A/N: Okay everyone…seems I lost a bunch of readers along the way. Oh well, I changed the look of this story a little bit. I figured, since I'm lightening up on the angst a little bit now that we're gearing more toward the climax so I changed it to action/adventure. I also changed the summary, if you saw. I thought I could catch a few new eyes that way. Oh well. This chapter is a bit shorter than my normal ones, but that's because next chapter is a little involved and I thought it best to leave at this point. Also, this chapter uses my absolute favorite American Hi-Fi song ever, Wall of Sound. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or anything related to that hunk of hanyou--except I got one of those head bands with dog ears on it for Easter…I do not own American Hi-Fi either, but I am their ever faithful groupie.
Chapter 15: Facing Your Inner Demons
"It don't mean nothing,
When you say its gonna be alright"
In a dark room, in a dark corner, sat a dark man pondering on his dark purpose. The window beside him had blinds that were mostly closed, only letting in a few rays of broken white light. It added an eerie glow to the darkness, making the man seem menacing as he sat, rigid and perfectly still, in his room. He was dressed plainly all in black, but seemed to hold a certain elegance. His long hair was held back at the nape of his neck. His eyes were half-lidded in thought as he fingered a small violet jewel that hung on a gold chain around his neck.
Footsteps from outside the closed door signaled that his solitude was about to be abruptly disturbed and he looked to the door expectantly. True to his assumption, a second later the door flew open and a very, very angry woman stood in it. Her hands were at her hips and she looked like she was struggling fiercely not to simply stroll inside and attack him. After a few moments of attempted control of her temper, Kagura simply glared.
"Naraku, why are you still sitting here?" Naraku appraised her briefly, then looked away, staring off into space for another moment. Kagura considered this a grave insult and narrowed her glare even more. "Just tell me when we can get the girl. You owe me that much," she spat at him.
The jewel around Naraku's neck flared briefly with a bright light as he turned to meet her angry red glare with a cool look. "Since when do I answer to you, Kagura?" he asked her simply. "Last I checked, you were still under my control."
She sniffed haughtily and straightened. "Get over yourself, boss," she sneered. "I'm just as much a victim as you are!"
"Really now?" he asked, rather annoyed at this point.
"Yes!" she confirmed. For a moment they simply stared at each other, but under the heat of Naraku's anger, Kagura turned away. "Why can't I just get the girl now?"
"Because you know it doesn't work that way," he said calmly.
"Please!" she sighed. "She already passed that fucking miko ritual thing! She has the power! Can't we just hit her over the fucking head and drag her back here? It's not exactly rocket science!"
"Kagura, calm yourself," a soft voice said from behind her. Kanna, a small girl looking no more than pre-teen years, strolled casually into the room. Dressed all in white, which did nothing to accent her pale hair and paler complexion, the girl kneeled before Naraku. "Everything you asked about has been set, my lord," she spoke quietly.
Naraku reached out and patted her head. "Good Kanna. Now I need you to oversee the final preparations for the ritual."
Kanna bowed and exited the room, pausing beside her sister for a moment. She took Kagura's hand in her own two smaller ones. "Be patient." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "This will all be over soon." And then she was gone.
Kagura, for the sake of her sister--the only creature in the world that Kagura loved-- would try to control herself. "What would you have me do, Naraku?" she asked.
"I need you to continue as you have been. Watch the girl and make sure she doesn't interfere with my plans."
Kagura bowed her head and turned to leave. The door was almost closed when she turned back quickly. "You mean to act soon though, don't you?"
"Yes Kagura," he said with a sigh. "But for right now, it's fun to see where things will go from here."
Kagura shook her head in an almost sorry manner. "You are a fucking bastard aren't you?"
Naraku looked at her with an arched eyebrow. "And you think yourself different from me?"
"Yes," she responded without any hint of hesitation. "I may kill when it serves me, but I have never tormented souls like you do." Kagura paused to simply shake her head and continue leaving. "I break bodies, but you break spirits."
