Chapter 15: Black Eyes
Harry's eyes snapped open and he gasped outwardly as he shot upright in bed! Immediately his body was overwhelmed with pain. The scar on his head felt like it had split wide open and every nerve in his face was burning. Having his shoulder healed throughout his dream made him forget that in reality the joint was still un-mended.
It was the last thing from his mind as he grasped with both arms at the searing pain in the middle of his chest. The movement caused him to writhe further as his left shoulder joined the torture that inflicted him. The fact that no wound was visible on his chest showed him that the injury was an illusion just like his healed shoulder.
Still the agony was so great that Harry found it hard to breathe. He coughed violently as his lungs fought for air that his aching chest was reluctant to give. Every painful moment seemed like an eternity. He brought his right hand hurriedly towards his head in an attempt to comfort the scar and just as quickly found, to his surprise, that in it he held his dad's wand, which poked him deeply in the eye.
"BLOODY FRIGGIN HELL!" He screamed and threw the wand onto the bedroom floor. Overcome by his ailments, he collapsed back onto the bed and shut both his eyes tightly willing the multitude of pains to subside. He compromised by bringing his right hand over both his eyes and forehead, hoping to console two pains with one gesture. Then suddenly, the pain was gone. Harry released his tensing muscles and paused to make sure that what his body was telling him was actually right. Shit…am I dead? Wouldn't that be rich?
When he opened his eyes he understood why the pain was gone. The room around him was in black and white, and he suddenly had the clarity of mind that came with these visions. Though he did notice that the vision he saw through the eye he poked was a little less than clear.
Harry rose tenderly from his bed and made his way over to the window. Anticipating that the pain would return he stood cautiously in front of the window and stared outside. The view behind Grimmauld Place was magnificent. The large garden and the many different trees that landscaped the wizard home were arranged in a natural manner, especially when compared to the neatly organized gardens along Privet Drive. Harry opened the window in front of him and felt the same familiar mix of breeze and warm sun against his skin. He smiled as he let the elements wash over him feeling the synergy of the life outside blend with his own.
The splendors of seeing and feeling the world like this, the clarity of mind that came with his vision, were a much appreciated contrast from the pain and confusion that had so recently plagued him. Despite the simplicity of it all, Harry could feel in the back of his mind the nagging burden that was now upon him. He was not foolish enough to take Voldemort's words to heart, but they had been potent enough to make him realize that he needed answers. Just not right now, the lure of seeing the world without "the grays" Voldemort alluded to was too appealing.
Harry stared for a while enjoying how the fabric of life so simply wound its intricate weave. But when he looked past the trees and garden Harry saw something that was unlike any glow he had seen before. All of 12 Grimmauld Place was covered in a translucent dome of multi-colored light. It wasn't a part of everything else, as it didn't interact with the world around it, instead it looked like it was placed there…rather it was forced into place. Nonetheless, the multi-colored light was beautiful, the colors swirled together and created different hues as they overlapped. He followed them to where they met the ground and there the colors separated. He could see the source of the dome, it's base, and there the red light mixed with yellow, blue with green, and a purple lights overlapping them all.
Slowly Harry put his mind to work trying to figure out what was the cause of the dome. It wasn't alive like everything else he could see but it looked familiar. Almost like the green ball of light he saw come from Lestrange when she tried to cast the killing curse. It didn't look malevolent, it just looked like magic – permanent magic. His mind quickly put together what that could only mean; he was seeing the wards around Grimmauld Place.
Harry was disrupted from further examining his discovery by a noise from outside his room. When he turned to face the room, he was surprised again as he saw that the wall encasing the window also glowed with the same rainbow sheen of colors. It was a stark contrast to the dead gray tone of the rest of the room. At least until he looked through the open door of the closet and saw the bright white light emanating out of Sirius' pensieve.
The sight of the pensieve triggered the memories of all the problems awaiting his attention. The most prominent of which were the questions that filled his mind after the conversation with Voldemort. Sirius! It made perfect sense. He was the only pureblood that Harry knew who would have all the answers and that he'd not have to worry about him telling anybody. One of the conveniences of being dead, Harry thought dryly.
Harry gave a spiteful smile in response to his morbid thought, and began listing in his mind all the other things he needed to discuss with Sirius. While staring at the white glow emanating from the pensieve Harry felt all his confusion come to a peak; it quickly rekindled the desire to continue with his training. Without another thought for the noise outside his room he headed over to the closet to retrieve the pensieve.
Before he reached a closet, Harry was stopped by a light knock from the bedroom door.
"…Harry?" Hermione whispered softly.
Hermione cracked the door open and looked for the sight of Harry resting in his bed, not seeing him there she opened the door fully to examine the rest of the room.
Harry, turned expecting to see the view of Hermione he was accustomed to, but what he saw took his breath.
Hermione was only the second person Harry had seen while he still held this new sight, and when he saw Lestrange this way she was in the midst of attacking him. So, when he saw the vision of Hermione wrapped in a beautiful light blue radiance, one that burned intensely, he was awestricken. He focused intently on the young women before him, and could see her physical features through the glow. Harry was mesmerized by the way her body blended with the light and accentuated the stunning image. Harry wasn't sure how to describe it – Hermione's image was…angelic.
"Her-Hermione?" Harry muttered.
"It's me Harry…are you alright?" Hermione asked.
Harry couldn't reply. He had never seen anything so exquisite before. It wasn't a rush of emotion that held him in silence, well, not like one would feel from an intense physical attraction. He just couldn't stop himself from marveling at the absolute beauty in front of his eyes. He looked her over, and was only more enraptured when she began moving. The grace of the angelic vision glided across his room, her physical form dancing with the blue light surrounding her.
"Harry? What is the matter – why are you looking at me that way?" Hermione said. Since she entered the room Harry had only managed to say her name, and after that he only stood there with his jaw dropped looking at her. She thought something was wrong at first. But as she watched him look her up and down her concern shifted to an uncomfortable self-awareness from the boy's firm gaze.
