I know I said it would be done last night, but my best friend called from Texas and once you get us talkin there's no shutting us up. Really sorry for the delay.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.
Easily Amused: I'm Not Seein' The Birdies Yet
Thursday
I pace around my room like a caged animal. No, I take that back. Like a ravenous, rabid tiger yearning for a taste of blood. My target: The door. See, the way I figure it, I can knock down the door and take out both guards. All the while, running to my beloved Shigure and then run away to India or Happy,Texas. Yeah, i'm not buying it either. But I will surely try the knocking the door down idea. I mean, i'm strong. I can beat up bad guys like they had just walked off the Batman set from the sixties. I calmly walk back to the patio door so that I have a good running start. Those are important, you know. I run towards the barrier with my goal in mind. SMACK!! My shoulder and skull make a dull impact with the door and I suddenly find myself moaning on the floor instead of sprinting triumphantly down the hallway.
Have you ever seen a cartoon run into something and then fall over comically with teenie little birds flying in circles over their head? Yeah, I'm not seein' the birdies yet. All i'm getting are these bright, colorful spots and a blunt pain. Alllllright then. On to Plan B. Do I even have a Plan B? No, of course not. I know, I know. Smart people always come up with a backup plan, but I thought for sure that the stupid hotel door would come crashing down. How wrong I was. Mental post-it: Give Hotel Americana props for their sturdy doors.
"My father is the one who pays you guys. The least you can do is let me see her!! Just for an hour!!" Hey I knew that voice. Patricia!!
"I'm sorry Ms. Patricia. But Mr. Monroe has given us strict orders concerning Ms. LaFayette. She is not to receive any visitors." How rude!! What if I ordered room service? Then what?!
"Do I look like any old visitor?! You will let me in at this instant or you will face losing your jobs!" Wow. Must be nice to have a father who has like, fifty bajillion dollars. I wish I had that much. Then maybe I wouldn't be locked up by my evil kinfolk. The guards must have accepted her scare tactic, for I soon heard the click of the door opening and soft footsteps scampering over the plush carpet. However, I was still groaning on the ground and holding my head. "Dusty?! Duuuuusty!!" I opened my eyes, trying my hardest to squeeze out the bright blobs and recognizing the double visions of Patricia. Ugh...
"I didn't know you had a twin...." The bouncy redhead gawked at me for a moment before smiling and pulling me up from the floor.
"How did you end up on the floor anyway, Dusty?" I pointed to the door and gave a glare worthy of Hitler himself. Patricia followed my heated gaze to my only way out, a small grin tugging at her mouth. She was trying not to laugh. "You thought you would break down the door? How ingenius." I rubbed at my noodle once more.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." And it had. I had seen silver screen hunks do it all the time. Granted, i'm not a silver screen hunk but I knew a girl who came within five feet of getting one's autograph. That makes us family, practically. I watched Patricia dig through her purse.
"I brought some things for you to entertain yourself with. I still can't believe your father put you under house arrest. What did you do to deserve such a harsh punishment?" I began to dig through the bag of objects, praying that there was at least one movie with Orlando Bloom. I would be content for the rest of my vacation if I could lay eyes on the hunky Englishman for an hour and forty five minutes. I stopped my digging and gave my newly found friend a lop sided grin. The kind that you would get from Beavis. Or Butt-head. I'm not too picky.
"I SO scored...."I sighed, noting that I was barracaded inside my hotel room instead of in bed with Shigure. Damn my morals. Who needs them anyway?! Certainly not me!! "Could you do me a favor and tell Shigure what has happened and that I can't meet him downtown for my birthday?" The two of us had talked about taking me out for the big one-nine and I graciously accepted the offer, not knowing what my father's intentions were. Patricia was giddy with exicitement. Geez, if I knew my pain would bring her this much pleasure...
