*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original
characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.
*A/N: Hey, I know that it has been two weeks since I updated, but the chapter gave me some problems. No writer's block or anything, just certain parts or........okay, I just wanted everything to be like I wanted them to be. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter.
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)
Jess was lying on his bed. It was still early. The sun was set low on the horizon and was aiming its rays onto the wall across from his bed. They were creating a variety of different shapes on the wall. Shapes he had to give a name and definition, otherwise they would just remain unidentified and non-existent. It was a game he would play when he was younger. Every morning he would awake early, but he could almost never leave his room before it was twelve PM, because he would never know in what state his mother would be, or her boyfriend for that matter. So, he would lay in his room until the shapes had reached the beginning of the ceiling. That was the sign for him to get up, knowing that the morning had just shifted into noon.
Except here, in Stars Hollow, in Luke's diner, he didn't have to wait until noon to get out of bed, although he often did, just to frustrate Luke, since he knew that his regular shift had just started two or three hours ago. He actually didn't mind the early hours. He always awoke at nine in the morning and could never go back to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He was an early bird, just like his uncle, something he was willing to deny and take with him to the grave. It were the people in the diner that made him want to go back up to the apartment. They were always so cheerful, as if every day was miracle, a new chance. And maybe it was, but lately every day seemed like a routine that got more tiring with every day that passed.
When Rory still lived here, they always seemed to have places to go and time to spend in a bookstore. Her company had made his daily life more exciting. And even in the period when they hadn't been talking to each other, they would still occasionally bump into each other at familiar places. Their game of hide and seek had loosened up the tight knots of the routinary day and made it just a little more than ordinary. It had been somewhat of a challenge, but now life was too easy, and dull. Every day was the same. He would work a couple of hours in the diner and then spend the rest of the day reading. Jess knew that he could do more. He was smart enough to get a better job than working in his uncle's diner, but that would mean that he would have to leave Stars Hollow..... Something he had done a few times before, but eventually he always ended up here.
Jess sighed and reached for this morning's edition of 'Tick of Time'. The fact that he didn't have to go out and get the paper himself had probably been a courtesy of Luke's not so subtle observatory skills. But Jess was grateful nonetheless. As soon as he touched the paper his mind subconsciously traveled back to the phone call he had had with Rory yesterday. He had changed the dialogue of that particular conversation more than a few times. It would suddenly become more meaningful and deep and it would end with Rory telling him that she missed him. But he would always be pulled back into reality when he remembered how their conversation had come to and abrupt end when she had all of a sudden just hung up on him without further explanation. The dialing tone had sounded harsh in his ears, like she had finally chosen to disconnect him from her life forever. It was understandable that she had chosen Joey over him, since he was her husband, but it still hit a distant nerve.
He unfolded the paper and immediately flipped it open to the page where her daily confession was printed.
''The past..... it's always there, reminding us of our mistakes and every single lesson we have learned, either the easy or the hard way. Most of mine were learned the hard way, which make the memories even more vivid, but also regretful. If I could control the hands of time, I would turn them back so I could undo some of my choices, in the hope of not making as many mistakes. I would have also done a lot of things differently. I would have been more forgiving towards certain people. People I used to see every day. People I used to know, and understand....... I blame no one but myself for letting an old flame die and not trying as hard as I should have.''
He had been willing to put up a struggle to discover the deeper meaning that was hidden between the lines, but the walls of the message almost immediately crumbled when he read the last sentence. Rory had always been good at expressing her feelings verbally, but when she decided to write them down, they became self-explanatory most of the time. The message filled him with hope, but made him lose faith at the same time. She obviously regretted not trying as hard to reach him and let him be, but the reality behind the message was that she had indeed moved on. She had move on, not with him, but with someone who didn't necessarily loved her more, but did understand her better and was willing to answer more of her questions than he had done.
In the back of his mind there was also the possibility that Rory wasn't even talking about him in her most recent confession, but since he couldn't remember her ever telling him about an ex-boyfriend or another crush, he just assumed that she was referring to him. Maybe he had it all wrong, but he needed to tell himself a white lie in order to find the courage that he needed for his next action.
He dropped the paper onto the floor and reached for the phone. He sat up straight and rested back against the headboard, a position he had found himself in whenever he had made one of his calls to Rory. He dialed the number of the home she now shared with Joey, only knowing it because everyone at the wedding had gotten a small card with their address and phone number. The small white card he used as a bookmark, which reminded him constantly of the torture he was putting himself through by a decision he had made himself. Right now he was willing to admit that he had been wrong and break the agreement that he and Rory had made on the day of her wedding. He wanted a new start, another chance at a renewed friendship with her, even though he knew that it would only complicate things between them, just like the phone call he was making right now. He was about to take things out of perspective.
He brought the phone to his ear and waited, anxiously. When someone picked up after the fourth ring, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulder, because he wouldn't be able to turn back now.
''Hello?''
When Jess recognized Joey's voice he felt slightly disappointed, but also relieved, because it gave him a few more seconds to think things through. What did he really want?
''Can I speak to Rory?''
''May I ask who's calling?''
''Jess, Jess Mariano,'' he quickly added, realizing that he wasn't even sure if Joey could tag the name to his face.
''I'm sorry, but she's not here. You want me to give her a message?''
''No, thanks anyway,'' Jess said, before quickly hanging up.
