::Author's note: Since I can't seem to get the italics to work when I upload documents to fanfiction.net, I will be using single quotes to indicate thought. ^_^::
Having Spike back was a godsend, and Faith knew it was not just the vampire's fighting abilities that made it so. Spike's re-emergence after everyone thought he was dead seemed to have ignited a sense of hope in their ragtag little gang. It was the first positive thing to happen since Angel first told Faith about The First all those endless months ago. Just having something, anything, go their way for once made her feel better.
'Maybe the whole world isn't a cosmic joke and fate isn't out to fuck me up the ass.'
Even beyond that, Spike was making a real effort to act like his old self, lightening the mood with a sarcastic comment here and there, often at his own expense or playfully at the expense of others. They had been sorely lacking in humor for some time. The vampire's jokes were damned refreshing.
Plus, let's face it-Spike was wicked easy on the eyes.
There had been no word from Giles, Willow, or Buffy in weeks. No one knew where they were or even if they were okay. In a way, the not knowing was worse than if they knew for sure something was wrong. It was that horrible sense of hope when you knew you had a really good chance of being disappointed that was driving them all insane. Given Spike's continued addiction to B's charms, Faith was surprised he hadn't run off on his own. She supposed it was Dawn that kept him here. The way to the Slayer's heart was through protecting her kid sister, or so she imaged Spike thought. It was kind of pathetic, really. From all Faith could see, B had treated the bleached blonde with even less consideration than Faith herself treated her own boy toys. Faith didn't get it, and she thought it was sad. At least Faith never pretended to care about her castoffs.
The bottom line was, if they didn't hear something soon, Faith knew they'd have to move on their own, and to hell with her promise to Buffy that they'd stay put in this abandoned shithole until she and Red returned. The last thing Faith wanted was for half-pint to finally convince Spike that her sister needed saving and for the two of them to disappear in the middle of the night. No way. She did not need that at all.
And wasn't it just typical of Faith's luck in life that right when she finally decided they would need to move, that bitch called fate stepped in and took the choice from her?
Faith didn't know how Abbey's army found them in their abandoned little shack in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't like it really mattered anyway. The point was, they were screwed and never stood a chance.
The feeling of all that unbridled Slayer power crackling in the dark was one of the most unnerving things Faith had ever experienced in her already unsettled life. She was flipping through some cheesy beauty magazine that Andrew bought when the sensation of the power hit her like an electric shock. She dropped the forgotten magazine on the floor and rose quickly to her feet. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who could sense the sudden tension in the air because Spike was suddenly beside her, gazing at the moth-eaten curtains on the living room window with an expression of bleak resignation. "There's something out there," he said softly.
"Yeah," Faith said with a frown. She had never been more grateful for Spike's presence than she did at that moment. "I feel it too."
* * * *
This was getting ridiculous, Andrew thought. It wasn't as though life in this hellhole weren't bleak enough without adding this new tension to the situation. It was one kiss! Just one! No reason to go avoiding Xander for the rest of their time here because of it. Besides, it was entirely possible that Xander was too dead inside to fully comprehend what happened. It was a tiny shack they lived in and it wasn't like either of them left very often. The only other people there besides the two of them were Spike, Faith, and Dawn, so it was getting pretty darn complicated trying to stay out of Xander's sight.
'We're both mature adults here. I'm sure we can handle this like reasonable people.'
Besides, it wasn't just the tension and avoiding Andrew couldn't handle. It was the loneliness.
It was surprising just how much he missed talking to Xander. None of the others seemed to really notice either of them, and even if they did, Andrew didn't have much in common with any of them. He felt like the two of them were connected somehow-like Luke and Leia.
'Somehow I've always known... Incest! Bad metaphor! Bad!'
Okay, maybe it was more like a lifebond, like in those Mercedes Lackey novels...
'Getting off track here.'
