That night, Gormin and Jacob sat in Redwall's gatehouse. Luc, Ellen,
Kiran, and Retherin sat in wooden chairs, snoring. The lanceroot potion
that Cain had made up had kept them asleep so far, and the mouse had given
Jacob instructions to dose the younger beasts with a quarter of a cup of
the concoction whenever they showed signs of coming close to waking up. He
was to do this until a day or two after the Abbey's defenders departed. By
then, it would be too late for them to turn back, especially once they'd
promised Candice that they would help Lord Rocketh.
The two older squirrels were conversing in low voices, so as not to wake the younger beasts. Each of them sipped at a cup of tea. The tea in those cups was undrugged, of course. They had stayed there for the entire night so far, talking about how they felt about the upcoming war. Cain had stayed with them in the beginning, but he soon grew distant and left. Jacob was pretty sure that he hadn't gone to sleep, since the mouse had a reputation of climbing onto the walltops at night and staring out at Mossflower Country.
If the recorder had to guess, he would say that Cain was remembering his dead wife, Kelly. The two mice had been close, and Kelly's death had broke Cain's heart. Compared to how he was before the Stormrat War, the mouse seemed almost emotionless. Only his son, Andrew, was able to get him to show any sign of happiness, and if it weren't for him, Cain would probably have taken his own life long ago. His loyalty to his son seemed to be all that kept Cain alive.
There were plenty of beasts at Redwall who would be willing to befriend Cain, but they didn't think the mouse would let them get close. Cain had been well loved by most of Redwall before the Stormrat War, and he had many friends. After his marriage to Kelly, he began to focus on a new wife with his bride rather than the other beasts he knew. That was fine with Cain's friends, since they, too, were getting married and drifting away from each other.
But it was losing Kelly in the Stormrat War that caused Cain to distance himself from the rest of Redwall. Even though the other beasts at the Abbey were concerned about him, Cain turned his back on them and lived miserably for the first season. He lived for his son Andrew, but stayed away from the rest of the Abbey. After that first season, though, he gradually began to associate with the other Redwallers again. But he didn't return to the way he was before the war. Nobody really expected him to. Losing a loved one did that to a beast.
"I'm still not sure if we did the right thing," said Jacob quietly, breaking the silence that had taken over the cottage in the past few minutes. "We're covering up the murder of those otters for a noble cause, but just think what we'll do to their families. Is it worth it? Sure, this war is just, and Mossflower may be overrun without our help. But... do you really think that saving Mossflower is worth breaking the hearts of two families?"
"Yes, I do," answered Gormin, as quietly as Jacob. "I'm not sure if you see how dangerous this horde is. Even with our help, the Long Patrol may end up losing. Without us, they surely will fall. And Lord Rocketh is certain that there is a Stormrat in charge of this horde. You didn't fight in the last war, but you saw us afterward. It was horrifying, how well the Stormrats led their horde. We can't let a menace like that go unopposed, even if it does mean hurting a few families."
"A few families, Gormin? You sound as if you don't care about their grief. The Stormrats may be a life-threatening danger, but do we really have the right to hold back the deaths of the otters from their parents?" Jacob gripped his cup, but not drink the tea in it. "You told me to trust you when you asked me to drug these youngbeasts, but I'm not sure if what you're doing is right. Would Martin do it? Even if Mossflower was at stake, I doubt he'd cover up a murder in order to rally support for war."
"Martin wouldn't need to." Even though Gormin's voice was quiet, there was something in his tone that made Jacob want to shy away from the squirrel. "He would have the entire Abbey behind him, no matter what was lurking out in Mossflower. I'm not like that, though. Redwallers don't think nearly as well of me as they do of Martin."
Jacob didn't know what to say to that. Gormin had always been a bit bitter, but he had assumed that it was because his parents abandoned him for dead in Mossflower Wood. That was before he found his way to Redwall Abbey, and when he had found it, he stayed distant from everyone within the place. Except for Jacob, who Gormin seemed to take a liking to after they first met. Cain was a good companion, too, but he was too wrapped up in Kelly even when he was young to take much interest in Gormin.
"We don't have Martin, now," answered Jacob, picking his words carefully. "We have you. We need your judgement, even if we don't like what you ask of us. So I'll trust you when it comes to the matter of war, and keeping these beasts cooped up in the gatehouse until the warriors leave Redwall. Just as long as you're sure this is the best way to do things, and the hurt that you're causing can't be avoided."
