Author's note: This is based in Clamp's Clamp Campus Detectives.
This story contains Shounen Ai (two guys in love). If you find that icky or otherwise have problems with that, that's between you and your sexual identity issues. Don't bother me with it, you've been aptly warned.
I'd like to thank... Elihice. Yay again Elihice. Yay as well to Asha, aka Larania Drake, by wonderful, sweet Kajin who felt bad because I was unhappy at the low reviews I've been getting for this. Thanks to her and thanks to Elihice, who is good enough to read this without my constant whines to prod her into doing so. lol
Oh and of course I own none of these characters, save my three terrors. If I did, I wouldn't be posting here now would I?
"Kumi...?" Tamae said softly, still standing there by the door, though so was Jun'ko.
"He never left before... " Jun'ko stated numbly, but Tamae didn't look back, unwilling to look away from the door.
Tamae softly muttered in reply, "He'll be back..."
"Are you telling me," Jun'ko asked from his anchored spot. "...or asking me?"
Tamae could barely keep from crying. "...Both." He could slowly feel wetness on his cheeks, despite his efforts. "What are we going to do... if he doesn't come back?"
There was a long pause before the larger man replied, "It'll be okay." His voice sounded a steady as ever but Tamae could feel the worry and he stepped up and grasped Tamae's shoulder. "If I continue through school and behave as my parents want... the allowance they give me should be enough for us to be alright."
He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, running through possibilities. "I could get a job, maybe do readings over the Internet or something... Are we really talking about this? I mean..." his voice started to crack as he felt Jun'ko drape an arm around his neck as he came closer behind him.
"No, no. I'm just worrying, you know me, I'm not happy unless I'm adding something," he tried to joke but Tamae turned in his arms to bury his head in his chest.
His whole world was crashing down on him, on them both. "I'm sorry... this is all my fault. I shouldn't have done that." He clutched at Jun'ko's shirt and sobbed into the dark blue fabric. "I'm always pushing him. Why do I do that?! Why can't I just let things go?!"
"Shhh..." he felt Jun'ko's arms tighten around him and tried to remember a time where Kumi had been so angry, trying to reassure himself that Kumi would be back but he honestly couldn't. Kumi got mad but he'd never stormed out. Stormed around: yes, screamed and shouted: often, threw things: a few times, but never had he left. He pulled harder on Jun'ko's shirt, stretching the knit in his small hands, and tried to stop crying but couldn't help it. Not even the thought that he was being held by Jun'ko (who's arms had always been there to comfort and protect, blocking out the hash and noisy world with their gentle stillness) not even that could make the growing hollow feeling go away.
He could feel Jun'ko's own worry and uncertainly come forward and even as dim as Jun'ko's emotions were, the concern was strong and palatable. As Tamae was feeling his subdued but rising emotions, he felt something else jump into the foreground, something he couldn't pin point. Clear but cluttered, forceful but hesitant, Tamae couldn't pinpoint the emotion, though he thought he might have felt it dimly a few times in the large number cruncher. Jun'ko pulled back from him a little and as Tamae looked up at him, he suddenly found Jun'ko's mouth against his, his one hand reaching up to cup the side of his face.
As surprising at it was, he felt Jun'ko, all of Jun'ko: his want and worry and need and tenderness he had always hid so well. The surprise lasted only a moment and Tamae quickly met him with fervor all his own, catching the larger man off guard a little. Jun'ko smiled through the kiss and used his other arm to pull Tamae's body tight against him. To finally feel Jun'ko all around him was intoxicating and as he let Jun'ko deepen the kiss he began to undo the larger man's collar.
Suoh glanced out the window and watched the scenery whip past. Things were getting difficult but thankfully Nagisa jo had kept up appearances and Nokoru seemed happy for it. He would have to send her something nice; the smile on Nokoru's lips was a rarity these days. No matter how bad things got, romance always brightened him; Suoh's own romance even more than others. Nokoru loved to see those close to him happy so Suoh fought hard to keep that appearance.
