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DISBOUND
OAV 1

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Dare ka Nihongo hanasemasu ka

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The weather – warm! The breezes – balmy! The water – calm and crystal clear! The innkeeper – hoovering! Erin emerged from her bedding, blinking in protest. Misty was still sprawled over her single bed, seemingly unaffected by the unholy torrent of noise, but the rest of the room was empty. Squinting at the clock, Erin managed to cloudily work out it was just short of noon, and collapsed back to her pillow groaning.

"Did you sleep well?" Ash asked meekly of Erin as she sleepily stumbled into the room, only being perceptive enough to notice the baggy-eyed girl's entrance because it was the commercial break. Erin didn't even grace the stupid question with a response.

Ash, Gary and James seemed to be the only ones inside on this lovely tropical day, all drinking out of cans, all with their feet up on the table, all seemingly indulgent in their masculinity (even James).

Brock appeared from the kitchen carrying a tray of traditional Japanese nikuman, handing one to Ash.

"Yum! Caaandy!" chirruped The Dub Creature Formerly Known As Satoshi. Erin banged her head against the table. Repeatedly.

~*~

Finally deciding enough was enough, Erin dragged Karlie away from Tracey and the romantic interlude they had been trying to cultivate in the gardens. As they made their way back into the house, Karlie had a thought.

"Um… isn't it about time for… all the Serebii stuff?" Erin stared at her quizzically, and they slowed their pace as they reached the veranda doors. "You know… in canon… for the fourth movie?" Erin's eyes fluttered closed.

"They'll just have to… uncanon it!" she declared, opening the glass doors. "What we're going through is hard enough without involving mutating Celebi grass-monsters and psychopathic men named Vicious."

The boys looked up expectantly as the two girls re-entered. Erin giggled and mimed rolling up sleeves.

"It's time you people learnt where you came from!" she smiled.

"You must call me…. Karlie-sensei!" Karlie demanded.

"And Erina-sensei," Erin nodded, as Karlie pointed at a bewildered Ash.

"You! Repeat after me!" she bellowed. "Watashi wa Masara toun no Satoshi desu!"

"I'm Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town!" Ash 'repeated', on cue. Karlie sweatdropped.

"Satoshi!"

"Ash," he dutifully repeated, not seeming to realise what was coming out.

"Masara!" Karlie tried again.

"Pallet."

"Fushigidane, ikimasu!"

"Bulbasaur, I choose you."

The two 'sensei' found solace in the walls.

~*~

Still haplessly doing THE most infuriating thing of their lives, and now joined by a highly amused Sarah, the sensei had moved on to Gary.

"Ore no namae wa Ookido Shigeru da," Erin tried. Gary gave her a maddeningly superior look.

"My name is Gary Oak," he 'repeated' slowly, as if trying to emphasise that it was an easy thing to do. Erin groaned, as Tracey slipped almost unnoticed into the room.

"Wanna try doing Tracey?" Erin asked, before grimacing at the look Karlie gave her when she took her innocent sentence in its most perverted sense.

"Repeat after me, Kenji-chan," Karlie instructed, sidling closer to him. She thought for a moment for a suitable phrase, before smiling. "Aishiteru…" she purred. Tracey looked at her strangely for a second.

"Thanks for your help?" he repeated, questioningly. There was a breathless silence. Karlie's mouth fell open.

"You mean… every time the phrase 'I love you' will be dubbed, it will be changed into…" a stressmark pumped on her forehead, "THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!?" Sarah tried to calm down the outraged Kaz.

"Yeah, but how many times will a Pokémon character say 'I love you'?" she tried to console.

"THE time! THE time! How can I have closure!?" She thumped the sofa with her fist angrily, and Brock scooted away from her.

"Stop being a Gaki," Erin reprimanded from the opposite sofa. "Besides, you're scaring Ash." Karlie glanced at Ash, and indeed he looked totally panic-stricken. Karlie smiled at his lopsided expression of horror.

"Bless, Sato-chan," she murmured. "You're cute in all languages." Her thoughts were interrupted by a horrified, attention-seeking coughing fit from Tracey, whom she patted on the arm and smiled at possessively.

Ash stared down at his gloves, seemingly intrigued.

"Sah… Sah…" he falteringly stuttered. "Sah..sh…" he struggled.

~*~

It had taken a stupid amount of time to get this far, and most of the people in the room were now fixedly back to watching television, but encouraged by Ash's variation of his name ("Satsh, kinda a mixture, isn't it?" Kaz had pressed), the sensei were still grilling him. And he was improving!

"Ayetieshi warr Sartoeshi dush," he managed, with great difficulty.

"Watashi wa Satoshi desu," the girls repeated, patiently.

"Ahhtashi waa Sahtowshi days."

"Watashi wa Satoshi desu."

"Aahh… aahtashi wwa Sa…toshi dessu." Karlie groaned, and Sarah turned around from where she was quietly watching TV.

"It's close enough, isn't it?" weary of endlessly listening to the same thing.

"No it is not!" snapped Karlie. "He just labelled himself a slut in Japanese!"

"Okay Ash," Erin turned to him, just as weary. "One more time, and pleeeeease try, because I won't be able to relax until you do. Watashi wa Satoshi desu." Ash furrowed his brow for a moment.

