St Madman's
Chapter two
It was a bright Tuesday morning in early May. Rita Skeeter awoke with an un- placed feeling of dread. She slowly opened her eyes and glanced around the dimly lit room. Hmmm, nothing wrong here. She staggered out of bed, shuffling into her pink, fluffy slippers, and pulling a dressing gown on over her old, worn T-shirt.
She walked out of her bedroom and into the corridor that led down to her living room. She still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. As she approached the kitchen, and heard a somewhat pleasant baritone singing along to the wizard's wireless, she wondered briefly if she'd been very drunk the night before, but dismissed this.
Then suddenly, she remembered. Gilderoy Lockhart was here. And at the moment he was in her kitchen. Rita just hoped he was decent. She continued along the corridor and then walked into the kitchen. She was met with the sight of Gilderoy wearing a lilac pair of silk pyjamas and dancing on one of her kitchen stools, the radio in one hand, and a cucumber in the other, eyes closed, singing into said cucumber at the top of his voice.
Rita scowled, then strode over to the wall, yanking the plug out of the socket and causing the sound emitting from the radio to cease abruptly. It took a few more seconds for Gilderoy to realise that he was singing unaccompanied. He lowered both hands and turned carefully on the stool to face her. Most people at this point would at least have looked a little sheepish, but not Gilderoy.
"Good morning!" he called down to her, brandishing the cucumber. "Would you like to dance?" he asked, grinning.
She fought the temptation to smile at him and instead snatched the cucumber out of his hand, waving it under his nose threateningly.
"I hope you realise that I can send you back to that place any time I choose," she said coldly, "so you'd just better stop behaving like a prat."
He climbed off the stool and nodded. "My apologies. It won't happen again," he said solemnly, placing the radio on the worktop and wandering off into the living room.
She sighed, running her hand through her tangled hair and looking around the kitchen. He has been stuck in that place for three years, she thought to herself, walking over to the worktop and making some toast for herself.
Just then she heard a massive thump, followed by a groan. She walked quickly into the living room and found Gilderoy sprawled in the middle of the floor, looking up at her with an irritated expression on his face.
"What on earth did you do this time?" she asked him incredulously.
He sniffed, adopting a haughty expression, which looked absolutely ridiculous when he was still tangled in a heap on her living room floor.
"I was trying to... uh..." he began.
"Never mind," she said, holding up her hands, "I don't think I want to know. Just get up and we can have some breakfast."
He looked as if he were about to argue, but instead nodded and stood up, following her into the little kitchen. She had already discovered that Gilderoy was the most accident-prone man she'd ever met. He'd probably tripped over his own foot. Moron.
"Do you really not remember anything?"
"No, not really," he said, looking down at his toast. "Some things I think seem familiar, but I can't tell what's a memory, and what I've been told about."
She nodded "Would you like to go out today? It might do you good, to get out and see things."
"Oh yes, if it's not too much trouble to you," he replied. She wondered briefly how often he would have worried about something like that before he lost his memory.
"I'll go and get dressed then. There are spare towels in the bathroom for you," she said, ambling off in the direction of her bedroom.
Gilderoy sighed and reached over to turn off the radio when a familiar name caught his attention.
...believed that Harry Potter was involved, along with several other students from Hogwarts. Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge, after having denied the Dark Lord's return for a year, has now confirmed the rumour to be true. Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, who has supported Harry Potter in his claims of the Dark Lord's return, was unavailable for comment...
Harry Potter. He was sure that name meant something. He just couldn't remember what.Rita and Gilderoy walked arm in arm along the quiet streets. The intimacy of this was merely to prevent him from wandering off without Rita noticing. That would not go down well with St Mungo's.
They strolled along in amiable silence, Gilderoy occasionally pointing at things, or stopping to stare in wonder at others, Rita clicking along in her ridiculous heels and tutting every time he stopped. She made a mental note to put a tracking charm on him the next time they went out somewhere.
It was sort of endearing in a way, he was just like a child. Rita found herself becoming less exasperated by his interest in everything around them, and started to find it amusing. That is, until he wandered in front of a truck. She performed a quick "Accio Gilderoy," her wand concealed in her jacket sleeve, and hoped nobody noticed the way he suddenly jerked backwards out of the road.
