Six: Girl Talk
* * *
Well, it isn't often that you get asked to dinner by a handsome fireman who you have been told has just saved your life, but this was Glenoak, California, where improbable romantic escapades are the norm and the idea of actually getting to know someone before you get engaged is simply unheard of. The other thing to know about Glenoak, California is that turning down a Camden or one of their hangers-on is not done twice, and Jill had already used up her one opportunity to do so by fleeing in horror back on the Promenade. Had she left town that day, it is just possible that she would have avoided all this, but it was too late now; she was a pretty girl that someone involved with the Camdens had taken an interest in, and so she was stuck. And so it was that Jill, quite without wanting to, found herself accepting Ben's invitation to dinner.
"It'll be great," Ruthie told Jill as she sat, her head in her hands, wondering how on Earth all this had happened. "My Mom is a great cook, and almost my whole family will be there, even my brother Matt and his wife. We have a very loving family, you know. They all want to meet you."
"They do?" asked Jill.
"Sure. It's like you're part of the family too."
Jill lowered her head between her legs to keep from fainting again.
"I am?" she croaked.
Ruthie patted her knowingly on the head. "Well, of course you are. I mean, you're virtually Ben's fiancée."
"What?"
"Camden tradition. When it comes to marriage, the second date is too late, so you've got a lot of work to do."
"Work?" croaked Jill again.
"Absolutely. How old are you?"
"Twenty-one."
"Oh, my. You have to get him to propose, right away. Otherwise you're going to turn into an Evil Single Woman who stalks married men and destroys families, plus you'll intentionally get pregnant and drain the welfare system or take up smoking and turn into an antisocial arsonist. Worst of all, you might wind up having a job, like my stupid sister Mary, instead of staying at home and raising at least half a dozen kids in someone else's house while you abuse your husband."
The thought of abusing Ben did have a certain, strange appeal to Jill, so she kept listening instead of hunting for one of the cyanide pills that Mrs. Baryshnikov kept around here somewhere in case the Reds came for her.
"But I like being single," Jill said.
Ruthie shook her head. "No, that won't do at all," she said. "Boy, it's a good thing I found you in time. Family values are very important to us, Jill, so you have to make sure you don't come over with any opinions about politics or anything like that. Whatever my Dad or Ben or his brother Kevin say to you, just nod and agree and look pretty. What's your ring size?"
"My ring size?"
"For your engagement ring, silly." Ruthie's tone became conspiratorial. "I have it on good authority that Ben is going to get you a really big gemette. Play along like you like it, and then he'll let on that it isn't a real diamond, and then you can play the offended bride-to-be thing on him and sucker him into something really expensive. If you're nasty enough, you might even get Kevin to pay for it. He's loaded from kickbacks from the vice-squad."
Jill cradled her head in her hands and moaned.
"Now," Ruthie said. "Let's talk girl-talk, since we're almost sisters. What are you going to wear to dinner? You don't want to come across as a sex kitten, so I'd avoid red unless you want to dance with my sister Lucy. But you do want something sexy so that Ben will want you, but you don't want to look like a slut. Oh, and have you gotten your period yet? My boyfriend Peter is great at picking out tampons, in case you need some. He and my dad know all about them."
#
It was a this moment that Annie returned to pick Ruthie up, and Jill watched as the girl bounded to her mother and told her all about what had happened. Annie regarded Jill suspiciously.
"Ben?" she asked. "You're coming over as Ben's date?"
Jill nodded helplessly.
"But Ben is supposed to marry Mary." Annie's tone turned hostile. "Are you related to Serena?"
"Who's Serena?"
Annie's eyes went wide. "Only the biggest slut in town! Ruiner of marriages! Whore of Babylon!"
Ruthie tugged at her mother's sleeve. "Mom!"
"Oh!" Annie cried, and she obligingly put her hands over Ruthie's ears. "Now, where was I?"
"Whore of Babylon?" offered Jill, bringing her own hands to her ears.
This did no good as Annie began to shout. "That's right! Now, if Ben doesn't marry Mary, who is going to marry Mary? My God, she's almost a spinster already! Someone needs to marry Mary, and I say it's going to be Ben!"
Suddenly, a ray of hope appeared for Jill.
"I can talk to him," she said. "I can tell him he should marry Mary."
Annie's face went suddenly mournful and she began to weep.
"Oh, my dear, would you? I'm sorry to cry, but as a woman I'm so subject to my hormones. Oh, Ben should marry Mary! He should! It would be so beautiful, and he has such an incredible chest!" She took her hands away from Ruthie's head. "We'll see you tonight, then?"
Jill nodded.
"Oh, good. Now, don't dress like a whore."