"I can't be sure of that, Jacob," said Gormin. "There is probably a better answer, but there was no time to think of it when we saw the youngbeasts at the gate. We can't turn back now, since we've already kept this from the Abbey and declared war on the Stormrats. I'm not sure if this is the best way to fight the Stormrats, but I now that Cain and I have already done what we felt we had to, there is nothing we can do except go along with it."
Jacob nodded, and sighed. "To tell you the truth, I can't think of anything more effective than what you and Cain did. But I still think that it was wrong." The recorder lifted his cup to his mouth and sipped at his tea. "Did Redwall's founders have to make decisions like this? If they did, I don't envy them their fame."
The two squirrels sat in silence for a time, sipping at their tea. Gormin had a thoughtful expression on his face, and he had stopped paying attention to goings-on within the gatehouse. Jacob was trying to keep his mind on the upcoming war, but his mind kept drifting to the Abbey records that he had intended to sort. The curse of being a recorder, Jacob thought in discuss. Beasts are going to fight for their lives, and all you can think about is organizing records.
Redwall's histories had been disorganized for as long as Jacob could remember. If anybeast had made an effort to catalogue them, they had gone unappreciated and their work had been undone. Scrolls, books, and journals were scattered around the gatehouse, and it took Jacob hours to find any scrap of writing from a particular time period. Recently, he had begun to organize the records by date. Several small, organized stacks of papers, journals, and books sat in one corner, standing apart from the other clutter that seemed to fill the gatehouse. Jacob had picked out those paper and put them in piles according to when they had been written, and he planned to catalogue papers, books, and journals separately and by date. He would've made more progress today if it hadn't been for the murder of the young otters and counting the ballots for the war vote.
Even if Gormin was wrong about hiding the otters' murder, he was right about what would happen if he hadn't. The vote had been a close thing, and aside from himself and Abbess Elm, nobeast knew just how close. A dozen votes had been the difference between going to war and staying out of the conflict. And who knew which way those twelve beasts would have voted if they knew what had transpired in Mossflower that day? If the Abbess hadn't sworn him to keep the nearness of the ballot a secret from the rest of the Abbey, he would have readily assured Gormin that he and Cain had made the difference in the vote to go to war. That still doesn't make it right, Jacob said to himself. His heart did its best to ignore that thought.
After a few more minutes of silence, a stirring from the direction of the sleeping beasts caught Jacob's ears. He reached out to tap Gormin's paw, and when his companion looked up, he gestured over to the youngbeasts, who were slowly stirring into wakefulness. "Get four cups and Cain's potion," said Jacob quietly. Gormin nodded and got the four cups and potion.
Jacob poured tea into each of the three cups, and then put half a cupful of the potion into each of them. "This should keep them out for awhile," he muttered as he prepared the drink. By the time he had finished making tea for each of the four youngbeasts, Kiran and Luc were already awake and shaking their heads dazedly. Ellen and Retherin were still asleep, but according to Cain, they would be waking up soon, as well.
"It's my fault," muttered Luc as he shook his head and opened his eyes. He looked confused, and more than a bit dazed. Kiran looked the same, but the otter was coming around more quickly than the squirrel was.
"Here, drink this," said Jacob, pressing a cup of tea into the otter's paw. Kiran looked up at the recorder in confusion, but did as he was told and drunk the tea. "You too," Jacob said, giving another cup to Luc. The young squirrel swallowed his cup unquestioningly. Within a few minutes, Cain's lanceroot potion had lulled Luc and Kiran back into a peaceful sleep.
"That was close," said Gormin. "The other two will be waking up soon, right?"
Jacob nodded. "I'll be on paw to give them these other two cups. I feel guilty about drugging beasts so young, but as you said, it must be done. You can go if you want. I think you'll be leaving tomorrow, and you'll need all the sleep you can get."
Gormin nodded, and walked out of the gatehouse. Jacob stayed behind, choosing to remain on paw to make sure the beasts who knew of the otters' murder would stay drugged and unable to interfere with the departing warriors. The things I do for you, Gormin. But when Jacob thought about it, he realized that he was doing this deed for the good of Mossflower.
~~~
Cain watched from the walltops as Gormin left the gatehouse. I wonder what he and Jacob were doing in there after I left, he mused. Tending to the sleeping beasts, or organizing records? Knowing Jacob and Gormin, they were probably still discussing the way we deceived the rest of the Abbey. In truth, Cain didn't know Jacob or Gormin that well, but their personalities were so obvious to him that he was able to guess that their conversation had remained the same after he left. We probably shouldn't have dragged Jacob into this, he thought. He isn't a warrior, and this sort of deception will strain his good heart.