Then again, didn't all lifebonded feel like their heart had been ripped out until that one shiny moment when they found their partner and realized they were fated to be together? And wouldn't Xander look so lovely in that white uniform, riding on his proud white steed? Andrew could even be the steed...
'Ewww! Horses and men! Focus, Andrew. Focus!!!'
Whatever the reason, Andrew felt a connection to Xander and missed him terribly. He missed their talks, and their shared bond of being a couple of relatively unremarkable guys surrounded by remarkable people. He missed the tenor of Xander's voice and the width of his smile, even if that smile was always strained now. Even a forced smile was better than nothing.
The shocked and panicked look on Xander's face when Andrew had kissed him still festered in the younger man's heart and haunted his dreams. It cut even deeper than Andrew could have imagined. Of course, what had expected? Xander had come within a hair of marrying Anya, and his appreciation of the female form was spoken loud and often in happier days in the past. If Andrew could turn back time, he would have taken the kiss back. The price for it was entirely too high.
Gathering his resolve, Andrew forced his resisting feet to walk toward the glorified closet that Xander was using as a bedroom. His stomach was twisting and churning, but he made himself rap on the door.
'Play it cool and casual, like Timothy Dalton. Play it cool and casual, like Dalton's James Bond, not over-the-top like Myers' Austin Powers. Yeah. I'm calm like Bond-never cracking under pressure. We're adults. I can handle this.'
Andrew heard Xander shuffling on the other side of the door. In a few moments, the door opened and the brunette was standing there, looking for all the world like a caged and one-eyed bunny rabbit. "Uh...Andrew." Long pause. "Hi."
The door was barely cracked enough for Andrew to see more than Xander's fingers leaning against the frame, his eye and a little bit of disheveled brown hair. 'Oh, god, I'm gonna puke. I wonder if this is how Harry felt before that first Quidditch match?' "Hi... Can I come in?"
Xander looked positively horrified. "Sure," he said, his voice flat from an obvious attempt at sounding calm.
Andrew stood awkwardly for several moments in front of the still barely cracked door before speaking. "Umm...well, for me to come in, you kind of have to let me open the door."
Xander stared at the other man for a moment as if lost in comprehension before finally nodding and backing away from the door.
Every instinct in Andrew's body was telling him to just go away, to turn tail and run, but he managed to force himself to walk into the room.
"Look, Andrew..."
"No, please let me speak," Andrew said, holding up at hand. Now that his mouth was working, the words were flowing like water breaking a dam. "Listen, I want to apologize for making you uncomfortable. I promise it won't happen again. It's clear you don't feel that way about me..."
"Andrew..."
"No, little one. Let me finish. I guess there's no point in lying about it now. I like you. You know that. You don't like me. I know that now too. You're the forbidden fruit. It's like you're Aragorn and I'm Eowyn...well only if Eowyn was a guy. Your heart belongs to someone else and I can't compete."
"Andrew..."
"I can handle all of that. What I can't handle is not being able to talk to you. I miss you and I worry about you. I can't be this close to you, facing life or death at any time and not be able to talk like we used to. I can't go back. I can't change the past. But we do have the power to change the future."
"Andrew," Xander said, a little more firmly. "Listen...it's just...I don't...I can't..." Xander paused in mid stutter, his expression changing from discomfort to fear as he stared out of the window behind Andrew's head. "What is that?"
"What?" Andrew was barely able to turn around before a strange girl broke through the cracking plaster wall. Another followed, and more still, and the world dissolved into chaos.
::Author's notes::
I'd again like to thank my kid sister and my buddy Cliia for the continued feedback and support for both of my stories. You're both the best. ^_^
I will do my best to update ASAP since I ended on a cliffhanger, but will probably need to write another chapter for my other story first, so I can't promise how soon it will be.
Feedback response:
bsktballchik: Thanks again for your support and keep on writing yourself! My dislike of Buffy herself has a lot to do with why she hasn't appeared in the story to date.
Schiavona: Well, I'm sorry you don't like that I am slashing Xander and Andrew, but I feel the need to point out that I did put a slash warning on the story description. If that's enough to make you stop reading, so be it.
