I run denying as we speak, Hiding my face among the weak

"When did he turn up?" Sakura demanded.

"3 o'clock in the morning." I felt guilty although I didn't do anything.

"Omigosh, and you let him stick around?! You better have a good explanation!"

"Well, another soldier dragged him in half dead and covered in blood. Besides, he's cute. What was I supposed to do, kick a cute, wounded soldier out?!"

"Oh, okay, he's too dead to fight..." Sakura sighed in relief. "I thought he was like, some psycho-boyfriend you randomly picked up..."

"Nope. Not quite." I grinned. "But, like I said... wow, at first he was all obsessive, y'know? He was so defensive. I had just saved his life..." I thought back. "And he freaked out about me 'not being sanitary'! But then he got all.... y'know... human again, so that's good. And he appears to be single."

"Was he serious? About the whole sanitary thing?"

"I dunno... it's hard to tell with guys." I rolled my eyes

"That's just a little creepy. Kick him out."

"No! He's still hurt."

"And how long will he 'still be hurt'?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow in amusement

"However long it takes." I shrugged.

"Hehe...I'm just wondering how long you'll drag that out for."

"Sakura, I was just joking about him being cute..." I shook my head. "I don't want to get attached to anyone, not that way...."

"You're too late for that, I can already tell," she grinned.

I frowned. "No, Sakura... I don't want that... I just don't think I can handle it again...."

"Look, you've gotta move on eventually...I mean, I know it sucks and all...but maybe this dude's different."

"I don't care." I shook my head again, familliar feelings stirring. "I just don't want that.... Not that way."

"Obviously he's different. I mean, what's up with that hair?! When was he born, forty years ago?!"

"He's unique, I'll give him that. I'm just... afraid."

"Maybe you should talk to him about it. Dope him up on some sort of pill and tell him it's to make him feel better, then get all the information outta him while he's half crazy and then you'll really know. And if he's a jerk? Kick 'em out."

"No, Sakura. I'm not so vicious...." I smiled a little. Though inside I was actually not smiling at all...

"Well, I think he's into you, as much as he can be at least to not know you that well. I mean, what was up with that whole tickling thing?"

"He told me to laugh, I asked why... he said being responsible isn't being boring."

"I wouldn't laugh, so.... well, he made me."

"Obviously. He couldn't tell a lame joke, though...had to try a more, hmm...hands on approach?" she grinned evilly. "I'm so mean, goodness..."

"I know." I smiled only a little.

"Hm...well, I was gonna drop by to return that cake pan to you...I prolly should leave, seeing as how you have people to tend to..."

"I know you well enough to see what you mean." I rolled my eyes, smiled a little. "Whatever you think. But this isn't going any further."

"I'll be ten gil otherwise."

"Fine."

"Shake on it?" she held her hand out.

"Deal." I shook her hand.

"We'll see, we'll see," Sakura laughed, standing up. "Well, I'd best be leaving. I've got shopping to do in Deling. If you ever need a sitter for Elle, you know, if you get a social life suddenly, you know who to call."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, smiling. "I'll see ya later."

"See ya," she waved, walking out.

I shook my head, ran a hand through my hair, remembering. But I went back into the living room where Laguna was, trying to keep my mind off it.

He had now taken to grabbing the latest newspaper and was thumbing through that, frowning occasionally.

I sat there, content to watch him, leaning against the door frame.

He'd occasionally mumble something in comment to it, or read a sentence aloud as he read through it, totally oblivious to the fact I was there. He sighed, eventually closing it and jumping a little at seeing me there.

"Ah, hi, mommy..."

"Raine, please."

"Whatever you say," he smiled slightly, nodding.

"Thanks." I nodded.

"I talked to Ellone while you were out. She's such a nice girl."

"She's so sweet." I smiled a little.

"I'm glad to have her...."

"I was surprised at how polite she was. Most kids I've met haven't been so...er...tolerable," he smiled.

I smiled brightly. "She's alot calmer than most kids. I dunno...."

