Fifty Nifty Nifflers


Sirius collapsed into his seat. "Took me long enough to find you lot, could you've picked a compartment farther back?"

"Well there were those two in the caboose," Peter began, grinning.

"What're you two looking at?" Sirius turned his attention to James and Remus who were peering intently at a piece of parchment.

"Tap it again, James," Remus muttered, staring in awe at the paper.

James pulled out his wand. "Hufflepuff," he said and then glanced at the paper, then at Remus. The two boys smiled at one another.

Peter and Sirius quickly slid over to look at the paper.

"Merlin's beard, is that...?" Peter trailed off.

"The Hufflepuff Common Room… all mapped out," Remus replied proudly. "My grandfather did it when he was in school. Would you look at that?" He pointed at the map. "They've got setts, just like a badger. Tap it again, James."

With three rapid taps the boys viewed the Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Slytherin Common Rooms.

"Your grandfather did this, Remmy?" Sirius asked, clearly impressed. "He must be pretty smart."

"He was in Ravenclaw," Remus replied softly, still gaping down at the parchment. They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Just a minute." James hollered as Remus hastily rolled up the parchment and retied it, shoving it into Peter's hands.

Peter looked around bewildered for a moment and then shoved the parchment behind his back. "Come in."

A small boy, clearly a First Year, popped his head in the door. "Sirius?" he asked, his voice wobbling slightly.

Sirius groaned, "I told you to leave me alone. Go find some friend of your own."

A look of comprehension dawned on Remus's face, "Are you Regulus?"

The boy's eyes widened in fear at being addressed, but he nodded slightly and took a step towards his older brother.

"Well why don't you let him stay with us, Sirius? We might be a good influence on him," James commented, moving over to make room for the smaller Black.

"Oh yes, we're just perfect role models, James," Peter laughed. "What was it you were saying earlier about a giant vat of bloody mayonnaise?"

Regulus peered at the taller boy with the messy hair curiously.

"I think you need to remember that there are children and small rats in this room and keep that sort of language to yourself in the future, Peter Pettigrew." James chided, sounding suspiciously like Professor McGonagall before bursting into laughter.

"Well if you all want to hang out with the little lizard booger, that's fine with me, I'm going to go catch up with some of the others then," Sirius said, quickly rising and exiting into the corridor.

Regulus took one terrified look at the three Third Years sitting with him and bolted off after his brother.

"Another Slytherin, you think?" Remus pondered after the boy left.

"Well he's certainly not a Gryffindor," James chuckled as he unwrapped a Fizzing Whizbee.
~~*~~

"Oof, what the bloody-" James was cut off by laughter. The heads popped out of a compartment.

"Well would you look at this? We caught a Marauder. Becca was right, the bloody thing does work." Frank Longbottom commented affably, extending a hand down to James to help him up.

"What was that?"

"Invisitrip? Is that what Melissa Watts was calling it, Frank?" James recognized the boy as one of the Robs Frank so often hung out with.

"Something like that," the other commented. "Who'd of thought a Gryffindor would come up with such an ingenious use of a binding spell?"

Must be the Rob from Ravenclaw, James thought, grinning back at him. "Clearly you don't know Watts or Evans very well."

"That's what I keep trying to tell them," Frank replied proudly. "We're brave and smart."

"Speaking of the Gryffindor five," James said, "have you any idea where their compartment is?"

"Somewhere near the front. I've no idea how they lucked out on that one." Frank gestured towards the front of the train.

"Thanks, now do any of you know how to unstick me?" James asked, peering down at his feet. A thoughtful look crossed his face. "This invention had definite possibilities."

"Just don't stick me anywhere, mate," Frank replied, brandishing his wand and quickly freeing James. "See you up at the castle."

"Right, see you lot later, then," James started off towards the front of the train. He wasn't surprised to hear Sirius's loud laughter and followed it right to the girls' compartment.

He knocked and slid open the door, "Afternoon, ladies." He turned to Sirius. "Lost the little lizard booger, then?"

