A/N- I'm back and thanks to everyone who reviewed while I was away, it was great to come back to 55 reviews and a few new reviewers so thank you to those of you!
A/N2- That said many people have slated Max's choosing Ben over her family, if she'd have neglected Ben and stayed in Seattle she'd have killed herself wondering if she could have helped him or if that made her a traitor and if she left then she would have been hurt over losing her family- there really was no way out for poor Maxie so don't be too hard on the girl. Before you go all "Yay Alec- bad Max" read Biggs' observations.
A/N3- Moving Alongside should be out by Wednesday.
BTW- does anyone not read Moving Alongside who reads this?
Poison infects
Alec stormed into his room and slammed the door letting it reverberate on its hinges hoping like hell that it would simply give in and crash to the floor giving vent to some of his frustrated feelings. He had hauled himself back to the facility after Max and had to endure her silence as he gave his own stilted report to Lydecker and Renfro;
"No we didn't see him, sir."
"No, Ma'am, we have no idea of the whereabouts of 493."
When they were summarily dismissed he turned to Max to say something; what, he wasn't sure as his mouth had a tendency to run away without his express permission, but Max was already halfway out of the door without even a cursory look back in his direction. Alec had stared after her just letting the anger, which had been building since the confrontation in the Church, simmer and boil.
He clenched his fists as he stormed down the corridor heading to his cell, unwilling to let loose his full anger in the halls where he might be picked up by the cameras that littered the hallway.
As the door to his room shuddered, Alec tried to reign in his fury. How the hell could she be so damn self righteous? She had been a nano-second away from abandoning her freaking unit, her family, the one that she claimed to care so much about. Alec's initial worry had given way, quite rightly in his opinion, to anger, anger that she could so casually dismiss ten years of training, five years of friendship and possibly more to run away and be hunted with an insane murderer that she had known as a child.
Alec reared back and smashed his fist into the nearest wall leaving a sizable dent, as well as his fist, in the plaster.
"You know Manticore frowns on redecorating your cell."
"Piss off." Alec said without turning around.
"Mission didn't go as planned?"
"Go away Biggs. Really, now is not a good time." Alec pulled his hand out of the wall with a growl.
Biggs stared surprised, "You okay, man?"
"Beat it."
Biggs folded his arms, "I think not. What's wrong?"
Alec rounded on him, "Wrong? What could possibly be wrong? Just because little Miss 'we have to stay together' was going to bail without a second glance doesn't mean that anything is wrong. Just because she was ready to turn her back on her family and friends doesn't mean that anything is amiss. Everything here is a-okay, totally and utterly freaking fine!"
Biggs blinked, "So this is about Max then?"
"Argh!" Alec let loose a bellow of frustration and slammed his fist back into the wall watching it disappear beneath the cracked plaster.
"She was just gonna leave!"
"Max?" Biggs frowned at him.
"Yeah, Max," he confirmed, "was ready to just walk away from us all."
"Why would she do that?" Biggs sounded beyond puzzled. It wasn't like Max to turn tail and run…at least not physically, emotionally was a completely different story. He found himself growing irate. "After all of her speeches about how we need to stick together, not to mention all of the times that she called us family, where does she get off running away? What the hell was she thinking?"
Alec gave him a look, taking consolation in his friend's similar mindset, "Gee lemme think, what could possibly make our Maxie lose her common sense, display irrationality and just up and defect?"
It was as if a light came on for Biggs. "The 09ers?"
Alec pointed at him, "Got it in one. Big brother Ben to be precise."
"Ben?"
"493, my twin."
Biggs' face registered shock and it was like that that his indignation at Max ebbed away. "Huh."
"Huh?" Alec was incredulous at Biggs' casual acceptance. "Huh? No not, 'huh', 'bitch'!"
"Don't let her hear you call her that," Biggs cautioned dryly, "unless you want to walk with a limp."
"I don't care!" Alec spat out viciously. "It's not like she gives a damn about us anyway."
"That's not true." Biggs frowned, "Alec, I know Max and she wouldn't just walk away."
"Try run, tuck tail and bail like a coward."
In his pure fury Alec started to pace.
"He's a frigging murderer for Manticore's sake. He pulls out people's teeth and sacrifices them. Why would she go with him?"
Biggs sighed, "Look Alec, I made my peace with the fact that women are complicated and none more so than Max. Why was she going to leave? Because for some twisted reason she still sees the 09ers as family, family to Max means a lot."
"Don't we?" Alec's voice was pained and Biggs saw that his anger was a front masking the real cause of what was wrong. Alec was hurt; hurt that Max could just walk away like that without giving him a moment's thought.
"Of course we do," he tried to explain, "but she has always held the 09ers up as the ideals, they are like the models for us lesser beings to follow."
Alec rolled his eyes at Biggs' diagnosis.
He paused. "Why isn't this bothering you more? You're normally the first to jump on the 'we-hate-Max' bandwagon."
"First up I don't hate Max and neither do you which is part of the problem." Biggs gave Alec a slightly disapproving look which made Alec duck his head in temporary chagrin. "Secondly, maybe I'm maturing."
They both grinned at the unlikelihood of that statement.
