Chapter 15
Two hours later Dr.Martin and Thompson came into the kitchen. They looked tired. They found Angel on one couch and Buffy on the other one.
"It's a good thing I have another couch in my office. Why don't you get some sleep and I'll do the same in my office." Dr. Thompson said to Dr. Martin. Dr. Martin sat down next to Angel. She shook him gently. "Angel, wake up, it's Dr. Martin." Angel stirred and opened his eyes and focused in on Dr. Martin. When she saw that he was awake she put her hand on his shoulder and said "Everything went okay Angel. Cordelia is sleeping right now. She'll be out for another 4 hours or so. Spike is with her. I told him to come and get you when she wakes up. For now though just go back to sleep. Dr. Thompson and I are pretty tired so he is going to try and get some sleep in his office and I am going to go and lay down on the exam bed that you where on when we first got here. I'll see you later, go back to sleep." "Thank you Dr. Martin. Thank you for taking care of her." Angel said. Dr. Martin smiled at him then left to go into the exam room next to where they had put Cordelia. She was dead tired. It had been a long day that started early in the morning of the previous day while it was still dark. Dr. Martin climbed up to the exam bed and was asleep within a few minutes.
Four hours later they were all awakened by Angel falling as he tried to stand up. Buffy jumped up and went to his side.
"Are you alright?" Buffy asked as she straightened the furniture. Angel sat up. "Sorry to wake you up with so much noise. I thought my legs had healed enough for me to walk."
Dr. Martin came to his side. She had just walked into the room when he told Buffy what he was doing. "Well I guess you now know that you were wrong. Stay put for a second." Dr. Martin checked his legs out. She took the bandages off of his legs. The skin on the surface was healed but she didn't want to take any chances with the leg bones until she could get an x-ray of them.
Dr. Thompson had just walked in. "Mike can we take an x-ray of Angels legs here?" Dr. Martin asked.
"Yes and we can develop them here also."
"Buffy would you help Dr. Thompson pick up Angel and put him in the wheelchair." Buffy put her arm under Angels arm on the right side and Dr. Thompson took the other side while Dr. Martin handled the chair. She then wheeled Angel over to the room where the x-ray machine was. Buffy was curious about something. She asked Dr. Thompson "What is a gynecologist doing with an x-ray machine?" "Well it's my partners actually. He's a family physician."
They put Angel on the table and Dr. Thompson proceeded to take the x-rays. Dr. Martin had asked him to take x-rays of other parts of his body as well. It took them about 30 minutes to take all of the x-rays that Dr. Martin wanted. When they were done they helped Angel back into his wheelchair and then waited while Dr. Thompson developed the x-rays. While they were waiting Wesley came in with a cup of coffee in his hand.
"I just made a fresh pot of coffee if anyone would like some." Wesley said. "Sounds good to me." Dr. Martin said. "You want some coffee Angel?" "No but can you get me a glass of warm blood if there is any left?" "Sure, I'll be back in a few minutes." Dr. Martin said. As promised she was back in 10 minutes with a cup of coffee for Buffy and Dr. Thompson and a glass of blood for Angel.
Dr. Thompson came in with all of the x-rays. He put them up on the display board so that they could all see them. Wesley had some experience with reading x-rays but it had been a long time. He went and stood behind Dr. Martin and for the most part just listened.
Dr. Martin was studying the x-rays and could see that the bones in his legs were only half healed. But as to whether some damage was caused by Angel trying to stand up she couldn't tell. She was also studying the x-rays of his hands and feet and his side. "Angel's hands have healed just fine it's his left foot that doesn't seem to be quiet right." She explained to Dr. Thompson that Angel had been crucified by some demons after they had dragged him several miles through the desert." Wesley put his hand on Dr. Martin's arm. "Uh, Dr. Martin, I'm sorry but I don't think we should tell him too much until Lorne can read him. Current medical problems only. We could put all of our lives in danger by letting too many people know what we do and who Angel is." "Yes of course. I'm sorry Mike but there is someone that you have to meet before I can tell you very much. For now I need you to take all of what has happened here and put it away someplace in your mind where you can be certain that it won't leak out to anyone. Next week Saturday we can meet at a certain bar where Wesley and I will explain everything after you have spoken to the owner of the bar. Okay?" "Okay Sr. Mary I have complete faith in you." Dr. Thompson said.
After that Dr. Martin continued to study the x-ray. "Angel, Angel, Angel. What am I going to do with you. Tsk, tsk, tsk."
"I think I'm going to be yelled at now." Angel whispered to Buffy. "I think so to. My mother used to do the same thing to me when she caught me doing something that she told me not to do." Buffy said.
"No I am not going to yell at you Angel. Your much to old for me to do that. Besides you don't respond well to being yelled at. I have to use other tactics with you. What I am going to tell you is you are a very stubborn man, and no matter what I tell you, you still want to do what you want and you always get yourself into trouble." "I don't always do 'what I want to do'." Angel said in his own defense.
"Hah!" Wesley said.
Dr. Martin looked at Wesley who was smiling. "And you Buffy, do you have any observations as to what Angel thinks is a highly debatable subject?" "All I will say is back when he was in Sunnydale I was stronger then him so I could make him do what we wanted if he thought differently." Buffy said as she kind of gazed up at the ceiling. "That was one of our problems. We were almost always arguing." This time it was Dr. Martins turn. "Hah! So that's 3 against one. Well I'm not going to lecture you right now Angel. I'll save that for our first session when everyone is feeling better. What I am going to do though is ask you a question. Have you ever broken any of your bones before and how long did they take to heal if you did?"
"I must have broken every bone in my body at least once. Usually they heal within 12 hours and I can use them within 24 hours. That's why I thought I could at least stand to get into the wheelchair."
"Well I don't think you'll ever heal that fast again. So get used to it. The average human would take weeks or months to heal. But judging by how long it took for you to heal when you were crucified and now, I would say that if you do exactly what you are told you will now take at least 48 hours to heal those leg bones. Now of course the more simple the fracture the faster you will heal. It's been almost 20 hours since your legs were broken and the x-rays show them to be only half healed. We'll talk about this more later but for now I am going to put my other hat on, as Spike calls it. I wanted to talk to you before we go and see Cordelia. I wanted to talk to you about how you need to treat her while she is recovering from the rape. What I am talking about is the psychological scars that will take a lot longer to heal. We're lucky that she is reaching out for you Angel. Many women that are raped can't even stand there husbands to touch there hand let alone have sex. Don't talk to her about the rape at all until she shows that she is ready to talk about it, but don't act like it never happened either. You are going to have to walk a fine line with her for now Angel. If what she wants from you is for you to just hold her and not say anything then that's what I want you to do." Dr. Martin got on her knees next to Angels chair and put her hand on his knee. "Angel she may get over this in less then one month and it also could take several years. Do you understand Angel?"
