A/N: *enormous sweatdrop* Eh-heh. Hey guys... *is hit with tomato* I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I know it's been like a month...or two...since I've updated, but I DO have my reasons!
.........
Ummm, I'm not typing them. That'd just be a waste or your time and my time. -.-;; I've been...DISTRACTED.
And, once again, thank you so much for the reviews!! ("scroll factor"? what's THAT? *stupid face*)
Knives: *shakes head* They only review because--
AHEM!! ^^ On with the chapter!
Disclaimer: I tire of these things, and - *GASP!* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! .....erm... *looks around* I'm watching Trigun right now (got the DVDs for Christmas! XD), and Legato just got shot. *sniffle* I hate when the psychos die...if I owned Trigun, that would have never happened... *cries*
~*~*~*~*~*NYAO: A Cat Fond of Sweltering Heat *~*~*~*~*~
"...I hate you." She crosses her arms, glaring at the other host.
^^ "You can thank me later."
"WHY did I have to come again?"
******FLASHBACK*****
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"I said NO damnit!"
"I said YES damnit!"
"You are NOT making me go to Texas!" Ashley grabs onto a nearby pole.
"Oh yes I am!" Megan proceeds to drag her off.
"NO! Get awAY!!" She kicks.
"Whore! You're coming with me!" She pulls harder.
"No! It's hot and sticky and gross down there!"
"It's winter!"
"So what!? Go by yourself!"
"It's for the good of the show!"
"ARGH!!" Her hands are pried off. "I DON'T WANNA GO!" The smaller girl drags her down the street screaming. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
****END FLASHBACK*****
"You begged and begged to come, remember?"
"As I recall, you DRAGGED me here! …AND AGAINST MY OWN FREE WILL!!"
^^ "You have a terrible memory, Ashley!"
"Ugh..." She crosses her arms. "How much longer?"
"Only nineteen hours!"
"Nineteen? NINETEEN?!"
"Come on, let's sing a song! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ALL AROUND THE TOOOWWN!!!"
Everyone within a 50-mile radius looked out their window as they heard the agonizing screech.
...this was going to be a long trip...
:::::::::::::::::::::::::21 HOURS LATER::::::::::::::::::
"...urg..." The two hosts stumble out of the car, clutching their stomachs. "Hungry...thirsty...need...to pee..."
"Need to pee?" She throws her hands in the air. "You just went five minutes ago!"
"...oh." Megan puts on a cheery smile. "In that case, let's go do something FUN!"
"I'm going to kill you..."
"Come on, now!" She pats her on the back. "It's not that bad!"
*twitch* "Did you just hit me?"
"Uh...no." She frowns, removing her hand.
"Then what the hell would you call THAT?"
"I was just...giving you a...friendly, little..." She repeats the action.
"ARGH! Stop hitting me!!"
"I AM NOT HITTING YOU!!" She slaps her upside the head. "THAT is hitting you!"
"MOTHER SON OF A WHORE!!" Ashley dives at her.
"Gyah! Get away from me!" She pansy-slaps in retaliation.
"Ow, ow, OW! DIEE!!!"
"AHHHHH!!!!" They fall to the ground, biting, kicking, and shrieking.
"........." The black cat casually walks over to the scene. "...umm, hello?"
*kick*
*punch*
*rip*
"Excuse me, but are you two...uh..."
They continue to fight, not taking notice.
"Um...meow?"
Megan whips her head up, gasps, and lets out an ear-piercing scream. "KURONEKO!!!"
"Nyao!"
"KURONEKO-SAMAAAA!!" She scrambles off the larger host. "I thought you weren't gonna be here 'till seven!"
"Nyeh, well, you know me…"
"YAAAYY!!!" She picks it up in a rough hug. "I love you Mr. Kitty!"
"Mr....Kitty...!?..." It chokes.
"I wanna love him and hug him and squeeze him and hold him----"
'Oh God, make it go away.'
"---and kiss him and feed him and wash him and---"
'GRRRR!!!' With the ferocity of a tiger, the little black cat leaps onto her face, hissing and clawing.
"What are you doing Mr. Kitty!?" She grabs the feline and rips it off, hurling it over her shoulder.
"MEEOOOWWWWWW!!!!"
".......holy effing Christ!" Ashley pries the thrown cat off her face. "What the hell was that for!?"
