Chapter 4 - Rebuilding a Life
Severus walked half a step behind Muriel. It had been a hard thing to go to Deesia Manor. He hadn't realized that she didn't know Papa was gone. Now he kept a respectful distance, knowing she hated for anyone to see her crying. She had chosen her favorite house elf, Lupso, and sent him to Grimmauld Place with orders to take care of everyone who came through the door as if they were family.
When they reached her quarters, Muriel almost went inside and closed the door. But four solid days of crying in solitude had been enough. What she needed was company. Even though it had been years since she could feel his emotions, Severus was still her first choice. She invited him in.
Severus noticed immediately that the room was bare. Nothing covered the window or sat on the mantle. Her bed had only the sparsest coverings. He lit a fire. Without it, she would freeze in here tonight! Then he drew up two chairs, huge brown leather ones with pillows that clunked heavily to the floor. He smirked as he realized how much they resembled the chairs that had been in his father's study when they were young. He spared a thought to hope she wouldn't notice, and fell gracefully into one. It had been an exhausting day.
She threw her jacket onto the bed. It was probably time to get some decent robes again. She'd been wearing muggle clothing when the Sorting Hat brought her home, and that was all she had. She watched him as he sat, noticing where he'd gotten the chairs immediately. It triggered a memory of a fight in the library.
"It was an Occlumency book, wasn't it? That I burned in the library that day. It wasn't one of your father's dirty books at all." She felt very satisfied when he sat up smartly and turned to face her, his eyes wide. She imagined that he hadn't looked that wide-eyed since they were children.
"Yes," he answered finally. He wondered if she would be angry about the Occlumency again, but decided she must not be, when she came and sat in the other chair, gazing into the fire. He was right. She wasn't angry about that.
"Why didn't you give Harry any books to read before you started hexing him?" She turned to him sharply. "Did you expect him to just figure it out?"
This conversation was not going well. Severus sighed and passed a hand over his eyes. He tried to come up with some way to put his rationale into words. Everything he tried sounded heartless and cruel. He gave up and remained silent. When he finally got up the nerve to look over at her, he saw that she had pulled her legs up onto the chair and was crying quietly into her knees.
Wordlessly, he knelt in front of her chair and put a hand on her shoulder. A minute later she had thrown her arms around his neck. He pulled her into his lap and held her as she cried, rocking her. She'd spent a lot of time alone at Headquarters. He couldn't help but wonder if these tears were also for Black.
In the end, he decided it didn't matter. They sat together, holding each other by the fire, long after her tears had stopped.
Severus woke up abruptly to find that he was sitting on the floor, his back propped against a chair. Muriel was still asleep, her head in his lap. He looked around him again. Somehow in daylight the barren room looked even worse. He was thankful it was Saturday. Perhaps she would let him bring her old things from Deesia Manor.
He stroked her hair absentmindedly and she awoke, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?" she asked sleepily.
"Doesn't matter. It's Saturday." Muriel stood and looked sheepishly around the room.
"Not exactly home," she said quietly. "Maybe we should go back to the house and see if Papa left any of my things."
"They're all your things, now," he reminded her gently. After a week of not eating and the stress she'd been under, she looked very fragile to him. Just like the 9 year old girl who'd made herself ill worrying about him so long ago. He'd sworn to protect her from that, and he was failing miserably.
She looked at him for a moment, then nodded. He was right. She could take whatever she wanted from that place. Then perhaps she'd sell it. She'd never live there again, anyway. He talked her into eating before they left.
As they walked to Hogsmeade, the crisp autumn wind blowing her hair and making his cloak snap, he couldn't help but think back to all the times they'd made this trip as children. Things had been so different then, which was why he was startled when she took his hand.
She smiled wanly at his surprised glance, but didn't let go. They apparated together to Deesia Manor. The house elves seemed just as excited to see her today as they had been yesterday. They had washed all her robes and even cooked a meal, in case she came home and wanted to eat. Muriel thanked them all, but went directly to her bedroom. She tried on her old robes. She'd never gotten very tall, so many of them still fit. She instructed the elves to get rid of the rest, and began packing her old trunk.
"Sev? Can you go to the library and get all Papa's Occlumency books," she asked as she folded another robe. There was no more accusation in her voice, and he nodded. Half an hour later he came back with several large volumes. She placed them neatly into her trunk, and snapped it closed. "That's everything."
As they walked back toward her quarters they were surprised to find two angry looking young men standing alone in the corridor. One had his wand raised, and one was brandishing a newspaper.