He was almost sure that he had heard the shower running in the background, which would have been evidence of the fact that she had indeed been there. Joey's slightly bitter tone just added to Jess's suspicion. He had heard the struggle it took Joey to remain from asking him why he was calling. Either Rory had told them about their past and he had been so curt, because he didn't trust Jess's intentions, or Joey had no clue of the relationship he had a couple of years ago with his wife. Jess knew that he had probably gotten Rory into some trouble, but he wasn't worried. If Joey and Rory's relationship was as strong as it seemed to be, it wouldn't budge at this small detail.
*~*~*
''Who was that?'' Rory asked, as she came out of the bathroom, aware of how familiar that question sounded.
''Oh, just a wrong number,'' Joey said, as he hung up the phone while carelessly shrugging his shoulders.
He looked over at Rory, who was now standing in front of the closet, dressed in only her underwear and a white blouse. He caught a reflection of her in the mirror, which was placed on one of the closet doors, and couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she looked. Even with her hair tousled and no make-up to cover, what she called, her zombie skin, simply because it was just slightly lighter than most of the people she knew. He found the color delicate, one that went perfectly with the soft pink color of her lips and the faint blush on her cheeks. He had told her that a million times, but still she complained, when she had to know by now that he loved her the way she was. He never aimed for perfection, because he knew that that was impossible, although Rory came close enough.
She was so genuine and concerned, with worrying about silly little things throughout the entire day. And he felt bad for lying to her about the phone call, but she hadn't been completely honest with him either. He knew that she was hiding something, although he didn't exactly know what. He did know that it involved Jess. It was still unclear who he was and what his role was in the life of his wife. But when he had started about one of her friends at the wedding during dinner last night, she had immediately assumed that he had been talking about Jess and had therefore taken the bate and given him reason to doubt. He wanted to know who this Jess Mariano was. He wanted her to tell him in her own words who was trying to reach out for her.....
Joey walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist, causing Rory to gasp in surprise, because she hadn't been paying attention to his presence. She had been too busy looking for her favorite pair of jeans. The ones that she had had for over 6 years, but still didn't want to throw away, simply because they were just right. Not too tight just casually comfortable enough. And they made her feel better about herself, no matter how strange that might sound. Rory smiled and placed her hands on the top of his arms, appreciating his intimate gesture. This was something he would do several times a day. He would just walk up to her and hug her, letting her know that he appreciated her. And that was something she needed right now, no matter how selfish that sounded. But Joey's next words made her feel just that, selfish and guilty, causing her smile to falter.
''Tell me about Jess,'' was his sudden request, one that made Rory's blue eyes search for his, as if she wanted to be sure that she had heard the question correctly.
''Why?''
Joey shrugged, as he pulled her closer and rested his head on her shoulder. ''He's a part of your past and I want to know as much about it as I can, because it's a part of you.'' Joey paused long enough to place a kiss at the nape of her neck, before continuing. ''I've been honest with you.''
Rory nodded. She knew how persistent he was and how he would tempt her into telling him by seducing her with his soft lips and gentle fingers until she would close her eyes and tell him anything he wanted to know. She had been drawn to him from the moment she had seen him, but it was his irresistable way of touching her and making her feel loved, that had finally dragged her down completely.
''What do you wanna know?''
''How did you two meet?'' Joey whispered against her ear, causing Rory to shiver unwillingly, because she didn't want to give in to the power he had over her, although she did.
''He moved to Stars Hollow...........and the first time we met I noticed that he had an interest in books too, and after that we just.........''
''You just what?'' Joey asked, knowing fully well that he had distracted her and had caused her gasp of surprise when he had slid his hands down to the bare skin of her hips and pulled her closer.
''.......we started to talk a lot and discovered that we had a lot in common, liked the same books........''
''More in common than with me?'' Joey interrupted skillfully, as he drew little circles on her hips, before tightening his grip on them. He tightened them until a painful sensation went through Rory, one she didn't find pleasant at all.
''We didn't always get along. We had a lot of fights. He's not so talkative and just as stubborn as me, so we had our shares of collisions.'' Rory said, choosing purposely not to answer the question, because she didn't know what she would tell him.
It was true that she had more in common with Jess than she had with Joey, but she liked to believe that opposites did attract, because otherwise her relationship with Jess wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. They had a lot of things in common, but their personalities clashed, which had been an issue ever since their first conversation.
''Sounds like you knew him well?'' Joey gently pushed.
Rory hesitantly nodded, as she met his eyes in the mirror, although they were hooded beneath his lashes. Something he did when he wasn't sure how to feel about a certain situation.
''Yeah, we spend a lot of time.......together.'' she carefully said, not wanting to tell a lie more than was needed.
''As friends?'' Joey asked, while he unclasped his hands and pulled them back, leaving Rory feeling even more guilty than she already did.
She swallowed the clump in her throat before answering, knowing that it shouldn't be such a big deal to tell him, especially since Jess wasn't her main priority anymore. He was.....
''We dated for a while,'' she answered, while she tried to lock eyes with him in the mirror, but not managing too.
''What happened?'' Joey asked, while he crossed his arms, something he did when he was curious.
Rory shrugged, trying to make her next words come out more casual than they really were. Pretending that she was completely over the situation.
''One day he just left, without a word.''
''Were you upset?'' Joey asked, wanting to understand what Rory must have gone through, while he was desperately trying to contain the jealousy that was beginning to rise inside of him.
''Yeah, we didn't talk for a while.''
''What made you tell him about the wedding?''
''Well, it was my big day and we are.......were, are,'' Rory said, not knowing what she and Jess were anymore. ''......are friends. And I wanted all my friends to be there on my big day and celebrate it with me. Besides, maybe I wanted to show him that I have gotten over everything.''
