CHAPTER SIX
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Ryou wandered down the hall containing the Egypt exhibits at the Domino Museum. Yuugi and Honda had agreed to accompany him, but they were the only ones, and they were currently inspecting an exhibit on woolly mammoths; Anzu had kindly taken the disappointed Miho out for ice cream, and Jounouchi and Kaiba were presumably still in the school parking lot, "settling the issue" of Jounouchi's mouth.
/He's probably found something else to do with his mouth,/ Ryou thought with a smile, picturing Jounouchi and Kaiba kissing.
\You think so, my host? You're naïve. Allow me to enlighten you.\ Before Ryou could stop him, Yami no Bakura promptly sent a series of images across their mental link that caused the gentler boy to turn bright red with embarrassment.
/KOE!! That's awful!!/
There was no reply, save a mental snicker from the former King of Thieves. Ryou felt his embarrassment turn to anger.
/Where'd you see that? Have you been swiping my body and watching late-night television?/
\No.\
/I ought to go home and wash the Ring out with soap...maybe that'll fix your dirty mind!/
\Look who's talking. I happen to know *exactly* where you keep that doujinshi stash of yours...\
Ryou made a faint "Peep!" noise and turned purple. /You didn't...!/
\Read them? No. I just happen to have first-hand experience in such matters, my wilfully ignorant host.\
/Not experience gained using MY body, I hope!!/
\Perhaps. You weren't very clear about Malik's and my arrangement, now, were you?\
Noting the malicious glee in his unwanted guest's voice, Ryou blanched. /A-are you telling me that you...and Malik...used MY body...to.../
\Do the nasty?\ Yami no Bakura's mental smirk grew more pronounced. \Well now, I think I'll leave that up to you to figure out.\
/I think I shall be ill./
\Oh, it was really quite fun, the time we spent together...there's this trick he does while he's bending over backwards, would you like to know...?\
/No!!/
Ryou tore down the hallway, past a pair of shocked security guards, and into the resident's wing of the museum. Grabbing the handle of the library door, he yanked it open and darted inside, slamming it shut angrily.
/Now be quiet, do you hear me?! Be QUIET!!/
There was a moment of surprised silence, followed by, \My...aren't we feisty today, my host? On you, it's rather attractive...\
/Just...just...please, be quiet and stop telling me things! I don't want to *know* what you've been doing to my body!!!/
"Is something wrong, Bakura?"
It took Ryou a minute or two to realize that the new voice was coming, not from inside his head, but from a table slightly to his left. He let go of the doorknob and turned to find a raven-haired, dark-skinned woman comfortably attired in a loose cotton dress, watching him with bright blue eyes from behind a veritable mountain of old books. On top of the largest pile of these (and there were several piles that completely concealed the table's surface), a mug of steaming tea was balanced precariously.
Ryou bowed hurriedly to the older woman, still more than slightly frazzled by Yami no Bakura's unwanted revelation. "Oh! Ah, hello, Miss Ishtar, erhm...no, no, nothing's wrong at all, I was just wondering if you and your, ah, brothers had a moment free to help me...with...uhm, I think your tea might be about to fall."
Isis Ishtar smiled briefly and waved a careless hand at him. "Not to worry, it'll be fine."
"Ah, no, I don't think it will be, see, it's tilting a bit like it's going to slide off that book—"
Ryou started towards the piece of crockery in question, not noticing the change in Isis' expression. A look of distress crossed the Egyptian's face, and she reached out an arm to stop Ryou.
"No, wait, really, it's alright, you really musn't..."
*CRASH!!*
Ryou yelped as hot tea spattered his hand and washed over the formerly spotless tiles of the library floor. Isis tut-tutted gently and handed him a glass of ice water and a roll of paper towels, both of which she had apparently had hidden among her forest of old books. Ryou held the ice against his hand and looked at her in astonishment. Isis smiled sadly.
"Oh dear, I was afraid that was going to happen."
Ryou blinked, then smiled as understanding dawned on him. "Of course, you foresaw it, didn't you?"
Isis blushed and shrugged, before settling back into her chair again. "Well, anyone with an ounce of common sense can tell if someone is about to blunder into something that might hurt them, but..."
"But you had a premonition that when I came here, I would spill your tea," Ryou finished for her.
"Yes. That's why I moved all the original volumes of Moliere over to the floor on this side. Although I'm sometimes incorrect about my predictions, now I'm missing the Tauk...you've heard of phantom limb syndrome? I think I've got something like that, little leftover repercussions from the Tauk itself." Isis looked regretful, for a moment, then her face brightened. "I thought I had been wrong when you came in and started talking about the tea. In fact, I *was*, in a way; my vision told me you would simply come running in, see the tea, and go for it without saying anything to me first."
Ryou couldn't help himself from staring. He had never met a psychic before who was *pleased* when her predictions were proved inaccurate, but then, Isis Ishtar was no run-of-the-mill fortune teller. Ever since she'd handed over the Sennen Tauk to Yuugi, post-Battle City, she'd seemed a great deal less depressed and solemn than she had beforehand. Malik also appeared to have benefited considerably from relinquishing the Sennen Rod, and a generally improved mood appeared to have spread throughout the whole (limited) Ishtar family.
\I noticed that a while ago, my host...once sources of stress are removed, the sex gets better, at least where dear little Malik is concerned...\
Ryou pointedly ignored the tomb robber's smirking comment, and returned his attention to Isis, who was speaking to him. "So, ahem, before the accident, you mentioned something about wanting to talk to my brothers."
"Yes...yes, actually. I was wondering, I mean, if it's not too sensitive a subject..."
"I'll warn you now," Isis said with a small smile, "Malik's still shy about the tattoo, so if you needed to read something off his back, I'm afraid—"
"No!" Ryou said a little too quickly, even as a mental image of a half-naked Malik in the midst of a make-out session with a certain tomb robber was forced into his mind, courtesy of his "guest". "No, I, um, was just wondering if they could give me some advice."
