Chapter 2: An Unexpected Conversation
"Curse you Harry, you absolute horror of a person! My four youngest children … dead… because of you!" Mrs. Weasley sobbed incoherently at Harry.
"Percy was right, you should have been avoided, I should have casted you from this family long ago."
"I'm sorry Mrs. Weasley, please don't say that. I would die for any of your children, for you and Mr. Weasley…I…" Harry stammered.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
"Die for us! Die! I have four dead children and no dead Harry Potter!" Mrs. Weasley screamed.
Tap. Tap. TAP.
"Mrs. Weasley I don't know…I…please…" Harry cried uncontrollably now.
TAP! TAP! TAP!
Harry startled from his dream, again sweating and crying, from behind the drawn window shade an incessant knocking could be heard. He stumbled awkwardly to his nightstand and grasped his wand from atop of it. Shaking away the fogginess of sleep to peer out through the crack between the window ledge and the bottom of the window shade Harry squinted to make out the source of the noise. Suddenly the window shade snapped up. Blinding orange sunlight filled Harry's eyes as he fell back hard to the floor and desperately fought to make out the form of the shadow hovering at his window. As his eyes adjusted to the sunlight Harry heard another, softer
tap. tap.
There at the window an unfamiliar sandy brown owl pecked impatiently to be let in. Harry got up and opened the window and the bird flew past him carefully placing a package at his feet. Once it was sure that the package was safely delivered the bird flew over to Hedwig's empty cage took a long drink of water and an owl treat and flew out of the window just as quickly as it entered.
Harry just stood staring at the unmarked box. The confusion of his dream, the shock of the sunlight, and the sudden entrance and exit of the owl were still playing through his mind. Sleep depravation made it hard for him to focus, and he wasn't quite sure if his dream had ended and this was reality. Sighing, he shut the window and turned to examine the package. Unfortunately, reality was about to confirm itself as Harry caught his foot on the loose floor board where he once hid all of his wizarding items and fell hard to the floor. The delayed pain signals reaching his head from his stubbed toe was all he needed to know that he was no longer sleeping. Cursing, Harry sat up to examine the package.
A box about the size of a small television was wrapped in brown paper and had leather bands wrapped tightly to help keep it shut. It reminded him a little of the package which held the snapping book Hagrid, Keeper of the Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts, had sent him a couple years ago. It was much bigger than any package Harry had ever received by owl and he was wary to open it unsure of what damage it might inflict. To confuse things more his body was making a convincing argument that he should just go back to sleep and worry about it in the morning. Unbeknownst to Harry, his mind had another agenda.
"While you can still call home the place where you mother's blood dwells, there you cannot be touched or harmed by Voldemort." Well, let's put that old man's theory to the test Harry thought.
With a decided reckless abandon Harry unfastened the buckles, tore the paper away from the package, opened the box and peered down into the opening. He stopped holding his breath as a look of shock overtook his features. Harry saw a midsize pensieve, with a letter and a couple of felt bags stuffed around the outside of it. Harry pulled the letter and bags out of the box and looked down again at the swirling silvery-white liquid beneath his nose. Looking away he scooped up the letter and immediately recognized the writing of his godfather.
The Unofficial Last Will and Testament of Sirius Padfoot Black
Harry stopped unsure if he was ready to accept what the ramifications of such a letter meant. He stared again at the pensieve and the swirling liquid inside of it. His curiosity got the best of him and he looked back down into the letter in his hand.
Hey kid,
If you're reading this letter then I've gone and mucked things up. I'm terribly sorry about that and I hope that you're not tearing yourself up over it. No doubt you've found a way to blame yourself for my passing. I'll state it now, and you can argue with me later, but whatever the cause of my passing, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. My actions have always been my own, 12 years with dementors couldn't take that away from me, so don't go thinking that you all of a sudden can.
Anyways, onto the good stuff! This pensieve has my last wishes detailed within, have a look, I must say I'm damn proud of what I've accomplished here – and that's saying something considering my past as one of the infamous Marauders!