''Have you?'' Joey asked calmly.
''Of course.''
''Then why didn't you tell me about him?''
''Because it didn't seem important. He decided that we should take a break from each other, create some distance between each other and I accepted. Why tell you about someone who I hardly see anymore?'' Rory innocently finished, before a silence wrapped around them like a cloak.
She turned around to fully face him, while she waited for his response.
''Do you still care about him?'' Joey finally asked.
''As much as I care about my other friends.''
''So, the article you wrote for your confession column had nothing to do with him?''
Rory's eyes became bigger, she was scared at how close Joey was coming to the core of her emotions.
''I mean, was he your only boyfriend, before me?'' he continued.
''Yeah, if you could call him that,'' Rory quickly added, trying to reassure him.
''Then the old flame you were referring to in your article wasn't Jess?''
''I thought you didn't read those?''
Joey shrugged. ''They never seemed interesting enough. So, tell me, were you referring to Jess?''
Rory sighed. ''Joey, come on.........''
''How come you can't give me a straight answer, Ror?''
Rory sighed and ran a hand through her hair. ''Yes! I was referring to Jess, but only because he was the only boyfriend I have had in my past and I was talking about my past..........''
''And you had to talk about him?'' Joey asked, raising an eyebrow.
''I........... I don't know what to say,'' Rory started. ''It's just an article, to entertain people, win readers, it's very commercial.''
''So you make all of those confessions up?''
''Well, no.''
Joey nodded. ''Then I guess we're done talking.''
As another brief silence took over them, Rory leaned back against the mirror, while her eyes held Joey's hidden ones, wondered what he was going to do next.
''He called.''
''Who?'' Rory asked, playing dumb, for Joey's sake.
''Jess,'' Joey calmly said, before turning around and leaving the bedroom.
*~*~*
Jess fished a cigarette out of the front pocket of his jeans, where he always kept a cigarette just in case he had one of his bad days. He hardly ever smoked anymore, but every now and then he still lit up. When he was all alone, just because it was a hard habit to let go off and sometimes he just wanted to feel the taste of nicotine in his mouth, and blow out the smoke in a long puff, because it was something that relaxed him.
He took his lighter out and lit the cigarette, which he had already taken a drag off before he had even placed the lighter back into his pocket. As he exhaled he started to walk over to the middle of the bridge, aware of the way the boards creaked underneath his weight. Over the years the bridge had slowly decayed. The wood had rotted and would creak if so much as a leave fell onto it. Taylor had tried raising money to repair the bridge a few times, but the money always went to some other cause, one that was much more important to everyone else in the town. Only he and Rory knew the beauty of this place and the serenity it had handed them on a silver platter, time and time again.
He still came here to read and relive some of his most precious memories. Memories of him and Rory, which only made his aching for her worse, but he couldn't bare to stay away either. He took another long drag and looked down at the spot beside him. He studied it carefully, like there was something there that only he could see. And in a way there was. It was a creation of his mind, one that had been real years ago. One that still made him smile.
*Flashback*
He had been watching her for a while now. She was sitting in the middle of the bridge, with her legs hanging over the edge of the bridge. She had taken off her shoes a while ago and they were now resting next to her, looking so out of place underneath the weeping willows and on the wooden boards. Just like she did. Her appearance didn't suit her surroundings, although it did make for an unforgettable picture. She was wearing a bridesmaid dress in a light pink color that only accentuated her natural beauty and breathtaking eyes. Its long skirt was rustling in the wind as it blew around her legs, mimicking her curled strands of hair, which were flying across her face. Yet she didn't make any attempt to tuck them behind her ears. Instead her hands were both placed flatly on the rough wood of the bridge beside her.
The sun was setting and the early evening sky almost matched the color of her dress perfectly. Music was playing in the background and the excited screams of young women were heard as Sookie threw the bouquet. A site Rory hadn't wanted to miss, but for some reason she felt drawn to this place on this particular night. Perhaps because she wanted to think of a certain picnic she had had on this same spot, or maybe she just wanted some time alone to think of everything. But it was clear to her that something different was hanging in the air, like the scent of rain that she could smell hours before it actually started to pour down.
The unexplainable feeling was making her nervous, although Jess couldn't tell, from where he had been standing all this time. In his eyes she looked beautiful and more grown up than she usually did. He knew that it was the dress which added a few years to her actual age and although she look bewitching, just sitting there while the wind was toying with her hair, he preferred the subtle beauty that normally enchanted her, because it brought even more focus onto her eyes, which were what had attracted him to her in the first place. It gave him the belief that she could look right through him, when really she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to or tried.
He approached the bridge quietly, but as soon as he had set his first step onto the bridge, he knew that she had already heard his footsteps and it was no surprise when she turned her head and searched for his figure in the owl-light. When she recognized his dark eyes and intimidating figure, a light smile glorified her. Although surprise could be seen in her eyes, her smile never faltered as he slowly took a few more steps towards her.
''What are you doing here?''
Jess shrugged, as he lowered himself down to her height and sat down, his legs mimicking hers, although hers seemed more elegant in this position. He caught a glimpse of the milky white skin of her legs as the wind lifted her dress just a couple of inches, but before he could let himself get too distracted, he brought his eyes up to hers.
''New York didn't work out.''
''So, you're staying?'' Rory asked, as she held his gaze.
Jess nodded. ''If you don't mind, of course.''
Rory's smile widened and became more genuine and clear to Jess, which softened his own expression. ''I'm glad you're back.''