Well, it was too late to be thinking about what had already been done. Cain would have to plan for the future. If all went well, the Abbey warriors would depart the next day, heading toward Salamandastron so they could fight off the vermin horde. I'll be fighting this war right from the beginning, he thought. I won't be away gathering reinforcements. But when he thought about it, Cain couldn't decide whether this was a good or bad thing.
Maybe I'm getting to old to fight wars, he thought. Kelly always told me that when our desire for combat passed, we would settle down peacefully with Andrew here at Redwall and pass our weapons down to a younger generation. I didn't think I'd ever lose my desire to fight, but there's something about a lifetime of peace that seems appealing to me. He would have gladly settled down against the Stormrat War, if Kelly had still been alive to share the peace with. But she had died, and there had been no reason for Cain to give up his sword.
In truth, Cain still wanted to keep his weapon close by his side and remain a warrior of Redwall. If Kelly were alive, things might have been different, but there would be know way to know. If only Cain had been able to save her...
But it had been impossible for him. He had been with Log-a-log, chasing after the fleeing vermin in the front of the group of Guosim and woodlanders. The Redwallers and Long Patrol had stayed behind at the battle site, treating their wounded and taking captive those vermin who were too injured to retreat with the rest of the horde. A few of the beasts from that group - Gormin, Skipper, some of the less exhausted Redwallers, and almost half the remaining Long Patrol hares - had accompanied the Guosim and the woodlanders in pursuing the Stormrats. Kelly had been running near the back of the group, and the beasts in front were the ones who slew the fleeing vermin. It was a shrew rapier that brought down one of the Stormrats, and the rest of the woodlanders ran past the dead Stormrat without more than a glance. But the beast wasn't dead, and it managed to slay Kelly.
At least that rat was killed, thought Gormin, clenching his paw into a fist. I don't think I could live with myself if the murderer of my love went unpunished. Other Stormrats had fallen to the woodlanders, too, including what seemed to be all of the Stormrats. By the time the vermin reached their ship, they were half dead from the exhaustion of running, and it had seemed safe to bet on the death of all the Stormrats.
No, it really wasn't a certain thing. After a night and morning's worth of running, most of the vermin and woodlanders had been ready to drop down on the ground and take a rest. Only the toughest vermin were able to make it to the ships they had anchored on the shore south of Salamandastron, and they had to rely on the meager group of beasts they had left with the ship to guard it and feed the oarslaves to take charge and captain the ship. It had seemed to the woodlanders that if any Stormrat had been alive yet, he or she would have taken fate into its own paws and directed the retreat itself. But there was no Stormrat present on deck when the vermin fled, and it was assumed that all of them had been slain.
There might have been a Stormrat too exhausted to stand on deck, especially after all that running. Even though many of the vermin had slowed and fallen into the clutches of the pursuing woodlanders, those that had managed to escape stayed far ahead of the pursuing beasts. There was no way to tell whether or not a Stormrat fled up front with the other vermin. But it seemed there had been. If not, where else would this Stormrat that presently threatened Salamandastron have come from?
Cain paced the walltops, still caught in his bitter reminisces. The worst part of the Stormrat War, he had decided after it had all ended, was finding Kelly with a blade through her heart. Kelly had been the beast he lived for. Ever since a few seasons past dibbunhood, Cain had adored Kelly. As they grew older, Cain fell passionately in love with her, and his joy when he found out Kelly had similar feelings toward him was unimaginable for anybeast but himself. His entire life seemed to have revolved around Kelly. Through good times and through bad times, she had always been there for him, and he for her. They held each other when they cried, and they were with each other in times of joy. Beholding the image of her lifeless body was enough to make Cain wish for death.
He had often heard his fellow Redwallers whisper that if it hadn't been for Andrew, Cain would have committed suicide. The truth was that even with his son's love, Cain had still been tempted to end his life. Many nights, Cain had stood atop this very wall, sometimes considering throwing himself from its top and sometimes considering other ways of ending his misery. But it was not Andrew that convinced him to live. It was the idea of what Kelly would think of him for abandoning his son to relieve his own pain. Cain only lived because Kelly would have wanted him to.
It was this realization that had brought him back to the world. He still grieved for Kelly; not a day went by in which he wasn't tormented by thoughts of her death. On good days, he was able to recall what his wife was like when she was still alive. Those memories still brought tears to his eyes, but they were, for the most part, happy tears. Even the thought that he'd never experience those happy feelings again while he lived weren't enough to erase from Cain's mind the fact that he had once been happy.