"I'll tell him what your father did, but I promise you that you will be out of here by tonight!" I quirked an eyebrow. She was crazier than I!! At least I had a goal. A goal that could've broken my shoulder, but a goal nonetheless. She carefully pulled out a violet pouch and handed it to me. "Inside there is a herb my grandmother uses to put my grandfather to sleep at night. See, he believes aliens exist and never sleeps; just so he can catach a glimpse of the beings. She slips this stuff into his tea and BOOM! He's out like a baby!" She winked at me, gathering up the things she had laid out. And I, well, I was astonished at my friend's slyness. Looks can obviously be deceiving.
The tea was a simple recipe my Nana had taught me at age three. I didn't catch on until I was twelve, though. See, Nana would teach me, i'd make it, and then spill it. My eye-foot coordination didn't develop until I was twelve. I sat four steaming cups on a tray and began to head out to the patio. The two men were laughing about some odd topic, but stood up to greet me when I slid open the door. Well, at least they were gentlemen.
"I thought you guys might like some tea. Real Louisiana brew. Straight from the south." The guards thanked me and took the cups. I then set out to do the same act with the front door guys. They also snatched up the 'special brew'. Now it was just a matter of time.
Ah, behold the power of herbal drinks. I slipped past the napping guards, grabbing my coat in the hasty process, and ran out the door. Freedom!! I could hear Aretha Franklin bellowing the powerful lyrics in my head as I forced myself to edge closer and closer to the rotating door. Never has such a contraption looked so great!! But just as my version of the golden gates came into view, so did Sage Braum. All five foot ten inches of her plus heels. I tried stopping, really I did. But I couldn't, and smacked right into the hussy. Before I knew what was happening, two pairs of large arms wrapped themselves around my upper and lower body. Dammit Patricia!! Next time give me a time limit. Sage Braum smirked at me while picking herself up and dusting off the cheap excuse of material she wore.
"Dusty!! I should've known!! Just came back from Shigure's. He sends his hellos!!" I grabbed onto the corner of a near hallway, computing what the woman had just said to me. Was she speculating that I would get jealous at that remark? Of course I wouldn't. I'm calm, i'm cool, i'm as tranquil as the morning sea, i'm........I am SO friggin furious!!!! Who am I kidding anyway? What gives her the right to burst in here, actually into me, and say that her and Shigure have a thing going on?! I'M the he asked to come home with! I'M the one he pursues night and day! I'M the one who spent the night with him!! I'M the one who woke up next to him!! And most of all, I'M the one he said he loves!! Take THAT Ms. 'I wear makeup like it was the last energy source on Earth'!!
I somehow untangled myself from my appointed thugs and stormed over to the Jezebel. I knew that my hair was disheveled and my clothes a little more than wrinkled. But I was on fire, and there is nothing worse than a Cajun who feels like her territory is threatened. And she was basically wiping her feet on my welcome mat!! With a bellowing war cry, I lunged at her, taking her down with a luggage cart. My six foot nothing babysitters were on the scene quickly, pulling at my shirt collar. I came up, trying my best to remain cool. I could see now that I really had to work on my people skills.
"He doesn't want you anymore Dusty! He's found something much, much better!!", she yelled after me. That's it!! I calmly strode up to her, my death glare set on kill.
"What's better than me, Sage? Trash? Cause you have that part down perfectly." She snickered at my petty comment. I was tired of it. So what does someone do when they're tired of hearing something? Shut it up of course. And I did. With my right fist and a blow powerful enough to knock out a sumo wrestler. "Crash and burn biatch!!" I made sure she heard every single spit filled remark. I then let the guards take me back upstairs.
Friendship with the imposter Italians was inevitable after my little catfight. They laughed and complimented me all the way back to the hotel room and even dubbed me 'Firecracker'. I thought it a bit annoying at first but soon found a liking towards it. I guess it was better than 'kid'. They didn't really bother with names much. I learned that the big guy went by the name of Santino and the scrawny bald one was called Charlie. And after my little incident with Sage Braum, my father insisted they stay inside the room and never to accept a drink from me again. Which I partially agree with. I couldn't be trusted at this point. I was desperate. I might even try poisoning them if I had the resources.
