Cain couldn't move his arms. He struggled to raise his paws, just as he
had hundreds of times before. But this time, he couldn't. His body was
beyond his control, and the mouse felt as if his limbs were being weighed
down. Cain turned his head to look at his arms. But try as he might, he
could not stop his head from being as immobile as his arms were. A sudden
panic gripped Cain, and he felt his chest tightening. What is this? Am I
paralyzed?
Then, he felt his body rising from the ground. The sensation of motion was enough to make Cain think that his body was obeying him again, but when he tried to take control of his halting steps, he could not bring his legs back under control. It was as if somebody else were in his body, and Cain's mind was just along for a ride. The mouse felt as if his heart should be beating madly, but he could control it no more than he could the rest of his body.
Although he couldn't control what his body did, Cain still received information from his senses. He could see that he was walking forward along a stone path, with an immeasurable drop on each side. The air around him was cold, and aside from the sound of his footsteps padding against the path, it was silent. Cain struggled again to regain control of his body, concentrating his mind on clenching his paw. But despite his efforts, he could not make his paw obey the command.
The mouse moved slowly; impossibly slowly. His body advanced forward with an agenda of its own, and he stopped trying to stay in control. Cain retreated within himself, leaving the slow walk along the narrow stone path to whatever was in control of his body. In his mind, he relived the events of his life, digging up forgotten memories of childhood friends, forgotten journeys, and an old uncertainty that he thought he had buried as he moved into adulthood. But wherever his mind wandered, he seemed to find Kelly.
She had been a beautiful mouse. Flawless light brown fur and shining green eyes made her one of the most distinctive beasts he had ever lay his eyes on. Her personality had been a mixture of determination and tenderness, and she had been an unmoving constant throughout his life. He relished every memory of her, every shy look he gave her, every conversation he had with her, every minute he spent with her. The memories caused him no end of embarrassment; nobeast wanted to look back at themselves and think what an awkward youth they were.
One particular memory rose to the front of Cain's mind. He had fallen down the staircase leading up to the top of one of the Abbey walls, and Kelly had went into the infirmary to steal some medicine for him. Jonwick, the mouse that had been the Infirmary Keeper at the time, was known for the roughness he showed any patients careless enough to injure themselves through their own error. So instead of letting Cain suffer the old mouse's healing, Kelly had healed him herself.
Whatever will possessed Cain brought his body to a halt. Cain's head was brought up, and he found himself staring at a pair of large oaken gates. There were fine carvings in the wood depicting many different kinds of beasts. Mice, squirrels, rats, otters, ferrets, owls, great whales, and many other beasts were shown in detail on these gargantuan gates. The mouse felt small and insignificant compared to the beasts that were shown in the carvings, and he longed to reach out to the gate and trace the images with his paw.
No sound accompanied the movement of the gates as they swung slowly inward. Cain couldn't see what lay ahead of him - a thick black mist shrouded the terrain beyond the gates.
Despite his efforts to resist, his body pushed onward, walking through the gates and into the mist. Cain couldn't see or hear whether or not the gates had closed behind him, but something told him that he was trapped.
Uncountable moments later, Cain sighted another set of gates. These were forged of the purest silver, and they were bereft of any decoration save for a pair of silver serpents mounted on top, one on each gate. But Cain's attention was quickly diverted from the gates when his head turned and he looked upon the beast that stood beside them. His breath quickened, and he took a step back and brought up his paws as if to defend himself from some attack. In the midst of his frantic flailing, it took Cain several seconds to notice that he had reclaimed control of his body.
"Do not fear me, Cain," said the amber-furred badger, reaching toward the mouse with its immense paws. "I am not god nor demon. I shall not bring harm unto your soul. I am merely a judge."
"A... a judge?" stammered Cain. From the regal way in which the badger held itself to the golden aura that seemed to surround it, Cain had judged the badger to be some sort of divine being. Although Abbeybeasts did not believe in any sort of demons or gods, the whispers of travelers from distant lands and the nightmarish fantasies of dibbunhood had instilled Cain with a superstitious nature. Coupled with the belief that Martin's spirit lived on in Redwall Abbey, his superstition had led him to question whether or not there were greater powers behind the occurrences of everyday life.
