Disclaimer: Much as I'd like to, I don't own Draco Malfoy, or any part of the magical world that J.K. Rowling has all the copyrights to ... please don't sue me. There are some parts of this story that are quotes from the book - it can't be helped - events are the same as in the book, but Draco's opinion of these events may vary from Harry's.
Author's Notes: Christmas gets earlier every year ... I mean, seriously, it does ... they're advertising things for Christmas 2004, on TV as I type this!
Devi: Well, I can't stand Pansy/Draco ships either, so don't worry. Actually, that whole Rita Skeeter thing was quite important. S'ok, I don't expect everyone to have no life, like I have.
kraeg001: Thanks.
Starre: Thanks.
dstrbd child: I'm lazy too ... I just channel my laziness into work, leaving me free to write fanfics.
Elizabeth: Well, I've written as far as ch20, which is the Yule Ball. I don't really know how many more chapters my GoF will be ... and then I'll start straight into OotP, so *shrugs*.
Akuma-sama: The second task? Honestly, I hadn't thought about it too much ... ok, I lied, I've thought about it in great detail, but I ain't tellin' anyone what I've planned. And I've been reviewing your fic in your Yahoo! group, anyway.
Simply Myself: What exactly do you mean by "villain karma"? *grins* glad you liked the chapter. *looks confused* where/when did I imply you ever didn't review?
duochang97: *blinks* I actually didn't notice Theo forget to thank Draco ... but you're right about that. He calls the Weasley twins that all the time.
dragonsprincess: Well, Theo can actually sing very well ... 2 or 3 on your scale ... but it's what he sings that's the problem "I know a song that'll get on your nerves" - ever heard it? It's the most annoying song ever.
Bob: I said I'd update soon, didn't I? Ok, I didn't say I'd update quite this soon, but meh.
Hrei-siesn: I agree, I find the darker characters' opinions much more interesting (I loved Tom Riddle's speech at the end of CoS - shame he forgot the key rule in being an evil overlord: "Never give the good guy time to think before you kill him ... or her"). And here's more now.
"As Binns hadn't let his own death stand in the way of continuing to teach, they supposed a small thing like Christmas wasn't going to put him off." -Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Chapter 18 - Is It Christmas Already?
"Bah humbug." I muttered, as I watched Pansy levitate a piece of mistletoe over the fireplace in the common room.
"Draco, why do you hate Christmas?" Theo asked, working on his History homework.
"Because now I can't go near the fire - I'll freeze ... stupid traditions." I muttered miserably.
"You really do hate Christmas, don't you?" Theo asked, amazed that it was even possible.
"Yes." I answered sulkily.
"Why? What did Christmas ever do to you?" Theo asked.
"You've seen the Christmas parties my father throws. Take a wild guess what I don't like about the holiday." I snarled.
"Yeah, but Hogwarts Christmas is much more fun." Theo whined.
"Yeah, right. The last time I was here for Christmas, my only friends abandoned me because they're cowards, and the two twits that follow me around got locked in a closet together and impersonated by my two worst enemies who were trying to spy on me ... I almost preferred getting caught in the middle of a Death Eater duel, at the Christmas party when I was seven. At least then I knew half of what was going on."
Theo sighed dramatically. "Are you seriously telling me you've never had a good Christmas?" he asked.
"Never." I replied with certainty, "Aside from second year - which I hated - every Christmas I can remember has had nothing but those parties, with my father and his friends getting drunk and fighting with each other ... then Mother yells at him after they've gone. Never fun - have you heard her shout? When she's mad she could put a banshee to shame."
Theo sighed.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm just worried about you, Draco ... Christmas is a time for fun, not misery."
"I can be miserable if I want to be." I noted.
Theo sighed again.
* * *
The Christmas decorations were actually quite spectacular, though. Even I couldn't miss that.
The suits of armour around the castle had been bewitched to sing carols - not something I thought anything good of until I passed one singing, "Jingle bells, the Dark Lord smells, a million miles away ... with garlic breath that smells like death, and bad B.O. I say ... oh! Jingle bells, the Dark Lord smells, a million miles away ... he smells like shit, he whiffs a bit -" Filch appeared at the end of the corridor, the singing missed a beat, then resumed with, "- now I'm going to run away!" Peeves flew out of the suit of armour, and zoomed past me away from Filch.
I sniggered as Filch ran after the poltergeist, looking murderous. I liked that variation of that song.