"Yes, I have to love her more then I love myself. I also have to let her make the first move."
"Yes, exactly. No woman could ask for a better husband then you Angel. Cordelia is a very lucky woman. Now let's go and see your wife."
Dr. Martin knocked on the door where Cordelia was recovering. Spike had been keeping watch over her so he answered the door.
"Come in she's awake."
Dr. Martin and Thompson came in first. "How are you feeling Cordelia?" Dr. Martin asked.
"Very, very, very sore." Cordelia said.
Dr. Thompson walked in slowly. Cordelia had not seen him yet. She grabbed Dr. Martins hand and started shaking. Dr. Martin held her hand firmly.
"It's okay Cordelia. This is Dr. Mike Thompson. He's an old friend of mine. He's also a gynecologist. This is his office that we're in. He helped me treat you and helped me with the surgery."
"Surgery? What did you do, what happened to me that I needed surgery?" Dr. Martin and Thompson looked at each other. They knew she was blocking out the rape. If she didn't let herself remember it she wouldn't have to deal with it.
Dr. Martin thought it would be best to ignore this for now and continue on as though the surgery was for something else. "Remember the problem you and Angel were having when you had intercourse?"
"Yes." Cordelia answered.
"Dr. Thompson and I fixed it last night." "You did, how did you do that?" Cordelia asked.
"Your uterus was pressing down on your vagina and that is what was causing you problems. I also checked your left ovary and put it back in place also. So now there is no reason why you and Angel can't have a chance at getting pregnant every month instead of just every other month."
Cordelia smiled at her. "That's great. Where is Angel?"
Dr. Martin looked at Spike. She motioned for him to put his Vamp face on. When he did it she motioned for him to wait.
"Cordelia I want you to meet someone else. He assisted us with the surgery." She motioned for Spike to come over where Cordelia could see him. It was like it was happening in slow motion for Cordelia. She saw Spike in his Vampire face and it all came flooding back into her mind. The attack on the beach. Five vampires jumping Angel. Three others grabbing her and starting to tear her clothes off. She was fighting with everything that Angel had taught her. She almost escaped then but they caught her again and started to hit her some more. The last thing she remembered was two of the Vampires holding her down and pulling her legs apart. All the time they were beating her they were laughing. She saw Angel with the rest of the Vampires on him and one of them raising a large piece of wood and hitting him on the head. Then the vampire that was on her hit her as hard as he could and that was the last thing she saw.
Dr. Martin was still holding her hand. "Im sorry Cordelia I had to let you see Spike with his Vamp face on. You were blocking the memory of the rape. Seeing him did exactly as I was hoping it would do." Dr. Martin turned around and called Angel in.
Buffy wheeled Angel in.
"What did they do to you?" Cordelia asked Angel when she saw him in the wheelchair.
"They broke my legs. I guess they didn't want to be bothered with holding me down. They were more interested in making sure that I saw what they were doing to you."
"How many took their turn at me?"
"I saw ten." Angels voice was shaky. He was just barely controlling himself so that he could talk. "Just before they knocked me out I heard you calling to me and when I tried to get at the Vamps that were raping you they hit me over the head with something and everything went dark. The next time I came to I started fighting them again because I heard you calling for me. This time they broke my legs and I passed out from the pain. That's all I remember."
Angel pushed the wheels so that he could come close enough to the bed to hold her hand.
"I'm so sorry Cordy. When you needed me the most I couldn't do anything." Angel put his head on the bed and broke down crying. Cordelia was crying also, but she was incredibly calm. She just ran her hands through his hair as he continued to cry and say he was sorry that he had failed her.
Dr. Martin motioned the others to leave the room and give them some privacy. As she closed the door behind her she noticed that everyone was wiping their eyes and blowing their nose. She went ahead of the others and returned to the kitchen where she made another pot of coffee. Everyone else came in and just stood around.
"What do you think of this family and their abilities and problems?" Dr. Martin asked as she looked at Dr. Thompson and leaned against the counter waiting for the coffee maker to finish.
"Amazing, just simply amazing. I never knew that such people existed."
"Very few of the human population does. Do you think you could take two new patients on that are included in this family?" Dr. Martin asked.
"Who would that be? I know one will be Mrs. Martin but who is the other one?" Dr. Thompson asked.
"Buffy here. You wouldn't have to see her all of the time just maybe once or twice during her future pregnancies. Buffy is married to Spike here. I will come for Cordelia and Buffy's first deliveries but they need a Doctor here that understands their unusual situation. If for some reason I can't make it then you will of course have to do the deliveries."
"Do you expect Mrs. Martin to have problems?" Dr. Thompson asked. "It's not that I expect her to have problems. I am concerned that their may be a problem with the baby. Wesley and I have a lot to explain to you Mike. As we planned we'll meet next Saturday. I think we should be taking Cordelia and Angel home if she is ready to go."
"We can't go yet Dr. Martin. The windows on my SUV aren't tinted dark enough to take Angel out in the sun. Spike can't go out either. It's 3 o'clock now so we should be able to go by 5:30 p.m.." Wesley said.
"I don't know about the rest of you but I can do with some more sleep. Why don't we get another hour or two of sleep and then move them. I am going to check on Cordelia before I return to my makeshift bed." Dr. Martin went to the room where Cordelia and Angel where and opened the door as quietly as possible. She found them sleeping with Cordelia's hand on Angels head and he apparently had cried himself to sleep in the same position he was in when they had left the room. She closed the door again and went back to the kitchen and laid down on the couch that Angel had previously occupied.
At 5:30 Dr. Martins internal clock woke her up and she went around waking everyone up. When she woke Wesley up she told him to bring his vehicle to the back door so they could load up Angel and Cordelia. Then she called the hotel to let them know they were on they're way back.