It calmly takes a seat, wrapping its tail around the front and looking as innocent as ever. "...mew?"
"DON'T YOU TRY THAT BULLSHIT ON ME!! YOUR KITTY CRAP WON'T WORK!!!!"
"...damn." It unfurls its tail and assumes a wicked expression. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"
"Yes," she glares daggers. "LET'S."
"Okay, okay!" Megan recovers from the attack and whips out a note card. "First question! 'Why are you so omnipresent, nyao? ~NeptuneHelena'."
"What?" He asks from behind her. "What makes you think that?"
"AH!! POLTIERGEIST!"
"No, just me."
"Because, you...pop up like that! EVERYWHERE!!"
"...oh. Well, uh...I guess it's just my nature."
Ashley narrows her eyes. She could swear that cat was grinning.
"...good enough for me!" She chucks the card behind her and reaches for another one. "El Hustino wants to know: 'Don't you get hot? I mean, Gunsmoke is a desert planet and you're a black cat...that can't be good.' He also asks: 'If black cats are unlucky and you follow Vash around, then does that mean you're the cause of Vash's bad luck?'" She squints at the scribbling. "Oh. He says hi to Lil Kayke, too."
Kuroneko stretches, kneading the ground. "I like hot places...is that a problem?"
"Well, no, but..."
"That's why I'm in Texas."
"OR!" Ashley rises. "You're here on a top secret mission for the government!...or aliens!" She points for emphasis. "FROM OUTER SPACE!!"
The cat blinks.
Megan sweatdrops. "Ashley...I thought we talked about this..."
"What? You don't believe me?"
"Eh-heh...it's not that..." She leans over, whispering in the cat's ear. "She didn't have her meds today..."
He nods slightly, flicking his tail.
"You're...you're mocking me, aren't you?!" Ashley accuses.
He blinks again. "Of course not. Why would I do that?"
"Because you're a slimy little--"
"Us space aliens don't take kindly to hurting others."
"You...you...!"
"AS I was saying..." He sticks his nose in the air snootily. "Black cats are NOT unlucky."
At that moment a bird flew overhead and decided to take a nice steaming shit on Kuroneko's...head.
The hosts stare for a moment before rolling over with laughter.
"Oh NO!" Ashley gasps. "Of course not! It's just a silly superstition!"
"Yeah, you don't have bad luck!" Megan howls.
"AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
A vein in his temple starts to throb. "Must...resist...urge...to...slaughter..." He composes himself, rubbing as much of it off as he can and gaining their attention with a soft hiss. "That was just a...coincidence. I don't give Vash bad luck."
They try to maintain serious expressions.
"Mm-hm." A small squeak.
"S-sure." She bites her lip.
He stares at them incredulously. "Don't you DARE..."
"AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!"
He shakes his head and walks away.
"AHHHH---hey!---HHHHHH---where ya goin' Kitty!?---HHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
"Inside. I need to clean myself."
Megan abruptly stops laughing. "That's not a good idea!" She runs to the porch and throws herself at the front door. "Don't go in there!"
"And why not?"
"My grandma's afraid of cats!"
"Oh?" He goes to rub against her legs. "How afraid?"
"Deathly! And EW! DON'T TOUCH ME!!"
"Purrow?"
"NO! Get away!!" She reaches for the handle.
"Well I'll be damned!" A distinct accent from behind catches her off-guard, allowing just enough space for Kuroneko to slip by. "If it ain't my little Megabite!"
She gasps at the fleeing cat, then winces at her nickname and turns around smiling to confront her grandpa. "Hello!"
"Oh! And who's this lovely lady?" He gestures to a dumbfounded Ashley in the background.
"That's my friend, remember? I told you about her on the phone..."
"Ah, yeah! Come on in girls!" He shouts and steps back inside.
"...lovely relative." She mumbles.
"Eat it." They follow suit, walking through the entrance area warily.
"So...was that Kuroneko I saw run in here?" Ashley whispers.
"Yep. We better find him before my grandma does."
She nods her consent, following the shorter girl to the bathroom.
"Did you hear that?"
Her eyes widen. "It couldn't be..."
They slowly open the door before letting out twin gasps. "Kuroneko!"
He looks up from his seated position with a quirked eyebrow. "Don't you ever knock?"
"Were you…were you drinking out of the toilet?"
