Eleven: So BIG!
Oh, she was so boooooottttiiiifffuuuulll! Ben stood and stared for a moment at his true love, the shining beauty of his universe, the radiant light that shone forth from her, as Ruthie introduced him to the assembled Camdens and all their self-invited guests. He managed somehow to keep his jaw from dropping as Annie indicated that he and Ruthie should take their seats and everyone at the table started talking at once.
"I was at the Promenade today!"
"Oh, Kevin! Hee hee hee!"
"Isn't Mary stupid?"
"Weeeeee'rrreeee huuuuunnnnngggrrrryyyy...."
"Yyyeeeaaaaahhhhh.... huuuunnnngggrrryyyy...."
"Hee hee hee!"
"So I told him: 'I'M THE WIFE OF A MINISTER!'"
"You know, there's a war going on in Iraq."
"I just loooove your children, Mrs. Camden!"
"You are a sweet thing, you know that, Camden?"
Ben smiled, wondering what he should do, and felt Ruthie tugging on his sleeve. He looked down at her.
"Go!" she whispered. "Like I told you to do. Go and kiss her hand!"
"Oh," he replied. "Sorry. I forgot."
Ruthie pushed him gently.
And so Ben stepped around the table to the love of his life, the shining star of beauty whose glow illuminated the room, and he reached for her hand and brought it gallantly to his lips, slightly mesmerized by her bouncing head.
"Ah, my darling," he said.
Someone kicked his shin. "Not HER, you idiot!" Ruthie whispered, reaching up to pull his hand free of Cecilia's and jam it towards the woman sitting next to her. "HER!"
"Oh, sorry," Ben said, and he turned his attention to the love of his life, the shining star... you get it.
This woman shrank back in her chair as he reached for her hand, her fingers going for her knife but just missing it as she tried to swat him away.
"My darling," he said. "Welcome!"
Don't slobber, Ruthie had told him. Again and again she had told him. They'd practiced on the Hello Kitty dolls upstairs, and several slobbery Hello Kitties later, he seemed to have gotten the hang of it. He kept this in mind as he pressed his lips to Jill's hand, her arm strong as she tried to pull away.
"Isn't that romantic?" he heard Kevin say. "My little brother in love."
"Are you looking at her?" Lucy snapped. "You're looking at that little tart, aren't you!"
This outburst was quelled as Kevin wrapped his arms around Lucy and planted a wet, open mouthed kiss on her lips. She moaned in his arms, pressing against him and writhing.
"Hey!" Eric said. "Take it to the living room later, you two, so we can all watch!"
Lucy composed herself. "Yes, Dad. Sorry."
Ben released Jill's hand and stood blankly as she poured water from her glass on it and wiped it fiercely with her napkin. She loves me, he thought, and the urge came to him then to pull out what he had in his pocket and present it to her. Fortunately Ruthie pulled him away and guided him to his chair across the table from her.
"You can give it to her later," Ruthie hissed, taking the seat beside him. "After she's all warmed up."
Ben nodded. The Brenda's Pot Roast sure smelled good.
#
"Ahem," Eric said. "It's time to say grace. Since I'm a man and am therefore immune to flighty hormonal troubles, I'll do it. I'm also a Minister, you know."
"Really?" asked Martin. "My father's a Marine. In Iraq. There's a war going on there."
Eric wiped a sudden tear from his eye, brought his hands together, and began to speak.
"Oh God, you're so big. I mean really. You're positively gigantic, and we're all really impressed down here, let me tell you. So we want to thank you, oh great big God, for all the blessings you've bestowed upon us, that we of course deserve so much, because we're a surprisingly functional family that has won numerous awards for our efforts in addressing such issues as teen pregnancy, more teen pregnancy, and of course, watching those pitiful failures of single teen mothers who are such an example of how liberalism and permissiveness like you see on the WB all the time are destroying America. Thank you, God, for all the patriarchal family values that need to be enforced over our women and young people, and thank you also for all the bad things that happen to kids who listen to rap music, because they're bad, bad kids who need to be punished. And thank you for the homeless, God, because without them we wouldn't be able to invite total strangers over to our house for random meals that help us believe we're doing good when in fact after the meal we never see or hear from them again, which doesn't bother us in the least because we eat so well, all the time."
Eric smiled, and looked over at Jill.
"And thank you, God, for the gift of love, true love, love like Annie shows to me and her family when she shoves my dinner down the garbage disposal or sends our underage children to live in a half finished room over the garage where there are exposed electrical wires, denying them food, comfort and shelter. Or love like we have for our stupid daughter Mary, who didn't obey us so we sent her off to live in Buffalo with my harsh, militarist, abusive father. Yes, God, thank you for love, and tonight, a special thank you for the love between Ben and Jill, a love that, like the love Kevin shows daily to my daughter Lucy as he slowly and firmly destroys that terrible, dangerous self esteem that she was getting by being a single woman, will be a love everlasting, in your sight and under the mighty force of your power, which is a sword wielded by sweet baby Jesus to smite all non-moderate Muslims and of course kids who listen to rap music. Amen."
Ben smiled, looking over at the love of his life as he tired to figure out all the big words the reverend had just said. She was so beautiful, his love, so radiant, shimmering in her glow of....
"Which one is she, again?" he whispered to Ruthie.