Dr. Martin and Thompson went to get Cordelia and Angel ready but they found Buffy and Spike in the room already taking care of them. Buffy was already pushing Angels wheelchair to the back and Spike was removing all of the tubes and needles from Cordelia.
"How are you feeling Cordelia?" Dr. Thompson asked.
"Sore but better." "Do you think you could walk a little?" Dr. Martin asked.
"Yes, I think so."
"Good, lets get you up then. It's very important that you start walking for at least a short distance."
"Can I have a robe or Angels jacket or a blanket. It's kind of drafty on my backside." Cordelia forced a smile.
"Sure, I have a lab coat that you can use. I'll be right back." Dr. Thompson said. He left to get the lab coat and came right back. By the time they got to the back door Buffy and Wesley had put Angel in the back. He was sitting up so that he could hold Cordelia. Spike picked her up and gave her to Angel. Tears were coming down her face from the pain but she didn't let out a sound. Dr. Martin had noticed the tears though.
"How are you doing Cordelia? Are you in a lot of pain?" "Yes it hurts but I can take it. We Martin women are tough cookies." She looked at Angel when she said that. Angel smiled at her and wiped the tears away. "Yes we are." Dr. Martin said with a smile.
"Dr. Thompson could you get me a towel to sit on I think I'm bleeding again." Cordelia asked. Dr. Thompson said sure and was back in a few minutes. "Angel hold her up for a second while I put this under her please." Angel lifted her up and Dr. Thompson placed the towel on Angels lap where she had been sitting. "Ok you can put her down now. Cordelia pull the end up between your legs. Spike come here please." Spike had just come back from taking the wheelchair back into the office and came over to stand by Dr. Thompson. "Since you are the one that has been taking care of Cordelia and seem to be her personnel chauffeur I am going to let you know. When you pick up Cordelia make sure you pick up the towel also. Also make sure that Dr. Martin sees the towel." "Why is it important for her to see the towel?" Spiked asked. "The color of the blood will tell her a lot. Get her to explain." Dr. Thompson put his arm around Spikes shoulder and looked at Angel and Cordelia. "I just love having 3rd year med students. It's so much fun pushing them around." "Yeah well your going to have to stand in line. There are 2 ahead of you." Spike gave it all he had. He knew that Dr. Martin was standing behind him. She came around and asked Spike to lift her up to the tailgate. SUV's were high and Dr. Martin was only 5'2". Wesley and Buffy were right behind Spike and watching this little theatrical play.
"Spike come closer." Dr. Martin said. Spike came closer to her and she took his hands in hers.
"I want everyone to understand that they are to stop picking on Spike. Buffy you are to stop teasing him so much. He is going to be needing your understanding and help for the next year or so. Dr. Thompson I am telling you that if I hear that you are abusing Spike in anyway even if you think it is funny I'll come over here and make sure that you never do it again. I know that when we where residents we mistreated our medical students but Spike is different. I want you all to understand that Spike is under my protection and the kind of protection I can give doesn't require strength. Angel stop picking on him or you just might find a needle going in sideways. One thing you never want to do is piss off you Doctor. Spike has helped me a lot with taking care of you and now Cordelia. You both owe him. Dr. Thompson treat him with kid gloves. You know how I can get when I want to get back at someone. Remember Bob in our 2nd year?" "Ohhhh yes." Dr. Thompson said with a smile.
"Cordelia has always been nice to me Dr. Martin. Even before I got my soul back her and I got along just fine. She's a good person and if you ask me Angel doesn't deserve her." Spike said as he continued to hold hands with Dr. Martin.
"Believe me Spike when I say that Angel knows exactly how lucky he is. Okay lets get going. Mike I can't thank you enough. Please do not tell anyone about this. As I said before Angel and Cordelia's lives may depend on you being silent. I'll see you next Saturday. Good night." "Good night everyone." Dr. Thompson waved at everyone else. "Good night teachers pet." Dr. Thompson waved at Spike. "Jealous Dr. Thompson?" Spike yelled as he pulled out of the parking lot. Dr. Martin was leaning back against the back of the front seat. "Kids, what can you do." Dr. Martin said. Everyone was laughing.
They pulled up to the back of the hotel. Spike parked Angels car and then went to the back of Wesley's SUV and picked up Cordelia. Connor had Angels wheelchair at the back. Wesley and Connor lifted Angel out of the back and put him in the wheelchair.
"I am starting to hate the sight of this chair." Angel said as they put him in it. Connor pushed his fathers wheelchair upstairs and Spike carried Cordelia. When they got into the room Spike went to put Cordelia down on the bed but Dr. Martin told him to wait while she went into the bathroom to get a couple of towels. She laid the 2 towels down on the bed and then told Spike to put her down. Why don't you help Wesley undress Angel and put him to bed. Spike and Wesley helped Angel out of the chair and onto the bed then helped him to undress. They then helped him to lay down and Connor put his legs up on the bed and put the covers on him. Okay guys you can leave now Spike and I can handle the rest. Thank you. As soon as they were gone Dr. Martin told Spike to pick Cordelia up for a second. When he picked her up she took the Lab coat off of Cordelia and unhooked the back of the hospital gown. "Okay Spike you can put her down. I won't need you anymore." She saw the disappointed look on his face. She followed him out to the hallway. "Spike, I have my teaching hat on now." Spike turned around and was able to give her a smile. "You were disappointed that I sent you out instead of letting you take care of Cordelia right?" "Yes, I just feel that I am never going to get a chance to actually have hands on work to do. It's always been just books so far. Since you have been here though I've learned and done more then I ever thought I would have the chance to do. But I have to admit that I am very disappointed in that I can't help you with Cordelia."
"Spike it has nothing to do with learning how to practice medicine. This is strictly because of the fact that you know the patient and the patient knows you. I could tell that Cordelia is very uncomfortable with you being there and I thought it would be best if I took care of her without your presence." "Why is she uncomfortable with me being there? When we were in Hawaii we played strip poker and she lost everything." "Don't forget Spike that you were all drunk, call me crazy because I am taking a wild guess here, but since you are standing here I would guess that Angel didn't have to turn you to dust for touching Cordelia between her legs." Spike started to laugh. "I see your point Dr. Martin. I'm sorry." "That's okay Spike. Maybe Buffy will let you practice on her. Why don't you go and talk to her and explain why you want to do this. We can do it tomorrow if you want. I'll tell you what kind of problem Cordelia is having and then show you on Buffy. How's that?" "Okay Doc. Thank you."