Fearing for a repeat of the truck incident, she steered their direction to that of the local park. When they arrived at the wrought iron gates, they could hear the sound of children running and screaming, completely immersed in whatever games they were playing. Birds sang in the trees, and young couples ambled along, hand in hand.
Oh great, thought Rita. We look like a couple. I only hope I don't meet anyone I know.
Once inside the park, Gilderoy was in his element. He made a point of speaking to everyone he could.
"Good day ladies, would any of you like a signed photo of me?" he asked of a group of giggling middle-aged women. Rita rolled her eyes, his smile wasn't that great, no matter what all those bimbos at Witch Weekly seemed to think.
Although there was a time, she thought to herself when you wouldn't have minded that smile being directed at you.
Shut up, she snapped, that was a long time ago, I was a confused teenager, we all make mistakes.
Suit yourself, continued her inner bitch, but I don't think he should have gotten away with that.
Rita sighed, sitting heavily on a wooden park bench. Gilderoy had now turned his attention to an ant's nest and was poking it with a stick. She closed her eyes and thought back to her final year at Hogwarts.It was mid-June and Rita was sitting by the lake with some friends from her house. They were half-heartedly quizzing each other for their potions exam whilst watching a nearby group of boys. The boys were throwing and catching a ball between them and were joined after a few minutes by a tall, blond- haired boy wearing a huge grin on his face.
They welcomed him over and one of them tossed the ball to him laughing. The girls watched them fixedly, their study notes forgotten. They were gazing at the newest arrival, giggling as he laughed with the other boys, or casually flicked a few stray locks of hair out of his eyes.
Rita usually found it irritating when her friends behaved like this, but oddly found herself doing the same. She could not seem to take her eyes off Gilderoy Lockhart. Normally she would never allow herself to behave so foolishly, she was always more interested in what other people were getting up to, being one of the biggest gossips in the entire school.
Her heart skipped a beat as she looked over again and Gilderoy's gaze met hers. He smiled dazzlingly and then turned back to his friends, laughing. She was pulled out of her reverie when a friend tossed a textbook at her. It hit her arm and she sat up scowling and rubbing her elbow.
"What were you staring at Rita?" asked her friend Marie. "I was calling your name for a full minute."
Rita just shrugged, figuring the truth would be easier. "Only Gilderoy." The other girls nodded at this, after all, they had all been doing the same. Perhaps he wasn't even smiling at you, she thought after all, why would he look at you?
About a week later, Rita finally plucked up the courage to speak to Gilderoy. She had been in his house for seven years, and barely ever spoken to him other than to ask for a quill or for him to pass the pumpkin juice. And after all, even if he snubbed her, it wasn't like she was going to see him again once term ended.
"Uhm... Gilderoy?" said Rita, nervously.
He turned around to face her, eyeing her straggly hair and braces which were displayed in her nervous smile.
"Yes?" he said condescendingly.
"Well, I..." she took a deep breath, "I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to do something, sometime. With me."
She looked up at him and was horrified to see him sneering down at her.
"Me? Go out with you?" he laughed. "You must be joking. I'm the handsomest student in our house, I know what everyone says about me," he said, flicking his hair. "And you, you are just an unremarkable gossip-monger."
With that he turned and strode over to a group of seventh-year boys standing by the doors to the Great Hall. They muttered amongst themselves and then suddenly burst out laughing, one or two of them glancing sidelong at Rita.
Her eyes brimmed with tears and she turned quickly, fleeing out of the door and running down the front steps. She didn't stop running until she reached the edge of the lake where she flung herself down on the grass and sobbed into her robes. Since that day she had never cried again.Her cheeks burned as she thought back to that day, the humiliation of the boys all laughing at her, the shock at seeing that cruel glint in Gilderoy's eyes. She snapped her head up and saw him crouching over a clump of pansies, attempting to catch a butterfly in his hands.
She shook her head. There was no point dwelling in the past. Although, that didn't mean she couldn't still get her revenge. He may not remember what he had done, but he had still done it, and that was what mattered. Yes, she would get him back alright. Her inner voice muttered something along the lines of not another of your ideas...but she quashed it before she lost her determination.
She stood up and called to Gilderoy, grinning at the idea that was forming itself in her mind. Oh she would get him back alright. Nobody made a fool of Rita Skeeter and got away with it forever.