I will always be with you and love you.
Sirius
Putting down the letter Harry looked with trepidation at the pensieve. He had felt nothing but heartache for so long now, was he even interested in having to watch a memory of Sirius discuss where his things went? If Sirius knew he'd be blaming himself why would he make him suffer more with a memory? The silver-white liquid stirred, and Harry could almost make out the misty image of Sirius' face. The curiosity in him stirred with it.
Well I'm going to stick my head in there eventually, haven't found one of these yet I could stay out of. Harry recalled the inner-struggle he had in Professor Snape's office after an Occlumency session with the despised potions teacher. He remembered being left alone knowing Snape's hidden thoughts were lying in the bowl of misty fluid in front of him. He remember thinking how he shouldn't look, but right now he remembered most that he did.
I wonder what memory Sirius thinks I'll want to see after he's…well if he had…at a time like this.
Harry lifted the pensieve out of the box, drew the window shade, and walked over to the nightstand next to his bed. With a deep breath Harry sat down and leaned over to look into the pensieve. The world swirled away from him as he found himself suddenly standing in a dimensionless space, Sirius standing there right in front of him. Behind the man Harry could make out a bed and the familiar settings of Sirius' room at Grimmauld Place.
"Well kid, if you're there watching me here than I guess I've gone and snuffed it.
The terrible pun didn't even bring a reaction to Harry's stoic face.
"Isn't that a swift one to the bullocks? Well, no point in tearing up over it. I had a good life, good friends, and only one regret. I'm quite sure that's more than most wizards or muggles could say, particularly any who might have spent 12 years in prison."
"I know you're sad, and I know you're blaming yourself but in both cases your emotions are for naught. Well come to the sad part later, but for now let's get this blame thing out of the way."
Must be easy for a living man to say these things without knowing anything about what's going to happen to him, Harry thought.
"My death, I'm quite sure was somehow the result of another of my rash actions. Your mum always told me I was going to get myself killed acting with such disregard for caution, guess she was right. Probably snuffed it talking shite a in a duel, at least I always imagined it would happen that way. Can't help it, I just love getting my opponents all cheesed off with nothing to do about it. Guess this time someone did something about it, always was the only way anyone was ever going to shut me up."
Glad you can make jokes, I guess those of us left behind to suffer don't find it so amusing Sirius.
"The truth is I was surrounded for the past two years with the people I love and all the safeguards that those people could provide to keep me from harm or capture. If I'm dead then I made my own decision to not respect that safety. If there is one thing we both understand about each other it's that once we have made up our mind Merlin himself can't change it. And if I decided to leave those safeguards then it would only have been under that mindset."
Sighing Harry squirmed as he thought about how Sirius would never had to reach that mindset if he had only thought through his decision.
"I made an unspoken promise to you that I would do my best to stay safe so that I could still be a part of your life. As much as I felt like a prisoner in my own house this past year, and as much as I wanted to feel as though I was helping, it was more important to me that I just be there in case you needed me. If I left this house, if I put myself in harms way then it would have only been for you…and Remus…and well maybe most everyone in the order…besides Snape's greasy arse. Well the point is, even if I knew that my death was guaranteed by going to help I still wouldn't have changed my mind. That is what loving you and the family that surrounded us meant to me.
I came to terms with death many years ago on a cold stone floor, surrounded by dementors, knowing that the two people I loved most in the world were dead, and I did nothing to stop it."
Harry noticed Sirius' face harden significantly when he said this.
"Never again will I let that happen!"
There was a long pause as Sirius looked down from Harry as though considering something. When he looked up the hardened look had fallen from his face and a small twisted smile formed on the corner of his lips.