Harry watched as Hermione came close enough for the light blue light around her to touch him. His initial reaction was to move away and avoid the blue glow, but once it connected he was glad he hadn't stopped it. Upon contact the light grew intensely, it wrapped around his entire body and he was filled with a sense of warmth and comfort. It felt like an embrace and he reviled in the wonderful sensation. The clarity of her features was heightened as they shared the light and he noticed that her eyes had a vivid rainbow sheen like he had just seen in the wards.
"Hermione, you're so beautiful." Harry said lost in his gaze.
Instantly the light blue glow flushed to pink around the now blushing girl and with the change in color came in increase in the intensity of the warmth he felt. But just as suddenly the color changed to a sharp orange and the glow had a frightful feeling to it.
"Harry, your eyes!" Hermione almost screamed. "Your eyes! Your eyes Harry, they're black!"
The change in color and feel of Hermione's glow was terribly unpleasant and was only amplified by the fear evident in her voice. The change brought back memories of the uncomfortable situation he had just faced with Voldemort. The feeling wasn't something he wanted to be victim to again and he shut his eyes tightly to let loose his minds hold on the ability to see the glow. When he opened them again he saw, without his glasses, a blurry vision of Hermione standing in front of him with tears forming in her eyes.
"Hermione it's ok, I'm fine." He said and reached out to comfort her.
Hermione flinched away from Harry's outstretched hand, but also noticed that her friend's green eyes had returned. She stared frightfully at what she didn't understand.
"Hermione it's ok, there's nothing wrong. It's just me – Harry." He reached again to Hermione who this time allowed him to hold her shoulder. Harry could feel the girl trembling under his touch and he leaned down to the concerned witch so he could point his stare directly into her eyes. "Look at me, nothing's wrong."
"But your eyes Harry. They were black." Hermione said in a shaky voice. "There were flecks of green, but they were mostly black."
Harry was a little concerned about this information. Had his eyes always turned black when he saw the world glow, or was it only because he was looking at Hermione? He didn't have time to worry himself with that. He could feel Hermione trembling under his hand and knew that he couldn't continue to let her suffer while he took time to sort this out.
"Come here Hermione, you're shaking." He pulled his friend toward him and wrapped his good arm around her. She set her head gently against his injured shoulder but then snapped away again.
"Your shoulder's burning up Harry." She said as she examined the bandaged area. "Please Harry, tell me what's happening to you, what were you doing before I came in?"
Harry touched his shoulder with his hand and sure enough it was unusually warm, almost hot to the touch. "I don't know what's happening Hermione, but I don't think it's anything bad. In fact, I'm positive it's not bad."
"But Harry your eyes were black, you can't imagine how…evil you looked." It wasn't how she wanted to describe it, but she was sure that was the most accurate way. "Maybe I should go get Madam Pomfrey, I've never heard of a curse that could do something like this, but it's better we not leave it to chance."
Harry went rigid with the thought of Hermione running off to reveal another one of his secrets to some authority figure. His mind was so clouded with the confusion of what Voldemort had said to him, and with his own lack of confidence in those authority figures, that he wasn't going to allow her to risk anymore of his freedom.
"No Hermione you can't! You can't tell them about this!" Harry yelled crossly. He saw the look in Hermione's eyes and suddenly realized how harsh his words had come out. He softened his gaze and ran his hand comfortingly down his friend's arm, "Hermione promise me, swear that you won't tell them." He pleaded softly.
"But Harry something could be wrong, something is happening to you, hurting you." She was almost crying at this point, though her face was resolute. "You have to tell someone, you even said you don't know what is happening. How do you know that this isn't an effect from your fight with the Death Eaters?"
Her continued argument further angered him, for a moment he wondered if he couldn't trust Hermione either, if she was just like the rest of the Order always trying to keep tabs on the happenings in his life. "This has been happening to me since before the fight." Harry said defiantly.
It was then that Hermione remembered the flash of black she thought she saw in Harry's eyes the day Winky brought her to Privet Drive. At the time it happened so fast that she dismissed it entirely. Now she was regretting her irresponsibility. "I can't Harry, I have to tell someone. How can I not? Wizard's eyes don't turn black because nothing is happening to them. At least let me tell Dumbledore." She pleaded.
She is trying to keep tabs on my life! Harry thought. What if Dumbledore has gotten to her, told her to watch over me and report anything suspicious to him? Harry fought with the thought. No, if that were so, then she wouldn't tell me that she wanted to tell the Headmaster. Harry shook his head in frustration. Damn it, now Voldemort's got me questioning my own friend's loyalties!
"No!" Harry said firmly. Confirming both to himself that he wouldn't accept that Hermione was spying for Dumbledore, and replying to her plea to confer with the Headmaster.
Harry thought about the possible repercussions of Dumbledore learning of his new ability. He was sure that the Headmaster would try to assert more controls over Harry, or even worse he might separate him from all of his friends until they knew what was happening. Harry was positive that he not let these things happen.
"You can't Hermione." Harry thought fast on how to placate his concerned friend. "Listen, when you came in the room, when I saw you with my eyes the way they were it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my life. I don't know how to explain it; I could see…a glow around you. And when you came closer I could feel it, I could feel you near me. It definitely wasn't bad, It didn't hurt…it felt…good. Please don't tell them, whatever is happening to me isn't some curse, or something evil. I just need time to figure this out, on my own. Please just tell me what I have to do to convince you." He begged.
Hermione wasn't sure what to do with all of that. If it wasn't enough that Harry was trying to convince her to not do something that she was sure was the right thing, he just told her she was beautiful, or at least that was how he saw her with those black eyes. "Harry…" her pleading voice said.
"No Hermione, you have to do this for me, I can't let you give the Order more reason to be concerned over me. It's important…essential to me that I not let them control my life anymore." Harry was afraid that he was admitting too much. "Listen whatever it takes Hermione, you can watch me, you can read as many books as you want and try to figure this out, but I don't want the Order or..."
"Why do you think the Order is trying to control your life Harry?" Hermione was too astute to overlook a piece of information as dramatic as that.