Naraku chuckled at that last remark. Kagura seemed to be getting soft in her old age. It mattered little however, if her conscience suddenly gave. His plan was already in motion and their curse would soon be lifted. Naraku sighed, leaning back slightly from his position and moved his finger over the ground of the floor. He spoke softly, a few old words, drawing a shape over and over while speaking. When he took his finger away, the shape glowed silver briefly on the ground, flaring once before disappearing. The jewel around his neck also flared once before once more becoming a dull decoration. He didn't have enough power to tap into all of its powers, yet.
"Cause you'll tell me anything I wanna hear,
And it don't mean nothing"
Kagome got home around seven. The sun was gone from the sky and she felt drained, in spirit and energy. She had stopped crying a while before, but she still felt empty. It was horrible, crying. Once she began, it seemed so hard for her to stop. So many years of remaining dry-eyed left her dependant on inner strength to carry her through the hardest of times. Now, she felt that pain in her gut that made her eyes water over.
This time, she had cried for her own, selfish reasons. Not because of her job or her power, not for Aiko or her family. No, she had cried purely because she was jealous of them. She cried because seeing that family so worried and happy when that little girl was alright, it left an empty part of her heart yearning for her family. She missed her brothers--their warmth and devotion always made the pain in her heart less. Now that they were no where to be found, she felt alone even with her friends.
She hated lying. She hated keeping secrets. She hated hiding. Her life before coming to the city, though less happy, was much simpler. Then again, Kagome thought to herself, maybe I'm just growing up. It was hard, and long, and frustrating. She wanted something to fight, something to kill. Kagome, more than anything, just wanted someone to tell her that it would get better. It would be a lie, she already knew that. It would always be hard, but a person just had to keep fighting.
On that bittersweet note, she pulled into the parking lot of the dojo and went inside. Kaede was in the kitchen, making dinner for the two of them. "Hi Grams," Kagome greeted with a wave.
"You look tired," her grandmother observed, pushing her into a chair before setting a plate of food in front of her. "Rin called and said that you had to go do 'whatever it is that a High Miko does', so I made you your favorite."
"Cheese omelet and oden," Kagome laughed. "Thanks a lot Grams."
Kaede kissed her on the forehead before setting back to her tasks. "You deserve a little pampering. It was your first official act as High Miko, after all."
"Yeah," Kagome said quietly. "I just hope Aiko will be alright."
"I'm sure she will," her grandmother said absently. "That family is strong."
"Yeah, Nidaku and Yukina are so big now. I remember seeing them at Aiko's blessing ceremony. That was so many years ago."
"Ah, you're already getting nostalgic," Kaede laughed. "You shouldn't do that until you're my age." Kagome laughed and began eating her dinner. After a while, Kaede spoke again. "Are you all packed for tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I'm thankful that Rin lent me her car. I'd never be able to carry the presents home in my saddlebags."
"Rin worries about you." It was a statement in passing, but Kagome still smiled.
"I know."
"They all do."
"I don't like lying to them," Kagome confessed. "But I guess I don't have to do much of that anymore since I'll be going back home soon."
There was a silence between them before Kaede turned to meet Kagome's two-toned gaze. "Have you told them?"
"They know that now that I'm High Miko, I have to return. I just didn't tell them when because I still don't know."
Kaede sighed and smiled slightly. "I have a lot of faith in you Kagome. Whatever you chose to do will be the right thing for you, but you have to remember that this choice is for you. You are the High Miko, but that is only what you are. It is not who you are. Don't let a title dictate who you are."
Kagome smiled slightly. "If only I could be reckless and do what I really want to do," she sighed wistfully.
"What would you do?" Kaede asked, taking a seat across from her.
Kagome pondered this for a moment, them smiled a small, disarmingly beautiful smile. "I'd be just another stupid kid."
"That is where you are wrong, Kagome dear," Kaede said with a smile. She brushed a strand of Kagome's thick raven hair behind her ear. "If there is anything you're not, it's stupid. And you could never be just another kid."
"You have to say that, you're my grandmother," Kagome said with false exaggeration.
Kaede laughed again, hugging her granddaughter lightly before getting back up. "Now that you're done, don't you have a phone call to make?"
"Phone call?" Kagome said, blinking.
"Really, kids today," Kaede sighed. "One track mind."
"Oh! I have to call Inuyasha…" Kagome paused to look up at her. "How did you know I had to call him?"
