Entry 207: "Zira"

    I hate Vumi. I hoped he died in that fall. But, something told me he did. My father's death by his paws hurt more than any blow I took in my previous battles. I can never forgive him for what he has done. If I ever see him again, I'll make him pay. I'm even pushed to the point of mercilessly killing him. I never felt this way before; it feels completely strange and new to me. I never did come back home after yesterday morning. I vigorously began my hard gauntlet to get stronger. I sharpened my claws on rocks. I exercised my legs with push-ups with a small, but heavy, boulder strapped to my back. I knew that if Vumi could take down a buffalo in one blow, he could surely push a big boulder a few inches. So, I did just the same and tried to push one. I couldn't, so I punished myself by exercising some more with other things, like pulling that same boulder up the mountain's hill and running through thick bushes to develop more strength to dash through them easier. Whenever I was hungry, I would go down the mountain and catch myself a nice, plump zebra. Through the whole day yesterday, I wanted no one around me. I was in complete grievance. So, as I hunted, I lied as low as I could so Zazu wouldn't spot me during his patrol. Back on the mountain, blood other than that delicious zebra's was spread all over the ground. With bloody scratches around me, I panted in exhaustion. I lied down to rest for a moment. Sweat trailed over my face. Africa's intense heat was a hell of a lot hotter than ever. But, I endured it and then some to continue training myself. I will not stop until I become stronger enough to take down a buffalo in one blow.

    Today, I went out to the yellow grasslands, deciding to finally give it a try. I looked about the land to see several buffalo grazing. These beasts were sure not going to run from me. They fear nothing smaller than they are. But, determined to see how much stronger I gotten, I set out toward them silently. The wind carried my mane and tail as I approached them. This was crazy, but, if I lose, I know what to do. I unsheathed my claws and snarled softly. I've gotten their attention, and they growled to each other. Most of the weaker ones stood back while five of the most powerful would stand over me with intimidating expressions. I was a bit nervous; I could die. But, if I do what I plan to do if I lose, I would get away. I probably can endure one tackle, and that would be it. If I get hit, I would give up. I didn't bother to tell them why I was here and asking for a fight. What would they care? Finally, one buffalo stepped forward and bowed his head down at me, threatening me with his horns and bullhead. It charged at me! I sidestepped to the right, but he followed me, picking up his speed. So, I leapt in the air, landed on his back, and leapt off behind him. The buffalo turned back and bellowed as he angrily charged at me. His speed was at his maximum! I waited patiently. This was it. I got ready to strike him. This would decide how powerful I became over the past day. As he got haphazardly close to me, I leapt to the left and let it barely past me, leaving himself wide open for less than half of a second. Time seemed to slow down as I held up my right paw over my head in midair. I swung! I scored a hard, direct hit across the side of his head! I landed on the ground and panted. I put all my power into that attack. I looked back and gritted my teeth at what I saw. The buffalo skidded over the ground a few feet, but he didn't fall! I must've put too much energy in that paw; I felt too dizzy to walk. I caught the glimpse at a destructive, hateful glare from the buffalo's black eyes. It quickly turned around and charged at me. I couldn't get away this time, so I shut my eyes, ready to take it. The buffalo tackled me in my side and sent me flying upwards several feet from the ground. I couldn't remember how many times I spun in midair; I think about three times. I crashed on the ground hard on my throbbing side and roared out. I lied my head down and groaned in severe pain. But, I went with my plan and stood as still as I could to pose no threat. The buffalo loomed over me and nudged me with his nose, sniffing me. I didn't move. It kept several moments for him to leave. Finally, he snorted and turned his back on me, walking off. I lied still until I couldn't hear his footsteps in the ground anymore. Feeling that he was distant enough from me, I finally got back and wearily walked away, limping. I knew I wouldn't get him in the first try. But, I wanted to know where I stood. I knew I must have been getting somewhere if I actually stunned him with that slap in the face. But, I wasn't ready to fight Vumi or a foe like him yet. I'll be back for that buffalo.

