January 24, 1978

Sirius, who seemed a little miffed at me for being mad at James (and him by association), asked Jane to please stop being stupid. And Jane listened. She apologized to me, I apologized to her, there were hugs and I think we're all right. I thanked Sirius profusely at dinner, and he told me to name all my kids after him to prove how grateful I am. And I said we were not naming our children Sirius, at which point James looked both smug and panicked at the same time and I told him to shut up.

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January 29, 1978

I got a letter from Petunia, making it the first I have ever received from her at school. She gave me the date of her wedding (May 13) and asked me to be the maid of honor. I wonder if Mum was threatening her with a weapon when she wrote that. I'm proud of myself about how mature I was. I said I would be there, but that if she doesn't want me up there with her in a stupid dress at her wedding, I'm not going to do it. That's not what all this is about. I know she won't beg me to do it.

Do I ask James to be my date? I'm not sure. Maybe I'll hint at it and test the waters a little.

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January 30, 1978

Besides, you know she'd make sure my dress was purple or something. Anything that would look horrible on me.

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January 31, 1978

When I told the purple dress comment to James, he said it's only because I'm guaranteed to look better than her at her own wedding, and I'll look gorgeous no matter what I wear. He is so good for my ego.

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February 2, 1978

There was talk of throwing a party for Remus' birthday, but the boys didn't think he would go for it. They are going to take him out when we go to Hogsmeade next weekend, and I was invited along. I'm not sure if it's just because it's the Valentine's Day trip and they all assumed I would be with James, or if I was invited along on my own merit. I won't worry too much about it.

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February 3, 1978

My mother laid a guilt trip on me, and now I'm going to be a bridesmaid. The walrus' sister (I dread to think) will be the maid of honor, and I don't have to do anything but go home one weekend for a dress fitting, and then show up to the wedding itself. God, this is all stupid.

I'm wondering if it's presumptuous of me to ask James to a wedding that's taking place months from now. I don't know how that would go over.

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February 5, 1978

The school uniforms do not cover the neck well, and this needs to be changed. Jane attacked me with makeup this morning to try to hide the mark. She did a pretty good job of it, too. I love Jane.

As for the wedding issue, I finally talked to James about it. He would have volunteered but seems to be under the impression that Dad was giving him "shifty eyes" at Christmas and hates him. I assured him this is not true and he agreed to go. One less thing to worry about, and at least now I know that I'll be able to have some fun at the unholy union.

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February 6, 1978

I want this whole Voldemort reign of terror to be OVER. OVER. I HATE that one person gets the stupid paper at breakfast and seconds later the news is passing from table to table to table like it's GOSSIP. I hate not being able to FIX it. At least when I leave school I can DO something about it.

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February 12, 1978

It's been a rough week. I was so glad for yesterday. Between the stupid Death Eaters and the fact that the teachers must think I have amazing powers that enable me to get everything done on time, I needed a break.

Yesterday was Hogsmeade weekend, and our Valentine's Day outing. I of course spent most of the day with James, and we did go to Madam Puddifoot's. I'd never been there (the woman likes doilies) and it was fun to see James' eyes rolling every two seconds. Besides, it's not uncalled for to kiss him in public there. No one else is paying any attention, anyway.

We took Remus out later on, and had a great time. I swear Sirius should be banned from alcohol. So should Peter, for that matter. Together they butcher "Lady Madonna" (Peter doesn't even know the words!) and I had to leave. Actually, I left early so I wasn't really intruding on their boys' night out. I'm trying to keep everyone happy. It's hard, but I'm trying.

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February 13, 1978

I'm sure there will be a surprise for me tomorrow. Sure of it. It's James.

I don't think I'll have a free moment between now and NEWTs. The essays I have to write are just insane. And I don't even know why they're teaching us things like the stupid Patronus spell. Remus is the only one in our YEAR who can do it correctly. Yes, it's NEWT standard, but when it's SO amazing that someone can actually do it, IT SHOULDN'T BE NEWT STANDARD. If I ever go to work for the Ministry, I'm making changes.

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February 14, 1978

I love my boyfriend. I knew he didn't forget, a ploy which worked for all of ten seconds this morning. Then instead of going down to dinner, he had me walk down this hallway this many times and surprise, there's a door there. I'd never had a candlelit dinner for two before. It was sweet and romantic and I'm pretty sure he had help coming up with this.

And to answer the question everyone in Gryffindor Tower seemed to ask when I got back, NO, WE DIDN'T. God. Some people.