Rory paused just long enough for the wind to make its presence clear. ''I missed you.''
She briefly lowered her eyes, before bringing them up to Jess's again, curious about the sincerity in his eyes, which shone through with a great intensity.
''What?'' she self-consciously asked.
''You look beautiful,'' Jess said, causing Rory to blush and lower her gaze once again.
Jess saw this as an opportunity to lean in and place his lips lightly against hers. Rory's eyes shot up to his and for a second he saw the panic arise in her expression, but it subsided quickly and she pressed his lips against his. Jess enjoyed how she carefully took the lead and let him know that she didn't want to move too fast. After a few more seconds her eyes fell closed, but his didn't. He just wanted to enjoy the beauty of this night, of this moment, with her.
*End of Flashback*
Jess unconsciously licked his lips as he threw his cigarette in the water, knowing that it wouldn't help him relax, not after this particular memory. One of the first he had stored and learned to treasure, even now. He wanted to slip his hands in his back pockets, but was stopped by the paperback that was occupying one of them. Immediately he pulled it out and flipped it open to the page where he left off. He could easily find it, because of the white card he had placed between the pages earlier. He stared at it for a while, before taking it and closing his book.
*~*~*
Rory was lying on the bed, with the phone in her hands, wondering if she should call him or not. She knew that she probably shouldn't call, because things would get even more difficult and unsolvable if she did, between her and Joey as well as between her and Jess. If she wanted to keep her marriage out of dangerous waters she would erase Jess's number from her memory and never think of him again, never look back at their past together, but for some reason she couldn't, stay away from him. Her mind was always reaching out for his image, even when she was with Joey. Which wasn't fair towards him, she knew and understood that, but yet she couldn't control her mind, not when it came to Jess.
She loved Joey, she really did. He had been a great boyfriend and as a husband he was even more amazing and understandable, but not of this situation that they were in right now, and she couldn't blame him. If she loved him like she thought she did, then she shouldn't be thinking of Jess. Maybe she was just thinking of him so much, because they hadn't had a decent conversation in a while, because they couldn't look each other in the eyes without seeing what they both had lost.
Rory sighed as she lightly grazed the numbers on the phone. She had the urge to adjust just a little more pressure so the number of Luke's diner would appear in the small screen, and eventually the same thing that was holding her back, finally pushed her to dial the number and make the call.
''Yeah? ........ Right, I mean, Luke's diner, yeah?''
''Sorry about hanging op on you,'' Rory blurted out, as soon as she recognized Jess's voice.
''I was the one who wanted some space, right?'' Jess almost immediately responded, not wanting her to know how surprised he was at her call.
''What if I don't want that anymore?'' Rory asked, as she lead their conversation even deeper.
''Rory...........''
''I mean, you practically made the decision by yourself and gave me absolutely no say in the entire matter. And I feel like I should have a say, cause we're still friends, right?'' she asked carefully.
''Yes, we're still friends.''
''Then why............''
''Cause I thought that that was what we both needed,'' Jess interrupted.
''Right, a break after not talking to each other for a long time.''
''So, I'm guessing you're not agreeing with me on that one anymore, huh?''
Rory sighed. ''I don't mind giving you your space. I do think we need that every now and then, but I just want to be able to call you and not feel guilty about it, cause we agreed on.......that.''
''I told you that you could call me whenever you wanted,'' Jess gently pointed out.
''It's still not the same.''
Jess took a few seconds of silence to think about her comment before responding. ''Okay.''
''Okay.''
They remained quiet for a while, both glad about their decision. Mutual this time.
''Jess, why did you call earlier?''
''Same reason as you, I guess.''
''Luke not talkative enough for you? Cause to be honest, you two seem to be the perfect verbal partners. You don't talk a lot either.''
''It depends on the subject,'' he said.
''Right.''
Rory smiled at how easily they had fallen back into the same routine as when they were friends.
''So, your mom misses you,'' Jess announced, causing Rory's smile to disappear.
''I call her often.''
''She mentioned that, but I think she misses having you around.''
''I know.'' Rory paused. ''But.......I wanna visit, but now isn't such a great time for me.''
''How come?''
''Uhm, would you mind if I..........''
''No, it's personal, I apologize,'' Jess quickly said, before he would find himself in waters that were just a little too deep for him.
''Thanks. Listen, I have some more things to do, so..........''
''Yeah, okay. It was good having a normal conversation again,'' Jess admitted, surprised at his own honesty.
''Yeah, we'll try that again soon, since the blocks are off and all.''
''Rory, I'm not sure if......... Joey will appreciate that.''
''I'll talk to him. We're friends,'' she responded, giving him the answer he was looking for, but not quite.
''Yeah, then I guess I'll talk to you later.''
''Yeah, tell Luke I said hi, okay?''
''Will do,'' Jess remarked, signaling the end of the conversation.
''Bye.''
Rory hung up and turned her head so she could see the spot she was aiming the phone at. But the phone ended up on the floor when she saw Joey standing in the door frame, his eyes gleaming with an emotion she had never seen in his eyes before, jealousy. He didn't say anything as he turned around and left the room, once again. Moments later she could hear the door slam. Her perfection was slowly crumbling.....
*R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please? :-) All I have to say is that I am kinda proud of this story, although it might be a little over-descriptive, but I'm still trying to find a balance. And I hope people are still reading, and most importantly, reading this. Thank you to you who reviewed my last chapter. Your opinions were very helpful and I'm trying to work on.......well, everything basically. :-)
*A/N: Hey, I know that it has been two weeks since I updated, but the chapter gave me some problems. No writer's block or anything, just certain parts or........okay, I just wanted everything to be like I wanted them to be. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter.