She's waiting for me in Dark Forest, though Cain suddenly, stopping and looking down at the ground below him. Andrew is old enough to take care of himself now. If I were to jump, he wouldn't be affected to horribly by my death.
But what if Cain didn't die? What if he merely broke his body, and was forced to live the rest of his already miserable life as a cripple? The beasts at Redwall would be too optimistic to slit his throat out of mercy. They would force him to live, however miserable he was. Andrew might be able to kill his father out of mercy, but what would the Redwallers do to him? No, it was best for Cain to stay alive. After all, he might find a way to make a difference in the upcoming war.
Cain resumed his pacing and let other thoughts enter his mind. It was hard for him to think about anything but Kelly, but if he tried, he could. Luc is Colin's son, he thought suddenly. The squirrel had probably already heard the tale that Cain had come up with about Luc and Ellen going off in pursuit of Andrew. My lie won't hurt Colin, he thought fiercely. He'll come home after the war and learn from the rest of the Abbey that I lied, but he won't be hurt by it.
Out of all the beasts at Redwall, Colin was the only beast who really understood Cain. Even though the squirrel hadn't lost any family of his own other than his parents, who had passed away several seasons ago, it was as if he naturally understood the feelings of anybeast. Cain wouldn't go so far as to call Colin a friend, but he was more understanding than anybeast else in Redwall. Even Andrew. Cain felt as if he owed Colin something, and the idea that he was lying to Colin almost made him reconsider the decision that had been made.
No, it was too late now. Cain had already made his choice, and while it may not have been the best decision he could have made, it was the most obvious thing to do at the time, and he was going to have to stick with it. Redwall was going to war, and there was no way Cain was willing to do anything that would stop that. Even if it meant concealing what had happened to the otters from the Abbey, and what role Luc had played in it from Colin. The pain of a few is worth the lives of many, though Cain, trying to convince himself that the choice he had made was the right one.
But a small voice at the back of Cain's mind was trying to convince him otherwise. What if it was Kelly who was in pain? it said, gnawing away at his confidence. Would it still be worth it then?
Of course it wouldn't, thought Cain, trying to brush the voice out of his mind. I loved her. Nothing was worth more to me than her happiness.
Aren't the beasts that'll be hurt by this loved as much by somebeast as Kelly was by you?
Cain clenched his paw into a fist, and fought to drive the doubts out of his mind. What I did is done. Redwall will fight, and if somebeasts are hurt, I'll gladly accept exile if I know my son is safe. But even though Cain tried to deny it, deceit was not the best way to go about rallying an army. If only we had someone who could rally us together, thought Cain. Someone like Martin. The Abbeybeasts would follow him to the end of the lands if he asked it of them. But we don't have that kind of leader now.
Gormin tried to rally the Redwallers to one cause, but there was nothing that the squirrel was able to do that would convince the beasts within Redwall to rally together. He had tried before, but the Abbey never agreed to what the Champion asked without a struggle. Some were content to trust in Gormin's wisdom, but others challenged him at every turn, and did not give him the respect his position as Champion deserved. Cain felt that it was beyond Gormin's power to lead these beasts, and suspected that the squirrel felt similarly. Martin would have had their respect, thought Cain. It would've been much easier to convince these beasts to go to war if Martin were the one who was asking them. But Gormin isn't Martin, and neither is anybeast else.
His thoughts turned to Martin's tapestry, which hung in Great Hall. Is Martin really with us? he wondered. Five seasons ago, before they had left for the Stormrat War, Cain and Kelly had gone down to see the tapestry and ask the spirit of Martin for luck. The mouse seemed to have spoken to them from beyond the gates of Dark Forest, and had told them to go find Log-a- log and rally the woodlanders in Mossflower. It had taken them time, but in the end, they were able to track down the Guosim and rally an army from the beasts living in Mossflower. And that was what had turned back the Stormrats. Without Martin's advice, they wouldn't have been able to do it.
But was it really Martin, or just an idea that had occurred to both him and his wife? Sure, they had thought of it at the same time, and standing in front of Martin's tapestry. But that didn't mean that the mouse had spoken to them. But he could have. Martin the Warrior had supposedly taken a paw in the lives of Redwallers before, so why couldn't he have done it five seasons ago?