"Well, I dunno either, but you've done a great job so far taking care of her! You're her mother then...? sister, maybe? I don't know..."

"She's my adopted daughter." I said, cautious about giving information on Elle.... especially to a soldier. He seemed friendly enough, but...

"How sweet. I'd probably be afraid to adopt a kid. I probably wouldn't make a good parent...I give into things that are cute too easily."

I smiled slightly. "Beware of Elle's puppy dog eyes. I fall for them too."

"...are you okay? Am I getting on your nerves?"

"No, you're not getting on my nerves."

"Are you sure? There's something about you, I just can't figure out what it is..."

"I'm sure." I smiled. What was he talking about? Did he sense my uneasiness about talking about Elle? Or about him?

"Okay, just making sure," he said uncertainly, pulling a blanket up around him tighter and still staring at the newspaper. "I want back out in the world, just outside for a breath of air...when will I be able to do that?"

"Not long, I'd bet." I sank down on the couch, not on the chair I had been sitting on when he'd decided to reach over and tickle me. I didn't want to sit right next to him, not when my guard was down.

"Good," he smiled. "I want to go for a walk. It's really hard to sit still for so long......what, are you afraid of me now?" he smiled slightly. "Look, I'll throw the gun over there if it bothers you that much..."

I smiled, moved back over to the chair. "Do you really feel like you'd be able to get up and move around? Really? Because if you think you can, I have a pair of crutches upstairs."

"I don't know. I'm ready to try. I'm ready to try anything, just for a few minutes, maybe...I just gotta do something..."

"Okay... If you're sure..." I ran upstairs quickly, got the crutches, and hurried back downstairs to Laguna.

He was already sitting up, and grinned as I walked in.

I smiled a little, held the crutches out and my hand. "C'mon, let's go for a walk, Laguna."

Okay, let's do," he stood up slowly, grabbing the crutches.

I cautiously reached over to help him. "Permission?"

"Yeah," he nodded quickly, clutching the crutches tightly and trying to keep a straight face.

I slid my arm around him, worried. "Are you okay? Are you sure you wanna do this right now?"

"Yes, yes! I can do this! What's the big deal? It's walking. I made it through training, I've made it through the army, I can most certainly WALK!" he said through gritted teeth.

I kept my mouth shut, trying to help him without making him mad.

He closed his eyes, stopping for a minute. He took a deep breath, opened them, and took another step. I tried to help him. I hoped, prayed he was okay. I kept my grip firm on him, my arm going numb as I held onto him.

He stared ahead at the door, then shook his head.

"Another day, maybe..." he said almost silently.

"Alright." I nodded, appreciating the fact he'd even stood up. That took some guts, some nerve. And most of all, that took tolerence, and patience. Something I was afraid no one really had.

He struggled back to the bed, and sat down.

"I wasn't meaning to yell at you. It wasn't you I was mad at...not you, I don't know who, just not you..."

"it's fine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah...stupid, but okay..."

"You aren't stupid. I'm pretty impressed with you."

"No, I'm dumb...I knew I couldn't do it, but I kept saying I could...can I talk to you later, maybe? I don't have anything to say right now."

"Sorry. Just call if you need anything..." I nodded, ran upstairs to my room, kind of surprised at the heat in my own face.

I was the stupid one, not Laguna. Laguna wasn't the one getting a dumb little teenager's crush. I was 21 now. To old for this, I had been through this before. I shook my head, my bangs falling into my eyes. I knew this lesson all to well, why was I daring to learn it again? I put my head in my hands, laughed to myself. I wouldn't let myself fall. It was just a little crush, I could pull out of it.

I had known Laguna for less than 24 hours. I could still do this. I had to. I wanted to find something in him, but I was afraid to look. Afraid of what I'd find and what would happen. I sat crosslegged, head in my hands, soaking in my own thoughts of Laguna, of the past, of everything. It all whirled inside my head, the thoughts blurring together, making everything distorted, and soon I fell asleep in the midst of my own mind.