"If you still have the stones to think that my death was your fault, then you have finally gone and made Snivellus right for the first time. Because in that case you are an arrogant little prat! And I promise you, I'm turning over in my grave at this moment if you have caused me to actually come to a point where I have to agree with Snivellus, much less deem him right about something. I always said I would be dead before I gave that man the satisfaction of admitting that he was right about something, and at this point I'm happy to say that I have kept my word. So let's just leave it at no blame, shit happens, we hurt we move on, it's the only way. If that isn't enough for you, than I am asking that you not blame yourself out of respect for me, it's the only way I'm going to find happiness in the afterlife"
Harry's face twisted at the request. That bastard he thought, what an unfair thing for him to do.
"Right, let's get this sad thing out of the way. The grieving process is necessary for anybody who is not Voldemort or a Death Eater – you'll be wise to remember that. If we don't grieve than we don't love, and without love none of this is worth it. Grieve for the love we still had to show each other, grieve for the lost opportunities and memories, but please don't grieve for me. I told you I have come to terms with death, I look forward to being with James and Lily and all of my loved ones who have passed on. I take solace in knowing that sometime in the far future you and Moony will be here with us. It is a happy thought for me, free from judgment and persecution, free from the prejudice of others. Death is not something to be feared or hated, but also not hastened too."
Sirius chuckled,
"Maybe I spent just a bit too much time in a prison locked up with dementors. Well, I don't think I will welcome them to where I am going when I die, so let's not dwell on that now."
"I understand that you're sad, and that Harry is the source of my only regret. I regret that something that is my doing must be the cause of your pain, and that I cannot be there to help you through it. I guess this little speech of mine is a feeble attempt to help remedy that regret, I hope that it helps."
Sirius paused again but didn't look away,
"I love you my godson. I will always be with you."
Harry could barely keep himself standing at this point, his jaw hurt from holding back its quivering, and his knees felt as though they were unable to support his weight. All he wanted to do was run over to Sirius and hug him and tell him how much he wanted him to come back. But having been in his share of pensieve Harry knew that this was just a memory, that the Sirius he saw in front of him would not hear or respond to his requests.
Harry looked up to the immobile image of Sirius in front of him and simply said. "Thank you"
Immediately Harry felt a swooshing sensation around him as the room behind Sirius began to surround him as well. The colors and the conjuring of the furniture and decorations around Harry were dizzying. He quickly spun where he was standing to take in the changed environment around him, everything was there right down to the dingy smell. He was now standing in Sirius' bedroom in its entirety.
"How is that?"
Harry was snapped out of his gaze as he looked up to where the source of the voice was coming, to where he knew Sirius had been standing just a minute before. What Harry saw next was too much for him to believe. Sirius was standing in the middle of his bedroom looking from behind, at least from Harry's point of view, what could be a mirror. Harry just stood there with his mouth open waiting for whatever was left of Sirius' memory to play out.
"Well are you gonna stand there like a doughnut, or say something?" Sirius smiled seemingly to Harry.
Harry looked behind him to make sure that someone hadn't walked into the room during the change in the pensieve. There was no one there, and when he looked back Sirius had moved from behind the mirror and was standing with his arms crossed over his chest staring, smiling obviously at Harry.
"I…I said th-th-thank you." Harry stammered.
"Too right you did, and it's a good thing someone instilled proper manners in you while I was in prison all those years." Sirius now beamed at Harry. "You are damn sure welcome."
"But how…a memory…this is a pensieve right?" Harry questioned.
"Of course it is, says so in the letter that I wrote to you don't it." Sirius replied.
"Then how is it you can here me, that you can see me? You can see me right"
"Well I'm not staring at the door behind you now am I, why don't you do some jumping jacks or a dance a jig so we can test that out."
"Dance a what, why are we dancing?" Harry asked unsurely.
"Nobody is dancing just wanted to make sure you were paying attention to the conversation. Now why don't we go and sit down over here, I've been standing in front of this mirror for what seems like an eternity and I would like to sit. From the looks of it you could use a seat yourself, you look like shite!"
Sirius motioned to a couple of sofa chairs over by the fireplace which had appeared during the blur of change. "Well sit down already we don't have all the time in the world!" Sirius yelled.