"Seriously though Alec, the last time I let rip at Max I was wrong and it broke us all up, no one wants to go there again. You have to understand that the 09ers are idolised by Max- they are her original Unit and the ones that she will always feel at least some duty towards. Plus she has guilt feelings at letting them down by not managing to escape with them. For all she knew they had all died in the escape or even on the outside all that adds up to some serious issues as far as the 09ers are concerned. Add in the fact that he has your face and she couldn't resist taking the guilt trip with him. As much as I want to I can't yell at her for that- I'd do the same for Chance."
As Alec stared at his unusually level headed friend the words sunk in, he wouldn't have done the same in Max's place but then he wasn't Max. He knew that she had issues and having to constantly reaffirm to everyone, including herself at times, that the 09ers were misunderstood, that they weren't traitors or deserters, had to have messed up her mind with respect to her unit. Maybe she had idolized them to keep their memories fresh for the torturous abuse doled out by her new unit. Max had held up the 09ers as a model unit- she had almost deified them in her own mind, no one was as fun as Ben, no one was as fast as Jondy, no one was as clever as Zack, they represented the pinnacle of achievement and were a standard that she judged herself against even now. Could he have expected her to turn against everything that she had built up in her twisted psyche?
He knew that Max was complicated and to her it may have seemed the only choice, saving her brother to atone for some perceived weakness in being captured or maybe…just maybe she still genuinely loved her unit, there was no doubt that she was capable of those types of feelings for them. It all added up to deflate Alec's anger.
Alec glared at him in mock annoyance, "Logic has no place here. I want to rant."
"Far be it from me to waylay another man's illogically harboured resentment." Biggs waved. "Rant ahead."
Biggs POV
494 was the best of the best. He was the finest that Manticore ever trained no mission failures and no hint of deviancy. He was trusted and respected, revered and adored. Perfect. He was my C.O and we all loved him because he was fair and just, as well as being strong and smart. He was every girls dream man and every guys best friend- mine especially. But he always had that edge that meant that you couldn't get too close…let's just say he wasn't the type of guy to hug, not that any of us ever were but 494 had the special sort of reserve that kept him at arms length from everyone else.
He was a shoo-in for Special Ops, we all knew it and felt sad at the thought that he'd go away and not get to spend as much time with us as before, but he would always be our C.O, no matter what some idiotic Units with delusions of grandeur thought- like they could beat us with or without Alec anyway. As Max would say- As if!
That was until 452 showed up. Max. God, she was hot. A total pain in the ass but, like Sir had said, she was worth all the trouble just to look into her big brown doe eyes and see her smile.
I guess that's when I realised that there was something different about our C.O, I mean normally he was tough, never showing emotion and yet here he was waxing lyrical about some chick's eyes. She turned him inside out and it was fun to watch; fun to watch the calm, always implacable 494 turn to mush and sentimentality in the face of this bundle of bitch. To watch him being drawn out of his shell and fuss and fight with the girl.
The first time I heard his smart aleck comments I think I stood with my mouth open for a solid minute- attractively open mind you. He never did that, at least not in public or with newbies. I thought he had finally had one trip to Psy-Ops too many and had finally cracked.
I loved it.
452 was the only one who could ever joke Sir out of a black mood or make him loose that impenetrable air of aloofness and giggle like a schoolgirl.
I think I loved her for it too.
She made him lighten up; he started to smile easier and more often. He became easier to talk to and lost his aura of loneliness… and now I'm waxing poetical. God shoot me now. On second thoughts I just remembered where I am. Not a good idea to tell people to shoot you when you are at a rifle range. Don't shoot!
Of course, it wasn't all good, I mean the goofy grin was funny and the drool was a little disturbing and I did almost have a fit when he thought there was something going on between me and Max I really thought my life was about to flash in front of my eyes. This was fine because there are some moments that I wouldn't mind reliving…Lola!
But then Max is also the only one that could make him have that sadness back. When she was mad or wouldn't talk to him, like now, it's as if he's had his heart torn out and stomped on. I have never seen a man so distraught. She won't acknowledge him or look at him and it's killing him and I can tell that he can't last much longer without crawling back into his shell and maybe won't come out again. Geez the things guys go through for girls. That's why I'm glad that I stay well out of it. Women ain't nothing but trouble. Take Chance for example…and if that little shit Pix puts his hands on my sister once more I will kill him slowly and painfully. Seriously, Special Ops or not I will beat his transgenic ass down!
Ahem, anyway.
I have some idea what happened between Max and Alec, he came back ranting about leaving and Max's brother and it doesn't take a genetically engineered genius to put two and two together and get 09ers. At first I was as mad as he was, I mean we're her family now dammit not some random kids that she knew at 9 years old who got her thrown into Psy Ops and helped her to develop Manticore knows how many insecurities and social disorders. Except for one small blip we have stuck by her through everything and the idea that she would just walk away incensed me. Riding high on Alec's indignation I was ready to march down the hall to go yell at Max myself. But then he said something that made me pause- his twin, family. This was Max, she was my family. Max stuck by us even when we turned our backs on her. She loves us, it is obvious in everything that she does; how she'd sit with Chance in solitary, how she sat up all night with Alec after Psy Ops, how she deflected blame from Steve for the missed training session. There must have been something else that decided her and I had to discover what that was before I made snap judgements and ruined what relationship I had salvaged with our C.O. if not for my sake then for Alec's, the guy is more than my best friend, he is my brother and I won't have him walk around like he lost an arm. The guy loves Max and it'd kill him if he lost her, I don't want to see that.
So the plan is to go talk to Max, we need our C.O's back together and in harmony and fast.