"Wa…tashi… wa... Sa…"

The whole room watched with bated breath.

"To…shi... de...su."

There was a moment of no reaction, until a grateful Erin glomped Ash, almost knocking him off the sofa.

"Yosh!" he yelled, triumphantly. Erin stopped, and pulled back.

"What…did you say?" Ash looked back at her, in confusion.

"Dare ka Nihongo hanasemasu ka," came the voice of Rica Matsumoto, from Ash.

Karlie blinked.

"I think… we've broken Ash…"

Ash, or rather, Satoshi, stared at them in a bemused fashion.

"Nani ga?"

Karlie was finding it hysterically funny, and was shaking with giggles. Erin was simply hysterical, with her hands clutching her face and her eyes wide in shock.

"OoOooOooh what have we DONE?!"

"4Kids ain't gonna like this one bit!" Kaz hiccupped in between sniggers.

"It's not funny!" Erin wailed.

"Oh but it is," Karlie smiled, before turning to Tracey wistfully. "Can we break him next?"

"Break me?" Tracey squeaked.

"Ah, you have a gorgeous voice, Kenji-chan," Karlie assured him. "Besides, it has to be every otaku's fantasy to have Van whispering sweet nothings to them – males included."

"Huh? Who's Van?" Tracey immediately asked, accusingly. Karlie sweatdropped, but was thankfully interrupted.

"Heeey people," called Mia in a singsong voice as she walked into the room towel-drying her hair.

"Yo, Mia-kun!" 'Satoshi' smiled, raising a hand in greeting. Mia lifted the towel away from her eyes and stared.

"…Interesting," was all she said, sitting down between Gary and Erin.

"Who's Van!?" Tracey asked more forcefully.

"We've broken Ash Ketchum!" Erin wailed, grabbing Mia by the shoulders and shaking her, sending droplets of water all over a disgruntled Gary. "I've ruined Pokémon, ruined Nintendo! Microsoft will take over the world!" Karlie grabbed a sofa cushion and smacked her in the head with it.

"Overreact much?" she glowered. There was a racket on the stairs, and a highly aggravated Misty yanked the sliding door open.

"Masaka!" gulped 'Satoshi'.

"Who's VAN?"

"WHO'S making all the noise?" glowered a bleary eyed Misty. Kaz and Erin looked at each other.

"Er… him…" they both pointed at the only person who couldn't adequately complain or explain.

"Iie! Kasumi, kanojo-tachi deshta! Uso! Iie!" 'Satoshi' desperately flailed as the redhead advanced on him with a mallet. Karlie and Sarah ducked as the boy flew over their heads into the far wall. Pikachu chuued and held up a card with a large red '8.7' scrawled on it. There was silence as Ash slid down the wall and landed in a twitching heap.

"…Who's Van?"

"Never interrupt a girl's beauty sleep," Misty sniffed, now mysteriously mallet-lacking. In a flash, Ash was back on his feet and making a fist.

"I guess nobody needs THAT as much as YOU!" came the voice of Veronica Taylor after three hours of voice exercises. The girls blinked and watched as Ash followed Misty out of the room, the two trading insults. Brock followed them out trying to calm them down by sprouting friendship cliques. Gary made a 'pschk' sound, and reached for the remote control.

"I guess that Ash is like a broken TV," giggled Sarah, "just needs a good whack." Erin sunk deeper into the sofa sighing in relief.

"I now suddenly have a deeper respect for the dub," she said quietly, in an enlightened tone. "Never again shall I watch 'Primeape Goes Bananas' and savagely insult Brock's urge to call everything a 'doughnut'."

"Doughnuts!" called Brock merrily, returning with his pink frilly apron and a plate full of mochi. Erin grabbed the sofa cushion, which had been on her lap ever since Karlie had almost concussed her with it and used it to muffle her anguish.

Everyone cheerfully helped themselves to rice cakes and a sense of normality returned as they watched a rerun of an Elite Four battle.

"So is she Prima or Lorelei?" Mia had to ask through a mouthful of rice.

"WHO'S VAN!?"

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SUMMER OAV - Japanese translations
probably all wrong cos Riny was too lazy to go get her dictionary or Japanese school notes :p

"Sensei" - teacher

"Watashi wa Masara toun no Satoshi desu!" - I am Masara Town's Satoshi. (Basically I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town)

"Masara" - Pallet Town

"Fushigidane, ikimasu!" - Fushigidane (Bulbasaur), go!"

"Ore no namae wa Ookido Shigeru da" - My name is Shigeru Ookido (Gary Oak). (He uses a very masculine form of I/my = ore etc)

"Aishiteru" - I love you.

"Gaki" - Twerp. The word is also used to describe rabid AAML junkies who are rude and narrow-minded.

"Watashi wa Satoshi desu" - I'm Satoshi (Ash).

"Yosh" - Okay! Alright! Enthusiastic exclamation.

"Dare ka Nihongo hanasemasu ka?" - Does anyone speak Japanese?

"Nani ga" - what do you mean?

"Masaka" - oh, no!

"Iie! Kasumi, kanojo-tachi deshta! Uso! Iie!" - No! Kasumi (Misty), the girls did it. Lies! No!