"Shoved him into a compartment with some other First Years," Sirius replied, making room on the seat for James. "What're the others up to?"

"Oh, you know," James raised a conspiratorial eyebrow and Alice groaned. He glanced around the compartment and for a moment his heart stopped. "Where's Evans?"

"Visiting with Trixie, I think… or someone. You know Lily, so many friends, so little time," Rebecca replied quickly, surprised that James was even asking.

James relaxed a bit. You would've heard something if… that… had happened, Potter. Calm down. It's just Evans at that. You were worried about Mel all summer because of Malfoy's bloody comment and look, all of them are fine.

"So how were your summers?"

"We heard from Sirius here you lot were at the campsite they attacked, you're all okay though, right?" Alice asked anxiously.

"Yeah, we're fine," James brushed off the question. He'd been shocked to learn that had been an actual Death Eater attack that they'd been so near to, but like any other thirteen year old, he was convinced, whether or not he consciously recognized it, that he was immortal and nothing could hurt him; therefore, he'd promptly forgotten about it. "By the way, nice job on that sticking thing… whatever it is."

"Lily's idea," Melissa said, glancing up from the book she was reading for the first time.

"What book is that?" James asked, trying to glance at the cover.

"Just some science fiction by a Muggle writer," Melissa muttered. "Asimov, heard of him?"

"Actually… wasn't Remus reading something by him at the end of last term?" James asked Sirius, who just shrugged at him.

"Er, yes. He recommended it," Melissa said, the tips of her ears going slightly red as she went back to reading.

James and Sirius both exchanged looks with raised eyebrows. Sirius smirked and James bit back a smile. Remus wasn't going to believe this.
~~*~~

"Are you serious?"

"No, I'm Remus."

Peter groaned. "If that were any older, it'd be ancient."

"But I really don't think it's going to go away, all the same… I say embrace the insanity, Peter. Or at least that particular form. But, all kidding aside, I do mean it."

"But it's your grandfather's."

"Yes, well… maybe when we're all done, you can give it back to me, but for now, you're the one doing all the drawing for the map, it's far more useful to you."

"Too bad it doesn't show who's in the Common Rooms, that'd be dead useful, it would."

"Yeah, I thought that, too," Remus countered, leaning back in his seat. "Maybe ours could. It'd really be dead useful to know where Filch and McGonagall are most of the time."

"And the bloody cat."

"And the bloody cat," Remus agreed. "Where did those other two gits go?"

"Sirius never came back after running away from his brother and James left a while ago to go visit someone… not sure who," Peter replied, opening a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. "They missed the snack witch."

"I'm sure we got enough for them, too." Remus looked around at the pile of sugar he and Peter had purchased. The brown haired boy rummaged in his trunk and pulled out his school uniform. Peter quickly followed his cue and the two changed into their Hogwarts uniforms and robes.

When they sat back down, Peter had a thoughtful expression on his face, "Did I tell you about the billywig powder Sirius sent me by mail? I levitated for three hours after opening that envelope… Mum and Dad were furious."

Remus shook his head but didn't say anything.

"I think my color changing charms got better over the last year… wouldn't it be odd if Sirius suddenly had a Slytherin uniform?"

Remus quirked an eyebrow at his short friend and folded his hands together on his lap, "That could be interesting." He paused. "It would be very strange if James were suddenly a Hufflepuff, don't you think?"

"Don't know how such a thing could happen," Peter commented as he rose from where he'd sat and pulled Sirius's crumpled uniform and robes out of his trunk.

"Me either, entirely clueless," as Remus followed suit with James's stuff.

A few moments later and a couple of spells ('bloody hell, Pete, not Ravenclaw… I thought you fixed that problem…') two new house uniforms were stored in their friend's trunks.

"Maybe we'd best find them?" Peter asked.

"I suppose you're right, we can't exactly let those two lunatics loose on their own, can we?" Remus smiled broadly as he said that and started towards the door to the corridor.

Peter grinned back as he followed him out. "Guess that wouldn't be wise."
~~*~~

"Am I the only one dreadfully bored by the Sorting?" Sirius whispered across the table to Remus.

