Yep I'm updating again! Thank you to all people who reviewed. I really appreciate it! I would have had this up sooner but I've been spending a lot of time on The Fellowship of the Orange Suburban, a fic I'm doing with my sister, and haven't been focusing so much on this. Also I just bought a piccolo (It's mine, my own, my precioussss...) and have been practicing a lot. I just love piccolos! I found out it's really fun to play Rule Britannia on a piccolo! If you have one, you should try it! Ahem, now I will stop talking about piccolos and start the story.
Disclaimer: I own my precious, I mean piccolo, but nothing more.
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"Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam-"
"SHUT UP!"
Pippin sighed. Some people didn't understand the rich culture of Monty Python.
Merry and Pippin had sung just about every Monty Python song they knew (which was nearly all of them), and haven't been able to get all the way through one. Every time they started, someone would shush them.
Kind of like Prince Herbert in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Pippin thought dully.
Everyone was sitting in silence when Merry asked the question.
"What is Spam anyway?"
The friends looked at each other (or at least they thought they did- it's still dark). There were plenty of "Hmm..."s and "Uh..."s but no one knew the answer. It never occurred to them to look at the ingredients on the package. Then again, they didn't buy Spam much. No one really liked it much except for Boromir. Boromir was a bit out there though.
What is Spam? Frodo mulled the question over in his mind.
"It's a meat substitute," Arwen offered.
"Yeah but what's it MADE of?"
Pippin suddenly got an idea. "MEAT!" he cried out, "It's made of meat!"
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Eowyn felt they were finally making some headway. Then again, this was Faramir she was following. How he became a Captain of Gondor, she'll never know.
"Honey," she said nervously, dreading the answer, "What will we do when we find the power switch? What if the lights don't come on?"
"I dunno."
One of the many things that drove her crazy was Faramir's reply to nearly all questions: "I dunno". It got really old really fast. Sometimes she wondered about his intelligence. But, she thought, look what he has for a father!
Just as Eowyn was about to suggest turning back, Faramir stopped her. "Shh!" he whispered, "We're getting close!"
Eowyn sighed. Yet again her husband was being overly dramatic. She looked at Faramir, who was now humming "Mission Impossible". He was having way too much fun.
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"Friggen batteries!" Aragorn was struggling to open a package of AA batteries while Gandalf stood back and watched.
Fuming, Aragorn resorted to opening the package with one of the many blades he carried with him.
"Gandalf!" he yelled. "Make yourself useful and put some batteries in those flashlights."
Gandalf shrugged and got to work. Hmm...which side goes up? The or the -? Hmm...
Aragorn eventually looked over to check on Gandalf.
"Gandalf! What are you doing?"
The wizard had gotten bored and decided to use the batteries as dominoes.
"Huh?" came the reply. "Oh, nothing."
Gandalf quickly gathered them up and smiled sheepishly.
Aragorn glared at him. "Give me those!"
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"But if it's a meat substitute, it can't be made of meat. That's why it's called a meat SUBSTITUTE!"
"I beg to differ."
"Does it matter?" Legolas was extremely annoyed by now. People arguing over senseless things gave him headaches.
"Yes!" cried Merry and Pippin.
"You know," Gimli said, "I did a report on Spam a few years back. And I think Spam's made from the hard leftover parts of animals that are ground up and can't be eaten otherwise. Where did you hear it was a meat substitute?"
"Look," Arwen said, "when the lights are back on, we'll check the ingredients on the Spam package."
"Fine," said Pippin. To Merry he said, "I bet you 5 bucks I'm right."
"I'm not going to bet."
"Chicken! You know I'm right!"
"Ok, I'll bet one dollar."
"That's all?"
The rest of the group sighed. The hobbits' bickering was ceaseless.
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Aragorn slammed the batteries into the flashlights. He was frustrated, angry, and quite hungry by now. Don't worry, he thought, it'll all pay off in the end. Or so he hoped.
Meanwhile, Gandalf had been amusing himself by poking and prodding random objects, one of them being Aragorn (which did nothing to improve the rangers mood).
"Gandalf..." he said in a tone that clearly meant, "leave me alone if you want to keep your beard". Amazingly, Gandalf took the hint and buggered off to pick at something else. He was in the middle of "tasting" a bar of soap he found on a shelf when he heard a cry of distress from the ranger.
Or maybe it was triumph.
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"How much longer?" Eowyn whined, even though she already knew the answer. She braced herself; it was coming, she knew it-
"I think we're there."
Eowyn blinked. Faramir had just answered a question with something other than "I dunno." Unbelievable. That and the fact that they were actually at their goal was incomprehensible. Eowyn was amazed.
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Good evening gentlemen, m'lady," Aragorn said as calmly as he could, which was rather hard considering he was bursting with pride.
"Aragorn, is that you?" Arwen resisted the urge to run up to him and kiss him. In the dark she might go up to the wrong person and kiss someone like Boromir. Eww. She gagged at the thought.
"How did you find us in the dark?" Frodo asked.
It really wasn't hard. Merry and Pippin were arguing and anyone within a ten-mile radius could hear them. All he and Gandalf had to do was follow the sound of their voices. Instead of saying any of this though, Aragorn simply replied, "I am a ranger you know."
"Well I'm glad you're back!" Arwen exclaimed.
"Hey doesn't anyone care about me?" Gandalf asked in a pitiful voice, "I'm back too!"
Legolas dearly wanted to say "Face it! No one likes you, you old fart!" but refrained from doing so, not wanting to cause another argument. Not after Merry and Pippin.
"Of course we care about you Mr. Gandalf sir," Sam said, voicing the opposite of what was on everyone's minds.
"Anyway," Aragorn said, wanting to share his news, "Gandalf and I have just discovered and brought with us something that will make all of our lives a whole lot easier. You see, we found it when we were heading towards the-"
"Cut to the chase already!" Gimli cried out, "We haven't got all day!" (or was it night?)
"Fine," said Aragorn, rather put out for the moment, "Ahem, ladies and gentlemen, I give you..."
This is it! he thought. He was about to pull the flashlight from behind his back when something happened. He could see. Wait, if he could see, that means...
"Hey the lights are back on!" Boromir said, stating the obvious.
Everyone, save Aragorn, started cheering.
"Eowyn and Faramir must have found out what was wrong! They saved the day!"
"Three cheers for the two!"
In the middle of all this, Arwen came over and planted a large smooch on the depressed man's cheek.
"Now what was it you wanted to show us?"
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A/N: So...did you like it? Poor Aragorn. He tries so hard. I had to turn the lights on though because Faramir was starting to scare me. Also I have finally realized that the scene change things I had been using were not showing up when I posted my chapters. At least I don't think they did. But I apologise if there was any confusion in the past. Anyway, if you haven't already, please read The Fellowship of the Orange Suburban, written by my sister and I. It is hilarious. If you like this story, you'll LOVE that one! Oh yeah, it wouldn't hurt to review!