I was humming it when I returned to the common room that evening.
"Who gave you a personality transplant?" Blaise asked, as I walked in.
"Yeah, you're humming carols." Pansy said in a worried tone. I smirked, and continued to hum as I got out my books to work on my Potions homework, "Okay, you are freaking me out. Stop being so nice and bring the evil twin back." Pansy said shrilly.
I grinned evilly at her, "Have you heard Peeves?" I asked cheerfully.
"No." Pansy admitted.
"He seems to like the bewitched suits of armour." I noted, then turned my attention to my homework. Pansy looked confused.
* * *
"Hey, Draco - they've announced the Yule Ball, now." Pansy said, too-sweetly, at breakfast, the last week of term.
"I know." I said, uninterestedly.
"Well ...?" Pansy prompted, obviously trying to get me to ask her to the Ball.
"I as good as said it before, Pansy. If anyone wants to go to the Ball with me, they'll have to ask me - I'm not asking anyone." I said calmly.
Pansy pouted. I smirked.
"No fair, Draco." she whined.
"Life's not fair, Pansy." I replied.
Wednesday, who had been sitting across the table from us and listening in to our conversation, smiled her demonic smile, and asked, "Draco ... would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"
Pansy glared daggers at her, "No, he's mine." she snarled.
"He's not asked you, has he?" Wednesday asked. Pansy just glared. "And you've not asked him, have you?" Wednesday persisted. Pansy glared some more. "So he's fair game."
"Draco." Pansy said determinedly.
"Yes, Pansy?" I asked, smirking - I was actually enjoying the two girls fighting over me, even if I didn't have much romantic interest in either of them ... I don't think Pansy's as annoying as she used to be, but I tend to think of her more like a sister I never had, rather than a potential girlfriend ... and Wednesday just scares me.
"You're going to the Yule Ball with ME." she said firmly, as if it was an order rather than a request.
"I'll have to think about it ... I've had several people ask me, actually ... Wednesday's not the first." I said.
Pansy's jaw dropped, "Who else?" she asked, horrified.
"Millicent, Padma, Samantha, and Theo." I replied. I was actually telling the truth, too ... which is a scary thought, so I'm going to try not to think about it.
Pansy blinked, "Theo asked you to the Yule Ball?" she asked, stunned.
"Only as a joke ..." Theo's voice came from behind me, and I looked to see that he'd kicked Crabbe out of his usual seat, so he could sit beside me, "I'd already asked Luna, and I knew damned well that Draco'd say no. I just wanted to see the look on his face."
Pansy shook her head, as if clearing it of mental pictures I don't want to know about, then looked at me and pouted as cutely as she could manage, "Pretty please written in sugar quills, Draco ... will you go to the Yule Ball with me?" she asked in her sweetest tone of voice, which made her sound and look like a little kid begging you to take her to Mount Splashmore.
"Certainly, Pansy." I said, smiling.
Pansy giggled manically, and practically jumped for joy, "Yay!" she cheered.
"Pansy ... calm down ... it's just the Yule Ball ... I have not agreed to marry you." I said, more than a bit put out by the hyper girl giggling in the seat next to me.
Pansy sobered at that, "You haven't?" she asked, surprised, "I thought our parents made some sort of agreement -"
"No, they didn't ... your father got my father to say he would 'think about it' which roughly translates as 'if I feel like it'. I'm not even going to consider it while I'm still at school ... so take your delusions and your inane giggling elsewhere."
Pansy pouted, "Spoil my fun, why don't you." she said huffily.
"That's exactly what I was trying to do." I noted, smirking evilly. Pansy stood up in a huff and stormed off. "I just agreed to go to the Yule Ball with her, and this is how she reacts." I said to Theo, still smirking.
"You're evil, Draco." Theo said.
"Thank you."
* * *
"Ho ho effing ho, what a crock of shit ... we all work for Santy Claus, we've had enough, we quit ... 'cause we do all the effing work, while he stars in the show ... stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho effing ho." I heard from the Slytherin Mudblood that Peeves was stealing some of his lines from Muggle songs ... wonder what the Baron would think of that. I doubt he'd be pleased.
* * *
Weasley made a total idiot out of himself, in front of half the school, by asking the Veela-wannabie girl to the Ball ... even I'm not that stupid ... I mean, I wasn't really drooling when I looked at her - honestly ... don't look at me like that!
