Readers--Short a/n today, just thanking everyone who read the last chapter. Encouraging reviews for this chapter, and warning that it's pretty angsty. Chapter 5 will get more into the funny ha-ha stuff. Enjoy!
Whyndancer Sez:
Okies! I got chapter 4 edited and chapter five is almost finished. And boy is it a doozy. Sorry for the wait.
Chapter 4: High School Blues
"I'm holding on waiting for your call,
It's simple but I can't explain this,
I'm sinking down I feel like I could die
I'm falling off I don't know why"
After the training session was over, Kagome had gone up to her room and had a lengthy conversation with her brothers about her first day of school. They were eager to listen, and she was eager to tell. Kagome, Souta, and Shippou were close enough to share everything with one another, including Kagome's anxiety over fitting in here.
"Then you should come home Kagome!" Shippou begged, his voice sounding so forlorn.
"Aw, Shippou, baby, I'll be home really soon, I promise! Oh! I have another surprise for you boys," Kagome said happily, clutching at the phone in her excitement. "I joined a martial arts team here at Grandma's dojo with Rin and her friends. We're going to a tournament in two weeks. Would you boys like to come root for me?"
"I want to see you fight!" Souta shouted.
"Me too! We wanna go!" Shippou cried. They began chattering at the same time happily and Kagome laughed, sighing, and flopping backwards over her bed. It was such a familiar noise, one that filled her with great warmth.
"Well then, I'll have to ask Mother, but I'm sure you two will be allowed to spend the weekend here in the city with me and Grams. I'll return you safe and sound." The boys cheered until a loud female voice was heard in the background. Kagome heard Souta yelling at thier mother and then she heard her mother's voice.
"Kagome?"
"Hi Mother," Kagome said, straightening up. Even of her mother couldn't see her, Kagome slipped easily into the formal manner of a High Miko's daughter.
"What is it that the boys are so worked up about?" she asked calmly. She heard Shippou also in the background now.
"I was telling them that I joined a martial arts team at Grandmother's dojo. We're going to the Nationals Tournament in two weeks and I wanted the boys to come."
"Kagome, I thought you were in the city for important reasons, not to join teams and go to tournaments," her mother scolded, bursting whatever hopeful fantasy that had been growing in the back of Kagome's mind.
"I am Mother," Kagome said in a soft voice. She heard her mother telling Souta and Shippou to go get ready for bed, that she needed to talk to me alone. Kagome's heart went out to the boys, but she'd call them tomorrow night. "Mother?" Kagome asked, pretty sure the boys were now out of earshot.
"Kagome, have you found the Inutoya's?" came her mother's pressing question. No small talk. No 'how is your new school Kagome?' Or 'are you and your grandmother doing alright?' No. Not from her mother. Sayaka Higurashi loved her daughter, but her mind only registered one thing. Revenge.
"I have not yet gone to their home, Mother," Kagome said, feeling ashamed. She shouldn't judge her mother like that. It was Kagome who had gotten blinded from her mission by the thrill of having friends and feeling like she was a part of something. No, she couldn't do that. A Miko's life was lived alone, and only alone. She could not let herself dream of things that she could never have. And in a month, she would never again be a normal teenaged girl. She would be the High Miko of the Higurashi family, and her hands would be stained with the blood of the Inutoya family. Kagome's duty was to her mother.
"Have you made any contact with them? Have you seen any of them?"
"Yes Mother. The youngest son, Inuyasha, goes to my school. He is also on the martial arts team, which is part of my motivation for joining. I figured that if I stay close to him, I would get an easier path to his family."
"Clever girl. You do that. Stay close to him as much as you can. Remember Kagome, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."
"Yes Mother," Kagome said dully.
"Now that you have told me the reason why you're on this team, I'll allow you to continue."
Kagome felt hollow inside, the newfound happiness she had felt that day with Sango and Rin withered and rotted in her stomach. She felt like a worm. "And the boys?" she squeaked out. They were her happiness. Seeing them in two weeks would make all the scary, ugly reality go away.
"What about the boys?" her mother asked, seeming to have forgotten what had drawn her to the phone. She was much too busy scheming all the ways that her daughter would end the lives of her enemies.
"The team is having a tournament in two weeks. I want to have the boys stay with me for the weekend. Would that be alright? I'd pick them up and bring them home, it would be no trouble to you." She waited, holding her breath.
"Alright then," her mother said. She sounded like she didn't really care. "Just don't get them involved in anything Kagome. They'll be your responsibility." Kagome almost laughed at the absurdity of that statement. When had her brothers NOT been her responsibility? But that would have been disrespectful.
"Thank you mother," Kagome whispered. But the line had already gone dead. Not even a good-bye. Kagome hung up and hugged Kitty to her chest. She didn't feel like crying. The gnawing emptiness in her chest was a familiar one. But she missed the soft warmth that was her brothers when they would cuddle in with her whenever any of them had a bad day. She desperately wanted to cuddle Shippou to her, to hold Souta near her heart. A heart that beat only for them. The brothers she lived for. If it had not been for them, she would have died so long ago. It wasn't even scary to Kagome anymore, about how rationally she thought about her own death.
"I still believe you when you say,
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day"
"Kagome!" Rin called out, snagging her cousin on the front steps of the school. Kagome turned to her with a smile, but it looked tired. "Are you ok? You look tired."
"Rough night, that's all," Kagome said with a smile. Sango was at Rin's side.
"What? Bad dreams?" she asked, her mind thinking of a few things that could keep a girl up all night.
"More like bad reality," Kagome muttered to no one in particular.
"What's that mean?" Sango asked. Rin looked concerned.
"You talked to your mother, didn't you?" Kagome sighed, then gave them a crooked smile.