\Shy, is he? Hmph. Woman obviously doesn't know her brother as well as she thinks...he could hardly *wait* to take his shirt off the first time we...\
/Did I by any remote chance not ask you to SHUT. UP?/
Yami no Bakura was silent for a little while, then made whip-cracking noises with his mouth. Ryou tuned him out pointedly and tuned in to Isis.
"Advice about what? Wait...is it something to do with the yami no jinkaku?"
"As a matter of fact, it is."
"He's been harassing you, has he? And you'd like to find a way to seal him into the Ring permanently."
"Are you *certain* you handed the Tauk over to Yuugi?"
Isis blushed a bit. "Well, yes...but I'm not doing anything mystical. It's just simple deduction. I thought you'd come ask us about this sooner or later, you know."
"Ask us about what?"
Isis and Bakura turned to find Malik peering around the library door. The blond Egyptian's face brightened when he saw Bakura, and he slipped into the room, leaving the door ajar.
"Bakura, what brings you here?"
Bakura smiled warmly at Malik, then remembered himself and held the Ring up for inspection, wiggling it around and causing the pointy bits along its edge to jingle.
"I was hoping you might be able to help me with my...er...guest. He keeps popping out when he's not wanted."
Malik frowned slightly and glanced over at Isis. "Well, unless Honda feels like carving a sealing spell into his own face and then hanging around you night and day...I don't know. Isis?"
Isis rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Well, I don't know any *permanent* way of keeping him in there—remember, he is very powerful...but then again, there *might* be a way..."
\Very powerful is a bit of an understatement, you silly bint, considering I'm the bloody DARKNESS...\
Bakura twitched, feeling his temper rise, and to avoid a mental shouting match with his "guest", pointedly set up a block between them.
The erstwhile Thief King fell silent. Unfortunately, Bakura missed the annoyance smouldering from his dark guest's spirit, as he was paying attention to Isis, who looked as if she might be able to offer some useful advice. Just then, however, a crunch and a pained yelp sounded from directly upstairs, and everyone jumped. Isis looked upwards and grimaced.
"Ohh...that will be Rishid. I *told* him not to try to move so many books into his room at once! Malik, stay here with Bakura, please; I'll be right back!" Before either boy could protest, Isis was gone in a flurry of white cotton. Bakura turned back to Malik, who, the white-haired boy noticed with surprise, was fidgeting awkwardly and even—was he—blushing? Bakura was more than a little perplexed by this: he'd always thought of Malik as terribly self-possessed and cosmopolitan. However, the blond boy was clearly nervous, as indicated by the fact that he was picking nervously at the binding of a priceless book with his fingernail.
Suddenly Malik dropped the book, turned wide violet eyes on Bakura, and said a little breathlessly, "Um...can I ask you something, Bakura?"
"Yes, certainly," Bakura said, watching Malik curiously.
"Are you attracted to other boys?"
Bakura froze up. "I-er-um-ah...maybe?"
Malik's blush became a bit more evident, and his face softened. "Because, there's something I've been wanting to ask you about for a while..."
Honda's face popped into Bakura's mind almost instantly. /Oh, no, of all the times for my life to turn into some sort of bad romantic comedy...why now?/
\God hates you. But, as a certain stuck-up shirt-lifting former priest once said, if God is in your way...kick him in the nuts and walk right on by.\
Bakura barely had time to register that his other half was taking liberties with Kaiba's phrasing (and wonder where Yami no Bakura got off calling *Kaiba* "shirt-lifter), before the King of Thieves took over his body, and he found his mouth saying cheerfully to Malik Ishtar, "Say no more; I'd be perfectly happy to sleep with you."
Malik blinked in surprise, staring at the still innocently-smiling Ryou Bakura. Then he pressed his lips together in annoyance. "That was *not* what I was going to ask you. Is that your poor idea of a joke, Bakura?"
Yami no Bakura, still playing his host to the hilt, put on a quavery pout and let his eyes fill with tears. "So...you don't like me, then?"
"Ah...that's not what I meant," Malik said quickly, softening again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be unkind..."
/Malik!! I'm not *that* big of a wuss, and you of all people should know that!!/
\Hush, my noisy host. I'm trying to get us some hot Egyptian action; the least you could do is be grateful.\
/I like Malik as a *friend*...and I don't *want* hot Egyptian action, and judging from his reaction to that totally inappropriate proposal of yours, neither does Malik!/
\Feh...that's just because he doesn't know what he's missing yet.\
Bakura paused as the impact of the Thief King's statement hit him. /You big liar! You never slept with Malik, you just told me that to upset me!/
\Duh. If I were going to bang His Angstiness, I'd have made certain you were at least *watching*.\
/How very considerate of you. Now GIVE ME BACK MY BODY!!/
\Hmm...nah.\
"...but I definitely wasn't considering anything so, um, drastic," Malik went on, as the not-exactly-Bakura gave him the full Big Brown Eyes treatment. "I just wondered if you, you know, wanted to go out to a movie or something."
"Oh, that would be wonderful," Yami no Bakura chirped cheerfully, ignoring the gagging noises his host was making to him. Malik smiled, relieved that Bakura's rather odd behaviour of moments ago seemed to have been an anomaly.
His smile vanished as Bakura suddenly developed a predatory grin. "Bakura?"
The former King of Bandits leered at him. "Not exactly."
Before Malik could react, Yami no Bakura grabbed the blond boy by his hair and dragged him into a rather theatrical embrace, causing his host to panic.
/KOE!! What are you doing? Have you lost it?!!/
No answer, but Bakura was still privy to the whole dreadful scene, which included Malik making frantic noises of protest around the suddenly- stronger Yami no Bakura's invasive tongue, and said dark personality's furious groping of, well, just about any part of the young Egyptian's body he could get at.
/Koe, stop trying to shove your tongue down his throat...Oh, to Hell with it!/
With a supreme effort, Bakura seized control of his own arms, allowing Malik time to shove his assailant away. Yami no Bakura regained control instantly, and righted himself with a disgruntled snarl, glowered at Malik, who'd sensibly gotten on the other side of a library table from his would-be ravisher, and was staring at him, breathless, red, and decidedly angry.