"MR. MALFOY!" Mur exclaimed, just as Severus began with, "MR. POTTER!" Both boys turned with puzzled expressions on their faces as Mur turned to Severus. "Allow me," she said, her lips curving up into a smile. She turned back to the boys as Severus narrowed his eyes.
"Draco, am I correct in assuming that you were about to hex Harry?" She fought back the smile and waited.
"Yes, Professor." Something told him this would be a bad time to lie. Professor Snape looked furious.
"And what exactly did he say to you to cause you to raise your wand?"
Draco looked startled. He wasn't used to professors who actually cared WHY he was going to hex someone. "He asked me if I'd seen Lucius lately," he mumbled, looking back down at the floor. Professor Snape strode forward and took the newspaper roughly out of Harry's hand. He leaned against the nearest wall to read it, earning him odd looks from the boys, who had never seen a casual side to their feared Potions Master.
"I see," Muriel said thoughtfully. "Harry, have you seen YOUR father lately?" she asked innocently. Sev's head snapped up from the paper and Harry's mouth fell open. He closed it again hurriedly and glared at her. She could hear what he was thinking. Gryffindors always thought their anger was so righteous.
"Harry, why is it alright for you to taunt Draco about Lucius, when you obviously don't want me to taunt you about James?" When he, too, looked at the ground, she smiled a real smile. Severus was staring at her openly, finally understanding why she'd wanted to handle it.
"Draco, I'd like you to apologize to Harry for trying to hex him." Draco looked up at his smiling professor as though she'd just told him to kiss Luna Lovegood.
"What?" he sputtered. He had thought she understood! Then he mastered himself. "Malfoys do NOT apologize," he said coldly, looking at Harry.
Severus stepped away from the wall, but Mur winked at him conspiratorially, and he decided that she had it under control. He bit his cheek to keep from grinning when she answered him.
"Neither do Deesias. However, before I am a Deesia, I am Muriel." She turned to Harry. "And I'm sorry I taunted you about James. I hope that it served its purpose, however." Harry looked at the ground again and nodded. She had proven her point.
Muriel and Severus were both looking expectantly at Draco. Severus could hardly believe it when the boy spoke. "I'm sorry I tried to hex you," he said quietly.
Harry just looked at him like he'd grown cucumbers out of his ears. Muriel had to prompt him as well. "Harry? Don't you think you'd better apologize to Draco for teasing him about his father?"
"Sorry, Malfoy," Harry said at once. He really wanted to get out of here. Why couldn't she just give them detention and let them go already?
"That's not what I asked you to do, Harry," she said sharply. He looked up at her, wide-eyed. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Severus was fighting back laughter. It made him look rather constipated and she allowed herself a smile.
"I asked you to apologize to DRACO." Harry repeated his apology correctly.
"Thank you, Harry. You will serve detention in the Potions Dungeon with Professor Snape and me Monday evening. You may go." She watched as he shuffled down the hallway. At least she was sure she'd gotten through to him. When he'd rounded the corner, she waved her wand in the direction of the nearest house point counter. "30 points to Slytherin for apologizing to that insufferable prat," she said wearily. Draco smiled widely. "But you will also serve detention Monday night. Now get to bed." Draco noticed Professor Snape grinning behind her. GRINNING!
As Draco made his way down to the dungeons, he decided that he really liked Professor Deesia. Oddly enough, Harry, trudging up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower, decided the same thing. She was, above all, fair. And he appreciated it in her just as he had in Professor McGonagal.
"Lucius escaped Azkaban," Severus said as they entered her quarters again. "That must be what prompted their duel." She nodded as they began unpacking. Dealing with the boys had somehow tired her out. They reminded her so much of Severus and James.
He watched her put away her robes as he filled the bookshelf by the wardrobe. She looked exhausted. As she went back to her trunk to begin filling drawers he felt a sharp pain in his arm, and clutched it, swearing softly.
Muriel turned to look at him, fear settling on her face when she saw him holding his arm. He would have to go, and now. She felt the tears starting in her eyes.
"I've got to – "
"I know." She closed her eyes as he headed for the door. The pain in his arm was becoming steadily more insistent.
"Mur, I – "
"Be careful, Sev. Come home."
Severus made his way to Hogsmeade, stringing swear words together like popcorn garland. EVERY TIME he thought he'd get a chance to talk to her, the mark would call him. Ever since he'd taken the damn thing during the Christmas Holiday of their 5th year. It was a timely reminder that he was in far too dangerous a predicament to be falling in love. How could he ask her to deal with this kind of fear?
The only problem was that he had always been in love. And she was already afraid. He cleared his mind and disapparated as soon as he was off Hogwarts grounds.