Oh, she was so boooooottttiiiifffuuuulll! Ben stood and stared for a moment at his true love, the shining beauty of his universe, the radiant light that shone forth from her, as Ruthie introduced him to the assembled Camdens and all their self-invited guests. He managed somehow to keep his jaw from dropping as Annie indicated that he and Ruthie should take their seats and everyone at the table started talking at once.
"I was at the Promenade today!"
"Oh, Kevin! Hee hee hee!"
"Isn't Mary stupid?"
"Weeeeee'rrreeee huuuuunnnnngggrrrryyyy...."
"Yyyeeeaaaaahhhhh.... huuuunnnngggrrryyyy...."
"Hee hee hee!"
"So I told him: 'I'M THE WIFE OF A MINISTER!'"
"You know, there's a war going on in Iraq."
"I just loooove your children, Mrs. Camden!"
"You are a sweet thing, you know that, Camden?"
Ben smiled, wondering what he should do, and felt Ruthie tugging on his sleeve. He looked down at her.
"Go!" she whispered. "Like I told you to do. Go and kiss her hand!"
"Oh," he replied. "Sorry. I forgot."
Ruthie pushed him gently.
And so Ben stepped around the table to the love of his life, the shining star of beauty whose glow illuminated the room, and he reached for her hand and brought it gallantly to his lips, slightly mesmerized by her bouncing head.
"Ah, my darling," he said.
Someone kicked his shin. "Not HER, you idiot!" Ruthie whispered, reaching up to pull his hand free of Cecilia's and jam it towards the woman sitting next to her. "HER!"
"Oh, sorry," Ben said, and he turned his attention to the love of his life, the shining star... you get it.
This woman shrank back in her chair as he reached for her hand, her fingers going for her knife but just missing it as she tried to swat him away.
"My darling," he said. "Welcome!"
Don't slobber, Ruthie had told him. Again and again she had told him. They'd practiced on the Hello Kitty dolls upstairs, and several slobbery Hello Kitties later, he seemed to have gotten the hang of it. He kept this in mind as he pressed his lips to Jill's hand, her arm strong as she tried to pull away.
"Isn't that romantic?" he heard Kevin say. "My little brother in love."
"Are you looking at her?" Lucy snapped. "You're looking at that little tart, aren't you!"
This outburst was quelled as Kevin wrapped his arms around Lucy and planted a wet, open mouthed kiss on her lips. She moaned in his arms, pressing against him and writhing.
"Hey!" Eric said. "Take it to the living room later, you two, so we can all watch!"
Lucy composed herself. "Yes, Dad. Sorry."
Ben released Jill's hand and stood blankly as she poured water from her glass on it and wiped it fiercely with her napkin. She loves me, he thought, and the urge came to him then to pull out what he had in his pocket and present it to her. Fortunately Ruthie pulled him away and guided him to his chair across the table from her.
"You can give it to her later," Ruthie hissed, taking the seat beside him. "After she's all warmed up."
Ben nodded. The Brenda's Pot Roast sure smelled good.
#
"Ahem," Eric said. "It's time to say grace. Since I'm a man and am therefore immune to flighty hormonal troubles, I'll do it. I'm also a Minister, you know."
"Really?" asked Martin. "My father's a Marine. In Iraq. There's a war going on there."
Eric wiped a sudden tear from his eye, brought his hands together, and began to speak.
"Oh God, you're so big. I mean really. You're positively gigantic, and we're all really impressed down here, let me tell you. So we want to thank you, oh great big God, for all the blessings you've bestowed upon us, that we of course deserve so much, because we're a surprisingly functional family that has won numerous awards for our efforts in addressing such issues as teen pregnancy, more teen pregnancy, and of course, watching those pitiful failures of single teen mothers who are such an example of how liberalism and permissiveness like you see on the WB all the time are destroying America. Thank you, God, for all the patriarchal family values that need to be enforced over our women and young people, and thank you also for all the bad things that happen to kids who listen to rap music, because they're bad, bad kids who need to be punished. And thank you for the homeless, God, because without them we wouldn't be able to invite total strangers over to our house for random meals that help us believe we're doing good when in fact after the meal we never see or hear from them again, which doesn't bother us in the least because we eat so well, all the time."
Eric smiled, and looked over at Jill.
"And thank you, God, for the gift of love, true love, love like Annie shows to me and her family when she shoves my dinner down the garbage disposal or sends our underage children to live in a half finished room over the garage where there are exposed electrical wires, denying them food, comfort and shelter. Or love like we have for our stupid daughter Mary, who didn't obey us so we sent her off to live in Buffalo with my harsh, militarist, abusive father. Yes, God, thank you for love, and tonight, a special thank you for the love between Ben and Jill, a love that, like the love Kevin shows daily to my daughter Lucy as he slowly and firmly destroys that terrible, dangerous self esteem that she was getting by being a single woman, will be a love everlasting, in your sight and under the mighty force of your power, which is a sword wielded by sweet baby Jesus to smite all non-moderate Muslims and of course kids who listen to rap music. Amen."
Ben smiled, looking over at the love of his life as he tired to figure out all the big words the reverend had just said. She was so beautiful, his love, so radiant, shimmering in her glow of....
"Which one is she, again?" he whispered to Ruthie.