He shakes his drenched head. "Just washing that crap off."
"Why didn't you use the sink?"
"This is easy access."
Ashley twitches. "That's not sanitary..."
"Now, if you'll excuse me..."
They stare at him. "Huh?"
"...never mind." He swipes a paw at the metal handle, flushing it.
"Uhh...why'd you do that?"
"Don't wanna leave evidence..." He returns their blank stares. "...HAIR."
"Oh yeah."
"Whose in the bathroom?!"
"Eep!" They jump at the shout. "Just me Clay!"
"Megan?" He cracks open the door. "What're you...oh!" He points between the two hosts. "Why are there two of ya in the bathroom?"
"Uhh..." She plasters a smile on her face. "Girl stuff?"
He looks perplexed for a moment. "...oh! Why didn't ya say so?!"
*sweatdrop*
"Alright, I'll leave it to ya!" He shuts the door.
"...who was that?"
"My uncle...uh...maybe we should go..."
"Good idea."
Ashley grabs a towel and throws it over Kuroneko.
"Reowr!"
"Shut-up!" She flicks his head before covering it up and dashing back outside.
"Whew." Megan takes a seat on a lawn chair before glowering at the now deposited cat. "Not cool, Kuroneko."
He flattens his ears in annoyance. "You expected me to sit out here with bird shit all over myself?!"
"...yes."
He lets out a throaty growl. "Just ask the next question!"
"Fine..." *mutter mutter* "Lil Kayke says: ''Sup, 'Neko? How's it hanging, yo? (hi El Hustino!) So, Kuroneko, do you really enjoy mauling everyone in sight?'"
"Ehh…" He scratches his ear. "Just chillin' in mah crib wit' mah bitches."
"...we are NOT your bitches."
"And this is MY crib."
He shrugs casually. "Whatevah. And YES, I DO enjoy mauling everyone in sight...like my bitches here..."
"Godamnit!" Ashley makes a fist. "WE ARE NOT YOUR BITCHES!!!"
He blinks, shrugging again. "Whatevah..."
"Psh." Megan pulls out another card, rolling her eyes. Aurus wants to know: 'Nyao? Nyao? (purr) Nyah, nyao? …or if you prefer my next question, can I get little pet Kuronekos? They're so cute!'"
"Well," he says seriously. "You can always go to your local pet store and buy one there. If you find an all-black cat, it's a Kuroneko. But don't be fooled! The slightest discoloration means it's an imposter! And don't be surprised if it doesn't warm up to you very quickly…we're not supposed to give away our identities."
Ashley covers her mouth with a hand. "I told you! He's working for the GOVERNEMNT!"
He bristles defensively. "YOU HEARD NOTHING!!!"
"Gyah!"
"Next question!" She quickly retrieves a notecard. "Mimic asks: 'Why are you always with Vash?' ...good thing he's not here to blow anything up..."
"Why am I always with Vash? WHY AM I ALWAYS WITH VASH?! WELL--" He calmly sits back down. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"...obviously."
"I'm not at liberty to reveal such information...sorry."
*mumbling obscenities* "...jackass..."
"LegacyRBluesummers wants to know: 'Where the heck do you keep coming from?!' ...good question…"
*sigh* "Don't you people ever learn?"
"...learn...what's that?"
He scowls at her before continuing. "There's a lot of us and quite frankly, I don't feel like explaining the circumstances of our appearances."
"...you really suck, ya know that?"
*smirk*
"From Pudding333: 'Don't you get hot sometimes? I mean, the desert heat, the extreme amounts of sunlight, and how your fur is black…I would think most things would keel over and croak by then, but you don't.'"
"Well!" He says with fake enthusiasm. "Who needs a suitable environment when you've got all these birds to crap on your head!?"
The hosts restrain themselves from another outburst of laughter.
"Y-yeah…suitable environment's are for squares…hehehe…"
"Wow, you're funny Kuroneko."
"And you're stupid," he retorts.
"Fine, not funny, just an ass." She pulls out another audience question. "WindGoddessRind is curious: 'How do you always manage to follow Vash around? I mean, it MUST be hard to follow after him when he's in a vehicle…or are you HIDDEN in the vehicle? HOW DO YOU DO IT?'"
"Keh. If those two incompetent insurance girls can stay hot on his trail, so can I."
"...wow. Aren't we articulate today?"