Harry grimaced as his worry was confirmed by Hermione's interruption. "Not now, I can't get into that now. Trust me, I have my reasons and I promise that they are every bit justified." Harry paused and put on his most pleading glare. "You have to just trust me, for now, it is best for me that I not let them have any more reasons to want to control my life. In the five years we've been best friends, I have never more needed for you to take my word than I do right now."
"Please Harry?" Hermione said in a defeated voice. "I'm so afraid for you, what if…what if it's…Voldemort?" The girl saw her friend's face harden as she admitted her ultimate concern. "He tricked you last year, he gave you visions, made you see things." She rattled off quickly trying to justify her seeming accusation.
Harry hadn't thought about this, he had never imagined that something so wonderful could have been a tool that Voldemort was using to manipulate him. He wouldn't accept that idea, he couldn't. His rationalizing mind struggled to find a counter argument, one that could overlook the fact that the Dark Lord had assaulted him last night.
"It's not Voldemort." Harry said as he internally accepted his best argument, "My scar would burn if it was Voldemort doing this to me, and whenever this occurs, all my pains go away." He failed to mention that it was the pain of his scar burning, in combination with the many other pains he felt this morning, that had brought on this recent session with his vision.
Hermione had run out of arguments. "I can't let you get hurt Harry, what if…" Hermione stopped.
"Hermione listen, I promise you that if you keep this between you and me, I won't make any attempts to run off, or do anything else of the sort without telling you about it first. This isn't about a hero complex!"
"Harry this isn't about that." Hermione said dejectedly. "I don't want to tell Dumbledore because I'm concerned over you having a hero complex, I want to tell him because I'm afraid that something bad is happening to you. To you, do you understand? I don't want you to get hurt."
"Hermione, if it wasn't for these visions Dobby would be dead and Lestrange would have succeeded in capturing me."
"Oi, what are you two doing?" Ron yelled from the entrance to the bedroom. "and why is Hermione crying. What did you do Harry?"
Harry looked pleadingly at Hermione, and then looked at the blurry vision of red hair standing across the room.
"I said, why is Hermione crying?" Ron repeated louder.
Hermione turned and faced Ron while she cleared the tears from eyes. "Ron it's fine, Harry and I were just…"
Harry stopped her, "We can tell him Hermione. That I don't have any objections to."
Hermione looked like the burden of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. "Thank you Harry."
"Tell me what, what are you two up to?" There was almost fear in Ron's voice.
Harry could feel it too, the mixture of jealousy and loss that was running through Ron. And he wasn't sure what to do with that or what it meant.
"Shut the door Ron." Harry said.
"No, you two tell me what's going on, tell me what you are up to!" Ron commanded.
"I'm trying to you prat, but I need you to close the door. Is anyone else heading up here behind you?" Harry said.
Ron was hesitant to comply but shut the door anyway. "No everyone is downstairs in the living area. I just got the feeling that something was wrong, it was weird actually."
Harry didn't pay attention to Ron's last comment and instead called for Dobby. The elf popped immediately into the room. "Good day Harry Potter sir." Dobby said.
"Dobby make sure that no one is able to enter or hear anything in this room until we come out." Harry said.
Without question the elf snapped his fingers. "Thank you Dobby that will be all." Dobby smiled brightly and popped back out of the room.
"You two sit down over there." Harry said pointing to the couch in front of the fireplace. The two friends complied, but Ron gave Hermione a puzzled look as he did so. Once both his friends were settled, Harry positioned himself in front of them, "Ok, Ron don't freak out, I'm going to show you something."
Harry concentrated for a second on the emotions he sensed from Ron, he could feel his friends jealousy, hurt, a resounding feeling of loss, but also a strong sense of concern. He let the emotions wash over his mind and instantly the vision was upon him. He again could see the light around Hermione, it wasn't the vibrant light blue it was before it was dimmer but she was still as beautiful regardless. Then he looked to Ron and saw a green glow around the boy turn to the same sharp orange he had seen encompass Hermione.
"Harry your eyes, what the hell is wrong with your eyes!" Ron said, unknowingly mimicking the same urgent tone Hermione held not too long ago.
The difference with Harry's interaction with Ron was that he could not only see the change in color around him, but could feel the worry from his friend despite not being in contact with his glow. Harry smiled in an attempt to ease his friends concern. "This is what Hermione was crying about, she walked in this morning while my eyes were like this. Gave her a bit of a start I think."
"Of course it did you look like a bloody demon Harry. What the hell is wrong with you?" Ron said.
"I don't know what this is, but nothing is wrong with me. Not only can I now see perfectly without my glasses, but I can also see a glow around you, and apparently I can see them change when your emotions change. Like right now, Hermione has a light blue glow around her, but there's also a tinge of the same orange glow that is around you Ron. It's quite beautiful actually."
Ron's eyes bulged out of his head, "Are you calling me beautiful? There's definitely something wrong with whatever is happening to you."
"No you prat, I'm not calling you beautiful, I'm saying the glow around you is. Though the blue light around Hermione makes her features pretty striking." Harry said honestly.
His compliment had the effect of returning that brilliant pink glow around Hermione, and the green glow around Ron. Harry thought for a second, which may have been even less due to the clarity of his mind like this. "That's not all" He smiled and held his hand up. "Accio knife." One of the throwing knives Ron kept on him from the Marauder's Trunk flew over to Harry.
"Wow! How'd you do that?" Ron said, "that was wandless magic, that's, it's…" Ron fumbled his words.
"Ron tell Harry that we have to tell Dumbledore and the Order about this immediately. Look at his eyes, they're black, they have to know. What if this is some dark magic that's controlling him?" Hermione could no longer hold her rant.
Ron could sense how strongly opposed Harry was to this suggestion. In fact, he could sense that Harry was getting angry with Hermione for insisting otherwise. "Ah, Hermione I don't think that's such a good idea." Ron said.
Hermione looked outraged, she was sure that Ron would side with her. How could he not after seeing Harry's appearance with those black eyes? "What do you mean it's not a good idea, we have to tell someone, we have no idea what's happening to him it could be hurting him." Hermione persisted.
"He looks fine to me, well maybe not, but he seems to be doing just fine despite the way he looks." Ron replied.
