Tsuzuki spent a few days in GensouKai, feeling his spirit unwind,
relax, become more settled. Touda was around, giving him silent strength,
and it seemed he was healing. Whatever wounds had been inflicted upon his
soul, they were now slowly closing. He often stayed with Rikugo, taking
strength from just sitting in the astrologer's study, gazing at the sky,
feeling Tenkuu around him as the palace breathed and lived around them.
Something inside him was settling, accepting what had happened, accepting
that there was a difference he would never be able to hide. Not just his
eye color but something much deeper, in his very being.
But he was still Tsuzuki Asato. He wasn't a monster.
For the first time in close to one hundred years of existence, Tsuzuki felt that burden lift.
Not a monster.
He was human in every sense that counted.
When he finally returned to Meifu, Tsuzuki felt part of him clench in anticipation while another looked forward to getting back to work, to normality. Touda's presence was still strong and he smiled as the serpent rumbled softly at him to relax.
I am
Rightcame the growl.
The presence of his shikigami in his mind, his very soul, was both new but also… familiar. It felt so right, like it should always have been like this. Touda was the complimenting piece that had been missing. It would take some getting used to the fact that he now had someone else there who only he could hear, he could talk to like this, and who didn't really judge him.
Hisoka was there to great him, his green eyes unreadable, his face a mask. Both men just stared at each other, one smiling gently, the other starting to scowl.
"You okay?" Hisoka finally asked.
"Yes. Don't worry."
"I'm not worrying about you," Hisoka muttered and fell into step beside him as they walked toward the large building that housed the Shokan Division.
Of course not, Tsuzuki thought with a secret smile.
Hisoka frowned a little as he carefully examined him visually.
"What happened to you?" he wanted to know.
Tsuzuki sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he gazed at the cherry trees. Part of him was nervously scanning for the presence of Enma-Daiou, though the logical side of his brain knew that the eternal being would never just walk up to him. Then again, Enma-Daiou was also unpredictable.
Nothing happened. Everything was peaceful.
"I don't really know."
"You've been gone for three days and you don't know what happened?" Hisoka demanded.
Tsuzuki gave him an apologetic smile.
Hisoka glared more.
Finally the older shinigami leaned against one of the trees and gazed at the clouds. It was a beautiful day. Sunny, warm, with a slight breeze… perfect.
"I had a talk with Enma-Daiou," he said, slight pain threading into his voice at the recollection of that moment.
Hisoka frowned, green eyes narrowing.
"I… wanted to finally know who and what I am. He wouldn't tell me. He showed me."
Memories teased at his mind and he pushed them away. The other presence bound to him over dimensions rippled.
It's overTouda rumbled. Just accept what happened
Hisoka suddenly winced and Tsuzuki sighed.
"Sorry."
"What… what was that?" the teen gasped.
"The result of my visit. Enma-Daiou… triggered what's inside me. It nearly killed me, Hisoka." Serious, violet colored eyes met wide green ones. "Someone caught me. Someone who harbors the same darkness inside him that I do. Someone who understands."
"Who…?"
"Touda."
Hisoka gaped at him. "Wha… what?!"
"It's not bad, Hisoka," Tsuzuki added calmly. "It's actually… better than before. "He's my control mechanism. I need him."
Hisoka still stared at him, then his face darkened and he glared at the sky. "Fine!" he growled.
"Hisoka…" Tsuzuki tried, but the teen wouldn't look at him. He was pointedly ignoring his partner.
Tsuzuki sighed sadly and pushed his hands into the pockets of his pants, starting toward the administration building again.
He's a child. He wouldn't understandTouda broke the silence around him.
Hisoka's no child. Physically he's a teenager, but he's older
An exasperated sigh. I know that, idiot
Tsuzuki managed a little laugh. For a shikigami as old as Touda, Hisoka was truly just a child. And Tsuzuki himself wasn't any better. With close to a century of age he couldn't even scratch the surface of the immortal's.
He'll get over it
Over what?
My presence echoing in yours. It's disturbing him
Tsuzuki nodded to himself, feeling bad about making Hisoka feel bad. He had never thought about the empath and what he might pick up.
Don't blame yourself for what you cannot control!
He nodded to himself. But maybe it was more than having this bond now. Hisoka had tried to gain a shikigami himself, needing to be as strong as Tsuzuki he thought. Tsuzuki had never thought of Hisoka as weak. His partner had a strength Tsuzuki himself had never had. But Hisoka just saw the twelve Divine Commanders and felt inferior.