*flinch*
"Alright. Kay and Molly ask: 'Are there anymore of you? I mean, it's like physically impossible to appear in as many places as you, isn't it? I mean, come on! WHERE DO YOU ALL HIDE?!"
He shuts his eyes from an apparent headache. "Do I have to say it again?"
"Oh, because it's SUCH a hassle." Ashley replies sarcastically.
"I didn't ASK you..."
"Now, now. They didn't know another person would ask a similar question…don't get your panties in a bunch…"
"He doesn't wear any, remember?"
"...whoa. Deja-vu..."
"Are we almost done?"
"How should I know?" She grabs another card. "Raditz wonders: 'Do you think you go better with BBQ sauce or teriyaki? Because Saiyans such as myself require sustenance, and I wonder what black cats tastes like...'"
*blink*
"...excuse me?"
"I think she wants to eat you..."
*blink*
"...EXCUSE ME?"
"Damn Kuroneko, do I gotta say it again?"
"...what the HELL?!" He stands on all fours. "SOMEONE WANTS TO EAT ME?! THEY SAID AS LONG AS I DID MY JOB I WOULD NEVER BE HARMED!!!"
"...what was that?"
"Er..." he bristles again. "YOU HEARD NOTHING!"
"...okay."
Ashley opens her mouth to add to the conversation when a resounding boom...
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!*
...interrupts them.
"Holy shit! What was that?!"
"I dunno, listen!"
They stop talking and tilt their heads to the side.
"What is it!?" A heavy accent demands.
"It looks like one of them Pokie-man things!" Another responds.
*CH-CH*
"Let's kill it!"
*gunfire*
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" A white dude comes flying out of the house with MIB sunglasses on his face and an arsenal of weapons (which include but are not limited to: a triple barreled shotgun, a huge ax, grenades, a rocket launcher...*snicker*) strapped to his back.
He runs over to them, breathless. "Kuroneko!" *pant pant* "I have a question for you!"
"...yes?"
"Can...I...keep you?!"
"Ummm...no."
"DAMNATION!!" He takes sight of the small mob behind him and blunders on ahead. "I WON'T FORGET THIIISSS!!!"
O.O "...wow."
o.o;; "...yeah..."
Kuroneko plays with a blade of grass nonchalantly. "Happens all the time."
Megan shakes her head before reaching for another card. "Hmm? What's this?" She pulls one out, looking at it curiously. "Hn. Last one."
'Yesssss.'
*clears throat* "This one's from Kitsunedemon: 'Can I pet you Mr. Kittty-sama?? I wanna pet you and feel SPECIAL! I WANNA FEEL SPECIAL!'......"
She smiles slyly.
"...what? What's that look?"
"Can I PLEASE?!" Ashley begs from behind the animal.
*nod*
"YAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!" She whips out a rope, grinning psychotically. "Time for your close-up, KURONEKOOOO!!!"
"Eek! What the hell are you doing?!"
"Tying you up silly!" She proceeds to wrap the rope around him in a tight fit. "There we go!"
"WHORE!" He spats.
"Now now! We can't have talk like that!" She bundles him up in the towel she used earlier. "There we go!"
"MMMMFFF!!! MMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!"
"What was that? Speak up!"
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFF!!!!!!!!!!"
"Nope, sorry, can't make out what you're saying!"
Megan skips over with a pen and scribbles something on the towel. "All set!"
"MMMM?!"
"Now to put this package in the mail!"
"MMMMMMMMMMMF?!?!?!?!?!"
"Did you hear something Ashley?"
She looks thoughtful for an instant. "...NOPE!"
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!"
They run to the curb and hastily shove the "package" into the mailbox.
"Okay! He's on his way Kitsunedemon!"
"He should be there within the week...and then you can pet 'em all you want!"
They look at each other before going into another fit of laughter.
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!"
"See---HAHAHAHA----you next time---HAHAHA!!"
"Where we'll be interviewing--HAHAHAH---Monev the Gale---HAHHAHA---BARNEY!!"
"BARNEY?!?! AAAAAAHHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
They wave to the camera (poor Joe!) before rolling on the ground some more.
"BBBYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*THE END…no, not really…*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Well, that sure was interesting! -____-;; Kuroneko turned out to be a little prick!
(I still love him! ^^)
Yup! Monev the Gale's up next! Leave a review if ya wanna ask him something!