    Back at the mountaintop, I sat down and rubbed over my shaky right arm. "Ah!" I scowled. "Even if I did bring down that buffalo, I used too much of my attack power to do it. I can barely walk on this arm now. I can't afford to waste a shot like that on a foe like Vumi. What if he still stands and I barely have any power left? I must get to a point where I can take down a buffalo in one blow with half of my maximum strength. Or better yet, a small fraction of it." I sighed out. I figured I couldn't be moving around for a while, so training would have to wait. I collapsed to my well side and took a moment to rest. I looked over to the side of the mountain and purred solemnly at my father's soulless body. I laid him over a dead area where grass once stood. I understood that after we die, our bodies become the grass. So, I laid him over a dead area so his body would nourish it, and it would grow again. I never felt so alone without my parents to guide me before in my life. I never thought I would lose them the way I did, either. Father said Taka was so dependent on him and Mother. I was no different. I never did grow out of going on in life without the support of my parents who raised me. I was afraid to truly step out on my own. And, when they both left me, it only acknowledged how unprepared I am to leave my nest. I was more of a child than I thought. I've had it. If not then, I must grow up now. I don't care what I have to do to accomplish this; it's something a lion has to do, because I am a lion. Once I get my strength back, I will start growing up by growing stronger. It's not just what I knew my parents wanted from me; it's something I want to do. It's something I want to fulfill in life.

        "So, this is where you been."

    I perked my ears as soon as I heard that familiar voice and looked over to see Taka's shapely spouse. "Zira," I purred. Zira stopped in front of me and looked over to Father's body. She murmured, "Your father…"

        "He left this world in peace," I said solemnly.

        "I wonder if she's lying around somewhere like this?"

        "'She?'"

        "No, it's nothing," she shook her head. "You just lost your father before your eyes. Why would my problems be of concern to you? You have your own."

        "I'm willing to talk about it. Besides, to tell you the truth, I was getting lonely," I purred innocently.

Zira looked down at me, and we stared calmly at one another. Her stare was uncanny; she looked all too similar to Taka. But, her stare indeed seemed more developed that Taka's is. Could Mother be right about him after all? She lied down and crossed her arms. "My life was perfect," she began. "I loved my family terribly. But, it all began when a plague in our homeland took my parents away from me during my adolescence. But, I wasn't alone. I once had an older sister. She dragged me through life the best she could. She beat me and trained me to be as strong as her one day. She grew more and more like a second mother to me, and I longed for the day when we fight each other and I beat her. If I could, I would know that I was the best, and I could take care of myself. But, I must have done something wrong to make God angry with me. A group of odd beings tracked us down one day and demanded that my older sister to come with them. We fought against two of them with all our might, but I was knocked out cold. The moment I woke up, it was raining and I was alone. My older sister was nowhere to be found. Those bastards took her away from me. And I don't even know if she's still alive or dead. But, I knew that I was truly alone. I had no one."

        "Oh, I'm so sorry," I purred in empathy.

I put my right paw over her left for comfort. I had it good compared to her. I found my love afterwards, but she still hasn't. She continued her story, "But, a few days ago, a new feeling came to me, fooling me once again that life was good: falling in love. I met this lion at a watering hole when I was taking an innocent drink. Once I set eyes on him, that feeling crept up to me. I was attracted by this lion's big, black mane, his green eyes, and, oddly enough, his enormous belly. His name…is Vumi. I reluctantly approached him and asked him what he was doing around these parts. He said he was just passing by. I wanted to come with him, but he refused at first. But, he proposed that if I bring him a large buffalo, he would reconsider. Sure, I thought it was crazy to try to take down a buffalo in general, never mind trying to take one all by myself. But, I had a huge crush on this gorgeous lion and would do anything for him. It kept me almost the whole day while the lion watched and made fun of me. But, I didn't give up. I wanted to show him I was strong and prove my love to him. Then, finally, I did it. I was very weak afterwards, but I took down a buffalo. The lion was impressed and even offered me to eat with him as a reward and forgiveness of ever doubting me. After we ate, we began traveling together. I wasn't alone anymore, and, finally, we made love under the grandiose moon. I really thought we were in love. But, one day, God punished me again. The lion said that he had something to do and that he'll be right back. I waited for him to return. I even slept to pass the time. But, a whole day went by, and he never came back. My heart shattered in an instant. He abandoned me. I sobbed and wailed, and I ran away, alone once again. So, that's why…I hate life, at least mine." My ears bent down as low as they could while the lioness snarled to herself and pawed the ground hard in frustration. She seemed like a living, breathing being full of hate. It seems like it's the only emotion she experienced the most during her life. If it weren't for Sarabi, would I have turned out this way?