A shikigami's strength comes from the strength of a shinigami's heart, not the other way around, he heard an old thought echo in his head.
Yes, he had their power at his command, but they were feeding off his own strength to be such formidable warriors.
It's his own problemTouda rumbled, disgusted.
No. He looks at me and sees… you guys
Like I said – his problem. If he hasn't understood the workings of this partnership yet, he's an idiot. A child
Tsuzuki sighed silently. Well, he had someone else to face, someone who scared him more than his partner sometimes. His boss, Konoe, and then there was Tatsumi. He swallowed a little. He really didn't want to confront Tatsumi. The worst he now had to go through was a rant and a dressing down from Konoe. Tatsumi… well, he would be worse. Just one look from those blue eyes and he would be shaking in his shoes.
To his surprise, none of the above happened. Konoe wasn't even in. Something about a meeting between Division chiefs or other. Tatsumi met him in the office, blue eyes looking at him, calm and collected, giving nothing away.
"Welcome back," he said quietly.
"Tatsumi, I… I was…"
The smile grew warmer, chasing away the stern expression.
"I know."
Tsuzuki swallowed. He knew? Tatsumi knew… what? Nervousness flooded him and he caught sight of Hisoka shooting him a frown. His partner had silently followed him and was keeping a modicum of distance.
"Tatsumi…?"
Blue eyes were warm with concern. "Are you okay?"
He cared. Tsuzuki could hear it in his voice, saw it in his face, and it embarrassed him to know that Tatsumi, despite giving him such hard times, despite yelling at him for spending too much of 'his' money or slacking off… well, Tatsumi would always forgive. He could care, he would worry, he would be there for him.
A hand touched his face, warm and reassuring, and he looked into the deep blue eyes of his former partner.
I just want you to be happy. He recalled the words when he had been trapped inside the novel. The Tatsumi in there had been a fictional character, created by the Count, but he had had the soul of the man now looking at him. His personality, his traits, his passion, ad his dreams.
Tatsumi loved him, wanted him to be happy, and the Shadow Master would do everything to ensure this happiness. Even deny his attachment, his friendship, their partnership. Tsuzuki hadn't understood back then, but a lot had become clear after the book incident.
Tatsumi protected him with each and every of his actions. He didn't want this sacrifice, but it had happened and no one could make it undone. He had to live with it, just like he had to live with so much.
"Uh, yes… fine…" he now murmured.
"Good."
Their eyes were still locked and finally Tsuzuki dropped his gaze as well as his hand.
"I'll… ah… better get to work."
"The chief said you have the rest of the week off. We don't want to see you here till Monday."
"Okay," Tsuzuki said weakly.
Any other time he would have cheered and celebrated his off time, but right now he was too stunned.
Tatsumi nodded, the awkward moment still in the air. He gave Hisoka a brief look and a half-smile, then turned and walked into his office.
Tsuzuki exhaled slowly. Wordlessly he went over to his desk despite the fact that he was actually not on duty and looked at the neatly placed folders, the lack of forms to fill out or reports to finish. He looked at Hisoka.
"You didn't have to do that," he said quietly.
The serious youth grimaced a little. "I didn't want to get buried in an avalanche from your desk. Don't think I was doing you a favor, okay?"
Tsuzuki smiled gently. "Of course not."
And as always the friendly, caring smile completely caught Hisoka off guard. He blinked, trying to uphold his mask of indifference. His partner had never been good at staying mad at him for a prolonged time, but it hurt Tsuzuki every time anyway. He didn't want Hisoka mad at him; this had been his longest partnership ever. It worked, it was actually complimentary, and he didn't want anyone else.
"Thank you," came the soft addition.
Hisoka turned away, trying to keep his emotions under control, and stalked over to his desk to plop into his chair.
"Don't be such an idiot," the younger shinigami muttered and switched on his computer.
Tsuzuki wasn't fooled by the act. He had never been. Still smiling, feeling strangely warm by the affection shown to him. Touda moved lazily, like a large cat, stretching and then curling up.
Told you
Tsuzuki caught the glance from Hisoka and gave him an apologetic smile. The youth huffed.
Yes, this would take some getting used to on both their parts. Hisoka had to either ignore Touda's presence whenever the serpent shikigami came to the forefront, or live with the presence. Tsuzuki wished he could lessen the burden on his friend, but there was no chance of it. Hisoka was an empath and his shields were still in training.