Severus walked half a step behind Muriel. It had been a hard thing to go to Deesia Manor. He hadn't realized that she didn't know Papa was gone. Now he kept a respectful distance, knowing she hated for anyone to see her crying. She had chosen her favorite house elf, Lupso, and sent him to Grimmauld Place with orders to take care of everyone who came through the door as if they were family.
When they reached her quarters, Muriel almost went inside and closed the door. But four solid days of crying in solitude had been enough. What she needed was company. Even though it had been years since she could feel his emotions, Severus was still her first choice. She invited him in.
Severus noticed immediately that the room was bare. Nothing covered the window or sat on the mantle. Her bed had only the sparsest coverings. He lit a fire. Without it, she would freeze in here tonight! Then he drew up two chairs, huge brown leather ones with pillows that clunked heavily to the floor. He smirked as he realized how much they resembled the chairs that had been in his father's study when they were young. He spared a thought to hope she wouldn't notice, and fell gracefully into one. It had been an exhausting day.
She threw her jacket onto the bed. It was probably time to get some decent robes again. She'd been wearing muggle clothing when the Sorting Hat brought her home, and that was all she had. She watched him as he sat, noticing where he'd gotten the chairs immediately. It triggered a memory of a fight in the library.
"It was an Occlumency book, wasn't it? That I burned in the library that day. It wasn't one of your father's dirty books at all." She felt very satisfied when he sat up smartly and turned to face her, his eyes wide. She imagined that he hadn't looked that wide-eyed since they were children.
"Yes," he answered finally. He wondered if she would be angry about the Occlumency again, but decided she must not be, when she came and sat in the other chair, gazing into the fire. He was right. She wasn't angry about that.
"Why didn't you give Harry any books to read before you started hexing him?" She turned to him sharply. "Did you expect him to just figure it out?"
This conversation was not going well. Severus sighed and passed a hand over his eyes. He tried to come up with some way to put his rationale into words. Everything he tried sounded heartless and cruel. He gave up and remained silent. When he finally got up the nerve to look over at her, he saw that she had pulled her legs up onto the chair and was crying quietly into her knees.
Wordlessly, he knelt in front of her chair and put a hand on her shoulder. A minute later she had thrown her arms around his neck. He pulled her into his lap and held her as she cried, rocking her. She'd spent a lot of time alone at Headquarters. He couldn't help but wonder if these tears were also for Black.
In the end, he decided it didn't matter. They sat together, holding each other by the fire, long after her tears had stopped.
Severus woke up abruptly to find that he was sitting on the floor, his back propped against a chair. Muriel was still asleep, her head in his lap. He looked around him again. Somehow in daylight the barren room looked even worse. He was thankful it was Saturday. Perhaps she would let him bring her old things from Deesia Manor.
He stroked her hair absentmindedly and she awoke, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?" she asked sleepily.
"Doesn't matter. It's Saturday." Muriel stood and looked sheepishly around the room.
"Not exactly home," she said quietly. "Maybe we should go back to the house and see if Papa left any of my things."
"They're all your things, now," he reminded her gently. After a week of not eating and the stress she'd been under, she looked very fragile to him. Just like the 9 year old girl who'd made herself ill worrying about him so long ago. He'd sworn to protect her from that, and he was failing miserably.
She looked at him for a moment, then nodded. He was right. She could take whatever she wanted from that place. Then perhaps she'd sell it. She'd never live there again, anyway. He talked her into eating before they left.
As they walked to Hogsmeade, the crisp autumn wind blowing her hair and making his cloak snap, he couldn't help but think back to all the times they'd made this trip as children. Things had been so different then, which was why he was startled when she took his hand.
She smiled wanly at his surprised glance, but didn't let go. They apparated together to Deesia Manor. The house elves seemed just as excited to see her today as they had been yesterday. They had washed all her robes and even cooked a meal, in case she came home and wanted to eat. Muriel thanked them all, but went directly to her bedroom. She tried on her old robes. She'd never gotten very tall, so many of them still fit. She instructed the elves to get rid of the rest, and began packing her old trunk.
"Sev? Can you go to the library and get all Papa's Occlumency books," she asked as she folded another robe. There was no more accusation in her voice, and he nodded. Half an hour later he came back with several large volumes. She placed them neatly into her trunk, and snapped it closed. "That's everything."
As they walked back toward her quarters they were surprised to find two angry looking young men standing alone in the corridor. One had his wand raised, and one was brandishing a newspaper.