    However, I didn't agree with something. "Zira, I agree that life isn't as easy as others foolishly put it. But, if you hate it, why exist at all? Life brought you to this world for a reason. Don't you think that you were meant to take this path to learn?"

        "Learn what, that life's a total Hell?" Zira snarled softly.

        "Is it? What about Taka? Is he worth the Hell you went through?"

Zira looked thoughtfully at me for a moment. She looked away and purred quietly, "I don't want to talk about that anymore."

        "That's fine. I won't ask you too much."

Then, a wily grin crept across my muzzle as another thought came to me. "However, I would like to know how you came to meet my little brother." Zira slightly blushed in reply and cleared her throat. "Well, it wasn't too long ago, like two days ago. I was crossing the Sahara when I first crossed paths with him. When I first took a glimpse of him, I honestly thought he was Vumi; besides the fact that he's a twig compared to him, Taka did have Vumi's mane and fur color. So, I attacked him, determined to take his life. But, I backed off once I spotted the scar over his left eye. I stopped my assault, realized that he wasn't him, and ran off. But, later, we ran into each other again after we both went after a small rabbit. We hunted and caught the rabbit together. We were a pretty good team, but I wanted him to have it as forgiveness from before. But, he was the usual gentleman and let me have it. I couldn't explain it; our relationship was just…there, as if it was meant to be. We talked about our lives, and then finally, my heat finally came after so long, and Taka answered."

        "So, you're okay with being with another lion? You don't sound very hurt after being betrayed by Vumi right when you told me that story."

        "It's just that…Taka's different. Somehow, I see myself in him."

        "Oh. I see."

She sees herself in Taka? Knowing all the things that Zira told me about herself, could that really be what's going on in Taka's mind? Does he really feel this way?

    After a brief moment of silence, I spoke once more when something Zira said a while ago came to my attention. "So, you took down a buffalo, you say?" I said.

        "The craziest thing I ever did," Zira quietly replied with a modest grin.

        "It sounds like your big sister trained you well."

        "It's not a big surprise, is it? I was trained to fight nearly all my life because of her."

        "If you managed to do it, then…" I trailed off, already making my point across once I examined my unsheathed claws. "Never mind," I sighed.

        Zira chuckled, "Hateful, aren't we? Maybe we're not so different."

Those words rung in my ear cold. They were all too familiar. I stood up and growled softly at her, "Someone said the exact same thing. And we were not the same."

        "Whatever you say, big boy. But, that very hate makes you strong; hang onto it. Embrace it."

Then, suddenly, Zira rose up and slithered under my chin with her furry pelt. After her tail lashed playfully in my face, I couldn't help but follow her provocative movement. She was walking off, but she turned around and winked at me. "Sometimes, revenge can be so soothing, if not all the time. Seeing you in Vumi's very blood can be so…tasteful." She slurped her lips salaciously while she said the last part of that sentence. What a shrewd woman, but I couldn't help but be interested in her. Then, she proceeded to walk off. Feeling my strength to walk returning, I walked after her, and we set off down the mountain.

    We both made it back to Pride Rock, climbing up the stairs to the promontory. When I made it onto it, I looked to my left to see my little girl lying on her side. "Zuhura," I called. Her ears quickly perked, reacting to her name and my voice. She looked behind her shoulder and spotted me. She beamed at me with her cheerful smile and ran to me, laughing giddily. She came up to me and climbed up to my leg. "Daddy! Where were you? I missed you!" she cried. I put a paw over Zuhura's little head and stroked her gently. "I…wanted time alone at the moment. But, I always thought about you and your mother."

        "You came home by yourself?"