* * *
Cat was in hysterics, after our last class of the term. Which, unfortunately for me, had been Care of Dangerous Beasts ... and luckily for her, had been Divination.
"What's so funny?" I asked curiously.
"Finch-Fletchley ..." giggle, snigger, "In Divination class ..." snort, giggle, giggle.
"What did he do?" I asked warily.
She calmed down a little, and smiled, "Well, first ... he spent the first half-hour drawing ... then he claimed to have a horrifying vision ... then declared to Trelawney: 'You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face ... of Donald Duck' ..." she fell over laughing for a moment, before calming down enough to speak again, "Then he showed her this picture, it was hilarious ... must be a Muggle cartoon, but the idea ..." she fell into hysterics again.
"I don't get it." I said flatly.
She handed me a sketch of a ridiculous looking duck. I looked at it for a second, then sniggered, "Ok, this makes more sense." I said, amused.
"I told you it was funny." Cat giggled.
"So what did Trelawney say?" I asked curiously.
"She's keeping a wary eye out for the Beast." Cat said, still giggling.
* * *
"Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and grandpa we believe!" Peeves sang gleefully, as he floated past us, a few days later.
"I get it now." Pansy said finally, "He's singing not-real carols, to be annoying."
"Finally!" I said dramatically.
The sound of Peeves shrieking came from where he had vanished to, then he flew past us again, much much faster, this time singing hurriedly, "We wish you a crappy Christmas, we wish you a crappy Christmas, we wish you a crappy Christmas, now throw Filch in the lake!"
Pansy giggled madly, as Filch pursued Peeves, up a flight of stairs and out of sight.
* * *
The next day, Theo and I were heading out of the Great Hall after breakfast, when he asked, "Where're Dumb and Dumber, anyway?"
"I have no clue." I replied honestly, "Last I saw, they left the dorm together this morning, saying they had something they wanted to do. They weren't at breakfast, so it must've been important to them."
"I didn't think anything rated higher on their priorities than eating?" Theo asked.
I shrugged, "Who gives a damn?" I asked.
"Not me." Theo replied, cheerfully, "Oh, there's Luna." and he was off - he pulled Luna aside, to talk to her, while some other Ravenclaw girls from her year giggled manically.
"Hermione - who are you going to the Ball with?" Weasley's annoying voice sounded loudly through the Entrance Hall. I turned to see the Terrific Trio not far away from me.
"I'm not telling you, you'll just make fun of me." Hermione replied.
"You're joking, Weasley?" I said loudly, "You're not telling me someone's asked THAT to the ball? Not the long-molared Mudblood?" I wanted to see if Weasley'd try to pick another fight with me.
"Hello, Professor Moody!" Hermione shouted cheerfully, waving to someone behind me ... I jumped and looked around to see who she was waving to ... only Theo and Luna stood behind me. Cheap trick ... and what's worse, I fell for it. "Twitchy little ferret, aren't you, Malfoy?" Hermione asked, laughing ... and the Terrible Trio departed.
"That wasn't funny." I muttered.
"You should've know better, Draco ... after that Muggle-studies project, I mean - molars are in the back of your mouth - it was her incisors that were abnormally long." Theo said casually ... the third year Ravens, including Theo's girlfriend, vanishing up the stairs. I glared at Theo. "Plus, he wasn't telling you anything - he was asking her something." Theo said happily. I continued to glare, "And another thing - we saw Moody go into the Great Hall, just before we left - he'd not've finish breakfast that fast, would he?"
"Since when were you so observant?" I asked coldly.
"Since always, I just felt like saying so today." Theo replied, smirking.
* * *
"So how'd your Muggle Studies project go?" Theo asked later that day.
"Shit ... I forgot to hand it in." I replied.
"Have you finished it?" Theo asked, sitting up curiously.
"Yes ... it was confusing, but I got five rolls out of it, just by copying out a lot of the text of the book I used for reference."
"I did something similar. Copied a load of what the Slytherin Mudblood calls 'technobabble'." Theo said, nodding.
"I won't even ask." I muttered.
"You could go to the staff room and hand it in now, rather than get penalised for waiting till after the holidays. The staff aren't going home, because they all wanna see the Yule Ball." Theo suggested.
"That'd be embarrassing." I noted, "I mean, me - a Malfoy - keen to hand in a Muggle Studies homework ... the teachers are already surprised I took the course in the first place."
"Well ..." Theo said ponderously, "I could hand it in for you - save your reputation ... but you'd owe me."
