Laced
Disclaimer: Don't own anything, 'gray blue eyes' by Dave Matthews Band.
Rating: R for precautions, but will be later on.
Spoiler: Season 10 Finale.
Pairing: Luka/Abby, Carter/Abby friendship.
Summary: Part 3: Mr. & Mrs. Santa Claus. Abby battles over her decision to do the right thing, and Luka gets a surprise visit…almost.
Part 3: Mr. & Mrs. Santa Claus.
He couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes he'd see horrifying images of Sam and Alex being mugged, or killed in some dark alley with no one to call for help.
Luka knew it was foolish to be worried about their safety, Sam could always take care of herself, not to mention her son, she'd go through heaven and earth to help him anyway she could, and the funny thing was that he'd go through heaven and earth to help them.
It was no joke that he'd considered the Taggerts his family, and somehow he just thought that one day he'd open his eyes and Alex would run into his room, and yell at him and Sam for not waking up in time to drive him to school. It was horrible how one minute you had everything you ever needed and the next you were alone, insomnia plaguing you and a post card was your worst enemy.
Luka rolled half way across the bed, burying his head in the pillow next to him, this was a pillow that anyone besides him slept on, the last one was Sam, he hadn't been with anyone since, and it ate away at him: how loyal he could be to a woman who left him, ran away, took a break, call it whatever you want. Luka preferred to think that she'd abandoned him, and possibly the happiest months of his life diminished.
Maybe he could drink himself to death, not show up for work, get fired, be forced to move back home, and live in blissful ignorance of how he'd screwed up his life. Those thoughts of refuge kept coming in and out his head.
On good nights he imagined that Sam and Alex had settled down somewhere in a busy city, maybe New York, maybe Seattle, and Alex was quickly making friends in school, joined the baseball team, while Sam got a job in another ER, saving other people's lives.
But on bad nights like this, he couldn't stop thinking about the dangers of the world around him, and how he could've let Sam and Alex disappear like that; he should've done something, called the police? No, they wouldn't have any jurisdiction, and Sam would leave while hating him for interfering. But he did interfere, and she didn't do much except start the car and leave.
On bad nights, he wanted to open his liquor cabinet and never close it, he wanted to disappear, and usually when he was drunk he'd leave the house and start walking in the direction of where he'd last seen Sam drive off, and then end up back home with the most horrible hangover.
He had to stop playing this game, it was killing him, and Luka knew that, except nothing seemed to push him to straighten up, as if he'd lost all confidence in himself, he didn't even get outside help. He was just so fucking good at hiding his emotions…
Abby leaned back into the vinyl seating in the cab after having giving the driver directions to Luka's place. She took a deep breath and wondered how she'd let Carter persuade her to do this.
It was crazy how quickly things turned around, a few weeks ago she was mourning her relationship with Carter, trying to keep her brother in his new program and balancing work all at the same time, while trying to avoid the soothing call of liquor. Now she was on her way to bare her soul to someone who left her bed two years ago, but never left her heart.
" I am so stupid." She said out loud, frustrated and not at all embarrassed by her outburst.
" Anything the matter?" The elderly cab driver asked politely, while making a right turn off the intersection.
Four more blocks and she would have to face what could potentially be the heartbreak of her life.
" Nothing's the matter, everything is fucking peachy." Abby murmured, unaware that her new friend wasn't buying it.
" You still want to go to 6th and Heart?" He asked carefully.
" Yes, I'm just not sure it's a good idea." Abby said bewildered as to why she was telling this to a perfect stranger.
That's when you knew you were mentally in trouble, when you had absolutely no one except a cab driver to confine in.
Except she did anyway, " Hey, can I smoke in here?" The urge for nicotine escalated from the time of her last cigarette.
" No, but I can make an exception for a beautiful lady." The cab driver, who bared an uncanny resemblance to Santa Claus, smiled into the rear view mirror, and extended a Zippo lighter to Abby, who was rummaging her purse for matches.
" Thanks." She accepted, and lit up a Capri, " You're a smoker?" The lighter was returned.
" Yes, old habits die hard." He winked into the rear view mirror, and it made Abby smile.
" Some habits can kill you." She proclaimed bitterly, as she rolled the window down.
" Well, life's too short, so you might as well indulge." The man suggested, and Abby frowned, suddenly realizing he didn't just mean the cigarettes.
Fueled with anticipation and desire, Abby took a long pull from the cigarette, " Well here we are." The driver chimed, and Abby grimaced.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. " And maybe you're a coward." She chided herself, but despite the fact that she had been ready to do this a few minutes before, something stopped her now.
" I can wait outside for you." Her acquaintance suggested, when she was half way out the door, but she shook her head, and took a quick moment to look at the second story of the old Victorian styled brick apartment building.
His curtains were drawn in the bedroom, and the living room was pitch black. Maybe he was asleep, she shouldn't wake him, it would be futile to carry on a conversation with a cranky Luka she knew that much from experience.
" You know, on second thought." Abby poked her head back into the cab.
" Another destination?"
" Yeah." Abby said, and gave him directions to her place, " I'm going home because I'm a fucking coward."
She hadn't realized she'd said it out loud until the soulful jazz tunes of B.B. King poured into the car.
She sent the driver a strange look and he smiled, " When my first wife cheated on me this guy helped me skip the bottle."
And Abby frowned even more, how could a relationship survive in this world if even Mr. & Mrs. Santa Claus couldn't make it work…
It was rounding 9 pm when Luka woke up, and got out of bed. Gleaming streetlights poured into his room and he squinted under the light. Trying to rub the cobwebs of sleep from his eyes, Luka realized that any sort of light wasn't going to remedy the beginning of a strenuous migraine.
He shut the curtains, and navigated his way through the dark apartment purely based on familiarity. These thoughts made him wonder if he should try and take a few weeks off to finally go visit his family, after all nothing could heal a broken heart like being surrounded by those who love you, and who stayed to care for you.
Luka ended up in his kitchen, where he went to get something to cure his throat from scratchiness. He chose a Budweiser with strong suspicion that by tomorrow morning he'd have to call in sick, because of a massive hangover.
He opened up the bottle, put it to his lips and took a drink before heading into the living room, in time to hear a car pull up on the curb by his building. It was most definitely not for him, but curiosity got the best of him, and having nothing better to do he walked to the window and pushed away one curtain.
What he saw made his heart skip a beat; it couldn't possibly be Abby who just stepped out of the cab, a long slender cigarette in her right hand, her thumb flicking of the ashes. When Luka's eyes adjusted to the streetlights he could almost identify his ex lover, and the expression on her face.
She looked pensive and unsure; her hand seemed to shake as she took small puffs of the cigarette. Did she have friends in this neighborhood? No, and all speculation was pushed aside when she sent a longing gaze his way, and then sighed and got into the cab.
Luka didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until the cab sped away into the direction it came from. She hadn't seen him otherwise she would've come inside right? Did she need something? Oh god, he was going mad, maybe it wasn't even her, but Luka couldn't deny that his eyes never betrayed him, and there was no point arguing with what he knew was true inside his heart.
Abby had come to see him, but didn't really make the attempt, she was always within arm's reach but so difficult to get…
I feel for the light
Your glory was lost that night
And no mind can't get me right
And now I'm praying that you'll find me out
TBC…