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February 15, 1978

Good, his friends aren't smirking at me. Then I don't have to worry that James said we did. Good, then no one has to die.

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February 16, 1978

Half of Gryffindor Tower has the flu. I've been trying to help Madam Pomfrey because it feels like my duty, though I'd really love to curl up in my bed under a ridiculous amount of blankets and die.

I've also discovered that boys are bloody babies when they're sick. Maybe I should have realized this. I remember first year, when Mark Allen gave everyone the measles and this happened. But we were eleven! I went up to the boys' dorm (for the first time- it's cleaner than I had thought) to check on James when he didn't come to class. All four of them are in bed, blankets over their heads, looking pathetic. Then with my arrival, I'm suddenly their nursemaid. To his credit, Remus was very good about it. I listened to silly requests for half a minute before telling them that I was not here to wait on them. Then Peter says in this tiny voice, "Please?" I caved. I did. Actually, no, I compromised. I went down to the kitchens (I shouldn't be surprised they could tell me how) and asked the house elves to bring up some soup for them. Remus volunteered to go with me, and I ordered him back into bed. He listened. Peter started calling me Wendy-bird, but I think he was feverish. And I'm pretty sure James' insistence on a bedtime story was a joke.

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February 17, 1978

I think I died around 4 pm today.

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February 18, 1978

Madam Pomfrey got more of the anti-flu (???) potion. I died but was revived!

James is still trying to milk whatever sympathy he can from his sniffles. He's malingering.

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February 21, 1978

Sometimes it worries me how fast things are going. I've only been with him for four months next week, and I'm not sure I'm supposed to feel this way. I know I love him. Jane asked once how I know and I can't explain it. I just do. I love the way I can make him smile and I love the way he makes me feel. I love that he doesn't want to do anything to ruin what we have, though I wish he felt he could chance it. I love that I can think about May and not question whether we'll be together. I love that I can think about the Voldemort situation after Hogwarts and know that he'll be there.

It terrifies me to think about after Hogwarts and know that. I can't think of what I'll be doing a year from now, but I know he'll be there.

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February 22, 1978

Remus is in the hospital wing again, and James has a pretty good cut on his shoulder, and yes, I panicked. I don't see why Remus can be treated and James can't. I don't know what they're doing and it scares the life out of me.

James and I fought about it. We are both too stubborn for our own good. I don't want to be scared for him, that's all.

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February 23, 1978

I haven't talked to James all day. He's avoiding me. God, I hope I haven't messed this up as badly as I think I have.

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February 24, 1978

I tried to pass him a note in class, and the only response I got was "later."

I am so glad for Anne and Jane. I've never cried over anyone like this before. I don't want to have ruined this.

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February 25, 1978

Well. All right, I found out what the big secret is.

JAMES IS AN IDIOT. THEY ALL ARE!

Animagi! They're unregistered, ILLEGAL Animagi! All right, I'm impressed they managed this AT SCHOOL at the age of fifteen, but that isn't the point.

I skipped the Quidditch match because I was upset, and afterwards James came and found me because he'd noticed I wasn't there. He brought me up to their dorm and said that everyone was okay now with coming clean to me. And they're bloody Animagi. James is a stag, which he is very proud of. I can really believe that's his form. Somehow it suits him, though I can't help but picture him with glasses even then. Peter is a rat, which seems horribly unfair. Sirius is a dog (OH, so fitting!) and then I asked Remus what he is.

Bombshell #2 for the day: Remus is a werewolf. He seemed really nervous about saying it and looked like he expected me to go into a panic. I didn't. Maybe it's because I grew up in a world where this isn't real to most people, but I can't imagine it. It's not that I don't believe it. I looked back at November's entry (where I said we'd have this fight again, which, yes) and remembered the marks on him. And it was the full moon this week when he was in the hospital. I just can't imagine that happening to shy little Remus. We've studied werewolves, so I know he won't transform and attack me where I stand. I stay out of his way at the full moon. This isn't difficult. James explained that they keep Remus company every month, and suddenly it seems all right.

Of course I had to yell at James later, when Remus wasn't around to hear it. They still did something HIGHLY DANGEROUS and HIGHLY ILLEGAL and SO VERY VERY STUPID. They willingly loose a werewolf every month. And RUN AROUND WITH A BLOODY WEREWOLF! After seeing that cut on James, I highly doubt Remus is fun and cute and fluffy as a werewolf. I understand that they're doing it for a friend but GOD! They're all smarter than that! I can't believe Remus lets them.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THEM.