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)
Jess was lying on his bed. It was still early. The sun was set low on the horizon and was aiming its rays onto the wall across from his bed. They were creating a variety of different shapes on the wall. Shapes he had to give a name and definition, otherwise they would just remain unidentified and non-existent. It was a game he would play when he was younger. Every morning he would awake early, but he could almost never leave his room before it was twelve PM, because he would never know in what state his mother would be, or her boyfriend for that matter. So, he would lay in his room until the shapes had reached the beginning of the ceiling. That was the sign for him to get up, knowing that the morning had just shifted into noon.
Except here, in Stars Hollow, in Luke's diner, he didn't have to wait until noon to get out of bed, although he often did, just to frustrate Luke, since he knew that his regular shift had just started two or three hours ago. He actually didn't mind the early hours. He always awoke at nine in the morning and could never go back to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He was an early bird, just like his uncle, something he was willing to deny and take with him to the grave. It were the people in the diner that made him want to go back up to the apartment. They were always so cheerful, as if every day was miracle, a new chance. And maybe it was, but lately every day seemed like a routine that got more tiring with every day that passed.
When Rory still lived here, they always seemed to have places to go and time to spend in a bookstore. Her company had made his daily life more exciting. And even in the period when they hadn't been talking to each other, they would still occasionally bump into each other at familiar places. Their game of hide and seek had loosened up the tight knots of the routinary day and made it just a little more than ordinary. It had been somewhat of a challenge, but now life was too easy, and dull. Every day was the same. He would work a couple of hours in the diner and then spend the rest of the day reading. Jess knew that he could do more. He was smart enough to get a better job than working in his uncle's diner, but that would mean that he would have to leave Stars Hollow..... Something he had done a few times before, but eventually he always ended up here.
Jess sighed and reached for this morning's edition of 'Tick of Time'. The fact that he didn't have to go out and get the paper himself had probably been a courtesy of Luke's not so subtle observatory skills. But Jess was grateful nonetheless. As soon as he touched the paper his mind subconsciously traveled back to the phone call he had had with Rory yesterday. He had changed the dialogue of that particular conversation more than a few times. It would suddenly become more meaningful and deep and it would end with Rory telling him that she missed him. But he would always be pulled back into reality when he remembered how their conversation had come to and abrupt end when she had all of a sudden just hung up on him without further explanation. The dialing tone had sounded harsh in his ears, like she had finally chosen to disconnect him from her life forever. It was understandable that she had chosen Joey over him, since he was her husband, but it still hit a distant nerve.
He unfolded the paper and immediately flipped it open to the page where her daily confession was printed.
''The past..... it's always there, reminding us of our mistakes and every single lesson we have learned, either the easy or the hard way. Most of mine were learned the hard way, which make the memories even more vivid, but also regretful. If I could control the hands of time, I would turn them back so I could undo some of my choices, in the hope of not making as many mistakes. I would have also done a lot of things differently. I would have been more forgiving towards certain people. People I used to see every day. People I used to know, and understand....... I blame no one but myself for letting an old flame die and not trying as hard as I should have.''
He had been willing to put up a struggle to discover the deeper meaning that was hidden between the lines, but the walls of the message almost immediately crumbled when he read the last sentence. Rory had always been good at expressing her feelings verbally, but when she decided to write them down, they became self-explanatory most of the time. The message filled him with hope, but made him lose faith at the same time. She obviously regretted not trying as hard to reach him and let him be, but the reality behind the message was that she had indeed moved on. She had move on, not with him, but with someone who didn't necessarily loved her more, but did understand her better and was willing to answer more of her questions than he had done.
In the back of his mind there was also the possibility that Rory wasn't even talking about him in her most recent confession, but since he couldn't remember her ever telling him about an ex-boyfriend or another crush, he just assumed that she was referring to him. Maybe he had it all wrong, but he needed to tell himself a white lie in order to find the courage that he needed for his next action.
He dropped the paper onto the floor and reached for the phone. He sat up straight and rested back against the headboard, a position he had found himself in whenever he had made one of his calls to Rory. He dialed the number of the home she now shared with Joey, only knowing it because everyone at the wedding had gotten a small card with their address and phone number. The small white card he used as a bookmark, which reminded him constantly of the torture he was putting himself through by a decision he had made himself. Right now he was willing to admit that he had been wrong and break the agreement that he and Rory had made on the day of her wedding. He wanted a new start, another chance at a renewed friendship with her, even though he knew that it would only complicate things between them, just like the phone call he was making right now. He was about to take things out of perspective.
He brought the phone to his ear and waited, anxiously. When someone picked up after the fourth ring, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulder, because he wouldn't be able to turn back now.
''Hello?''
When Jess recognized Joey's voice he felt slightly disappointed, but also relieved, because it gave him a few more seconds to think things through. What did he really want?
''Can I speak to Rory?''
''May I ask who's calling?''
''Jess, Jess Mariano,'' he quickly added, realizing that he wasn't even sure if Joey could tag the name to his face.
''I'm sorry, but she's not here. You want me to give her a message?''
''No, thanks anyway,'' Jess said, before quickly hanging up.