Even now, as I play Go Fish! with them, I can't help but wonder about my tiny problem of getting the hell out of dodge. I also ponder the fact if Santino is cheating. Because if he is...
"Go Fish!!" What?! Impossible! I lean back in my chair, taking in the entire game. I suck on a candy cigarette, which I only received through my previous winnings.
"Let me check your sleeves." Both men looked at each other before breaking out into a hysterical fit of manly giggles. Santino gawked at me, wiping away a small tear from the corner of his eye. I kid you not, sir.
"You think i'm cheating?!" No, I think you're Count Chocula. Of course I do! His expression turned serious as he witnessed my never changing attitude. "I don't cheat!!"
"I think you did, Santino." I leaned back in the sturdy chair, ready for any involuntary anger driven towards me. Why were men so particualr about cheating anyway?
"I'm telling you I didn't cheat!!" His large palms swamped the table with force, causing the deck to move an inch to the right. I returned the gesture, not moving the deck nearly as much as Santino.
"And i'm saying you did!!"
"Brat!!"
"Cheater!!"
"Alright you two. Settle down." Charlie was in between me and the ogre who was supposed to be guarding me. I pointed at the large man defensively.
"Well then tell Magilla Gorilla to admit it when he's been defeated!"
"I didn't cheat!!!"
The night had ended with my father dismissing my guards, thank the Lord for that. But my torture was far from over. As soon as Santino and Charlie left the premises, my father waspicking up the phone, dialing my mother's number. Aw, hell no! You got yourself into this one, pal. Don't EVEN think of involving my mother. I shoved my hand down to disconnect him from my mother's voice. I'd be damned in my bowl of ashes if I was going to bring my mom into this. I knew how this maniac work. First, he'd tell her about my attitude. Duh, she already knows I have one. That's not a big surprise there. Then he'd say I was out of control. Which, on the contrary, is completely wrong. I'm not OUT of control, he just doesn't have ANY control. Then he'd go on and on about how I was a terrible influence on the people around me, Patricia and Elijah for example. He simply shrugged at my attempt to stop his punishment call and pulled out his cellphone. I hate modern technology. His deep voice was soon resonating through my hotel room.
"Maggie, we have a problem." Maggie we have a problem. Original. "Dusty's attitude....right." Attitude:check. "She's outta control Maggie." Out of control: check. "And she's been a terrible influence on my investor's daughter." Check and double check. "And she's been sleeping around with a popular writer." Whoa! Hold the phone!! Where did THAT come from?! I quickly pounced on my bed and scrambled over to the hotel phone. My fingers were quicker than I thought.
"Mom?"
"Dusty?" Her voice was worried and I knew for a fact what she was worried over. She has warned me about the dangers of sex before I knew what a friggin tampon was. Trust me, the birds and the bees talk could've waited until the pictures on the back of the tampon box had been explained. "Young lady, do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?" Oh, this is ridiculous. I can understand why she's upset -"DUSTY?! Are you even listening?" Okay, she's hotter than authentic salsa in the bloodstream of a southern donkey.
"Yes...but Momma...you have to listen to me...."
"You went off and slept with someone you hardly know. And then expect me to smile upon something like that?"
"Momma, it's not like that...." She wasn't backing down without a fight. I watched my father close his cellphone with a smirk riding upon his features.
"What's this man's name? How old is he? Does he have a good job? Does he have any STD's?" Funny, she wonders about his job before diseases. I love you too, Ma.
"Momma...his name is Shigure, he's 27, he owns his own house.."
"27??!!" Maybe I should've left that part out. My father quietly shut the door behind him as my mother's screeching voice nearly deafened me. But I was certain of one thing and one thing only. This was far from over. This meant war, old man. Prepare to meet your match.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.