"What...was...THAT?!"
Yami no Bakura assumed a disingenuous expression. "What was what?"
"Don't give me that, *you*," Malik snarled, trembling all over. "I thought you already understood that I *will not*...!"
"You seem to have no problem with getting involved with my host."
"Bakura is not a sociopath."
"Oh, and you're Little Mister Law-Abiding yourself?" Yami no Bakura sneered. Malik dropped his eyes and muttered something about being over that sort of thing. The Thief King's smirk broadened.
"I'll just bet you are. And you're not fooling me: the only reason you want the yadonushi is because he plays hard-to-get."
"Or *maybe* it's because he's a nice, kind person who doesn't try to grab me and force himself on me!" Malik snapped furiously, before hiding his face in his hands.
/Leave him alone, koe, you're upsetting him!/
\Phbbt. You know he wants it.\
/If he were a girl, you'd be in a jail cell right now. And you can say he wants it all you want, that doesn't change the fact that he obviously does *not!*/
\Blah blah blah on a bleeding heart. I don't actually *intend* to get with him, I'm just having a bit of fun.\
"Did you ever wonder *why* I was so all-fire eager to blow you to the Underworld with Ra, during the Battle Ship? *This* is why."
Yami no Bakura's attention went back to Malik...and he started. Malik's hair was standing straight up, his voice had taken on a decidedly eerie tone, and his—face—was starting to stretch around.
/Oh no./
"Well, look who's back, the King of Unusual Drugs," Yami no Bakura said, utterly unperturbed. "Got sick of moping around in the Shadows because the Pharaoh kicked your arse, did you? Or..." The Smirk returned. "Or are you here to take me up on my offer?"
"Hardly," purred Yami no Malik, as a few more veins bulged anew from his forehead. "I'm here to teach you to keep your grabby hands off my other self...and off of *me*, by extension."
"You, my friend, need therapy. And lots of tantric sex, if possible."
/Ah, Koe?/
\What?\
/That's mou hitori no Malik./
\So I noticed.\
/It looks like he wants to destroy *both* of us because *you* tried to molest his other half./
\...so?\
/If we live through this...which it is unlikely we will...I'm never opening another present from Tousan again. Straight into the garburator./
\Quit whining. I'm the Darkness, remember? He can't kill me.\
"Since I can't kill you...unfortunately...I think I'll just maim you horribly."
Yami no Bakura's eyes widened as Yami no Malik rummaged around in his pants pockets, and came up with a jackknife. The fiend stood quietly for a moment, contemplating the knife, and then Yami no Bakura's borrowed torso.
"I think I'll castrate you first...and then disembowel you. Then maybe I'll stick some flaming bamboo under your eyelids, just for fun."
\Uh, on second thought, maybe discretion is the better part of valour. For a homicidal maniac, he catches on fast.\
/Now look what you've done! If you'd left me alone, Malik and I could have just gone to a nice movie.../
\And you'd have spent the whole time fussing about whether you actually wanted to be holding hands with the pointy-haired stud or not. Quit nagging. At least this is interesting.\
/We're about to be relieved of *my* internal organs by a madman. And if we survive this, Malik is going to hate me! How is *that* interesting?!/
\Stifle, I'm trying to find an escape route. He's blocking the door, so...\
Yami no Malik went into a crouch, and Yami no Bakura lurched backwards.
\Oops, eh-heh, it looks like we may be out of options...\
Bakura, aware that damage to his body was probably going to hurt even when he wasn't in control, shut his eyes and whimpered.
BANG.
"Get OFF me, you cursed swine! Dung-sucking son of a camel!!"
"Oh, mother of Sekhmet...we have a problem."
"Bakura! Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?"
Bakura opened one eye and then the other, quickly becoming aware that he was now in full control of his body, which was lying flat on the floor. The worried faces of Honda and Yuugi stared down at him, and behind them, through the table legs, he could see Rishid wrestling a thrashing Yami no Malik to the ground. The commotion caused Yuugi to turn and look, and Bakura saw his cheek blanch.
"Uh, Rishid? Why isn't he, you know, turning back into normal Malik?"
"I'll explain later!" Rishid grunted, trying heroically to pry the knife from the psychopath's hands. "Yuugi, please, get Isis-sama! Honda, help me get his legs. We have to get him into the sitting-room."
Yuugi complied, darting around the struggling figures and out the library door. Honda paused a moment, looking down at Bakura, who nodded reassuringly.
"I'll be fine. Go help Rishid!"
As Honda tried to subdue the totally out of control Yami no Malik, who now appeared to be frothing at the mouth, Bakura got shakily to his feet.
/Koe?/
\What?\
/You went right back into the Ring when it looked like the other Malik was going to get us, didn't you?/
\...maybe.\
/All those warm fuzzies I started getting for you yesterday? They've all gone right out the window./
\Boo-hoo. It's called a sense of self-preservation, my snivelling host. If you had one, my life would be *much* easier...\
/You are an utter prick./ And Bakura shut off his contact with his dark side as Honda and Rishid finally managed to carry the kicking, cursing mou hitori no Malik out of the library, down the hallway, and into the adjacent room that served the Ishtar family as a rec room. In the hall, Bakura ran into Isis, who watched her older brother and Honda worriedly.
"Oh, no, not again...I'd better get the bungee cords."
"Isis, please, what's going on? Why did the other Malik come out...and for that matter, why isn't he gone now that Rishid is here?"
Isis motioned for Bakura to follow her as she made for a closet and began rooting around inside of it. "It's a little complicated, but I'd better explain. It seems that—ah, here they are!—that Rishid can contain Malik's dark side pretty much all the time, except when—hold these, please—someone tries to come on to Malik. Then the other Malik gets so angry that even Rishid can't seal him away. We only found this out a few months ago, when some man at a bar hit on him. By the time we found them, the man was, well, I'd better not tell you, it might make you ill. Anyways, this has happened a few times since then, but by trial and error, Rishid and I have figured out a way to subdue him—that's all the bungee cords, now please take them and...wait. You made advances on Malik?"
