Castaways on a Sullen Sea
By weasleywheezes
Chapter 3 – A Disturbing Reflection of Self
"Miss Granger, it is imperative that you meet me after class."
Hermione answered with a nod of the head and went straight to work finishing labelling her work. N.E.W.T. level Potions was the most difficult class Hermione had ever taken, but somehow it didn't seem so bad. Her partner was Draco Malfoy, who was even more unpleasant than in years past, if it were possible. His father being in exile didn't improve matters, and it didn't help that the son blamed Hermione and her friends for the situation. Draco sabotaged the girl every chance he had, and Snape usually took his side.
No matter how (as Ron's girlfriend Emma would say) Snapeish Snape was being during potions, during their tutoring sessions he was civil, almost courteous. He was no Professor Flitwick, but…somehow he was no longer Snape.
The students all left the dungeon, leaving Hermione alone with the Professor. He casually strolled toward his charge. "Miss Granger, you are improving so much in Occlumency, I thought, perhaps, we could take this opportunity to work on your potions."
"Professor, you know that Malfoy…"
"You should charm your cauldron so he won't be able to muck about in it," he said, with the slightest bit of humour. "I assume you have thought of this, Miss Granger?"
Hermione allowed only the faintest of grins. She had thought of this. "And you would have allowed it?" she started.
"Of course!" Snape barked. "Gryffindors are so incredibly obtuse at times." He turned from Hermione, with a small smile upon his lips.
~~
Thirty minutes later, Hermione was adding the last of the ingredients in her cauldron. "Diluted infusion of crushed larkspur…two drops. There."
Snape's robes fluttered around him as he turned towards his student. The bubbling liquid swirled with a beautiful golden hue. It was perfection. "Well done, Miss Granger." He bottled some of the potions in a large vial and quickly rid the cauldron of its contents. "You may go, if you wish."
"We still have thirty minutes."
"Very well," he replied. "If you will…indulge me, I would like to ask you a few questions."
Hermione stared at her feet. Snape asking questions always meant points from Gryffindor. She would be careful, she thought, as she nodded her acceptance.
"Why are you studying Occlumency?"
She registered her annoyance. "Professor. I've told you once before…"
"Answer the question!"
She gulped. "I wanted something impressive on my transcript, a guarantee that I'd make it into a good school."
Snape was not prepared to hear that. "Hermione, are you aware that for twenty years, there hasn't been a Hogwarts student as solidly impressive as you?" he asked slowly, the usual sarcastic sneer absent from his voice.
Hermione scoffed. "You don't have to patronize me!"
The professor interrupted her. "Indeed?" She was speechless. He continued. "If Potter and Weasley were one-eighth as brilliant as you, well…they wouldn't be failing N.E.W.T. level potions, would they?"
She shook her head yes. Snape was being unusually complimentary. Was he dying or something?
He smirked. "Miss Granger. Tomorrow I want you not to come to our tutoring session. Instead, I would ask you to see Professor McGonagall."
"Why?"
"I no longer wish to teach you. It is as simple as that."
"Professor, I don't understand! Am I not a good student?" Hermione looked crushed.
Severus looked her square in the eye. "Miss Granger, you are an excellent student. In fact, you're the finest student I've ever taught. But that's neither here or there. There are some things I just cannot teach you."
She turned her back to him, as if she was going to leave the classroom. Severus actually felt sorry for her. She would never understand…
"I will not."
"You will not what?"
She turned around and raised her voice, as thought it would change his mind. "I will not report to Professor McGonagall!"
His eyebrow raised a fraction of an inch. Granger had a backbone of steel underneath that delicate exterior. "Five points from Gryffindor."
"Is that what happens when a Gryffindor does well in your class, Professor? You take points from their House?" she asked haughtily.
"Miss Granger, I would advise that you leave immediately before I give you detention."
"I need this class! You don't understand!"
"No, you don't understand, Miss Granger! I don't want to teach you Occlumency anymore."
Hermione bit her lip to keep from crying, and also to keep from cursing Snape's name. She stood straight and looked him directly in the eyes. "Then you are a coward."
"Out! Get out, Granger!" he raged, sounding to Hermione rather like a rabid dog. She picked up her wand and ran toward Gryffindor Tower, but instead found herself outside. The night air was perfumed with sweet honeysuckle. She had never noticed the true beauty of Hogwarts before this evening. The trees seemed taller and strong, the castle itself more like a shining jewel nestled in the English countryside. Hermione slipped off her shoes and strolled barefoot in the lush grass, her mind racing. She had known better than to arouse Snape's anger. She instantly regretted calling him a coward.
There was no one around, and the moon looked so serene. She kept wandering towards the Forbidden Forest, staring at the stars. Suddenly, she felt something behind her, and warm breath on the back of her neck.
"Hello…Mudblood."
~~
Severus began walking toward the lake, his mind lost in thought. The velvet night enveloped him, much like his billowing black robes.
Damn her! What the hell was wrong with him? Granger, of all people? Potter would rage against him; Weasley would more than actively plot his death. McGonagall would wonder if he'd gone mad. Even Granger herself might recoil in disgust.
These last few months of seeing her every other day, seeing her thoughts, feeling her fears, her hopes, learning her moods. She was unlike anyone he had ever known. Sure, there had been girls he fancied during his early years at Hogwarts; a crush on Lily Evans, a brief flirtation with a fifth year Slytherin; a few ladies of the night picked up during his tenure as a Death Eater. No one seemed to spark his soul or even soothe his loneliness.
Severus glanced down at the Dark Mark. Every once in a while he could feel he dull pain of Voldemort's curse surge through it. As much as he hated to admit it, he could sympathize with Harry Potter's own brush with the power of the Dark Lord. But whereas Potter survived with his youth and vitality intact, with his life in front of him to do whatever he desired once his foe was defeated, Severus no longer had that luxury.
Voldemort had known Severus' weakness – loneliness. Sadness. Here was a man who had nothing to lose and everything to gain by joining forces with him.
Join me, Severus. Sit at my right hand. You will be as my son. You will have a family. A real family.
Family. It sounded unreal. The pain of life was almost unbearable, and he wanted to do anything to belong to someone who would care, even if that someone were Voldemort. He didn't realize that following the Dark Lord would mean dying to self and giving into the wizard's every plan when he joined. His life was no longer his. He gave that privilege up long ago, to that foul man who promised the glories of Hell and instead gave him the deepest Hell.
The hooting of owls stirred him to the present. Was it so bad that he would resort to thinking of his days of the Death Eaters before facing the reality of Hermione Granger? He shook his head, cursing himself. He looked at the mark again. "It's good I have it with me always," he spoke softly to himself. "A reminder to never again search for love." Whatever it was he felt now, towards a girl – a student! – he wanted so much to hate, it was bewildering.
As he wandered into the still night, he thought he heard the murmurs of a struggle. A younger girl whimpering for help…it sounded like her…
"It's your mind playing cruel tricks on you," he thought.
The rustling of leaves caught his hear. Something was wrong. He softly walked towards the forbidden forest, his mind full of the one thing he wished to forget.