"Fine. I can live with that." I replied.
"Good ... what you'll owe me is that I don't owe you anything for making you embarrass yourself with that article." Theo said, grinning evilly.
"For that, you'd need to hand in my homework report wearing nothing but women's underwear." I said coldly.
Theo actually pondered this for a moment, "It's almost worth it ..." he said, thoughtfully, "I might just do that to see the reaction of whoever opens the door ... I hope it's Moody."
"This I have to see." I said smirking.
"What is it with you and making people wear women's underwear, anyway - you made Higgs do it in second year, too." Theo asked.
"I think it's the ultimate embarrassment." I replied, "Well, second only to professing undying love for Potter ... but I knew you - and even Higgs - would refuse that one." I said, smirking evilly.
"Too true."
* * *
Theo actually went through with it, too - Snape answered the door ... and actually ignored the fact Theo was wearing anything abnormal, in favour of asking Moody something that made him have to get close enough to the door to talk to Snape, therefore also seeing Theo ... Moody - unlike Snape - didn't think it was funny (the fact Snape deliberately ignored it was all the proof we would ever have that he actually did think it was funny).
Moody's yell could be heard all through the corridor (I was listening around the corner), "What on Earth do you think you are doing, Mr Nott?!?!"
"Um ... handing in an overdue homework assignment, sir." Theo replied innocently, "It's for Professor Savage."
"What the blazes are you wearing!" Moody yelled.
"Actually, it is Blaise's." Theo answered, still managing to sound innocent.
Moody spluttered, "Detention!!"
"Thank you, sir." Theo said cheerfully.
Moody spluttered again.
"Can I see Professor Savage, now, sir? Or could you maybe hand this to him?" he asked, holding up the homework.
"Ah, is that -?" that sounded like Professor Savage.
"Yeah, he's not feeling too well, and asked me to hand it in to you." Theo said innocently.
"Nice outfit." Savage said, amused.
"Can I not have another detention for it, sir?" Theo asked hopefully.
"Why would I do that, when you are so obviously asking for it?" Savage asked, taking the homework, "I will see you in class - and dress properly, or I will have to teach you about pencil sharpeners instead of the internet."
"Meep ... yes sir." Theo squeaked.
"Silent fart ... holy fart ..." Peeves could be heard singing, in the background.
* * *
End of chapter 18
Author's Notes: Christmas gets earlier every year ... I mean, seriously, it does ... they're advertising things for Christmas 2004, on TV as I type this!
Devi: Well, I can't stand Pansy/Draco ships either, so don't worry. Actually, that whole Rita Skeeter thing was quite important. S'ok, I don't expect everyone to have no life, like I have.
kraeg001: Thanks.
Starre: Thanks.
dstrbd child: I'm lazy too ... I just channel my laziness into work, leaving me free to write fanfics.
Elizabeth: Well, I've written as far as ch20, which is the Yule Ball. I don't really know how many more chapters my GoF will be ... and then I'll start straight into OotP, so *shrugs*.
Akuma-sama: The second task? Honestly, I hadn't thought about it too much ... ok, I lied, I've thought about it in great detail, but I ain't tellin' anyone what I've planned. And I've been reviewing your fic in your Yahoo! group, anyway.
Simply Myself: What exactly do you mean by "villain karma"? *grins* glad you liked the chapter. *looks confused* where/when did I imply you ever didn't review?
duochang97: *blinks* I actually didn't notice Theo forget to thank Draco ... but you're right about that. He calls the Weasley twins that all the time.
dragonsprincess: Well, Theo can actually sing very well ... 2 or 3 on your scale ... but it's what he sings that's the problem "I know a song that'll get on your nerves" - ever heard it? It's the most annoying song ever.
Bob: I said I'd update soon, didn't I? Ok, I didn't say I'd update quite this soon, but meh.
Hrei-siesn: I agree, I find the darker characters' opinions much more interesting (I loved Tom Riddle's speech at the end of CoS - shame he forgot the key rule in being an evil overlord: "Never give the good guy time to think before you kill him ... or her"). And here's more now.
"As Binns hadn't let his own death stand in the way of continuing to teach, they supposed a small thing like Christmas wasn't going to put him off." -Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Chapter 18 - Is It Christmas Already?
"Bah humbug." I muttered, as I watched Pansy levitate a piece of mistletoe over the fireplace in the common room.