Cain yawned. While he was pacing, he had been overcome by an urge to go to his dormitory and sleep. The mouse was happy to go to sleep, since his mind seemed to be telling him that it was time to get some rest. After all, the defenders of Redwall were probably going to depart the next day. If he was going to march to Salamandastron and fight in a war, Cain would need all the strength he could get.
The two older squirrels were conversing in low voices, so as not to wake the younger beasts. Each of them sipped at a cup of tea. The tea in those cups was undrugged, of course. They had stayed there for the entire night so far, talking about how they felt about the upcoming war. Cain had stayed with them in the beginning, but he soon grew distant and left. Jacob was pretty sure that he hadn't gone to sleep, since the mouse had a reputation of climbing onto the walltops at night and staring out at Mossflower Country.
If the recorder had to guess, he would say that Cain was remembering his dead wife, Kelly. The two mice had been close, and Kelly's death had broke Cain's heart. Compared to how he was before the Stormrat War, the mouse seemed almost emotionless. Only his son, Andrew, was able to get him to show any sign of happiness, and if it weren't for him, Cain would probably have taken his own life long ago. His loyalty to his son seemed to be all that kept Cain alive.
There were plenty of beasts at Redwall who would be willing to befriend Cain, but they didn't think the mouse would let them get close. Cain had been well loved by most of Redwall before the Stormrat War, and he had many friends. After his marriage to Kelly, he began to focus on a new wife with his bride rather than the other beasts he knew. That was fine with Cain's friends, since they, too, were getting married and drifting away from each other.
But it was losing Kelly in the Stormrat War that caused Cain to distance himself from the rest of Redwall. Even though the other beasts at the Abbey were concerned about him, Cain turned his back on them and lived miserably for the first season. He lived for his son Andrew, but stayed away from the rest of the Abbey. After that first season, though, he gradually began to associate with the other Redwallers again. But he didn't return to the way he was before the war. Nobody really expected him to. Losing a loved one did that to a beast.
"I'm still not sure if we did the right thing," said Jacob quietly, breaking the silence that had taken over the cottage in the past few minutes. "We're covering up the murder of those otters for a noble cause, but just think what we'll do to their families. Is it worth it? Sure, this war is just, and Mossflower may be overrun without our help. But... do you really think that saving Mossflower is worth breaking the hearts of two families?"
"Yes, I do," answered Gormin, as quietly as Jacob. "I'm not sure if you see how dangerous this horde is. Even with our help, the Long Patrol may end up losing. Without us, they surely will fall. And Lord Rocketh is certain that there is a Stormrat in charge of this horde. You didn't fight in the last war, but you saw us afterward. It was horrifying, how well the Stormrats led their horde. We can't let a menace like that go unopposed, even if it does mean hurting a few families."
"A few families, Gormin? You sound as if you don't care about their grief. The Stormrats may be a life-threatening danger, but do we really have the right to hold back the deaths of the otters from their parents?" Jacob gripped his cup, but not drink the tea in it. "You told me to trust you when you asked me to drug these youngbeasts, but I'm not sure if what you're doing is right. Would Martin do it? Even if Mossflower was at stake, I doubt he'd cover up a murder in order to rally support for war."
"Martin wouldn't need to." Even though Gormin's voice was quiet, there was something in his tone that made Jacob want to shy away from the squirrel. "He would have the entire Abbey behind him, no matter what was lurking out in Mossflower. I'm not like that, though. Redwallers don't think nearly as well of me as they do of Martin."
Jacob didn't know what to say to that. Gormin had always been a bit bitter, but he had assumed that it was because his parents abandoned him for dead in Mossflower Wood. That was before he found his way to Redwall Abbey, and when he had found it, he stayed distant from everyone within the place. Except for Jacob, who Gormin seemed to take a liking to after they first met. Cain was a good companion, too, but he was too wrapped up in Kelly even when he was young to take much interest in Gormin.
"We don't have Martin, now," answered Jacob, picking his words carefully. "We have you. We need your judgement, even if we don't like what you ask of us. So I'll trust you when it comes to the matter of war, and keeping these beasts cooped up in the gatehouse until the warriors leave Redwall. Just as long as you're sure this is the best way to do things, and the hurt that you're causing can't be avoided."
"I can't be sure of that, Jacob," said Gormin. "There is probably a better answer, but there was no time to think of it when we saw the youngbeasts at the gate. We can't turn back now, since we've already kept this from the Abbey and declared war on the Stormrats. I'm not sure if this is the best way to fight the Stormrats, but I now that Cain and I have already done what we felt we had to, there is nothing we can do except go along with it."
