So after a long time at the beta's house being nitpicked, If I Try is finally ready for you guys! Read! Read, I say!! And when you've done that, REVIEW!! Mwahaha...
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff except the "plot". The flashback in bold and italics comes from chapter 78 of the Naruto manga, as found on Narutofan . com, neither of which I own, sadly enough...
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She doesn't know what to do.
He says she cannot change, that she will always be a loser. But she has nowhere else to go. The present holds nothing; the past holds pain. They are pleasant compared to the loneliness of the future. All she wants to do is fly away.
If only she knew how.
He says he has been caged, that she doesn't know what it's like to have walls all around. But she does. The wishes of her father; the wishes of her team--they are tiny compared to the wishes that she has. All she wants to do is change herself so she can finally fit in.
But he says she cannot change.
"As I thought, you are just a spoiled brat of the Main House... People cannot change themselves! Losers are losers... Their personality and strength will not change."
Hinata has always wanted to be accepted--but she was never good enough. She was always a loser. She was always the weak one. She was always the one to look at happiness and reach for it and feel it slide right through her waiting fingers.
When Hinata became a ninja, she felt happiness again. She knew just what she would do: she would run up to her father and she would tell him the news, and he would look at her and smile. Her father would smile at her for the first time in what seemed like forever; her father would be proud.
Proud of her.
Proud of her. His daughter. Hinata.
Hinata, who'd always been a loser.
So she ran up to her father, and told him the news, and he only gave her a single cold glance.
"Work harder" was all he said before he turned away and went back to training Hanabi.
And Hanabi had run up to him and said that she had done it, she had mastered the Byakugan. And her father had looked at her and smiled.
"Good job. I'm proud of you."
Her father was proud.
Proud of Hanabi.
Hanabi, who'd always been better.
Never elder sister Hinata. Hinata was never good enough. Hinata should never have been born. And if she had to be born, she should at least have come after Hanabi, so that Hanabi could be the heir of the Hyuuga House.
It was then that Hinata had first felt true jealousy.
So she stayed more with her team and less with her family. She left home early, returned late. She trained whenever she could. She watched Kiba and Shino, took Kurenai's advice, eavesdropped on her sister's training sessions with her father. Anything to become stronger.
And in each mission she went on, she would fail. She would let her team down.
They would forgive her.
But she didn't want forgiveness: she wanted strength! She wanted to be able to do it on her own. By herself. With her abilities.
Not theirs.
So she trained harder. She would leave the Hyuuga house before even Neji, not returning until well past dark. She would train until her chakra was gone, her perfect vision blurred, her arms too tired to lift themselves.
And she still wasn't good enough.
Was it her destiny to be weak? Sometimes she would give in to the thought. Sometimes she would give in to destiny, and she would cry herself to sleep.
And when she slept she would dream of the boy who was also weak. Who was weak, and yet always seemed strong. The boy who had the power to change himself. The boy who fought destiny, and won.
And then she would wake early, before the stars faded away and the birds started chirping.
And she would train.
One day, she and Neji met, both going home after a long day. He saw the sweat on her face, the fatigue in her eyes. And he laughed.
"As I thought, you are just a spoiled brat of the Main House... People cannot change themselves! Losers are losers... Their personality and strength will not change."
So Hinata bore his laughter, then turned away. And she said something to him.
"I'm not enough of a weakling to believe in destiny anymore, Neji-niisan."
And he looked at her turned, half-defiant back and said, "I once thought the same."
And it struck her deep inside. She was afraid. Would she end up angry, like him? But she walked away, still standing strong.
She locked herself in her room and thought of Naruto, because he was the one who had defeated his destiny.
She wanted to be like him. He had changed himself.
She admired him.
He had been a loser, but wasn't anymore.
She thought that maybe she even...
He was a bird that had broken out of his cage.
...loved him.
He could fly.
"As I thought, you are just a spoiled brat of the Main House... People cannot change themselves! Losers are losers... Their personality and strength will not change."
She didn't believe Neji. Losers didn't always have to be losers.
Destiny was an idea created for the weak. It told them that everything was inevitable. It told them that nobody could change themselves.
When in truth, the strong could.
That night, Hinata fell asleep and dreamed of a future that didn't hold loneliness.
Dreamed of a future in which she could change herself.
Dreamed of Naruto.
And in that dream, she was happy.
In that dream, she could fly.