There was only so much silence Faith could take, and since she was still out of breath that left the radio. The piece of shit car had no antenna, so no decent stations came in, assuming there were even any out here to begin with. The only thing that came in was a local talk radio station. Some Limbaugh-wannabe was on air, spewing about how the government had done nothing to protect "normal citizens" against this new threat, and the rising of demons and super-powered girls was clearly a sign of the second coming. Faith snorted and turned off the radio. Silence was better than listening to that shit.
"We're like the X-Men," Andrew said beside her. "Fighting to protect a world that hates and fears us."
Faith had to smile at that. That almost sounded like the old Andrew-the self-proclaimed geek who had maintained his enthusiasm and optimism despite what he had done and seen. "Guess so."
"But they really have no idea, do they? How often the world has almost ended."
Faith shook her head. "They don't know. They don't wanna know."
Andrew nodded. "I guess they don't."
They spent the rest of the ride in silence and Faith soon found herself drifting off. She didn't even notice when Andrew turned down the dirt road and pulled up to the abandoned hovel that they were currently using as their hideout. He shook her shoulder, and she got out of the car with a groan. Sitting still after hours of running had only made her legs ache more, which really should not have been humanly possible. Andrew reached in the seat behind her and pulled out a bag of groceries-if you could call a selection of chips and snack cakes "groceries".
"Dinner, huh?" Faith asked.
Andrew nodded. "It's not much, I know. There isn't much around here and I didn't want to leave him alone for long," he apologized.
"Shit, Andrew. After the day I've had, I'd even eat Xander's cooking."
She had intended it to be nothing more than a little quip to lighten the moment, but at the mention of the other boy's name, Andrew's face saddened.
"Harris not holding up too well, is he?" Faith asked.
Andrew shook his head. "He hardly eats anymore. It's Anya, you know. I mean, the eye and Willow and Abigail and everything else have him down too, but I think it's mainly Anya that did it. He feels responsible. He tried to act like it didn't matter right after the fight, like he was okay with it. That his girl did well. But he couldn't lie to himself forever. I was the one who was with her. I was the one who didn't guard her back." He turned and looked at Faith with an expression of utter heartbreak and guilt that the Slayer would never have guessed he was feeling before this conversation. "In the end, I was useless. She may have survived if she weren't looking out for me."
Faith stared at the young man silently for a moment. She knew she could have told him that it wasn't his fault, that he did his best, and that hindsight was 20/20, but she knew it wouldn't matter. Someone had probably told him these things already, but it wouldn't change how he felt. She knew, because she felt the same way. Not about Anya, but about the girls who had died in the explosion and in the battle that followed. People could tell you forever that you had done your best, but that sometimes just didn't help.
Andrew knocked on the door in the pattern they had invented, said the password, and Harris opened the door. Faith had to admit Xander really did look pretty pathetic. He had taken even less care with his hair and ratty clothing than he normally did in happier times, and the eye that he still had was always filled with sadness. Andrew was talking to him, asking if any of the others had returned (they hadn't), trying to coax him to eat. Faith noticed that Andrew kept touching Xander a lot more than was strictly necessary. She wondered if there was something going on there. Everyone knew Andrew was gay. He couldn't have been much more obvious if he tried. She wondered if Xander even noticed the way Andrew was touching him, oh so carefully and gently, brushing lanky bangs out of Xander's face and stroking his arm, trying to coax him to eat, or the way Andrew smiled with such fondness when the elder man finally gave in and shoved a pack of Ho Hos down his throat.
Actually, Faith doubted Harris noticed. He didn't seem to notice much of anything past his own unhappiness.
With a sigh, Faith helped herself to a bag of cheese puffs and flopped onto the dilapidated sofa. Andrew and Xander didn't seem to want to ask if her mission had been successful, and since it hadn't, she wasn't going to bring it up. It wasn't her fault that the relic Willow wanted had already been found by Abbey's men, and she was too tired to really think about it now.
She had drifted into a daze when she heard the familiar pattern of knocking on the door. Xander and Andrew had gone back into the kitchen, so she figured she'd better answer it, even though the idea of walking was not one she relished.
"Password?"
"Dumbledore," Dawn's voice responded. Faith thought maybe it was time to let someone other than Andrew choose the passwords.
"Fine. Just a sec."
With a groan, Faith moved the chair Xander had shoved up under the door handle away and opened it. When she saw who was standing on the other side, she dropped her cheese puffs on the floor.