"What the hell is going on? If this is a pensieve then you are just a memory right? "And why were you standing in front a mirror are you so vain that even your memory of you is checking yourself out? Harry said this last part with an unsure smile on his face. He also wanted to see if this 'memory' of Sirius was like the real thing.
"Well at least you managed to fit one useful question in there. Yes I am a memory, though I am hardly going to concede to being 'just' a memory. Further if I was standing in front of that mirror checking myself out I would believe it would be quite justified considering all of the women I've scored in my day. Quite a few more than you have I might add. To answer your question, no, that was not what I was doing. However, the first question, that's the important one. How do I explain this – have you ever read a 'choose your own adventure' book?" Sirius asked still with that same big smile on his face.
"A 'choose your own adventure' book?" Harry questioned. "Um no I can't say that I have."
"These are books where you read about a character and the events that are happening to them and whenever the main character comes to a crucial decision you are given a choice at the bottom of the page as to what the character should do. Like,
'Should Snivellus the Slimy Snot Rag jump off the cliff' If yes go to page 100, If no go to page 150.'
"Obviously if the cliff is high enough you go straight to page 100. This part of the pensieve is like that book, the entire story is already written, the ending is the same regardless, it's just a matter of how you're going to get there based on the decisions you make. Do you understand?"
"And what is the purpose of this memory?" Harry asked.
"Well like the letter said, to deliver you my unofficial last will and testament." Sirius replied simply.
"Why 'unofficial'?"
"I am still, or rather I guess I was still a criminal at large. It's not like I could just stroll through Diagon Alley right up to Gringots and say that I would like to write out my will. But not to fear, I am a clever fellow and found ways to ensure that my assets are redistributed as I would have liked in the unfortunate circumstance of my death. However, I also made sure that if I were cleared of the charges held against me, an official will just solidifies the terms set forth here. In fact, some extra bonuses come at that point, if you want to look at them that way."
"How did you do all of this?" Harry said as he motioned around them at the bedroom.
"Ahh, well like I said in my letter I am quite proud of this, not to mention I did have a lot of time to myself last year when I wasn't 'allowed' to leave my own house. This…" Sirius said as he also motioned around the room and finally pointed to himself, "my young friend is the mark of a true Marauder! I can't wait to brag to James about this! He thought we accomplished something with the Marauder's Map, wait till I tell him about this!"
Sirius reveled in that thought for a moment and then continued, "This is what we will call an 'Interactive Pensieve'." Sirius held up his hands and scrolled them away from each other as though shaping the title in the empty air between him and Harry.
"There's a catchy title." Harry said with a mocking laugh, "Why not the 'Mingling Memory'!" Harry mocked the same hand movement that Sirius just made.
"Very funny kid. Sirius said as the smile only barely got smaller on his face, "Listen this is my moment, stop trying to steal my thunder. Sit there, be a good little boy, and shut up!
Harry was laughing now at his godfather's excited memory. It was truly amazing how much this was like being with the real person. For a quick moment Harry grasped the implications of that and his face hardened.
"Hey. Hey! Are you paying attention? Would you look at this, I'm telling him about the greatest creation of my life and he's lost to his own thoughts." Sirius chided.
Snapping back Harry smiled again at the image of his godfather. "No, I'm paying attention. You were talking about a portrait."
"No, I was saying that the principle of this pensieve is very much the same as the enchantments that are involved with a portrait. You see, when you enchant a portrait a copy of your essence is placed into the picture to carry your personality and characteristics. Then depending on the complexity of the enchantment a certain amount of the person's memories are also enchanted into the picture. Usually an Enchanter, who can pass the magical attributes permanently into the object being enchanted, does this. These individuals are not only very rare, but their services are very expensive, and also very much in demand. Again being the criminal I am…err …was I did not have such services available to me. Furthermore, after having to live with my mother's hideous portrait for so long I didn't want that anyway, too impersonal. However, any wizard or witch with a wand can enchant something if they know how, it's only a matter of how long they'll last. So I thought about how else I could offer my Will to you and still provide you with something more than just a letter. My first thought was to duplicate the rune work and enchantments on the Marauder's Map into a diary. But after that whole Chamber of Secrets thing I figured that wouldn't sit well. Eventually I came to consider a pensieve and realized that the runes already carved into the pensieve would help to hold the extra enchantments. The only complication then was that the placement of memories into the pensieve meant the removal of them from my mind. I wasn't looking to part with all of these thoughts so I enchanted these memories into the pensieve through the runes around it. The results are what you see here, and when I'm done explaining what is actually here, I think you'll grasp how much thunder I actually brought to this show so to say!"