Having Spike back was a godsend, and Faith knew it was not just the vampire's fighting abilities that made it so. Spike's re-emergence after everyone thought he was dead seemed to have ignited a sense of hope in their ragtag little gang. It was the first positive thing to happen since Angel first told Faith about The First all those endless months ago. Just having something, anything, go their way for once made her feel better.
'Maybe the whole world isn't a cosmic joke and fate isn't out to fuck me up the ass.'
Even beyond that, Spike was making a real effort to act like his old self, lightening the mood with a sarcastic comment here and there, often at his own expense or playfully at the expense of others. They had been sorely lacking in humor for some time. The vampire's jokes were damned refreshing.
Plus, let's face it-Spike was wicked easy on the eyes.
There had been no word from Giles, Willow, or Buffy in weeks. No one knew where they were or even if they were okay. In a way, the not knowing was worse than if they knew for sure something was wrong. It was that horrible sense of hope when you knew you had a really good chance of being disappointed that was driving them all insane. Given Spike's continued addiction to B's charms, Faith was surprised he hadn't run off on his own. She supposed it was Dawn that kept him here. The way to the Slayer's heart was through protecting her kid sister, or so she imaged Spike thought. It was kind of pathetic, really. From all Faith could see, B had treated the bleached blonde with even less consideration than Faith herself treated her own boy toys. Faith didn't get it, and she thought it was sad. At least Faith never pretended to care about her castoffs.
The bottom line was, if they didn't hear something soon, Faith knew they'd have to move on their own, and to hell with her promise to Buffy that they'd stay put in this abandoned shithole until she and Red returned. The last thing Faith wanted was for half-pint to finally convince Spike that her sister needed saving and for the two of them to disappear in the middle of the night. No way. She did not need that at all.
And wasn't it just typical of Faith's luck in life that right when she finally decided they would need to move, that bitch called fate stepped in and took the choice from her?
Faith didn't know how Abbey's army found them in their abandoned little shack in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't like it really mattered anyway. The point was, they were screwed and never stood a chance.
The feeling of all that unbridled Slayer power crackling in the dark was one of the most unnerving things Faith had ever experienced in her already unsettled life. She was flipping through some cheesy beauty magazine that Andrew bought when the sensation of the power hit her like an electric shock. She dropped the forgotten magazine on the floor and rose quickly to her feet. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who could sense the sudden tension in the air because Spike was suddenly beside her, gazing at the moth-eaten curtains on the living room window with an expression of bleak resignation. "There's something out there," he said softly.
"Yeah," Faith said with a frown. She had never been more grateful for Spike's presence than she did at that moment. "I feel it too."
* * * *
This was getting ridiculous, Andrew thought. It wasn't as though life in this hellhole weren't bleak enough without adding this new tension to the situation. It was one kiss! Just one! No reason to go avoiding Xander for the rest of their time here because of it. Besides, it was entirely possible that Xander was too dead inside to fully comprehend what happened. It was a tiny shack they lived in and it wasn't like either of them left very often. The only other people there besides the two of them were Spike, Faith, and Dawn, so it was getting pretty darn complicated trying to stay out of Xander's sight.
'We're both mature adults here. I'm sure we can handle this like reasonable people.'
Besides, it wasn't just the tension and avoiding Andrew couldn't handle. It was the loneliness.
It was surprising just how much he missed talking to Xander. None of the others seemed to really notice either of them, and even if they did, Andrew didn't have much in common with any of them. He felt like the two of them were connected somehow-like Luke and Leia.
'Somehow I've always known... Incest! Bad metaphor! Bad!'
Okay, maybe it was more like a lifebond, like in those Mercedes Lackey novels...
'Getting off track here.'
Then again, didn't all lifebonded feel like their heart had been ripped out until that one shiny moment when they found their partner and realized they were fated to be together? And wouldn't Xander look so lovely in that white uniform, riding on his proud white steed? Andrew could even be the steed...