"Yeah. She's doing a lot better now, but you know her Rin, same as always." Her cousin nodded solemnly. "But on a better note, I convinced her to let me stay on the martial arts team. And she said that I could kidnap my boys for the Nationals. So we'll have a set cheering section." Rin and Sango both smiled.
"That's really cool! I'll have to introduce them to my brother," Sango explained, clasping her hands together in front of her eagerly. Her smile faded however when she felt something--or rather someone--fondle her butt. "PERVERT!" she screamed, whirling around to deck Miroku hard on the jaw. Sending him to meet the pavement face-to -face. (And we have Sango's battle cry!)
"Hey Inuyasha, hi Miroku!" Rin chirped happily, bouncing up and down slightly, making her braids flop over her shoulders. "We have good news!"
"What's that?" Inuyasha asked idly, chewing on one of his claws and examining it.
Rin was undaunted. "Kagome's mom is letting her stay on the team! And her brothers are coming to watch the Nationals when we go." Inuyasha perked, looking at Kagome for confirmation. The said miko was rubbing her eyelids with her thumb and forefinger knuckle, glasses on her head. She blinked, looking up at the half-demon watching her. Her eyes were red, tired. There were circles under her eyes. Was practice that rough on her? Or was it something else?
"Oh yes, she speaks the truth. I'm kidnapping away my bro-hans (for all thoughs who don't know, it means brothers!), so it looks like you'll get to meet the demon in my life dog-boy." She smiled, but it was forced. It didn't reach her eyes. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he knew she'd give him some half-ass excuse, or even just blow him off entirely. Kagome didn't trust him. He got the feeling that she didn't trust anyone.
"Well then, I guess I'll have to make him aware of what a bitch of an older sister he has," Inuyasha remark casually. The effect of his offhand remark was immediate and intense. Kagome's eyes burned now. Even though he was slightly afraid, it was nicer to see her angry then see her eyes so lifeless.
"You'll do no such thing! My brothers aren't going to be tainted by the likes of you!" she jabbed a finger in his chest for emphasis. He was tempted to pull the same move that she had pulled on the girl from his lunch table the day before, but he kind of liked the attention. He smirked in her face.
"Let's see you stop me," he said with a grin. Kagome's finger dropped to her side and pulling her glasses back over her eyes. Without a word to anyone, Kagome turned on her heel and walked inside. Inuyasha blinked after her, wondering what the hell just made her take off like that. He heard Rin stand beside him.
Rin was tempted to follow Kagome, but she knew that nothing she did would help her cousin right now. 'Damn you Sayaka,' Rin thought, feeling tears sting the back of her eyes. Her heart wrenched for Kagome. Beautiful Kagome, who did everything for her mother but was always denied the family she had wanted so badly since the death of her father. Kagome, who always kept everyone around her happy, but never herself. The girl who raised two boys all alone for so many years. The girl who was barely raised herself.
"Rin," Sango's voice came. "What happened?" Her best friend's arm was on her shoulder. Sango was also watching Kagome leave, confusion written on her face.
"Kagome's mother happened," Rin said under her breath, but they all heard her. Even Miroku, who had pulled himself up off the pavement.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, voicing the question that had been on everyone's mind.
"Kagome and her mother...they don't always see eye to eye. She must have really stuck it to Kagome last night about joining the team."
"But why? What's so bad about the team?" Sango asked. They all looked at Rin for answers, but she squirmed under their gaze. Kagome had confided in Rin the reason why she was in the city. Though Rin was not at all happy about her cousin's mission, she was not fully convinced that Kagome could truly become a killer. Her own inner conflict might be nothing compared to that of her cousin, but she flinched in guilt for not telling Inuyasha that his family was potentially in danger. She had watched as her friend lost his father and grieved for these three years. But she had also experienced the grief of her uncle's death so many years ago, and had seen the bitterness that twisted in her cousin and aunt till this day.
Rin sighed, struggling for the right words. Her friends saw this, and were patient. "Kagome's mother sent her to the city on a task, a last test you could call it, before Kagome becomes a full miko. She wants nothing to get in the way. No distractions."
"Her mother sounds strict," Sango commented.
Rin nodded. "She's very hard on Kagome, but my cousin is very strong. She loves her mother very much, and would do anything for her." Inuyasha snorted.
"It doesn't sound like her mother deserves such loyalty." Everyone shot Inuyasha evil eyes, but Rin's softened into thoughtful.
"No, she really doesn't. But Kagome is so desperate to keep her family." There was really no other way to explain without giving away too much. Kagome would hate it if these people she barely knew found out about her past. Rin sighed, but smiled at her friends. "Let's go." They all gave her solemn nods and filed into the building.
Kagome had fled from Inuyasha and the others. She knew it had been a cowardly act, one that left Rin the hard job of explanations. Kagome winced, guilt pouring into her like salt on an already open wound. Poor, sweet Rin. She was horrified when Kagome confided to her about her mother's request. She had broken into tears, begging Kagome not to kill her friend and his family. Rin had told her about Inuyasha's kind human mother, and his stoic, but equally kind brother. She would never forgive Kagome once this was done.
She would lose Rin. She would kill Inuyasha. Kagome wasn't at all convinced she'd keep her sanity once this ordeal was over, but what did that matter now? She hadn't yet killed anyone. If she was lucky, maybe her mother could be discouraged from going through with this murder. The thought came to Kagome that when she became High Miko on her 18th birthday she could refuse her mother's request. But that only added more conflict to her already conflicted brain. But one thought was clear. One thing certain above all. Kagome completely and utterly hated herself.