He was almost sure that he had heard the shower running in the background, which would have been evidence of the fact that she had indeed been there. Joey's slightly bitter tone just added to Jess's suspicion. He had heard the struggle it took Joey to remain from asking him why he was calling. Either Rory had told them about their past and he had been so curt, because he didn't trust Jess's intentions, or Joey had no clue of the relationship he had a couple of years ago with his wife. Jess knew that he had probably gotten Rory into some trouble, but he wasn't worried. If Joey and Rory's relationship was as strong as it seemed to be, it wouldn't budge at this small detail.
*~*~*
''Who was that?'' Rory asked, as she came out of the bathroom, aware of how familiar that question sounded.
''Oh, just a wrong number,'' Joey said, as he hung up the phone while carelessly shrugging his shoulders.
He looked over at Rory, who was now standing in front of the closet, dressed in only her underwear and a white blouse. He caught a reflection of her in the mirror, which was placed on one of the closet doors, and couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she looked. Even with her hair tousled and no make-up to cover, what she called, her zombie skin, simply because it was just slightly lighter than most of the people she knew. He found the color delicate, one that went perfectly with the soft pink color of her lips and the faint blush on her cheeks. He had told her that a million times, but still she complained, when she had to know by now that he loved her the way she was. He never aimed for perfection, because he knew that that was impossible, although Rory came close enough.
She was so genuine and concerned, with worrying about silly little things throughout the entire day. And he felt bad for lying to her about the phone call, but she hadn't been completely honest with him either. He knew that she was hiding something, although he didn't exactly know what. He did know that it involved Jess. It was still unclear who he was and what his role was in the life of his wife. But when he had started about one of her friends at the wedding during dinner last night, she had immediately assumed that he had been talking about Jess and had therefore taken the bate and given him reason to doubt. He wanted to know who this Jess Mariano was. He wanted her to tell him in her own words who was trying to reach out for her.....
Joey walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist, causing Rory to gasp in surprise, because she hadn't been paying attention to his presence. She had been too busy looking for her favorite pair of jeans. The ones that she had had for over 6 years, but still didn't want to throw away, simply because they were just right. Not too tight just casually comfortable enough. And they made her feel better about herself, no matter how strange that might sound. Rory smiled and placed her hands on the top of his arms, appreciating his intimate gesture. This was something he would do several times a day. He would just walk up to her and hug her, letting her know that he appreciated her. And that was something she needed right now, no matter how selfish that sounded. But Joey's next words made her feel just that, selfish and guilty, causing her smile to falter.
''Tell me about Jess,'' was his sudden request, one that made Rory's blue eyes search for his, as if she wanted to be sure that she had heard the question correctly.
''Why?''
Joey shrugged, as he pulled her closer and rested his head on her shoulder. ''He's a part of your past and I want to know as much about it as I can, because it's a part of you.'' Joey paused long enough to place a kiss at the nape of her neck, before continuing. ''I've been honest with you.''
Rory nodded. She knew how persistent he was and how he would tempt her into telling him by seducing her with his soft lips and gentle fingers until she would close her eyes and tell him anything he wanted to know. She had been drawn to him from the moment she had seen him, but it was his irresistable way of touching her and making her feel loved, that had finally dragged her down completely.
''What do you wanna know?''
''How did you two meet?'' Joey whispered against her ear, causing Rory to shiver unwillingly, because she didn't want to give in to the power he had over her, although she did.
''He moved to Stars Hollow...........and the first time we met I noticed that he had an interest in books too, and after that we just.........''
''You just what?'' Joey asked, knowing fully well that he had distracted her and had caused her gasp of surprise when he had slid his hands down to the bare skin of her hips and pulled her closer.
''.......we started to talk a lot and discovered that we had a lot in common, liked the same books........''
''More in common than with me?'' Joey interrupted skillfully, as he drew little circles on her hips, before tightening his grip on them. He tightened them until a painful sensation went through Rory, one she didn't find pleasant at all.
''We didn't always get along. We had a lot of fights. He's not so talkative and just as stubborn as me, so we had our shares of collisions.'' Rory said, choosing purposely not to answer the question, because she didn't know what she would tell him.
It was true that she had more in common with Jess than she had with Joey, but she liked to believe that opposites did attract, because otherwise her relationship with Jess wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. They had a lot of things in common, but their personalities clashed, which had been an issue ever since their first conversation.
''Sounds like you knew him well?'' Joey gently pushed.
Rory hesitantly nodded, as she met his eyes in the mirror, although they were hooded beneath his lashes. Something he did when he wasn't sure how to feel about a certain situation.
''Yeah, we spend a lot of time.......together.'' she carefully said, not wanting to tell a lie more than was needed.
''As friends?'' Joey asked, while he unclasped his hands and pulled them back, leaving Rory feeling even more guilty than she already did.
She swallowed the clump in her throat before answering, knowing that it shouldn't be such a big deal to tell him, especially since Jess wasn't her main priority anymore. He was.....
''We dated for a while,'' she answered, while she tried to lock eyes with him in the mirror, but not managing too.
''What happened?'' Joey asked, while he crossed his arms, something he did when he was curious.
Rory shrugged, trying to make her next words come out more casual than they really were. Pretending that she was completely over the situation.
''One day he just left, without a word.''
''Were you upset?'' Joey asked, wanting to understand what Rory must have gone through, while he was desperately trying to contain the jealousy that was beginning to rise inside of him.
''Yeah, we didn't talk for a while.''
''What made you tell him about the wedding?''
''Well, it was my big day and we are.......were, are,'' Rory said, not knowing what she and Jess were anymore. ''......are friends. And I wanted all my friends to be there on my big day and celebrate it with me. Besides, maybe I wanted to show him that I have gotten over everything.''