"A mere judge," affirmed the badger. "I was chosen because of the good judgment I had shown while I walked the trials of life. I am here to judge whether or not you are worthy of entering Dark Forest. Do you believe yourself worthy, Cain of Redwall?"
Cain's mind was filled with questions, about Dark Forest and the badger, but he knew that the best course of action would be to answer the badger's questions. Now that he looked more closely at it, Cain could see that the badger was serene and gentle rather than imposing and divine. But underneath that, there was a firmness that Cain did not dare trifle with.
Pushing all other thoughts aside, Cain considered the badger's question. He considered himself a noble mouse, and had done what he thought right since a young age. But ever since he had lost Kelly, dark thoughts had clouded his mind and he had not cared who was harmed by his actions or demeanour. Casting aside the goodness within him, Cain had become a bitter beast, focusing his thoughts and feelings only on what he had lost.
Although these considerations fueled Cain's doubts, his mind drifted to a more recent occurrence. The matter of the dead otters had been on his conscience since departing Redwall. With his rational mind, he knew that he had made the best decision in the long run, but his heart ached at the thought of what he had done to the parents of the slain otters - as well as their friends. If it had been Andrew, Cain would have died of grief.
"No, I do not." Cain clenched his paws and gazed up at the badger. "I would kill anybeast that wronged me in the way I have wronged them. I've neglected my son and the rest of Redwall in my grief, and that is something I can never make up. I do not believe I am worthy of Dark Forest."
Pity shone in the eyes of the badger judge, but its voice stayed firm. "You have done more good than evil, Cain. If it had not been for the efforts of you and your wife, the goodbeasts would have lost the Stormrat War. You brought happiness to Redwall in your younger seasons, although brothers and sisters of the Abbey tore it apart from within its walls. And even this sin you consider unforgivable was done for the greater good."
"I may have done good, but in doing so, I have done evil," said Cain. "I cannot allow myself to enter Dark Forest."
The badger shook its head sadly. "Is there nothing that will change your mind?" The badger looked deep into Cain's eyes and studied him with such scrutiny that the mouse thought his knees would give way beneath him. Finally, the badger looked away. "At least gaze into Dark Forest, Cain. Then, decide whether or not you wish to enter."
Something stopped Cain from objecting. A faint tug at his heart, but it was enough to keep him silent. He reached for it, wondering what this feeling was, but his mind screamed at him to stop. Reluctantly, the mouse let his thoughts move past the feeling, and shoved it back into the recesses of his soul.
The badger stepped forward and wrapped its paw around Cain's. Despite the mouse's misgivings, he allowed himself to be led forward to stand before the silver gates. The badger raised its other paw in what looked like a motion to shove the gates inward, but instead of touching the gate, the badger reached for the wall.
Placing its paw along the great grey wall that separated Cain from Dark Forest. "Astinal and Venereda, I have judged this soul worthy of entering Dark Forest. Open your gates, but do not seal them."
Spurred by the badger's words, the two silver serpents on the top of Dark Forest's gates seemed to come to life. Although Cain could see no movement, the serpents' eyes seemed to glow, and for a second, Cain could swear he could hear one of them hiss. Calm down Cain, you're being a fool! he berated himself. The mouse almost smiled when he was struck by the irony of allowing himself to be humiliated by his superstitious mind at the gates of Dark Forest.
Slowly, the gates began to open outward. Cain was overcome by an urge to move away, and then a seemingly irresistible attraction to the region behind the gate. He was stopped from acting on either of these urges only by the judge's grip.
If he strained his eyes, Cain could see past the fog that seemed to envelop this strange land and make out the misty shapes of trees. But before he could glimpse any more of what lie within, something emerged and attracted his gaze.
A mousemaid with light brown fur walked forward purposefully. Green eyes were barely visible through the fog, and her mouth was curved into a small smile. Shaking free of the badger's grip, Cain rushed forward to meet her.