"Draco, why do you hate Christmas?" Theo asked, working on his History homework.
"Because now I can't go near the fire - I'll freeze ... stupid traditions." I muttered miserably.
"You really do hate Christmas, don't you?" Theo asked, amazed that it was even possible.
"Yes." I answered sulkily.
"Why? What did Christmas ever do to you?" Theo asked.
"You've seen the Christmas parties my father throws. Take a wild guess what I don't like about the holiday." I snarled.
"Yeah, but Hogwarts Christmas is much more fun." Theo whined.
"Yeah, right. The last time I was here for Christmas, my only friends abandoned me because they're cowards, and the two twits that follow me around got locked in a closet together and impersonated by my two worst enemies who were trying to spy on me ... I almost preferred getting caught in the middle of a Death Eater duel, at the Christmas party when I was seven. At least then I knew half of what was going on."
Theo sighed dramatically. "Are you seriously telling me you've never had a good Christmas?" he asked.
"Never." I replied with certainty, "Aside from second year - which I hated - every Christmas I can remember has had nothing but those parties, with my father and his friends getting drunk and fighting with each other ... then Mother yells at him after they've gone. Never fun - have you heard her shout? When she's mad she could put a banshee to shame."
Theo sighed.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm just worried about you, Draco ... Christmas is a time for fun, not misery."
"I can be miserable if I want to be." I noted.
Theo sighed again.
* * *
The Christmas decorations were actually quite spectacular, though. Even I couldn't miss that.
The suits of armour around the castle had been bewitched to sing carols - not something I thought anything good of until I passed one singing, "Jingle bells, the Dark Lord smells, a million miles away ... with garlic breath that smells like death, and bad B.O. I say ... oh! Jingle bells, the Dark Lord smells, a million miles away ... he smells like shit, he whiffs a bit -" Filch appeared at the end of the corridor, the singing missed a beat, then resumed with, "- now I'm going to run away!" Peeves flew out of the suit of armour, and zoomed past me away from Filch.
I sniggered as Filch ran after the poltergeist, looking murderous. I liked that variation of that song.
I was humming it when I returned to the common room that evening.
"Who gave you a personality transplant?" Blaise asked, as I walked in.
"Yeah, you're humming carols." Pansy said in a worried tone. I smirked, and continued to hum as I got out my books to work on my Potions homework, "Okay, you are freaking me out. Stop being so nice and bring the evil twin back." Pansy said shrilly.
I grinned evilly at her, "Have you heard Peeves?" I asked cheerfully.
"No." Pansy admitted.
"He seems to like the bewitched suits of armour." I noted, then turned my attention to my homework. Pansy looked confused.
* * *
"Hey, Draco - they've announced the Yule Ball, now." Pansy said, too-sweetly, at breakfast, the last week of term.
"I know." I said, uninterestedly.
"Well ...?" Pansy prompted, obviously trying to get me to ask her to the Ball.
"I as good as said it before, Pansy. If anyone wants to go to the Ball with me, they'll have to ask me - I'm not asking anyone." I said calmly.
Pansy pouted. I smirked.
"No fair, Draco." she whined.
"Life's not fair, Pansy." I replied.
Wednesday, who had been sitting across the table from us and listening in to our conversation, smiled her demonic smile, and asked, "Draco ... would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"
Pansy glared daggers at her, "No, he's mine." she snarled.
"He's not asked you, has he?" Wednesday asked. Pansy just glared. "And you've not asked him, have you?" Wednesday persisted. Pansy glared some more. "So he's fair game."
"Draco." Pansy said determinedly.
"Yes, Pansy?" I asked, smirking - I was actually enjoying the two girls fighting over me, even if I didn't have much romantic interest in either of them ... I don't think Pansy's as annoying as she used to be, but I tend to think of her more like a sister I never had, rather than a potential girlfriend ... and Wednesday just scares me.
"You're going to the Yule Ball with ME." she said firmly, as if it was an order rather than a request.
"I'll have to think about it ... I've had several people ask me, actually ... Wednesday's not the first." I said.
Pansy's jaw dropped, "Who else?" she asked, horrified.
"Millicent, Padma, Samantha, and Theo." I replied. I was actually telling the truth, too ... which is a scary thought, so I'm going to try not to think about it.
Pansy blinked, "Theo asked you to the Yule Ball?" she asked, stunned.