Dr. Martin went back into the room and took care of Cordelia. She cleaned her up then helped her with a night gown. When she was done with Cordelia she went and checked on Angels legs. Dr. Martin unrapped his legs and inspected them, the wounds where the bones had come through the skin was almost completely healed. The wounds were just slightly red.
"I would say that by tomorrow morning you can try standing, but do it very carefully. If Cordelia needs anything call Spike. If he can't handle it then tell him to come and get me. Before I leave for the night do you want anything like a nice tall glass of warm blood?" "Yes that sounds good." Dr. Martin went to check the refrigerator to see if their was any blood in the refrigerator. It was empty. "Angel I have to go downstairs to get some I'll be right back." Dr. Martin went downstairs to get some blood for Angel, she took the time to make a sandwich for Cordelia also. As far as she knew the last time Cordelia had eaten was 2 nights ago. By the time she returned to their room she found both Angel and Cordelia sleeping. So she put everything in the refrigerator and left. Dr. Martin went to bed also. She was hungry also but she was more tired then hungry so she opted for the bed instead. It was 10 o'clock at night before her head hit the pillow.
The next morning Dr. Martin woke up at 8 o'clock, took a shower and went downstairs. She was famished. She started the large coffee maker and by 10 a.m. everyone, except Angel and Cordelia, was coming downstairs. Everyone made their own breakfast and they were all sitting down eating. Fred had asked Dr. Martin how Angel and Cordelia was and what happened at the Doctors office. Dr. Martin was telling Fred, Connor and Gunn about what had transpired once they left on Saturday. She was in the middle of her story when they heard Cordelia let out a blood curdling scream. Everyone jumped up from their chairs when Dr. Martin told them to stop.
"Spike and Connor, do you sense anyone else in the Hotel?" They were quiet for a moment as they both concentrated. After awhile they both answered no.
"Alright then everybody sit down. This is going to happen whenever she has been sleeping. Just like it did with Angel. Angel is with her he'll call us if he needs help. Sit down and finish your breakfast." Dr. Martin picked up where she had left off in telling the rest about what had happened at Dr. Thompson's office.
When she was done with her story and her breakfast she took her dishes into the kitchen then went upstairs to check on Cordelia and Angel. When she knocked on the door Angel told her to come in.
"Good afternoon, did we have a nice sleep?" Dr. Martin noticed Cordelia had been crying again. Angel was holding her close when she came in but Cordelia straightened up as she entered.
"The sleep was good. It was the waking up part that was bad." Cordelia said as she wiped the tears away and blew her nose with a kleenex.
"Are you two hungary? Can I bring you up something or have you had something already?"
"I am starving. I want three eggs over easy, some hash browns, a slice of ham or a couple of sausages, whichever we have in the fridge, and 2 slices of wheat toast with butter and jelly. Angel can make some coffee up here."
"Anything for you Angel?" Dr. Martin asked. Angel looked at her in surprise.
"I know your starting to eat solid food more often Angel. I've seen how you pick at Cordelia's plate."
"In that case yes, I think I'll have a steak, very rare of course and wheat toast."
"Okay, now for my next question. Cordelia I can either give you a sponge bath or you can let Angel help you take a shower?" "I think I would prefer the shower." Cordelia answered.
"Okay I'll be back in about 30 minutes with the food. Angel don't let her bend over too much and leave your insides alone for now Cordelia." when Dr. Martin closed the door Angel got up from where he was sitting on the bed and went to the other side of the bed to help Cordelia up. He pulled her legs over the side of the bed and helped her to stand up. She took it very slowly and was thankful for Angels support. She was hurting all over and could barely move. They took the steps to the bathroom very slowly. When they arrived at the bathroom she leaned on the counter. "Angel could you leave me alone for a few minutes? I'll call you when I'm ready to take a shower." "Okay I'll be right out here by the door." He started to close the door as he went out. "No don't close it Angel, please, don't close it. Just sit where I can see you or hear you." "Okay Cordy I'll be right here by the door." Angel sat on the floor and leaned against the bathroom door and put his arm out where she could see it if she felt the need to. After about 10 minutes he heard the toilet flush. He could hear her standing up and removing her nightgown.
"You can come in now Angel." Angel got up from the floor and came into the bathroom. Cordelia was standing in front of the mirror naked and looking at herself. "Oh Angel, I have so many bruises and cuts on me. How can you stand to look at me? How can you stand to touch me knowing what they did to me? I feel so dirty." The tears started to fall. Angel came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.
"When I have my Vampire face on are you repulsed by it?" Cordelia turned around and put her hands on his chest. "No of course not. Most of the time I don't even notice it. All I ever see is your handsome face. All I ever see is the man I love." "How is it then that you can't understand how I could possibly love you after all that has happened?" Cordelia stood on her toes and kissed him. "We had better take a shower. Dr. Martin will be here pretty soon with our breakfast."
Angel took his clothes off and they got into the shower. The hot water felt good against her sore muscles. She wet her hair and reached for the shampoo.
"Let me do it." Angel said as he took the bottle of shampoo from her.
"I like cleaning your hair for you. It's one of the things I like doing for a woman. Both Angelus and I liked brushing Darla's hair. It was long and full like yours used to be when we first met here in L.A.. Even though your back was turned to me I heard your voice and saw your hair and I knew it was you. Let your hair grow long like Dr. Martins Cordy."
"I'll never cut it again Angel if it makes you happy."
"Turn around now and lets rinse it." Angel said as he grabbed for the liquid soap. He put a small amount in the nylon ball and made it foam up. He started to wash her as she rinsed her hair. When he was done and the last place was between her legs he gave her the nylon ball so that she could do it. As she cleaned herself he sensed the pain she was experiencing. When she rinsed the nylon ball out he could see the blood come out of it. When she rinsed herself the water was red with her blood. Angel quickly bathed and rinsed himself off. By the time he dried himself and her off he could hear Dr. Martin at the door.
"Come in Dr. Martin. Well be out in a second." Angel yelled.
"I'm just going to put the trays on the table. Have a good breakfast." Dr. Martin said as her and Fred brought in the food. They left as soon as they put the food on the table.