"So where do we start?" Harry said flatly.
"We start with you being a little more excited about this, I put a lot of energy and thought into this, and I don't mean to disappoint. This is going to be an experience, not just a memory!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Alright, alright! I'm just overwhelmed, it seems every time I think I've got a grasp on something new in the magic world the boundaries around it change." Harry replied in earnest.
"Well that will be your first lesson, instead of seeking boundaries for understanding, seek ideas for means to achieve your goals whatever they may be. Boundaries lead to beliefs and beliefs have a way of quickly becoming infallible. It's better to have a good idea and always be willing to keep your mind open to other possibilities." Sirius said in his most sage-like voice.
Did serious just get philosophical? Harry never thought of his godfather as the type. "I never thought of it that way." Harry said with a quizzical tone.
"Neither did I." Sirius admitted, "but your mother used to say that all the time to your father and I, and I never really considered it until I had a few years to gather my thoughts in prison. Ultimately, it was that philosophy that got me out of there."
Hearing advice that might have been passed to him by his mother, Harry suddenly felt the loss of the his godfather even more. "Thank y…"
"Shhhhhhh boy! If you say the rest of that the enchantments reset!" Sirius quickly interrupted.
"How's that?" Harry asked with a scared look on his face.
"Remember when I first looked around that mirror over there at you?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah" Harry responded.
"I will assume that you had just finished listening to the memory that I actually placed into the pensieve rather than enchanted into it." Sirius said.
"Well you were there of course, you should know." Harry replied flatly.
"See that's just it, I" Sirius pointed to his own chest, "was not there. Rather the memory was there. I" again Sirius pointed to his chest "if there is such a thing in here, well let's just say the enchanted version of me, is only here after you activate the enchantments."
"And how do I do that?" Harry asked immediately.
"The magic words, as they say." Sirius replied. "You say 'thank you'. Well at least for this portion of the enchantments that's what you say."
"Well that wasn't a very sensible password you used if it's going to have the effect of resetting things every time I say it." Harry argued.
"Really!" Sirius said with another twisted smile. "Well what would you suggest I have used that you would have been likely to say without being told to actually say it?"
Harry thought on this for a moment, "Err..I'm not sure I would have thought of anything else, for that matter I don't know that I would have thought of than…well the 'magic words'. How is that you knew I would say that, and why did you set up the enchantments so that they would reset."
"Well I knew you would say thank you, because lets face it, I give one bloody good speech. Any person with ears outside of Snivellus and Voldisnacks would have thanked me for that speech!" Sirius was smiling brightly by now.
Harry crooned to Sirius, "Well at least you're modest about it." Laughing along with his godfather at this point.
"To tell you the truth, I picked two passwords that would activate this enchantment, thank you and I love you." Sirius paused to let this sink into Harry. "I knew it would be one of the two, at least I hoped it would."
Harry looked down after Sirius said this. Noticing the reaction Sirius changed the subject quickly.
"Well it's not like I'm going to remember any of this anyway, this model of the interactive pensieve doesn't come with a feature that retains the interactions that occur within it. That feature won't be available until the spring line comes out" Sirius finished this in his best salesmen voice.
"What?" Harry asked quickly.
"Well there was only so much I could enchant onto this pensieve and the incorporation of remembering our interactions would only make the enchantments fade that much quicker. Hence, the speaking of the passwords resets the enchantments. Sirius paused again and let Harry take all this in. "That's what the whole mirror thing was about you know."