"Hermione this isn't up for discussion." Harry said flatly. "You can't tell anyone else about this. If you are truly worried about me, like you claim, than why don't you try to figure out what this is? I can't afford to let the Order interfere with my life any longer, I won't allow it." Harry said bluntly. "I swear if you tell them I will leave here just as quickly as I arrived." Harry said angrily.
"Harry no…" Hermione whimpered. "I won't tell anyone, I'm sorry…" She turned her head away from the boys so they wouldn't see her fighting the tears.
Ron gave Harry a really hard stare and then pointed his gaze over to Hermione. Harry only stared back at the redhead. The both sensed what the other was feeling, and despite that knowledge they still wouldn't change their positions. Ron leaned over to Hermione, "Don't worry, the two of us can make sure that whatever is happening to Harry he doesn't get hurt from it. We've been taking care of him for five years now, we ought to expect this by now really." He gave the upset young women a nudge.
Harry let loose the site from his eyes and walked over to his two blurry friends. He knelt down in front of Hermione and turned her face to his with his hand. "Hermione trust me this is best kept between us. It's time we realized that we have to stop looking to everyone else, especially the Order, for everything. In our first four years we faced all our challenges together, relying only on each other's help. It's time we got back to that. We're fighting for our futures, not the Order's, and we have to do this our way, not theirs."
Hermione's teary eyes brightened and she smiled at her two friends. "I won't tell."
"That's good, because Ron and I have a little secret we want to let you in on." Harry paused for effect, "Remus gave me the Marauder's Trunk last night."
"And you'll never guess what was in it." Ron quickly added.
Hermione looked perplexed at her two friends. "Well, what is it?"
"We found the Marauder's Guide to Animagus Transformation, it's their notes on how to learn to become Anamagus!" Ron said.
"I gathered as much Ron." Hermione said contritely. "Why did Remus give it to you Harry, surely he doesn't think you should learn to become an unregistered animagus." she asked.
"I don't think he had a choice, Sirius left it to me in his will, along with Grimmauld Place and some other stuff." Harry said. "Besides, Remus made it clear to us last night, that he was going to remain intentionally unaware of whatever we may find or use in the trunk."
Hermione's sense of responsibility was easily trumped by her desire to access a new source of knowledge. "Well, where is it. Have you read it yet, I can't believe you didn't tell me about it sooner, we have so much to do now."
"We can't look at it yet Hermione, I have some stuff to take care of and I want to heal up first before we get started." Harry replied.
"Oh Harry, you can't tell me that you've got this new source of information and then not let me have look at it. We don't have to do anything yet, but let me read it until we're ready. I can take notes and begin putting together all the stuff that we'll need to get started. Please Harry, you have to, I've been dying this summer without any assigned schoolwork to study." Hermione pleaded.
After Hermione's decision to keep his new condition a secret, Harry knew this was the least he could do for her. "Fine, you can look at the guide, but you absolutely cannot let anyone but Ron or I see you with it." Harry went over to the shrunken trunk on his nightstand, said the secret password to enlarge it, and then retrieved the guide for Hermione. "Here, have a blast and be sure not to let anyone see it."
"Harry you'd think I'm not aware of the consequences of illegally studying to undergo an Animagus transformation." Hermione said. "I won't let anyone else see it."
"Fine then, out, the both of you. I have to get dressed and I want a little time on my own. A certain blue angel decided to deprive me of that this morning when she burst into my room uninvited." Harry smiled as he looked over at Hermione.
"Do you have to call her that Harry? I mean really, I don't think it's right." Ron argued.
Hermione was fully blushing red, "I think it's charming."
"See, now you've encouraged her, we'll never hear the end of this." Ron moaned.
The two got up and left the room with a little encouraging from Harry. He shut the door behind them and turned to look through the window again. Harry recalled all the times he had looked out the window at Privet Drive, the visions he had there were never in the company of other people, and he was always too entranced by the beauty of it all to question if there were consequences. Later, when the sight took over him while being attacked by Lestrange, what he learned from being under its influence wound up saving his life. But now, after seeing Hermione and Ron's fearful reactions, he was concerned about how unquestioning he had been over this new ability. What if this was some sort of dark magic, or worse, something that Voldemort was causing to happen to him?
He focused his mind on his emotions and then on the sensations in the room; instantly the vision returned. He looked at the glowing wall, and the burning amber glow of life outside the window. Then, for the first time since the attack, he looked down at himself. He held his hands up in front of him, and saw a silvery-white glow that burned fiercely from them.
He turned his stare down to the rest of his body and witnessed the same glow from everywhere but his injured shoulder. There, beneath the bandages Harry watched as the silvery-white glow around him intertwined with faint red and blue twines of light. It looked like the silvery-white light was incorporating the other two lights into it, making them more and more faint each time the silvery-white light folded over the blue and red. The longer at he stared at his shoulder, the more rapid the braiding of the lights became. Eventually it seemed like only silver and white light was folding over itself.
Deciding that he had to see more, Harry walked across the room to the full-length mirror Sirius delivered his pensieve speech into. He looked at his reflection from his feet up to his face. Like everything else he saw through this vision, the glow that encapsulated him was the most prominent feature, but he could also see his normal features through it. The skin tone of his legs, the color of the shorts he had on, and even the white bandages that almost blended in with the silvery-white glow. It was when he turned his head up to look at his face that he understood why Hermione was struck with such fear when she saw him.
The contrast of deep black eyes against the vibrant silvery-white glow made him flinch away from his own reflection. Being able to see through the glow made it clear that the change in his eye color wasn't a part of the glow around him; his actual eyes were in fact black. Regaining his composure he leaned closer to the mirror to better inspect the change. The eyes were almost entirely black, but like Hermione had said, there were several flecks of emerald green in both eyes. But then something else caught his attention. He pushed the hair off of his forehead and saw that his scar was glowing a deep crimson. It looked like it was bleeding, and Harry mistakenly reached up to wipe blood away from the scar.