The older woman's stern gaze pinned Bakura, who shook his head vigorously and pointed at the Sennen Ring. "It wasn't me at all. It was him!"
\Traitor.\
/Like you're not one yourself./
Isis gazed pointedly at the Ring for a moment, and then addressed it in a loud, commanding voice. "I do not approve of older men making advances on my brother; and I approve even less of three thousand year old dead men making advances on my brother. Hands off, or I'll feed you to a typhonic beast." Then before Yami no Bakura could take over and make a snarky comment, she grabbed Bakura by the arm and tugged him down the hallway.
In the sitting room, Honda and Rishid were holding Yami no Malik down in a wooden chair with all their might. Yuugi was there, and trying to be helpful by clinging to the other Malik's legs. Isis entered and handed her bundle of bungee cords to Yuugi.
"Here, take these and tie him up. Bakura, you too, please."
Bakura tried, but every time he got close, Yami no Malik would surge up and try to bite him with furious energy. Eventually, Isis gave up and did it herself, and after a few minutes Yami no Malik was firmly bungee-d to the chair, with only Rishid holding his shoulders to make sure he didn't knock the chair right over. Honda took a deep breath.
"Phew! That was hard. So, what now, we just leave him there?"
\Mm, bondage. Wouldn't mind having Honda tied up in an adjacent chair, now, would you?\
/Remember what Isis said about the typhonic beasts? I'll take her up on it if you say one more word about Honda *or* Malik./
\Shutting up.\
"We most certainly don't," Rishid said shortly. "The cord might cut off Malik-sama's circulation."
"I'll cut off *your* circulation," Yami no Malik rumbled threateningly, "at the neck...hey...what the...?"
Isis had fished a VHS tape out of a box near the room's sole television, and was busily feeding it into the video recorder.
Yami no Malik went pale.
"That's not...what I think it is...?"
"It most certainly is," Isis said sternly, pushing in the tape and turning the volume on the television up.
Bakura watched in fascinated horror as Yami no Malik, quite possibly the most terrifying being he'd ever encountered, started to cringe and writhe, rocking back and forth on his chair as if to try to get away. Rishid, however, held him firmly, so he resorted to putting up a terrible howl. "No, you can't, you wouldn't!! How could you do this to meeee?!!"
Bakura, Honda, and Yuugi glanced at each other in apprehension. What was on that VHS that was so horrible that even Yami no Malik feared it?
Isis looked at her brother's fiendish other half with slight compassion. "It's for your own good." Then she turned the TV on. Bakura instinctively flinched and covered his eyes.
"Care Bear Count-Down! Four-Three-Two-One!"
Yami no Malik started making terrible strangled noises, as Honda unplugged his ears and stared blankly at the multitude of cheerful, brightly-coloured cartoon bears running around the screen. Yuugi, however, was watching the show with interest.
"Hey, I remember this! It's this old gaijin show I used to watch when I was little. Come to think of it," Yuugi added thoughtfully, "the dub was pretty lousy. The English version's a little better, now that I hear it..."
"YAAAARGLARGLEARGLE!!!!"
Honda, Yuugi, and Bakura's attention returned to Yami no Malik, who had slumped forwards in his bonds, his now-limp hair hanging over his face.
"Malik-sama?" Rishid asked, as he and Isis looked worriedly at the still figure.
"Rishid...please, untie me," came the small, weak reply. Rishid did so quickly, and he and Isis helped a decidedly shaken, and decidedly non- Yami Malik to his feet. The blond groaned softly and blinked.
"What—was...Bakura?"
"I'm sorry, Malik," Bakura said softly. The Egyptian managed a small smile.
"No, it's alright, it wasn't your fault at all, I know that. But I guess," he added with a sombre grin, "we'd better postpone that movie for a while, at least until I get the You-Know-What under control. Okay?"
"Okay," Bakura reassured him, returning the smile. Rishid lent the younger boy his shoulder and guided him carefully from the room.
"Come on, Malik-sama, let's get you some tea, and then you can rest for a while."
As soon as the two male Ishtars had left the room, Isis turned to Bakura. "Before you ask, yes, that was the way I was talking about before. Do you want to borrow the tape for a few days and see where it gets you?"
"Yes, thank you," Bakura replied quietly. As soon as Isis had left to follow her brothers, he turned to Yuugi and Honda.
"Um, sorry about all tha—"
"He asked you *out*?" Honda burst out suddenly. "Where does he get off?"
"Honda! I think that was nice of him," Yuugi protested.
"Yeah, real nice. It's no fair," Honda went on, frustration seeping into his voice, "*I* was gonna ask y..."
He stopped himself and looked over worriedly at Bakura, who smiled in spite of himself. "Well, I'm not busy tomorrow night..."
Honda blushed and got rather incoherent, muttering something about getting a couple of tickets to a Bruce Lee double bill, and wandered out into the hallway. Bakura watched him go with a smile still on his lips.
Yuugi grinned. "First Jounouchi and Kaiba, now you and Honda. The cute is everywhere."
"It'd be cuter if you finally got around to asking Anzu out," Bakura teased. Yuugi suddenly became as red and incoherent as Honda had been a moment ago, managing to calm himself only by asking, "So, er, what are you doing tonight that you can't go out with Honda?"
"I plan on trying out Isis', ah, unorthodox method of spirit- containment."
((TBC...))
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A/N: Finally, another chapter update. Yes, folks, the fic is almost done...in fact, it is, I'm just delaying posting the final chapter because I'm a review whore. Really. XD So thank you a thousand times to my long- suffering readers and reviewers, for being so patient (and for not flaming me for my crappy updating practices, yo). Big thanks to the oh-so-cool BLL, Toby Kikami, and Sailor Comet, who've been reviewing this mess since its conception, to the Mikan-imouto (ph33r the robot monkeys!), and to Sachi-chan, riskygamble, Cho-Joshi, and Elle-Fate 2x1.