"Only as a joke ..." Theo's voice came from behind me, and I looked to see that he'd kicked Crabbe out of his usual seat, so he could sit beside me, "I'd already asked Luna, and I knew damned well that Draco'd say no. I just wanted to see the look on his face."
Pansy shook her head, as if clearing it of mental pictures I don't want to know about, then looked at me and pouted as cutely as she could manage, "Pretty please written in sugar quills, Draco ... will you go to the Yule Ball with me?" she asked in her sweetest tone of voice, which made her sound and look like a little kid begging you to take her to Mount Splashmore.
"Certainly, Pansy." I said, smiling.
Pansy giggled manically, and practically jumped for joy, "Yay!" she cheered.
"Pansy ... calm down ... it's just the Yule Ball ... I have not agreed to marry you." I said, more than a bit put out by the hyper girl giggling in the seat next to me.
Pansy sobered at that, "You haven't?" she asked, surprised, "I thought our parents made some sort of agreement -"
"No, they didn't ... your father got my father to say he would 'think about it' which roughly translates as 'if I feel like it'. I'm not even going to consider it while I'm still at school ... so take your delusions and your inane giggling elsewhere."
Pansy pouted, "Spoil my fun, why don't you." she said huffily.
"That's exactly what I was trying to do." I noted, smirking evilly. Pansy stood up in a huff and stormed off. "I just agreed to go to the Yule Ball with her, and this is how she reacts." I said to Theo, still smirking.
"You're evil, Draco." Theo said.
"Thank you."
* * *
"Ho ho effing ho, what a crock of shit ... we all work for Santy Claus, we've had enough, we quit ... 'cause we do all the effing work, while he stars in the show ... stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho effing ho." I heard from the Slytherin Mudblood that Peeves was stealing some of his lines from Muggle songs ... wonder what the Baron would think of that. I doubt he'd be pleased.
* * *
Weasley made a total idiot out of himself, in front of half the school, by asking the Veela-wannabie girl to the Ball ... even I'm not that stupid ... I mean, I wasn't really drooling when I looked at her - honestly ... don't look at me like that!
* * *
Cat was in hysterics, after our last class of the term. Which, unfortunately for me, had been Care of Dangerous Beasts ... and luckily for her, had been Divination.
"What's so funny?" I asked curiously.
"Finch-Fletchley ..." giggle, snigger, "In Divination class ..." snort, giggle, giggle.
"What did he do?" I asked warily.
She calmed down a little, and smiled, "Well, first ... he spent the first half-hour drawing ... then he claimed to have a horrifying vision ... then declared to Trelawney: 'You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face ... of Donald Duck' ..." she fell over laughing for a moment, before calming down enough to speak again, "Then he showed her this picture, it was hilarious ... must be a Muggle cartoon, but the idea ..." she fell into hysterics again.
"I don't get it." I said flatly.
She handed me a sketch of a ridiculous looking duck. I looked at it for a second, then sniggered, "Ok, this makes more sense." I said, amused.
"I told you it was funny." Cat giggled.
"So what did Trelawney say?" I asked curiously.
"She's keeping a wary eye out for the Beast." Cat said, still giggling.
* * *
"Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and grandpa we believe!" Peeves sang gleefully, as he floated past us, a few days later.
"I get it now." Pansy said finally, "He's singing not-real carols, to be annoying."
"Finally!" I said dramatically.
The sound of Peeves shrieking came from where he had vanished to, then he flew past us again, much much faster, this time singing hurriedly, "We wish you a crappy Christmas, we wish you a crappy Christmas, we wish you a crappy Christmas, now throw Filch in the lake!"
Pansy giggled madly, as Filch pursued Peeves, up a flight of stairs and out of sight.
* * *
The next day, Theo and I were heading out of the Great Hall after breakfast, when he asked, "Where're Dumb and Dumber, anyway?"
"I have no clue." I replied honestly, "Last I saw, they left the dorm together this morning, saying they had something they wanted to do. They weren't at breakfast, so it must've been important to them."
"I didn't think anything rated higher on their priorities than eating?" Theo asked.
I shrugged, "Who gives a damn?" I asked.
"Not me." Theo replied, cheerfully, "Oh, there's Luna." and he was off - he pulled Luna aside, to talk to her, while some other Ravenclaw girls from her year giggled manically.
"Hermione - who are you going to the Ball with?" Weasley's annoying voice sounded loudly through the Entrance Hall. I turned to see the Terrific Trio not far away from me.