Remus kicked him in the shin. "Yes, now shut up you git. Your brother's about to be Sorted."

"Black, Regulus."

Sirius shut his eyes, Slytherin. He's going to be a Slytherin… I really shouldn't care, I've known all along. The kid can't even think for himself and he's full of Mum's deranged ideas.

"Slytherin!"

The other three Marauders turned to look at Sirius as his brother crossed to the other side of the room to join the green and silver table. He sat down next to Bellatrix who gave him a big hug. Sirius just shrugged as though he didn't care at all and was happy when they turned back to watch the rest of the Sorting.

They don't understand… Mum will be so proud to hear that Regulus is in Slytherin, hell, she's already got him on a one way track to becoming a Death Eater… wouldn't surprise me in the least. And she hates me… she loves him because he can't think for himself and hates me because I can. Because I think all her ideas are wrong.

"Imago, Shakespeare."

Sirius rubbed at his arm, which had been covered by a jumper on the train and then later his school robes, he'd managed to get them on (and turn the ruddy things back to the right bloody House colors, he thought, glancing over at Peter and Remus. One of them is going to get it later) without James noticing the state of it. She hexed me. My own mother used a bloody burning curse on me because she found out a "Muggle loving Potter" was my best friend and that another was Muggleborn.

"Hufflepuff!"

I don't understand why she hates the Potters, their family is as old as ours, if not older. Then he looked to the chubby boy with the blond hair and piercing blue eyes, clapping for the latest addition to Gryffindor. And I'll never understand how someone could hate Peter. His eyes strayed to the scars still visible on the boy's neck. They'd faded considerably over time, but they'd always be there. He's worth a thousand acromantula bites and my own Mum isn't even worth one.

"McKinnon, Melinda."

At least I got to meet Dora this summer. I really don't know what Andie was thinking naming that poor kid Nymphadora… although I'll be damned if anyone but me will tease her about it. That Ted bloke wasn't half bad either, but he's training to be an Auror… I don't understand how he can do that with a wife and kid… it's like a death sentence now.

"Gryffindor!"

Sirius didn't even notice as he automatically clapped for the girl as she ran over to the table and sat down next to her sister. Sirius reached beneath the table and rubbed at his knee. I mentioned Dora to Dad… he hit me with his walking stick. I still have a limp if I don't walk carefully. They're going to notice and I'll have to explain it. It was so much easier when we were little, before Hogwarts. Narcissa used to baby-sit Bella, Regulus and I and we'd all play. War… Bella would get Narcissa to team up with her, but Cissy wouldn't do much to make sure it stayed fair… the three of us with our toy wands, we really thought we were something.

"Peterson, Avinold."

Cissy and Regulus would give up right away… and Bella and I would pretend we did too. Then Regulus would go take his nap and Cissy would go work on schoolwork or make us dinner and we'd fight to the 'death'. Sirius shook his head sadly. And now someday we might. Because I know she agrees with that lunatic and I know I don't… but she's my cousin. I hate her. I hate her like no one else, because she should've stuck by me no matter where I was Sorted, she was like the sister I never had. Instead she disowned me… but I don't know if it ever came down to it… He looked across the hall to where his brother and his cousin were chatting amiably. I don't think I could kill them.

"Ravenclaw!"

He was shocked to see Bellatrix raise her eyes and look right at him. They narrowed into an unnerving glare and her face contorted into something that reminded Sirius of a warning, a warning to stay far away. Not yet, anyway.
~~*~~

James jumped as he felt someone grab the neck of his robes and pull him into a dark passageway. He calmed immediately as he heard Peter stifle a chuckle. Looking around he saw Remus with a mischievous grin on his face and Sirius looking equally maniacal.

"Well, what're we up to then?" James asked, looking to each of his friends faces.

Remus held up a finger to silence him and gestured to the Gryffindors spilling by in the hallway on their way to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Keep up now, First Years." Emmaline Vance called out. She'd been made Head Girl and was up front with the prefects.