Easily Amused: I'm Not Seein' The Birdies Yet
Thursday
I pace around my room like a caged animal. No, I take that back. Like a ravenous, rabid tiger yearning for a taste of blood. My target: The door. See, the way I figure it, I can knock down the door and take out both guards. All the while, running to my beloved Shigure and then run away to India or Happy,Texas. Yeah, i'm not buying it either. But I will surely try the knocking the door down idea. I mean, i'm strong. I can beat up bad guys like they had just walked off the Batman set from the sixties. I calmly walk back to the patio door so that I have a good running start. Those are important, you know. I run towards the barrier with my goal in mind. SMACK!! My shoulder and skull make a dull impact with the door and I suddenly find myself moaning on the floor instead of sprinting triumphantly down the hallway.
Have you ever seen a cartoon run into something and then fall over comically with teenie little birds flying in circles over their head? Yeah, I'm not seein' the birdies yet. All i'm getting are these bright, colorful spots and a blunt pain. Alllllright then. On to Plan B. Do I even have a Plan B? No, of course not. I know, I know. Smart people always come up with a backup plan, but I thought for sure that the stupid hotel door would come crashing down. How wrong I was. Mental post-it: Give Hotel Americana props for their sturdy doors.
"My father is the one who pays you guys. The least you can do is let me see her!! Just for an hour!!" Hey I knew that voice. Patricia!!
"I'm sorry Ms. Patricia. But Mr. Monroe has given us strict orders concerning Ms. LaFayette. She is not to receive any visitors." How rude!! What if I ordered room service? Then what?!
"Do I look like any old visitor?! You will let me in at this instant or you will face losing your jobs!" Wow. Must be nice to have a father who has like, fifty bajillion dollars. I wish I had that much. Then maybe I wouldn't be locked up by my evil kinfolk. The guards must have accepted her scare tactic, for I soon heard the click of the door opening and soft footsteps scampering over the plush carpet. However, I was still groaning on the ground and holding my head. "Dusty?! Duuuuusty!!" I opened my eyes, trying my hardest to squeeze out the bright blobs and recognizing the double visions of Patricia. Ugh...
"I didn't know you had a twin...." The bouncy redhead gawked at me for a moment before smiling and pulling me up from the floor.
"How did you end up on the floor anyway, Dusty?" I pointed to the door and gave a glare worthy of Hitler himself. Patricia followed my heated gaze to my only way out, a small grin tugging at her mouth. She was trying not to laugh. "You thought you would break down the door? How ingenius." I rubbed at my noodle once more.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." And it had. I had seen silver screen hunks do it all the time. Granted, i'm not a silver screen hunk but I knew a girl who came within five feet of getting one's autograph. That makes us family, practically. I watched Patricia dig through her purse.
"I brought some things for you to entertain yourself with. I still can't believe your father put you under house arrest. What did you do to deserve such a harsh punishment?" I began to dig through the bag of objects, praying that there was at least one movie with Orlando Bloom. I would be content for the rest of my vacation if I could lay eyes on the hunky Englishman for an hour and forty five minutes. I stopped my digging and gave my newly found friend a lop sided grin. The kind that you would get from Beavis. Or Butt-head. I'm not too picky.
"I SO scored...."I sighed, noting that I was barracaded inside my hotel room instead of in bed with Shigure. Damn my morals. Who needs them anyway?! Certainly not me!! "Could you do me a favor and tell Shigure what has happened and that I can't meet him downtown for my birthday?" The two of us had talked about taking me out for the big one-nine and I graciously accepted the offer, not knowing what my father's intentions were. Patricia was giddy with exicitement. Geez, if I knew my pain would bring her this much pleasure...