I just wish I knew what to do.
Max glared at the first thing she saw as she woke up. Her brain hurt after the surgery that she had when she got back from her mission last night. she'd had a seizure and had to be taken to the med bay by Mets, Dek and Pix to have the same surgery that they had had when they were ten- it hadn't eased with age and the after effects of her surgery made her feel grouchy, even if they were for her own good.
It was Mets's nervous face peering at her.
"You okay Max?"
Yesterday had been the worse day of Max's life…okay so maybe that was an exaggeration. Every day of her life in Wyoming had been much worse under Bulli's tutorage but yesterday had been the worse of her life in Seattle. She had thought that she would finally get to see Ben and maybe pass on some advice about lying low, catch up on the other 09ers and make sure that they were okay. Instead Ben was a mess emotionally and mentally and had said that he needed her in his life to stop him from going over the edge, but Alec had jumped in and stopped her from helping out her brother. That was a bitter pill to swallow even as it was a relief not to have to leave her new family who she loved dearly. But then the world spun on its head as Alec threw accusations at her, spite and malice in his voice that she had never heard directed at her before then the breaking point. Alec pulled a gun on her. Max had never admitted her fear and loathing of guns to anyone- after all what Soldier was afraid of guns? She made it home and then the worst of all happened- a seizure. Max hadn't had them in months and this one seemed to be an accumulation of all of the things that happened to her in months, it hit her hard and fast and she had been powerless to stop it. Only the intervention of Pix, Dek, Mets, Aiden and Steve had turned it from a potentially lethal situation. Then they had forced her to go to Dek's nurse friend, Mary, and have the surgery that they had all had at age ten when the seizures hit their peak.
So on top of losing her brother and her only link to checking out the family that she so desperately missed, Max also had Alec's perceived betrayal and the after effects of surgery to deal with and it was one more thing that she oh so desperately didn't want to handle this morning.
"Urgh." She said and covered her face with her hands again.
Mets laughed, "Come on Max, time to get up."
"Bite me," she grumbled.
"If you don't want to be hauled in front of Trainer Banns and questioned, we need to get to morning drills."
Max sat up, wincing at the soreness in her head. Electrotherapy and needles in the brain as the whole area was subjected to specific radiation treatment wasn't conducive to a good nights sleep.
"Screw Trainer Banns,"
Mets shuddered, "Please for the good of my sanity don't ever use those two words together again."
Max swung her legs off the edge of the gurney and shrugged, "Okay whatever."
Mets frowned, "Are you feeling okay Max? I could get Dek's nurse if you still feel rough."
"Nothing that a little training won't cure." Max tried out her smile on him.
"Biggs was looking for you earlier but I told him that you were tired out from your mission and didn't want to be disturbed, I didn't tell him about the operation as you said not to."
Max stared as a usually suave and charming Mets started to ramble under her silence.
"Thank you." She managed. She could guess what Biggs wanted to talk to her about- probably a variation on the whole- Alec is king why did you go off at him?, speech that she got back when he went to Psy Ops.
"Anyway I told him he could talk to you later."
"Can't wait." She mumbled. So she had to go to training with a headache the size of Lydecker's ego and play nice with Alec and then face his best buddy Biggs' recriminations while the rest of the team cheered them on. Classic, mix in a little Psy Ops and it's her best day ever.
Sunny POV
I was the brightest and fastest back in Wyoming in my Unit but my C.O would never let me be all that I could be because it would make him look bad. 427 was elected squad leader based on arrogance, not ability, not unlike Max's own Squad leader Bulli. My Squad Leader was good at commanding, as people just tended to follow him mindlessly, but he had a pride indicative of Manticore upbringing and hated it when we were able to upstage him. He told me that C.O's had to go first and that I had to curb my speed and my intelligence or risk getting taken away. I believed him because he was my C.O and was supposed to take care of me. Then I heard others say that that wasn't the way it was supposed to be, that the C.O was supposed to bring out your strengths- if the "09er" could make 2IC, or even field commander on occasion, then we should be able to as well. I started to resent my C.O for holding me back but kept quiet, like Max, building up myself for when I could be free of him; hiding my resentment behind the fluffy smiles that everyone came to expect from me. Sometimes it's not so easy to keep that smile but I try. For the sake of my sanity I try.
Then when we took the test for the elite Lydecker told us to prove to ourselves that we were the best and so I ignored my C.O for the first time and went all out. Of course I won a place at Seattle and the rest is history but that thought- that the C.O knows best -was hopelessly lost. Until now.
Max and Alec together represent Manticore's pinnacle achievement. C.O and 2IC interchangeable but unique, they work so well together that to separate them would be impossible without detrimental effects to the rest of the squad as we have discovered on a few occasions. They instil confidence and faith in the rest of us and make things easier.
Or I should have said 'did'. Something has gone wrong in our little world and Max is in pain. I can see it, even through the blank mask she presents which Manticore tells us is essential to a good soldier. She hurts through and through and it has something to do with Alec. She can hardly look at him and he feels it.
Boy does he feel it. I can see him cringe every time her blank eyes have to look at him, even though she doesn't make eye contact. They won't talk and she won't acknowledge him at all. It hurts him.
