A/N: I think I may be able to squeeze out a few more chapters....crosses fingers. And i'll try to do it before Thursday cause that's when i'm moving back to my hometown! If I can't, then i'll leave a few one shots for everyone to keep preoccupied with until I get situated enough to begin writing again. Fair?

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket

Easily Amused : I'll Be Your Dairy Queen If You'll Be My Burger King

"It's irrational, it's impossible -it's against my religion."
"You're gay. I don't recall a single religion that deals with the sin of a gay man getting drunk beside a straight woman."
"Yet. They're discovering new things everyday."
This was the first topic of conversation between me and my newly found roommate Jeeves. I doubted seriously if his name was actually Jeeves but I figured that if it floats his boat, then more power to him. Jeeves, to say the least, is nothing like the computer search engine butler. For one thing, mine is gay, and has a full head of hair. Sure, that full head of hair has enough gel to fuel a British vehicle, but it's there. He dresses very wildly, mix matching colors and patterns to fit his mood. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this bee preferred his fellow honey makers. We're talking stinger against stinger here. But we became friends instantly and I soon found myself relying on him for the friendship I craved from Patricia and Becky. Did I mention he was from London? I had asked him once if he knew Elijah and he laughed at me. Remember how I said that the cutest Brit was Prince William but Elijah was so close it was scary? That goes for social status too. In the one week I had been residing in Japan, Jeeves had been my savior. The area of the college was unknown to me, nothing like the suave streets of tourist lane. But Jeeves gladly took me in, considering there were very few cheap rooms available on campus.
We didn't intend on getting plastered that night. Or, at least I hadn't intended to. The man who owns the quaint cafe I work nights at, Shoni, is a terribly old drunkard. But he had also 'adopted' me and took Jeeves and I out on Friday nights. Note that it was to get himself drunk, but he always proved to be good entertainment. This night wasn't any different except it wasn't a Friday and Peaches was working. Another eccentric being of Japan. She was tall and muscular and had the most unique tangerine dreadlocks I had ever seen. It went well with her giant brown eyes. But that was Peaches. She also had quite the attitude. Almost as bad as mine or Jeeves. Almost. She served Shoni another beer and loaded her tray up to deliver to a few college grads.
My life so far has been pretty peaceful. I made an effort to locate Elijah and Patricia but it's like they have disappeared off the face of Japan. I work part time at what I guess you could call a dojo. Hell if I know. Peaches has tried to teach me the language, considering she's a native to Japan, but i'm not the best student. The rest of my time is either spent studying photography or working at Shoni's cafe. The few hours I have afterwards are spent sleeping next to Jeeves' cat on the sofa. I haven't decided yet if I wanted to contact any of the Sohmas. I trust Nana's judgement in devine intervention but I still have my pride. I was dumped on and I refuse to go back to Shigure as of right now. And who says he'll even take me anyway? I slightly nudge Jeeves' crimson shoulder and nod towards the door.
"What?"
"Come on. I'm stuck with an extra shift at that dioji or whatever it's called." Sometimes I wonder why I spend so much time with this man.
"So? I never told you to take two part time jobs." I rolled my eyes, grabbing the small bag I use to carry my things in. Alright, so it could be used as a suitcase, depending on how you look at it. But it's highly more fashionable than a clunky suitcase.
"Nooooo! I need a test dummy!"
"No way. Besides, that's what the students are for." Yeah, like i'm going to beat up on Japanese preteen girls. "Anyway, I have to get up early for work tomorrow." There's only one other person who could possibly take the place of a pervert trying to attack me from behind, and I could only hope that the man wouldn't refuse.
"What about you Shoni?" The old man lifted his head from the table and glared at me. The man could get freaky sometimes.
"What's in it for me?" Stupid me. I should've stated the right price for negotiations a long time ago. I would've made a great entrepreneur, but no. I chose photography.
"A bottle of whiskey and the chance to ogle young girls." My offer was tight but I knew I had pulled in the big fish. The cafe owner popped up from the stool and greeted me with a large smile. Yep, he was hooked.
"Then let's go!!" He began a hasty walk towards the door as I gave my farewell to Jeeves and Peaches. Shoni was already halfway down the block when I managed to catch up with him. He was full of glee and I regretted not telling him he had to keep his hands to himself when ogling. But, that's what a self defense class is for anyway - knocking the daylights out of perverted old men.