"I'll tell him what your father did, but I promise you that you will be out of here by tonight!" I quirked an eyebrow. She was crazier than I!! At least I had a goal. A goal that could've broken my shoulder, but a goal nonetheless. She carefully pulled out a violet pouch and handed it to me. "Inside there is a herb my grandmother uses to put my grandfather to sleep at night. See, he believes aliens exist and never sleeps; just so he can catach a glimpse of the beings. She slips this stuff into his tea and BOOM! He's out like a baby!" She winked at me, gathering up the things she had laid out. And I, well, I was astonished at my friend's slyness. Looks can obviously be deceiving.
The tea was a simple recipe my Nana had taught me at age three. I didn't catch on until I was twelve, though. See, Nana would teach me, i'd make it, and then spill it. My eye-foot coordination didn't develop until I was twelve. I sat four steaming cups on a tray and began to head out to the patio. The two men were laughing about some odd topic, but stood up to greet me when I slid open the door. Well, at least they were gentlemen.
"I thought you guys might like some tea. Real Louisiana brew. Straight from the south." The guards thanked me and took the cups. I then set out to do the same act with the front door guys. They also snatched up the 'special brew'. Now it was just a matter of time.
Ah, behold the power of herbal drinks. I slipped past the napping guards, grabbing my coat in the hasty process, and ran out the door. Freedom!! I could hear Aretha Franklin bellowing the powerful lyrics in my head as I forced myself to edge closer and closer to the rotating door. Never has such a contraption looked so great!! But just as my version of the golden gates came into view, so did Sage Braum. All five foot ten inches of her plus heels. I tried stopping, really I did. But I couldn't, and smacked right into the hussy. Before I knew what was happening, two pairs of large arms wrapped themselves around my upper and lower body. Dammit Patricia!! Next time give me a time limit. Sage Braum smirked at me while picking herself up and dusting off the cheap excuse of material she wore.
"Dusty!! I should've known!! Just came back from Shigure's. He sends his hellos!!" I grabbed onto the corner of a near hallway, computing what the woman had just said to me. Was she speculating that I would get jealous at that remark? Of course I wouldn't. I'm calm, i'm cool, i'm as tranquil as the morning sea, i'm........I am SO friggin furious!!!! Who am I kidding anyway? What gives her the right to burst in here, actually into me, and say that her and Shigure have a thing going on?! I'M the he asked to come home with! I'M the one he pursues night and day! I'M the one who spent the night with him!! I'M the one who woke up next to him!! And most of all, I'M the one he said he loves!! Take THAT Ms. 'I wear makeup like it was the last energy source on Earth'!!
I somehow untangled myself from my appointed thugs and stormed over to the Jezebel. I knew that my hair was disheveled and my clothes a little more than wrinkled. But I was on fire, and there is nothing worse than a Cajun who feels like her territory is threatened. And she was basically wiping her feet on my welcome mat!! With a bellowing war cry, I lunged at her, taking her down with a luggage cart. My six foot nothing babysitters were on the scene quickly, pulling at my shirt collar. I came up, trying my best to remain cool. I could see now that I really had to work on my people skills.
"He doesn't want you anymore Dusty! He's found something much, much better!!", she yelled after me. That's it!! I calmly strode up to her, my death glare set on kill.
"What's better than me, Sage? Trash? Cause you have that part down perfectly." She snickered at my petty comment. I was tired of it. So what does someone do when they're tired of hearing something? Shut it up of course. And I did. With my right fist and a blow powerful enough to knock out a sumo wrestler. "Crash and burn biatch!!" I made sure she heard every single spit filled remark. I then let the guards take me back upstairs.
Friendship with the imposter Italians was inevitable after my little catfight. They laughed and complimented me all the way back to the hotel room and even dubbed me 'Firecracker'. I thought it a bit annoying at first but soon found a liking towards it. I guess it was better than 'kid'. They didn't really bother with names much. I learned that the big guy went by the name of Santino and the scrawny bald one was called Charlie. And after my little incident with Sage Braum, my father insisted they stay inside the room and never to accept a drink from me again. Which I partially agree with. I couldn't be trusted at this point. I was desperate. I might even try poisoning them if I had the resources.