"I'm not telling you, you'll just make fun of me." Hermione replied.
"You're joking, Weasley?" I said loudly, "You're not telling me someone's asked THAT to the ball? Not the long-molared Mudblood?" I wanted to see if Weasley'd try to pick another fight with me.
"Hello, Professor Moody!" Hermione shouted cheerfully, waving to someone behind me ... I jumped and looked around to see who she was waving to ... only Theo and Luna stood behind me. Cheap trick ... and what's worse, I fell for it. "Twitchy little ferret, aren't you, Malfoy?" Hermione asked, laughing ... and the Terrible Trio departed.
"That wasn't funny." I muttered.
"You should've know better, Draco ... after that Muggle-studies project, I mean - molars are in the back of your mouth - it was her incisors that were abnormally long." Theo said casually ... the third year Ravens, including Theo's girlfriend, vanishing up the stairs. I glared at Theo. "Plus, he wasn't telling you anything - he was asking her something." Theo said happily. I continued to glare, "And another thing - we saw Moody go into the Great Hall, just before we left - he'd not've finish breakfast that fast, would he?"
"Since when were you so observant?" I asked coldly.
"Since always, I just felt like saying so today." Theo replied, smirking.
* * *
"So how'd your Muggle Studies project go?" Theo asked later that day.
"Shit ... I forgot to hand it in." I replied.
"Have you finished it?" Theo asked, sitting up curiously.
"Yes ... it was confusing, but I got five rolls out of it, just by copying out a lot of the text of the book I used for reference."
"I did something similar. Copied a load of what the Slytherin Mudblood calls 'technobabble'." Theo said, nodding.
"I won't even ask." I muttered.
"You could go to the staff room and hand it in now, rather than get penalised for waiting till after the holidays. The staff aren't going home, because they all wanna see the Yule Ball." Theo suggested.
"That'd be embarrassing." I noted, "I mean, me - a Malfoy - keen to hand in a Muggle Studies homework ... the teachers are already surprised I took the course in the first place."
"Well ..." Theo said ponderously, "I could hand it in for you - save your reputation ... but you'd owe me."
"Fine. I can live with that." I replied.
"Good ... what you'll owe me is that I don't owe you anything for making you embarrass yourself with that article." Theo said, grinning evilly.
"For that, you'd need to hand in my homework report wearing nothing but women's underwear." I said coldly.
Theo actually pondered this for a moment, "It's almost worth it ..." he said, thoughtfully, "I might just do that to see the reaction of whoever opens the door ... I hope it's Moody."
"This I have to see." I said smirking.
"What is it with you and making people wear women's underwear, anyway - you made Higgs do it in second year, too." Theo asked.
"I think it's the ultimate embarrassment." I replied, "Well, second only to professing undying love for Potter ... but I knew you - and even Higgs - would refuse that one." I said, smirking evilly.
"Too true."
* * *
Theo actually went through with it, too - Snape answered the door ... and actually ignored the fact Theo was wearing anything abnormal, in favour of asking Moody something that made him have to get close enough to the door to talk to Snape, therefore also seeing Theo ... Moody - unlike Snape - didn't think it was funny (the fact Snape deliberately ignored it was all the proof we would ever have that he actually did think it was funny).
Moody's yell could be heard all through the corridor (I was listening around the corner), "What on Earth do you think you are doing, Mr Nott?!?!"
"Um ... handing in an overdue homework assignment, sir." Theo replied innocently, "It's for Professor Savage."
"What the blazes are you wearing!" Moody yelled.
"Actually, it is Blaise's." Theo answered, still managing to sound innocent.
Moody spluttered, "Detention!!"
"Thank you, sir." Theo said cheerfully.
Moody spluttered again.
"Can I see Professor Savage, now, sir? Or could you maybe hand this to him?" he asked, holding up the homework.
"Ah, is that -?" that sounded like Professor Savage.
"Yeah, he's not feeling too well, and asked me to hand it in to you." Theo said innocently.
"Nice outfit." Savage said, amused.
"Can I not have another detention for it, sir?" Theo asked hopefully.
"Why would I do that, when you are so obviously asking for it?" Savage asked, taking the homework, "I will see you in class - and dress properly, or I will have to teach you about pencil sharpeners instead of the internet."
"Meep ... yes sir." Theo squeaked.
"Silent fart ... holy fart ..." Peeves could be heard singing, in the background.
* * *
End of chapter 18