He pulled away from the mirror horrified, and took in one last look at himself before shuttering and forcing the sight from his vision. The color of the room around him returned, and so did his normal appearance in the mirror. Harry leaned in again to examine his eyes and scar, but neither of them exhibited any signs of change from their normal appearance. This change, whatever it was, was definitely something he couldn't remain ignorant about any longer.
Harry didn't know what to do with himself. He had just made such a big deal to Hermione and Ron not to tell anyone about what they saw. Now he himself, pride-be-damned, wanted to run to Dumbledore for help. In fact it was only because of the ordeal he went through with Hermione that he didn't give in to his worry and seek out the Headmaster. But he was too alarmed at this point to not speak with someone. Between his conversation with Voldemort, and the fact that he was donning the appearance of a demon in his spare time, too much had happened too quickly for him not to speak with someone.
Only a quick search of his room was needed to find solace lying in the closet. Harry smiled gratefully at the pensieve and then laughed at his thought, "Maybe it was a good thing that Hermione burst in on me this morning. Otherwise I would have only had to talk to Sirius about the attacks, my outbursts with Fudge and Dumbledore, Kreacher, the Marauder's Trunk, and my conversation with Voldemort. All this with a man who's going to forget all of it once I leave."
Harry shook his head as he walked over to the closet, resolving to himself that he would have to study up on Runes and Enchantments to find a way for Sirius' memory to preserve it's recollection of conversations in the pensieve. It was when he had to pick up the pensieve with his one good arm that he realized how difficult this task was going to be. He was sore enough when he left from the pensieve with a good shoulder, but now he was unsure if a visit to Sirius was even possible.
He decided on a very awkward position that had him kneeling on the floor in front of his nightstand, with his shoulder and arm propped onto the bed next to him. Harry bent over fully and plunged his nose into the pensieve.
"Well kid, If you're there, watching me here…"
"Snivellus the Slimy Snot Rag."
The familiar change of scenery flashed around Harry and soon he found himself in the hidden corridor beneath Grimmauld Place. Harry spun to face the podium stand behind him where he knew his godfather would be. "Hey Sirius!"
"Hey kid, what in blazes happened to you?"
"I had a little run-in with some Death Eater's at Privet Drive." He said calmly.
"WHAT! But Dumbledore said that you were safe there, that Voldemort couldn't find you because of your mother's sister's blood!"
Harry expected this reaction from Sirius, "Yeah, Dumbledore has said a lot of things. This is just another reason why we don't listen to him so much anymore to hear what else he has to say."
"You seem pretty calm, we haven't talked about this already have we?" Sirius asked.
"No, but we have covered some of the things Dumbledore told me, and your reactions were less than approving when you heard."
Sirius paused to take another look at Harry, "Well you're obviously not here to train." Sirius conjured up a couple of plush chairs next to Harry. "Care to fill me in?"
The two sat down and Harry took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to begin.
"That bad huh?" Sirius asked.
Harry gave no reaction to his godfather's comment. Mentally he agreed that it was definitely that bad. Now that Harry was here, and knew that the answers to so many of his questions from his conversation with Voldemort were right in front of his face, he wasn't sure he wanted them. What if Sirius' answers only confirmed what Voldemort said? That would mean that Voldemort had spoken some truth. But what would that mean? What would he do with that information?
Sirius leaned forward in his chair and waved his hand in front of Harry's face. "Hey kid!" He snapped his fingers a couple times, "You with me here? You know I'm the one who comes with the password that gets me talking, not you."
Harry snapped out of his thoughts. "Sorry about that, I just got a little lost in my thoughts." He knew it was wrong, but he decided that he wasn't ready to face up to his concerns. The possibility that it would change everything he had come to believe was just a bit too much to have to deal with at the moment.
"So are you going to talk to me, or did you just come here so you could stare at my stunning image while you daydreamed?" Sirius said and smiled at his own joke, although his face revealed how concerned he was.
Harry drifted off again for a moment, and then jolted back to see Sirius still staring at him. "No…I mean yes, I'm going to talk, that's why I came here." Harry paused, "Besides, I don't know that I would call your image stunning."
"Well then not only are you a bad conversationalist, but you're a poor judge of looks as well." Sirius said, but the half smile on his face revealed that he obviously didn't find things funny. "Jokes aside, are you alright Harry?"
"Me? I'm not doing to bad considering. I guess once you get past the attack, me telling off Fudge and Dumbledore, dealing with Kreacher, having to re-grow the bones in my shoulder, oh, and getting a dress for my birthday…not too bad at all."
"Good lord Harry, what the hell are you getting yourself into?"
"Did I mention that my eyes have been turning pitch black when I'm having these new visions?" Harry waited for Sirius' look of shock, "No? Oh, well otherwise I did manage to have a really cool birthday; of course the Dursleys are staying at your place now that the Death Eaters know about Privet Drive." Now that Harry had run through his list of happenings he was almost able to rationalize to himself that not mentioning his run in with Voldemort was for the better.
Sirius stared with his eyes wide open and his jaw dropped to his lap. Then without changing his features, he leaned forward and pulled Harry's head towards him. "You hit your head right, you're just delusional right now." Sirius said.
Harry chuckled and pushed his godfather off of him, "Have you been talking to Ron?"
Sirius let go of the boy's head and fell back into his chair. "Ron? Harry you know I can't remember…"
"A joke Sirius, it was a joke." Harry said before Sirius could remind him of his memory situation. "Actually, I only came here so you could tell me how to get down to this training area in Grimmauld Place." Harry motioned to the room around him.
The shocked man shook his head, "You know it's a good thing I'm already dead. Because I'm sure I wouldn't have survived through your teenage years with all this stress."
Harry managed a half smile at the joke. "I'm not sure we're to the point where I'm ready for you to joke about being dead."
"Is that so? So you can come here and tell me that the apocalypse has occurred and you're only concerned with finding a training room, but I can't make a joke about being dead, that's rich." Sirius responded. "Go down to the basement from the stairs in the kitchen, find the wine rack against the back wall, take two steps away from it and say, 'My mom's a raving drunk', that will get you to this training area." Sirius looked fixedly at Harry, "So now that you know will you finally elaborate on this epic adventure you've been on?"