Even now, as I play Go Fish! with them, I can't help but wonder about my tiny problem of getting the hell out of dodge. I also ponder the fact if Santino is cheating. Because if he is...
"Go Fish!!" What?! Impossible! I lean back in my chair, taking in the entire game. I suck on a candy cigarette, which I only received through my previous winnings.
"Let me check your sleeves." Both men looked at each other before breaking out into a hysterical fit of manly giggles. Santino gawked at me, wiping away a small tear from the corner of his eye. I kid you not, sir.
"You think i'm cheating?!" No, I think you're Count Chocula. Of course I do! His expression turned serious as he witnessed my never changing attitude. "I don't cheat!!"
"I think you did, Santino." I leaned back in the sturdy chair, ready for any involuntary anger driven towards me. Why were men so particualr about cheating anyway?
"I'm telling you I didn't cheat!!" His large palms swamped the table with force, causing the deck to move an inch to the right. I returned the gesture, not moving the deck nearly as much as Santino.
"And i'm saying you did!!"
"Brat!!"
"Cheater!!"
"Alright you two. Settle down." Charlie was in between me and the ogre who was supposed to be guarding me. I pointed at the large man defensively.
"Well then tell Magilla Gorilla to admit it when he's been defeated!"
"I didn't cheat!!!"
The night had ended with my father dismissing my guards, thank the Lord for that. But my torture was far from over. As soon as Santino and Charlie left the premises, my father waspicking up the phone, dialing my mother's number. Aw, hell no! You got yourself into this one, pal. Don't EVEN think of involving my mother. I shoved my hand down to disconnect him from my mother's voice. I'd be damned in my bowl of ashes if I was going to bring my mom into this. I knew how this maniac work. First, he'd tell her about my attitude. Duh, she already knows I have one. That's not a big surprise there. Then he'd say I was out of control. Which, on the contrary, is completely wrong. I'm not OUT of control, he just doesn't have ANY control. Then he'd go on and on about how I was a terrible influence on the people around me, Patricia and Elijah for example. He simply shrugged at my attempt to stop his punishment call and pulled out his cellphone. I hate modern technology. His deep voice was soon resonating through my hotel room.
"Maggie, we have a problem." Maggie we have a problem. Original. "Dusty's attitude....right." Attitude:check. "She's outta control Maggie." Out of control: check. "And she's been a terrible influence on my investor's daughter." Check and double check. "And she's been sleeping around with a popular writer." Whoa! Hold the phone!! Where did THAT come from?! I quickly pounced on my bed and scrambled over to the hotel phone. My fingers were quicker than I thought.
"Mom?"
"Dusty?" Her voice was worried and I knew for a fact what she was worried over. She has warned me about the dangers of sex before I knew what a friggin tampon was. Trust me, the birds and the bees talk could've waited until the pictures on the back of the tampon box had been explained. "Young lady, do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?" Oh, this is ridiculous. I can understand why she's upset -"DUSTY?! Are you even listening?" Okay, she's hotter than authentic salsa in the bloodstream of a southern donkey.
"Yes...but Momma...you have to listen to me...."
"You went off and slept with someone you hardly know. And then expect me to smile upon something like that?"
"Momma, it's not like that...." She wasn't backing down without a fight. I watched my father close his cellphone with a smirk riding upon his features.
"What's this man's name? How old is he? Does he have a good job? Does he have any STD's?" Funny, she wonders about his job before diseases. I love you too, Ma.
"Momma...his name is Shigure, he's 27, he owns his own house.."
"27??!!" Maybe I should've left that part out. My father quietly shut the door behind him as my mother's screeching voice nearly deafened me. But I was certain of one thing and one thing only. This was far from over. This meant war, old man. Prepare to meet your match.