Chapter 8 Truths Told and Believed
The next morning Dr. Martin rose early. She went downstairs and found that no one else was up yet so she had a nice quiet breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. When she was done she cleaned up her dishes then left a note for Giles to meet her in room 412. As she went upstairs she saw Giles coming down.
"Good morning Giles, I just had my breakfast so take your time. I'll be in 412 and I'll see you at 10 o'clock."
"Okay, uh I'll just, uh get something to eat and be right up." Giles said,
"Before you come up would you get the heart monitor reading from Buffy, thanks." Dr. Martin continued upstairs and Giles went to the kitchen and made a couple of soft boiled eggs and toast for his breakfast.
Buffy and Spike came down followed by Connor, Willow, Xander and Anya. Fred and Gunn came down next. Cordelia came down a few minutes later. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at her.
"How's Angel doing Cordelia?" Spike asked.
"He's doing a lot better. We talked this morning. He said that ever since we had sex the other night Angelus hasn't let up on torturing him. If it wasn't for Dr. Martin's tranquilizer he thinks he would have gone crazy permanently." They were all quiet for awhile.
Cordelia was at the counter preparing breakfast for herself and Angel. When Willow asked her "why is he putting himself through this?"
Cordelia stopped what she was doing and put her head down. "Because he loves me and he wants to make love to me and for us not to have to worry about Angelus coming back ever again. Dr. Martin has said that St. Michael has promised that if he makes all of the right choices that he will have his soul permanently before she leaves. If that means going through hell then that's what he'll do."
Cordelia started crying and Buffy went to her. She was sitting on a chair at the table by then. Buffy went and put her arm around Cordelia's shoulder.
"It's amazing what our Vampires will go through for love of us." When Buffy said this she was looking at Spike. For the first time he saw love in her eyes for him. After a few minutes Cordelia was able to get her crying under control and took their breakfast upstairs. Buffy went to Spike and put her arms around his neck. She kissed him and hugged him for awhile. Spike buried his face in her hair so no one would see the tears coming out of his eyes. Finally Buffy really did love him. It wasn't just something she said to make him happy. The look in her eyes when she said it told him that she really meant it.
Buffy finally let Spike go and turned around. She saw everyone standing there staring at them. Willow and Anya were crying on Xander's shoulder. Fred was crying and Gunn had his arm around her. Even Giles eyes were misting. He hid it by taking his glasses off and cleaning them.
To lighten the mood Spike swatted Buffy on the behind and said "if your going to outdo Cordelia you better get busy and get my breakfast woman." Spike heard Xander in the background saying "OOOHHH it's a good thing your dead already because I think she would kill you if you weren't."
Buffy turned around slowly. "I'll let this go just .....this....one...time."
Spike thought of what Angel had told him he did the other morning when Cordy got mad about him bringing the sheets and towels down for her to wash. He did his best to virtually ooze sex in his movements, voice and look. Spike picked up both of Buffy's hands and started kissing them. Then slowly he placed a trail of kisses up her arm.
"I think this is where I should leave." Giles said quietly.
Buffy didn't even look at Giles when she said "yes I think that would be a good idea." She didn't take her eyes off of Spike even once.
Spike continued to travel up her arm with kisses. When he got to her neck he kissed it then licked it. He then laid a path to her lips and very softly kissed them. Drawing back a little he whispered in her ear, "tonight I'll show you why some women would sell their soul to have one more night with a Vampire." He had her bent backwards over the table and Buffys eyes were glazed over and it took her a moment to get herself under control again.
"One warm mug of blood coming up."
Giles went up to 412 and knocked on the door. "Come in Giles." Dr. Martin answered. Giles opened the door and looked around the room. He was surprised at how spacious it was. Dr. Martin was standing by her chair by the French Doors that opened up to the balcony. She had the 2 comfortable chairs pointing towards the windows with a table between them and an extra table to her left for a notepad and tape recorder.
"Please sit down, make yourself comfortable." Dr. Martin pointed to the chair next to her. Giles took off his jacket and put it over the back of the chair and sat down. He had brought a cup of hot tea with him and proceeded to drink it while he leaned back in the chair.
"I hope you don't mind having the windows open. I seldom have the opportunity to see the outdoors and especially the mountains. I've had sessions with Angel and Cordelia up here but of course the windows and drapes have to be closed." She paused for a while to see if he would say anything.
"You must have some questions for me Giles. Feel free to ask." "Why did you ask all of us to come?" He asked as he took his glasses off to clean them.
"I've read all of your reports in the Watchers Chronicles. I am aware of Buffy's problems. I know who and what she is. I also know of her former relationship with Angel and of her inability to have a sustained relationship with any man. I am aware of her relationship with Spike and her inability to except him for who and what he is. Although she loved Angel she could not except him for who and what he is. In the short time left that I have here I hope to help Buffy enough so that she can get beyond this problem."
"What about Willow and Xander." He asked.
"I know that Willow practices witchcraft. I know of her relationship with both men and women. As for Xander I know next to nothing. You hardly ever mentioned him in your reports. I know that he has a close relationship with Buffy and Willow and that's all."