James nodded in recognition. The last thing he wanted was their first prank of the year to be spoiled by Emmaline.

As the commotion the passing students made died down, Sirius produced a tin canister from his robe pocket.

"What's that?"

"My newest invention," Sirius proclaimed proudly. "Abinard powder."

"But you can't touch abinards," Peter replied quickly. "They give you such a severe rash you wind up scratching for weeks, it's a thousand times worse than even the best Muggle itching powder, I mean-" Suddenly his eyes dawned with comprehension. "Wicked. Who're we using it on?"

"That, my friend, depends entirely on old Remmy here. Did you manage to find one?" Sirius looked expectantly at his friend.

"Three, actually. Disiunctus, effringo- but that'll destroy the locks, and, if we're desperate and they don't work, aperio aperire aperui apertum, but that one's pretty advanced. I don't know if we can get it to work. All of that is, of course, assuming a simple old alohomora fails."

Sirius clapped him happily on the back, "Fantastic Remus."

"So we're going where, then?" James asked.

"Quidditch locker rooms."

"Excuse me?"

"Slytherin, my friend, it's all about the Slytherins."

James face broke into a big grin. "Let's go."
~~*~~

"Alright, so apparently alohomora doesn't work," Peter muttered, glaring at the green locker room door.

Remus pulled out his own wand, "Disiunctus!" He pushed at the door, but it refused to budge.

Sirius pushed him out of the way, "Really now, let me try. Effringita!"

"Sirius!" Remus shrieked as a large explosion resulted. "That's the wrong spell."

"Oh hell, he's unconscious," James muttered, kneeling down. "But he's breathing." James let out a sigh of relief. "Peter, take him to the hospital wing, alright? Come up with some story on the way there… clearly the truth won't do. We'll meet up with you when we finish here." He hesitated. "Does anyone remember what he said?"

The other two boys shook their head.

"Fine… Pete, just tell her he was trying to say effringo… clearly he screwed it up. Ahh… tell her we locked him in his trunk and he was trying to get out, that'll work. Madam Pomfrey usually doesn't ask too many questions anyway."

"How'm I going to lift him?" the short chubby wizard eyed the taller one.

"Oh for the love of chocolate… are you a wizard or what?" Remus sighed. "Wingardium Leviosa." Sirius levitated slightly off the floor. "Go on Pete, watch his head."

A moment later the two could see Peter quickly darting towards the castle, a horizontal figure floating next to him.

"Well… I guess it's my turn then," James said, picking up the canister he'd taken out of Sirius's robes. "How do you say it again?"

"Aperio aperire aperui apertum, but if that doesn't work we'll just have to give up."

"Give up? That's not in my vocabulary, Remus. Aperio aperire aperui apertum," James held his wand to the door and both boys were pleasantly surprised to hear the unmistakable click of a lock opening and the door swung itself slightly ajar.

The two boys exchanged accomplished glances and let themselves in.

"Merlin's Hat! Could there be anymore green in here?" James muttered.

"I think a simple alohomora will work on the lockers, James," Remus said, muttering the incantation which caused the locker nearest him to swing open.

"Bode's," Remus said, pulling out the green Slytherin practice uniform. James walked over and unscrewed the lid of the canister.

"Does this stuff have a time limit or anything? It'll be a good week before any of them are out here wearing the stuff."

"Sirius didn't say… I hope not. How much should we use?"

The two boys peered in the canister until James picked it up and unceremoniously dumped about a teaspoon full into the robe up by the neck. Remus picked up the robe and shook it so the powder trickled down the back. They exchanged another accomplished nod and Remus carefully hung the robe back up and shut the locker as James opened the one next to it.

"Avery," James commented and then the two followed the same procedure they'd used on the previous robe. They worked their way around the locker room in near silence until they reached the last locker.

"Not much left," James said as he looked into the canister.

"Well, it's the last robe anyway. Whoever their new Chaser is going to be gets off this time, I guess."

"Who is it?" James asked from across the room, beginning to walk over to where Remus was pulling the robe out of the locker.

"Jenkins."