Harry settled into his chair for the long conversation. He figured before he could get started he would have to retell Sirius about the events following his godfather's death, about how Dumbledore told him the prophecy and his conversation in the Headmaster's office. Almost like a record replaying itself, Sirius started to go off about the incident. It was only when Harry filled him in on the fact that they already had the conversation, did he calm down.
From there, Harry went into the attack on Privet Drive. He told Sirius every detail he could remember, and had to pause several times to let Sirius rant about Dumbledore and Fudge. When it came to the point in the story where he should have told Sirius about Remus killing Lestrange, he didn't.
Harry realized that even though he wanted nothing more than to tell Sirius that they had avenged his death, it was more important to him that he keep something between only himself and Remus. The fact that Sirius was unaware how he died, and wouldn't remember the fact that he was avenged made Harry understand that telling him would have only been for selfish reasons. It would have only been a chance for Harry to see how Sirius would react and not a way to give the memory-less man any sense of peace. Harry was sure that keeping his unspoken understanding with Remus was more valuable than that.
"So you're telling me that you performed wandless magic?" Sirius roused Harry from his thoughts.
"It's more than that, but I'll get to it later. There's more you need to know." Harry said.
Harry resumed his tale. He told Sirius about the aftermath of the attacks, how everyone was astonished at him using a blasting curse, and about all the other attacks. Sirius asked if Harry knew the identity of the other three Death Eaters. The fact that Harry didn't was surprising, but he was definitely going to find out. Next he told how Fudge started threatening him on the front lawn, and what he had to say in response to the Minister. Harry had to pause for Sirius to stop guffawing.
"You called him a fat worthless man! Oh that's too much, I bet he shit his pants!" Sirius managed between breaths.
Harry couldn't help but smile at how much Sirius enjoyed his yelling at Fudge.
"Do you think I did the right thing making the Minister revoke those decrees?" Harry asked.
"Well, the decrees were there for a purpose, and you might find that the Accidental Magic Reversal Department is putting in some overtime. But overall, I think it was a rather ingenious idea, especially considering the state you were in. Plus now you get to learn to apparate a year early."
Harry continued his story, telling Sirius about his row with Dumbledore. About how the Headmaster continued to try to tell Harry what to do. Sirius didn't laugh as hard this time. Harry could tell that Sirius was holding in his anger beneath the shallow laughs.
"Good for you Harry, you know I don't think I've ever heard anyone yell at Dumbledore in public."
"That's what Tonks said after I walked away from him." Harry replied.
"Tonks? She's still around?" Sirius looked off for a minute, his gaze seemed reverent.
"Why wouldn't she be around?" Harry asked.
"What a minx that one." Sirius said ignoring Harry's question. "I always hoped there'd be a chance for me to…"
"Oh please Sirius, I don't need to hear this!" Harry said cutting the man off.
"Oh come on now Harry, a metamorphmagus, do you have any idea the things they can do, and a looker like Tonks…wooo!" Sirius returned to his fantasy.
"I'd rather you got back to the being dead jokes." Harry said.
"Next time you see Tonks, ask her to grow her hair jet black, and real long and straight. Oh, and tell her to turn her eyes hazel, but most importantly she's got to have real plush lips…"
"SIRIUS!" Harry screamed while his godfather smiled wickedly at him. "Wipe that smirk off your face."
Sirius laughed heartily, "You'll never be able to look at her the same now!"
Harry looked down to hide his face from the man's continued taunts as the image Sirius painted of the young female auror crept through his mind. The frustration forced him to shake the thought out of his head. "I'm trying to be serious here." He said in an irritable tone.
"Well you're not really catching my inflections very well, you need a little more quirkiness, you know act like you've spent 12 years in prison surrounded by dementors." Sirius said.
"I can only imagine how not funny my dad and Remus thought your 'serious' jokes were." Harry replied dryly.
"They never grow old." Sirius' said, but his smile faded as Harry gave no hints that he agreed. "Fine, be serious."
Harry wasn't going to wait for his godfather to drift back into another fantasy. He started into the story about his encounter with Kreacher, and how he had tortured the despicable elf. Sirius seemed pleased over the news, even the part about Hermione begging for the elf's life. The elf's former master seemed to think that life for the elf without his mother's portrait was a worse penance than death. Sirius argued that at the least, he had pegged Hermione's birthday gift right on the nose. If anyone was going to be a suitable figurehead for elf's rights, it was going to be the only woman in the world who could beg for Kreacher's life.
"So, Remus gave me the Marauder's Trunk for my birthday." Harry said happy that he could change the topic to something more pleasant.
"Did he do the thing that makes the trunk chase you around and bark?" Sirius asked as his eyes still filled with mirth. "You know that was my bark we enchanted into the trunk."
"Actually he did it to the twins." Harry replied. "We found the Animagus guide too; Hermione's probably tearing through it as we speak."
"So have you taken the form identifying potion yet?" Sirius asked.
"Form identifying potion? No, we haven't taken any potion." Harry replied.
"Well let's get you one up on Hermione. It'll give that bookworm something to cook her noodle over." Sirius said and stood from his chair.
"One up on Hermione? How are we going to do that?"
"Are you going to repeat a portion of everything I say, or are you going to learn how to brew this potion?" Sirius asked as he walked toward the cauldrons.
Harry followed behind his godfather, "Brew this potion?" He said, this time mockingly.
"Smart ass." The enchanted memory replied.
The form identifying potion was remarkably simple to brew considering the substantial knowledge it was intended to reveal. Sirius taught Harry the proper way to create the potion, and then explained that it was to be taken on an empty stomach. Sirius suggested that he and his friends not eat for a full day prior to imbibing the potion. Apparently the purpose of the potion was to awaken the amimagus form to your conscience. At some point after taking the potion the animal form would reveal itself to you, whether in a dream, or sometimes right away in a vision. Sirius explained that it was important to remember what you felt when the animagus form revealed itself. As the physical feeling of the animal was the key to willing the transformation.
All In all the process sounded difficult to Harry. "How do you know that you can actually become an animagus?" Harry asked.