"Why me?" he asked.
"Because your Buffy's father figure. You're the leader that takes care of and guides them. They all look up to you. I would compare your little group to a small heard of elephants or a pride of lions except the sexes are reversed. In a pride of lions the males do all of the fighting of other lions that want to venture into his territory. But the females are the real leaders and protectors and provider for the family. With your pride Giles Buffy is the one that fights anyone that tries to take over her territory but you are the real leader of the pride."
"Now let me ask you a question. Why does everyone seem to not like Spike and what is Willows and Xanders relationship with Angel and Cordelia?"
"Spike can be a very annoying fellow. He'll do anything for Buffy. Even though Buffy is very abusive towards him sometimes he still comes back for more. Spike loves Buffy so much that he went to South Africa and went through hell. No matter how many times Buffy beats him he still comes back. Spike can just be very annoying. He just bugs the hell out of everyone. But in some ways he's more mentally balanced then Angel though. Where as Angel is the opposite of his demon Spike excepts his demon better. It may have something to do with the curse that was placed on Angel that causes him so much suffering. When Angel became Angelus he did terrible things. He tortured me for several hours and he killed a close friend of mine." Giles was quiet for awhile.
"That was a teacher at Sunnydale High School wasn't it? I believe her name was Jenny Calender?" Dr. Martin asked in a quiet sympathetic voice. This encouraged Giles to continue.
"Yes Miss Calender was a computer science teacher. The hardest thing for me to take though I think is that it really wasn't Angel that killed Miss. Calender. Which means that I can't do anything to him in revenge because it's like dealing with another person that looks exactly like Angelus." Giles was quiet once again. Dr. Martin saw the tears coming down his cheeks.
"In working with Angel I have discovered and told him that every time Angelus killed someone he would let Angel watch. Not all the time but most of the time he would let him watch the torturing. Now that Angels soul is in his body he has control of it. Twice now when I have had to tranquilize him Angelus has come thru to talk to us. He can't make Angel's body move but he can talk. What Angelus does for fun now is torture just Angel and he does it all the hours that he is awake. Fortunately he can't make his voice heard when Angel is in a deep, deep sleep and that's why I make him sleep so much. Angel has to deal with a lot of things right now and it's important that he gets as much rest as possible."
"What happened last night?" Giles asked.
"Angel was tired from the previous nights activity with Cordelia."
"What were they doing that he was so exhausted." Giles asked.
"Angel was having to control several things at the same time. Making love to Cordelia, keeping Angelus at bay and giving me a sample of his semen. I would say that, that qualifies as a very exhausting evening." "Didn't you guys think of the danger of Angel losing control and Angelus taking over?" Giles was positively livid. His face was turning red with anger.
"Giles, please calm down. You'll give yourself a heart attack. Angel and Cordelia have been together for quiet some time now. They take certain measures to make sure that Angel doesn't lose control and go to far. I think that you would agree that no man could ever have perfect happiness when he has to think of filling that little cup." "What do you mean they have taken certain measure to prevent Angelus from taking over?"
"Well they both said that when they are having sex Angel has learned to let Cordelia control what they are doing." Dr. Martin could barely keep from laughing. "Uh Cordelia keeps a small child's bat under the bed. If Angel loses control she hits him with it." She couldn't keep from laughing any longer. Giles joined in. This time when he took his glasses off it was to wipe his tears away because he had been laughing so hard.
"Well I guess when you think about all of that it's was a wonder that he didn't need the whole day to rest." Giles was in a lighter mood now which was good because he was starting to get depressed thinking about Jenny again.
"Tell me Giles why you think Buffy has a hard time having a lasting relationship? As I read through your reports I thought for sure Riley would be the one she would finally marry." Dr. Martin wanted to change the focus of their discussion back onto Buffy.
"I'm not sure really. Her attitude towards Riley seemed to change completely when she found out he was visiting the Vampire brothel on a regular basis. He wasn't having sex with them he was just letting them take his blood. He stopped going after Buffy confronted him, but it was already to late. Their relationship went down hill. When Riley was offered a chance to rejoin the special military unit that he was formerly attached to he gave Buffy a chance to reconcile with him or else he was going back to his old unit. They were leaving for South America within a few nights. Buffy didn't realize what she had until it was to late. She tried to tell him but it was to late. His helicopter had just taken off."
"Do you think it's because she has set high moral standards for others and herself and Riley failed those standards?" Dr. Martin asked.
"For Riley, yes. But that wouldn't account for why she is attracted to Spike and was attracted to Angel."
Dr. Martin was quiet for awhile. She stood up and poured herself some more coffee and walked around with it for awhile. Giles could tell she was thinking. He was thinking she did the same thing he did when he was trying to reason things out. Dr. Martin put the coffee down and put both hands in her pocket as she was walking around. She finally sat down and looked at Giles.