"So I might try to leave it all behind,
I know tomorrows not so bright now,
I'll say goodbye cause nothing good can last,
You wear and figured no where fast"
"Good morning Kagome," a voice said from beside her. Kagome looked up to see Hojo opening a locker three down from her own. She smiled her fake smile, he didn't notice.
"Good morning Hojo. How are you?"
"I'm good, and you?"
"I'm alright. Thank you for asking." They were polite strangers. It was funny how she could exchange such nice words with a boy like Hojo, but did nothing but argue with a boy like Inuyasha, with whom she would have much rather been talking to regardless of her mission.
"Hey Kagome, are you alright after yesterday? I know some people are a little angry about what happened at lunch and all." He closed his locker and walked over to talk to her. Kagome shifted a little farther away from him as she tucked a book in her locker.
"Yeah, I'm fine Hojo. I was out of line yesterday. I would apologize, but I don't think it would make much of a difference. But that's not really important, I won't be here that long anyway." She regretted her casual words when she saw the crestfallen expression on his face.
"What do you mean? You just got here!" He looked panicked and Kagome was surprised.
"Well, I just moved in with my grandmother for a few months while I take care of some business. I'm going back to live with my mother as soon as I'm done. It most likely won't take me longer then Christmas vacation to finish."
"But that's only a month! Why can't you stay the rest of the year?"
"Why should I?" she challenged, shutting her locker a little louder then she meant to. Her anger flared and Hojo was her unwitting target. She would regret it later on in class, but for right now, it was good to let loose on someone. "Why the fuck should I stay here? I've got responsibilities back home! I have a life to go back to! I came out here to do a job for my fucking mother and when I'm done I'm fucking going home!" With that she stormed passed the staring people in the hall and headed toward homeroom. Her eyes burned, but she wouldn't cry. Not over this.
Inuyasha had witnessed the outburst. After what Rin had told him, he wanted to go and talk to Kagome. They'd argue of course, they always did, but he hoped to weasel some answers out of her like he had on the steps yesterday. He saw her at her locker, talking to some boy he recognized as being one of those goody-two-shoes teacher's pets. He growled under his breath as he saw the boy flirt with Kagome. Not that he was jealous. He just knew that a girl like Kagome would never go for a guy like that.
Then he saw that the boy had said something to make Kagome go ridged with anger. He smelled it thick in the air. Frustration, rage, but above all, desperation. It mingled with her normally flowery scent and it made all the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Then he heard her let loose on the nearest victim.
"Why should I? Why the fuck should I stay here? I've got responsibilities back home! I have a life ot go back to! I came out here to do a job for my fucking mother and when I'm done I'm going fucking home!" Inuyasha had been too stunned to move as he watched her stomp off. The boy stood in the same position as he had when she yelled. Inuyasha had only known Kagome a short time, but he knew that she was usually so composed. She never ripped into anyone, apart from him, so why did she now? Was her conversation with her mother really that upsetting? What the fuck did she have to do in the city that was so important?
Inuyasha wanted answers. His ears twitched in his resolve. Oh yes, he wanted answers. And he'd be damned if he didn't get any. Even if that meant willingly putting himself beneath the razor edge of her tounge.
"And today,
I don't know how to keep it all inside,
But I guess I'll let it slide"
Kagome sat at her desk, arms folder over her book, face buried in her arms. Sango and Rin took their seat next to and in front of her. Inuyasha and Miroku took their seats nearby as well. Class started, but Kagome didn't hear it. She didn't hear anything, not the teacher's monotone voice, not Miroku's snoring, not even Rin and Sango's giggles as they whispered back and forth about Miroku drooling on his binder. She was too busy wallowing in misery and self-pity.
Sayaka would be ashamed if she saw her like this. Kaede would be ashamed as well. Kagome was ashamed of herself. By second period, she had perked up immensely. And by lunch, she was back to her old self, much to the relief of Sango and Rin. The three girls sat at their table in the back, chatting about this and that. After a while, the conversation drifted into family. Kagome later suspected Sango of meaning it to be a round-about way of getting her to open up to them.
"My mother died when I was little," Sango explained, drinking her Snapple thoughtfully. "It's just been me, Dad, and Kohaku for a long time. But we're happy. Kohaku is a sweetie. He's shy and doesn't like to be left alone, even though he tried to act brave and daring." Kagome laughed, knowing the way it was.
"Souta is the same way. He's always trying to act tough, but he's a total marshmallow. Shippou is a little more aggressive. He's all bark and little bite, unless someone is threatening a person her cares about. Then he gets defensive."
"Yes, little brothers are endearing sometimes," Sango and Kagome laughed. Rin sighed wistfully, being an only child.
"I'm the only one with a 'normal' family," she had said, twirling one of her braids happily. "I live with both my parents, in the same apartment we've had all my life. We're very uneventful people for the most part, so much unlike you two!" They laughed. For Kagome, it felt really good to laugh.
"What about your Dad Kagome?" Sango asked with interest, sipping on her drink. "He and Rin's dad are brother's right?"
"Half-brothers actually," Rin clarified, feeling Kagome's tension. "They had different fathers, but the same mother. My father is the older of the two." Sango looked interested.
"So tell me about him Kagome," Sango asked her with a smile. Kagome looked down at her lunch tray, appetite suddenly gone.
"His name is Rei Yue," she said without emotion. (I love the name Rei, by the way. I'm naming my first born son Rei, lol!) Sango twitched, the name was familiar to her, but she couldn't place it.
"Then why is your last name Isharugi?" she asked instead. She could see the subject was not Kagome's favorite.
"It's common practice in my family for girls to take the family name, not their father's name. Because it's my mother's family that has the miko heritage that I am part of. My brothers are Yue, but I'm Isharugi."
"That's so strange, to have a different name then your brothers." Kagome shrugged.