Cordelia and Angel came out right after they left.
"Oh that's so sweet, look what they did." Cordelia noticed how they had set the table.
Dr. Martin and Fred had put two red roses and one large white rose above the two red ones. Below the roses was two bundles of Baby's Breath. The arrangement was in a beautiful white vase.
"Lets eat before it gets cold." Angel said. He pulled the chair out for her then started the coffee. When he sat down he stopped for a moment. When he started to eat Cordelia asked him "What's wrong?" "Nothing, I was just thanking my Boss that we both survived the attack and we still have each other." He gently took her hand and kissed it. She smiled and said "Lets eat."
After breakfast Angel cleaned the dishes and they then laid down for awhile. Cordelia was tired and sore again. The hot shower had helped to relax her muscles but now she was sore again.
Angel turned the television on and brought a cup of coffee with him to the bed.
"Why did you turn the TV on?"
"Remember when I was having nightmares of being crucified?" "Yes." "Remember Dr. Martin told me to turn the TV on so that my mind would pick up the sound from whatever was playing at the time. The first time the TV was on I started to dream of my captors nailing my hands to the wood of the cross. I felt the first blow then it melted into a dream where I was cooking for you. When I opened my eyes I saw that they were selling pots and pans and cooking. The second time I started to dream of my arms being pinned down to the cross. Then it melted into a dream of where I was working out with weights. When I woke up they were selling an exercise machine." Cordelia laughed.
"It's nice to see you smile again." Angel said.
"It's nice to be able to smile again." Cordelia said. Then she lowered herself into the bed and made herself comfortable with her head on his arm.
"Angel." "Yes." "If this can happen to you and I how can we possibly protect our children?"
"Well just have to be more careful. Plus when we find out who is behind all of these attacks I'll make sure that everyone understands that attacking my family is the last thing anyone wants to do. Now go to sleep, when you wake up you can help me say the rosary. I missed yesterday so I'll have to do it twice today." "You like praying the rosary don't you." "Yes, I feel at peace during and after saying it. Angelus is quiet during that time. He says all kinds of things to me to discourage me from saying it. When I pray the rosary I can clearly see in my minds eye that Angelus is a demon, a separate entity and I am a man."
"I love you Angel." "I love you Cordy. Now go to sleep. Well go downstairs when you wake up." He gave her a kiss on her forehead and she closed her eyes and slept.
Two hours later Cordelia started to wake up. This time though she started hitting Angel as she started to come out of her dream state. Angel responded by just holding her close to his chest. She calmed down and murmured "Angel would you change the baby for me?" Then she opened her eyes and looked up at him. "What were you dreaming about?" "I was dreaming of the attack and I was beating on the Vamp that was getting on top of me. Then all of a sudden I was in the kitchen doing something and I heard a baby cry. I asked you to change the baby and then I woke up."
Angel was laughing at her. "What's so funny?" Cordelia asked. "As you started to wake up you started hitting me, then you calmed down when I grabbed your hands and held onto you. Then you said out loud 'Angel would you change the baby.' I looked at the TV and they had a baby on that was crying. It was a commercial for diapers." "Well I guess that prescription from our family physician works just fine." Cordelia said as she sat up and carefully got out of the bed. Angel jumped up and went around the bed to help her.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked her as he helped her around the bed.
"Unlike you Angel I have to relieve myself frequently throughout the day."
"So you want to go to the bathroom?"
"Yes and then I want to go downstairs." "Why downstairs?" Angel asked.
"Because I want to see everyone. Besides Buffy and Spike should be leaving tonight. I suggest you put something on and then help me to my bedroom so I can get some clothes and get dressed."
Angel left Cordelia in the bathroom and grabbed some under clothes and pants and socks and went back over where she could see him. By the time she was done he was finished dressing and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and shave. Cordelia was washing her hands and brushing her own teeth and hair at the same time that Angel was trying to shave.
"We have to modernize this bathroom Angel. It's not big enough for the two of us." Cordelia pushed him over with her hip as she said it so she could brush her teeth.
"Wow, those are powerful weapons. Don't you have to register them as lethal weapons?" He teased her. When they were done she went and sat down on the bed until Angel was done and had put his shirt on. He came over to sit by her. "Are you ready to go to your other room?" "Yes, if you would be so kind as to help your poor invalid wife I'll forgive you about that remark you made in the bathroom." "Yes my beloved. Thank you my beloved." Angel said it with a smile.
When they got to her bedroom he sat her on the bed, gathered her clothes for her and helped her dress. Cordelia went into the bathroom for a few minutes to put some makeup on. "Okay, lets go." Angel came up beside her and let her hold on to his arm. They were going so slow that Angel picked her up in his arms. "I think this will be faster." Angel said as she started to protest.
Angel took her downstairs and placed her on the couch. When everyone saw them coming downstairs they all came over. "Please everyone sit down I'm feeling a lot better now. Im sorry for all of the screaming in the morning. I think I got that beat now though. So what are you all doing?" Cordelia was nervous. She was talking just to talk and to keep anyone from asking her how she was feeling. She could feel every ones eyes on her.
Dr. Martin was at the table having a cup of hot tea. Wesley was sitting with her. They were both watching Cordelia. She noticed her eyes were constantly going from one person to the next. At every sound her eyes would search out the cause of the sound.
"Angel why don't you make a cup of hot camomile tea for Cordelia." Dr. Martin suggested. Angel looked at Cordelia. "Yes I think that will help her, but I think I'll put a little something extra in it." Angel got up and went into the kitchen which took him out of Cordelia's sight.
Dr. Martin got Wesley's attention. "Watch, Cordelia is going to start panicking when she can't see Angel for more then a few minutes." Just as Dr. Martin predicted Cordelia started to panic. When she couldn't see Angel she started to become progressively more agitated. Just as Angel started for the lobby with the cup of spiked tea he heard Cordelia calling for him. Her calls became louder until she was screaming his name. He put the cup down on the coffee table and knelt in front of her chair and held her in his arms. "I'm here Cordy I'm here."
"Where were you? I couldn't see you and I was afraid that they had you again. I couldn't fight them off of me Angel. I did everything you taught me but I couldn't make them stop. I called for you but I couldn't see you." Dr. Martin came over and sat next to Cordelia. She picked up the cup of tea and put her hand on Cordelia's shoulder.