"Okay here is what I think is happening. Buffy has an attraction to Angel and Spike because it's more or less the same as an office romance. She was attracted to Angel at first because of his obvious good looks. As she came to know him it was his high moral standards that he sets for himself that kept her with him because they are like her own. As for Spike, well I think she is attracted to Spike because he is more like her then she cares to admit. Spike and Angel represent everything to her that you have taught her is wrong and that she must fight against. In reality they represent her mortal enemies. She doesn't like to see them drink blood because this is a reminder to her of what they are. These thoughts are always reinforced by you when you remind her that she is the slayer and it is her duty in life to fight against demons and Vampires. Willow and Xander reinforce this. Xanders jealousy of Angel and Spike comes across as hatred for what they are. When in reality he wishes he could be in their shoes as far as Buffy having a physical relationship with them. I am sorry to say this Giles but you are the reason why Buffy has a problem with her relationships."
"Me, why me?" Giles said. He was shocked that the Doctor blamed him for Buffy's problems.
"It's your fault because of the way you have instructed her in her duties to all mankind. You remind her constantly that she is in this world to fight all evil and all that represents evil. Every time she wants to have an even remotely normal life you remind her again. You more or less beat it into her head. I understand that this is how you were taught to train all Slayers. If Buffy was a soldier it would be ok because that is how they train soldiers. But in this case the slayers are started at an early age when they have enough to deal with just growing up. These things would be hard on any Slayer but for Buffy it is even harder because of the men that she falls in love with and her friendship with Willow and Xander. In the short time that I am here I will try to help Buffy as much as I can but you and the others will have to change the way you think about all of this. You have to let up on Buffy. She now knows who she is and what her duties are she doesn't have to be reminded of it constantly. Give her some space Giles. Please don't misunderstand what I am saying. She still needs you. You are still like a father to her and she loves you like a father. Now if you would send up Wesley and Angel when you go downstairs I would appreciate it." Giles took her last words as a dismissal and left to go downstairs.
When Giles arrived in the lobby he saw Angel, Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and Fred at the dinning room table. "Good morning all." Cordelia put her best million dollar smile on and said "Good morning Giles. Did we have a nice talk with Dr. Martin?" Giles sat down heavily onto one of the chairs at the table. He looked and felt exhausted. Giles looked at Angel.
"Why is it that you can go through hell the previous night, get up the next day and look refreshed and well rested? While I am with Dr. Martin just one hour and I feel like I've been through the meat grinder. I hate you Angel." Giles was leaning back in the chair after he said that. He felt like going back to bed and pulling the covers over his head.
Angel was just smiling. "One of the few good things about being a Vampire Giles."
"That and one other glorious gift." Cordelia smiled at Angel and gave him a kiss.
"I wouldn't laugh too much Angel and Wesley. She wants to see you both up there now." Giles said with a big grin on his face. Wesley and Angel stood up and started for the stairs. Just as they got to the stairs Wesley said "I think I better go and check on an important book I ordered." Wesley started for the front door when he felt Angel grab him by the collar.
"Don't worry Wesley. If you go without a fuss I'll tell you what I did to Cordy that has made her so happy for the last two days."
Wesley couldn't help but laugh. "Okay Dad, your finally going to have the Birds and the Bees talk with me?"
"Yah, but with the gifts of a Vampire." Angel said. Now that really got Wesley's attention. "Okay Dad I am all ears."
"Well you see son a Vampire is able to. Oh, to bad, where here at the door to Dr. Martins office. Conversation delayed. I'll issue you a rain check though."
Dr. Martin heard them talking and laughing at the door. She had been trying to catch up on her prayers while waiting for them. Whenever she could she would pray the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. Ever since she had started working with Angel she had offered the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for him and she would do this to the end of her days. The Chaplet had been given by Christ to a young nun in Poland. He had said that the Chaplet was a powerful prayer that would save souls. He had also told her that no matter how terrible a persons sins were if they turned to him and asked for his forgiveness and mercy it would be given. Dr. Martin wanted that for Angel. She was going to talk to him about God and forgiveness today. When Angel knocked at the door she put her prayer book and Rosary out in plain sight on the table to her left. Angel would be able to see it but not touch it. Usually she would put them away in her medical bag that she always brought with her. She wanted to see how he would react to her talking about Christ. How he reacted and the choice that he made when confronted with Christ's love would be the most important decision that he would make and would determine whether he would find redemption or not.
"Come in Angel and Wesley."
"Good morning." Dr. Martin was standing and pointing to the chairs that she wanted them to take. "Angel would you please sit over here and next to me. Wesley you can take the other chair next to Angel. Would you like something to drink? Coffee or tea?"
"Yes I would like some hot tea." Wesley said. "And what about you Angel have you had your breakfast?" she asked. "Yes I did earlier but if there is any blood in the refrigerator I would like some of Cordelia's recipe." Angel started to get up to make it.
"No, no I'll do it. Cordelia showed me how. Cinnamon in the morning and hot sauce at night. Have you noticed any difference in your evening drink?" Dr. Martin was making small talk to put them at ease. It wasn't as bad for Angel since he had already been in a number of sessions with her but it was the first time for Wesley.
"Yes I did taste something different but I was afraid to ask."