XD
LATER TURKEYS!!
.........
Ummm, I'm not typing them. That'd just be a waste or your time and my time. -.-;; I've been...DISTRACTED.
And, once again, thank you so much for the reviews!! ("scroll factor"? what's THAT? *stupid face*)
Knives: *shakes head* They only review because--
AHEM!! ^^ On with the chapter!
Disclaimer: I tire of these things, and - *GASP!* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! .....erm... *looks around* I'm watching Trigun right now (got the DVDs for Christmas! XD), and Legato just got shot. *sniffle* I hate when the psychos die...if I owned Trigun, that would have never happened... *cries*
~*~*~*~*~*NYAO: A Cat Fond of Sweltering Heat *~*~*~*~*~
"...I hate you." She crosses her arms, glaring at the other host.
^^ "You can thank me later."
"WHY did I have to come again?"
******FLASHBACK*****
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"I said NO damnit!"
"I said YES damnit!"
"You are NOT making me go to Texas!" Ashley grabs onto a nearby pole.
"Oh yes I am!" Megan proceeds to drag her off.
"NO! Get awAY!!" She kicks.
"Whore! You're coming with me!" She pulls harder.
"No! It's hot and sticky and gross down there!"
"It's winter!"
"So what!? Go by yourself!"
"It's for the good of the show!"
"ARGH!!" Her hands are pried off. "I DON'T WANNA GO!" The smaller girl drags her down the street screaming. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
****END FLASHBACK*****
"You begged and begged to come, remember?"
"As I recall, you DRAGGED me here! …AND AGAINST MY OWN FREE WILL!!"
^^ "You have a terrible memory, Ashley!"
"Ugh..." She crosses her arms. "How much longer?"
"Only nineteen hours!"
"Nineteen? NINETEEN?!"
"Come on, let's sing a song! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ALL AROUND THE TOOOWWN!!!"
Everyone within a 50-mile radius looked out their window as they heard the agonizing screech.
...this was going to be a long trip...
:::::::::::::::::::::::::21 HOURS LATER::::::::::::::::::
"...urg..." The two hosts stumble out of the car, clutching their stomachs. "Hungry...thirsty...need...to pee..."
"Need to pee?" She throws her hands in the air. "You just went five minutes ago!"
"...oh." Megan puts on a cheery smile. "In that case, let's go do something FUN!"
"I'm going to kill you..."
"Come on, now!" She pats her on the back. "It's not that bad!"
*twitch* "Did you just hit me?"
"Uh...no." She frowns, removing her hand.
"Then what the hell would you call THAT?"
"I was just...giving you a...friendly, little..." She repeats the action.
"ARGH! Stop hitting me!!"
"I AM NOT HITTING YOU!!" She slaps her upside the head. "THAT is hitting you!"
"MOTHER SON OF A WHORE!!" Ashley dives at her.
"Gyah! Get away from me!" She pansy-slaps in retaliation.
"Ow, ow, OW! DIEE!!!"
"AHHHHH!!!!" They fall to the ground, biting, kicking, and shrieking.
"........." The black cat casually walks over to the scene. "...umm, hello?"
*kick*
*punch*
*rip*
"Excuse me, but are you two...uh..."
They continue to fight, not taking notice.
"Um...meow?"
Megan whips her head up, gasps, and lets out an ear-piercing scream. "KURONEKO!!!"
"Nyao!"
"KURONEKO-SAMAAAA!!" She scrambles off the larger host. "I thought you weren't gonna be here 'till seven!"
"Nyeh, well, you know me…"
"YAAAYY!!!" She picks it up in a rough hug. "I love you Mr. Kitty!"
"Mr....Kitty...!?..." It chokes.
"I wanna love him and hug him and squeeze him and hold him----"
'Oh God, make it go away.'
"---and kiss him and feed him and wash him and---"
'GRRRR!!!' With the ferocity of a tiger, the little black cat leaps onto her face, hissing and clawing.
"What are you doing Mr. Kitty!?" She grabs the feline and rips it off, hurling it over her shoulder.
"MEEOOOWWWWWW!!!!"
".......holy effing Christ!" Ashley pries the thrown cat off her face. "What the hell was that for!?"
It calmly takes a seat, wrapping its tail around the front and looking as innocent as ever. "...mew?"