"The mirror thing?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, when you said thank you the room grew around you and you saw me staring at you from behind that mirror over there. The memory I placed into the pensieve to greet you was me giving a speech into the mirror. I wanted it to appear as though I was addressing you and not just talking to myself in an empty room. So I stood in front of that mirror and made sure not to look around while I was speaking. When the memory translated to the pensieve it should have looked to you as though I was looking out from my room to you. Did I get the intended effect? Sirius asked with another smile.
"More than you know." Harry stated endearingly. "I do – you know"
"Do? Do what exactly Harry?" Sirius stated obviously trying to hide his smile.
"Well you've fashioned it so I can't tell you properly, now can I you git." Harry said reprovingly but with his smile returning.
"Why Harry, I am quite sure I have no idea what you are talking about." Sirius said in a mock lady voice.
"I'm serious!" Harry exclaimed.
"No, I'm Sirius…err well I was Sirius…ok you can be serious." The grown gave a haughty laugh at this. "Ah, that never gets old for me."
"Well, what you are not is Funny, no matter how you spell it." Harry laughed back at his godfather.
The two smiled at each other knowingly and Harry swore he almost noticed a twinkle in Sirius' eye.
"I love you too, kid. Always have always will." Sirius said.
"Now, on with the show!" Sirius said with a change in both look and tone. "The deliverance of my unofficial Last will and Testament!"
At this Sirius pulled out his wand and conjured up an large executive desk with a high leather chair behind it and a smaller office chair in front of it. Sirius then conjured a visor with a green translucent bill on it and pulled a pair of reading glasses from the top pocket of his shirt. On top of the desk lay a rather thick packet of papers. Harry glanced at the desk, the papers, and in particular the very odd visor and shot Sirius a sideward glance.
"Best to get into character for this bit." Sirius said in response to Harry's glance.
Sirius then got up and went over to the desk and sat in the large chair while he put on the visor and glasses. He looked like a shifty poker card dealer in his new get up, but had a rather amused look on his face as he looked up to Harry.
"Come over and sit already would you." Sirius beckoned. "Please note before we get started that it may have been a bit more than a coincidence that the words I'd thought you'd say to activate the enchantments and the words we use to express gratitude are one in the same. As a result, I would appreciate you not interrupting me with those 'magic words' for the substantial fortune you have now come to possess."
Sirius paused to make sure that Harry understood what he was telling him, and waited for any further comment from the young man.
"Ok, well on to business then." Sirius picked up the large stack of papers and began to read.
"I Sirius Black being the cleverest and most suave Marauder of them all, the last descendant of the most despicable and prehistoric house of Black do hereby bequeath my possessions in the manner and detail put forth in the following passages."
Sirius paused and looked up at Harry considering him for a moment. "Do you want to hear all of this or just the parts that pertain to you? Like I said, 'choose your own adventure'." Sirius smiled after this.
"I don't know if am supposed to know all that you have given to others. I don't want to meddle in their affairs." Harry replied honestly. "How about you just tell me about any parts that involve me?"
"Will do." Sirius looked down and adjusted the glasses on his nose as he shuffled through the papers. "Okay, here it is." Then in a very matter of fact tone Sirius said, "A portion in the amount of one-half of the entire Black Family's monetary holdings has been transferred into a separate account under the ownership of one H. J. Potter whose executor is one Remus J. Lupin. The ownership of deed and title to Number 12 Grimmauld Place London, England shall also be transferred to Harry James Potter along with all possession found within excluding items specifically bestowed to other individuals." Sirius paused and shuffled through more pages, "Items to be specifically transferred to the possession of Harry James Potter. All jewels, items, books, and weapons located in the Black Family Vaults. Further, on the 31st of July, Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Six from the Gringotts Black Family vault the Marauder's Chest shall be brought to the possession of Harry James Potter."
Sirius paused and looked up, "Had to guarantee one last present. I know your father wanted you to have these things on your 16th birthday, now I know you'll get it no matter what."