"It's Worcestershire Sauce. I suggested it to Cordelia last night. How do you like it?"
"It's different and I think I like it." Angel said.
As they were talking Dr. Martin was warming up a mug of blood for Angel and hot tea for Wesley. When she stirred in the cinnamon into the blood she also added a small amount of Holy Water in it then put it back in the microwave for 30 seconds more. She brought the drinks over to the men and sat down to have some of her own coffee.
"Tell me what happened last night Angel." Dr. Martin asked in a low tone.
"Angelus got the better of me." Angel lost his smile when he answered her. He leaned forward with his elbows on his long legs and hung his head down.
"What was he saying?" She asked.
"The usual. He reminded me of how I had killed my family. Especially my little sister. How I tortured Drusilla's family until she went crazy. That's always his favorite."
"Why are you saying I instead of him?"
"I don't know, when I have a chance to think on what you tell me Im okay. But yesterday with all of the Sunnydale gang coming in I didn't have time. I guess what I really need is the time to brood as everyone calls it. "
"Well I prefer to call it meditation." Dr. Martin said. "I do it all of the time. I try to get at least 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night. It helps me to control my thoughts and emotions through out the day. It's also a time to have a conversation with Christ." She waited to see his reaction. When he said nothing she continued.
"Have you ever thought of your relationship with Christ Angel?" Angel was quiet for a long time before he spoke.
"God would not bother to give me the time of day let alone talk to me. Vampire remember. Demon and all the baggage that comes along with it." Angel was getting rather loud while answering the Doctors question. At first her body started to pump adrenalin into her blood but she quickly got control. She knew Angel could smell fear.
"Yes, and your point is?" she calmly said.
"Dr. Martin I can't touch anything that is even associated with God. If you even threw Holy Water on me I would be burned in the same way that acid would affect you. If I touch a cross it burns me. How could you know so much about me and not know these things." He drank some of his blood to calm himself down.
"Have you ever tried talking to God and asking for his help?" Dr. Martin said after she took the time to make sure she could speak in a normal tone.
Angel was quiet for such a long time that she thought he wouldn't answer her.
"How could God ever forgive me for the things I've done?"
"Let me tell you about a young nun called Sr. Faustina and her long conversations with Christ." Dr. Martin proceeded to tell them about Christ's Divine Mercy and his promises to Sr. Faustina. When she was done she waited for Angels reaction. She watched his face for a sign of where his thinking was heading. Five minutes passed before Angel said anything.
"Do you believe this is possible Wesley?" Angel had asked this without looking at him.
"Yes I do Angel. I've often thought about this. Especially when I took Connor from you. I was deeply sorry for what I had done. I truly believed though that I was doing the right thing. I didn't think you would survive what you were prophesied to do. I loved you enough to take Connor and endure your anger and hatred and the loss of my friends and home just to save you from that terrible guilt and loss. Even after all that I did to you when I said I was sorry and begged you for your forgiveness you forgave me. If a Vampire with a soul can forgive me after all that I did how is it that we have a hard time believing that Christ is waiting to forgive and show us his Divine Mercy." When Wesley finished he was on one knee on the floor in front of Angel.
"Angel don't forget these words 'God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son'. He loves you enough that he sent me to help you and hopefully help you to return to Him." Dr. Martin said.
"How can this happen Dr. Martin when I can't even enter a Church or touch anything that has been blessed without getting burned?"
"It's not you that is afraid of God or Holy Water or Church or crosses. It's Angelus that is burned. It's Angelus that can't stand to be in Churches. He is the one that's afraid. Angelus is a demon. Angel Liam Martin is a man."
Angel looked at Dr. Martin. "How do you know my last name? After over 250 years I had forgotten what it was until you said it."
"Remember when I told you Angel that I researched everything I could find about you and everyone around you extensively. I contacted the Catholic Church in your village where you were born. I also researched what passed for the local newspaper that reported the death of your family. I put 2 and 2 together and came up with the name of Martin. I also researched my fathers family. Angel I believe we are cousins. Your father had a brother. He was my ancestor."
"Really, you mean I have family here in America. Wait till I tell Cordelia. I'll be able to give her a last name." Angel looked at Wesley and said "I asked Cordelia to marry me Wesley and she said yes. Now I'll have a last name to give her and our children."
"Congratulations. We all knew way before you and Cordelia would admit it that you belonged together. I really am very happy for you."
"Okay Angel lets get back to the question at hand. Do you believe that it is Angelus that is afraid of Christ, His Church, Holy Water and crosses. Do you believe that Christ is waiting for you to come to him and ask for forgiveness?" Dr. Martin asked.
"I believe there is a God and that his son is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but I do not believe that he would forgive me for what I have done." Dr. Martin looked frustrated.
"Why Angel, why is it so hard for you to believe that he could possibly forgive you. What would it take for you to believe that there is even a remote chance that He could forgive you? Look at all that Connor has done to you. Look at what Wesley did. Your forgave them for everything. Not because you think you deserve to suffer or that you have no right to accuse or be angry with them because of what you have done in the past. You forgive them because you love them. Isn't that the truth Angel?"