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Ryou wandered down the hall containing the Egypt exhibits at the Domino Museum. Yuugi and Honda had agreed to accompany him, but they were the only ones, and they were currently inspecting an exhibit on woolly mammoths; Anzu had kindly taken the disappointed Miho out for ice cream, and Jounouchi and Kaiba were presumably still in the school parking lot, "settling the issue" of Jounouchi's mouth.
/He's probably found something else to do with his mouth,/ Ryou thought with a smile, picturing Jounouchi and Kaiba kissing.
\You think so, my host? You're naïve. Allow me to enlighten you.\ Before Ryou could stop him, Yami no Bakura promptly sent a series of images across their mental link that caused the gentler boy to turn bright red with embarrassment.
/KOE!! That's awful!!/
There was no reply, save a mental snicker from the former King of Thieves. Ryou felt his embarrassment turn to anger.
/Where'd you see that? Have you been swiping my body and watching late-night television?/
\No.\
/I ought to go home and wash the Ring out with soap...maybe that'll fix your dirty mind!/
\Look who's talking. I happen to know *exactly* where you keep that doujinshi stash of yours...\
Ryou made a faint "Peep!" noise and turned purple. /You didn't...!/
\Read them? No. I just happen to have first-hand experience in such matters, my wilfully ignorant host.\
/Not experience gained using MY body, I hope!!/
\Perhaps. You weren't very clear about Malik's and my arrangement, now, were you?\
Noting the malicious glee in his unwanted guest's voice, Ryou blanched. /A-are you telling me that you...and Malik...used MY body...to.../
\Do the nasty?\ Yami no Bakura's mental smirk grew more pronounced. \Well now, I think I'll leave that up to you to figure out.\
/I think I shall be ill./
\Oh, it was really quite fun, the time we spent together...there's this trick he does while he's bending over backwards, would you like to know...?\
/No!!/
Ryou tore down the hallway, past a pair of shocked security guards, and into the resident's wing of the museum. Grabbing the handle of the library door, he yanked it open and darted inside, slamming it shut angrily.
/Now be quiet, do you hear me?! Be QUIET!!/
There was a moment of surprised silence, followed by, \My...aren't we feisty today, my host? On you, it's rather attractive...\
/Just...just...please, be quiet and stop telling me things! I don't want to *know* what you've been doing to my body!!!/
"Is something wrong, Bakura?"
It took Ryou a minute or two to realize that the new voice was coming, not from inside his head, but from a table slightly to his left. He let go of the doorknob and turned to find a raven-haired, dark-skinned woman comfortably attired in a loose cotton dress, watching him with bright blue eyes from behind a veritable mountain of old books. On top of the largest pile of these (and there were several piles that completely concealed the table's surface), a mug of steaming tea was balanced precariously.
Ryou bowed hurriedly to the older woman, still more than slightly frazzled by Yami no Bakura's unwanted revelation. "Oh! Ah, hello, Miss Ishtar, erhm...no, no, nothing's wrong at all, I was just wondering if you and your, ah, brothers had a moment free to help me...with...uhm, I think your tea might be about to fall."
Isis Ishtar smiled briefly and waved a careless hand at him. "Not to worry, it'll be fine."
"Ah, no, I don't think it will be, see, it's tilting a bit like it's going to slide off that book—"
Ryou started towards the piece of crockery in question, not noticing the change in Isis' expression. A look of distress crossed the Egyptian's face, and she reached out an arm to stop Ryou.
"No, wait, really, it's alright, you really musn't..."
*CRASH!!*
Ryou yelped as hot tea spattered his hand and washed over the formerly spotless tiles of the library floor. Isis tut-tutted gently and handed him a glass of ice water and a roll of paper towels, both of which she had apparently had hidden among her forest of old books. Ryou held the ice against his hand and looked at her in astonishment. Isis smiled sadly.
"Oh dear, I was afraid that was going to happen."
Ryou blinked, then smiled as understanding dawned on him. "Of course, you foresaw it, didn't you?"
Isis blushed and shrugged, before settling back into her chair again. "Well, anyone with an ounce of common sense can tell if someone is about to blunder into something that might hurt them, but..."
"But you had a premonition that when I came here, I would spill your tea," Ryou finished for her.
"Yes. That's why I moved all the original volumes of Moliere over to the floor on this side. Although I'm sometimes incorrect about my predictions, now I'm missing the Tauk...you've heard of phantom limb syndrome? I think I've got something like that, little leftover repercussions from the Tauk itself." Isis looked regretful, for a moment, then her face brightened. "I thought I had been wrong when you came in and started talking about the tea. In fact, I *was*, in a way; my vision told me you would simply come running in, see the tea, and go for it without saying anything to me first."
Ryou couldn't help himself from staring. He had never met a psychic before who was *pleased* when her predictions were proved inaccurate, but then, Isis Ishtar was no run-of-the-mill fortune teller. Ever since she'd handed over the Sennen Tauk to Yuugi, post-Battle City, she'd seemed a great deal less depressed and solemn than she had beforehand. Malik also appeared to have benefited considerably from relinquishing the Sennen Rod, and a generally improved mood appeared to have spread throughout the whole (limited) Ishtar family.
\I noticed that a while ago, my host...once sources of stress are removed, the sex gets better, at least where dear little Malik is concerned...\
Ryou pointedly ignored the tomb robber's smirking comment, and returned his attention to Isis, who was speaking to him. "So, ahem, before the accident, you mentioned something about wanting to talk to my brothers."
"Yes...yes, actually. I was wondering, I mean, if it's not too sensitive a subject..."
"I'll warn you now," Isis said with a small smile, "Malik's still shy about the tattoo, so if you needed to read something off his back, I'm afraid—"
"No!" Ryou said a little too quickly, even as a mental image of a half-naked Malik in the midst of a make-out session with a certain tomb robber was forced into his mind, courtesy of his "guest". "No, I, um, was just wondering if they could give me some advice."