"Cordelia drink some of this. It will help you to calm down." Cordelia reached for the cup but her hands were shaking so bad that Dr. Martin had to hold the cup for her.
"Mmmmm that's good." Cordelia said as she wiped her tears away. Her hands stopped shaking enough so that she was able to hold the cup herself. She drank some more until the cup was empty and her hands stopped shaking completely. "Can you make me another one Angel?" She handed the cup back to Angel.
"One cup of hot tea coming right up." He took the cup from her and went to the kitchen to make another cup of his special tea. Wesley had followed him into the kitchen. Angels back was to him so he couldn't see exactly what he was doing.
"It's just some Southern Comfort Wesley. Would you like a cup?"
"Yes I would love some." Wesley answered. He did want to sound to anxious but Cordelia seemed to love it so much he was curious to see what Angel was putting in it. Angel handed him a cup and took the other one to Cordy.
"Be careful Cordy it's hot." Angel said as he gave her the cup. "How are you feeling now?"
"Oh I feel a lot more relaxed now. I didn't even miss you this time." Everyone laughed at her then Cordelia grew quiet and everyone else did to.
"Sr. Mary" Cordelia said in a low tone as she stared into her cup of spiked tea and ran her finger around the rim.
Dr. Martin knew that Cordelia was addressing Sr. Mary the nun and not Dr. Martin the psychiatrist.
"Yes." She answered.
"Why are these terrible things happening to Angel and I? I know that Angel is making all of the right choices because he has been rewarded with his soul being made permanently his again. We don't have to ever worry about Angelus taking over again. So why is this being allowed to happen?" Everyone was looking at her. Waiting for her to explain why there is so much ugliness in the world and why does God allow it.
Sr. Mary stood up and started walking around her chair and leaned on the back. "Do you know why Angel? I know from the Watchers Chronicles that you tried to destroy the Senior Partners of Wolfram and Hart. What happened when you arrived at their location.
Angel took a moment to answer. He had never talked to anyone about what he had found at the end of the elevator ride. "Nothing. The elevator to hell turned out to be a round trip. The elevator took me to the same place it had picked me up at. My guide told me that there is no special place. He said that we are the creators of the senior partners. It's the evil and ugliness that we have in ourselves that make them possible."
Sr. Mary let this information sink in for a while. It was a disturbing truth that no one wants to see in the light of day. The majority of the human race always wants to blame someone else for what happens to them. A large portion of the time they lay the blame on God.
"God gives us all free choice Cordelia. He does not make us do things. If He was to make all of our choices for us then we would all be like robots, because all of our thoughts and actions would be controlled. Gods prime directive for Himself and all of His Angels are that they can not control our thoughts or actions. They can make suggestions or cause things to happen that will influence us, but they cannot control us, they cannot make us do anything. He has made it His primary rule that we must have free will. Since we humans are a stubborn lot and we don't take advice very well we often chose the wrong path. We often take the road that is easily traveled and paved with gold. Let me put it in a scenario that we are all familiar with. Before Angel was turned he worked on his fathers farm and helped him to provide a comfortable living for his family. At night though he liked drinking and fighting and having a romp in the hay with the local girls." Gunn smiled at Angel and said "That's my man, love them and leave them."
"Now what just happened between Gunn and Angel is a good example. Let me ask you a question Angel, in the 1700's what did people think of women that provided, lets say services to men? Or were just free with their gifts. You were a handsome young man. You must have had a lot of young girls willing to share your bed." Once again she saw Gunn and Wesley smiling at Angel.
Angel didn't look at Sr. Mary he couldn't say what he had to and still look at her. "Yes, I had someone to share a bed with every night that I was in town. I was usually so tired from my previous nights activities that I had a hard time working on the farm the next day. Girls like that though were never taken as wives. We had fun with them but we did not take them home to the family."
"So young men made a conscious choice to use these girls to get what they wanted and never cared for the girls. They never cared or gave them a second thought as to whether the girls were left with a baby. In other words young men in the 1700's did exactly as they do now. They didn't care about the consequences of their actions they just wanted sex with a woman and that was the only thing on their mind."
"Yes that's pretty much it." Angel said.
"So here we have a primary example of free will and how people create hell on earth. The day Angel was turned into a Vampire he had, had an argument with his father because he had been out the previous night and was having a hard time helping his father the next morning. Why did he have to help his father on the farm, because it was how the men provided a living for themselves and the women in the family. If they didn't work hard everyday to keep up with the chores that had to be done each day then the family farm would fail and everyone would suffer for it. If his father wasn't around to help him then Angel had to do twice the amount of work that he normally did. If Angel wasn't around to help his father then he had twice the amount of work. But did Angel think about that when he wanted to go into town to have fun. No he didn't, and where did that conscious choice lead him? It lead him to Darla. Since Angel most likely thought he was going to have a bed for the night he followed Darla into the alley and we all know what happened after that. Angel knew what he was doing at all times. He made a conscious choice to do what he did even though every thing he had been taught said it was wrong. When we make bad choices it usually has a domino effect.
Angel, in all the time since you were given your soul back did you blame anyone for your circumstances?"
"Yes, I did like every one else does. I blamed God for everything and I blamed Darla for killing me so that Angelus could take up residence. But also over the years I've come to realize and understand that like you said it was all my own fault and no one was to blame but me."
"What about what is happening now?" Dr. Martin asked.
"I don't know. All I can think about is finding out who is doing this."
"Do you think you have benefitted in anyway from these things that have happened to you?"
"I wouldn't say benefitted but I have learned a lot and I contribute most of that to you and not from when I was crucified and Cordelia and I were attacked." Angel said.
"Remember when I said that God takes bad things sometimes and uses it to teach us lessons?"
"Yes." Angel answered.
"Angel each time that something happened to you I knew that something big was going to happen but I didn't know what. I was guided by St. Michael as to how to use it to help you. You may not realize it yet but your biggest benefit is that you came back to God and the Catholic Church. I don't know if you are aware of it but 3 other people came back as well. So I guess you could say that He got 4 for the price of 1 because 4 people benefitted from what happened to you.