Angel was quiet for awhile as he searched his soul for the truth.
"Yes it's true." he said.
Dr. Martin got on her knees in front of Angel and held his hands in hers. "If you are capable of forgiving and you don't think your better then Christ then why can't you except the possibility of his capacity to forgive you?"
Angel didn't say anything he just leaned back in his chair. He ran his hand over his face as if to clear his mind so that he could concentrate or think better on what Dr. Martin was saying.
"Help me out Wesley. She's got me cornered here and I can't think of a good enough answer."
"Only you can answer this Angel. You're the one that's resisting Christ's offer." Wesley said.
"I don't know. I want to believe. I think I need more proof. Please try to understand where I'm coming from on this. Just when I'm taking a chance with life giving me a break I have to take the biggest chance of my entire existence. I don't want to make a mistake and find myself blowing away with the wind."
Dr. Martin got up from the floor where she had been kneeling in front of Angel. She started to walk around the room with her hands in her pockets and playing with the Rosary. She then walked out into the hallway and called to Wesley to join her.
"Buffy is real strong right?" Dr. Martin asked Wesley.
"Yes, but I think we should have Gunn as well."
"Okay then well come downstairs. Set up everyone so that the strongest is around Angel. Tell Spike not to get near Angel. I don't know enough about Spike to know how he'll react to what he is going to see. Tell Cordelia to come up her please. Is fifteen minutes okay before we come down?"
"Yes I think that will be enough time." Wesley said then went downstairs.
Dr. Martin went back in to the room. Angel was walking back and forth. He stopped when she came back in.
"What's going on?" he asked Dr. Martin.
"Im going to give you what you want Angel." Dr. Martin said.
Cordelia knocked at the door. "Come in Cordelia." Dr. Martin answered.
"Wesley said you wanted me."
"Yes." Then Dr. Martin looked at Angel. "Several times I've used Cordelia to get you to focus in on what you were aiming for. When I was talking to Wesley I was trying to think of the strongest people downstairs that would be able to hold you down if it was needed. But then I thought of the strongest bonds that I could possibly use on you and how long it would take to get them here. Then I remembered something that happened at the hospital several years ago. We had a very large and strong man that was brought in by his friends after he stepped on a piece of wood that had a large rusty and dirty nail in it. When he stepped on the nail it went right through his work boots and into his foot. This man must have weighed around 300 pounds. Even though his friends were just as big and strong it was taking all of his friends to hold him down. This guy was doing everything he could to get away. I mean he was absolutely terrified of the shot. Just as I thought I was going to have to borrow the local game warden's dart gun to tranquilize this guy I noticed him making googoo eyes at this young woman that was a student nurse. So I told everyone to let their friend go and I told the young woman to hold his arm. He almost fainted but he held himself still while I gave him the shot. One year later those two got married."
"Do you understand what I am getting at here Angel? Do you understand what the strongest bonds for any man is?"
"Yes I understand. There are no bonds stronger then the chains of love that binds a man to a woman."
"Yes exactly." Dr. Martin looked at her watch. "Okay Angel it's time to go downstairs. Take your usual chair downstairs for a session and Cordelia sit across from him in my chair. I'll be down in a few minutes."
Dr. Martin went to her room to get a tranquilizer and more Holy Water. She also changed into her habit. She already had the skirt on so it only took her a few minutes to put the top part on and her veil. Before leaving her room she called downstairs and talked to Lorne who was of course by the lobby counter. She told Lorne to turn all but one light off. It was dark outside already so their was no light coming through the windows. Dr. Martin then went downstairs. She took the stairs that came out by the back doors and also led to the dining room. She opened and closed the doors as quietly as she could. By the one light she told Lorne to leave on she quietly made her way behind Angel. Everyone was quiet and she kept her voice low when she spoke.
"Angel I want you to close your eyes and do not turn around. Concentrate on my voice and only my voice." Dr. Martin stopped to put some Holy Water on her hands. She made the sign of the cross and said a short prayer and asked God to help her say and do the right thing. She made the sign of the cross again and then proceeded to give Angel his proof. "Don't be alarmed Angel I am just going to place my hands on your neck and massage it. I noticed while we were upstairs that you were very tense." She did exactly as she had told him.
"I want you to think of happy thoughts. Remember when you first held Connor in your arms. Remember the first time you realized that he was your son and he was a real human baby that had a soul."
"Yes, he was soft and warm. I could smell the new born blood going through his veins. I could hear his little heart beating regularly. I wrapped him up in my jacket and we came back to the hotel. Cordelia showed me how to bath him. We already had bought baby clothes and everything it takes to take care of a baby. When she was done bathing him she put baby oil on him and baby powder then put his first diapers on and put his little pajamas on then wrapped him up in a receiving blanket then another little blanket. She told me to sit in the rocking chair and then showed me how to feed him. I don't think that I have ever been so happy or contented as I was then."
"Did you have any concerns that Angelus would come through since you were so happy?" "No, Angelus was the furthest thing from my mind. Besides he always hates it when I do anything gooshi like that."