\Shy, is he? Hmph. Woman obviously doesn't know her brother as well as she thinks...he could hardly *wait* to take his shirt off the first time we...\
/Did I by any remote chance not ask you to SHUT. UP?/
Yami no Bakura was silent for a little while, then made whip-cracking noises with his mouth. Ryou tuned him out pointedly and tuned in to Isis.
"Advice about what? Wait...is it something to do with the yami no jinkaku?"
"As a matter of fact, it is."
"He's been harassing you, has he? And you'd like to find a way to seal him into the Ring permanently."
"Are you *certain* you handed the Tauk over to Yuugi?"
Isis blushed a bit. "Well, yes...but I'm not doing anything mystical. It's just simple deduction. I thought you'd come ask us about this sooner or later, you know."
"Ask us about what?"
Isis and Bakura turned to find Malik peering around the library door. The blond Egyptian's face brightened when he saw Bakura, and he slipped into the room, leaving the door ajar.
"Bakura, what brings you here?"
Bakura smiled warmly at Malik, then remembered himself and held the Ring up for inspection, wiggling it around and causing the pointy bits along its edge to jingle.
"I was hoping you might be able to help me with my...er...guest. He keeps popping out when he's not wanted."
Malik frowned slightly and glanced over at Isis. "Well, unless Honda feels like carving a sealing spell into his own face and then hanging around you night and day...I don't know. Isis?"
Isis rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Well, I don't know any *permanent* way of keeping him in there—remember, he is very powerful...but then again, there *might* be a way..."
\Very powerful is a bit of an understatement, you silly bint, considering I'm the bloody DARKNESS...\
Bakura twitched, feeling his temper rise, and to avoid a mental shouting match with his "guest", pointedly set up a block between them.
The erstwhile Thief King fell silent. Unfortunately, Bakura missed the annoyance smouldering from his dark guest's spirit, as he was paying attention to Isis, who looked as if she might be able to offer some useful advice. Just then, however, a crunch and a pained yelp sounded from directly upstairs, and everyone jumped. Isis looked upwards and grimaced.
"Ohh...that will be Rishid. I *told* him not to try to move so many books into his room at once! Malik, stay here with Bakura, please; I'll be right back!" Before either boy could protest, Isis was gone in a flurry of white cotton. Bakura turned back to Malik, who, the white-haired boy noticed with surprise, was fidgeting awkwardly and even—was he—blushing? Bakura was more than a little perplexed by this: he'd always thought of Malik as terribly self-possessed and cosmopolitan. However, the blond boy was clearly nervous, as indicated by the fact that he was picking nervously at the binding of a priceless book with his fingernail.
Suddenly Malik dropped the book, turned wide violet eyes on Bakura, and said a little breathlessly, "Um...can I ask you something, Bakura?"
"Yes, certainly," Bakura said, watching Malik curiously.
"Are you attracted to other boys?"
Bakura froze up. "I-er-um-ah...maybe?"
Malik's blush became a bit more evident, and his face softened. "Because, there's something I've been wanting to ask you about for a while..."
Honda's face popped into Bakura's mind almost instantly. /Oh, no, of all the times for my life to turn into some sort of bad romantic comedy...why now?/
\God hates you. But, as a certain stuck-up shirt-lifting former priest once said, if God is in your way...kick him in the nuts and walk right on by.\
Bakura barely had time to register that his other half was taking liberties with Kaiba's phrasing (and wonder where Yami no Bakura got off calling *Kaiba* "shirt-lifter), before the King of Thieves took over his body, and he found his mouth saying cheerfully to Malik Ishtar, "Say no more; I'd be perfectly happy to sleep with you."
Malik blinked in surprise, staring at the still innocently-smiling Ryou Bakura. Then he pressed his lips together in annoyance. "That was *not* what I was going to ask you. Is that your poor idea of a joke, Bakura?"
Yami no Bakura, still playing his host to the hilt, put on a quavery pout and let his eyes fill with tears. "So...you don't like me, then?"
"Ah...that's not what I meant," Malik said quickly, softening again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be unkind..."
/Malik!! I'm not *that* big of a wuss, and you of all people should know that!!/
\Hush, my noisy host. I'm trying to get us some hot Egyptian action; the least you could do is be grateful.\
/I like Malik as a *friend*...and I don't *want* hot Egyptian action, and judging from his reaction to that totally inappropriate proposal of yours, neither does Malik!/
\Feh...that's just because he doesn't know what he's missing yet.\
Bakura paused as the impact of the Thief King's statement hit him. /You big liar! You never slept with Malik, you just told me that to upset me!/
\Duh. If I were going to bang His Angstiness, I'd have made certain you were at least *watching*.\
/How very considerate of you. Now GIVE ME BACK MY BODY!!/
\Hmm...nah.\
"...but I definitely wasn't considering anything so, um, drastic," Malik went on, as the not-exactly-Bakura gave him the full Big Brown Eyes treatment. "I just wondered if you, you know, wanted to go out to a movie or something."
"Oh, that would be wonderful," Yami no Bakura chirped cheerfully, ignoring the gagging noises his host was making to him. Malik smiled, relieved that Bakura's rather odd behaviour of moments ago seemed to have been an anomaly.
His smile vanished as Bakura suddenly developed a predatory grin. "Bakura?"
The former King of Bandits leered at him. "Not exactly."
Before Malik could react, Yami no Bakura grabbed the blond boy by his hair and dragged him into a rather theatrical embrace, causing his host to panic.
/KOE!! What are you doing? Have you lost it?!!/
No answer, but Bakura was still privy to the whole dreadful scene, which included Malik making frantic noises of protest around the suddenly- stronger Yami no Bakura's invasive tongue, and said dark personality's furious groping of, well, just about any part of the young Egyptian's body he could get at.
/Koe, stop trying to shove your tongue down his throat...Oh, to Hell with it!/
With a supreme effort, Bakura seized control of his own arms, allowing Malik time to shove his assailant away. Yami no Bakura regained control instantly, and righted himself with a disgruntled snarl, glowered at Malik, who'd sensibly gotten on the other side of a library table from his would-be ravisher, and was staring at him, breathless, red, and decidedly angry.