Kaede smiled one of those grandmother smiles, full of secrets and knowledge and warmth. "I was your age once too, you know." Kagome only grinned before climbing the stairs out of the kitchen and toward her room to make the call.
"When you laugh at my jokes,
Cause it's all or nothing when I fall apart"
Inuyasha had been right in the middle of defeating the Nazgul in his Lord of the Rings: Return of the King video game when the phone rang. Still focused on the screen, he absently reached over and grabbed the phone from the cradle, tucking it against his shoulder so both his hands were free to use the controller.
"'lo?" he said distractedly.
"Final Fantasy or Lord of the Rings?" Kagome asked. She knew that tone of distraction in his voice and it could only be caused by a video game. She sighed inwardly. God help her, she was in love with a gamer.
"Rings," he answered. "What's up?" He paused his game and focused on her voice.
Kagome sighed and fell on to her bed, head and legs hang off either side. "Nothing," she replied. "Just tired."
"What happened?" he asked. Not really prying, but eager to know. Kagome smiled a little to herself and felt the tension begin to leave her body. She always felt relaxed around Inuyasha, like she could just be herself and that was good enough.
"Routine demonic possession," she said nonchalantly. "Those two kids from the mall? Their little sister. She was attacked by some kind of a gecko demon and I had to fight it."
"You ok?" Such a simple question that held so many different meanings.
"I don't really know," Kagome confessed. Inuyasha heard the tiny hitch in her voice and was immediately attentive.
"Tell me." A soft command that Kagome found herself answering without much actual thought.
"The demon thingy, it called me a child. And I'm not a child, but when it said that, it made me start thinking. And then Aiko was ok and the family was just so happy and I felt so jealous and then I was angry at myself. And now I feel so stupid for being jealous and I'm really tired and I have to drive home tomorrow to talk to my mother and I'm really unhappy right now." It all came out in a long rush, as if she expelled all of it on one breath, though it took several.
It took Inuyasha several minutes to sort out all of what she said, but the answer was simple--to him at least. "Come over."
"What?" Kagome blurted out.
"Come over," Inuyasha said with a laugh. "Mom and Sesshomaru went to one of their 'company functions' for something or other. They won't be back for another two days or something. Myoga went to visit his brother for the New Year. I'm all alone, so there will be no witnesses of your shame. Just come over."
"You know, you telling me that you're alone did not reassure me in any way," she drawled. He only chuckled again and Kagome sighed. Her answer was already imminent. "I'll be over in a few minutes."
"Good."
"But I can't stay long, I have to leave early tomorrow."
"I know."
"And this is only because I'm in a shitty mood so there's no reason for you to tell anyone about this."
"I know."
His calm was infuriating her. "I hate you," she muttered in a venomous voice. It wasn't true and they both knew it. She was just angry because she needed someone around her right now, and he was happily volunteering.
"Yep, but that's only because I'm so damn cute," he pointed out.
Kagome chose to ignore that remark. "I'm coming now."
"Alright then."
There was a small pause. "You will be feeding me while I stray over there, won't you?"
Another small pause followed. "Feh," was the only reply she got before hanging up.
"Fade, Fade, Fade, Into you,
You're under my skin now"
Kagome had no idea why she was going there, except that she needed some reassurance. Kaede had given her 'the look', the look that every parent gives a child when they are about to go over to a boy or girl's house without a chaperone. She didn't say anything, but Kagome knew the thoughts in her head. There were the same thoughts in Kagome's head, thoughts that made her blush and made her feel a little giddy and tingly at the same time.
All the same, she kept telling herself that this was not a physical thing. This was just a situation of support and nothing would happen. Nothing was ever that cut-and-dry, and unfortunately, Kagome had a very perverted id that kept talking about rather perverted things. She tried her best to push those thoughts aside as she climbed the steps up to Inuyasha's front door.
She fidgeted until he got to the door, feeling rather naked without her helmet since she had driven Rin's car over instead of using her bike. With flourish, he bowed and led her inside. Kagome, thinking him an idiot, only tweaked one of his ears good-naturedly and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Hey," she greeted, not knowing what else to say.
"Come on in," Inuyasha replied, kicking the door shut behind him and leading the way into the mansion. "We can basically do one of three things," he began. "We could go into the kitchen and veg. We could go into the den and veg. Or we could go to my room and veg."
