"Happy birthday breakfast, Tenchi!" Sasami cooed, bearing a hot dish of something colorful with oven mitts on. "Your favorite!"
"Thanks, Sasami!" Tenchi said pleasantly.
Despite the occasion, there were many suspicious glances traded across the breakfast table. As typical, Ayeka and Ryoko were eyeing each other with expressions ranging from dislike to disgust, and occasional face making or mumbled insults were thrown between them.
When she had a spare moment from intimidating the Jurain princess, Ryoko would fling awkward half-grins at Trowa. Keep in mind that half-grins could also be called half-frowns, so the purpose and meaning of the exchange was hard to determine. For Trowa's part, he acknowledged the attention, but maintained that static disposition.
Duo was trying out number sixteen on Kiyone, and she was buying into it slowly. Her disappointed looks were melting into a more understanding pout. Encouraged by this reaction, Duo was branching out into number twenty-two, which needs Washu's diagram to properly explain. Duo was very proficient at number twenty-two.
Quatre and Mihoshi were taking turns talking and then blushing for no apparent reason. Washu made her disapproval known, shaking her head at the childish flirting.
Wufei had spent the first few minutes of breakfast trying to scrape Ryo-Ohki off of his shoulder, but he only succeeded in relocating her to sit on top of his head. She purred happily from there and resembled a poorly chosen hat. Why Wufei allowed that at all was a great mystery, but everybody at the table knew better than to bring it up.
Heero was busy trying to figure out what kind of present would be best for Ayeka, but she was dropping no clues, no hints, no suggestions. In fact, she hardly seemed to want to look his way, except to ask to pass the blue stuff that Sasami had cooked up.
Half way through breakfast, Trowa excused himself with a suspicious, "I have something to do." Ryoko watched him leave with more interest than she meant to give.
"What is it, Ryoko?" Ayeka noticed the lingering glance. "Did you scare off another one?"
"Hardly." Ryoko snorted in an unfeminine way. "He's got a thing for me. Who can blame him?"
Ayeka made a delicately distasteful grimace. "Oh. Is that what's going on. Tenchi, do you know that Ryoko's having an affair?"
Tenchi was clearly wondering how this line of discussion was going to blow up in his face. Any discussion involving Ayeka and Ryoko was bound to explode. "No, I didn't."
Ryoko was about to declare the falsity in Ayeka's statement when a devious realization crept forth. "Are you jealous, Tenchi?"
"Huh?" Tenchi did that freak out thing he does. "You can do what you want, Ryoko."
"I always do." The space pirate folded her arms sulkily. Tenchi could be one tough customer sometimes.
Ayeka set down her chopsticks primly and pushed her sleeves back down. "You mean you are having an affair? That is so immoral!"
"Awh, shut your pie hole, Princess, I've got nothing to be ashamed of."
Quatre couldn't stand it anymore. "Where was Trowa last night?"
Ryoko turned deep red and turned to Tenchi. "I swear Tenchi, I'm devoted to you, but this other guy doesn't know when to quit! He literally camped out in my room last night, and didn't even bother to ask my permission! Can you believe it!?"
Ayeka's lip twitched somewhere between scandal and delight. "I can believe it. Really, keeping strange men in your room… tsk, tsk."
"I told you, it wasn't my idea!!"
"You can't trick me! It's always your idea! You never think of anything else!"
"Maybe, but when I am thinking about it, it's Tenchi!!"
Tenchi gulped, and looked long-suffering.
Ayeka pushed her sleeves up again, but in preparation for something other than eating. "You dare defile dear Tenchi with your wicked fantasies?!"
Duo stopped chewing with a mouthful of something orange bulging his cheeks.
Ryoko snarled. "At least I know how to have a good time, Miss Frigid. Speaking of good times, happy birthday, Tenchi!" She ended the sentence with a suggestively arched eyebrow.
"Uh… thanks…" Tenchi swallowed again.
"Frigid!?" Ayeka balled her fists. "I am… not! How dare you! Any gentleman would describe me as positively passionate!"
"Positively pathetic…" Ryoko muttered, leaning her face against an arm that was propped up on the table. "Ayeka, you wouldn't know what to do with a fantasy if it whipped you upside the head with a cat of nine tails."
Still with the orange stuff unswallowed in his mouth, Duo started forgetting to breathe.
"There are children at the table!" Ayeka clapped her hands around Sasami's ears and then really cut loose. "You can save your smut for your immoral rendezvous, you… you… indiscriminate harlot!"
"Skank." Ryoko shot back.
"Riffraff!"
"Cow!"
Duo suddenly realized he hadn't taken a breath for quite some time. He choked on the orange stuff and ended up depositing some of it into his napkin before being capable of speech again. "Happy birthday, Tenchi."
Tenchi raised his chopsticks in recognition of the salutation, but didn't say anything.
"Filthy, prostituting, primal hag!" Ayeka barked. "Ahaahah! Beat that!"
"Oh yeah?" Ryoko nodded in acceptance of the challenge. "Tenchi doesn't think so." She reached over and got both hands gripped behind Tenchi's neck.
"I'm eating!" Tenchi despaired, dropping his chopsticks into something green.
The space pirate didn't particularly care. She, Tenchi, and Tenchi's chair all fell over backwards as she kissed him forcefully.
Ayeka removed her hands from Sasami's ears and covered her little sister's eyes instead.
Duo choked.
"Is this… normal?" Quatre tried not to look.
"Well… yeah." Mihoshi said innocently. "It only lasts a minute."