"My family is weird."
"So, where's your father now? What does he do? Does he live in the city, or with you and your family?" They were all innocent questions, but each struck Kagome like a blow to the chest.
"He died when I was eight," Kagome mentioned quietly, poking at the Jell-O on her plate with a spoon.
"I'm sorry," Sango said, suddenly horrified. "I didn't know...I mean, if you had told me I wouldn't have asked so much."
"It's ok," Kagome told her quickly. "It was a long time ago. You didn't know, it's not your fault." Then Kagome sighed, getting to her feet. "I'm going to go to class early. I'll see you guys after school, ok?" They nodded as Kagome left.
"Why didn't you tell me her father was dead? I just made her sadder!" Sango yelled in a hushed voice at Rin. Rin sighed and shrugged. It wouldn't have mattered. Kagome was off balance by more then just her mother. It was also the full moon tomorrow night. Her science teacher had informed the class that afternoon. It became obvious to Rin that Kagome had forgotten this detail and she cringed inwardly. Her cousin never caught a break.
"Today I don't know why,
I thought that it was real,
But I guess it's no big deal,
I don't know how,
To let it slide"
'Don't let this get to you Kag,' her mind yelled at her. 'It's just a harmless little thing. No biggie. Just keep it together.' Kagome sat at her desk in the back of her class, hugging her knees to her chest. She rocked back and forth slightly, glasses askew as she tried to keep herself together, to keep from going into a rage and destroying everything within reach. Her muscles trembled with the repressed violent urges.
God, how she wanted to break something. She wanted to feel it splinter between her hands, feel it fall to the ground in pieces, like her life seemed to be doing. Kagome wanted to release the horrible feeling that had been living in her stomach and was creeping slowly up towards her heart.
Suddenly, she had the intense urge to run back into the cafeteria and tell Sango everything she had told Rin. She had the urge to run and tell Inuyasha. To warn him and his family of what she might do. Of what she was capable of. Oh how she wanted her mother to call and tell her to come home. How she just wanted to bury herself in her bed, to hug her living security blankets named Souta and Shippou. How she just wanted to curl into a ball and die.
Why was this hurting her so badly? She had killed demons before! She'd killed loads of demons when her mother had taken her out with her. Kagome had killed lower demons on her own when people came calling for the services of the Higurashi High Miko. She had killed before and it never hurt her this way. Not even the first life she took, which left her with a long scar on the back of her left leg, left her feeling only a fraction of the guilt and sorrow she felt now. Maybe it was because she'd be killing a human, Inuyasha's mother. Or maybe it was just because she didn't want to kill him. Inuyasha.
'No,' she told herself quickly. 'I don't want to kill anyone at all!' But her mother's words rang in her head, and the hope that had been locked away in the heart of a child came rushing through her. 'Maybe, I'll finally be able to move on.'
"You have to move on, Mother," Kagome whispered aloud to the empty classroom. "Once I do this for you, you can move on. You can come back to me, back to us." Her hand closed around the locket containing the pictures of her brothers. The locket her father had given to her on her eighth birthday. The locket he gave to her just an hour before he left and never came back.
Kagome rocked back and forth in her seat, breathing deeply to keep the tears at bay. She had learned years ago how to master her emotions. But the roller-coaster that seemed to be life in the city was making her fragile shell crack and making her life hell. It had been a very long time since she had lost her control. By the time the bell rang and class began, Kagome was as normal as if nothing had ever happened at all.
But Inuyasha knew otherwise. He had seen her leave the cafeteria and followed when the blonde bimbos were looking the other way. He had followed her light, calming scent to the room of their next class and pressed his fuzzy ear to the doorway. He heard her in the back of the room, talking to herself. The words were muffled, but it sounded as if she were on the verge of tears. But like yesterday, no salt-smell came. No tears. He peeked in the room and saw her sitting with her back to him, hunched into a ball in her seat, rocking herself slowly. The scene was so stunning and sad that he was frozen. For some perverse reason he couldn't look away from the sight of her all consuming misery. He saw her, bit by bit, rebuild the wall that kept her functioning. When class started, she was completely normal, and she had no idea that he knew what she'd been doing in the room. She had no idea that he had seen her in that one pathetic, broken moment.
Kagome carried on the day, torturing Inuyasha unmercifully, but he seemed unwilling to play the game. He looked at her with sad, pitying eyes. What had Rin told him? Why was he looking at her like that? It was frightening her. This was Inuyasha, her mortal enemy! No, he was her mother's enemy. He was just...her cousin's friend. This was Inuyasha, the guy she ripped on. The guy she screwed around with. Why did he look at her as if he knew all her heart's secrets.
'That's ridiculous,' she thought to herself. 'He has no idea who I am, or what I have to do.' Like before, the thought of ending his life was saddening. How could her mother expect her to end the life of this arrogant, conceited, sarcastic, gorgeous half-demon? But worse yet, how could she ever bring herself to do it? Her thoughts of mercy were squashed. No more would she teeter on the edge of resistance. She let the darker emotions that she had always kept locked away in her heart flow into her. The anger, the bitterness, the misery, the pain. The memories of her father. Her pity for Inuyasha faded. Kagome would not fall prey to the fuzzy feelings she harbored towards him. She would not lose sight of her mission. And damn it all, she would get her family back, if it cost her everything she had. But the only thing she had, was her soul.
Kagome had no way of knowing, but her soul was exactly what one person wanted.
"I still believe it when you say,
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day."
Okay, Chapter 4 is up and 5 is coming soon! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and to everyone who are reading, but not reviewing. Either way, thanks! I really like this story and I have high hopes for it to become something really good in the future. Right now is angsty, yes, but it will get deeper later on. Scouts honor!...even though I'm not a scout. Anywho, remember to review!