"What...was...THAT?!"
Yami no Bakura assumed a disingenuous expression. "What was what?"
"Don't give me that, *you*," Malik snarled, trembling all over. "I thought you already understood that I *will not*...!"
"You seem to have no problem with getting involved with my host."
"Bakura is not a sociopath."
"Oh, and you're Little Mister Law-Abiding yourself?" Yami no Bakura sneered. Malik dropped his eyes and muttered something about being over that sort of thing. The Thief King's smirk broadened.
"I'll just bet you are. And you're not fooling me: the only reason you want the yadonushi is because he plays hard-to-get."
"Or *maybe* it's because he's a nice, kind person who doesn't try to grab me and force himself on me!" Malik snapped furiously, before hiding his face in his hands.
/Leave him alone, koe, you're upsetting him!/
\Phbbt. You know he wants it.\
/If he were a girl, you'd be in a jail cell right now. And you can say he wants it all you want, that doesn't change the fact that he obviously does *not!*/
\Blah blah blah on a bleeding heart. I don't actually *intend* to get with him, I'm just having a bit of fun.\
"Did you ever wonder *why* I was so all-fire eager to blow you to the Underworld with Ra, during the Battle Ship? *This* is why."
Yami no Bakura's attention went back to Malik...and he started. Malik's hair was standing straight up, his voice had taken on a decidedly eerie tone, and his—face—was starting to stretch around.
/Oh no./
"Well, look who's back, the King of Unusual Drugs," Yami no Bakura said, utterly unperturbed. "Got sick of moping around in the Shadows because the Pharaoh kicked your arse, did you? Or..." The Smirk returned. "Or are you here to take me up on my offer?"
"Hardly," purred Yami no Malik, as a few more veins bulged anew from his forehead. "I'm here to teach you to keep your grabby hands off my other self...and off of *me*, by extension."
"You, my friend, need therapy. And lots of tantric sex, if possible."
/Ah, Koe?/
\What?\
/That's mou hitori no Malik./
\So I noticed.\
/It looks like he wants to destroy *both* of us because *you* tried to molest his other half./
\...so?\
/If we live through this...which it is unlikely we will...I'm never opening another present from Tousan again. Straight into the garburator./
\Quit whining. I'm the Darkness, remember? He can't kill me.\
"Since I can't kill you...unfortunately...I think I'll just maim you horribly."
Yami no Bakura's eyes widened as Yami no Malik rummaged around in his pants pockets, and came up with a jackknife. The fiend stood quietly for a moment, contemplating the knife, and then Yami no Bakura's borrowed torso.
"I think I'll castrate you first...and then disembowel you. Then maybe I'll stick some flaming bamboo under your eyelids, just for fun."
\Uh, on second thought, maybe discretion is the better part of valour. For a homicidal maniac, he catches on fast.\
/Now look what you've done! If you'd left me alone, Malik and I could have just gone to a nice movie.../
\And you'd have spent the whole time fussing about whether you actually wanted to be holding hands with the pointy-haired stud or not. Quit nagging. At least this is interesting.\
/We're about to be relieved of *my* internal organs by a madman. And if we survive this, Malik is going to hate me! How is *that* interesting?!/
\Stifle, I'm trying to find an escape route. He's blocking the door, so...\
Yami no Malik went into a crouch, and Yami no Bakura lurched backwards.
\Oops, eh-heh, it looks like we may be out of options...\
Bakura, aware that damage to his body was probably going to hurt even when he wasn't in control, shut his eyes and whimpered.
BANG.
"Get OFF me, you cursed swine! Dung-sucking son of a camel!!"
"Oh, mother of Sekhmet...we have a problem."
"Bakura! Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?"
Bakura opened one eye and then the other, quickly becoming aware that he was now in full control of his body, which was lying flat on the floor. The worried faces of Honda and Yuugi stared down at him, and behind them, through the table legs, he could see Rishid wrestling a thrashing Yami no Malik to the ground. The commotion caused Yuugi to turn and look, and Bakura saw his cheek blanch.
"Uh, Rishid? Why isn't he, you know, turning back into normal Malik?"
"I'll explain later!" Rishid grunted, trying heroically to pry the knife from the psychopath's hands. "Yuugi, please, get Isis-sama! Honda, help me get his legs. We have to get him into the sitting-room."
Yuugi complied, darting around the struggling figures and out the library door. Honda paused a moment, looking down at Bakura, who nodded reassuringly.
"I'll be fine. Go help Rishid!"
As Honda tried to subdue the totally out of control Yami no Malik, who now appeared to be frothing at the mouth, Bakura got shakily to his feet.
/Koe?/
\What?\
/You went right back into the Ring when it looked like the other Malik was going to get us, didn't you?/
\...maybe.\
/All those warm fuzzies I started getting for you yesterday? They've all gone right out the window./
\Boo-hoo. It's called a sense of self-preservation, my snivelling host. If you had one, my life would be *much* easier...\
/You are an utter prick./ And Bakura shut off his contact with his dark side as Honda and Rishid finally managed to carry the kicking, cursing mou hitori no Malik out of the library, down the hallway, and into the adjacent room that served the Ishtar family as a rec room. In the hall, Bakura ran into Isis, who watched her older brother and Honda worriedly.
"Oh, no, not again...I'd better get the bungee cords."
"Isis, please, what's going on? Why did the other Malik come out...and for that matter, why isn't he gone now that Rishid is here?"
Isis motioned for Bakura to follow her as she made for a closet and began rooting around inside of it. "It's a little complicated, but I'd better explain. It seems that—ah, here they are!—that Rishid can contain Malik's dark side pretty much all the time, except when—hold these, please—someone tries to come on to Malik. Then the other Malik gets so angry that even Rishid can't seal him away. We only found this out a few months ago, when some man at a bar hit on him. By the time we found them, the man was, well, I'd better not tell you, it might make you ill. Anyways, this has happened a few times since then, but by trial and error, Rishid and I have figured out a way to subdue him—that's all the bungee cords, now please take them and...wait. You made advances on Malik?"