It's also hurting the rest of the squad. We don't know where we stand anymore. I noticed recently that we were becoming so close that we thought nothing of hanging over each other, finishing each others sentences and touching each other. But with Max trying to pretend that Alec doesn't exist we don't know what to do. Do we carry on touching, taking comfort in the sense of pack that made this hellhole place less hellish, and risk Max pushing us all away again or do we keep contact to ourselves and lose out on that feeling of safety and family that we had cultivated between us?
I am always the chirpy one, the one that people like to talk to because I make them smile; I have faith that things will turn out for the best, that everything will be okay. Max once called it the 'Pollyanna' effect after some book she had read on the outside but the fact remains that I was called Sunny for a reason. But I don't feel Sunny right now. In fact the sky is clouding over and I don't know what to do.
There wasn't a single one of the X series who didn't have some idea that there was something wrong between the two top C.O's by the end of drills. Not just due to the tense atmosphere and stony silence between the two but due to the fact that all of the X5's seemed to hum with anxiety. No one dared to make an additional sound other than the yells that they performed during drill formations and no one put a foot out of line. It wasn't as if they usually made mistakes but the stomp of three hundred boots hitting the floor simultaneously without even a flicker of interest on any of their faces was unnerving- even for the Trainer who packed them off into assignments as soon as possible.
As they paired off all eyes went to see which way the wind was blowing by whom Max chose as her partner. If it was a good day she would pair with Alec, Aiden or Pix all of whom she could be guaranteed to get a good fight out of, and on a bad day she would fight with Coco or Flex- where strength counted against her temper. Today she bypassed them all and chose to fight both Anna and Drew.
Chance bit her lip, "Why is she sparing with both of them?"
Pix was thinking the same thing, Anna was known as being a hot head rushing in where fools feared to tread and Drew was commonly regarded as a psycho. If Max wanted to take both of them on then there was only one thing they could say and Pix did.
"We're in trouble!"
Zan's POV.
I always regretted not standing up more for Max back in Wyoming. So I fought Bulli a few times and did put the fear of…well…me into the little shit but I knew she was under going some pretty horrific stuff. It wasn't until we got to Seattle and I broke into the med room and snatched her records that I knew how horrific. I put holes in my walls that night and had to spend the next day in the Med bay with both hands in splints as I worked off my frustration. What I read burned down to my soul and it bolstered my respect for Max by 100%. How she had survived and not gone crazy I'll never know.
I hate Bulli with a passion that not even I thought I was capable of, the hardest thing I ever had to do was sit and watch as Alec and the others gave them what they deserved. I enjoyed every blow, every squeal and every scream as if I had done it personally and I felt vindicated by their blood.
I guess Max inspires that in some people.
I remember her telling me that I reminded her of her big brother Zack. I was both elated and hurt. Elated because I had such high respects for 599 as a C.O and person, he was great at bringing out the best in people; he inspired you to better yourself. But I was also kind of hurt because I don't want Max to think of me as a brother.
I'm not her brother.
I want to be close to her in a way that no brother ever should and I want to kiss her and be with her in a typically unbrotherly way. I thought I might have been in with a chance, we work well together, Max and me, we have the same sense of humour and we get along great.
Back when we first arrived in Seattle we spent a lot of time together but no matter how much time I spend with her I can't get close to her in the way that Alec does…or did.
No one really knows what went on, although Biggs seems to have some idea and neither of them is saying a word about it. Just that there was difference of opinion. Yeah right, I know Alec, know him well…after all you do try to get to know the competition, and there is no way that a "Difference of opinion" would keep him from Max.
So whatever it was, it was something big. They need to get over it. All I want is for Max to be happy, after all if anyone deserves it, she does. For a while there with Alec, getting to know him and all, she was genuinely happy. Although I wanted her it was clear that Alec was forerunner for her affections and I graciously stepped aside so long as he kept that smile on her face and that sparkle in her eyes. But her smiles are becoming rarer and she won't talk to Alec at all. I figure Alec blew it and what Max needs is a sympathetic, understanding friend. No hassle, no pressure. Unless she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Alec watched as once again Max walked into the room, saw him and walked out again. This was killing him and he felt that he had to do something about it soon or just go plain crazy. His anger with Max had faded even though the hurt at her actions still remained and all he wanted to do now was to sort things out with her and get back to the way they were before this all happened.
Alec exchanged glances with Biggs, who nodded slightly, and stood up walking briskly out of the room.
He glanced down the corridor to see Max heading for the recreation room.
"Max?" he called but she didn't stop and just walked away faster. "Max?"
He began down the hall after her, half of him berating himself for chasing the girl and the other half urging him to walk faster to catch up with her. It had been three days since they had come back from the mission, three days without Max talking to him or even looking at him. He missed her so damn much even though she was right there in the room next to him. He missed their verbal banter and their physical fights, he missed talking and sharing things with her, going over command issues and organizing the troops. He missed playing games with her in the Rec hall and coming up with ridiculous excuses to touch her. Most of all he missed the way she would smile at him and his whole heart would lift up in response. Dammit.
Alec rubbed his face as he peered into the Rec room to see Max go and sit with Drew and Dek, joining in their card game.
While the Units knew there was a rift- they'd have to be pretty stupid not to, and one thing Manticore didn't raise was fools- none of the others knew what to say to either of them about it. They didn't want to push and pry and cause rifts but it wasn't possible to be the way that they had been before, when one C.O couldn't stay in the same room as the other for more than five minutes at a time.