"Okay, now the first move i'm going to try on my friend Shoni is the nose crunch. This is very helpful when encountering common thugs. But they have to be in front of you." I placed Shoni in front of me, praying that he wouldn't pass out before I punched him . I flattened my palm and arched it upwards like I had been taught by the she-male from my days of youth. "As soon as he comes towards you, push up with your palm with a whole bunch of force into his nose." I demonstrated on Shoni. Poor sap. Did he honestly think he could get out of the pain? If a robber has to go through it, then so does my dear Shoni. I let the elder hold his nose in pain before continuing. "You may do one of two things, you may run to find help or give him a piece of your mind. In this case, i've had a pretty bad day. So another move you may use while he's down like this is to place your knee under his chin while he's doubled over and bring it up, so it will knock him back." I demonstrated this also. I bet the letch was sobering up REAL quick.
I went on with my class, teaching the petite girls various moves before letting them tangle with the sand dummies. I think I heard Shoni's back crunch when I flipped him over my shoulder and onto the mat, but my hearing was occupied by the litter of giggles filtering the air after Shoni's various yelps and cries of pain. After the class was over, I plopped myself down on the blue mat next to the tired Shoni. For a moment I thought he was dead, but I was proven wrong as a long groan escaped his lips.
"Where's my bottle of whiskey?" I patted his balding head and smiled.
"In due time." In case you haven't noticed, I haven't exactly been myself lately. For one thing, i''ve matured. It's a hard thing to believe, I know. And I hate it as well. And I don't smile as much. One might say it's because my heart has been broken one too many times. I say that it's Jeeves' sincere love for takoyaki. Maybe it's just me, but I believe that anything with eight legs that came from the sea, belongs in the sea and not an ocean of stomach acids. Shoni left straight after that to a nearby bar, which I didn't find hard to believe. However, this would leave me abandoned and walking alone down the dark streets of Japan. Can we say deja vu? Sure you can.

I've heard of the word 'karma' alot in my life. But never did I expect to relive the word in my mind. As it just so happens, the first time I walked alone in Japan, I was kidnapped by a mafia of testosterone fueled ingrates. Now, as I walk down these streets and feel the presence of another following me, I can't help but wonder what small object I could use as a weapon to whack Kyou or Ayame across the head and give myself a running start. My pace speeds up and so does my assailant. Two feet turn into four pairs and I finally give in and knock myself onto a wall. Why fight them, right? Besides, the Sohma men are way too pretty to bruise.
"You didn't even try!" Kyou's scruffy voice was less than music to my ears. It was more of a guitar solo gone wrong by cause of a rocker doped up on crack. I have a vivid imagination, what can I say? I cross my arms over my chest and roll my eyes.
"Help. Someone. Please. Stop them. Oh God. Better?" The orange haired runt was obviously irritated with me and I couldn't help but smirk. Two points!! That felt really, really good.
" Could you lower the sarcasim just a tid bit?" I circle my fingers my right ear, well, actually around the onyx stud I sport on the ear, and proceeded to turn it like a knob. After several tries I shrug.
"Nope, sorry. Guess it's broken. What do you all want this time anyway?" And when I say 'you all', I really do mean it. In front of me stood the aggrivating Kyou, the morbid Hatori, the chivalrous Yuki, the extravagant Ayame, and the exquisite Elijah. Don't ask me how a British hottie was thrown in there because I have learned from vast experiences that you do not question this family's motives for you'll never get a straight answer. I gasped as Hatori took a strong hold on my arm.
"Where is Shigure?" I'll admit it, I was beginning to get a little peeved. These men had the gall to think that Shigure was with me?! Yeah friggin right. I'm better off being caught with Brad Pitt, let alone Shigure.
"Hell if I know. Now if you'll kindly let me go so that I can get a good night's sleep for once!!" Where did all that anger come from? I haven't been that bitchy since the day the guy in the chicken suit at the grocery store said that the coke I was drinking would go straight to my butt and quickly added 'but it looks like it already has'. I took it upon myself to teach him why chickens are always fried. Oh yeah, I taught him alright. I taught him through the dairy aisle, the snack foods aisle, and the bakery. And then I was escorted out of the store while my mother finished shopping. I haven't eaten chicken since that eventful day. The doctor's grip lightened a bit and I nervously ran a hand through my hair - which I had cut. The once bountiful head of hair now flows to my shoulders only.
"You have no idea where he is?" I quirked an eyebrow. This was slowly freaking me out.
"Did I stutter? Why would you ask me such a thing anyway? If you remember correctly, he made no effort to keep me around." I swallowed hard as Hatori began to pull me away.
"I think there is something you should see..."