"DON'T YOU TRY THAT BULLSHIT ON ME!! YOUR KITTY CRAP WON'T WORK!!!!"
"...damn." It unfurls its tail and assumes a wicked expression. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"
"Yes," she glares daggers. "LET'S."
"Okay, okay!" Megan recovers from the attack and whips out a note card. "First question! 'Why are you so omnipresent, nyao? ~NeptuneHelena'."
"What?" He asks from behind her. "What makes you think that?"
"AH!! POLTIERGEIST!"
"No, just me."
"Because, you...pop up like that! EVERYWHERE!!"
"...oh. Well, uh...I guess it's just my nature."
Ashley narrows her eyes. She could swear that cat was grinning.
"...good enough for me!" She chucks the card behind her and reaches for another one. "El Hustino wants to know: 'Don't you get hot? I mean, Gunsmoke is a desert planet and you're a black cat...that can't be good.' He also asks: 'If black cats are unlucky and you follow Vash around, then does that mean you're the cause of Vash's bad luck?'" She squints at the scribbling. "Oh. He says hi to Lil Kayke, too."
Kuroneko stretches, kneading the ground. "I like hot places...is that a problem?"
"Well, no, but..."
"That's why I'm in Texas."
"OR!" Ashley rises. "You're here on a top secret mission for the government!...or aliens!" She points for emphasis. "FROM OUTER SPACE!!"
The cat blinks.
Megan sweatdrops. "Ashley...I thought we talked about this..."
"What? You don't believe me?"
"Eh-heh...it's not that..." She leans over, whispering in the cat's ear. "She didn't have her meds today..."
He nods slightly, flicking his tail.
"You're...you're mocking me, aren't you?!" Ashley accuses.
He blinks again. "Of course not. Why would I do that?"
"Because you're a slimy little--"
"Us space aliens don't take kindly to hurting others."
"You...you...!"
"AS I was saying..." He sticks his nose in the air snootily. "Black cats are NOT unlucky."
At that moment a bird flew overhead and decided to take a nice steaming shit on Kuroneko's...head.
The hosts stare for a moment before rolling over with laughter.
"Oh NO!" Ashley gasps. "Of course not! It's just a silly superstition!"
"Yeah, you don't have bad luck!" Megan howls.
"AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
A vein in his temple starts to throb. "Must...resist...urge...to...slaughter..." He composes himself, rubbing as much of it off as he can and gaining their attention with a soft hiss. "That was just a...coincidence. I don't give Vash bad luck."
They try to maintain serious expressions.
"Mm-hm." A small squeak.
"S-sure." She bites her lip.
He stares at them incredulously. "Don't you DARE..."
"AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!"
He shakes his head and walks away.
"AHHHH---hey!---HHHHHH---where ya goin' Kitty!?---HHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
"Inside. I need to clean myself."
Megan abruptly stops laughing. "That's not a good idea!" She runs to the porch and throws herself at the front door. "Don't go in there!"
"And why not?"
"My grandma's afraid of cats!"
"Oh?" He goes to rub against her legs. "How afraid?"
"Deathly! And EW! DON'T TOUCH ME!!"
"Purrow?"
"NO! Get away!!" She reaches for the handle.
"Well I'll be damned!" A distinct accent from behind catches her off-guard, allowing just enough space for Kuroneko to slip by. "If it ain't my little Megabite!"
She gasps at the fleeing cat, then winces at her nickname and turns around smiling to confront her grandpa. "Hello!"
"Oh! And who's this lovely lady?" He gestures to a dumbfounded Ashley in the background.
"That's my friend, remember? I told you about her on the phone..."
"Ah, yeah! Come on in girls!" He shouts and steps back inside.
"...lovely relative." She mumbles.
"Eat it." They follow suit, walking through the entrance area warily.
"So...was that Kuroneko I saw run in here?" Ashley whispers.
"Yep. We better find him before my grandma does."
She nods her consent, following the shorter girl to the bathroom.
"Did you hear that?"
Her eyes widen. "It couldn't be..."
They slowly open the door before letting out twin gasps. "Kuroneko!"
He looks up from his seated position with a quirked eyebrow. "Don't you ever knock?"
"Were you…were you drinking out of the toilet?"
He shakes his drenched head. "Just washing that crap off."
"Why didn't you use the sink?"