"What do you mean gooshi?" Dr. Martin asked.
"You know, like when I saved a little dog from getting run over. He hated it. He gets so disgusted that he takes off and leaves me alone for at least a week afterward." Angel was laughing at the thought. Everyone else was laughing also.
"What happened to you Angel when Buffy had to send you to the other dimension that you called hell. From what I understand you came back acting like a crazed animal?" Dr. Martin asked as she removed her hands from his neck and started walking back and forth behind him. Angel started to turn around and looking for Buffy.
"Don't turn around Angel, please, at least not yet." Dr. Martin told him. "Please trust me on this if you have to look at any one then focus on Cordelia only?"
Angel looked at Cordelia and then closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair.
"Hell is the only way I can describe it. Their were demons everywhere. Their was more going on then my mind could handle. I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't handle it. I was already starting to act more like an animal then I cared to. During a moment of lucidity I let Angelus take over. I don't remember to much after that. The next time that I was aware of what was going on I was falling through the air and landed on the floor of the mansion in Sunnydale. If it hadn't been for Buffy I think I would still be their chained to the wall like the crazy animal I was."
"So you can let Angelus come out and take over when you want to." Dr. Martin asked.
"Yes and no. I think I was able to do that only because I was under extreme duress. I don't know how I was able to contain Angelus again but I do know he was contained behind a steel door again."
"I know how and why Angel and I have already told you who watches over you. Your Guardian angel St. Michael the Archangel brought you back. He also contained Angelus behind that door again. Your insanity was from when you were last in control. It just took a while for you to reset yourself into a more normal environment. Once again Angel here is proof to you that there is no ' I ' when you can't remember what went on when Angelus was in control. Whenever Angelus starts to accuse you of different acts all you have to do is try to remember what your surroundings looked like and if you can't remember then you know that it was Angelus and not you."
"I'm sorry Dr. Martin, I know what your saying is true, but if you had someone constantly accusing you of things you would start to believe them also."
"I understand Angel. What is happening to you is the same thing that happens to a man or woman that is with an abusive spouse. After awhile they start to think that they don't deserve any better life because they start to believe what their spouse says about them is true."
Dr. Martin turned and looked at Angel. Something was different about the sound of his voice. She was hoping that he wasn't doing what she thought he was.
"Angel." she said his name softly. The others could barely hear her.
"Yes." "Angel are you putting yourself into a trance?"Dr. Martin asked.
"Yes."
"Why?" she asked.
"Angelus wants me to leave. He senses something dangerous is very near."
"Dangerous to you or him?"
"I don't know but he's scared."
"Can you let me talk to Angelus?"
"Only if you put me to sleep."
"Okay that's what I am going to do then. It just so happens that I have my handy dandy little tranquilizer with me."
"I thought you would."
"I want you to come out of the trance now. I don't know what will happen if I give you the tranquilizer on top of the trance."
"Give me a few minutes before you give it to me."
Everyone was quiet and watching Angel. He put his head back against the chair. After a few minutes he sat up straight.
"Are you ready to go back to sleep now?" Dr. Martin asked. "Yes, go ahead."
"Spike, I believe you know how to do this." Dr. Martin held out the syringe for Spike. He hesitated to come near her.
"Put it on the counter and I'll take it from there." Spike said. Dr. Martin did as she was told.
Spike picked up the syringe. "Roll up your sleeve Sire and I'll send you to LaLa land." Angel did as Spike asked. Spike administered the tranquilizer and the effect was almost instantaneous.
"Hey, Uncle Connor, come and help me put him on the couch."
Connor came over and grabbed his fathers legs while Spike took his shoulders. Spike started laughing so hard when he saw the look on Connors face that he almost dropped Angel. After they put Angel on the couch Connor asked Spike "why did you call me Uncle Connor?"
"When a Vampire turns a human into a Vampire they say he sired a Vampire. Angelus sired Drusilla and Drusilla sired me. Then that new Vampire is known as their childe. So in a way Drusilla is your sister which makes you my Uncle."
"Laugh it up Boy. You used to be Angels favorite but now that he's got Connor you'll be playing 2nd fiddle." Angelus was now talking. Dr. Martin found it interesting that Buffy, Connor and everyone else except Cordelia and Spike, had stood up and was mentally ready to jump into action if needed.
"Angelus how you doing?" Spike could always recognize it when Angelus was in control.
"Bored stiff. Angel never does anything fun. I have to entertain myself now with just torturing him now."
"Yeah well that's the way it is when you have a soul. Fortunately for me my guy isn't a bad ass like you. He's mellowed to I guess. Maybe he's in love with Buffy too. Well this is probably going to be the last time I ever get to talk to you Angelus so I am going to say what I've always wanted to. I've always hated you Angelus. I hated you because of all the times you beat my ass good just because you or Darla were bored. As soon as I could get Dru to leave her Daddy I left. I couldn't talk her into it though until I got lucky and Angel got his soul back. Then Daddy wasn't fun anymore and Mummy was always mad. Well now I am going to do what I've always wanted to do."