With a heavy sigh Alec abandoned the thought of going to talk to Max right now and turned to go back to his cell to do some thinking.
Feen's POV
Just what the hell are they playing at? It's been three freaking days now and they still can't be in a room without Max walking out or going quiet and stoic while Alec looks like his dog just died. We have missions to go on and training to do and they need to quit this shit and pull together. It's not just affecting Special Ops, its affecting us too and I can't push it off with a cheerful smile like Sunny does I won't shrug it off like Dek and Drew. Chance told me that I just have to deal with it but I don't want to dammit, I want things done. Anna and Coco agree and I know we are the most outspoken ones so everyone else must be feeling the same. With all due respect to Max because she is a great girl and all but this is down to her. No, not because she's a 09er or anything ridiculous like that but because- like she said in her own story- She's the one who brought life to us and now she's taking it away. Well we are going to fight for that life; she thinks that she can just withdraw? Well she has another think coming. She needs to hear some home truths and we are just the girls to do it.
Max held herself rigid until she felt Alec disappear from the doorway. She relaxed and smiled at her two friends.
"Y'okay Max?" Drew asked gently.
"Fine." Max's clipped reply made known that she wasn't in the mood for touching and sharing with them.
Skye glanced up from her place across the room and rolled her eyes. "Sure you're fine, you won't talk to Alec but all's well."
Those in the Rec room held their breath as Max slowly turned to Skye, her eyebrows raised.
"Excuse me?"
Skye folded her arms, "What has he done now that is so bad that you are deliberately blocking him?"
Everyone in the room had paused in whatever they were doing and pretended not to be listening.
Max cocked her head and regarded the bitchy X5. In Max's head this was the start, the part where everyone turned on her whilst supporting Alec. The time when she would be left all alone again and this time have no one to stand by her. She could feel their sympathy for Alec every time he turned those puppy dog eyes to her that she had tried to build up immunity towards. Her heart ached at the thought of what she would have to go through alone. She swallowed her heart hardening, well, fine, if they wanted to cast her aside she'd help out. She wasn't just going to lie down and take things this time. They had told her to stand up for herself and she would.
"I'm sorry," she replied sweetly, "but when is that any of your business?"
"Since it affects us all." Skye replied smoothly not in the least put off by Max's dangerous tone. Dek edged back a few places.
"My life is exactly that, mine." She abruptly stood up and Dek slid even further back.
"Touchy much?" Skye said amusedly.
Max stalked towards her and got in her face.
"Look Skye, I have had enough okay, if I want to ignore him then I will,"
"His name is Alec;" Cece interjected and then held her hands up as Max's glare rounded on her "Him is fine too."
"If I want to attack Renfro with humus or walk naked around Manticore- I will."
"I vote for that one!" Zan said eagerly, trying to dispel the tension.
"You forget Skye that I am C.O of Special Ops and you have no business questioning my actions, soldier."
Everyone stopped breathing and forgot to pretend, all ears were on the conversation now. Max had never pulled the rank card before. She always said that she was just the same as the rest of them and that rank didn't matter.
Max's eyes gleamed harshly as she faced the dark skinned transgenic.
"Hey now!" Steve pushed himself between Max and Skye. While it was well known that Skye could stand up for herself, she was still his sister and he couldn't stand by and let her be berated by Max. "Cool off, okay?"
Max's eyes narrowed.
"I am sick of my every action being questioned, shut up and follow or get the hell out of my way understood?"
"Yes ma'am." Skye saluted automatically, her eyes wide.
"That goes for anyone else. No one knows what happened and it isn't your business to."
No one said a word as she glared harshly at them all.
"But I'm sure that he wouldn't mind the sympathy and camaraderie that you are all dying to offer him. So go, feel free to protect him from the big bad bitch. I don't care."
With those parting words Max turned and walked away from the room, her head held high.
There was a silence for a moment and then Steve turned to his shaken sister.
"You okay Skye?"
Skye nodded, "Yeah just need to schedule a retrieval Op."
They stared at her "Huh?"
"To remove the foot from my mouth."
The small joke broke the tension.
"What the hell was that about?"
"She's had a rough few days." Drew said, "We need to cut her some slack."
"We can cut it all we like," Chance bit her lip. "Truth is she's right. We can't question and we can't choose sides. They are both our C.O's and unless we want things to end up like they did when Alec went to Psy Ops we need to support them both."
"Right Drew? Drew?" Dek looked around but the brunette was gone.
Carrot's POV
I'm worried. On so many levels right now it's not even funny and I seem to have nowhere to go because everyone else is worried too.
Sunny is trying to smile and keep up cheerful appearances but with Max looking like a target in live ordinance it's not really happening. Biggs keeps shooting Alec worried glances and trying not to argue with Max. Feen, Coco and Anna seem to be scheming and Zan is following Max around like a puppy.
Normally I'd talk to Max…but she has her own issues right now, or to Alec and I really don't think it wise to be talking about my love life to a man's whose has just been flushed.
Tara is gone.
Not just gone, but gone on a solo mission, as in alone. We have just started to mate, in the very early stages. After Tara made the first overtures, if you can call stripping in my cell an overture and we mated for real we advanced to the next stage of the mating process. You know the one where you hug and kiss and sneak glances and rip the head off anyone who touches your mate- that stage?
Although Tara and I are far more soldier-like than the others in the unit neither of us wants to give the other up. We have been rigorous in following orders all of our lives, we don't even bend the rules like the others but for each other we will bend, break and destroy the system.