"Nagisa jo looked lovely this evening. That's a new fragrance for her isn't it?"
Suoh blinked at the sudden conversation and looked over at the smiling blonde. "I suppose."
"Suoh..." he admonished with a deep frown, as Suoh prepared for another lecture. "You should pay more attention to her, she's your fiancé." He only nodded to reply and Nokoru continued. "If you're not careful you might hurt her feelings, or worse. She's very attractive and tender hearted, if you don't treat her properly she might find someone else." Again he nodded, not liking the direction the lecture was taking.
Nokoru sighed and his face darkened for a moment, but Suoh quickly spoke up. "You shouldn't worry about that. She understands that this is a trying time; you don't need to be concerned for us. We're very happy together."
Nokoru's smile suddenly returned at full force and Suoh was suddenly deeply sorry that it was all a lie, when the wedding that had been planed would have probably have made Nokoru happier than anything else. He was only thankful that he hadn't told Nokoru before the Triplets arrival. All measures had to be taken to ensure that stressful things like that were kept from him.
"I'm glad you two are so well suited for each other. I know your mother would have found you a bride, but I think that she'll be more to you than just a mate."
Suoh nodded to this, his face softening. "Yes, we have a great deal of common ground."
Nokoru nodded happily. "But not too much. A couple needs diversity to truly work. Her softness is a good counter balance to your harshness." He huffed with a smile. "I don't think that she'd ever shout at me to do my paperwork, at least."
Suoh rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't bet on that, she's heard enough stories that she'd know what to do with you."
He laughed at that and Suoh felt weak at the sound of it. It was like a window had been thrown open after spending months in a dank cell, but he steeled himself against the sensation and behaved as though nothing was out of the ordinary. He missed that sound so very much his chest suddenly felt tight.
As the car pulled into Nokoru's home, Suoh got out and held the door for him. "I'm sorry," Nokoru said as he stepped out and looked up at the night sky.
Perplexed, Suoh closed the door and let the limo pull away. "Excuse me?"
"I'm sorry," he repeated as he looked back to him. "I've been horrible to be with lately. Truly. I wish I wasn't but I can't seem to change it."
Seeing his bright face drop back into the deep frown that had become the standard felt like a deathblow to Suoh. "No, you don't ever have to apologize to me."
Nokoru shook his head. "Yes I do. I've put a great deal of strain on you. I can see it in your eyes. I know you've tried to hide it, but I know you well."
"No, I'm fine. I know the school is important to you."
He sighed and drug a hand through his hair. "It's everything. It's all I have."
"Of course it isn't." Suoh grabbed his shoulder and stepped up before him. "You manage how many of your family's divisions? Not to mention the good things you do for people. How many people have you helped, saved even. You give everything of yourself. This school is only a small part of you. It could fall into a crack in the earth in a massive earthquake and you would still have so much."
Nokoru looked near crying again so he continued. "You still have Akira and me, and Utaku jo and Nagisa jo. We'll always be here. I promised I would never leave your side, I meant that..." He leaned down to him and Nokoru reached out to catch his shirt in his hand.
For a moment Nokoru looked to be teetering on doing something and Suoh waited, unmoving, but instead of Nokoru pulling to him for comfort (as he'd done a few times since this disaster started) he released his shirt and smoothed it stiffly. "...You're happy with her? She's your true love?"
Caught off guard by these questions, Suoh was thankful that his charge was staring at the ground and missed the expressions that crossed his face. He quickly gathered himself and lied clearly, without hesitation. "Yes, of course. You found a perfect match for me."
Nokoru paused for a moment before looking up at him with his smile though it was through tears. "I'm glad. Let's... let's get in, it's getting late."
Suoh nodded and followed after him. There wasn't a lie too large or a price too steep to continue the charade. He would do whatever was necessary to keep Nokoru happy.