"Hello, Pet."
"You...you're dead!" Faith said, staring at the bleached blonde vampire in shock.
Dawn looked very pleased with herself. "Looky who I found!"
"We're like the X-Men," Andrew said beside her. "Fighting to protect a world that hates and fears us."
Faith had to smile at that. That almost sounded like the old Andrew-the self-proclaimed geek who had maintained his enthusiasm and optimism despite what he had done and seen. "Guess so."
"But they really have no idea, do they? How often the world has almost ended."
Faith shook her head. "They don't know. They don't wanna know."
Andrew nodded. "I guess they don't."
They spent the rest of the ride in silence and Faith soon found herself drifting off. She didn't even notice when Andrew turned down the dirt road and pulled up to the abandoned hovel that they were currently using as their hideout. He shook her shoulder, and she got out of the car with a groan. Sitting still after hours of running had only made her legs ache more, which really should not have been humanly possible. Andrew reached in the seat behind her and pulled out a bag of groceries-if you could call a selection of chips and snack cakes "groceries".
"Dinner, huh?" Faith asked.
Andrew nodded. "It's not much, I know. There isn't much around here and I didn't want to leave him alone for long," he apologized.
"Shit, Andrew. After the day I've had, I'd even eat Xander's cooking."
She had intended it to be nothing more than a little quip to lighten the moment, but at the mention of the other boy's name, Andrew's face saddened.
"Harris not holding up too well, is he?" Faith asked.
Andrew shook his head. "He hardly eats anymore. It's Anya, you know. I mean, the eye and Willow and Abigail and everything else have him down too, but I think it's mainly Anya that did it. He feels responsible. He tried to act like it didn't matter right after the fight, like he was okay with it. That his girl did well. But he couldn't lie to himself forever. I was the one who was with her. I was the one who didn't guard her back." He turned and looked at Faith with an expression of utter heartbreak and guilt that the Slayer would never have guessed he was feeling before this conversation. "In the end, I was useless. She may have survived if she weren't looking out for me."
Faith stared at the young man silently for a moment. She knew she could have told him that it wasn't his fault, that he did his best, and that hindsight was 20/20, but she knew it wouldn't matter. Someone had probably told him these things already, but it wouldn't change how he felt. She knew, because she felt the same way. Not about Anya, but about the girls who had died in the explosion and in the battle that followed. People could tell you forever that you had done your best, but that sometimes just didn't help.
Andrew knocked on the door in the pattern they had invented, said the password, and Harris opened the door. Faith had to admit Xander really did look pretty pathetic. He had taken even less care with his hair and ratty clothing than he normally did in happier times, and the eye that he still had was always filled with sadness. Andrew was talking to him, asking if any of the others had returned (they hadn't), trying to coax him to eat. Faith noticed that Andrew kept touching Xander a lot more than was strictly necessary. She wondered if there was something going on there. Everyone knew Andrew was gay. He couldn't have been much more obvious if he tried. She wondered if Xander even noticed the way Andrew was touching him, oh so carefully and gently, brushing lanky bangs out of Xander's face and stroking his arm, trying to coax him to eat, or the way Andrew smiled with such fondness when the elder man finally gave in and shoved a pack of Ho Hos down his throat.
Actually, Faith doubted Harris noticed. He didn't seem to notice much of anything past his own unhappiness.
With a sigh, Faith helped herself to a bag of cheese puffs and flopped onto the dilapidated sofa. Andrew and Xander didn't seem to want to ask if her mission had been successful, and since it hadn't, she wasn't going to bring it up. It wasn't her fault that the relic Willow wanted had already been found by Abbey's men, and she was too tired to really think about it now.
She had drifted into a daze when she heard the familiar pattern of knocking on the door. Xander and Andrew had gone back into the kitchen, so she figured she'd better answer it, even though the idea of walking was not one she relished.
"Password?"
"Dumbledore," Dawn's voice responded. Faith thought maybe it was time to let someone other than Andrew choose the passwords.
"Fine. Just a sec."
With a groan, Faith moved the chair Xander had shoved up under the door handle away and opened it. When she saw who was standing on the other side, she dropped her cheese puffs on the floor.
"Hello, Pet."
"You...you're dead!" Faith said, staring at the bleached blonde vampire in shock.
Dawn looked very pleased with herself. "Looky who I found!"