"Kelly!" he cried. Amazement, joy, and other, indiscernible emotions flashed through Cain's mind as the mouse ran into his arms. She held him tightly, gripping him as fiercely as she ever had. Cain held her close, moving his lips but finding himself incapable of saying anything. He looked at her face, taking in her loving eyes and teasing smile. A grin began to form on Cain's face, but he stumbled backwards as his joy at reclaiming his lost love turned to shame.
"I'm sorry, Kelly." Cain could barely bring himself to speak, now that he had come face to face with the mouse he loved. The burden of wrongdoing he carried had been only shame until now, to be borne and regretted, but not denied or excused. With Kelly in front of him, he desperately wanted to make up lies and tell her how well life had treated him after her death. But their love was too deep for that - Kelly would know the truth.
"Ever since you've died, I've been a wreck. I spent my time alone, away from those in Redwall. I've even disregarded Andrew." Cain stopped talking when he felt tears running down his face, but continued in a rush when he realized that he would start sobbing if he didn't. "Now, I've hidden murder from the beasts at the Abbey, and doomed Gormin and myself to be exiled! I don't deserve the company of decent beasts!"
The tears flowed freely now, and they were enough to blind Cain. He shut his eyes against the stinging of the tears, so he was surprised when he felt Kelly wrap her arms around him.
"I know what you've done Cain, and what you've been. Bitter and lonely. But I also know what's in your heart. Love for me, and love for Andrew. Please, Cain, forgive yourself." Kelly reached her paw up to Cain's face and wiped away his tears.
"I... don't know if I can, Kelly. I love you... I always have. I always will. But our Andrew... I could have done more for him. I could have treated him better. If I had not been such a fool, I wouldn't be dead. I could still be fighting for him, protecting him." Cain shook his head, and salty tears fell to the ground. "I am a terrible father."
A spark of annoyance appeared in Kelly's eyes, but before she could voice her feelings Andrew felt a paw on his shoulder. Gentle but firm, the badger judge pulled him away from Kelly. Cain's wife let him go, although he could see that she longed to keep holding him. Urged by the touch of the badger, Cain turned around and looked it in the eyes.
"See, Cain." The badger's voice was firm and commanding. "Look, and see what is happening."
Cain lost himself in the badger's eyes. The orbs sucked him inward, and lost all sense of himself. He drifted off, and felt himself leaving. Kelly...
~~~
Cain stood above the ground, but below the room. Somewhere in the sky. He looked down upon the lands of Mossflower. They were strangely beautiful in the night. He turned his head to the right, and the badger was there. The badger seemed to float downward, and Cain followed. Over Redwall, his beautiful home, going to the west. A tribe of woodland ferrets slept peacefully, and through trees and rivers, Cain came upon the sight he assumed the judge wished him to see. Two mice slept peacefully in their blankets, with no sign of a campfire to have kept them worn. One was an older mouse, only slightly older than Cain, covered with dark brown fur with a noble greyish sheen. Leaning against a tree beside him was a large, sturdy sword, its blade kept concealed in a magnificent leather sheath. Beside the mouse slept a mousemaid with the same dark brown fur. She slept peacefully, and would have seemed harmless were it not for the way she gripped the short ash bow lying at her side.
The badger's brought Cain around, and swung him back toward the east. Beyond the ferret tribe, and beyond Redwall. His flight began to slow, and he dropped closer to the ground. He saw his son, moving slowly forward, as if time were almost frozen for him. He was walking away from Hake's hut, returning home to Redwall. The tight features of Andrew's face indicated to Cain that something was distressing him. I know you can't see me, he thought, but at least you might feel that I am here.
Again, Cain felt himself rising. This time, the badger led him toward the coast, to Salamandastron. Cain could imagine the taste of the sea spray when they reached the shore, and flew like a pair of shooting stars toward the base of Salamandastron. They saw an army, scaling the southern face of Salamandastron one by one. Their leader was a giant rat. He was not as terribly fierce as the one who had put his sword through Cain's stomach, but he moved silently, as though he was born to stalk the shadows. The Stormrat held a great sword, shining with an inner light, and its magnificence was comparable to the sword the mouse had been carrying. Cain wondered if there was some connection between the blades.
