Fish Feet
"Ah ha!" James collapsed onto his bed next to the small fawn that he had just transfigured from his desk. Sirius was looking at the puppy next to him in a state resembling rapture. Peter was glaring at his desk as its legs had changed into small feet and ears were sticking out of the side, but it was far from a complete transfiguration.
"You lot had better change them back," Remus warned, rushing through the door. "Frank was mentioning that he's ready for bed down in the Common Room and Beamish is looking for you, James."
"Primer spell number seven, Remmy, seven." Sirius grinned manically and reached down to pet the small puppy.
Remus just shook his head and set about trying to help Peter corner his desk.
"What's this?"
The four boys stopped with guilty looks on their faces and glanced towards the door.
Frank Longbottom stood in the doorway gesturing at the small menagerie residing in his dormitory.
"Would it be too much to ask you to either get in or out and shut the bloody door?" Remus snapped irritably as he stunned Peter's desk.
Frank appeared on the verge of leaving the room when he seemed to change his mind and enter instead. Upon closing the door, he asked, "What are you lot up to?"
"Er. attempting to return our desks to their natural states." James explained, his countercharm bouncing off the fawn in a ray of light blue light. "Why isn't it working?"
"You know Beamish is on his way up here?" Frank informed the boys.
"We know," Peter moaned. "This is not the time to have him in here, I can already hear the points being taken."
"I can't believe that prat went and got himself made Prefect," Sirius mused, attempting to corral the puppy that was now running in circles around his feet.
The boys all froze as there was a knock on the door.
"Hide them." James picked up the fawn and swiftly carried it to the bathroom, while calling over his shoulder, "Just a moment."
Remus and Peter quickly chased the desk into the bathroom and remained in there with it and Frank scooped up the puppy and followed them in, closing the door behind him just as the main door to their room opened.
"What the bloody hell are you doing in here, Potter?"
"Nothing," the two boys chorused in unison.
Alan opened his mouth as though he were about to question them and then closed it as he apparently thought better than to do so. Sirius started to make a move towards the door but Alan stopped him.
"This might interest you too, Black. We're looking for a reserve Beater, you know."
The three boys stood in the center of the room as a loud thud resounded from the bathroom. Beamish quickly swiveled his head and stared at the door as another thud caused it to shake.
"What the bloody-"
"Peter," Sirius said quickly. "Really bad stomach bug it seems. We think someone might've tried to poison him in Potions, unlucky bugger."
Alan quirked an eyebrow but turned his attention back to the boys. "Try-outs this weekend, in the morning. Spread the word around, I want all of the returning team members there. We need a new Seeker, we didn't even have a reserve."
"Right, sure Alan," James agreed quickly, trying to get him to leave the room.
Another thud sounded. "Are you sure he's alright in there? As a Prefect, I feel-"
"Fine, fine, he's fine," Sirius muttered quickly. "Be right embarrassed if we bothered him now, I imagine."
"We'll check up on him in a bit if he's not doing better," James added, opening the main door to their room for Alan to leave.
Just as he was walking out, the loud, shrill yelp of a pup resounded through the room.
"What the-"
"Night, Alan," the two boys quickly chorused together as they shut the door in his face. They exchanged a grimace and waited to see if he would pound on the door and insist reentering the room. A moment later they both let out large sighs and ran for the bathroom.
~~*~~
"Where's Peter?" Remus asked, looking to James.
"Better yet, where's Sirius?"
"This can't be good."
"Never is."
The two boys were standing outside the Great Hall.
"Come to think of it," James mused, "I haven seen Sirius since Care of Magical Creatures this morning."
"And Peter didn't come with us after Ancient Runes," Remus added. "I suppose we ought to try and find them. Make sure they haven't blown anything up."
"Or we could help them blow whatever it is up." James grinned and the two started off down the hall. James quickly noticed that Remus was walking slower than usual, rubbing slightly at his head. "Are you alright, mate?"
Remus grinned wryly. "Bloody moon," was all he said. "Alright if we stop in the infirmary for a potion?"
"Yeah, of course," James replied, quickly changing direction to head towards the Hospital Wing. If Remus was actually admitting he was in pain, it had to be pretty bad.
The two boys entered and Madam Pomfrey came bustling over, beginning to pull at their legs and peer into their eyes trying to determine what was wrong.
"I just need a headache potion, Madam," Remus quickly interjected as she grabbed his wrist to take his pulse.
Her eyes grew sympathetic as she glanced over towards some of the many charts on one of the walls, among them a calendar and a lunar chart. "Of course, Mr. Lupin. Sit down a moment." She gestured to one of the many seats. Over the quiet of the infirmary, a voice broke out.
"Is it supposed to tingle like this?" followed quickly by a very nervous, very familiar chuckle from someone else.
"Sirius?" Remus asked quietly looking to James.
"Peter?" James responded in turn, looking towards the other end of the room where the curtains were drawn around a bed.