Jacob nodded, and sighed. "To tell you the truth, I can't think of anything more effective than what you and Cain did. But I still think that it was wrong." The recorder lifted his cup to his mouth and sipped at his tea. "Did Redwall's founders have to make decisions like this? If they did, I don't envy them their fame."
The two squirrels sat in silence for a time, sipping at their tea. Gormin had a thoughtful expression on his face, and he had stopped paying attention to goings-on within the gatehouse. Jacob was trying to keep his mind on the upcoming war, but his mind kept drifting to the Abbey records that he had intended to sort. The curse of being a recorder, Jacob thought in discuss. Beasts are going to fight for their lives, and all you can think about is organizing records.
Redwall's histories had been disorganized for as long as Jacob could remember. If anybeast had made an effort to catalogue them, they had gone unappreciated and their work had been undone. Scrolls, books, and journals were scattered around the gatehouse, and it took Jacob hours to find any scrap of writing from a particular time period. Recently, he had begun to organize the records by date. Several small, organized stacks of papers, journals, and books sat in one corner, standing apart from the other clutter that seemed to fill the gatehouse. Jacob had picked out those paper and put them in piles according to when they had been written, and he planned to catalogue papers, books, and journals separately and by date. He would've made more progress today if it hadn't been for the murder of the young otters and counting the ballots for the war vote.
Even if Gormin was wrong about hiding the otters' murder, he was right about what would happen if he hadn't. The vote had been a close thing, and aside from himself and Abbess Elm, nobeast knew just how close. A dozen votes had been the difference between going to war and staying out of the conflict. And who knew which way those twelve beasts would have voted if they knew what had transpired in Mossflower that day? If the Abbess hadn't sworn him to keep the nearness of the ballot a secret from the rest of the Abbey, he would have readily assured Gormin that he and Cain had made the difference in the vote to go to war. That still doesn't make it right, Jacob said to himself. His heart did its best to ignore that thought.
After a few more minutes of silence, a stirring from the direction of the sleeping beasts caught Jacob's ears. He reached out to tap Gormin's paw, and when his companion looked up, he gestured over to the youngbeasts, who were slowly stirring into wakefulness. "Get four cups and Cain's potion," said Jacob quietly. Gormin nodded and got the four cups and potion.
Jacob poured tea into each of the three cups, and then put half a cupful of the potion into each of them. "This should keep them out for awhile," he muttered as he prepared the drink. By the time he had finished making tea for each of the four youngbeasts, Kiran and Luc were already awake and shaking their heads dazedly. Ellen and Retherin were still asleep, but according to Cain, they would be waking up soon, as well.
"It's my fault," muttered Luc as he shook his head and opened his eyes. He looked confused, and more than a bit dazed. Kiran looked the same, but the otter was coming around more quickly than the squirrel was.
"Here, drink this," said Jacob, pressing a cup of tea into the otter's paw. Kiran looked up at the recorder in confusion, but did as he was told and drunk the tea. "You too," Jacob said, giving another cup to Luc. The young squirrel swallowed his cup unquestioningly. Within a few minutes, Cain's lanceroot potion had lulled Luc and Kiran back into a peaceful sleep.
"That was close," said Gormin. "The other two will be waking up soon, right?"
Jacob nodded. "I'll be on paw to give them these other two cups. I feel guilty about drugging beasts so young, but as you said, it must be done. You can go if you want. I think you'll be leaving tomorrow, and you'll need all the sleep you can get."
Gormin nodded, and walked out of the gatehouse. Jacob stayed behind, choosing to remain on paw to make sure the beasts who knew of the otters' murder would stay drugged and unable to interfere with the departing warriors. The things I do for you, Gormin. But when Jacob thought about it, he realized that he was doing this deed for the good of Mossflower.
~~~
Cain watched from the walltops as Gormin left the gatehouse. I wonder what he and Jacob were doing in there after I left, he mused. Tending to the sleeping beasts, or organizing records? Knowing Jacob and Gormin, they were probably still discussing the way we deceived the rest of the Abbey. In truth, Cain didn't know Jacob or Gormin that well, but their personalities were so obvious to him that he was able to guess that their conversation had remained the same after he left. We probably shouldn't have dragged Jacob into this, he thought. He isn't a warrior, and this sort of deception will strain his good heart.