We were together during her heat, although we were careful. Females are more fertile when in heat and neither of us wants her to get pregnant. What I meant was that we stayed together; I helped her out with her… well you can use your own imaginations. All this was oh so skilfully hidden from Manticore brass thank you oh so very much, when they called her away to go on a mission. Her heat was over- thank goodness- but there was something about her mission that she wasn't sure of. It made me feel uneasy; maybe it was just that she was away from me. But I think it's something more.
Something worse. I don't want to feel this bad, I don't want to pace and feel frustrated but that is what is happening. I think I'm unravelling at the seams and everyone is too damn busy being pissed to help me.
Dew found Max standing on the roof staring at the darkening sky.
"Nice speech."
"Go away, Drew."
Drew ignored the order and came closer to where Max was standing dangerously close to the edge of the tower.
"I used to always want to prove to the boys that I was one of them, that I was as hard, as strong, as fast as they were and twice as good at everything. I remember this one time someone had thrown a dummy grenade or something on top of the kitchen roof; it was twenty feet or so high- a big height for some small kid. No one wanted to go up there to get it down, so I crawled up to the very top of the kitchen roof during gym and threw it down but I miscalculated and fell with it. I broke my leg in two places but I wouldn't say a word about it. All of the boys were looking at me with a mixture of horror and respect but all I could focus on was the dismay and worry in Dek's face as he saw my pale face. I waved them away, didn't want their help and walked back to barracks by myself."
Max waited until Drew finished, "Nice story."
"Point is Max; I know what it's like to push yourself, do what comes naturally and to see the one who is supposed to stand by you hurt you. The point when you know that you are the only person that you can rely on stings like a bitch. I don't know what Alec did to you but I know that you and he were as close as me and Dek are. I know how much it hurts when they don't understand you as much as you thought. But it doesn't mean that the rest of us will automatically turn on you."
Max opened her mouth but Drew wasn't done, "I know we don't have the best track record Max but we do, genuinely care for you and I, for one, will never turn my back on you."
Max closed her eyes and looked down at the ground.
"All my life, I have had to be the strong one." Max's voice came out thick, as if she was on the verge of tears. "After Zack left there was no one to take care of me, I knew that I shouldn't need it because I was a soldier. But it didn't stop me from wanting it and I wanted it so bad, not someone to baby me but someone to understand me, who would be there when I needed them and would back off when I didn't. I thought that, in Alec, I finally had that someone who could match me and still help me."
"He screwed up?" Drew guessed.
"Big time." Max gave Drew a quick run down of what happened on the mission with Ben.
"It was so strange seeing them both standing there, my past and what I thought to be my future. God, I didn't want to leave. I love you guys but Ben needed me."
Drew nodded understanding the predicament that Max was in, torn between need and duty, love and loyalty. It was a hard choice for anyone and, for it to be the twin of the one that Drew was staring to suspect that Max had been falling in love with; well it amassed to a whole bunch of issues.
"I was doing okay. I made the decision to go and help Ben, after all, he needed me."
"You'd be able to make up for not being there for him when he originally needed help." Drew hit the nail on the head and Max laughed derisively at herself.
"Talk about guilt complex. Then Alec was there with such anger and hatred and he…"
"What?" Drew prompted after a while.
Max bit her lip and stared out at the night that had fallen as they spoke, her hair fluttered in the light breeze but she didn't notice as she stared at some forgotten point on the horizon.
"He pulled a gun on me," she confessed.
Drew sensed that there was more to this than just that; after all they fired at each other all of the time in combat training.
"He…back in Wyoming, when we tried to escape Eva was shot by Lydecker," Max sat down and wrapped her arms around her knees. "It was the first time I had ever seen someone killed and she was doing it to protect me. Her body lay there lifeless and her eyes open. The gun at my feet. I can't sleep sometimes, I'm haunted by her face and the sadness in her eyes, it hurt so much to see her helpless when she was such a strong soldier. Sometimes I can even hear the bullet enter her body. Then we tried to escape and I fell through the ice, nearly drowning. Jondy left and I had no idea if she made it or f my carelessness meant that another one of us was dead. Then Lydecker shot me. I can still feel the bullet enter my body."
She sighed as Drew sat beside her.
"I was nine and the man I had looked up to, as a…a… God almost, shot my sister and then me changing my life forever. Lydecker had always said that he was the only one that we could really trust and we did, even as we were scared of him we trusted him to take care of us and protect us from…whatever. And he betrayed that trust. Because of those two gunshots I went through hell. Caught and placed in Wyoming- Bulli's division, I went through hell." She choked. "I…Then the brother I never got to see again was shot down on the Needle while I watched from right here. Guns change lives, they tear apart families and destroy hearts, my existence has been ruled by the damn things, they send me back to the darkness of Bulli and Psy Ops and I mastered them, I thought I'd won. I became a crack shot and mastered them so that they didn't master me. So they'd never have power over me again."
A single tear slipped down her face.
"It didn't work, the one man that I thought I could trust more than anything- again, was going to shoot me. How can I look him in the face again knowing that at any time he could turn on me, the way that Manticore always intended? That he could pull a gun on me and send me back to the darkness?"
Drew curled her arm around Max's back and pulled her close.