To Cain's dismay, the hares further up the mountain seemed unaware of the advancing vermin. By all rights, trained Long Patrol warriors should have seen them coming. There must have been something distracting them. Looking closer at the gathered hares, Cain saw a third sword, held in a sheath at the belt of a hare who was too small for it. Although Cain couldn't make out the blade, he could sense a glowing warmth coming from it. Something told him that this sword was somehow dormant, and that in the hands of a true warrior the warmth would become a searing heat.
Now, the badger took him within the mountain. The battle still raged, but time was even slower for Cain than it had been when he had looked upon his son. It appeared as if the combatants had frozen in place. The badger gestured toward the center of the cavern, where the giant Stormrat's blade still pierced his stomach. The mouse felt an obscure pain in his skull and stomach upon viewing this scene, but he shook it off as being merely a memory of this scene. He looked sadly at his own body, wishing he could have fought on instead of giving up. The Cain with the sword through his stomach seemed to be struggling in an attempt to take his last breaths, although his eyes were closed and he was sinking into oblivion. The pain in Cain's skull became just barely noticeable, and he began to feel the ghost of a sting in his stomach. Just phantoms... or was he actually feeling them?
~~~
Cain stumbled away from the badger, flailing his paws and attempting to regain his balance. Unfortunately, the visions were still fresh in his mind and his limbs seemed to be almost useless. He fell backwards... and into Kelly's arms. The softness of her fur was all Cain wanted to feel, but there was an elusive pain in his skull and stomach that the mouse knew he must deal with.
"I need to... go back to Salamandastron," whispered Cain, in an almost apologetic voice. "I'm still alive... I can feel the pain in my body. I can do something worthwhile. I need to leave, but I'll be back."
Kelly clung to Cain as he stood. But rather than holding him back, they were supporting him. "I'll help you," she whispered into his ear. "No matter how hard it gets, I won't let you through the gates of Dark Forest until you accomplish what you set out to do."
"But I will join you, when I do what I need to. I love you, Kelly," said Cain. Then, he grit his teeth, and began to struggle away from Dark Forest's gates. Through the mists that seemed to cover this strange land, through the oaken gates he had passed through on his way to the second pair of gates, onto a stone path with a seemingly bottomless drop on either side. The pain increased with each step, but Cain had only to bring to his mind thoughts of Andrew to push himself onward. And beside him, Kelly pushed him forward, lovingly but firmly. Whenever Cain felt as if he could go no further, Kelly urged him onward. Whenever it felt to Cain that he was being drawn back to Dark Forest, Kelly braced him until the sensation passed.
At the end of the stone path, a bright light seemed to be waiting for Cain. "This is where I leave you," said Cain, squeezing Kelly's paw. He smiled to himself when he felt her return squeeze, and then struggled forward. "I'll see you soon," he whispered, hoping Kelly could hear him. Then, Cain stepped into the light.
~~~
His skull was cracked, and there was a sword through his stomach. Waves of pain passed through Cain's body, and it took all his strength not to give up the consciousness he had worked so hard to attain. The mouse forced his eyelids open, and although the only light in the cavern was the faint flickering of torches, it stung his vision.
Not allowing himself time to take in the sensations that assailed his senses, Cain fought his way forward, toward the Stormrat. He didn't care that he was sliding himself along the beast's immense blade; it was as if some phantom beast were helping him stand. Kelly. When he judged himself close enough, Cain lifted his sword over his shoulder. His eyes were blinded by a haze of pain, but although he could not see his foe he could feel the blade that punctured his stomach jerking as the Stormrat attempted to take it out to defend himself, but the mouse refused to give in to panic. Now... strike.
With all the strength he had left in him, he swung his sword through the air. He felt the sword cut through flesh and muscle. Then the blade met solid bone, and for a moment Cain was afraid that he wasn't strong enough. But his weapon cleaved through the Stormrat's spine, and went on to travel through the rest of the monster's neck.
Immense relief overwhelmed Cain even as he sunk to the ground and let pain overwhelm his senses. The final earthly sound he heard above the din of battle was the wet splash as the head of the Stormrat he had been fighting struck the ground.
