Chapter 4
Checking the inventory.
"So let me get this straight," said Voldemort with a furrowed brow. "We have no table or chairs thanks to Crabbe and Goyle's stupidity. We have no ping pong table because Severus here was attacked by an army of ministry wizards?"
Severus Snape stepped foward with a pained expression on his face.
"That's right, master," said Snape. "There was nothing I could do, they overtook me and stole the ping pong table. I was forced to flee to avoid capture."
"Indeed. What did you get instead?" Voldemort said motioning to the object in Snape's hand.
"It appears to be a stuffed bear," said Snape pulling the bear out of the package. "Hideously evil. Much more evil than a ping pong table if I do say so myself."
The plush toy was pink and had red silk lining its ears and paws. On it's stomach was a red heart and a sticker that said 'TRY ME'.
"Oooh, mine! Mine!" squealed Peter and he grabbed the bear out of Snape's hands.
Snape released the bear with a look of utter disgust.
"Try me," Peter muttered to himself while examining the tag on the bear's tummy. A string of spittle descended from his mouth onto the pink fluffiness of the bear.
He pressed the red heart in the center. "I love you," cooed the bear.
"I love you, too!" Peter squealed with delight and hugged the bear so hard it said,"I lo I I I love you." He continued to bounce up and down and pressed the button another five times.
"Anyway," said Voldemort giving Peter a dirty look. "What did you get, Lucius, my dear?"
A quivering Lucius brought Voldemort the bag of items he collected from Wal-mart including the item he had stolen.
"Yes! You got the adhesive butterflies. Start sticking them on the walls, Peter," Voldemort tossed the pack of butterflies to Peter.
"Ah, cherry flavored..." mused Voldemort as he pulled out the second item. "I'll keep these for myself... Lucius would you step outside with me for a moment?"
"Um, Daddy?" said Peter in a cautious voice before Voldemort and Lucius left the room.
"Yes, Peter, dear?" sighed Voldemort tucking the second item discreetly into his robes and walking stiffly over to Peter.
"These things aren't sticking."
Everyone watched as an adhesive butterfly slid down the muddy wall and fell onto the floor with a 'thwack'. The Death Eaters waited with bated breath for the horrific explosion that was about to ensue.
Instead they were answered with,"Try sticking them on that pipe over there."
Voldemort turned to walk out of the room again, walking more stiffly this time.
"What pipe?" said Peter clearly not noticing the danger he was in.
Voldemort stopped abruptly. There was another silence. The Dark Lord turned around slowly, walked over to Peter and led him over to a pipe that was protruding from the muddy wall of their hideout.
"Eww, smelly," said Peter waving his hand in front of his face.
The pipe was connected to Hagrid's toilet. In addition to housing Hagrid's waste, it was also a home to the feces of his vast magical menagerie.
"Imperio!" shreiked Voldemort and Peter started banging his head against the pipe. Voldemort was clearly enjoying the look of anguish on
Peter's face.
"I wouldn't do that," said Snape, anticipating the worst. He had seen what Hagrid had for Lunch that day: Three jumbo taco's with 'Spicy Hot Flaming Hot Texas-style Jalapeño Hot Sauce', a bowl of pork and beans, and some Ex-Lax, the chocolate flavored kind, his favorite lunch-time dessert. Nothing good could come of this...
Peter's head continued to bang incessantly against the pipe which was beginning to visibly loosen. A stench was quickly spreading around the room.
"Stop! You're going to break it! STOP!!!"
The pipe burst and everone was covered in Hagrid's latest digestion. An unconsious Peter sank to the ground still clutching the Care Bear covered in half-giant poo which emitted a last, "I love you."
Not many ideas for this chapter. I have severe writers block, forgive me.
Checking the inventory.
"So let me get this straight," said Voldemort with a furrowed brow. "We have no table or chairs thanks to Crabbe and Goyle's stupidity. We have no ping pong table because Severus here was attacked by an army of ministry wizards?"
Severus Snape stepped foward with a pained expression on his face.
"That's right, master," said Snape. "There was nothing I could do, they overtook me and stole the ping pong table. I was forced to flee to avoid capture."
"Indeed. What did you get instead?" Voldemort said motioning to the object in Snape's hand.
"It appears to be a stuffed bear," said Snape pulling the bear out of the package. "Hideously evil. Much more evil than a ping pong table if I do say so myself."
The plush toy was pink and had red silk lining its ears and paws. On it's stomach was a red heart and a sticker that said 'TRY ME'.
"Oooh, mine! Mine!" squealed Peter and he grabbed the bear out of Snape's hands.
Snape released the bear with a look of utter disgust.
"Try me," Peter muttered to himself while examining the tag on the bear's tummy. A string of spittle descended from his mouth onto the pink fluffiness of the bear.
He pressed the red heart in the center. "I love you," cooed the bear.
"I love you, too!" Peter squealed with delight and hugged the bear so hard it said,"I lo I I I love you." He continued to bounce up and down and pressed the button another five times.
"Anyway," said Voldemort giving Peter a dirty look. "What did you get, Lucius, my dear?"
A quivering Lucius brought Voldemort the bag of items he collected from Wal-mart including the item he had stolen.
"Yes! You got the adhesive butterflies. Start sticking them on the walls, Peter," Voldemort tossed the pack of butterflies to Peter.
"Ah, cherry flavored..." mused Voldemort as he pulled out the second item. "I'll keep these for myself... Lucius would you step outside with me for a moment?"
"Um, Daddy?" said Peter in a cautious voice before Voldemort and Lucius left the room.
"Yes, Peter, dear?" sighed Voldemort tucking the second item discreetly into his robes and walking stiffly over to Peter.
"These things aren't sticking."
Everyone watched as an adhesive butterfly slid down the muddy wall and fell onto the floor with a 'thwack'. The Death Eaters waited with bated breath for the horrific explosion that was about to ensue.
Instead they were answered with,"Try sticking them on that pipe over there."
Voldemort turned to walk out of the room again, walking more stiffly this time.
"What pipe?" said Peter clearly not noticing the danger he was in.
Voldemort stopped abruptly. There was another silence. The Dark Lord turned around slowly, walked over to Peter and led him over to a pipe that was protruding from the muddy wall of their hideout.
"Eww, smelly," said Peter waving his hand in front of his face.
The pipe was connected to Hagrid's toilet. In addition to housing Hagrid's waste, it was also a home to the feces of his vast magical menagerie.
"Imperio!" shreiked Voldemort and Peter started banging his head against the pipe. Voldemort was clearly enjoying the look of anguish on
Peter's face.
"I wouldn't do that," said Snape, anticipating the worst. He had seen what Hagrid had for Lunch that day: Three jumbo taco's with 'Spicy Hot Flaming Hot Texas-style Jalapeño Hot Sauce', a bowl of pork and beans, and some Ex-Lax, the chocolate flavored kind, his favorite lunch-time dessert. Nothing good could come of this...
Peter's head continued to bang incessantly against the pipe which was beginning to visibly loosen. A stench was quickly spreading around the room.
"Stop! You're going to break it! STOP!!!"
The pipe burst and everone was covered in Hagrid's latest digestion. An unconsious Peter sank to the ground still clutching the Care Bear covered in half-giant poo which emitted a last, "I love you."
Not many ideas for this chapter. I have severe writers block, forgive me.