''Have you?'' Joey asked calmly.
''Of course.''
''Then why didn't you tell me about him?''
''Because it didn't seem important. He decided that we should take a break from each other, create some distance between each other and I accepted. Why tell you about someone who I hardly see anymore?'' Rory innocently finished, before a silence wrapped around them like a cloak.
She turned around to fully face him, while she waited for his response.
''Do you still care about him?'' Joey finally asked.
''As much as I care about my other friends.''
''So, the article you wrote for your confession column had nothing to do with him?''
Rory's eyes became bigger, she was scared at how close Joey was coming to the core of her emotions.
''I mean, was he your only boyfriend, before me?'' he continued.
''Yeah, if you could call him that,'' Rory quickly added, trying to reassure him.
''Then the old flame you were referring to in your article wasn't Jess?''
''I thought you didn't read those?''
Joey shrugged. ''They never seemed interesting enough. So, tell me, were you referring to Jess?''
Rory sighed. ''Joey, come on.........''
''How come you can't give me a straight answer, Ror?''
Rory sighed and ran a hand through her hair. ''Yes! I was referring to Jess, but only because he was the only boyfriend I have had in my past and I was talking about my past..........''
''And you had to talk about him?'' Joey asked, raising an eyebrow.
''I........... I don't know what to say,'' Rory started. ''It's just an article, to entertain people, win readers, it's very commercial.''
''So you make all of those confessions up?''
''Well, no.''
Joey nodded. ''Then I guess we're done talking.''
As another brief silence took over them, Rory leaned back against the mirror, while her eyes held Joey's hidden ones, wondered what he was going to do next.
''He called.''
''Who?'' Rory asked, playing dumb, for Joey's sake.
''Jess,'' Joey calmly said, before turning around and leaving the bedroom.
*~*~*
Jess fished a cigarette out of the front pocket of his jeans, where he always kept a cigarette just in case he had one of his bad days. He hardly ever smoked anymore, but every now and then he still lit up. When he was all alone, just because it was a hard habit to let go off and sometimes he just wanted to feel the taste of nicotine in his mouth, and blow out the smoke in a long puff, because it was something that relaxed him.
He took his lighter out and lit the cigarette, which he had already taken a drag off before he had even placed the lighter back into his pocket. As he exhaled he started to walk over to the middle of the bridge, aware of the way the boards creaked underneath his weight. Over the years the bridge had slowly decayed. The wood had rotted and would creak if so much as a leave fell onto it. Taylor had tried raising money to repair the bridge a few times, but the money always went to some other cause, one that was much more important to everyone else in the town. Only he and Rory knew the beauty of this place and the serenity it had handed them on a silver platter, time and time again.
He still came here to read and relive some of his most precious memories. Memories of him and Rory, which only made his aching for her worse, but he couldn't bare to stay away either. He took another long drag and looked down at the spot beside him. He studied it carefully, like there was something there that only he could see. And in a way there was. It was a creation of his mind, one that had been real years ago. One that still made him smile.
*Flashback*
He had been watching her for a while now. She was sitting in the middle of the bridge, with her legs hanging over the edge of the bridge. She had taken off her shoes a while ago and they were now resting next to her, looking so out of place underneath the weeping willows and on the wooden boards. Just like she did. Her appearance didn't suit her surroundings, although it did make for an unforgettable picture. She was wearing a bridesmaid dress in a light pink color that only accentuated her natural beauty and breathtaking eyes. Its long skirt was rustling in the wind as it blew around her legs, mimicking her curled strands of hair, which were flying across her face. Yet she didn't make any attempt to tuck them behind her ears. Instead her hands were both placed flatly on the rough wood of the bridge beside her.
The sun was setting and the early evening sky almost matched the color of her dress perfectly. Music was playing in the background and the excited screams of young women were heard as Sookie threw the bouquet. A site Rory hadn't wanted to miss, but for some reason she felt drawn to this place on this particular night. Perhaps because she wanted to think of a certain picnic she had had on this same spot, or maybe she just wanted some time alone to think of everything. But it was clear to her that something different was hanging in the air, like the scent of rain that she could smell hours before it actually started to pour down.
The unexplainable feeling was making her nervous, although Jess couldn't tell, from where he had been standing all this time. In his eyes she looked beautiful and more grown up than she usually did. He knew that it was the dress which added a few years to her actual age and although she look bewitching, just sitting there while the wind was toying with her hair, he preferred the subtle beauty that normally enchanted her, because it brought even more focus onto her eyes, which were what had attracted him to her in the first place. It gave him the belief that she could look right through him, when really she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to or tried.
He approached the bridge quietly, but as soon as he had set his first step onto the bridge, he knew that she had already heard his footsteps and it was no surprise when she turned her head and searched for his figure in the owl-light. When she recognized his dark eyes and intimidating figure, a light smile glorified her. Although surprise could be seen in her eyes, her smile never faltered as he slowly took a few more steps towards her.
''What are you doing here?''
Jess shrugged, as he lowered himself down to her height and sat down, his legs mimicking hers, although hers seemed more elegant in this position. He caught a glimpse of the milky white skin of her legs as the wind lifted her dress just a couple of inches, but before he could let himself get too distracted, he brought his eyes up to hers.
''New York didn't work out.''
''So, you're staying?'' Rory asked, as she held his gaze.
Jess nodded. ''If you don't mind, of course.''
Rory's smile widened and became more genuine and clear to Jess, which softened his own expression. ''I'm glad you're back.''