~~Jesse the Wolf Demon!~~
Whyndancer Sez:
Okies! I got chapter 4 edited and chapter five is almost finished. And boy is it a doozy. Sorry for the wait.
Chapter 4: High School Blues
"I'm holding on waiting for your call,
It's simple but I can't explain this,
I'm sinking down I feel like I could die
I'm falling off I don't know why"
After the training session was over, Kagome had gone up to her room and had a lengthy conversation with her brothers about her first day of school. They were eager to listen, and she was eager to tell. Kagome, Souta, and Shippou were close enough to share everything with one another, including Kagome's anxiety over fitting in here.
"Then you should come home Kagome!" Shippou begged, his voice sounding so forlorn.
"Aw, Shippou, baby, I'll be home really soon, I promise! Oh! I have another surprise for you boys," Kagome said happily, clutching at the phone in her excitement. "I joined a martial arts team here at Grandma's dojo with Rin and her friends. We're going to a tournament in two weeks. Would you boys like to come root for me?"
"I want to see you fight!" Souta shouted.
"Me too! We wanna go!" Shippou cried. They began chattering at the same time happily and Kagome laughed, sighing, and flopping backwards over her bed. It was such a familiar noise, one that filled her with great warmth.
"Well then, I'll have to ask Mother, but I'm sure you two will be allowed to spend the weekend here in the city with me and Grams. I'll return you safe and sound." The boys cheered until a loud female voice was heard in the background. Kagome heard Souta yelling at thier mother and then she heard her mother's voice.
"Kagome?"
"Hi Mother," Kagome said, straightening up. Even of her mother couldn't see her, Kagome slipped easily into the formal manner of a High Miko's daughter.
"What is it that the boys are so worked up about?" she asked calmly. She heard Shippou also in the background now.
"I was telling them that I joined a martial arts team at Grandmother's dojo. We're going to the Nationals Tournament in two weeks and I wanted the boys to come."
"Kagome, I thought you were in the city for important reasons, not to join teams and go to tournaments," her mother scolded, bursting whatever hopeful fantasy that had been growing in the back of Kagome's mind.
"I am Mother," Kagome said in a soft voice. She heard her mother telling Souta and Shippou to go get ready for bed, that she needed to talk to me alone. Kagome's heart went out to the boys, but she'd call them tomorrow night. "Mother?" Kagome asked, pretty sure the boys were now out of earshot.
"Kagome, have you found the Inutoya's?" came her mother's pressing question. No small talk. No 'how is your new school Kagome?' Or 'are you and your grandmother doing alright?' No. Not from her mother. Sayaka Higurashi loved her daughter, but her mind only registered one thing. Revenge.
"I have not yet gone to their home, Mother," Kagome said, feeling ashamed. She shouldn't judge her mother like that. It was Kagome who had gotten blinded from her mission by the thrill of having friends and feeling like she was a part of something. No, she couldn't do that. A Miko's life was lived alone, and only alone. She could not let herself dream of things that she could never have. And in a month, she would never again be a normal teenaged girl. She would be the High Miko of the Higurashi family, and her hands would be stained with the blood of the Inutoya family. Kagome's duty was to her mother.
"Have you made any contact with them? Have you seen any of them?"
"Yes Mother. The youngest son, Inuyasha, goes to my school. He is also on the martial arts team, which is part of my motivation for joining. I figured that if I stay close to him, I would get an easier path to his family."
"Clever girl. You do that. Stay close to him as much as you can. Remember Kagome, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."
"Yes Mother," Kagome said dully.
"Now that you have told me the reason why you're on this team, I'll allow you to continue."
Kagome felt hollow inside, the newfound happiness she had felt that day with Sango and Rin withered and rotted in her stomach. She felt like a worm. "And the boys?" she squeaked out. They were her happiness. Seeing them in two weeks would make all the scary, ugly reality go away.
"What about the boys?" her mother asked, seeming to have forgotten what had drawn her to the phone. She was much too busy scheming all the ways that her daughter would end the lives of her enemies.
"The team is having a tournament in two weeks. I want to have the boys stay with me for the weekend. Would that be alright? I'd pick them up and bring them home, it would be no trouble to you." She waited, holding her breath.
"Alright then," her mother said. She sounded like she didn't really care. "Just don't get them involved in anything Kagome. They'll be your responsibility." Kagome almost laughed at the absurdity of that statement. When had her brothers NOT been her responsibility? But that would have been disrespectful.
"Thank you mother," Kagome whispered. But the line had already gone dead. Not even a good-bye. Kagome hung up and hugged Kitty to her chest. She didn't feel like crying. The gnawing emptiness in her chest was a familiar one. But she missed the soft warmth that was her brothers when they would cuddle in with her whenever any of them had a bad day. She desperately wanted to cuddle Shippou to her, to hold Souta near her heart. A heart that beat only for them. The brothers she lived for. If it had not been for them, she would have died so long ago. It wasn't even scary to Kagome anymore, about how rationally she thought about her own death.
"I still believe you when you say,
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day"
"Kagome!" Rin called out, snagging her cousin on the front steps of the school. Kagome turned to her with a smile, but it looked tired. "Are you ok? You look tired."
"Rough night, that's all," Kagome said with a smile. Sango was at Rin's side.
"What? Bad dreams?" she asked, her mind thinking of a few things that could keep a girl up all night.
"More like bad reality," Kagome muttered to no one in particular.
"What's that mean?" Sango asked. Rin looked concerned.
"You talked to your mother, didn't you?" Kagome sighed, then gave them a crooked smile.