Well, it was too late to be thinking about what had already been done. Cain would have to plan for the future. If all went well, the Abbey warriors would depart the next day, heading toward Salamandastron so they could fight off the vermin horde. I'll be fighting this war right from the beginning, he thought. I won't be away gathering reinforcements. But when he thought about it, Cain couldn't decide whether this was a good or bad thing.
Maybe I'm getting to old to fight wars, he thought. Kelly always told me that when our desire for combat passed, we would settle down peacefully with Andrew here at Redwall and pass our weapons down to a younger generation. I didn't think I'd ever lose my desire to fight, but there's something about a lifetime of peace that seems appealing to me. He would have gladly settled down against the Stormrat War, if Kelly had still been alive to share the peace with. But she had died, and there had been no reason for Cain to give up his sword.
In truth, Cain still wanted to keep his weapon close by his side and remain a warrior of Redwall. If Kelly were alive, things might have been different, but there would be know way to know. If only Cain had been able to save her...
But it had been impossible for him. He had been with Log-a-log, chasing after the fleeing vermin in the front of the group of Guosim and woodlanders. The Redwallers and Long Patrol had stayed behind at the battle site, treating their wounded and taking captive those vermin who were too injured to retreat with the rest of the horde. A few of the beasts from that group - Gormin, Skipper, some of the less exhausted Redwallers, and almost half the remaining Long Patrol hares - had accompanied the Guosim and the woodlanders in pursuing the Stormrats. Kelly had been running near the back of the group, and the beasts in front were the ones who slew the fleeing vermin. It was a shrew rapier that brought down one of the Stormrats, and the rest of the woodlanders ran past the dead Stormrat without more than a glance. But the beast wasn't dead, and it managed to slay Kelly.
At least that rat was killed, thought Gormin, clenching his paw into a fist. I don't think I could live with myself if the murderer of my love went unpunished. Other Stormrats had fallen to the woodlanders, too, including what seemed to be all of the Stormrats. By the time the vermin reached their ship, they were half dead from the exhaustion of running, and it had seemed safe to bet on the death of all the Stormrats.
No, it really wasn't a certain thing. After a night and morning's worth of running, most of the vermin and woodlanders had been ready to drop down on the ground and take a rest. Only the toughest vermin were able to make it to the ships they had anchored on the shore south of Salamandastron, and they had to rely on the meager group of beasts they had left with the ship to guard it and feed the oarslaves to take charge and captain the ship. It had seemed to the woodlanders that if any Stormrat had been alive yet, he or she would have taken fate into its own paws and directed the retreat itself. But there was no Stormrat present on deck when the vermin fled, and it was assumed that all of them had been slain.
There might have been a Stormrat too exhausted to stand on deck, especially after all that running. Even though many of the vermin had slowed and fallen into the clutches of the pursuing woodlanders, those that had managed to escape stayed far ahead of the pursuing beasts. There was no way to tell whether or not a Stormrat fled up front with the other vermin. But it seemed there had been. If not, where else would this Stormrat that presently threatened Salamandastron have come from?
Cain paced the walltops, still caught in his bitter reminisces. The worst part of the Stormrat War, he had decided after it had all ended, was finding Kelly with a blade through her heart. Kelly had been the beast he lived for. Ever since a few seasons past dibbunhood, Cain had adored Kelly. As they grew older, Cain fell passionately in love with her, and his joy when he found out Kelly had similar feelings toward him was unimaginable for anybeast but himself. His entire life seemed to have revolved around Kelly. Through good times and through bad times, she had always been there for him, and he for her. They held each other when they cried, and they were with each other in times of joy. Beholding the image of her lifeless body was enough to make Cain wish for death.
He had often heard his fellow Redwallers whisper that if it hadn't been for Andrew, Cain would have committed suicide. The truth was that even with his son's love, Cain had still been tempted to end his life. Many nights, Cain had stood atop this very wall, sometimes considering throwing himself from its top and sometimes considering other ways of ending his misery. But it was not Andrew that convinced him to live. It was the idea of what Kelly would think of him for abandoning his son to relieve his own pain. Cain only lived because Kelly would have wanted him to.
It was this realization that had brought him back to the world. He still grieved for Kelly; not a day went by in which he wasn't tormented by thoughts of her death. On good days, he was able to recall what his wife was like when she was still alive. Those memories still brought tears to his eyes, but they were, for the most part, happy tears. Even the thought that he'd never experience those happy feelings again while he lived weren't enough to erase from Cain's mind the fact that he had once been happy.