"The Seek-" James was interrupted as he tripped over one of the benches. In a moment of insanity, he tried to grab the canister to keep it from spilling all over the locker room. He succeeded, but instead of the locker room, what was left of the abinard powder covered his head, arms, and hands and trickled down his robes. Immediately he started scratching and moaning.

"James?" Remus crossed to him quickly. "Oh hell, did you get that muck on you?" Remus groaned. "This was definitely not the most successful prank. Come on then, ack, don't touch me."

Remus crammed Jenkins practice robe back into his locker and summoned the canister right into his pocket so he wouldn't have to touch it.

"Don't make me levitate you back to the castle, James," Remus said calmly, looking down on his writhing friend.

"Oh Merlin, make it stop, make it stop," James yelled.

"Shhhh, you git, you'll get us caught. You've got to get up and walk. Madam Pomfrey can probably fix it. Get up!"

James unsteadily got to his feet and doubled right back over.

"No, no, no. We need to get out of here. Filch will find us soon, he always does. We need to go, come on Potter," Remus grumbled, glaring at his friend. "I really hate you, you know." Remus tried to secure his robe as tight to himself as he could before wrapping an arm around James and hauling him to the door. "I swear, if I get any of the powder on me, you'll never hear the end of it."

Halfway across the lawn James began to ramble incoherently and Remus began to swear loudly.

"Bloody son of a sea dragon, when I get my hands on him, laced the bloody thing with alihotsy, didn't he? And when was he going to tell us about this? Alihotsy and abinards." Remus growled. "I knew this wasn't going to work out well."

Just as they made it to the steps of the castle, James stopped short, still scratching himself madly, but looked Remus clearly in the eye.

"What James?"

"Something about tulips, wasn't it?"

Remus rolled his eyes and groaned, putting his arm around his friend to guide him through the castle. "Yes James, something about the tulips." Remus humored him as his friend continued to scratch and mutter about tulips.

About ten minutes later, the bizarre duo made it to the Hospital Wing, where Madam Pomfrey tutted at them both but, fortunately, admitted them without asking many questions.

"Did he eat an abinard?" she asked Remus.

"Er… powdered abinard on his skin."

She nodded and began to lead James towards a bed. At this point, James began to sing.

"Fifty nifty nifflers flying on a broom, round and round and round the room…"

"I think there might have been some alihotsy in it too, Madam."

"…until he ran into the man on the moon! Forty nine nifty nifflers flying on a broom…"

Madam Pomfrey gave Remus a very dry look. "Clearly."

Remus listened as James made it to forty two nifty nifflers and Madam Pomfrey came back to give him a potion.

"Drink this, Mr. Potter."

Remus's eyes widened as he heard a crash that sounded like someone knocking over a tray.

"Give me all your pocket lint or the dog gets it!"

"Do put your wand down, Mr. Potter and drink this potion."

"The nifflers ate the tulips, Professor McGonagall, but it really wasn't my fault! The man on the moon told them too do it and I can't speak Scandinavian, so they told me to eat the bacon on the fourth of July." Remus heard James burst into tears. "I'm really sorry, ma'am. I'll never skin a bobotuber on a Tuesday again."

"Very well, Mr. Potter. Just drink the potion."

There was a moment of silence and then another thud. After that Madam Pomfrey walked out of the curtained area.

"Still here, Mr. Lupin? Well off to the Common Room with you. Mr. Pettigrew is already back there. Your friends will be just fine in a bit. Mr. Potter will sleep this off and Mr. Black's wings will fall off sometime tomorrow."

At the words 'Mr. Black's wings', Remus turned to look for Sirius and saw his unconscious shape lying two beds over from the curtained off area where James was. Sure enough, at some point since Remus had last seen him, Sirius had sprouted wings.

"Ahem, Mr. Lupin. Leave."

"Yes, ma'am." Remus quickly turned and headed down the hallway towards the Gryffindor Common Room, trying to figure out how he was going to get in and then started laughing at the recollection of James singing. He could give a banshee a run for her galleons, he chuckled, a happy bounce in his step.