Tsuzuki turned to his computer to check on mails and stuff like that.
"The boss gave you off," Hisoka reminded him gruffly. "I thought you'd be out of here by now, not actually working!"
He pointedly reached over and flipped off the screen.
"Hisoka…"
"Get out, okay? Let those who can't slack off work!"
Tsuzuki watched his young partner and smiled gently. "How about I'll start my day off work after today, help you with the office stuff, and we get some dinner together?" he asked.
Hisoka huffed. "Whatever!"
He moved away and Tsuzuki was alone. He sighed softly. Oh well…
Switching the screen back on, Tsuzuki listlessly scanned through his folders and finally chose some of the recent entries to check on. He might be evading work as much as was possible, but he never disregarded his duties as a shinigami. He had lost three days of work, of information, of possible cases, and he planned on catching up on them. Only a few more hours till the end of the day and tomorrow he could sleep in, relax, enjoy his off time.
He was in the middle of a file when someone suddenly placed a plate in front of him. A slice of apple pie sat on it. Tsuzuki's eyes widened and he looked up, right into the neutral green eyes of his partner.
"Hisoka?"
"You missed Wakaba's pie party yesterday. She saved you some leftovers."
Stunned, he looked from the young shinigami to the pie, speechless.
"Th… thank you…"
Hisoka shrugged, but there was a smile in his eyes. He settled down on his chair and went back to work.
Tsuzuki kept smiling as he ate his favorite dessert.
"I get to choose the restaurant," Hisoka suddenly said and he looked up, meeting the cool, green gaze.
"Restaurant?"
"Dinner, remember?"
"Oh, right. Okay." Tsuzuki grinned like a little kid.
"And you're paying," Hisoka added.
Oh well, there were ups and then there were downs. "Okay," he said once again, not really caring.
Kurosaki Hisoka was his partner. He loved him, protected him, needed him. He would do everything for the younger shinigami, and if it went covering a probably expensive restaurant bill, well, it was worth it.
Tsuzuki cleaned the plate, feeling wonderfully sated and warm. He felt Touda close by, wrapped around him like a shield, a living and breathing and caring shield.
Maybe he should thank Enma-Daiou for this… but maybe he shouldn't. The master of this realm did nothing without expecting something to come from it, and whatever he thought would come from releasing Tsuzuki's inner power and force, the shinigami wasn't sure it was something he wanted to know.
For now, he would just try and get his life and partnership in order. Everything else would show in time.
But he was still Tsuzuki Asato. He wasn't a monster.
For the first time in close to one hundred years of existence, Tsuzuki felt that burden lift.
Not a monster.
He was human in every sense that counted.
When he finally returned to Meifu, Tsuzuki felt part of him clench in anticipation while another looked forward to getting back to work, to normality. Touda's presence was still strong and he smiled as the serpent rumbled softly at him to relax.
I am
Rightcame the growl.
The presence of his shikigami in his mind, his very soul, was both new but also… familiar. It felt so right, like it should always have been like this. Touda was the complimenting piece that had been missing. It would take some getting used to the fact that he now had someone else there who only he could hear, he could talk to like this, and who didn't really judge him.
Hisoka was there to great him, his green eyes unreadable, his face a mask. Both men just stared at each other, one smiling gently, the other starting to scowl.
"You okay?" Hisoka finally asked.
"Yes. Don't worry."
"I'm not worrying about you," Hisoka muttered and fell into step beside him as they walked toward the large building that housed the Shokan Division.
Of course not, Tsuzuki thought with a secret smile.
Hisoka frowned a little as he carefully examined him visually.
"What happened to you?" he wanted to know.
Tsuzuki sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he gazed at the cherry trees. Part of him was nervously scanning for the presence of Enma-Daiou, though the logical side of his brain knew that the eternal being would never just walk up to him. Then again, Enma-Daiou was also unpredictable.
Nothing happened. Everything was peaceful.
"I don't really know."
"You've been gone for three days and you don't know what happened?" Hisoka demanded.
Tsuzuki gave him an apologetic smile.
Hisoka glared more.
Finally the older shinigami leaned against one of the trees and gazed at the clouds. It was a beautiful day. Sunny, warm, with a slight breeze… perfect.
"I had a talk with Enma-Daiou," he said, slight pain threading into his voice at the recollection of that moment.
Hisoka frowned, green eyes narrowing.