        "Oh, no, I came with…"

Then, I looked behind my shoulder to see that she was gone. Zira has disappeared. I blinked in wonder, but I shrugged and turned back to Zuhura. "No, you're right; I came back alone," I purred.

        "Daddy, where did Grandpa go?" she wondered innocently. "Everyone was crying yesterday, and I didn't know why. Did Grandpa go somewhere?"

I felt like crying once more, completely touched by her naïve innocence. There was so much I had to teach her, and it really showed right now. I hugged her tightly and purred, "He didn't go anywhere; he's still here."

        "Well then, where is he?"

I pulled away from Zuhura and put one paw over my chest, my heart. "He's in me…" Then, I used that same paw and gentle nudged Zuhura's chest. "…And in you."

        "Where inside of me? I don't get it," Zuhura wondered, bending down her ears.

        "Don't worry; you will."

Then, I walked into the den with Zuhura following close behind me.

    Inside the den, I looked to see Kayura and all the other lioness cubs asleep. It was time for their nap, after all. I looked to my daughter and purred, "I knew it was the midmorning nap right about now; why aren't you asleep?"

        "I couldn't; could you tuck me in?"

        "Come."

I walked over to the slab of rock I always sleep on to lie down. Zuhura came in front of me and nuzzled into my arms. I looked down at her as she curled herself up. I took a deep sigh contentedly. I knew I wasn't as good as Sarabi is, but I decided to try to sing my child's favorite lullaby.

"Hear my whisper, listen to my harmony;

Answer me with your little purr and fall into fantasy.

Look at me; remember who you are to me;

Listen to the voice that speaks your sonorous lullaby.

Wishful miracles and sweet dreams await you;

Sleep, my baby, and I can see them, too.

Every heartbeat is the same as my own;

Relax, my baby, with our spirits, be born…

Wishful miracles and sweet dreams await you;

Sleep, our baby, so we can see them, too…"

    I did it; Zuhura was fast asleep. I sighed quietly as I rose to my feet and left Zuhura to sleep on the rock. Slowly and discreetly, I walked off to exit the den. But, I stopped to take a moment to look back to my peaceful daughter. "Sleep dreams, my little girl," I purred. I turned back and walked out the den.

    Back outside, I spotted Sarafina walking up the promontory. She saw me and exclaimed, "Oh, Mufasa! You came back!" She padded to me and nuzzled into my mane. But, I replied, "Shh. The cubs are still asleep."

        Sarafina pulled away and whispered, "We were worried that you might try to kill yourself over Ahadi's death. You gave us quite a scare."

        "Did I? Forgive me. How's Sarabi?"

        "You just missed her. She's behind Pride Rock right now."

        "Thank you."

I proceeded by walking past Sarafina to the back of the kingdom with her following me.

    Behind Pride Rock, I walked down the hill to where all the lionesses were resting. Soon, they all noticed me and talked amongst themselves. I heard them give me sympathy and predictions of me taking the path to suicide once again. I ignored them, only looking around for Sarabi. Soon, I found her lying on a boulder by herself. It was as if she isolated herself from the others. I approached her and called her, "Sarabi?" She answered to her name and looked up to see me. "Oh, you're home," she quietly gasped. She leapt from her rock and came to me. But, she stopped as soon as she took a glimpse at me. Specifically, she was staring…at my eyes. I met with Sarabi's shining brown eyes and blinked in wonder. She purred frightfully, "Oh my God. What happened to you?"

        "What do you mean?" I asked.

        "Your eyes…they never…looked so hideous before."

I raised an eyebrow at this comment. She backed away from me and turned her back on me. "Sarabi, what's the matter?" I wondered.

        "Please…please just go away. Leave me alone."

I bent down my ears in mixed confusion and hurt. But, I obeyed her wish and turned away, walking off. Even Sarabi was hateful of my eyes. What were wrong with them?

    In front of Pride Rock, I looked deeply into my reflection in the watering hole. I was looking at my eyes directly, looking for what was wrong with them. I didn't see anything different about them. Somehow, Sarabi saw my eyes in a completely different light contrasting Vumi's. In frustration, I pawed my reflection and splashed the water. What could be wrong with my eyes? They were my mother's beautiful eyes. How can they be so completely different?