Leaving the battle at Salamandastron behind him, Cain fell backwards into Kelly's arms. This time, the embrace was final.
Then, he felt his body rising from the ground. The sensation of motion was enough to make Cain think that his body was obeying him again, but when he tried to take control of his halting steps, he could not bring his legs back under control. It was as if somebody else were in his body, and Cain's mind was just along for a ride. The mouse felt as if his heart should be beating madly, but he could control it no more than he could the rest of his body.
Although he couldn't control what his body did, Cain still received information from his senses. He could see that he was walking forward along a stone path, with an immeasurable drop on each side. The air around him was cold, and aside from the sound of his footsteps padding against the path, it was silent. Cain struggled again to regain control of his body, concentrating his mind on clenching his paw. But despite his efforts, he could not make his paw obey the command.
The mouse moved slowly; impossibly slowly. His body advanced forward with an agenda of its own, and he stopped trying to stay in control. Cain retreated within himself, leaving the slow walk along the narrow stone path to whatever was in control of his body. In his mind, he relived the events of his life, digging up forgotten memories of childhood friends, forgotten journeys, and an old uncertainty that he thought he had buried as he moved into adulthood. But wherever his mind wandered, he seemed to find Kelly.
She had been a beautiful mouse. Flawless light brown fur and shining green eyes made her one of the most distinctive beasts he had ever lay his eyes on. Her personality had been a mixture of determination and tenderness, and she had been an unmoving constant throughout his life. He relished every memory of her, every shy look he gave her, every conversation he had with her, every minute he spent with her. The memories caused him no end of embarrassment; nobeast wanted to look back at themselves and think what an awkward youth they were.
One particular memory rose to the front of Cain's mind. He had fallen down the staircase leading up to the top of one of the Abbey walls, and Kelly had went into the infirmary to steal some medicine for him. Jonwick, the mouse that had been the Infirmary Keeper at the time, was known for the roughness he showed any patients careless enough to injure themselves through their own error. So instead of letting Cain suffer the old mouse's healing, Kelly had healed him herself.
Whatever will possessed Cain brought his body to a halt. Cain's head was brought up, and he found himself staring at a pair of large oaken gates. There were fine carvings in the wood depicting many different kinds of beasts. Mice, squirrels, rats, otters, ferrets, owls, great whales, and many other beasts were shown in detail on these gargantuan gates. The mouse felt small and insignificant compared to the beasts that were shown in the carvings, and he longed to reach out to the gate and trace the images with his paw.
No sound accompanied the movement of the gates as they swung slowly inward. Cain couldn't see what lay ahead of him - a thick black mist shrouded the terrain beyond the gates.
Despite his efforts to resist, his body pushed onward, walking through the gates and into the mist. Cain couldn't see or hear whether or not the gates had closed behind him, but something told him that he was trapped.
Uncountable moments later, Cain sighted another set of gates. These were forged of the purest silver, and they were bereft of any decoration save for a pair of silver serpents mounted on top, one on each gate. But Cain's attention was quickly diverted from the gates when his head turned and he looked upon the beast that stood beside them. His breath quickened, and he took a step back and brought up his paws as if to defend himself from some attack. In the midst of his frantic flailing, it took Cain several seconds to notice that he had reclaimed control of his body.
"Do not fear me, Cain," said the amber-furred badger, reaching toward the mouse with its immense paws. "I am not god nor demon. I shall not bring harm unto your soul. I am merely a judge."
"A... a judge?" stammered Cain. From the regal way in which the badger held itself to the golden aura that seemed to surround it, Cain had judged the badger to be some sort of divine being. Although Abbeybeasts did not believe in any sort of demons or gods, the whispers of travelers from distant lands and the nightmarish fantasies of dibbunhood had instilled Cain with a superstitious nature. Coupled with the belief that Martin's spirit lived on in Redwall Abbey, his superstition had led him to question whether or not there were greater powers behind the occurrences of everyday life.