"I… wanted to finally know who and what I am. He wouldn't tell me. He showed me."
Memories teased at his mind and he pushed them away. The other presence bound to him over dimensions rippled.
It's overTouda rumbled. Just accept what happened
Hisoka suddenly winced and Tsuzuki sighed.
"Sorry."
"What… what was that?" the teen gasped.
"The result of my visit. Enma-Daiou… triggered what's inside me. It nearly killed me, Hisoka." Serious, violet colored eyes met wide green ones. "Someone caught me. Someone who harbors the same darkness inside him that I do. Someone who understands."
"Who…?"
"Touda."
Hisoka gaped at him. "Wha… what?!"
"It's not bad, Hisoka," Tsuzuki added calmly. "It's actually… better than before. "He's my control mechanism. I need him."
Hisoka still stared at him, then his face darkened and he glared at the sky. "Fine!" he growled.
"Hisoka…" Tsuzuki tried, but the teen wouldn't look at him. He was pointedly ignoring his partner.
Tsuzuki sighed sadly and pushed his hands into the pockets of his pants, starting toward the administration building again.
He's a child. He wouldn't understandTouda broke the silence around him.
Hisoka's no child. Physically he's a teenager, but he's older
An exasperated sigh. I know that, idiot
Tsuzuki managed a little laugh. For a shikigami as old as Touda, Hisoka was truly just a child. And Tsuzuki himself wasn't any better. With close to a century of age he couldn't even scratch the surface of the immortal's.
He'll get over it
Over what?
My presence echoing in yours. It's disturbing him
Tsuzuki nodded to himself, feeling bad about making Hisoka feel bad. He had never thought about the empath and what he might pick up.
Don't blame yourself for what you cannot control!
He nodded to himself. But maybe it was more than having this bond now. Hisoka had tried to gain a shikigami himself, needing to be as strong as Tsuzuki he thought. Tsuzuki had never thought of Hisoka as weak. His partner had a strength Tsuzuki himself had never had. But Hisoka just saw the twelve Divine Commanders and felt inferior.
A shikigami's strength comes from the strength of a shinigami's heart, not the other way around, he heard an old thought echo in his head.
Yes, he had their power at his command, but they were feeding off his own strength to be such formidable warriors.
It's his own problemTouda rumbled, disgusted.
No. He looks at me and sees… you guys
Like I said – his problem. If he hasn't understood the workings of this partnership yet, he's an idiot. A child
Tsuzuki sighed silently. Well, he had someone else to face, someone who scared him more than his partner sometimes. His boss, Konoe, and then there was Tatsumi. He swallowed a little. He really didn't want to confront Tatsumi. The worst he now had to go through was a rant and a dressing down from Konoe. Tatsumi… well, he would be worse. Just one look from those blue eyes and he would be shaking in his shoes.
To his surprise, none of the above happened. Konoe wasn't even in. Something about a meeting between Division chiefs or other. Tatsumi met him in the office, blue eyes looking at him, calm and collected, giving nothing away.
"Welcome back," he said quietly.
"Tatsumi, I… I was…"
The smile grew warmer, chasing away the stern expression.
"I know."
Tsuzuki swallowed. He knew? Tatsumi knew… what? Nervousness flooded him and he caught sight of Hisoka shooting him a frown. His partner had silently followed him and was keeping a modicum of distance.
"Tatsumi…?"
Blue eyes were warm with concern. "Are you okay?"
He cared. Tsuzuki could hear it in his voice, saw it in his face, and it embarrassed him to know that Tatsumi, despite giving him such hard times, despite yelling at him for spending too much of 'his' money or slacking off… well, Tatsumi would always forgive. He could care, he would worry, he would be there for him.
A hand touched his face, warm and reassuring, and he looked into the deep blue eyes of his former partner.
I just want you to be happy. He recalled the words when he had been trapped inside the novel. The Tatsumi in there had been a fictional character, created by the Count, but he had had the soul of the man now looking at him. His personality, his traits, his passion, ad his dreams.
Tatsumi loved him, wanted him to be happy, and the Shadow Master would do everything to ensure this happiness. Even deny his attachment, his friendship, their partnership. Tsuzuki hadn't understood back then, but a lot had become clear after the book incident.
Tatsumi protected him with each and every of his actions. He didn't want this sacrifice, but it had happened and no one could make it undone. He had to live with it, just like he had to live with so much.
"Uh, yes… fine…" he now murmured.
"Good."