Spike put his game face on and started beating Angelus. Connor, Gunn and Wesley pulled him off and Cordelia ran to Angelus. She checked him over and wiped the blood from his face. His nose was bleeding but it stopped within seconds and Cordelia wiped it away.
"If it wasn't for the fact that this is Angels body I would of told them to let Spike kill you." Cordelia said as she cleaned his face of blood. She then stood and walked away and Angelus called her.
"Cordelia." She turned and went back to him. "You've never had sex with a demon before. The style is a lot different. Were bigger and better. It's why Darla wanted me to get rid of Angel so bad. She wanted her Angelus back. Once you had me you would never want Angel again."
"Well here is one thing I could try out right now in front of everyone."
Cordelia kissed Angelus as passionately as she could. She did it in the same way that Angel kissed her. Angelus couldn't move but she could tell he was getting into the moment. He kissed her like he was starving and wouldn't get it ever again. Cordelia slowly lowered her hand down his chest and down to his crotch and rubbed her hand across it. She pulled back and looked at him. She was being as cool as she could and never let a thought go across her mind or face that would give Angelus an idea of what she was thinking.
Dr. Martin was watching what was going on between Angelus and Cordelia. She could tell everything she was doing was being carefully thought of. She looked around the room. The men were all getting aroused. She could tell by the way they were squirming. Shifting from one leg to the other. While the women didn't give a hint as to what they were thinking. She returned her attention back to Cordelia and Angelus.
"Well Angelus, now I know what Darla told me was true." Cordelia said.
"And what was that? I know I was the best she ever had. After all we stayed together for more than one hundred years." Angelus said with a wicked grin on his face. It was evident that Angelus liked having an audience.
"Yeah she thought that alright. But you were not the best. She said, and I quote, 'It must be something to do with having a soul because when I climaxed I saw stars. When he was Angelus he had never been able to do that for me. Angel was just as good the third time as he was the first. Now I know what she was talking about. Angel is a master at making love. You will never be anything but an apprentice." Cordelia stood up slowly dragging her hand slowly across Angelus.
"One more thing Angelus. There is an old wives tale that says a man isn't a real man until he can produce sons. Angel only had to have sex with Darla once and she gave him a son. Goodby Angelus."
Angelus only had one thing to say after Cordelia's brand of torture.
"As soon as I can get Angel to lose his soul you're the first one I'm coming after Cordelia. The twins will be the first ones to go. It's not a threat just a fact."
Dr. Martin waited to see if anyone else wanted to have a discussion with Angelus. When no one stepped forward she decided to continue with Angels session. She stepped forward into the light. "Hello Angelus remember me?"
Angelus had a look of terror on his face. Dr. Martin didn't know it but St. Michael stood behind her.
"What's wrong Angelus? Do you see someone by me? It must be St. Michael. I asked him to help me. After all he is Angels guardian isn't he."
Dr. Martin sat on a chair she had brought with her to the couch.
"Do you know who I am?"
"Your Sr. Mary Teres Martin of the Sisters of Redemption. You're a medical doctor, psychiatrist and a surgeon." Angelus said all of this without ever once taking his eyes off of St. Michael.
"Yes that is all correct. Now I want you to look at me and only me. Never again are you to tell Angel that God does not love him. Never again are you to say anything about Jesus love and forgiveness and his Divine Mercy that he is waiting to give Angel. I am leading Angel down a path that will give him his final redemption. But Angel must ask this of Christ. All humans must do this on their own."
Dr. Martin took off her ring that she had received when she made her final vows. She took Angelus's hand in hers. Angelus screamed out in pain.
"Your in pain because I have Holy Water on my hands. Every time I have touched Angel it has been their. I am going to place my ring in the palm of Angels right hand. It will leave a mark that will never disappear and he will be reminded that you are the one that fears all that is holy."
She placed the ring in the palm of his right hand. Angelus once again screamed out in pain. The ring felt like it had just been taken out of the fire. Dr. Martin removed the ring. In the palm of his hand their was now a small red circle.
"This mark will never disappear. It will never heal completely. Even if the skin should be torn from his hand it will reappear on the new skin. Each time he feels it he will be remingded that he is Angel Liam Martin a man and that you are Angelus a demon. From now on you will exist only to give Angel the powers that he currently has. You will cease to torment him about his family, both past and future. If you should fail to follow these rules and cross the line St. Michael will be paying you a visit."
"Can I ask just one question?" Angelus asked.
"Just one." Dr. Martin answered.
"Why have you given so much to him? After all he is only a man."
All of us ask what is our purpose in this world? Why am I here? Angels purpose is to help the hopeless. I am here to help him cope with all of the extra baggage that he has accumulated over the years so that he can help people. You have caused him to suffer greatly but even you are being used by God to mold this man into what and who he is today. I go where God sends me, I am his servant just as Angel is. I am here to help him because I was sent by St. Michael. Now I've answered your question and will give you some information for free. I know you hate it when Angel gets all wishy washy and does something really sweet. When Cordelia puts his first daughter in his arms your really going to be disgusted. When he starts making dumb googly eyes at her and dresses her up like a little doll you might as well take a vacation because he is going to make you positively sick. Whenever Cordelia gives him a child I want you to leave him alone for at least 3 months. Let him enjoy his gift from God. Good by Angelus." She ran her hand down over Angels eyes and Angelus was gone and back in his cage inside of Angel.