"A mere judge," affirmed the badger. "I was chosen because of the good judgment I had shown while I walked the trials of life. I am here to judge whether or not you are worthy of entering Dark Forest. Do you believe yourself worthy, Cain of Redwall?"
Cain's mind was filled with questions, about Dark Forest and the badger, but he knew that the best course of action would be to answer the badger's questions. Now that he looked more closely at it, Cain could see that the badger was serene and gentle rather than imposing and divine. But underneath that, there was a firmness that Cain did not dare trifle with.
Pushing all other thoughts aside, Cain considered the badger's question. He considered himself a noble mouse, and had done what he thought right since a young age. But ever since he had lost Kelly, dark thoughts had clouded his mind and he had not cared who was harmed by his actions or demeanour. Casting aside the goodness within him, Cain had become a bitter beast, focusing his thoughts and feelings only on what he had lost.
Although these considerations fueled Cain's doubts, his mind drifted to a more recent occurrence. The matter of the dead otters had been on his conscience since departing Redwall. With his rational mind, he knew that he had made the best decision in the long run, but his heart ached at the thought of what he had done to the parents of the slain otters - as well as their friends. If it had been Andrew, Cain would have died of grief.
"No, I do not." Cain clenched his paws and gazed up at the badger. "I would kill anybeast that wronged me in the way I have wronged them. I've neglected my son and the rest of Redwall in my grief, and that is something I can never make up. I do not believe I am worthy of Dark Forest."
Pity shone in the eyes of the badger judge, but its voice stayed firm. "You have done more good than evil, Cain. If it had not been for the efforts of you and your wife, the goodbeasts would have lost the Stormrat War. You brought happiness to Redwall in your younger seasons, although brothers and sisters of the Abbey tore it apart from within its walls. And even this sin you consider unforgivable was done for the greater good."
"I may have done good, but in doing so, I have done evil," said Cain. "I cannot allow myself to enter Dark Forest."
The badger shook its head sadly. "Is there nothing that will change your mind?" The badger looked deep into Cain's eyes and studied him with such scrutiny that the mouse thought his knees would give way beneath him. Finally, the badger looked away. "At least gaze into Dark Forest, Cain. Then, decide whether or not you wish to enter."
Something stopped Cain from objecting. A faint tug at his heart, but it was enough to keep him silent. He reached for it, wondering what this feeling was, but his mind screamed at him to stop. Reluctantly, the mouse let his thoughts move past the feeling, and shoved it back into the recesses of his soul.
The badger stepped forward and wrapped its paw around Cain's. Despite the mouse's misgivings, he allowed himself to be led forward to stand before the silver gates. The badger raised its other paw in what looked like a motion to shove the gates inward, but instead of touching the gate, the badger reached for the wall.
Placing its paw along the great grey wall that separated Cain from Dark Forest. "Astinal and Venereda, I have judged this soul worthy of entering Dark Forest. Open your gates, but do not seal them."
Spurred by the badger's words, the two silver serpents on the top of Dark Forest's gates seemed to come to life. Although Cain could see no movement, the serpents' eyes seemed to glow, and for a second, Cain could swear he could hear one of them hiss. Calm down Cain, you're being a fool! he berated himself. The mouse almost smiled when he was struck by the irony of allowing himself to be humiliated by his superstitious mind at the gates of Dark Forest.
Slowly, the gates began to open outward. Cain was overcome by an urge to move away, and then a seemingly irresistible attraction to the region behind the gate. He was stopped from acting on either of these urges only by the judge's grip.
If he strained his eyes, Cain could see past the fog that seemed to envelop this strange land and make out the misty shapes of trees. But before he could glimpse any more of what lie within, something emerged and attracted his gaze.
A mousemaid with light brown fur walked forward purposefully. Green eyes were barely visible through the fog, and her mouth was curved into a small smile. Shaking free of the badger's grip, Cain rushed forward to meet her.
"Kelly!" he cried. Amazement, joy, and other, indiscernible emotions flashed through Cain's mind as the mouse ran into his arms. She held him tightly, gripping him as fiercely as she ever had. Cain held her close, moving his lips but finding himself incapable of saying anything. He looked at her face, taking in her loving eyes and teasing smile. A grin began to form on Cain's face, but he stumbled backwards as his joy at reclaiming his lost love turned to shame.