"Mom!"
* * *
Well, it isn't often that you get asked to dinner by a handsome fireman who you have been told has just saved your life, but this was Glenoak, California, where improbable romantic escapades are the norm and the idea of actually getting to know someone before you get engaged is simply unheard of. The other thing to know about Glenoak, California is that turning down a Camden or one of their hangers-on is not done twice, and Jill had already used up her one opportunity to do so by fleeing in horror back on the Promenade. Had she left town that day, it is just possible that she would have avoided all this, but it was too late now; she was a pretty girl that someone involved with the Camdens had taken an interest in, and so she was stuck. And so it was that Jill, quite without wanting to, found herself accepting Ben's invitation to dinner.
"It'll be great," Ruthie told Jill as she sat, her head in her hands, wondering how on Earth all this had happened. "My Mom is a great cook, and almost my whole family will be there, even my brother Matt and his wife. We have a very loving family, you know. They all want to meet you."
"They do?" asked Jill.
"Sure. It's like you're part of the family too."
Jill lowered her head between her legs to keep from fainting again.
"I am?" she croaked.
Ruthie patted her knowingly on the head. "Well, of course you are. I mean, you're virtually Ben's fiancée."
"What?"
"Camden tradition. When it comes to marriage, the second date is too late, so you've got a lot of work to do."
"Work?" croaked Jill again.
"Absolutely. How old are you?"
"Twenty-one."
"Oh, my. You have to get him to propose, right away. Otherwise you're going to turn into an Evil Single Woman who stalks married men and destroys families, plus you'll intentionally get pregnant and drain the welfare system or take up smoking and turn into an antisocial arsonist. Worst of all, you might wind up having a job, like my stupid sister Mary, instead of staying at home and raising at least half a dozen kids in someone else's house while you abuse your husband."
The thought of abusing Ben did have a certain, strange appeal to Jill, so she kept listening instead of hunting for one of the cyanide pills that Mrs. Baryshnikov kept around here somewhere in case the Reds came for her.
"But I like being single," Jill said.
Ruthie shook her head. "No, that won't do at all," she said. "Boy, it's a good thing I found you in time. Family values are very important to us, Jill, so you have to make sure you don't come over with any opinions about politics or anything like that. Whatever my Dad or Ben or his brother Kevin say to you, just nod and agree and look pretty. What's your ring size?"
"My ring size?"
"For your engagement ring, silly." Ruthie's tone became conspiratorial. "I have it on good authority that Ben is going to get you a really big gemette. Play along like you like it, and then he'll let on that it isn't a real diamond, and then you can play the offended bride-to-be thing on him and sucker him into something really expensive. If you're nasty enough, you might even get Kevin to pay for it. He's loaded from kickbacks from the vice-squad."
Jill cradled her head in her hands and moaned.
"Now," Ruthie said. "Let's talk girl-talk, since we're almost sisters. What are you going to wear to dinner? You don't want to come across as a sex kitten, so I'd avoid red unless you want to dance with my sister Lucy. But you do want something sexy so that Ben will want you, but you don't want to look like a slut. Oh, and have you gotten your period yet? My boyfriend Peter is great at picking out tampons, in case you need some. He and my dad know all about them."
#
It was a this moment that Annie returned to pick Ruthie up, and Jill watched as the girl bounded to her mother and told her all about what had happened. Annie regarded Jill suspiciously.
"Ben?" she asked. "You're coming over as Ben's date?"
Jill nodded helplessly.
"But Ben is supposed to marry Mary." Annie's tone turned hostile. "Are you related to Serena?"
"Who's Serena?"
Annie's eyes went wide. "Only the biggest slut in town! Ruiner of marriages! Whore of Babylon!"
Ruthie tugged at her mother's sleeve. "Mom!"
"Oh!" Annie cried, and she obligingly put her hands over Ruthie's ears. "Now, where was I?"
"Whore of Babylon?" offered Jill, bringing her own hands to her ears.
This did no good as Annie began to shout. "That's right! Now, if Ben doesn't marry Mary, who is going to marry Mary? My God, she's almost a spinster already! Someone needs to marry Mary, and I say it's going to be Ben!"
Suddenly, a ray of hope appeared for Jill.
"I can talk to him," she said. "I can tell him he should marry Mary."
Annie's face went suddenly mournful and she began to weep.
"Oh, my dear, would you? I'm sorry to cry, but as a woman I'm so subject to my hormones. Oh, Ben should marry Mary! He should! It would be so beautiful, and he has such an incredible chest!" She took her hands away from Ruthie's head. "We'll see you tonight, then?"
Jill nodded.
"Oh, good. Now, don't dress like a whore."
"Mom!"