Jun'ko woke with the sunlight pouring through the window. The first sensation he felt was soreness and exhaustion that took him back to the days so long ago when he'd had a brief stint on the soccer team with Kumi. The previous night came back to him suddenly and an uncharacteristic smile (however faint) crossed his features and he reached across his bed to where his new lover would be. He lifted his head as he found an empty space. "Tamae?"
The bedroom was uncomfortably empty and he felt a wash of doubt before he squashed it, assuring himself that Tamae was only taking a shower or some such. As he was in Tamae's room, there wasn't a robe for him to put on so he pulled on his boxers before heading off in search of the psychic. He had thought of going out without, but the dim hope that Kumi had returned during the night made him dress.
Walking a door down the hall, Jun'ko found his lost red head, sitting the floor of Kumi's room. The bed was made and the books he'd been working on last night still laid out, the pencil across the notebook. Looking small and lost, Tamae was just sitting there, staring. Quietly, Jun'ko knelt behind him and wrapped an arm around him. As he did, he saw the cards spread out before him in what could have once been a clean spread in the Celtic cross he always favored but laid on top of them was several layers of other spreads that Jun'ko couldn't name. Scattered over the many cards were the coins Tamae used at times, a few Nordic runes he rarely did, and even a hanging crystal was added to the mix. "I keep trying..." Tamae muttered, making no move to him. "I don't understand why I can't see him."
"You're upset and emotional. You'd be able to see if you were calm." He brought his other arm around him, in a futile attempt to comfort him when he knew he wasn't what Tamae wanted. "It'll be okay, I promise." he knew it was horrible to be jealous of his friend, but some things couldn't be helped.
Popular and handsome, Kumi burned with a brightness that Jun'ko couldn't hope to even come near. His fiery passion made him a magnet for everyone and few weren't drawn to him in one way or another. Compared to his own cold, mechanical self, he couldn't begin to blame Tamae for wanting Kumi. Kumi was his oldest friend and one of his two best friends and he would never dream of spiting Kumi anything, but still... he envied him Tamae's love, no matter how wonderful it had been to indulge the fantasy of being Tamae's lover for a night.
Still, Tamae made no move to accept his arms and he withdrew them to lay his hands on Tamae's shoulders. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not what you truly want; I wish I could be that... If I could bring him back to you I would, honestly I would, but can't I at least be here for you?" Tamae turned to look at him, his exotic hazel eyes wide, but Jun'ko continued, fearful of his hasty, desperate actions of the previous night destroying his friendship with Tamae (possibly his only friend left). "I'm not pretending to take his place, I know I couldn't, but I'm here. Even if he came back now, he never felt for you as you did him."
"Jun'ko-" Tamae started but Jun'ko was staring at his own hands in his lap as he spoke over him.
"I know how you feel about him, it's all over your face when you look at him. You've gotten better at concealing it over the years, but still..."
"No, no, Jun'ko. I'm not in love with Kumi. I... Well once I was interested in him, smitten more than anything. I mean, he just swept in out of nowhere and saved me like he had drawn my name from a hat. He was my knight in shinning armor." Jun'ko dipped his head further but felt Tamae come forward to look up at him. "I love Kumi very much... but I'm not in love with him. He's family to me, dear family..." his light voice trailed off as he looked back to the room but turned back to him. "...But only family. You..." Jun'ko felt a shiver go up his spine as Tamae brought his hand up to cup the side of his face. "You I love, too, and... I'm in love with you."
Tamae leaned up to kiss him but Jun'ko backed up, the confusion of the previous statement vivid on his normally placid features. "What? No. No, not me. I'm cold and empty, no different than a household computer. You can't love me," he started to stand up, distressed by the ridiculousness of the turn of events. Love him? That was nonsense; there wasn't anything there to love, just empty numbers and figures. Tamae was either hysterical or pitying him.
"Jun'ko!" he demanded, holding him from standing as he threw his arms around his neck, letting his robe fall open carelessly. "No, you're not cold, you're warm and tender- No, you are. You really are! Most people don't see you, they just glance by, look no harder, but I see you... Your feelings are gentler, quieter... buried under doubt... and a little lost, but I can feel them. I see your concern, your selflessness, your empathy... I see you..." He let his voice trail off as he brought his lips against Jun'ko's again and this time met them.