Can everyone understand this. It is never Gods fault that bad things happen to us. It is our own fault because we make bad choices. We create this hell and only we are responsible for this hell that we create and live in. This group was drawn together though so that you could help those that are being hurt by other peoples bad choices. Angel is your leader. Your leader has a lot to learn and because he has a thick skull God has had a hard time getting him to learn to do the right thing." Everyone cracked up at the truth of her words. Angel was smiling but he didn't think it was that funny.
"Come on now, I'm not that bad. I don't think I'm any worse then Wesley or Gunn and I'm certainly not as bad as Spike." Angel had stood up and was walking over to the kitchen to warm up some blood for himself. "Hey Spike you want a glass of O Pos." "Yeah, that sounds good. How about a little chili powder also." Spike answered.
When Angel came back in he gave Spike his glass and took his seat again. "I'm not that bad am I Cordy?" "I'll take the 5th on that if you don't mind." Cordelia answered.
"Okay, okay I admit it I do think that my way is best, but that's only because I've lived a lot longer and by now I know from experience the best way to do things." Angel said with a rather smug expression.
"You must admit also Angel that their have been times when your decisions didn't turn out to well and one or all of us suggested that we should handle it differently. I believe that would fall under Dr. Martins category of 'stubborn and thick skull.'" Wesley said.
"Yeah and Buffy seems to share those traits also but she doesn't use the excuse that she has lived longer then anyone else, she just says 'I'm the Slayer of course I know better.' Then she usually just socked me in the nose if I argued with her anymore." Spike said. He had a poor me look on his face.
"Did you really do that Buffy?" Dr. Martin asked. Everyone was looking at Buffy. She felt very uncomfortable being the center of attention in this group and under these circumstances.
"Yes I did, but I told you that I would never do that again Spike. I told you that I was sorry. I guess I did it just because I could." Buffy said. Her eyes started to tear up and she was nervously playing with a pillow. If she played with it any harder though she would start to tear it up.
"Why were you so physically abusive of Spike Buffy? You were having sex with him so you obviously didn't really hate him." Dr. Martin asked.
"I did the same thing with Spike as I did with Angel. It was probably the reason why my relationship with Angel failed and he left me. I was carrying on a war with my conscience. All of my training told me that I should just kill Angel. He was a Vampire and all vampires are evil and should be staked. But something drew me to him. I don't know if I ever really loved him or if it was a young girls infatuation with an older man. He was someone I could talk shop to and he helped me a lot. His ideals were very much like mine and he most definitely was a handsome man. The first thing that went through my teenage mind was that 'when the other girls see him they'll be green with envy, especially Cordelia'. When I found out that he was a Vampire my heart almost broke. Everything that Giles was teaching me told me to stake him on the spot but I just couldn't do it. I told myself that he had a soul and that he was different from other Vampires. I did the same thing with Spike. I constantly questioned myself on why I wanted to be with him. Why did I like having sex with him." Buffy turned now and looked directly at Spike.
"Spike somehow I knew from the very beginning that we were destined to be together. Do you remember the first time we met?"
"Yes, I had the idea of putting another Slayer notch on my belt and I came after you with a bunch of vampires that I had picked up someplace and we went to the school event that was taking place that night. We saw each other for the first time in the hallway. I probably would of taken you at that time but I was fighting Angel also." Spiked stopped and looked into Buffy's eyes. "I would have fought you and I might have killed you if it hadn't been for that same voice that was talking to me also. At the time I thought it was some insane demon telling me that you and I were destined to be together. For that reason and for that reason only I chose to leave. I could have fought you at any time Buffy, and since I had killed 4 previous Slayers I think that their was a better then 50/50 chance that I would have won.
Buffy you have been like an itch that I couldn't scratch. When Angel left Sunnydale that itch got worse and I just couldn't scratch it enough until the day we had sex for the first time and almost brought the whole building down around us. Dam girl that was good. Sometimes I regret the fact that Angel broke you in for the first time but then other times I don't think it would have been so good if he hadn't done it. Buffy I loved you so much that I went through hell and came as close as I ever have to turning to dust. You can beat me all you want and I'll never leave you or raise my hand to you ever again to defend myself. Because all I'll be thinking of is how bad you'll feel about it and how you are going to say your sorry."
Everyone was quiet. You could of heard a pin drop. Dr. Martin looked at Angel and Buffy. Buffy looked like she was going to jump on Spike any moment now. Her tears stopped when Spike started talking then started again when he talked about what he went through when he got his soul back. Dr. Martin had walked into the kitchen to get a cup of tea. She also poured some Southern Comfort with lots of ice for Spike. When she walked back in Spike was just finishing. She walked up behind Buffy and whispered something in her ear and gave her the glass for her to give to Spike. Buffy jumped up and went to sit in Spikes lap and give him the drink. Buffy slid on to his lap very carefully. "I love you Spike." Buffy kissed him over and over again.
"Get a room you two." Gunn said. "Yes and lets not try bringing the hotel down around on us please. You two sure make a lot of noise when your going at it." Wesley added. "What are you going to do when you go home Buffy. Don't forget that Dawn will be their." Cordelia added her two cents in as well.
"Now that you have all that money that Angel gave you, you can have your basement redone into a bedroom or a little studio apartment. You can tell Dawn that your doing it because Spike and you want more privacy, and if they give you any problems about it then blame it all on Spike because he's the man of the house now and what he says goes. Of course we women know that, that statement is just something we use to make the men feel good but it's usually accepted and your in the clear." Dr. Martin said.
"That's a good idea Dr. Martin. I think well do just that. By the way do you have any business cards or an E-Mail address that we can contact you if any of us are having problems with the men in our lives? You seem to be a well of knowledge as to how to handle them when they're being a pain in the but." Buffy said.
"Well I am a psychiatrist and I was married to a man for four years and if I can't come up with a fix for your problem I can ask some of the other sisters that were married before they went into the convent. So you might as well give it up men because we women outnumber you. So instead of even starting an argument just learn to say 'Yes dear, your right dear, I am sorry I said or did it and what can I do to make it up to you? Oh and it might be a good idea to have an ongoing account at the local flower shop." Dr. Martin said as she was laughing. She was having fun today. It wasn't all psychiatry like it usually is. She was actually relaxed. She thought she should get back to business though, it was important that she deal with this problem Angel was having with reconciling himself with the problem of Drusilla. She wished she didn't have to though because it looked so nice outside today. The sky over Los Angeles was clear for once and she had gone up to room 412 so that she could see the mountains. It had rained the previous night and the temperature had dipped into the 40's which meant that it snowed in the mountains. It was a beautiful sight to behold. Wesley had told her that when it snows in the mountains over Pasadena a lot of times people would just stop on the side of the 605 freeway and take pictures because the snow line could be clearly seen.