The silence was broken again a second later, "Bloody hell, don't take them out of the water you git, they'll die. What'll you do then?"
"But," Sirius wheezed, "it tickles. Oh sweet Merlin, it tickles."
The other two Marauders exchanged curious glances and quickly got to their feet. They crossed the room quickly and pulled back the corner of the curtain to find Peter trying to keep Sirius's legs in what appeared to be a large fish tank.
James felt his eyes widen as he saw exactly why it was so imperative that Sirius keep his legs in the fish tank. At the end of them, where his feet once resided, were now two large, flopping rainbow trout, clearly not happy with the situation at hand.
"Merlin's Beard! What happened to you?" Remus broke the silence, causing all three of the other boys to jump.
"Er." Peter stammered but used Sirius's momentary distraction to grab at his calves and plunge them back into the water.
Sirius growled and spit out through gritted teeth, "Snape."
"Excuse me? Snape?" Remus asked, stepping forward, closer to the bed.
Sirius started to double up again and twitch, "Holy Harpies, this is going to kill me." He started wheezing and Peter grabbed for his feet.
"He needs to keep the bloody things submerged or they'll die. Snape used some bloody charm that Madam Pomfrey needs to research before she can undo it without hurting him. Until then, the fish need to stay alive. She thought she figured it out before and gave him this bloody potion, but all it does is make him itchy." Peter made a futile grab for Sirius's leg before he added dryly, "We reckon she was wrong."
James, still standing at the curtain shook his head slightly in disbelief at the scene unraveling before him. "Well I'll be a troll's second cousin. Snape did this? That old prat?"
"Yes," Peter hissed, plunging one of the wriggling fish back into the water as Remus grabbed at Sirius's other leg.
James took a step towards the bed also with a strange look on his face, a second later he lost it completely as he began to laugh so loud it sounded like he was howling. Remus dropped Sirius's leg and grabbed at his head, as he did so, Sirius twitched, shot out his leg and one of the fish slapped Remus across the face with its tail. James saw this and tumbled to the ground, laughing so hard that the howls began to subside until he was just a wheezing, shaking ball curled up on the ground.
The curtain shook and was pulled open abruptly as Madam Pomfrey's stern voice called out, "What is going on here?"
The four boys looked at her guiltily. "Sorry, Madam Pomfrey," they all chimed. Then Peter and Remus both grabbed for one of Sirius's legs to jam back into the fish tank.
The matronly woman shook her head. "Mr. Potter, do take Mr. Lupin's spot and be of some use. Here is your potion, Mr. Lupin." She handed him a steaming goblet. Remus glared miserably at it for a mere second and then downed contents in one gulp, gagged, and then handed the goblet back to Madam Pomfrey.
"Thank you, Madam," he managed.
She nodded briskly, dug into her pocket and then offered him a small bar of candy, "Chocolate is your preference, if I recall correctly, Mr. Lupin?"
He offered her a smile, "Yes, ma'am."
"Well then, eat all of that. It'll dull the taste." She didn't even need to tell him as Remus was already breaking off a piece and cramming it into his mouth. "If you're going to be helpful," she stopped to glare at James, "then you two may stay and aide your friend."
"Yes, Madam," James and Remus, mouth full of chocolate, chorused together.
She nodded abruptly and left the boys, calling out behind her, "No worries, Mr. Black, I suspect I've nearly found the spell. Are you positive you don't remember what you said?"
"I was just trying to turn my friend's toad into a book, ma'am. All I know is that I botched the spell," Sirius wheezed loudly in her direction in between giggles.
"Very well." The boys heard her precise footsteps retreat.
"Oh Merlin, it's worse than a tickling charm," Sirius moaned, lifting his feet from the tank once more.
"Would you leave your bloody feet in the bloody tank you bloody madman," Peter groaned, grabbing for both his legs as James tried to assist him.
Remus turned to Peter as Sirius tried to pull his feet from the tank and curl up in the fetal position on the bed. "How did this happen again?"
"Snape just walked by and hexed him. I reckon he would've hit whichever one of us was closer. And it's a nasty little hex, if these bloody fish die, Sirius won't be able to walk anymore," he turned his attention to Sirius. "You hear that, you git? So put your bloody feet back in the bloody water!"
Sirius moaned and actually helped the two boys shove his feet back in the tank.
"Because it's not as though we've given him absolutely no reason to want to attack any of us," Remus commented sourly. "Had it coming, we did."
"Excuse me?" Sirius hissed, sitting straight up, plunging his feet deeper into the fish tank. "We? I only see me sitting here with bloody fish feet."
"True," Remus amended. "But, as Peter pointed out, he just hit the first one of us he saw."
Sirius glared and started to twitch again. James and Peter both firmly grabbed his legs to keep them submerged.
"What're you lot doing here, anyway?" Sirius moaned, trying to pull up his legs, but being prevented from doing so by Peter and James.