"Um, tricky choice," she said playfully. "I guess I'd say den and veg. I'm tried, so we could just lay around on the couch."
"Sure. We can raid Fluffy's DVDs while he's away." Kagome smiled happily and followed.
Once in the room, Kagome tossed her leather jacket into one of the empty chairs before tossing herself across the leather couch. Inuyasha went over to the large flat screen TV, thumbing through a bunch of alphabetically organized DVDs. When he found the one he wanted, he flashed it at Kagome with a grin. She rolled her eyes and rejected it, as well as the other five after that.
"Pick one yourself," he finally said with a scowl.
"Fine," Kagome said with a lot of feminine attitude. She got up, pushed him out of the way, and thumbed through herself. She settled upon her DVD of choice in the C section. "Oh, I love this one!"
"The Crow?"
"Why not?" she asked. This relationship would never last if she went around mocking her favorite movie. He only shook his head and smiled. Then he surprised her by leaning forward and catching her lips with his own. Blinking a little dazed after he pulled back, Kagome cocked her head to one side. "What was that for?"
"I forget sometimes, that's all," Inuyasha said mysteriously, taking the movie from her hand and popping it in.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means," he smirked while pulling her back on to her couch, "that you are unlike other females that I have come into contact with."
That seemed to warm her entire body. That one, flattering comment coming from that one rather extraordinary boy. Kagome only smiled and snuggled close against him as they settled in for the movie. Inuyasha didn't comment on it--he was too busy repressing a lot of inappropriate thoughts. They were, if nothing else could be said about them, teenagers after all.
The movie kept them occupied for the better part of two hours. When they roused themselves from the couch, stretching and yawning, it was around nine thirty and it began to lightly drizzle. Inuyasha popped out the disk, placing it carefully back into the case and putting it back in it's labeled slot. Heaven forbid anyone disorganize Sesshomaru's DVDs, the world was libel to end.
Once that was done, the two teens made their way into the kitchen. Inuyasha rummaged through the fridge while Kagome sat herself comfortable on the counter top of the island in the center of the room. Her legs dangling over the end, swinging carelessly as she watched Inuyasha try and find something that didn't require actual cooking. She had learned very early on that although Inuyasha could fight with the best of them, he was a fucking awful cook.
"Anything good, Cap'n?" she called.
"Nothing yet Skipper," he called back. "Unless you want cold chicken."
"Anything is fine Inuyasha," she assured him. Her stomach took that opportunity to growl a second to that statement.
"Chicken it is!" he announced, pulling out a plate of sliced chicken meat. They both ate a few pieces, enjoying a comfortable silence.
After a few minutes, Kagome decided to start a neutral discussion. "Have you worked with the Tetsusaiga lately?"
Inuyasha smiled. "Yeah, I was practicing this afternoon actually. It handles like a dream."
"It doesn't feel as heavy as it really is," Kagome said with a secret little smile. "My grandfather made it with his own strength, but my father broke it once."
"He did?" Inuyasha asked. He never wanted to question Kagome about her father since it was such a painful subject of her, but he admitted--at least to himself--that he was greatly curious about the man.
"Yes. I was just a baby at the time, but he told me about it. He had been fighting a demon with my mother when it was bitten in half. My father took it back to my grandfather to see if it could be repaired, and then he had to take it to the sword crafter. He lives in a remote place very far from here," she explained. Inuyasha loved the way her eyes lit up when she told a story about her father, or about any of her family. She was so proud, so in love with everything they did. It was refreshing and genuine.
"How did he fix it?" Inuyasha pressed.
She grinned. "He pulled out one of Papa's fangs." She remembered how her father had held his cheek while telling this to her, as if it still pained him. "He used it to cast a mold and repair the blade. After that, it took Papa nearly a year to fully master the sword again, because of the weight. He had to begin relying on his own strength again."
"I'll have to make a mental note not to break the sword," Inuyasha said seriously.
Kagome started laughing. "Oh, Papa would have liked you!" she said suddenly.
Inuyasha perked. "You think so?"