"MR. MALFOY!" Mur exclaimed, just as Severus began with, "MR. POTTER!" Both boys turned with puzzled expressions on their faces as Mur turned to Severus. "Allow me," she said, her lips curving up into a smile. She turned back to the boys as Severus narrowed his eyes.
"Draco, am I correct in assuming that you were about to hex Harry?" She fought back the smile and waited.
"Yes, Professor." Something told him this would be a bad time to lie. Professor Snape looked furious.
"And what exactly did he say to you to cause you to raise your wand?"
Draco looked startled. He wasn't used to professors who actually cared WHY he was going to hex someone. "He asked me if I'd seen Lucius lately," he mumbled, looking back down at the floor. Professor Snape strode forward and took the newspaper roughly out of Harry's hand. He leaned against the nearest wall to read it, earning him odd looks from the boys, who had never seen a casual side to their feared Potions Master.
"I see," Muriel said thoughtfully. "Harry, have you seen YOUR father lately?" she asked innocently. Sev's head snapped up from the paper and Harry's mouth fell open. He closed it again hurriedly and glared at her. She could hear what he was thinking. Gryffindors always thought their anger was so righteous.
"Harry, why is it alright for you to taunt Draco about Lucius, when you obviously don't want me to taunt you about James?" When he, too, looked at the ground, she smiled a real smile. Severus was staring at her openly, finally understanding why she'd wanted to handle it.
"Draco, I'd like you to apologize to Harry for trying to hex him." Draco looked up at his smiling professor as though she'd just told him to kiss Luna Lovegood.
"What?" he sputtered. He had thought she understood! Then he mastered himself. "Malfoys do NOT apologize," he said coldly, looking at Harry.
Severus stepped away from the wall, but Mur winked at him conspiratorially, and he decided that she had it under control. He bit his cheek to keep from grinning when she answered him.
"Neither do Deesias. However, before I am a Deesia, I am Muriel." She turned to Harry. "And I'm sorry I taunted you about James. I hope that it served its purpose, however." Harry looked at the ground again and nodded. She had proven her point.
Muriel and Severus were both looking expectantly at Draco. Severus could hardly believe it when the boy spoke. "I'm sorry I tried to hex you," he said quietly.
Harry just looked at him like he'd grown cucumbers out of his ears. Muriel had to prompt him as well. "Harry? Don't you think you'd better apologize to Draco for teasing him about his father?"
"Sorry, Malfoy," Harry said at once. He really wanted to get out of here. Why couldn't she just give them detention and let them go already?
"That's not what I asked you to do, Harry," she said sharply. He looked up at her, wide-eyed. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Severus was fighting back laughter. It made him look rather constipated and she allowed herself a smile.
"I asked you to apologize to DRACO." Harry repeated his apology correctly.
"Thank you, Harry. You will serve detention in the Potions Dungeon with Professor Snape and me Monday evening. You may go." She watched as he shuffled down the hallway. At least she was sure she'd gotten through to him. When he'd rounded the corner, she waved her wand in the direction of the nearest house point counter. "30 points to Slytherin for apologizing to that insufferable prat," she said wearily. Draco smiled widely. "But you will also serve detention Monday night. Now get to bed." Draco noticed Professor Snape grinning behind her. GRINNING!
As Draco made his way down to the dungeons, he decided that he really liked Professor Deesia. Oddly enough, Harry, trudging up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower, decided the same thing. She was, above all, fair. And he appreciated it in her just as he had in Professor McGonagal.
"Lucius escaped Azkaban," Severus said as they entered her quarters again. "That must be what prompted their duel." She nodded as they began unpacking. Dealing with the boys had somehow tired her out. They reminded her so much of Severus and James.
He watched her put away her robes as he filled the bookshelf by the wardrobe. She looked exhausted. As she went back to her trunk to begin filling drawers he felt a sharp pain in his arm, and clutched it, swearing softly.
Muriel turned to look at him, fear settling on her face when she saw him holding his arm. He would have to go, and now. She felt the tears starting in her eyes.
"I've got to – "
"I know." She closed her eyes as he headed for the door. The pain in his arm was becoming steadily more insistent.
"Mur, I – "
"Be careful, Sev. Come home."
Severus made his way to Hogsmeade, stringing swear words together like popcorn garland. EVERY TIME he thought he'd get a chance to talk to her, the mark would call him. Ever since he'd taken the damn thing during the Christmas Holiday of their 5th year. It was a timely reminder that he was in far too dangerous a predicament to be falling in love. How could he ask her to deal with this kind of fear?
The only problem was that he had always been in love. And she was already afraid. He cleared his mind and disapparated as soon as he was off Hogwarts grounds.