"Yeah. She's doing a lot better now, but you know her Rin, same as always." Her cousin nodded solemnly. "But on a better note, I convinced her to let me stay on the martial arts team. And she said that I could kidnap my boys for the Nationals. So we'll have a set cheering section." Rin and Sango both smiled.
"That's really cool! I'll have to introduce them to my brother," Sango explained, clasping her hands together in front of her eagerly. Her smile faded however when she felt something--or rather someone--fondle her butt. "PERVERT!" she screamed, whirling around to deck Miroku hard on the jaw. Sending him to meet the pavement face-to -face. (And we have Sango's battle cry!)
"Hey Inuyasha, hi Miroku!" Rin chirped happily, bouncing up and down slightly, making her braids flop over her shoulders. "We have good news!"
"What's that?" Inuyasha asked idly, chewing on one of his claws and examining it.
Rin was undaunted. "Kagome's mom is letting her stay on the team! And her brothers are coming to watch the Nationals when we go." Inuyasha perked, looking at Kagome for confirmation. The said miko was rubbing her eyelids with her thumb and forefinger knuckle, glasses on her head. She blinked, looking up at the half-demon watching her. Her eyes were red, tired. There were circles under her eyes. Was practice that rough on her? Or was it something else?
"Oh yes, she speaks the truth. I'm kidnapping away my bro-hans (for all thoughs who don't know, it means brothers!), so it looks like you'll get to meet the demon in my life dog-boy." She smiled, but it was forced. It didn't reach her eyes. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he knew she'd give him some half-ass excuse, or even just blow him off entirely. Kagome didn't trust him. He got the feeling that she didn't trust anyone.
"Well then, I guess I'll have to make him aware of what a bitch of an older sister he has," Inuyasha remark casually. The effect of his offhand remark was immediate and intense. Kagome's eyes burned now. Even though he was slightly afraid, it was nicer to see her angry then see her eyes so lifeless.
"You'll do no such thing! My brothers aren't going to be tainted by the likes of you!" she jabbed a finger in his chest for emphasis. He was tempted to pull the same move that she had pulled on the girl from his lunch table the day before, but he kind of liked the attention. He smirked in her face.
"Let's see you stop me," he said with a grin. Kagome's finger dropped to her side and pulling her glasses back over her eyes. Without a word to anyone, Kagome turned on her heel and walked inside. Inuyasha blinked after her, wondering what the hell just made her take off like that. He heard Rin stand beside him.
Rin was tempted to follow Kagome, but she knew that nothing she did would help her cousin right now. 'Damn you Sayaka,' Rin thought, feeling tears sting the back of her eyes. Her heart wrenched for Kagome. Beautiful Kagome, who did everything for her mother but was always denied the family she had wanted so badly since the death of her father. Kagome, who always kept everyone around her happy, but never herself. The girl who raised two boys all alone for so many years. The girl who was barely raised herself.
"Rin," Sango's voice came. "What happened?" Her best friend's arm was on her shoulder. Sango was also watching Kagome leave, confusion written on her face.
"Kagome's mother happened," Rin said under her breath, but they all heard her. Even Miroku, who had pulled himself up off the pavement.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, voicing the question that had been on everyone's mind.
"Kagome and her mother...they don't always see eye to eye. She must have really stuck it to Kagome last night about joining the team."
"But why? What's so bad about the team?" Sango asked. They all looked at Rin for answers, but she squirmed under their gaze. Kagome had confided in Rin the reason why she was in the city. Though Rin was not at all happy about her cousin's mission, she was not fully convinced that Kagome could truly become a killer. Her own inner conflict might be nothing compared to that of her cousin, but she flinched in guilt for not telling Inuyasha that his family was potentially in danger. She had watched as her friend lost his father and grieved for these three years. But she had also experienced the grief of her uncle's death so many years ago, and had seen the bitterness that twisted in her cousin and aunt till this day.
Rin sighed, struggling for the right words. Her friends saw this, and were patient. "Kagome's mother sent her to the city on a task, a last test you could call it, before Kagome becomes a full miko. She wants nothing to get in the way. No distractions."
"Her mother sounds strict," Sango commented.
Rin nodded. "She's very hard on Kagome, but my cousin is very strong. She loves her mother very much, and would do anything for her." Inuyasha snorted.
"It doesn't sound like her mother deserves such loyalty." Everyone shot Inuyasha evil eyes, but Rin's softened into thoughtful.
"No, she really doesn't. But Kagome is so desperate to keep her family." There was really no other way to explain without giving away too much. Kagome would hate it if these people she barely knew found out about her past. Rin sighed, but smiled at her friends. "Let's go." They all gave her solemn nods and filed into the building.
Kagome had fled from Inuyasha and the others. She knew it had been a cowardly act, one that left Rin the hard job of explanations. Kagome winced, guilt pouring into her like salt on an already open wound. Poor, sweet Rin. She was horrified when Kagome confided to her about her mother's request. She had broken into tears, begging Kagome not to kill her friend and his family. Rin had told her about Inuyasha's kind human mother, and his stoic, but equally kind brother. She would never forgive Kagome once this was done.
She would lose Rin. She would kill Inuyasha. Kagome wasn't at all convinced she'd keep her sanity once this ordeal was over, but what did that matter now? She hadn't yet killed anyone. If she was lucky, maybe her mother could be discouraged from going through with this murder. The thought came to Kagome that when she became High Miko on her 18th birthday she could refuse her mother's request. But that only added more conflict to her already conflicted brain. But one thought was clear. One thing certain above all. Kagome completely and utterly hated herself.
"So I might try to leave it all behind,
I know tomorrows not so bright now,
I'll say goodbye cause nothing good can last,
You wear and figured no where fast"
"Good morning Kagome," a voice said from beside her. Kagome looked up to see Hojo opening a locker three down from her own. She smiled her fake smile, he didn't notice.