She nodded eagerly, still smiling. "You're a lot like him," she said. "You act so tough and invulnerable, have tempers the size of the Pacific ocean, but you're both protective and sweet. You make me feel safe." She whispered the last part, as if it was some great secret she had been protecting, but was unsure of how to explain it. Inuyasha felt a tug in his chest. He would never really be sure why he asked the next question, it was just one of those things that he had to know. "Is that why you like me? Because I remind you of him?"
Kagome's smile faded, slowly. She looked into his gold eyes, as if trying to read the answer in the depths of his soul. He felt a shiver work it's way down his spine at that two-toned gaze. "No," she said at last, like a statement to reassure herself as well as him. "You're a lot like Papa was, but you aren't him. I wouldn't want you to be exactly the way he was. He was my father and I loved him and I would never find anyone exactly like him."
She reached out a hand, a little unsure of herself. Her fingers threaded through his hair and she watched as she combed through it. "You're Inuyasha, and I would never want to find someone exactly like you either. I guess what I mean is that I like you because you have some of the qualities that I need. I need someone who is a little stronger than me, a little cockier than me, a little braver than me. Someone who can make me feel safe. That I can be me around them all the time, and they'd never be intimidated or scared or who would 'put up with it'."
"You've met people like that." It wasn't a question.
"Yes," she agreed. "Some of my family. They looked down at my mother because she married outside of the circle, and what was worse, she married a man who had demon blood. But she was their High Miko, so they couldn't openly object to her, so they tolerated her and my father. Most of them never wanted anything to do with us, accept when they needed something. That's why I'm so close with Rin and Grams, but not with my mother's family, even if I am their miko."
"Well, more fools them," Inuyasha said, catching her gaze from where he was standing on the ground in front of her. "They didn't notice a good thing when they had it in front of them. I won't make that mistake."
"What do you know?" Kagome said in a breathy voice, looking down into his smoldering amber eyes. "You listen to Justin Timberlake."
"That joke is getting old," he said in an equally low voice.
"It's all I can think of when you look at me like that," she confessed.
"You should get a better line," he told her, his gaze lowering from her eyes to her mouth.
Kagome felt her pulse pick up speed and she swallowed hard. She hungered to be kissed by him, a real kiss. Not the kind that was meant in a comforting gesture or out of playful spite or gratitude. The kind of kiss that a girl waited her whole life for, the kind she talked about with her friends late at night when no boys were around. It made that place in her lower abdomen tighten in anticipation. Equal parts reluctant and eager, Kagome tried to postpone the act in favor of keeping her rational thought.
"So you'd insult a girl before you kiss her? That's a much better line."
Inuyasha grinned darkly, dangerously. Kagome bit into her bottom lip, not out of fear, but because she knew there was no way to stop herself from kissing him otherwise. She was utterly lost, and the majority of her didn't care in the least.
"I don't insult any girl," he replied, leaning up so that his mouth was a breath from hers. "You're special." And that was when he closed the gap and put a proper end to their discussion.
Just as Kagome knew would happen, she found herself being good and kissed by Inuyasha. Thoroughly and deeply enough to completely wash away all rational thought--or any thought at all of that matter--and leave her gripping his shoulders with her hands as they flexed open and closed. Heat rushed through her entire body, so much heat that she was sure her bones would start to melt.
Inuyasha knew he had no right to be doing what he was doing, right here in the middle of his kitchen, hungrily making out with a girl on the island counter. His rational mind--though hardly ever heeded--was properly yelling at him to stop this right now. He even entertained the thought for a moment, until Kagome moaned into his mouth and started kissing him back just as passionately as he was kissing her. That put him back in his place. That and the sweet torture of her roving hands as she found the hem of his shirt. His arms tightened around her waist, pulling her body closer to his.
For a few moments, they could do nothing but devour each other, caught up in a place where time was nonexistent and their problems were miles away. They kissed one another fiercely, with lips and teeth and tongue, kissing like neither of them had ever kissed before.
Inuyasha moved away from her lips, trailing his mouth across the line of her jaw and the curve of her throat. He lightly bit at her skin and Kagome went lax in his hold. He thrilled at the power he held over her, this woman who was always so determined to be in charge of her own life and destiny. If he couldn't change her lot in life, couldn't ease her doubts and fears, he could at least give her this. A brief respite from what made her cry. For him, that would be the best thing he could ever give her.