"This is easy access."
Ashley twitches. "That's not sanitary..."
"Now, if you'll excuse me..."
They stare at him. "Huh?"
"...never mind." He swipes a paw at the metal handle, flushing it.
"Uhh...why'd you do that?"
"Don't wanna leave evidence..." He returns their blank stares. "...HAIR."
"Oh yeah."
"Whose in the bathroom?!"
"Eep!" They jump at the shout. "Just me Clay!"
"Megan?" He cracks open the door. "What're you...oh!" He points between the two hosts. "Why are there two of ya in the bathroom?"
"Uhh..." She plasters a smile on her face. "Girl stuff?"
He looks perplexed for a moment. "...oh! Why didn't ya say so?!"
*sweatdrop*
"Alright, I'll leave it to ya!" He shuts the door.
"...who was that?"
"My uncle...uh...maybe we should go..."
"Good idea."
Ashley grabs a towel and throws it over Kuroneko.
"Reowr!"
"Shut-up!" She flicks his head before covering it up and dashing back outside.
"Whew." Megan takes a seat on a lawn chair before glowering at the now deposited cat. "Not cool, Kuroneko."
He flattens his ears in annoyance. "You expected me to sit out here with bird shit all over myself?!"
"...yes."
He lets out a throaty growl. "Just ask the next question!"
"Fine..." *mutter mutter* "Lil Kayke says: ''Sup, 'Neko? How's it hanging, yo? (hi El Hustino!) So, Kuroneko, do you really enjoy mauling everyone in sight?'"
"Ehh…" He scratches his ear. "Just chillin' in mah crib wit' mah bitches."
"...we are NOT your bitches."
"And this is MY crib."
He shrugs casually. "Whatevah. And YES, I DO enjoy mauling everyone in sight...like my bitches here..."
"Godamnit!" Ashley makes a fist. "WE ARE NOT YOUR BITCHES!!!"
He blinks, shrugging again. "Whatevah..."
"Psh." Megan pulls out another card, rolling her eyes. Aurus wants to know: 'Nyao? Nyao? (purr) Nyah, nyao? …or if you prefer my next question, can I get little pet Kuronekos? They're so cute!'"
"Well," he says seriously. "You can always go to your local pet store and buy one there. If you find an all-black cat, it's a Kuroneko. But don't be fooled! The slightest discoloration means it's an imposter! And don't be surprised if it doesn't warm up to you very quickly…we're not supposed to give away our identities."
Ashley covers her mouth with a hand. "I told you! He's working for the GOVERNEMNT!"
He bristles defensively. "YOU HEARD NOTHING!!!"
"Gyah!"
"Next question!" She quickly retrieves a notecard. "Mimic asks: 'Why are you always with Vash?' ...good thing he's not here to blow anything up..."
"Why am I always with Vash? WHY AM I ALWAYS WITH VASH?! WELL--" He calmly sits back down. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"...obviously."
"I'm not at liberty to reveal such information...sorry."
*mumbling obscenities* "...jackass..."
"LegacyRBluesummers wants to know: 'Where the heck do you keep coming from?!' ...good question…"
*sigh* "Don't you people ever learn?"
"...learn...what's that?"
He scowls at her before continuing. "There's a lot of us and quite frankly, I don't feel like explaining the circumstances of our appearances."
"...you really suck, ya know that?"
*smirk*
"From Pudding333: 'Don't you get hot sometimes? I mean, the desert heat, the extreme amounts of sunlight, and how your fur is black…I would think most things would keel over and croak by then, but you don't.'"
"Well!" He says with fake enthusiasm. "Who needs a suitable environment when you've got all these birds to crap on your head!?"
The hosts restrain themselves from another outburst of laughter.
"Y-yeah…suitable environment's are for squares…hehehe…"
"Wow, you're funny Kuroneko."
"And you're stupid," he retorts.
"Fine, not funny, just an ass." She pulls out another audience question. "WindGoddessRind is curious: 'How do you always manage to follow Vash around? I mean, it MUST be hard to follow after him when he's in a vehicle…or are you HIDDEN in the vehicle? HOW DO YOU DO IT?'"
"Keh. If those two incompetent insurance girls can stay hot on his trail, so can I."
"...wow. Aren't we articulate today?"