There was a scuffling heard on the floor, and Tenchi was standing again looking bruised. Ryoko floated up as well, dusting off her hands as though she had accomplished something highly impressive. They both reclaimed their seats and resumed breakfast, although Tenchi had a look in his eye like an abused pet.
"Well?" Ayeka released Sasami altogether. "Send her away, Tenchi! She's acting positively indecent!"
"You know, I'll think it over after my head recovers." Tenchi replied.
"You hurt him!" Ayeka gasped. "Tenchi, where does it hurt?"
Ryoko rolled her eyes. "It only hurts when you talk."
"Silence, cretin! Has this wretch injured you, Tenchi?" Ayeka hovered.
"It's alright, really." Tenchi insisted as the princess attempted to treat him. "It's not nearly so bad as the last time."
Heero watched all this with calculating interest. Upon witnessing Ayeka determinedly tying bandages around Tenchi's head – despite his wails that it would prevent him from eating – Heero confirmed the existence of a previously unknown 'mode.' What women found attractive in pulverized men was hard to say, but the proof was undeniable.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"What was that?" Sasami whimpered.
"Mmmf mmf!" Tenchi tried to speak, but Ayeka's tightly bound bandaged prevented him.
"It was the Shrine!" Mihoshi said. "Something's happened at the Shrine!"
***
"What a mess!" Tenchi had managed to pry the bindings off of his face and was examining what looked like a minor rockslide at the Shrine. "This is going to take hours to clean up."
"And on your birthday!" Sasami said sympathetically. "How did it happen?"
"Gee, I wonder?" Washu said sarcastically. "Well Tenchi, it looks like the party plans I had for you will just have to wait. It's going to take some effort, but no worries. You were always so good at physical labor." She took on a completely insinuating expression.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Ayeka and Ryoko both addressed the little scientist.
"Oh, nothing." Washu said confidently. "The boy's just so good with his hands."
"What!?"
"What? He really puts his back into it. Somebody get him a shovel!"
Ayeka and Ryoko took a moment to steam, convinced that Washu had been implying something, but she was too quick for them.
"Here." Heero handed a conveniently placed shovel to poor Tenchi. "Happy birthday."
"Now?" Tenchi accepted the shovel. "All by myself?"
"It's your job." Washu clapped him on the back encouragingly. "And this Shrine is a sacred place that should be cleaned as soon as possible. Enjoy yourself Tenchi; I know how you like engaging in masculine exercises sometimes."
"WASHU!!!!!" Ayeka and Ryoko roared as a single unit.
"That was going a bit too far, wasn't it?" The pink-haired woman chuckled somewhat maniacally. "But you don't mind, do you Tenchi?"
"Well…" Apparently he hadn't caught any of the double-talk.
"Fantastic! We'll see you after you've cleaned the place up, then. If you start to build up a sweat, you can always come get me and-"
"WASHU!!!!!!!!!"
"What? I was going to say I have some experimental lemonade whipped up! Geez, get your minds out of the gutter!"
***
"Hey." Duo caught up with Kiyone after everybody had returned to the house… man this was a big house. "Hey, Kiyone."
"Hey." She said, leaning up against a wall. "What do you want?"
"I just wanted to say," Duo prepared himself. "I was wrong, babe!"
"Huh?"
"I shouldn't have made that stuff up last night. You were right, and I was wrong!"
Kiyone looked surprised, but the surprise quickly changed to acceptance. "Well, thank you. I accept your apology."
'Hell, it worked!' Duo thought to himself in shock. 'Who would have thought?' "Great! You wanna go do something then?"
"Like what?" She shrugged in that trademark 'neutral girl' fashion.
"Something fun." Duo snapped his fingers. "I've got it! I'll be right back."
Kiyone grinned, obviously relieved to not be fighting anymore (those IIWs work like charms). "Don't take too long."
"Nah, don't worry." Duo marched down one of Tenchi's hallways, searching for the lab that Washu had continually reminded them was down here somewhere. On the way he first noticed a mysterious door that had a faint smell of chlorine wafting from it, and then…
"Trowa! Where've you been?"
"I'm looking for Ryoko." Trowa answered curtly. "Have you seen her?"
"Yeah, we all just came back from the Shrine. Oh yeah, you missed it! There was a rockslide down there, and Tenchi has a huge mess to clean up!"
Trowa didn't look educated by the news.
"Or did you miss it?" Duo gasped. "You caused that rockslide, didn't you?"
"Which way is Ryoko?"
"Why you little demolisher! Why didn't I think of that? Well good job, man, we've got the girls to ourselves for a while now! Great thinking!"
"Whatever." Trowa said quietly.
"And now you're looking for your demon-woman? Getting awfully familiar with her, eh?" Duo got that ridiculous grin on his face. "We all heard about your exploits over breakfast!"
"What?" Trowa blinked. "Did she say something?"
"Didn't even ask for permission…" Duo leaned his back onto the wall and folded his arms, looking animated. "I guess that's just like you. Act first, ask permission later."
Trowa looked downward, trying to remember. "I could have sworn I asked her to scoot over…"
"And did she do it?" The braided pilot asked almost psychotically. "I guess they all become submissive once you get 'em in the sack, huh? Even high-energy women like Ryoko?"
Trowa's face darkened. "You have got a one track mind…" And he proceeded down the hall.
"What?" Duo folded his arms behind his head and looked at the ceiling. "You'd think the guy would be happier, or something."
Considering the mysterious, chlorine scented door one last time, Duo continued his quest for the mad-scientist's lab.