Rory paused just long enough for the wind to make its presence clear. ''I missed you.''
She briefly lowered her eyes, before bringing them up to Jess's again, curious about the sincerity in his eyes, which shone through with a great intensity.
''What?'' she self-consciously asked.
''You look beautiful,'' Jess said, causing Rory to blush and lower her gaze once again.
Jess saw this as an opportunity to lean in and place his lips lightly against hers. Rory's eyes shot up to his and for a second he saw the panic arise in her expression, but it subsided quickly and she pressed his lips against his. Jess enjoyed how she carefully took the lead and let him know that she didn't want to move too fast. After a few more seconds her eyes fell closed, but his didn't. He just wanted to enjoy the beauty of this night, of this moment, with her.
*End of Flashback*
Jess unconsciously licked his lips as he threw his cigarette in the water, knowing that it wouldn't help him relax, not after this particular memory. One of the first he had stored and learned to treasure, even now. He wanted to slip his hands in his back pockets, but was stopped by the paperback that was occupying one of them. Immediately he pulled it out and flipped it open to the page where he left off. He could easily find it, because of the white card he had placed between the pages earlier. He stared at it for a while, before taking it and closing his book.
*~*~*
Rory was lying on the bed, with the phone in her hands, wondering if she should call him or not. She knew that she probably shouldn't call, because things would get even more difficult and unsolvable if she did, between her and Joey as well as between her and Jess. If she wanted to keep her marriage out of dangerous waters she would erase Jess's number from her memory and never think of him again, never look back at their past together, but for some reason she couldn't, stay away from him. Her mind was always reaching out for his image, even when she was with Joey. Which wasn't fair towards him, she knew and understood that, but yet she couldn't control her mind, not when it came to Jess.
She loved Joey, she really did. He had been a great boyfriend and as a husband he was even more amazing and understandable, but not of this situation that they were in right now, and she couldn't blame him. If she loved him like she thought she did, then she shouldn't be thinking of Jess. Maybe she was just thinking of him so much, because they hadn't had a decent conversation in a while, because they couldn't look each other in the eyes without seeing what they both had lost.
Rory sighed as she lightly grazed the numbers on the phone. She had the urge to adjust just a little more pressure so the number of Luke's diner would appear in the small screen, and eventually the same thing that was holding her back, finally pushed her to dial the number and make the call.
''Yeah? ........ Right, I mean, Luke's diner, yeah?''
''Sorry about hanging op on you,'' Rory blurted out, as soon as she recognized Jess's voice.
''I was the one who wanted some space, right?'' Jess almost immediately responded, not wanting her to know how surprised he was at her call.
''What if I don't want that anymore?'' Rory asked, as she lead their conversation even deeper.
''Rory...........''
''I mean, you practically made the decision by yourself and gave me absolutely no say in the entire matter. And I feel like I should have a say, cause we're still friends, right?'' she asked carefully.
''Yes, we're still friends.''
''Then why............''
''Cause I thought that that was what we both needed,'' Jess interrupted.
''Right, a break after not talking to each other for a long time.''
''So, I'm guessing you're not agreeing with me on that one anymore, huh?''
Rory sighed. ''I don't mind giving you your space. I do think we need that every now and then, but I just want to be able to call you and not feel guilty about it, cause we agreed on.......that.''
''I told you that you could call me whenever you wanted,'' Jess gently pointed out.
''It's still not the same.''
Jess took a few seconds of silence to think about her comment before responding. ''Okay.''
''Okay.''
They remained quiet for a while, both glad about their decision. Mutual this time.
''Jess, why did you call earlier?''
''Same reason as you, I guess.''
''Luke not talkative enough for you? Cause to be honest, you two seem to be the perfect verbal partners. You don't talk a lot either.''
''It depends on the subject,'' he said.
''Right.''
Rory smiled at how easily they had fallen back into the same routine as when they were friends.
''So, your mom misses you,'' Jess announced, causing Rory's smile to disappear.
''I call her often.''
''She mentioned that, but I think she misses having you around.''
''I know.'' Rory paused. ''But.......I wanna visit, but now isn't such a great time for me.''
''How come?''
''Uhm, would you mind if I..........''
''No, it's personal, I apologize,'' Jess quickly said, before he would find himself in waters that were just a little too deep for him.
''Thanks. Listen, I have some more things to do, so..........''
''Yeah, okay. It was good having a normal conversation again,'' Jess admitted, surprised at his own honesty.
''Yeah, we'll try that again soon, since the blocks are off and all.''
''Rory, I'm not sure if......... Joey will appreciate that.''
''I'll talk to him. We're friends,'' she responded, giving him the answer he was looking for, but not quite.
''Yeah, then I guess I'll talk to you later.''
''Yeah, tell Luke I said hi, okay?''
''Will do,'' Jess remarked, signaling the end of the conversation.
''Bye.''
Rory hung up and turned her head so she could see the spot she was aiming the phone at. But the phone ended up on the floor when she saw Joey standing in the door frame, his eyes gleaming with an emotion she had never seen in his eyes before, jealousy. He didn't say anything as he turned around and left the room, once again. Moments later she could hear the door slam. Her perfection was slowly crumbling.....
*R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please? :-) All I have to say is that I am kinda proud of this story, although it might be a little over-descriptive, but I'm still trying to find a balance. And I hope people are still reading, and most importantly, reading this. Thank you to you who reviewed my last chapter. Your opinions were very helpful and I'm trying to work on.......well, everything basically. :-)