He kissed him deeply for a good while, Tamae crawling up into his lap to wrap his legs around Jun'ko's waist, before he pulled back to nuzzle Jun'ko's neck. "I love you. I have for so long..."
Jun'ko clutched him tightly and breathed in the soft vanilla scent of his soap as a tightness gripped his chest. How beautiful, dear Tamae could want someone like him was incomprehensible, but... "Thank you," was all he could whisper at first. Over and over again, he repeated it. In his young life, he couldn't remember ever being told that by anyone. Why would they? He was little more than living circuitry, a soulless mechanism. He'd been touched that anyone would even befriend him, could show even that much affection for living calculator... but to love him? "Thank you. I... love you, too... So much..." It wasn't much, surely. His love was less valid, less whole than a normal person's love, someone with a real heart... but for some reason the shining creature in his arms leaned back and smiled at him and proclaimed his imperfect love worthy as he kissed him again.
Suoh held the door for Kaichou as he got into the car. He seemed remarkably good today, almost normal and Suoh thought the dark rings around his eyes were lessened, though he was very somber, almost resigned. "Kaichou," he began at the car pulled out to take to the school. "You seem well today."
He nodded. "I'm going to bring an end to this all today. For good or bad, it'll be done with and we can get on with our lives," he stated. There was no hint of doubt in his voice and that worried Suoh deeply.
"Kaichou?"
The smaller man, his charge and reason for living, turned to look up at him and smiled brightly. "Don't worry, everything will be better once this is done with. No matter the outcome, things will be better than they've been, I promise."
Nokoru patted his hand warmly but Suoh wasn't able to keep his brow from knitting. After how odd he'd been lately and the depression that had been crushing him, to hear such a final statement left him deeply concerned. That concern only grew to a dangerous pitch by the time the car deposited them at the school.
"Good morning, Akira," he said brightly to Ijyuin san as they entered the counsel office.
"G-good morning, Kaichou," he stammered, not quite sure what to make of the cheerfulness he saw. Suoh could see a hopeful gleam in him as he flashed Suoh a smile. Despite Akira's happy acceptance of the change, Suoh only got more worried.
"Suoh," Nokoru started, snapping him from his musings.
"Yes?"
"I want you to call ahead to my morning classes and tell the teachers I'll be absent for important business."
Suoh felt his face darken further as he pulled out his phone. "Should I call my classes as well, and Ijyuin's...?"
"Why are we missing class, Kaichou?" came Akira's light voice as he brought over some cookies to them, his face the picture of innocent confusion.
"You two don't have to miss, but if you want to I doubt I can stop you. I'm going to finish our problems with Ayashiko san and his associates, Akira, and I think it will take the better part of the morning to do it."
"Oh?" he blinked and looked to Suoh for a hint, but all he got was Suoh's dark expression. "How?"
Nokoru only shook his head and waved Suoh to proceed with his calls, which he diligently went through (including his own and Ijyuin san's). After which Nokoru spoke again. "Now, if you would be so kind, I would like you to call this number."
Suoh accepted the small piece of paper and looked at it, recognizing it immediately. "It's Ayashiko's number," he half stated for Akira and as a question to Nokoru.
"Yes, I need you to ask him to meet me at Gamera hall. I've already insured it will be unoccupied."
Suoh's expression was pure distrust but again, he made the call. The phone rang four times and Suoh was near giving up when he heard Ayashiko answer. "Good morning, Takamura san," he answered brightly. "And how are you this fine, fine winter day?"
Red filled his vision but he managed to speak calmly. "The Kaichou would like to meet with you this morning."
"Splendid. I'm always up for a visit and I was actually about to call him myself. You sure the little blonde isn't a bit psychic?"
Interested in little short of the bastard's head on a pike, Suoh continued without answering. "Meet him at the Clamp Gamera hall."