"Headache potion." he gestured in the direction of the wall with all the charts so the boys would get the idea.
"But that's more than a week off," Peter looked concerned.
Remus shrugged, "Sometimes it's worse than other times."
"Pretty soon we'll be able to keep you c-c-company," Sirius wheezed. "Maybe then th-th-the m-m-m-oon-y won't seem s-s-s-so," he paused to gasp for air, "bad." He let out a loud groan. "It's g-g-getting worse."
James stepped back with a thoughtful look on his face. He fingered his wand carefully, appeared to be thinking something over and then looked to his friend. "Want us to stun you?"
"What?" Sirius spit out. "S-s-stun me?"
"Well, you won't be able to move then, so we'll be able to get your feet to stay in the tank and it'll probably stop you from itching. I don't think you can feel much of anything when you're stunned."
"No th-th-t-t-thank you," Sirius wheezed.
The boys continued the struggle to keep Sirius's feet in the fish tank, all three getting slapped repeatedly by the angry trout and all four of their moods sinking faster and faster.
"We're going to be late to class soon," James replied, glancing at his watch for a moment before getting drenched as Remus forcefully shoved Sirius's leg back into the tank.
As he said that, the boys all heard the clear clicks of shoes approaching the bed. Madam Pomfrey came through the curtain holding what appeared to be three dead, moldy flowers.
"Dittany?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Er, no thanks Madame, I'll keep the fish. Really though, it's quite alright."
"Mr. Black, you will eat all three of these plants, they should cure the effects of the potion I gave you. Then I need to make a quick trip down to Professors Sprout and Nackle we'll have you fix up right as rain. These had better be gone when I return, Mr. Black." Madam Pomfrey placed them on the table next to the bed and turned. The boys listened to the clicking of her retreating steps and the opening and closing of the door to the infirmary.
"I'm not eating that," Sirius glared at the plants. He was then overcome by the tickling sensation and started thrashing around again. Remus and James both grabbed at his legs to make sure the fish stayed in the water.
"Oh yes, you are," Peter replied vehemently, grabbing one of the flowers and handing it to Sirius. "Eat it, or I swear on Merlin's name, I'll cram it down your throat, you prat."
Sirius's eyes widened at this. Threats from Peter were rare.
"I've hauled you all the way up here, helped you keep from losing your feet, been kicked by you repeatedly, been attacked by the bloody trout at the end of your leg and I'm thoroughly drenched. I actually want to go to class rather than be here. Now, eat. the. bloody. dittany." Peter thrust his arm out and shook it while still holding the flower.
Sirius glared at his friend and then took the disgusting plant, peering intently at it.
"All three."
Sirius narrowed his eyes at Peter even more.
"It's for your own good, you know." Remus tried to interject as he grabbed at Sirius's flailing leg.
"It's for all our own good, you self-centered git." James said, apparently content on continuing his rant until the trout at the end of Sirius's right leg smacked him good and hard in the mouth. "Eat it," James roared.
Sirius's shoulders slumped as he clearly gave in and, making a face, crammed as much of the flower into his mouth as he could. Gagging, he swallowed and crammed in the rest, shooting out his hand for the next one, which Peter quickly handed to him. This continued for about a minute until the three flowers were gone and Sirius had turned a light shade of green.
"I think I'm going to be sick," he moaned, grabbing at his stomach.
"Well, if you throw it up, you'll just have to eat three more," Remus rationalized calmly.
The other three boys showed immense signs of relief as Sirius, although still green, sat up and calmly shoved his feet back into the fish tank on his own. Peter collapsed into the chair next to the bed as Remus and James plopped down on either side of Sirius.
At this point, James' shoulders began to hitch and the boy burst into laughter again.
The other three stared at him incredulously.
"Well bloody hell mate, you've got fish on your feet. Who would've thought Snape had a sense of humor?"
Slowly, grins crossed the other three boy's faces and by the time Madam Pomfrey returned all four of them were in a state of near hysterics laughing. As she brought Sirius his potion, James was sure she heard her mutter something along the lines of, 'bloody lunatics those boys. each and every one. a miracle they haven't killed themselves yet. but they're always there for each other.' James, unsure whether he heard the last part correctly, looked to the other Marauders, but apparently they hadn't been paying any attention to Madam Pomfrey's regular ramblings. Deciding he'd heard her correctly, he smiled as he, Remus, and Peter were shooed out of the Hospital Wing and off to class, leaving a calm and amused Sirius behind whose feet were slowly going through a reverse transfiguration process.
Author's Note: Sorry, sorry, sorry for that horrible initial attempt at coding. My computer hates me recently. And, once again, sorry for the wait. I know I promised the whole story during the break (or did I... I might've just said I'd work on it more now)... I don't know that I'll be able to keep it, but I am going to keep writing this thing. Happy reading!