With a smile Sirius looked back down, adjusted his glasses again, and resumed his business like tone. "Hmm. Hmm. Right, Harry James Potter will be responsible for the oversight of establishing the location and legal establishment of an organization in the spirit of the Society for the Protection of Elvish Welfare to be overseen and owned by one Hermione Granger. A sum of 50,000 galleons will be transferred from the Black Family vault into a business vault under the title and ownership of Ms. Granger with executors Remus J. Lupin and H. J. Potter. This organization is to come to the ownership of Hermione Granger on the 19th of September, Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Six."
Sirius paused again and looked up at Harry while he took his glasses off. "Remus will be able to help you with this, so wipe that overwhelmed look off your face. My only stipulation is that a focus of this organization also be on the equitable treatment and acceptance of individuals who are afflicted with lycanthropy. I would suggest not only the active pursuit of political acceptance but also the establishment of a support structure for those who have this condition. A place where werewolves may come to be treated during their transformation, and taught how to live with lycanthropy. Please tell Hermione that despite what she thought, I always listened to her pleas for the proper treatment of house elves and everything else. I haven't seen such passion in a young woman since your mother Harry. Tell her that I do not expect her to make this her life's work, she is free to involve herself as much or as little as she wants with it. But, of all the people I've met in my life, I can't think of a better person to pursue these causes and I want to make sure that money will never be the hindrance preventing Hermione from seeing her convictions through."
Sirius paused again considering a thought, "Harry, that woman cares about you in ways you have yet to understand. Don't turn her away because both of you will suffer a loss you're not yet ready to live with. The memories of friendship and love were all that got me through Azkaban. The love and friendship between you, Hermione, and Ron will be what gets you through your hard times."
Harry just sat there when Sirius finished. Being lectured on his friendships from the memory of a dead man was a bit much. The rollercoaster of emotions he had been on for the past four days, all climaxing to this moment with Sirius' memory talking to him were all he could take. His eyes physically hurt from crying, and his face was exhausted from refraining so many different emotional expressions. What was he supposed to do with this utter chaos that is his life! So many different aspects were going so many different ways. It felt like he was being torn from the inside out. The feeling was horrifying, it was as though his 'being' was diminished, like his soul had worn thin.
"One day at a time kid, there is nothing else but that." Sirius said in a quiet voice.
Harry looked up at Sirius and scrunched his eyes together at the man with a look of confusion, "How could you know what I was thinking, and what the hell am I supposed to do with that advice."
"Pick a direction and go, take one thing at a time, but most importantly ask for help." Sirius responded knowingly. "You can't do this alone kid, no one can. It's really unfair for you Harry, I know. You have had to face adult challenges all of your life but haven't been given the years to learn from your mistakes like an adult has. It's like telling you to fly with one wing. Take my advice and just accept this one lesson from my own mistakes, take things one day at a time and ask for help."
Harry closed his eyes and laid back into the chair he was sitting in, the feeling of sleep and the slur of too many feelings at once caused his head to swim. If he had the energy, he was sure he would have cried, but his willpower had gone, his pride, safeguards, and inhibitions lost. He opened his eyes and stared aimlessly at the ceiling, then his mouth said something his mind couldn't believe, "I'm scared Sirius." When the words registered in his brain, he felt like he had just got caught cursing by a professor. The Gryffindor in him wretched and once again he felt as though the Sorting Hat might have made a mistake.
AN: I plan on updating at least once a week though it will be more than that initially as I have the first 7 chapters written (over 80 pages). I guess that reviews will help me to upload the written chapters quicker, but that may be a bit bold at this point. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.
*The quote from Sirius about ideas and boundaries and beliefs etc. was paraphrased from the movie Dogma. Kevin Smith (who is the man) wrote and directed the movie so credit for the thought goes to him. Thanks so much to r who pointed out in a review that I failed to acknowledge this on my first posting of this chapter. I promise it was an oversight; I have every intention of acknowledging all the ideas I borrow from others for use in this story. Snoogins!