Their eyes were still locked and finally Tsuzuki dropped his gaze as well as his hand.
"I'll… ah… better get to work."
"The chief said you have the rest of the week off. We don't want to see you here till Monday."
"Okay," Tsuzuki said weakly.
Any other time he would have cheered and celebrated his off time, but right now he was too stunned.
Tatsumi nodded, the awkward moment still in the air. He gave Hisoka a brief look and a half-smile, then turned and walked into his office.
Tsuzuki exhaled slowly. Wordlessly he went over to his desk despite the fact that he was actually not on duty and looked at the neatly placed folders, the lack of forms to fill out or reports to finish. He looked at Hisoka.
"You didn't have to do that," he said quietly.
The serious youth grimaced a little. "I didn't want to get buried in an avalanche from your desk. Don't think I was doing you a favor, okay?"
Tsuzuki smiled gently. "Of course not."
And as always the friendly, caring smile completely caught Hisoka off guard. He blinked, trying to uphold his mask of indifference. His partner had never been good at staying mad at him for a prolonged time, but it hurt Tsuzuki every time anyway. He didn't want Hisoka mad at him; this had been his longest partnership ever. It worked, it was actually complimentary, and he didn't want anyone else.
"Thank you," came the soft addition.
Hisoka turned away, trying to keep his emotions under control, and stalked over to his desk to plop into his chair.
"Don't be such an idiot," the younger shinigami muttered and switched on his computer.
Tsuzuki wasn't fooled by the act. He had never been. Still smiling, feeling strangely warm by the affection shown to him. Touda moved lazily, like a large cat, stretching and then curling up.
Told you
Tsuzuki caught the glance from Hisoka and gave him an apologetic smile. The youth huffed.
Yes, this would take some getting used to on both their parts. Hisoka had to either ignore Touda's presence whenever the serpent shikigami came to the forefront, or live with the presence. Tsuzuki wished he could lessen the burden on his friend, but there was no chance of it. Hisoka was an empath and his shields were still in training.
Tsuzuki turned to his computer to check on mails and stuff like that.
"The boss gave you off," Hisoka reminded him gruffly. "I thought you'd be out of here by now, not actually working!"
He pointedly reached over and flipped off the screen.
"Hisoka…"
"Get out, okay? Let those who can't slack off work!"
Tsuzuki watched his young partner and smiled gently. "How about I'll start my day off work after today, help you with the office stuff, and we get some dinner together?" he asked.
Hisoka huffed. "Whatever!"
He moved away and Tsuzuki was alone. He sighed softly. Oh well…
Switching the screen back on, Tsuzuki listlessly scanned through his folders and finally chose some of the recent entries to check on. He might be evading work as much as was possible, but he never disregarded his duties as a shinigami. He had lost three days of work, of information, of possible cases, and he planned on catching up on them. Only a few more hours till the end of the day and tomorrow he could sleep in, relax, enjoy his off time.
He was in the middle of a file when someone suddenly placed a plate in front of him. A slice of apple pie sat on it. Tsuzuki's eyes widened and he looked up, right into the neutral green eyes of his partner.
"Hisoka?"
"You missed Wakaba's pie party yesterday. She saved you some leftovers."
Stunned, he looked from the young shinigami to the pie, speechless.
"Th… thank you…"
Hisoka shrugged, but there was a smile in his eyes. He settled down on his chair and went back to work.
Tsuzuki kept smiling as he ate his favorite dessert.
"I get to choose the restaurant," Hisoka suddenly said and he looked up, meeting the cool, green gaze.
"Restaurant?"
"Dinner, remember?"
"Oh, right. Okay." Tsuzuki grinned like a little kid.
"And you're paying," Hisoka added.
Oh well, there were ups and then there were downs. "Okay," he said once again, not really caring.
Kurosaki Hisoka was his partner. He loved him, protected him, needed him. He would do everything for the younger shinigami, and if it went covering a probably expensive restaurant bill, well, it was worth it.
Tsuzuki cleaned the plate, feeling wonderfully sated and warm. He felt Touda close by, wrapped around him like a shield, a living and breathing and caring shield.
Maybe he should thank Enma-Daiou for this… but maybe he shouldn't. The master of this realm did nothing without expecting something to come from it, and whatever he thought would come from releasing Tsuzuki's inner power and force, the shinigami wasn't sure it was something he wanted to know.
For now, he would just try and get his life and partnership in order. Everything else would show in time.