"Inuyasha," her voice was nearly breathless when she whispered his name. He pulled his head back, meeting her smoky gaze. He thought she was going to ask him to stop. Say that she should just go home and they should slow down.
He should have known better. Hadn't he fallen in love with Kagome because she was so different than other girls? But she could still surprise him, and she did in that moment.
"My first time is not going to be on a kitchen counter," she told him, her voice rough and her smile seductive. "Can we go back to the den?"
Inuyasha matched her smile, his eyes heated. "Anything you want Kagome," he replied. Then he slid her from the counter and carried her back to the den and to the couch. He wondered how so tall a girl could weight next to nothing. She wondered how a man who could hold a sword with such menace could be so gentle with her.
"I could shut out the world that we know,
I'll try to be everything that you want me to be"
(A/N: Okay people, here's the thing. Romance is actually quite a feat for me to write. For this reason, and nothing else, I have to say that I will not be writing an actual lemon. It is now implied that Inuyasha and Kagome have had sex. Yay, whooped-de-doo, let's move on in the story. The following is public service announcement from Jesse the Wolf Demon: Remember kids, always practice safe sex because you are sleeping with everyone they have ever slept with.)
When Kagome regained her senses, she was laying on the leather couch in Inuyasha's arms. Her pulse was slow again, her body cool, but still exposed. She felt at once both profoundly satisfied, and starkly afraid. She had thought…no, that was the real problem. She hadn't thought; she had only acted.
Even though she was a little angry at herself for not being a better judge of her actions, as she looked up at Inuyasha resting peacefully beside her, she couldn't regret what she had done. For once in her life, she had been that stupid kid she always wanted to be. She gave herself to the hanyou she loved. Kagome scoffed a little. She had never been the type of girl who would 'save herself' for marriage, not like some of the deluded, silly girls she had known at her old school. Kagome had always been waiting to fall in love, and if that had never happened, then she'd die a virgin. It never really bothered her.
It was a little scary when she thought about it. It had all happened so fast. It reminded her of something Kaede said, a long time ago. For so long you live in a life that is slow and easy-going and then suddenly something happens to start a series of events. It doesn't seem like much time has passed, that everything is happening at once, but over that time, you change more slowly than you realize. In the space of two months, she had made two friends she wouldn't trade for a lifetime, become closer with her cousin, inherited generations' worth of power, and fallen in love.
There was, however, one major obstacle in her life. Sayaka Higurashi and all the little lies that trailed from mother to daughter. All the lies Kagome had to live by, and hide in. Her very name was a lie she had to constantly hide from the one she loved most in the world. The one who had said, amidst the peak of pleasurable heights, that he loved her.
It made tears come to her eyes, out of both happiness and despair. She had hoped, somewhere, that he didn't love her. That he couldn't love her. That all the heat had simply been that, lust. Kagome had hoped in her heart of hearts that he wouldn't love her because she knew that if he did, she had to tell him the truth. She couldn't lie to him, not if he felt for her even half of what she felt for him. That was the one thing she feared to do.
Too many things were coming to life in her mind, too many declarations, too many fears and doubts and guilty murmurings. She had to get out of here, away from him, just until she could clear her head. Perhaps it was a good thing she was going home tomorrow. Once home, Kagome could confront her mother about Inuyasha and his family. She could refuse--she had that power now. It would give her a little respite from the terrible pain she felt over the love in her heart.
As quietly as she could, as stealthily as she could, Kagome slipped away from Inuyasha. He was asleep--and he did sleep pretty soundly--but with those sensitive ears, she had to be extra cautious. She gathered up her discarded clothes, pulling them on as she grabbed her coat and slipped out of the room. Her heart was beating faster now, for fear of being caught.
As she passed the entry room, she saw the small desk near the bottom of the stairs. Kagome walked over, opening the drawer and pulling out a small pad with a pen. It would be heartless of her to leave without the slightest of goodbyes. So, cold-hearted girl that she was, with tears stinging the back of her eyes, Kagome composed the best note she could and left it on the couch in the den.