"I don't believe it a matter of if Harry, rather it's a matter of will. It seems to me that everyone has the potential to become an animagus, but are they willing to accept their form? Being an animagus is not as simple as performing some transfiguration magic. It is accepting that you have another being as a part of you, an equal part of you. And despite whether you approve of that form or not, you can't be an animagus until you accept your form completely. You can't be a dog, and a human, you have to accept that you are either a dog, or a human. Eventually the two learn to co-exist as one, but early on they are very separate beings. This is exactly why there is a spell to reverse the animagus transformation. Some people become their animagus and forget altogether how to return to being a human. Hell, some people become their animagus and decide they'd rather not be human."
Sirius speech didn't help Harry's confidence at all. "Don't worry kid, if there's one thing you got loads of, it's will – oh, and a tolerance for pain."
Harry's worry went from anxious to fearful in an instant. "Tolerance for pain." He said astonished.
"There you go again with the repeating. You sure you didn't bang your head?" Sirius gestured as if he was examining Harry's skull. "Yes pain, you don't think you can turn your human form with hands, legs, and feet, into an animal with paws, and a snout without it hurting?" Sirius said. "The worst is the organs and your brain. Everything gets rewired; senses, muscles, biological systems, the whole lot."
"Maybe I don't want to go through the animagus transformation." Harry said.
"Like I said kid, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of will. For what it's worth, after a short while the pain goes away, as well as the separation between animal and human. The problem is that most people don't have the will to get that far." Sirius saw the doubt still in Harry's eyes. "It's more than worth it, I promise. And it's better to do it with friends…for a friend." He trailed off.
Harry picked up that Sirius was recalling Remus' situation. For the first time it struck him that Remus was going to have to suffer his transformations alone. Of course, he couldn't allow that. "I'll learn Sirius, if for no other reason than to be there for Moony, like you and my dad were."
Sirius perked up, "I know you will, I never doubted it. Besides once you learn how to integrate the animal with the human, you can mix them up. You know, like how I used my animal sense of smell or hearing when I was human. Though, being a color blind dog never really helped me too much as a human."
"What did you say?" Harry suddenly remembered his incident regarding visions. "Color blind as a dog?" He muttered to himself. Before Sirius could yell at him for repeating another phrase he burst out. "Sirius I've been seeing things, colors, and I think I can see magic!"
Sirius looked like he was struck dumb by the change in topic. "You've been seeing things…shit Harry, now you've got me repeating you."
Harry was worked into a fit, "Yes, it started happening at the Dursleys, I can see this amber-gold color around everything that's alive. Like trees, and birds and stuff. And I can see different colors around people, like Hermione was blue – and magic…I could see the wards around Grimmauld Place." Harry rattled this off so quickly he wasn't sure that Sirius had made sense of a single word.
"Slow down kid, you're going to have to explain this better, you're talking nonsense."
Harry pulled a stool out from under the bench where he and Sirius were brewing the identifying potion. He then went on to tell Sirius about every time he had his visions. How he saw the glow of the trees and plants, how everything that wasn't alive looked utterly dead to him. He explained the magnificence of the storm he watched, and how he saw and understood the way Lestrange created magic. Then he told Sirius about what he saw around Hermione and Ron, and how Hermione looked like an angel.
"I have no idea what's happening to you Harry" Sirius said in a soft tone. "I've heard of wizards that can see auras, and that's what it sounds like you saw and felt around Hermione. But seeing magic, and trees glowing…I just don't know. I'm sorry"
"It was how I used the wandless magic against Lestrange when she was trying to kill Dobby. I saw her summon the magic and watched it start to channel to her arm. Suddenly it made sense to me, I understood how she created it, and so I did the same thing and was able to stun her." Harry replied beginning to speak quickly again.
"But that would mean that in the time you saw her create the magic and watched it move to her arm, I would presume on the way to her wand, you were able to not only figure out it was indeed magic, but also able to understand how to perform wandless magic of your own? That seems like a bit much Harry, are you sure that you weren't just seeing things? You said yourself that they had beaten you up pretty bad. Maybe Dobby wasn't completely knocked out and he managed to fire off some magic before he fell unconscious." Sirius argued.
"No it wasn't Dobby! Harry said pleadingly. "I don't know how to explain it, when I'm having these visions my mind is…not so cluttered, it's like I'm smarter – no that's not it; it's like I can think things through really clearly. When I'm having these visions, I can make my mind focus on only one thought, and for some reason I can focus everything I know that is useful to that particular thought in an instant. That's what happened when I saw Lestrange create her magic. Actually, I remember that I saw her raise her wand, and then she started hissing the incantation for the killing curse slowly, and that was when I saw her summoning her magic."
"I don't know Harry, it just seems like a lot. You say that you are able to bring upon these visions at will?
"Yes, and today when I showed it to Hermione and Ron I was able to use a summoning spell without my wand." Harry said still trying to convince Sirius he wasn't making it up. "There's something else too." Harry said like he was admitting to doing something wrong. "My eyes turn black whenever I have these visions."
"Show me." Sirius said with a tone that suggested he was still unbelieving of Harry's story.
Without questioning his godfather, Harry opened his mind and instantly the vision was upon him. The problem was that when he did this, the image of Sirius was no longer there, neither was the corridor or any of the surroundings from being inside the pensieve. Instead Harry only saw a white glow right in front of his face, and the bottom of the pensieve bowl through the white glow. He lifted his head slightly to make sure that he was actually out of the interactive memory world of the pensieve. But when he saw the different colored lines of magic stretching through the bowl of the pensieve under his nose he knew that he was back in the bedroom at Grimmauld place. Before diverting his stare away from the magical bowl Harry examined the lines of magic connected to each other, and then connected to the runes carved into the rim of the pensieve.
Eventually Harry pulled his nose from the pensieve and saw the familiar gray room in Grimmauld Place. "What the hell just happened?" Harry thought to himself and then realized the full implications of what it meant that he was no longer in the pensieve. "Just great. Now everything that I told Sirius is lost!" Harry stood up angrily from his bed and stormed over to the Maruader's Trunk.