"Turn all of the lights back on Lorne please." When the lights were back on she looked for Wesley and Cordelia. She found Wesley but not Cordelia. She walked over to him and said "Wesley I need a stiff drink do you have any in the Hotel?"
"Yes, Angel keeps a bottle in his office." They went into Angels office and found Cordelia already sitting at Angels desk having a drink. Dr. Martin took a seat on the couch while Wesley took out 2 more glasses and filled them each. When he turned around he saw that Dr. Martin had removed her veil and let down her long hair. He handed her a glass. He noticed her hand was shaking and that she had also closed the door. He picked up his own glass and closed the blinds before he sat down in front of the desk.
Dr. Martin looked at her hands and saw them shaking. She took a long drink of the Jack Daniels Whiskey and closed her eyes for a few minutes while the liquor did it's work and stopped her hands from shaking.
"I hate having to talk to that guy. He scares the shit out of me." Sr. Mary Tares Martin said.
Wesley and Cordelia looked at each other with a surprised look on their faces and cracked up laughing.
Dr. Martin smiled at them. "Never heard a Sister talk like that have you?" She joined in on the laughing. "Laughter is the best medicine they say."
"What do we call you now? Sr. Mary or Dr. Martin." Cordelia asked.
"Dr. Martin will be fine. For some strange reason any reminder of God makes people nervous. People see us as a direct connection to Him and are reminded of all that they know is wrong but they do anyway."
Wesley leaned forward and had a more serious look now.
"Dr. Martin why did you want me up stairs with Angel and you this morning?"
"Angel trusts you implicitly. He trusts you and knows that you will tell him the truth when he asks you a question."
"But how did you know he would ask me the questions he asked.?"
"Because I know Angel. Even though he is a Vampire he is still a man. We psychiatrist know pretty much what people will do because certain personality types will almost always make the same choices. Of course there are always the variables that have a certain amount of influence. Angel has that Vampire problem and 250 plus years of existence."
"I am concerned about his emotional state Dr. Martin. His emotions always seem to be at the surface. I'm concerned that if he should come into a situation where one of us is in danger will he be able to make the right decision?" Wesley asked.
"I have worked with five men so far that are in command positions. Each did the same as Angel is doing now. Each one had problems that they needed to learn to deal with in order for them to continue on with in their positions. Each one is doing just fine today. If men would learn that it's okay to cry they wouldn't have the problems that they have." Just as Dr. Martin finished talking Angel walked through the door.
"Do you mind if I join you?" he asked.
"Yes come in and have a seat." Dr. Martin patted the couch next to her as she answered him.
"Give me a little time to get used to the idea please. I think I'll sit over here by Wesley. Their should be at least one more glass in there Cordy. Could you pour me some of that Jack Daniels also. In fact fill it to the top please."
Cordelia did as he asked and Angel drank half of the glass all at once.
Dr. Martin moved over on the couch so that she would be closer to Angel. "Let me see your hand Angel." Dr. Martin held her hand out.
Angel looked at his right hand and held it out. He didn't know if it was the whiskey or if it was because he was scared, but he was sweating. She carefully and slowly reached out for his hand. Angel was shaking.
"Angel I've touched you many times before. When I massaged your neck out there I had Holy Water on my hands and nothing happened. I've even given it to you in your glasses of blood and nothing happened. I am asking you to trust me when I say that nothing will happen."
Angel stretched out his hand and Dr. Martin took it and closed her hands around his.
"Do you remember what the circle in your hand is for Angel." He didn't answer her. He was intoxicated with the thought that she could touch him and it didn't burn.
"What did you say?" He asked.
"I asked do you remember what this is for?" she pointed to the circle on the palm of his hand.
He looked at his hand. "Yes, it is to remind me that Angelus and I are not one in the same."
"And what else do you remember about the mark.?" She asked.
"It will never go away?"
"Yes that's right. Angel what are you doing?" Angel was putting his hands all over her. He was mesmerized by the fact he could touch her. He could even touch her crucifix.
Dr. Martin put her hand over his as he put his hand over the crucifix. He pulled his hand away and looked at his palm. He just looked at it and smiled and then hugged Dr. Martin and said "thank you, thank you, thank you. I finally have a sign that I can except."
Angel looked at Wesley and showed him his hands. "Look Wesley no burn marks. I can touch anything that belongs to Christ."
Wesley just smiled at him. Angel then looked at Cordelia. He raised up his hands like a little boy showing his hands to his mother to prove he washed them. Angel stood up and walked over to Cordelia. She stood up and threw her arms around Angel. They were both so happy they were crying. Dr. Martin and Wesley looked at each other and both stood up to leave. Wesley waited while Dr. Martin put her hair back up and replaced her veil. They then left the office and Wesley closed the door behind them.
TBC ...........................................