"Good morning Hojo. How are you?"
"I'm good, and you?"
"I'm alright. Thank you for asking." They were polite strangers. It was funny how she could exchange such nice words with a boy like Hojo, but did nothing but argue with a boy like Inuyasha, with whom she would have much rather been talking to regardless of her mission.
"Hey Kagome, are you alright after yesterday? I know some people are a little angry about what happened at lunch and all." He closed his locker and walked over to talk to her. Kagome shifted a little farther away from him as she tucked a book in her locker.
"Yeah, I'm fine Hojo. I was out of line yesterday. I would apologize, but I don't think it would make much of a difference. But that's not really important, I won't be here that long anyway." She regretted her casual words when she saw the crestfallen expression on his face.
"What do you mean? You just got here!" He looked panicked and Kagome was surprised.
"Well, I just moved in with my grandmother for a few months while I take care of some business. I'm going back to live with my mother as soon as I'm done. It most likely won't take me longer then Christmas vacation to finish."
"But that's only a month! Why can't you stay the rest of the year?"
"Why should I?" she challenged, shutting her locker a little louder then she meant to. Her anger flared and Hojo was her unwitting target. She would regret it later on in class, but for right now, it was good to let loose on someone. "Why the fuck should I stay here? I've got responsibilities back home! I have a life to go back to! I came out here to do a job for my fucking mother and when I'm done I'm fucking going home!" With that she stormed passed the staring people in the hall and headed toward homeroom. Her eyes burned, but she wouldn't cry. Not over this.
Inuyasha had witnessed the outburst. After what Rin had told him, he wanted to go and talk to Kagome. They'd argue of course, they always did, but he hoped to weasel some answers out of her like he had on the steps yesterday. He saw her at her locker, talking to some boy he recognized as being one of those goody-two-shoes teacher's pets. He growled under his breath as he saw the boy flirt with Kagome. Not that he was jealous. He just knew that a girl like Kagome would never go for a guy like that.
Then he saw that the boy had said something to make Kagome go ridged with anger. He smelled it thick in the air. Frustration, rage, but above all, desperation. It mingled with her normally flowery scent and it made all the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Then he heard her let loose on the nearest victim.
"Why should I? Why the fuck should I stay here? I've got responsibilities back home! I have a life ot go back to! I came out here to do a job for my fucking mother and when I'm done I'm going fucking home!" Inuyasha had been too stunned to move as he watched her stomp off. The boy stood in the same position as he had when she yelled. Inuyasha had only known Kagome a short time, but he knew that she was usually so composed. She never ripped into anyone, apart from him, so why did she now? Was her conversation with her mother really that upsetting? What the fuck did she have to do in the city that was so important?
Inuyasha wanted answers. His ears twitched in his resolve. Oh yes, he wanted answers. And he'd be damned if he didn't get any. Even if that meant willingly putting himself beneath the razor edge of her tounge.
"And today,
I don't know how to keep it all inside,
But I guess I'll let it slide"
Kagome sat at her desk, arms folder over her book, face buried in her arms. Sango and Rin took their seat next to and in front of her. Inuyasha and Miroku took their seats nearby as well. Class started, but Kagome didn't hear it. She didn't hear anything, not the teacher's monotone voice, not Miroku's snoring, not even Rin and Sango's giggles as they whispered back and forth about Miroku drooling on his binder. She was too busy wallowing in misery and self-pity.
Sayaka would be ashamed if she saw her like this. Kaede would be ashamed as well. Kagome was ashamed of herself. By second period, she had perked up immensely. And by lunch, she was back to her old self, much to the relief of Sango and Rin. The three girls sat at their table in the back, chatting about this and that. After a while, the conversation drifted into family. Kagome later suspected Sango of meaning it to be a round-about way of getting her to open up to them.
"My mother died when I was little," Sango explained, drinking her Snapple thoughtfully. "It's just been me, Dad, and Kohaku for a long time. But we're happy. Kohaku is a sweetie. He's shy and doesn't like to be left alone, even though he tried to act brave and daring." Kagome laughed, knowing the way it was.
"Souta is the same way. He's always trying to act tough, but he's a total marshmallow. Shippou is a little more aggressive. He's all bark and little bite, unless someone is threatening a person her cares about. Then he gets defensive."
"Yes, little brothers are endearing sometimes," Sango and Kagome laughed. Rin sighed wistfully, being an only child.
"I'm the only one with a 'normal' family," she had said, twirling one of her braids happily. "I live with both my parents, in the same apartment we've had all my life. We're very uneventful people for the most part, so much unlike you two!" They laughed. For Kagome, it felt really good to laugh.
"What about your Dad Kagome?" Sango asked with interest, sipping on her drink. "He and Rin's dad are brother's right?"
"Half-brothers actually," Rin clarified, feeling Kagome's tension. "They had different fathers, but the same mother. My father is the older of the two." Sango looked interested.
"So tell me about him Kagome," Sango asked her with a smile. Kagome looked down at her lunch tray, appetite suddenly gone.
"His name is Rei Yue," she said without emotion. (I love the name Rei, by the way. I'm naming my first born son Rei, lol!) Sango twitched, the name was familiar to her, but she couldn't place it.
"Then why is your last name Isharugi?" she asked instead. She could see the subject was not Kagome's favorite.
"It's common practice in my family for girls to take the family name, not their father's name. Because it's my mother's family that has the miko heritage that I am part of. My brothers are Yue, but I'm Isharugi."
"That's so strange, to have a different name then your brothers." Kagome shrugged.
"My family is weird."
"So, where's your father now? What does he do? Does he live in the city, or with you and your family?" They were all innocent questions, but each struck Kagome like a blow to the chest.