*flinch*
"Alright. Kay and Molly ask: 'Are there anymore of you? I mean, it's like physically impossible to appear in as many places as you, isn't it? I mean, come on! WHERE DO YOU ALL HIDE?!"
He shuts his eyes from an apparent headache. "Do I have to say it again?"
"Oh, because it's SUCH a hassle." Ashley replies sarcastically.
"I didn't ASK you..."
"Now, now. They didn't know another person would ask a similar question…don't get your panties in a bunch…"
"He doesn't wear any, remember?"
"...whoa. Deja-vu..."
"Are we almost done?"
"How should I know?" She grabs another card. "Raditz wonders: 'Do you think you go better with BBQ sauce or teriyaki? Because Saiyans such as myself require sustenance, and I wonder what black cats tastes like...'"
*blink*
"...excuse me?"
"I think she wants to eat you..."
*blink*
"...EXCUSE ME?"
"Damn Kuroneko, do I gotta say it again?"
"...what the HELL?!" He stands on all fours. "SOMEONE WANTS TO EAT ME?! THEY SAID AS LONG AS I DID MY JOB I WOULD NEVER BE HARMED!!!"
"...what was that?"
"Er..." he bristles again. "YOU HEARD NOTHING!"
"...okay."
Ashley opens her mouth to add to the conversation when a resounding boom...
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!*
...interrupts them.
"Holy shit! What was that?!"
"I dunno, listen!"
They stop talking and tilt their heads to the side.
"What is it!?" A heavy accent demands.
"It looks like one of them Pokie-man things!" Another responds.
*CH-CH*
"Let's kill it!"
*gunfire*
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" A white dude comes flying out of the house with MIB sunglasses on his face and an arsenal of weapons (which include but are not limited to: a triple barreled shotgun, a huge ax, grenades, a rocket launcher...*snicker*) strapped to his back.
He runs over to them, breathless. "Kuroneko!" *pant pant* "I have a question for you!"
"...yes?"
"Can...I...keep you?!"
"Ummm...no."
"DAMNATION!!" He takes sight of the small mob behind him and blunders on ahead. "I WON'T FORGET THIIISSS!!!"
O.O "...wow."
o.o;; "...yeah..."
Kuroneko plays with a blade of grass nonchalantly. "Happens all the time."
Megan shakes her head before reaching for another card. "Hmm? What's this?" She pulls one out, looking at it curiously. "Hn. Last one."
'Yesssss.'
*clears throat* "This one's from Kitsunedemon: 'Can I pet you Mr. Kittty-sama?? I wanna pet you and feel SPECIAL! I WANNA FEEL SPECIAL!'......"
She smiles slyly.
"...what? What's that look?"
"Can I PLEASE?!" Ashley begs from behind the animal.
*nod*
"YAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!" She whips out a rope, grinning psychotically. "Time for your close-up, KURONEKOOOO!!!"
"Eek! What the hell are you doing?!"
"Tying you up silly!" She proceeds to wrap the rope around him in a tight fit. "There we go!"
"WHORE!" He spats.
"Now now! We can't have talk like that!" She bundles him up in the towel she used earlier. "There we go!"
"MMMMFFF!!! MMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!"
"What was that? Speak up!"
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFF!!!!!!!!!!"
"Nope, sorry, can't make out what you're saying!"
Megan skips over with a pen and scribbles something on the towel. "All set!"
"MMMM?!"
"Now to put this package in the mail!"
"MMMMMMMMMMMF?!?!?!?!?!"
"Did you hear something Ashley?"
She looks thoughtful for an instant. "...NOPE!"
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!"
They run to the curb and hastily shove the "package" into the mailbox.
"Okay! He's on his way Kitsunedemon!"
"He should be there within the week...and then you can pet 'em all you want!"
They look at each other before going into another fit of laughter.
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!"
"See---HAHAHAHA----you next time---HAHAHA!!"
"Where we'll be interviewing--HAHAHAH---Monev the Gale---HAHHAHA---BARNEY!!"
"BARNEY?!?! AAAAAAHHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
They wave to the camera (poor Joe!) before rolling on the ground some more.
"BBBYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*THE END…no, not really…*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Well, that sure was interesting! -____-;; Kuroneko turned out to be a little prick!
(I still love him! ^^)
Yup! Monev the Gale's up next! Leave a review if ya wanna ask him something!
XD
LATER TURKEYS!!