St Madman's

Chapter three

Gilderoy and Rita returned to her flat about an hour later. Rita left Gilderoy in the living room while she went into the kitchen to begin preparing dinner. She came back in about ten minutes later to find him staring thoughtfully at her bookcase. Oh... she'd forgotten about the books. About three years previously, her mother had given her a set of Gilderoy's books for Christmas, under the strange impression that Rita must like him, given that they knew each other at Hogwarts. Rita had never read them; they had been dumped on her bookshelf and then very deliberately ignored.

She sighed. "Gilderoy?" she said gently.

"Are these... mine?" he said, without turning around.

"Yes. You wrote them all."

"I don't remember..." he said softly, sounding more forlorn than she had ever heard him.

He reached out and picked up her copy of 'Gadding with Ghouls'. She watched as he ran his hand across the front cover from which he was smiling up at himself and winking. He walked over to one of the tasteless orange sofas and sat down slowly, opening the book and beginning to read it.

She watched him, concerned. You daft cow Rita, commented her inner bitch, it'll be your fault if he flips out after seeing those books. She scowled, pushing the thoughts down and striding into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.

-----

She hummed to herself as she bustled around the little kitchen, flicking her wand here and there, peeling potatoes, slicing chicken, and washing dirty dishes. She set the timer on the oven and wandered back into the living room. Gilderoy was still sitting on the sofa, engrossed in the book he had taken from the shelf.

"Gilderoy..." she said softly

He looked up at her, his eyes were full of confusion. "I didn't do this," he said.

She frowned. "What do you mean? Didn't do what?"

"Any of this," he said, holding up the book.

Suddenly he leapt up from the sofa and raced over to the bookcase and began pulling volumes off the shelves. He bundled them in his arms and threw them down on the sofa, then seized a book from the pile, 'Travels with Trolls' this time, and stood by the edge the sofa, frantically rustling through its pages.

"I didn't do this!" he shouted. Rita took a step back in alarm. You've done it now, muttered her inner bitch smugly.

Unsure of how to react, she rushed forwards and grabbed 'Magical Me' out of his hands. He looked up at her, his eyes wide and full of confusion. Before she knew what was happening, he had placed his hands on her shoulders and was kissing her fervently. She froze for a moment, then felt herself falling into the kiss as his arms tightened around her. One hand snaked down her back and the other reached up to loosen her hair her hair as he kissed her more deeply.

What the hell are you doing? She screamed at herself, and was suddenly aware of what was happening. She pulled away abruptly, her lips still tingling. She couldn't remember ever having been kissed like that. She looked up and met Gilderoy's eyes. He was staring at her like he'd never seen her before.

"I... I'm so sorry," he said falteringly, "I don't know what came over me."

She shook her head, trying to clear from her mind the feeling of his lips on hers.

"Don't worry about it," she said, turning away from him, "It was just a mistake. Let's just forget it."

She took a step away from him and then walked off into the kitchen, where the oven had just started beeping in a cheery sort of way that promised it wasn't going to stop until someone made it.

When she stepped into the kitchen, she walked over to the oven and smacked a button at the top, causing it to stop beeping. She then grabbed the oven gloves from the worktop and carelessly pulled open the door to the oven, reaching inside and removing the tray. The food wasn't quite cooked so she placed the tray back in the oven, slamming the door shut and throwing the oven gloves down on the worktop.

She leaned against the worktop and buried her face in her hands. What the hell had just happened? She thought to herself.

You know perfectly well what just happened, replied another voice.

Oh god, not you again, she thought, slamming her hands down on the worktop in annoyance.

Yes, me, said her inner bitch, what happened to getting him back? You're supposed to be getting revenge, not trying to get in his trousers!

I was not trying to get in his trousers! She thought angrily.

If the voice had been more substantial than a voice, it would have rolled its eyes. Oh, because you put up so much of a fight. Face it, you enjoyed it.

Rita opened her eyes. Oh God, she really had hadn't she? No, she thought quickly, anyway, it isn't important. I'll go through with the plan, and then he'll go back to St Mungo's, and that will be the end of it.

That's right, said the other voice again, always one to have the last word, you just keep telling yourself that.

-----

Rita woke up with a blinding headache and an overpowering urge to stick her head in a toilet. She looked around her, trying to assess the situation. She was in bed, and she was alone. That was a good sign at least. Well, she was obviously hung-over, but why? She got up, clutching her head and groaning. Why did she have to go and do this to herself?

She staggered out of her bedroom, then along the corridor to the bathroom. A couple of minutes later she staggered back along the corridor and into her living room. She let out a huge sigh at the numerous bottles and empty glasses that adorned every surface. Surely she couldn't have drunk that much herself?

Oh wait... him. She dropped onto one of the sofas, shoving aside an empty bottle and a slightly tattered-looking copy of 'Magical Me' and put her head in her hands. Oh God, she thought. Oh buggery bollocks, tell me I didn't.

The previous night's events gradually began to drift back through the grey- fuzzyness, that was the current state of her consciousness. Her and Gilderoy had eaten dinner in a somewhat uncomfortable silence, then had proceeded to both get blind drunk. She only hoped she hadn't done something stupid. She couldn't remember any more than that, but hopefully he would. In fact, perhaps it might be easier if he'd just forgotten the whole thing. She could only hope. She got to her feet after a couple of tries and began to half-heartedly collect up the empty bottles.

"Did we really drink all that just between us?" said Gilderoy in a husky voice that made him sound incredibly sexy. Stop thinking like that! She told herself harshly.

"I'm afraid so," she said, trying to conceal a couple of bottles behind her back. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Like someone shoved a ruler up my nose and mushed my brain up, then sucked it out of my ear with a straw," he said, sinking onto the sofa she had recently vacated.

"Not great then," she said with a grin.

He looked up and returned her smile with his own dazzling one. She felt her knees going weak and decided she had better appear in control. She picked up one or two bottles and strode purposefully into the kitchen before collapsing against the worktop. Oh God, how had she never noticed that smile before?

Well actually, that was quite wrong, as she had indeed noticed it before, but that had been a long time ago. She placed the bottles carefully on the worktop, more to avoid making more noise than to avoid damaging them.

She had to get a grip. Gilderoy was just a moron. A big, stupid moron with a gorgeous smile. No! A moron. There. Good.

She wasn't going to let him get one over on her again, even if he wasn't strictly doing it intentionally this time. That wasn't the point, she was still going to get him back for what he had done back in Hogwarts.

Feeling a little more decisive and in control of herself, she began to make breakfast for the two of them.

-----

Rita and Gilderoy sat at the little table again, apparently enjoying their bacon sandwiches. The Wizard's Wireless was humming contentedly in the background as they awkwardly tried to make conversation. Eventually giving up on this, they sat in silence, calmly listening to the Weird Sister's newest single.

"What did you mean yesterday?" said Rita all of a sudden, breaking the silence, "when you said you didn't do any of it?"

Gilderoy frowned. "The thing is, when I'm told about some things, I get a very hazy sort of recollection. Though I'm never sure if I'm really feeling it, or if I'm just imagining it because I want to remember." He paused and chewed his sandwich thoughtfully for a moment. "But with the books," he said as he turned to the sofas, strewn with books and empty bottles, "I don't get anything. In fact I get the opposite. I feel like I didn't do it." He looked up at her and smiled nervously. "Does that sound crazy?"

She shook her head. "Of course not. Well, maybe a little odd," she acceded, "but certainly not crazy."

He nodded, returning his attention to his breakfast. Rita looked thoughtful. This certainly made things very interesting indeed.