She's waiting for me in Dark Forest, though Cain suddenly, stopping and looking down at the ground below him. Andrew is old enough to take care of himself now. If I were to jump, he wouldn't be affected to horribly by my death.
But what if Cain didn't die? What if he merely broke his body, and was forced to live the rest of his already miserable life as a cripple? The beasts at Redwall would be too optimistic to slit his throat out of mercy. They would force him to live, however miserable he was. Andrew might be able to kill his father out of mercy, but what would the Redwallers do to him? No, it was best for Cain to stay alive. After all, he might find a way to make a difference in the upcoming war.
Cain resumed his pacing and let other thoughts enter his mind. It was hard for him to think about anything but Kelly, but if he tried, he could. Luc is Colin's son, he thought suddenly. The squirrel had probably already heard the tale that Cain had come up with about Luc and Ellen going off in pursuit of Andrew. My lie won't hurt Colin, he thought fiercely. He'll come home after the war and learn from the rest of the Abbey that I lied, but he won't be hurt by it.
Out of all the beasts at Redwall, Colin was the only beast who really understood Cain. Even though the squirrel hadn't lost any family of his own other than his parents, who had passed away several seasons ago, it was as if he naturally understood the feelings of anybeast. Cain wouldn't go so far as to call Colin a friend, but he was more understanding than anybeast else in Redwall. Even Andrew. Cain felt as if he owed Colin something, and the idea that he was lying to Colin almost made him reconsider the decision that had been made.
No, it was too late now. Cain had already made his choice, and while it may not have been the best decision he could have made, it was the most obvious thing to do at the time, and he was going to have to stick with it. Redwall was going to war, and there was no way Cain was willing to do anything that would stop that. Even if it meant concealing what had happened to the otters from the Abbey, and what role Luc had played in it from Colin. The pain of a few is worth the lives of many, though Cain, trying to convince himself that the choice he had made was the right one.
But a small voice at the back of Cain's mind was trying to convince him otherwise. What if it was Kelly who was in pain? it said, gnawing away at his confidence. Would it still be worth it then?
Of course it wouldn't, thought Cain, trying to brush the voice out of his mind. I loved her. Nothing was worth more to me than her happiness.
Aren't the beasts that'll be hurt by this loved as much by somebeast as Kelly was by you?
Cain clenched his paw into a fist, and fought to drive the doubts out of his mind. What I did is done. Redwall will fight, and if somebeasts are hurt, I'll gladly accept exile if I know my son is safe. But even though Cain tried to deny it, deceit was not the best way to go about rallying an army. If only we had someone who could rally us together, thought Cain. Someone like Martin. The Abbeybeasts would follow him to the end of the lands if he asked it of them. But we don't have that kind of leader now.
Gormin tried to rally the Redwallers to one cause, but there was nothing that the squirrel was able to do that would convince the beasts within Redwall to rally together. He had tried before, but the Abbey never agreed to what the Champion asked without a struggle. Some were content to trust in Gormin's wisdom, but others challenged him at every turn, and did not give him the respect his position as Champion deserved. Cain felt that it was beyond Gormin's power to lead these beasts, and suspected that the squirrel felt similarly. Martin would have had their respect, thought Cain. It would've been much easier to convince these beasts to go to war if Martin were the one who was asking them. But Gormin isn't Martin, and neither is anybeast else.
His thoughts turned to Martin's tapestry, which hung in Great Hall. Is Martin really with us? he wondered. Five seasons ago, before they had left for the Stormrat War, Cain and Kelly had gone down to see the tapestry and ask the spirit of Martin for luck. The mouse seemed to have spoken to them from beyond the gates of Dark Forest, and had told them to go find Log-a- log and rally the woodlanders in Mossflower. It had taken them time, but in the end, they were able to track down the Guosim and rally an army from the beasts living in Mossflower. And that was what had turned back the Stormrats. Without Martin's advice, they wouldn't have been able to do it.
But was it really Martin, or just an idea that had occurred to both him and his wife? Sure, they had thought of it at the same time, and standing in front of Martin's tapestry. But that didn't mean that the mouse had spoken to them. But he could have. Martin the Warrior had supposedly taken a paw in the lives of Redwallers before, so why couldn't he have done it five seasons ago?
Cain yawned. While he was pacing, he had been overcome by an urge to go to his dormitory and sleep. The mouse was happy to go to sleep, since his mind seemed to be telling him that it was time to get some rest. After all, the defenders of Redwall were probably going to depart the next day. If he was going to march to Salamandastron and fight in a war, Cain would need all the strength he could get.