'Ewww! Horses and men! Focus, Andrew. Focus!!!'
Whatever the reason, Andrew felt a connection to Xander and missed him terribly. He missed their talks, and their shared bond of being a couple of relatively unremarkable guys surrounded by remarkable people. He missed the tenor of Xander's voice and the width of his smile, even if that smile was always strained now. Even a forced smile was better than nothing.
The shocked and panicked look on Xander's face when Andrew had kissed him still festered in the younger man's heart and haunted his dreams. It cut even deeper than Andrew could have imagined. Of course, what had expected? Xander had come within a hair of marrying Anya, and his appreciation of the female form was spoken loud and often in happier days in the past. If Andrew could turn back time, he would have taken the kiss back. The price for it was entirely too high.
Gathering his resolve, Andrew forced his resisting feet to walk toward the glorified closet that Xander was using as a bedroom. His stomach was twisting and churning, but he made himself rap on the door.
'Play it cool and casual, like Timothy Dalton. Play it cool and casual, like Dalton's James Bond, not over-the-top like Myers' Austin Powers. Yeah. I'm calm like Bond-never cracking under pressure. We're adults. I can handle this.'
Andrew heard Xander shuffling on the other side of the door. In a few moments, the door opened and the brunette was standing there, looking for all the world like a caged and one-eyed bunny rabbit. "Uh...Andrew." Long pause. "Hi."
The door was barely cracked enough for Andrew to see more than Xander's fingers leaning against the frame, his eye and a little bit of disheveled brown hair. 'Oh, god, I'm gonna puke. I wonder if this is how Harry felt before that first Quidditch match?' "Hi... Can I come in?"
Xander looked positively horrified. "Sure," he said, his voice flat from an obvious attempt at sounding calm.
Andrew stood awkwardly for several moments in front of the still barely cracked door before speaking. "Umm...well, for me to come in, you kind of have to let me open the door."
Xander stared at the other man for a moment as if lost in comprehension before finally nodding and backing away from the door.
Every instinct in Andrew's body was telling him to just go away, to turn tail and run, but he managed to force himself to walk into the room.
"Look, Andrew..."
"No, please let me speak," Andrew said, holding up at hand. Now that his mouth was working, the words were flowing like water breaking a dam. "Listen, I want to apologize for making you uncomfortable. I promise it won't happen again. It's clear you don't feel that way about me..."
"Andrew..."
"No, little one. Let me finish. I guess there's no point in lying about it now. I like you. You know that. You don't like me. I know that now too. You're the forbidden fruit. It's like you're Aragorn and I'm Eowyn...well only if Eowyn was a guy. Your heart belongs to someone else and I can't compete."
"Andrew..."
"I can handle all of that. What I can't handle is not being able to talk to you. I miss you and I worry about you. I can't be this close to you, facing life or death at any time and not be able to talk like we used to. I can't go back. I can't change the past. But we do have the power to change the future."
"Andrew," Xander said, a little more firmly. "Listen...it's just...I don't...I can't..." Xander paused in mid stutter, his expression changing from discomfort to fear as he stared out of the window behind Andrew's head. "What is that?"
"What?" Andrew was barely able to turn around before a strange girl broke through the cracking plaster wall. Another followed, and more still, and the world dissolved into chaos.
::Author's notes::
I'd again like to thank my kid sister and my buddy Cliia for the continued feedback and support for both of my stories. You're both the best. ^_^
I will do my best to update ASAP since I ended on a cliffhanger, but will probably need to write another chapter for my other story first, so I can't promise how soon it will be.
Feedback response:
bsktballchik: Thanks again for your support and keep on writing yourself! My dislike of Buffy herself has a lot to do with why she hasn't appeared in the story to date.
Schiavona: Well, I'm sorry you don't like that I am slashing Xander and Andrew, but I feel the need to point out that I did put a slash warning on the story description. If that's enough to make you stop reading, so be it.