The older woman's stern gaze pinned Bakura, who shook his head vigorously and pointed at the Sennen Ring. "It wasn't me at all. It was him!"
\Traitor.\
/Like you're not one yourself./
Isis gazed pointedly at the Ring for a moment, and then addressed it in a loud, commanding voice. "I do not approve of older men making advances on my brother; and I approve even less of three thousand year old dead men making advances on my brother. Hands off, or I'll feed you to a typhonic beast." Then before Yami no Bakura could take over and make a snarky comment, she grabbed Bakura by the arm and tugged him down the hallway.
In the sitting room, Honda and Rishid were holding Yami no Malik down in a wooden chair with all their might. Yuugi was there, and trying to be helpful by clinging to the other Malik's legs. Isis entered and handed her bundle of bungee cords to Yuugi.
"Here, take these and tie him up. Bakura, you too, please."
Bakura tried, but every time he got close, Yami no Malik would surge up and try to bite him with furious energy. Eventually, Isis gave up and did it herself, and after a few minutes Yami no Malik was firmly bungee-d to the chair, with only Rishid holding his shoulders to make sure he didn't knock the chair right over. Honda took a deep breath.
"Phew! That was hard. So, what now, we just leave him there?"
\Mm, bondage. Wouldn't mind having Honda tied up in an adjacent chair, now, would you?\
/Remember what Isis said about the typhonic beasts? I'll take her up on it if you say one more word about Honda *or* Malik./
\Shutting up.\
"We most certainly don't," Rishid said shortly. "The cord might cut off Malik-sama's circulation."
"I'll cut off *your* circulation," Yami no Malik rumbled threateningly, "at the neck...hey...what the...?"
Isis had fished a VHS tape out of a box near the room's sole television, and was busily feeding it into the video recorder.
Yami no Malik went pale.
"That's not...what I think it is...?"
"It most certainly is," Isis said sternly, pushing in the tape and turning the volume on the television up.
Bakura watched in fascinated horror as Yami no Malik, quite possibly the most terrifying being he'd ever encountered, started to cringe and writhe, rocking back and forth on his chair as if to try to get away. Rishid, however, held him firmly, so he resorted to putting up a terrible howl. "No, you can't, you wouldn't!! How could you do this to meeee?!!"
Bakura, Honda, and Yuugi glanced at each other in apprehension. What was on that VHS that was so horrible that even Yami no Malik feared it?
Isis looked at her brother's fiendish other half with slight compassion. "It's for your own good." Then she turned the TV on. Bakura instinctively flinched and covered his eyes.
"Care Bear Count-Down! Four-Three-Two-One!"
Yami no Malik started making terrible strangled noises, as Honda unplugged his ears and stared blankly at the multitude of cheerful, brightly-coloured cartoon bears running around the screen. Yuugi, however, was watching the show with interest.
"Hey, I remember this! It's this old gaijin show I used to watch when I was little. Come to think of it," Yuugi added thoughtfully, "the dub was pretty lousy. The English version's a little better, now that I hear it..."
"YAAAARGLARGLEARGLE!!!!"
Honda, Yuugi, and Bakura's attention returned to Yami no Malik, who had slumped forwards in his bonds, his now-limp hair hanging over his face.
"Malik-sama?" Rishid asked, as he and Isis looked worriedly at the still figure.
"Rishid...please, untie me," came the small, weak reply. Rishid did so quickly, and he and Isis helped a decidedly shaken, and decidedly non- Yami Malik to his feet. The blond groaned softly and blinked.
"What—was...Bakura?"
"I'm sorry, Malik," Bakura said softly. The Egyptian managed a small smile.
"No, it's alright, it wasn't your fault at all, I know that. But I guess," he added with a sombre grin, "we'd better postpone that movie for a while, at least until I get the You-Know-What under control. Okay?"
"Okay," Bakura reassured him, returning the smile. Rishid lent the younger boy his shoulder and guided him carefully from the room.
"Come on, Malik-sama, let's get you some tea, and then you can rest for a while."
As soon as the two male Ishtars had left the room, Isis turned to Bakura. "Before you ask, yes, that was the way I was talking about before. Do you want to borrow the tape for a few days and see where it gets you?"
"Yes, thank you," Bakura replied quietly. As soon as Isis had left to follow her brothers, he turned to Yuugi and Honda.
"Um, sorry about all tha—"
"He asked you *out*?" Honda burst out suddenly. "Where does he get off?"
"Honda! I think that was nice of him," Yuugi protested.
"Yeah, real nice. It's no fair," Honda went on, frustration seeping into his voice, "*I* was gonna ask y..."
He stopped himself and looked over worriedly at Bakura, who smiled in spite of himself. "Well, I'm not busy tomorrow night..."
Honda blushed and got rather incoherent, muttering something about getting a couple of tickets to a Bruce Lee double bill, and wandered out into the hallway. Bakura watched him go with a smile still on his lips.
Yuugi grinned. "First Jounouchi and Kaiba, now you and Honda. The cute is everywhere."
"It'd be cuter if you finally got around to asking Anzu out," Bakura teased. Yuugi suddenly became as red and incoherent as Honda had been a moment ago, managing to calm himself only by asking, "So, er, what are you doing tonight that you can't go out with Honda?"
"I plan on trying out Isis', ah, unorthodox method of spirit- containment."
((TBC...))
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A/N: Finally, another chapter update. Yes, folks, the fic is almost done...in fact, it is, I'm just delaying posting the final chapter because I'm a review whore. Really. XD So thank you a thousand times to my long- suffering readers and reviewers, for being so patient (and for not flaming me for my crappy updating practices, yo). Big thanks to the oh-so-cool BLL, Toby Kikami, and Sailor Comet, who've been reviewing this mess since its conception, to the Mikan-imouto (ph33r the robot monkeys!), and to Sachi-chan, riskygamble, Cho-Joshi, and Elle-Fate 2x1.