Swak! Grrrrrrrr! Owww!Apparently Harry's temper had a higher tolerance for pain than his foot. The maltempered young man hopped over to his bead, pain still throbbing in his toes from where he kicked the trunk.
Grrrrrrrr!"Oh shut it you ruddy trunk!" Harry yelled at the chest.
Harry stared down at his throbbing toes and noticed that the white and silver glow around them was pulsing brighter than the rest of his body. Quickly the pain dissipated. It struck Harry that his foot should have hurt a great deal more than it did. He turned his eyes to look at his injured shoulder and noticed that there was almost no sign of the blue and red lines of magic he had seen before. Actually, his shoulder was also pulsating with a brighter white and silver glow.
Harry shook off the vision and struggled to get dressed before he made his way downstairs into the kitchen. Dean, Seamus, and Luna had returned home after the party, and all the Order members were back to their jobs so there was only a small audience awaiting Harry when he arrived. Winky already had a plate of food in her hands for her master and set it onto an empty spot at the table.
"Good Morning Harry Potter sir." The elf said.
"Morning Winky, good morning Neville." Harry replied. "Where's Ginny at?"
"She's off with Mrs. Weasley for the morning." Neville answered.
There hadn't been much conversation at the table. Neville was busy reading a herbology text, and Ron had focused his concentration on stuffing his mouth with the morning eats. Hermione did look up briefly from her untouched plate to greet Harry, but her half hearted smile reflected that she was still in turmoil over Harry's new situation. Harry didn't mind the quiet atmosphere so much as he was still upset over how his conversation with Sirius had been cut off.
"Sho ow many owls d'you get arry?" Ron asked through a mouth full of food.
Hermione looked up only to shoot the red head a disapproving glance at his lack of manners before returning to her untouched plate.
"Seven OWLs, Five O's, an E in Herbology, and an A in Astronomy" Harry said. "and you?" He wasn't really interested, but it was the polite thing to do.
"Eight." He said briefly but then continued as everyone stared at him in disbelief, "Well I earned eight OWLs, only three O's, in CoMC, DADA, and Transfiguration, but I managed E's in Herbology, Potions, and Charms; A's in History and Divination. Neville here got nine owls, and five O's. Didn't you Nev?"
Neville looked over his book, "Yeah, but I would have only had four O's if Harry didn't have the DA last year. I got O's in Herbology, History, Astronomy, and Transfigurations because Grams had been helping me with them for years. I got an E in Potions though! Also got an E in Charms. The rest were A's." Neville looked back down into his book.
"Good job Neville nine OWLs that's really great." Harry said. "Did you get the O in Astronomy too Hermione?" Harry asked and smiled at his hinting tease.
"Yes." She replied flatly. "Don't even start Harry. Congratulations by the way on getting an O in Potions." Hermione said and then left the kitchen.
"You got an O in Potions?" Ron and Neville said at the same time.
Harry was hoping that he wouldn't have to go through this, it was the reason he only mentioned how many O's he got rather than saying what they were in. "Yeah, it must have been a mistake or something."
"You're not going to take NEWT level potions with Snape are you?" Ron asked incredulous.
"I haven't had much time to think about it, you know, I was attacked the day I got my OWLs and things haven't calmed down all that much since then. I'll worry about it later." Harry looked to the door where Hermione had just exited.
Neville too stood up from the table, "I still have to check on the Shimmering Scybiscus today. When your ready Harry I have that vile of soaked flower extract for you." Neville said and then shuffled out of the kitchen.
Winky cleaned up the two plates left by Hermione and Neville and then popped out of the kitchen as well.
Ron set his fork down and pushed his plate away from himself. Immediately Harry could feel the mixture of tension and anxiousness coming from his bonded brother. "Listen Harry, I need to talk to you about something." Ron said.
Sensing the strong emotions Harry stopped eating as well, "What's on your mind?"
But before Ron could get his next word out, the kitchen door flung open and a harried Madam Pomfrey barged through it. "Mr. Potter, I distinctly remember saying that you were to stay in bed!"
Harry looked up from Ron to the red face of Madam Pomfrey. He suddenly felt a feeling of loss and apprehension from Ron after Madam Pomfrey spoke. "Are you alright Ron?" Harry asked.
"Yeah it's nothing." Ron said as he stared back into the plate of food beneath him. "Maybe I can come up to your room and talk to you later after Madam Pomfrey leaves?" Ron looked up at the medi-witch to gauge her reaction.
"Well I don't see why I should allow Mr. Potter any visitors when it is apparent that he can't even follow a simple order to stay in bed. But then again, if I can't even convince him to do that how am I to prevent you from seeing him later." Madam Pomfrey turned her glare to Harry, "Now up, apparently the appeal of healing in two days time wasn't worth more to you than having breakfast in the kitchen."
Madam Pomfrey ushered Harry back up the stairs and into his bedroom. She looked curiously at the pensieve sitting on his bed before she moved it aside and ordered the young wizard to take its place.
Within a few minutes Harry was unwrapped from his bandages. The freedom from the bondage of the wrap felt good, it was actually more comfortable now. Madam Pomfrey began her usual ritual of diagnostics and potion gathering on Harry when she suddenly dropped one of the vials. The vial smashed on the floor at almost the same time the witches jaw dropped completely open.
"What's the matter Madam Pomfrey?" Harry asked the shocked lady.
"I'm not sure how Mr. Potter, but you're shoulder is completely healed." She said while still staring at the previously injured joint. "This must be a mistake." She waved her wand over the wound again and examined the results. "But that is impossible!" she whispered.
"Does this mean that I can go back downstairs and finish my breakfast?" Harry said jokingly. He watched as Madam Pomfrey's eyes hardened at his joke. "I'm sorry, I just can't bring myself to be upset with the fact that I don't have to be bothered with an injured shoulder any longer." Harry said honestly.
"Mr. Potter, I swear it is your life's mission to drive me insane." She replied.
"If only it were that simple ma'am." Harry countered.
AN: I post responses to all reviews on the review page as well as any additional Author's notes. You may also join the Yahoo Group for this fic if your interested in more frequent feedback to your comments, the link is on my bio page.
Cheers!
~Omagic