This sounds awful, but I honestly thought they were going to show me a suicide note or a half eaten shark head. They were talking like the man had just run out on them and it was my fault. And the shark's head? I don't exactly know how to describe that one. I just pictured a decapitated Jaws during the walk to the Sohma house. And to think, I didn't touch any of the alcohol offered to me at the bar earlier. But the sight in front of me was entirely something else. Laid before me were about twenty or so pictures, each depicting me in a different scene. The first was the original portrait of myself that I had found the night I lost my virginity. The next few were various moments between Shigure and myself. There was one of us kissing the night in the garden and a few of me struggling with Hatori. There was also one of myself in the corner of an elevator, blushing innocently. He had remembered so many details! The last picture was what brought tears to my eyes, though. It had been crumbled up and then smoothed and then crumbled up again. I could only wonder how many times my Shigure had repeated the action. It was drawn with nothing but a pencil and depicted me, bloodied and broken, gripping the neck of a black dog. My face was half buried in the ebony fur and a small trail of blood was trickling down the side of my head. Funny, but I didn't even remember that wound. A person could find me as a child by looking at this picture, but the way he drew me- the articulate curves and etched features could tell otherwise. He had caught me as a vulnerable woman. But what surprised me the most was a shocked Akito, shadowed in the corner. Why did he seem so surprised?
I picked up the scattered sheets of paper and crammed them neatly into my bag. Carefully wiping away the stray tears, I glanced back at the Sohma family. They were worried, that was obvious. But what comfort could I offer them? I had no idea where the man was and I wasn't going to just drop the education I once hated down the drain so that I could contact John Walsh and post the writer's picture up on cable television. Besides, I feared that if I did give America's Most Wanted a picture of Shigure, he would actually become 'America's Most Wanted' - male bachelor that is. I could give them nothing, and I felt horrible for it. Because, if you really read into it, they were all there for me in one way or another. Hatori had taken care of me when I got myself into trouble and even warned me about Shigure so that I could avoid a broken heart...or a broken ribcage. Yuki....well that one is too obvious. And Kyou...it's strange, but he gave me an outlet for my anger. I'd yell out my frustrations because of him. And who could forget Ayame? The man has superb tastes in evening gowns. I rubbed my neck and sighed. This family had given me so much and I couldn't even produce a tiny bit of information for them. I wish I could have.
"Here. There was one more." I peered down at the piece of paper Hatori was producing. Sketched on it was a girl in a wheelchair, actually it was me in a wheelchair, in the hospital. My hair was covering my eyes but you could see a single tear falling down my cheek as the sun entered my room. I could clearly recall that morning. I took the picture and headed back to my dorm room. I could only wonder how worried Jeeves' had become.
"No, I sent her to the Sohma family. I know! That's exactly what I said when I found out from Ayame what had happened between the two!! I know!!" The shrill voice of Jeeves rang through my ears. Why that little queer!! He knew all along! I pushed open the front door without a single squeak and sprinted towards the telephone so that I could push the button marked 'Speaker Phone'.
"It's such a sad story..." Peaches! Those conniving little...yeah. REAL worried, weren't ya'll?
"Yeah, almost like a soap opera, right?" I could hear Peaches give a little 'eep' before I spotted Jeeves become as still as stone. Uh- huh...caught in the act you damn 'send the Sohmas after her' - er.
"Uhhh....I think i'm going to hit the hay. Night you two! Kissey- kissey!" With the mood I was in, I didn't care if Peaches go suckey suckey. I'm bitter. I need ice cream. I climbed into the butt crevice I had made on the couch and glared at the gay man next to me. He panicked underneath my gaze and broke the intense stare with light conversation.
"So....how was work?" I pointed my finger at his invisible third eye. That's right. When words fail you, bring out the index finger. It's worse than cuss words and can't be reproduced in the court of law, unless you count fingerprints.
"How dare you...." My voice was low.....too low. The kind of low your mother gets when you stay out until three in the morning and return home with shaving cream on your shirt and chocolate chips sticking to obscene places. Or did that just happen to me?
"Come on Dusty...." I turned my head away as he wrapped an arm around me. "Becky told me the whole thing last night. You and Shigure are madly in love and he tried coming for you but missed you by like a day." I couldn't believe this! First my own 'Queer Eye For The Straight Guy' betrayed me and now my best friend?! I mean, a guy with way too much fashion sense is one thing but....shut the rooster up. Did he just say that Shigure was in America? Looking for me?