As she drove home in the pouring rain, she was glad that she had taken Rin's car both for the fact that it provided shelter from the storm outside, but it also was easy on her body, which was still sore from her sexual excursions. She sighed once on her lonely drive home, looking at the clock. It flashed near midnight. Kaede would be up waiting for her, ready with a few words about what being home at a reasonable hour meant. Kagome didn't really mind. She wouldn't be able to sleep that night anyway, so she'd leave at first light. Before Inuyasha woke up and found her gone.
She just couldn't help it. No matter how much she wanted to be that stupid kid, she couldn't bring herself to stay that way for longer than a night. She had responsibilities. A title, a family to care for. She was High Miko now, and all that came with it. Maybe that wasn't all there was to Kagome, but it was an important part of her. No matter how much she wanted, she just couldn't be everything she wanted, or Inuyasha needed. Guilt ate at her like salt on a wound. Still, she smiled to herself through pain and shadow. There had been a moment, a single one perhaps, but a moment, when she had felt cherished. And that was worth all the consequences.
"And I've got a head start but I'm making the same mistakes,
Cause it's all or nothing when I fall apart"
It's one thing to fall asleep after participating in a rather strenuous act of the sexual kind. It's quite another to wake up with the partner in said act extremely missing from the couch beside you.
When Inuyasha's woke up, it was early in the morning, no later than seven. The couch beside him was vacant, but the indentation of Kagome's body was still in the leather. It took him a few minutes to remember everything that had taken place in the passed hours, and once he did, he simply sat in a daze for a few minutes. It also confused him that Kagome had taken off.
That's when he found the note she left on the couch. He quickly snatched it up and read the scrawl.
Inuyasha-- I told you that I had to take off because I'm going home. I'll talk to you when I get back, I swear. I'm sorry I had to leave without saying goodbye properly. I'm just a coward. I really am sorry. --Love, Kagome.
More confused than before, Inuyasha got up and quickly dressed. He didn't pause to assess his actions when he set out for the dojo. He just needed to talk to Kagome.
Remembering everything that happened last night also brought to mind a declaration he made in the middle of an act that he, perhaps, should have kept to himself. At a red light, he proceeded to bash his head against the steering wheel repeatedly.
"You are a fucking ass, Inutoya," he raged at himself. "How could you screw this up?" When the light was green, a few cars behind him honked until he started driving again. He wasn't even speeding today. Inuyasha didn't feel up to breaking the law when he was scared that Kagome might not want to see him anymore. It made that place in his chest tighten again.
Inuyasha pulled into the parking lot of the dojo before he could further ponder these thoughts. He hopped out of the car and walked up to the back door, gently wrapping on the window. Kaede was always up early, and he knew Kagome was leaving early.
Kaede was surprised to see him. "What are you doing here this early?" she asked him. "Your session isn't until this afternoon."
"I know," he said with a shrug, jamming his hands into his pockets as he struggled for casual. "I wanted to talk to Kagome before she left."
"You missed her by about an hour," Kaede said with a sigh. "She was packed an out the door at six, sharp."
Inuyasha's ears dropped. "Did she say why she was leaving so early?"
"Traffic," Kaede scoffed. "Looked to me like she was running from something, but what does an old woman know about these things?" She walked back inside with a shrug. "You'd think I'd have forgotten what it was like to be eighteen and in love."
"Mistress," Inuyasha began, trying to find the right words. "Did Kagome say anything to you, about what happened yesterday?"
Kaede eyed him suspiciously. "You didn't have a fight with her, did you?"
"No," Inuyasha said quickly. "No more then usual, anyway."
She looked at him for another long moment and Inuyasha thought she saw right through him. "You scared her, didn't you?"
"I don't see how," he said roughly.
Kaede sighed again. "Oh, this is going to be a tricky situation indeed."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, nothing lad," Kaede said quickly, shooing him out of the dojo. "Go home and get some rest. You look worn out and I need you in top form this afternoon." With that, she slammed the door and Inuyasha slumped back into his car, head against the steering wheel.
He didn't understand it. "Women!" he swore, starting the engine. He couldn't understand it, he just couldn't! Wasn't last night a good thing? She didn't stop him…little vixen had told him to take her back to the den! Why the hell was she running scared all of a sudden? Was it because of what he said?