Alec had done the unthinkable; he had pulled a gun on Max, shattering her belief that he was the one constant in her life. He had destroyed the trust that Max had in him and he had done it in the most painful way possible. Manticore had trained them well to blindly follow orders and be prepared to turn on those they loved. Reindoctrination against the 09ers was a classic example. But would Alec have really shot Max? She wanted to say, no way. But Drew couldn't tell Max that because she wasn't sure that she believed it- after all she, herself, had problems with control and that was Manticore trained, was pulling a gun any different?
Drew wanted to tell Max that there was no way Alec would ever turn on her, that he wouldn't have shot her, she wanted to explain that Manticore didn't rule their lives like that, that Alec had been bluffing. But she couldn't.
She had no answer.
Pix's POV
Things are bad.
Tension in the ranks, dissention and pain all around from every quarter. I had actually thought it had gotten as bad as it could get when Anna and Max went at it in the training room, fists flying and kicks swinging, and it took four guards to break them up, oh and the first one who tried will be fine when he come back from the hospital. I thought it had gotten as bad as it could be when Sunny burst into tears in Common Verbal usage and stormed out. I thought that it had gotten as bad as it could be when Biggs caught me and Chance making out and tried to rearrange my innards…from the outside.
But then Carrot went mad.
He deliberately provoked a guard into a fight and nearly killed him. It was only when Max and Alec held him down that he stopped and broke down, crying that Tara was gone and they were too stubborn to help him. They both looked ashamed at that and called a Special Ops meeting; I think that it's the first time that Max had spoken to Alec in weeks. We all went and sat in the Rec room. Unlike last time when we all lolled over each other and touched each other we all sat on opposite sides of the room. Then Max got up and hugged Carrot, soothing his hair. Anna apologised tearfully and hugged Max and one by one we all came into the hug, I was wrapped around Emma with Aiden at my back and Mets on my right and I looked up. Max still had her arms around Carrot and she was facing Alec. He looked up into her eyes and I swear they were begging but instead of acknowledging that and taking his hand; she turned her head away.
I never believed that you could truly see someone's heart break… until then.
I saw Alec's heart break, tears welled in his eyes and he slowly extricated himself from us all.
So the rest of us have kissed and made up. Max won't withdraw anymore and laughs and jokes with us. But to her, Alec doesn't exist.
Like I said, things are bad.
IF ANYONE REVIEWED AND I DIDN'T MENTION IT HERE (SINCE FF.NET IS PLAYING UP AGAIN)- SO SORRY AND THANK YOU!
Black Rose 9 – I don't know why ff.net isn't showing your review but I get emails send to me when someone reviews so I have to say a HUGE HUGE thank you to you for your fantastic review. I wasn't having a great day but your review really made my day. The way you pointed out all of the best parts that you enjoyed and what I need to concentrate on, especially since you are a M/L fan and not m/a was wonderful. I would love to chat over the points in your fic but I think it would be longer than the story so I have to just say thanks again. you rock!
Jade- K- Hate me, congratulate me, send me money- whatever J glad it blew you away!
Arwen-amy- Ass kicking is always fun, expect a few more angst chapters before they get back again.
La Vito- I prefer…no wait…evil works. Trust gained soon.
Restive Nature- Thank you, it was hard to write that, it had many many revisions but I think it came out how I wanted in the end. I cried writing it! And at least you appreciate the struggle that Max had- she was a loser either way. And Lydecker has more of a handle on things than we think.
Poo- Wow- I think that says it all- thank you so much pet, even incomprehensibility shows the feelings. Thank you.
Cheeza- Evil is fun! LOL, I know but I NEEDED to get away ands now I'm back. See it works and you survived. As for Max- she was torn and like I said she'd be a loser either way. Read the A/N2.
Claire- I take it you didn't like the angst rather than the actual writing of the ending. At least I hope so!
Yakiem- Of course, glad you like.
Acb- Yup, you know me, I don't really do fluffy very well. Angst is fun and there will be pay off at the end. THANK YOU, someone understands Max's decision. Its what she would have done, right or not. As for Alec's rage- see I added!
Sigma1- Uh me and depressive? I like it! But feel free to comment further J
Acb- LOL, two reviews to add things- I like that!
Nat1- cheers sweetheart, rocking your world is great, I love that I can do that! HUGS back as a huge thanks to a great reviewer.
Shasy-Why? Because I can! Mwha ha ha. Oh there is no way you are blaming me for the assignment. But if you want I'll write you a note.
Kim- Uh not as long as you were waiting for this one? I think you are the only person who found it amusing but I'm glad that you did. Aww you love Special Ops- all of them?
Tabitha5- Sorry it was so long but I was away, hope you like this too.
Chaosti- I know- what were the writers thinking? Talk about creepy! Yes the good author will eventually get those two crazy kids in the same ring…um room. Mini OC appearance! No time machine sorry!
Lynn- I know! Where does ff.net get off deleting my long reviews? Grrr. LOL, saying that I update fast and then having to wait three weeks- sorry!! Its great that you feel that way about my characters, its wonderful to know that they touch you as much as they do me.
Messymissy- I know, I always hated the show's versiomn- you could see in Ben's eyes that he was happy to see Max and then she blurted out "why" and judged him. Grrr. Glad you are behind me 100% on my decisions for Max and Alec- even Alec being the little bad guy this time- though no one else seems to see that. As for more angst- that's pretty much a given.