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February 26, 1978

I made a point to talk to Remus. I assured him I wouldn't tell anyone and that I'm fine with it. He kept saying "Are you sure?" like he could do anything to change the fact. It turns out he's never actually told anyone before. James, Sirius and Peter figured it out on their own, and he doesn't tell people. I'm a little honored, actually. All of them chose to tell me this. They didn't have to. And Remus is so sweet and such a good person and he is the last person in the world who should have to go through this. I may yell at James, but I can see why they do it. I can't imagine having friends who would do that for me. Who could?

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February 27, 1978

It feels like I've been inducted into a club.

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March 1, 1978

How do I get involved in this sort of thing? Diana came to me saying that since I'm in so good with Sirius, can I put in a good word for her? I don't want to say that if she hasn't appeared on his radar in two years, she probably won't. I agreed to talk to him.

Which I don't want to do. I don't know that I am in good with Sirius. I know he doesn't hate me, but I can't be absolutely sure that he actually likes me. He borrows my albums and that's all we have in common. And James. This can't go well.

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March 2, 1978

It went well. I've learned that if I bribe Sirius with his very own copy of Revolver, he will do absolutely anything for me. I'm serious, he offered sexual favors in return. And yes, James did hit him.

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March 3, 1978

If it wasn't my last year, I would be lobbying for more Hogsmeade weekends. Dating is impossible. This weekend we're arranging a triple date at the lake, as long as the weather stays decent. It will be myself and James, Sirius and Diana, and Anne and Eric (who are still together and I quite like him).

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March 4, 1978

I'm willing Mother Nature not to let it snow.

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March 5, 1978

That bitch. It's snowing.

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March 6, 1978

I'm trying to come up with a word to describe yesterday, but all I can think is URGH, which is not a word.

It snowed, but we went out anyway and had a cute little snowball fight. (Myself, James and Sirius against Diana, Eric and Anne. Which should have been the first sign that Sirius is only here because of his new addiction to history's best band.) When we began to freeze (rather, when everyone else began to freeze. My fingers were blue. Honestly blue. I'm surprised they're still attached.) we went inside and snuck down to the kitchens. They're on a first name basis with the house elves. Yes, house elves only have one name, I know. We had an okay time with really stilted conversation, until Filch found us and gave us all detentions.

Sirius has NO interest in Diana. None. He barely paid attention to her. There was just nothing there. I think Diana knew this, but she still said that I could tell him she had a lovely time and was looking forward to their next date. AGGGG. I'm leaving this to Sirius. My part is done.

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March 7, 1978

Note to Diana:

My part is DONE. Stop!

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March 13, 1978

The boys are fighting. It's a bad one. I've never seen them fight. James had a good long vent to me, where he mentioned their map (how did I not know they're so brilliant?) and how Sirius had lost it and how after the triple date they're in enough trouble with Filch. Words were said. I did get to find out what the big situation was last year, and I can't believe he would still goad Severus after that, but he wasn't interested in having that fight as well. Anyway, James threw that at Sirius, who is not speaking to him, and now Remus is angry over something that was said. I don't know. When I have fights with Jane and Anne, I know I'll still be friends with them in a little while, but I think the boys all have a different kind of relationship. I think they have to. Everything they do is so BIG, they don't have room for little arguments. And James is so upset about it.

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March 14, 1978

Apparently it's James that Remus is angry with. I don't think I want to know what was said.

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March 15, 1978

So they all have a fight that involves words that hurt so badly they didn't speak to each other, and then within forty-eight hours, they're all fine. Like it never happened. They're JOKING about what caused it all. The male species makes my head hurt.

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March 18, 1978

Note to Diana:

The reason you and Sirius will never get together (besides the obvious) is because you expect me to do everything FOR you. You need to talk to him yourself, and not expect me to fix everything for you.

I asked Sirius to talk to her, let her down easy if he has to. James was wincing the whole time. That can't be good.

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March 19, 1978

James has really nice hands, and I'm not saying that in a way that should make anyone blush. I think I could look at his hands all day. I keep finding myself focused on little details like that. The tiny little things like how one corner of his mouth turns up higher than the other when he smiles, or that tone his voice takes when he's being playful only with me. I hope this doesn't make me sound psychotic.

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March 21, 1978

It's full moon tomorrow, and it's strange to know how they're all going to spend it. I almost want to talk them out of it, and at the same time, I wouldn't dream of it.