He had told a woman that he loved her for the first time, apart from his mother of course. What did she do? She shoved it back in his face! Like it was nothing! She simply disappeared in the middle of the night with a note and ran back home to her mother!
Inuyasha had half a mind to go over to Rin's house, drag her out of bed and demand directions to Kagome's home so he could go and yell at her. The other part of him said not to bother, that it wasn't worth it. Kagome was a scared, stubborn woman who said she was so strong but turned and ran whenever faced with something hard. She was angry and troubled, more trouble than he should deal with considering all of his own issues. Kagome was secretive and frustrating.
He was almost sick with loving her. That was what hurt the most.
"Fade, Fade, Fade, Into you,
Caught in the rush of the crowd"
Kagome drove along the highway, the roads clear on both sides. Light was getting brighter now as the morning began to roll in on its merry way. The heaters in the car were on full blast, trying to ease away the frosty bite inside of the car and inside of the driver.
She was sure that Kaede knew what had happened between her and Inuyasha. The look she gave her, when she had walked in at midnight; it was 'the look'. What was even worse, when Kagome climbed the stairs to her room, she noticed the blood staining the inside legs of her pants. She hadn't even felt herself bleed and she blushed into the dark room. Kaede had to have noticed! And Kagome's cycle ended the week before. There was only one logical conclusion to it.
Not able to meet her grandmother's eyes the rest of the morning, Kagome simply loaded up the car, drank some tea in the dark room, and waited for morning. Then, when Kaede had come down to put on the tea water, she was surprised to see Kagome waiting to kiss her goodbye. Barely able to say two words before Kagome took her leave of the dojo in a flash. It was not exactly hard to know that she was guilty and hiding something.
Sighing, Kagome put the radio on low. She drummed her fingers along the steering wheel as the car beneath her brought her closer and closer to her childhood home. Toward her mother. And this time, she was going to face the music and tell Sayaka the truth. Kagome would not harm any of the Inutoya family. She would continue out her reign, she would live her life according to the laws of her family, but she would not exact vengeance. Kagome was a High Miko, she was not a judge and jury, able to carry out sentencing of death on a whim--especially since one of them was a human woman.
Kagome also came to another decision on that lonely drive. When she came back from her mother's house. When all was said and done and she returned to the dojo for however long it was she was going to remain, be it days or weeks or hours, she was going to find Inuyasha. She was going to tell him the truth, about her name and her mother. She was going to throw herself at his mercy and she hoped to all things that he would not forgive her.
Kagome didn't deserve forgiveness. She deserved pain and agony, and if he did reject her, that was exactly what she was going to get. Still, the only thing in her mind were those harshly whispered words that he had said to her less than twelve hours before. Words that were forever emblazoned upon her heart.
She loved him, and God help them both, he loved her back.
"Lost in the wall of sound,
You were ringing in my ear, my ear, Fade"
A/N: Okay, here is chapter 15. Short, yes, but the next one will be longer and very exciting!
pruningshears: Yup, but the real plot is kind of hidden beneath much of the subplots. Like I said from the beginning, this is a complicated story. Kagome can handle it, just with difficulty. Sayaka insight is coming in the next two chapters. Sorry it took so long for the update--my beta reader was indisposed for a while. Now she's out of school for the summer, so the chapters will come faster, promise!
Winter-hearted Oddity: Thanks for the words of support. I'm glad you like Kagome because I'm trying to make her seem professional without making her seem too rock-solid. Do you think I'm pulling it off all right?
mirokusgrl: No more caffeine for you! More plot twists are coming, so you will be far from bored, honest! Thanks for the review!
Sinn 01: I know, I hate when no one knows my band. I love them so much too! Sorry it took so long for the update but my beta has been busy. I promise to get more updates out at a quicker pace since I get out of school in a couple weeks as well. Thanks for the review!
sakuramona: Jell-o is for all, be they groupies or cult members or just random kids at a lunch table, lol. Thanks for the review. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Yami Ryoko: Thanks for the review and I'm glad you like this story. As promised, as soon as I get out of school and have more time to concentrate, I swear I will finish up with Wanderers. There are about eight more chapters and I have the next two pretty much done--just have to tweak a little, but I'm trying to focus my attentions on this story and my schoolwork until I have more free time. It will be finished, I swear!