"What did you say?" The old Dusty was slowly replacing the new model. The innocence, the quirkiness,.... the irrational anger ,was claiming me by the second. Jeeves just stared at me as I ran over his cat to grab the phone. The operator, the ringing, it was all a haze. Before I knew what was happening...
"Hello?" That voice. That happy go lucky but sometimes shy, boyish voice was on the other end. So close yet....actually he wasn't close at all. We were quite far away. My voice was failing me and I wished for the voice of Roseanne at times like these. Roseanne wouldn't falter. Course Roseanne also made a mockery out of the 'Star Spangled Banner' in front of thousands of baseball fans. I'm speechless, not stupid.
"Shigure..?" There it was! Sure, it was barely above a whisper, but it caught both Shigure and Jeeves' attention.
"Dusty?!" There was some slight shuffling and a few shouts and I figured that most of my family was present around the Japanese heartthrob. Hey, was that my cousin Sammy I hear!!? Sammy!! But my voice left me again. It hurt so much to hear his voice straining to reach me and there were so many questions I needed to ask him. And Sammy's squeaky voice didn't help much. I fear for the son I might never conceive and his years of puberty. The phone begin to fuzz back and forth and I figured he was on the kitchen cordless. "Dusty? If you hear me then i'll be home Thursday and I need you to meet me at the adult store." I held back the tears and hung up the phone. I had heard enough. My mind went blank for a few minutes before Jeeves' voice woke me up.
"Huh?"
"I said 'are you okay'?"I nodded and politely excused myself to the kitchen where I had spotted a hammer earlier. With a small mental debate, I launched my fury upon the plastic phone with the hammer and continued to smash it to little bits. First hit: THAT was for taking me to Hatori when I hurt my wrist. Second hit: THAT was for kissing me the night you found Aubrey's picture. Third hit: THAT was for breaking my heart - TWICE. Fourth hit: and THAT... was for breaking my nail just a second ago...dammit that hurt. I winced in pain and dropped the tool to the floor. I half expected Jeeves to either damn me to hell for breaking his retro phone or embracing me for hurting so badly inside. Instead, he threw his fists into the air like some football fiend and gave a warlike squeal.
"Whoo!! That's my girl!!!" He walked over to me, minding the scattered pieces of broken plastic. "So...what happened?"
"He's at my Thursday....wants to meet up at the first place we ever saw each other." Jeeves nodded knowingly. Pfft. As if he's ever fallen in love with a writer and then was attacked by their kinfolk! He's got as good of a chance as Hulk Hogan scoring with Nessie. I've seen weirder things happen everyday though. For instance, on the latest tabloids - 'Man Gives Birth To 130kg. Monkey-Alien'. That's just....wow. I would never believe a monkey weighed in kilo-grams could be in the tabloids.
"So what are you going to do now?"
"What do you think? He hurt me! He's broken my heart! He took my damn virginity and expects me to fall head over heels for him time and time again!! What do you think i'm going to do?!"
"Buy me a new phone?" Hmm....that was unexpected but i'll have to sound the buzzer on that one.
"No..." It was then that I could smell Jeeves' expensive cologne on me. He was right up in my face like the drill sergeants on talks shows. Except i'm not a juvenile problem child.
"Are you going to sit there and just take that punishment?!"
"No!"
"Are you going to give up the best years of your life so that you can have the one man that makes you happy?!"
"No!"
"Are you going to let everyone push you around and tell you that you HAVE to be with him?!"
"No!!"
"Do you love him?!"
"No!!" We both paused at the last question, surprise clear on both our faces. " I mean yes...YES! Where did that question come from?"
"I dunno...it just kinda popped out." I nodded in agreement and shifted my weight. It didn't last long, however, for Jeeves was in army mode again.
"So what are you going to do?!" Images of the times I had cried were now vague. Instead, visions of a man causing me to fall off a stone ledge, a dog licking the tears from my face, sweet nighttime kisses, a presence near me when I slept, pictures of me silouetted against the sun, pool fights, and waking up next to a man who, deep down, I knew would do anything to see my happy again, floated throughout my brain. I knew what I had to do.
"I'm going to go pick out the hottest outfit I own and lay it out for Thursday!!" Hey, I had to do SOMETHING. I at least wanted to look good when he showed up. Besides, it's better to look gorgeous during that meeting. Or would you rather me tap him on the shoulder and be like 'I'll be your Dairy Queen if you'll be my Burger King and we'll have it your way.' I stopped using pick up lines....like....senior year. I paraded towards the cubicle that Jeeves likes to call my room. I would SO definetly have to call in sick for work that day.....wait. DAMMIT!!!

Umm...yep.....next chapter might be awhile.....