Talichernin- Hate you? Uh not specifically. Sorry I reduced you to incoherent babbling!!
m/a fan- heart hurting may sound bad but it means you like my stuff so bonus to me. We'll get back to more m/a action soon- promise!
Dagda- Hey chick, glad you like it. Keep reading I will update soon.
X5-220- things heat up from here on out! Watch this space!
Faeries Twilight- Thank you and hello! Both stories are hard work which pays off when new people review! So thanks.
SGOU- see this is the reason I love your reviews- they make me thin of things that I never would have done otherwise and you also get the little things- like the Jack/Rose environment thing. Glad you picked up on that. Alec's touch philosophy was a good one. OC is always cool. Plus after I thought about it you were right, Alec was mad at Max too. It made sense so I added that in. Thanks. Glad you liked Ben too!
Ganko- Fair enough- I complain when my fave authors don't update fast enough as well. It love to confuse my readers with humour amongst the angst- in my original draft there was a whole lot ore with that Pigeon but I thought it detracted from the situation- hmm maybe I should do a chapter from the pigeons point of view.
Nights star- Hey Brit! Urgh same as my sister- she's doing A levels and is stressing 24/7 its great to share a room with her right now! evil person but excellent author- I can deal with that! Everyone happy? Do you read many of my fics? LOL.
Kat461- Hey pet, glad that you liked this, and that line cracked me up too- vintage Alec.
Jane-Aw well its the thought that counts (damn ff.net) Alec shouldn't have resorted to a gun and he'll get his.
Lynsey M-Kiss me? Oh go on then if you must!
Fee- FASTER? Damn girl my fingers are smoking- I did this chapter I like a day and half!
Ally- Yup its Alec0- he's a cutie pie!
Crimsonshadoe- Uh…okay. Too angsty to think about? As for the request- I don't think I've read it but I will. If Sarah doesn't mind, I'd have a go but you'd have to ask her permission first.
Elizabeth Annette- Alec may have done the right thing but he went the wrong way about it. I think it was miscommunication and mistakes on both their parts.
Spunky Panda- I'd be very interested to know which parts you think are rushed or flawed. As the writer I can't see them myself so that is what reviews are for. Criticism is fine, but make it constructive and help me to be a better writer. Feel free to email me.
Lyndsay- Ben always struck me as misunderstood and way underused so I expanded. You are right that Alec had right to be hurt as much as Max but Max holds grudges way better. Its not for nothing- I pick up things from these reviews that I use along the line. That line is a favourite I think.
SGOU- Could this, would this? I said Zack would make a cameo and he will. Zack and Coco? Interesting. Ben and Emma? Not so sure about that but I'm open to suggestions. The BJ and Anna thing will be explained later. Sorry to make you insane with waiting.
JADED73- Thank you, Ben was a sweetheart and I never thought he was insane!
Shaz- Hey pet, I know most of the stories don't appeal to me either- I go to NWP and Agora. Its great that it had an impact and I hope that your workmates didn't look at you too strangely! No way does the chapter end just there, so much more to happen!
Starr Light1- I know, I know, I'm evil but its fun! Zack and Ben and the rest? Huh read the next chapter. As for Lydecker well he didn't say much but we see more of him again soon.
TikigirlK16- Thank you pet, I liked that quote in the show and felt it better used here.
Tyna- Well at least you were prepared for it this time! Wow to the run of emotions- I felt the same!
Sassycanuck- Wow, that is kudos indeed and hey well done for reading them in one sitting! I always feel better if things are taken slowly, I don't buy the whole see him- fall in love in 24.3 seconds and into bed by lunchtime- it doesn't happen that way in real life…unless you're Johnny Depp- in which case we'll forgive you. So pleased that you love my stuff- thanks for the review.
Lynsey Moffitt- The show was off with Ben, I think the writers had issues personally.
Dagda- not rude but read the A/N if you want to know. I was in another country!
Stormvind- 'm home! I'm back and updating as fast as my little fingers will tappedy tap tap. I've been on another continent!
Silvia- Hey pet, it was great that you popped up to review even if you prefer lurkerdom! I appreciate that. I love strong Max but I wont forget that she hurt Alec too. He has a few things to say to Max before things are resolved. Hey put it anywhere, I seem to be meshing the chapters all over the place- Dek/Drew all the way! And damn that's high praise- this review made me smile all day- as good as Zac's. huge smile
Elfie- I think Max was referring to things that she has done in Manticore rather than just what Ben was up to. and no, other than Alec none of them know what Max did to the convict- not sure they will either-it's a huge ass bombshell. He'll find her…soon- perhaps. Watch this space. I went to New York and Las Vegas for my holiday! I had a wonderful time and stayed with some friends I made from writing fanfic!
Geminangel- take deep breaths- it will all be over soon. I'm back now!
Dagda- LOL, damn girl chill!!!! Seriously, take a nap!
Nat452- no that wasn't it- I'm on holiday! But back now so updates a plenty!
Lanlie- No that's fine, my brother hated the movie- but he did go into town to get it for me on the day it came out so he's forgiven. That is funny isn't it! twins hello! Are they all the same age? Uh pretty much, some are older by a year or two but the youngest is Chance, the oldest is Mets.
Poo- far too long. I am here now though so there we are!
Jynx- well I'm home now so enjoy this!!
Nora- Glad that your exams are over now! hope you get good grades. As for the list- ff.net keeps deleting my reviews so that sucks!