"Angel I want to talk Angelus. I think he is the one that is causing you to have a problem with reconciling with yourself about Drusilla. I think we can take care of this problem real fast. I would also like to ask Fr. Barris to come over and meet Angelus. I want him to know what you have to deal with all of the time. Is that okay with you?" Dr. Martin asked.
"Why are you asking me now? You never did before."
"I am asking you now because for all intensive purposes we are done. I've completed my mission that St. Michael sent me here for. If I was to leave without addressing this problem then eventually you would work it out. Do you want to do this?" Dr. Martin asked.
"What do you think Cordy. Your not exactly up to par and we both know how emotionally draining this is."
"Lets do this now Angel. We all learn from these encounters with Angelus." Cordelia said.
Angel kissed Cordelia's hand and turned to Dr. Martin. "Okay, lets do it."
Dr. Martin got up and went into Angels office to call Fr. Barris. She was back in 10 minutes. "Fr. Barris will be here in about 20 minutes. If anyone wants to take a break now is the time. Angel would you take Cordelia into the big kitchen and put her on the counter so I can check her out."
Angel helped Cordelia to get up and walk into the kitchen and then lifted her up onto the counter. Dr. Martin went to wash her hands and put some gloves on. "Angel help Cordelia to take her blouse off please then lay her down." By the time Dr. Martin had the gloves on Cordelia had taken her blouse off and was lying down. She examined all of the cuts and bruises then unzipped the front of her pants and checked the stitches. They were red from the top of her pants rubbing against them but otherwise it was okay. "Any soreness around the stitches Cordelia?"
"Yes but only when I try moving." "That's to be expected. As the days go by it will get better, just make sure that you get up for a little longer each day and do some walking. Are you still bleeding a lot?" "Not as much as I was last night." "How many pads did you use?" "Four last night and I had to change them twice this morning." "Any pain?" "Yes, this morning I was having a lot of pain and I took 2 of the pills you gave me." "Any thick clots of blood come out after that?" "Yes, when I saw it I knew what had happened. As soon as I passed it though I felt a lot better."
"Okay ladies. This is an area that I'm not to familiar with. Ladies didn't talk about such things in mixed company back in the 1700's. The whole thing about procreation was very mysterious to us men. Since Darla was technically dead I didn't have to deal with it or listen to anything like this so please explain to this dumb male Vampire what you are talking about."
Cordelia and Dr. Martin were smiling and trying to hide it. She never gave it a moments thought that Angel might not understand what a women goes through every month or when she was pregnant.
"Angel, Cordelia was pregnant and had a miscarriage." She was surprised at the look on Angels face when she said that. She could actually see the anger growing in him.
"Angel try not to take this in a bad way. Don't forget what we talked about before we went in to see Cordelia at Dr. Thompson's offices."
When he heard Dr. Martin say that he immediately tried to get control of himself.
"Cordelia will be fine Angel. Basically she is a healthy young woman. There is no reason why she can't get pregnant again." Dr. Martin said. She was trying to get Angel to calm down. His usual mannerism when he was mad was going to have a negative impact on Cordelia.
"Just answer one question for me. Was the miscarriage the result of the attack? Yes or no."
"I would say it was a good possibility." Cordelia put her hand on his arm. He turned and looked at her.
"Angel." He was fighting to control his anger instead of his anger controlling him.
"Angel are you mad at me for losing the baby?" She asked with tears in her eyes.
"Oh Cordy, please don't ever think that. We didn't do anything wrong for those guys to attack us. So how could you think that I would blame you. Besides Spike told me that women frequently have miscarriages within the first couple of weeks and they don't even know it."
"What were you talking to Spike about these things for?" Cordelia asked as she wiped her tears away.
"I was telling the truth when I said I knew very little about such things. For over 230 some years I didn't think I could father any children. So why would I need to read about anything to do with them. When we were on our honeymoon and I wore you out and you went to Buffys. Spike and I stayed up all night and he was teaching me all about women, what happens when we have sex, and what happens when my boys meet up with your girls. I learned for the first time in my life exactly what happens to a women when their pregnant. He also said that he thinks, but he isn't sure, that we will feel everything that you and Buffy feel when you and her get pregnant."
"You mean that when I have morning sickness that you'll feel it to?" "Yes." "And all of the hormone ups and downs?" "Yes. Think about it Cordy. How were you feeling last week Friday. I know you were on a high when we got home. Then Friday evening I think you were down and I was picking up on it. That's why I jumped on Spike and Buffy and felt like I just had to get out of here and away from everyone but you. I couldn't stand to hear anyone. All I wanted was the quiet of the ocean waves beating against the sand." Cordelia looked at Angel and reached out for him. He went into her arms and she hugged him. "My poor baby." Cordelia said as she hugged him. Cordelia was looking over Angels shoulder and smiling at Dr. Martin.
"You people will never cease to amaze me." Dr. Martin said.
"Why's that?" Angel said as he let go of Cordelia.
"Here you are at over 250 years of age and your childe is telling his sire about the Birds and the Bees."
"It wasn't exactly like that. I knew where baby's come from I just didn't know very much about what happens to women every month and what happens to them when their pregnant."
"Why didn't you ask me?" Dr. Martin asked. "Or me?" Cordelia said.
"I was too embarrassed I guess to admit that I didn't know anything about women where their ability to create life was concerned. After all I'm supposed to be the great lover that is supposed to know all about women. If I had asked either one of you I might have burst your bubble."
Cordelia and Dr. Martin tried not to laugh in front of Angel.
"I for one can say all of my bubbles are intact Angel." Dr. Martin said.
"Why don't you go back into the lobby and I'll be out there in a minute. Fr. Barris is probably here by now."
Angel helped Cordelia to put her blouse back on and then to get down from the counter. Dr. Martin went to get a couple of syringes and something to make Angel sleep. She then went back to the lobby and prepared herself mentally to deal with Angelus.
TBC............................