"He died when I was eight," Kagome mentioned quietly, poking at the Jell-O on her plate with a spoon.
"I'm sorry," Sango said, suddenly horrified. "I didn't know...I mean, if you had told me I wouldn't have asked so much."
"It's ok," Kagome told her quickly. "It was a long time ago. You didn't know, it's not your fault." Then Kagome sighed, getting to her feet. "I'm going to go to class early. I'll see you guys after school, ok?" They nodded as Kagome left.
"Why didn't you tell me her father was dead? I just made her sadder!" Sango yelled in a hushed voice at Rin. Rin sighed and shrugged. It wouldn't have mattered. Kagome was off balance by more then just her mother. It was also the full moon tomorrow night. Her science teacher had informed the class that afternoon. It became obvious to Rin that Kagome had forgotten this detail and she cringed inwardly. Her cousin never caught a break.
"Today I don't know why,
I thought that it was real,
But I guess it's no big deal,
I don't know how,
To let it slide"
'Don't let this get to you Kag,' her mind yelled at her. 'It's just a harmless little thing. No biggie. Just keep it together.' Kagome sat at her desk in the back of her class, hugging her knees to her chest. She rocked back and forth slightly, glasses askew as she tried to keep herself together, to keep from going into a rage and destroying everything within reach. Her muscles trembled with the repressed violent urges.
God, how she wanted to break something. She wanted to feel it splinter between her hands, feel it fall to the ground in pieces, like her life seemed to be doing. Kagome wanted to release the horrible feeling that had been living in her stomach and was creeping slowly up towards her heart.
Suddenly, she had the intense urge to run back into the cafeteria and tell Sango everything she had told Rin. She had the urge to run and tell Inuyasha. To warn him and his family of what she might do. Of what she was capable of. Oh how she wanted her mother to call and tell her to come home. How she just wanted to bury herself in her bed, to hug her living security blankets named Souta and Shippou. How she just wanted to curl into a ball and die.
Why was this hurting her so badly? She had killed demons before! She'd killed loads of demons when her mother had taken her out with her. Kagome had killed lower demons on her own when people came calling for the services of the Higurashi High Miko. She had killed before and it never hurt her this way. Not even the first life she took, which left her with a long scar on the back of her left leg, left her feeling only a fraction of the guilt and sorrow she felt now. Maybe it was because she'd be killing a human, Inuyasha's mother. Or maybe it was just because she didn't want to kill him. Inuyasha.
'No,' she told herself quickly. 'I don't want to kill anyone at all!' But her mother's words rang in her head, and the hope that had been locked away in the heart of a child came rushing through her. 'Maybe, I'll finally be able to move on.'
"You have to move on, Mother," Kagome whispered aloud to the empty classroom. "Once I do this for you, you can move on. You can come back to me, back to us." Her hand closed around the locket containing the pictures of her brothers. The locket her father had given to her on her eighth birthday. The locket he gave to her just an hour before he left and never came back.
Kagome rocked back and forth in her seat, breathing deeply to keep the tears at bay. She had learned years ago how to master her emotions. But the roller-coaster that seemed to be life in the city was making her fragile shell crack and making her life hell. It had been a very long time since she had lost her control. By the time the bell rang and class began, Kagome was as normal as if nothing had ever happened at all.
But Inuyasha knew otherwise. He had seen her leave the cafeteria and followed when the blonde bimbos were looking the other way. He had followed her light, calming scent to the room of their next class and pressed his fuzzy ear to the doorway. He heard her in the back of the room, talking to herself. The words were muffled, but it sounded as if she were on the verge of tears. But like yesterday, no salt-smell came. No tears. He peeked in the room and saw her sitting with her back to him, hunched into a ball in her seat, rocking herself slowly. The scene was so stunning and sad that he was frozen. For some perverse reason he couldn't look away from the sight of her all consuming misery. He saw her, bit by bit, rebuild the wall that kept her functioning. When class started, she was completely normal, and she had no idea that he knew what she'd been doing in the room. She had no idea that he had seen her in that one pathetic, broken moment.
Kagome carried on the day, torturing Inuyasha unmercifully, but he seemed unwilling to play the game. He looked at her with sad, pitying eyes. What had Rin told him? Why was he looking at her like that? It was frightening her. This was Inuyasha, her mortal enemy! No, he was her mother's enemy. He was just...her cousin's friend. This was Inuyasha, the guy she ripped on. The guy she screwed around with. Why did he look at her as if he knew all her heart's secrets.
'That's ridiculous,' she thought to herself. 'He has no idea who I am, or what I have to do.' Like before, the thought of ending his life was saddening. How could her mother expect her to end the life of this arrogant, conceited, sarcastic, gorgeous half-demon? But worse yet, how could she ever bring herself to do it? Her thoughts of mercy were squashed. No more would she teeter on the edge of resistance. She let the darker emotions that she had always kept locked away in her heart flow into her. The anger, the bitterness, the misery, the pain. The memories of her father. Her pity for Inuyasha faded. Kagome would not fall prey to the fuzzy feelings she harbored towards him. She would not lose sight of her mission. And damn it all, she would get her family back, if it cost her everything she had. But the only thing she had, was her soul.
Kagome had no way of knowing, but her soul was exactly what one person wanted.
"I still believe it when you say,
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day."
Okay, Chapter 4 is up and 5 is coming soon! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and to everyone who are reading, but not reviewing. Either way, thanks! I really like this story and I have high hopes for it to become something really good in the future. Right now is angsty, yes, but it will get deeper later on. Scouts honor!...even though I'm not a scout. Anywho, remember to review!
~~Jesse the Wolf Demon!~~