"I'm sorry, Kelly." Cain could barely bring himself to speak, now that he had come face to face with the mouse he loved. The burden of wrongdoing he carried had been only shame until now, to be borne and regretted, but not denied or excused. With Kelly in front of him, he desperately wanted to make up lies and tell her how well life had treated him after her death. But their love was too deep for that - Kelly would know the truth.
"Ever since you've died, I've been a wreck. I spent my time alone, away from those in Redwall. I've even disregarded Andrew." Cain stopped talking when he felt tears running down his face, but continued in a rush when he realized that he would start sobbing if he didn't. "Now, I've hidden murder from the beasts at the Abbey, and doomed Gormin and myself to be exiled! I don't deserve the company of decent beasts!"
The tears flowed freely now, and they were enough to blind Cain. He shut his eyes against the stinging of the tears, so he was surprised when he felt Kelly wrap her arms around him.
"I know what you've done Cain, and what you've been. Bitter and lonely. But I also know what's in your heart. Love for me, and love for Andrew. Please, Cain, forgive yourself." Kelly reached her paw up to Cain's face and wiped away his tears.
"I... don't know if I can, Kelly. I love you... I always have. I always will. But our Andrew... I could have done more for him. I could have treated him better. If I had not been such a fool, I wouldn't be dead. I could still be fighting for him, protecting him." Cain shook his head, and salty tears fell to the ground. "I am a terrible father."
A spark of annoyance appeared in Kelly's eyes, but before she could voice her feelings Andrew felt a paw on his shoulder. Gentle but firm, the badger judge pulled him away from Kelly. Cain's wife let him go, although he could see that she longed to keep holding him. Urged by the touch of the badger, Cain turned around and looked it in the eyes.
"See, Cain." The badger's voice was firm and commanding. "Look, and see what is happening."
Cain lost himself in the badger's eyes. The orbs sucked him inward, and lost all sense of himself. He drifted off, and felt himself leaving. Kelly...
~~~
Cain stood above the ground, but below the room. Somewhere in the sky. He looked down upon the lands of Mossflower. They were strangely beautiful in the night. He turned his head to the right, and the badger was there. The badger seemed to float downward, and Cain followed. Over Redwall, his beautiful home, going to the west. A tribe of woodland ferrets slept peacefully, and through trees and rivers, Cain came upon the sight he assumed the judge wished him to see. Two mice slept peacefully in their blankets, with no sign of a campfire to have kept them worn. One was an older mouse, only slightly older than Cain, covered with dark brown fur with a noble greyish sheen. Leaning against a tree beside him was a large, sturdy sword, its blade kept concealed in a magnificent leather sheath. Beside the mouse slept a mousemaid with the same dark brown fur. She slept peacefully, and would have seemed harmless were it not for the way she gripped the short ash bow lying at her side.
The badger's brought Cain around, and swung him back toward the east. Beyond the ferret tribe, and beyond Redwall. His flight began to slow, and he dropped closer to the ground. He saw his son, moving slowly forward, as if time were almost frozen for him. He was walking away from Hake's hut, returning home to Redwall. The tight features of Andrew's face indicated to Cain that something was distressing him. I know you can't see me, he thought, but at least you might feel that I am here.
Again, Cain felt himself rising. This time, the badger led him toward the coast, to Salamandastron. Cain could imagine the taste of the sea spray when they reached the shore, and flew like a pair of shooting stars toward the base of Salamandastron. They saw an army, scaling the southern face of Salamandastron one by one. Their leader was a giant rat. He was not as terribly fierce as the one who had put his sword through Cain's stomach, but he moved silently, as though he was born to stalk the shadows. The Stormrat held a great sword, shining with an inner light, and its magnificence was comparable to the sword the mouse had been carrying. Cain wondered if there was some connection between the blades.