"Oh... a party is it? Well, I'll have to dress accordingly." With that he hung up and Suoh was somehow able to keep from snapping the phone in two.
"He'll be there."
"Wonderful," he said, standing from his desk and heading out the door.
As they waited outside the main doors, the Kaichou was content to sit on the steps and stare off into space. Akira wanted nothing more than to ask Takamura sempai what was happening but, as they didn't dare leave earshot of the Kaichou, that wasn't possible. Something was very wrong, he could see that painted across Takamura sempai's face and it was beginning to scare Akira badly. The Kaichou had been frighteningly depressed lately and when he'd told Suoh that Utako san had voiced concerns about Kaichou doing something "drastic" Suoh had quietly agreed with her. Eventually Akira had finally understood that by drastic they meant suicide.
Akira had been waking up many nights from terrifying nightmares that took hours to fade. Too many times he had slipped into the Kaichou's property and watched him sleeping from his windowsill. It was one of the few times he was thankful for his "skills" and he had even once or twice slipped into the room to check on him. He was so afraid he would come in one morning and get a phone call that Kaichou was hurt or worse. He busied himself with cooking things he knew the Kaichou liked to cheer him up and because Utako had said that depressed people may skip meals. There was little he could do besides provide support, meals, and a watchful eye from the window ledge.
Somehow, it felt like all he was doing was watching from window ledges these days. He wanted to help, but if Takamura sempai couldn't he didn't know what he could do. He tried his best to be cheerful so that Kaichou would be cheerful and sometimes it worked... but then a moment later he looked all hollowed out inside. He wished Utako san was here, she would know what to do, or at least she would know what was going on for sure.
Once, before this all happened, Utako said that Kaichou was unhappy too often to be healthy. Akira hadn't understood and told her that the Kaichou was always happy (except when doing paperwork); he was one of the happiest people that Akira knew. Utako san had just shaken her head. "He makes the mistake of thinking he can fill his heart with other people's happiness instead of his own. Every good person is warmed by the joy of others, but everyone needs to be happy for themselves' as well. Kaichou doesn't seem to be very good at that. All he has is little diversions and other's happiness, and no one can be happy living like that."
He still wasn't sure about what she said. He certainly seemed happy, or at least before this he did, and certainly he loved to see other people happy, but...
He was thinking that over again as the high whine of a motorcycle filtered through the air. Jet black with candy apple flames dancing up the sides, the ninja motorcycle shined and sparkled in the morning light, so slick it seemed to be almost liquid. Its rider was clad in a black leather coat and a black helmet with matching flames. The Kaichou stood at his spot on the middle landing on the stairs and instead of parking the bike on the street (though he wasn't even allowed to have a motor vehicle here), Ayashiko san rode the machine up onto the walkway and up the stairs, to stop before the Kaichou.
With a flourish, he stepped off the bike and pulled off his helmet, looking like an American action hero. "Well, Kaichou. You called this party, I certainly hope you intend to dance." As he spoke in his disrespectful way he unzipped the leather coat and tossed it back onto the bike with the helmet. Not in the uniform they had always seen him in, his pants were baggy and black with a chain looped at his waist. His t-shirt was orange and yellow with a chain around his neck and two steel hoops in his one ear. Though definitely not his style, Akira thought the clothes looked very well kept; even the heavy black boots looked brand new.
"I certainly am if you are," Kaichou said as he waved him towards the hall. He and Takamura sempai stepped aside to let them walk past, but before they could follow, Kaichou stopped them and said that they would need some time in private. Takamura sempai looked near swallowing his tongue and Akira didn't blame him, but Kaichou smiled his old smile and said, "Don't worry, you'll both still be with me. Everything will be better," and with that the disappeared within the dark building.
They were quiet a long moment until Akira spoke up. "Takamura sempai...?"
Suoh's only response was to shake his head with a gnawing worry in his eyes and Akira was sure a similar emotion was in his.