To Cain's dismay, the hares further up the mountain seemed unaware of the advancing vermin. By all rights, trained Long Patrol warriors should have seen them coming. There must have been something distracting them. Looking closer at the gathered hares, Cain saw a third sword, held in a sheath at the belt of a hare who was too small for it. Although Cain couldn't make out the blade, he could sense a glowing warmth coming from it. Something told him that this sword was somehow dormant, and that in the hands of a true warrior the warmth would become a searing heat.
Now, the badger took him within the mountain. The battle still raged, but time was even slower for Cain than it had been when he had looked upon his son. It appeared as if the combatants had frozen in place. The badger gestured toward the center of the cavern, where the giant Stormrat's blade still pierced his stomach. The mouse felt an obscure pain in his skull and stomach upon viewing this scene, but he shook it off as being merely a memory of this scene. He looked sadly at his own body, wishing he could have fought on instead of giving up. The Cain with the sword through his stomach seemed to be struggling in an attempt to take his last breaths, although his eyes were closed and he was sinking into oblivion. The pain in Cain's skull became just barely noticeable, and he began to feel the ghost of a sting in his stomach. Just phantoms... or was he actually feeling them?
~~~
Cain stumbled away from the badger, flailing his paws and attempting to regain his balance. Unfortunately, the visions were still fresh in his mind and his limbs seemed to be almost useless. He fell backwards... and into Kelly's arms. The softness of her fur was all Cain wanted to feel, but there was an elusive pain in his skull and stomach that the mouse knew he must deal with.
"I need to... go back to Salamandastron," whispered Cain, in an almost apologetic voice. "I'm still alive... I can feel the pain in my body. I can do something worthwhile. I need to leave, but I'll be back."
Kelly clung to Cain as he stood. But rather than holding him back, they were supporting him. "I'll help you," she whispered into his ear. "No matter how hard it gets, I won't let you through the gates of Dark Forest until you accomplish what you set out to do."
"But I will join you, when I do what I need to. I love you, Kelly," said Cain. Then, he grit his teeth, and began to struggle away from Dark Forest's gates. Through the mists that seemed to cover this strange land, through the oaken gates he had passed through on his way to the second pair of gates, onto a stone path with a seemingly bottomless drop on either side. The pain increased with each step, but Cain had only to bring to his mind thoughts of Andrew to push himself onward. And beside him, Kelly pushed him forward, lovingly but firmly. Whenever Cain felt as if he could go no further, Kelly urged him onward. Whenever it felt to Cain that he was being drawn back to Dark Forest, Kelly braced him until the sensation passed.
At the end of the stone path, a bright light seemed to be waiting for Cain. "This is where I leave you," said Cain, squeezing Kelly's paw. He smiled to himself when he felt her return squeeze, and then struggled forward. "I'll see you soon," he whispered, hoping Kelly could hear him. Then, Cain stepped into the light.
~~~
His skull was cracked, and there was a sword through his stomach. Waves of pain passed through Cain's body, and it took all his strength not to give up the consciousness he had worked so hard to attain. The mouse forced his eyelids open, and although the only light in the cavern was the faint flickering of torches, it stung his vision.
Not allowing himself time to take in the sensations that assailed his senses, Cain fought his way forward, toward the Stormrat. He didn't care that he was sliding himself along the beast's immense blade; it was as if some phantom beast were helping him stand. Kelly. When he judged himself close enough, Cain lifted his sword over his shoulder. His eyes were blinded by a haze of pain, but although he could not see his foe he could feel the blade that punctured his stomach jerking as the Stormrat attempted to take it out to defend himself, but the mouse refused to give in to panic. Now... strike.
With all the strength he had left in him, he swung his sword through the air. He felt the sword cut through flesh and muscle. Then the blade met solid bone, and for a moment Cain was afraid that he wasn't strong enough. But his weapon cleaved through the Stormrat's spine, and went on to travel through the rest of the monster's neck.
Immense relief overwhelmed Cain even as he sunk to the ground and let pain overwhelm his senses. The final earthly sound he heard above the din of battle was the wet splash as the head of the Stormrat he had been fighting struck the ground.
Leaving the battle at Salamandastron behind him, Cain fell backwards into Kelly's arms. This time, the embrace was final.