Castaways on a Sullen Sea
By weasleywheezes
Chapter 19 – Holidays Abroad
Christmas time had returned to England. The Weasley household was bursting with activity, full now that Hermione was staying with the family for the holidays. Ginny had elected to continue at Hogwarts ("I felt my duty as Head Girl would be neglected if I didn't"), but her presence was not missed. The rowdy twins, Ron, and Harry all ran to the back yard, playing Quidditch in the snow. Charlie was regaling Arthur with stories of dragons, while Bill, Percy, and Molly were sitting in the living room, discussing Ron's recent dating fiasco. Hermione was alone, but she preferred it that way. This year, Christmas would not have the glow that it previously had.
She stared into the fire in the kitchen and became lost in thought. Gromnett always stoked the fire at Snape Manor, but she had taken over the responsibility at the Burrow. It gave her something to do, something to take her mind off the last year of her life. The fire popped and sizzled from the fresh piece of wood Hermione had placed in it. The warmth drew her in closer, until she was sitting inches from the grate. The warmth of the fire caused her to think about Christmases with her parents at their house, how happy she was with them.
The mother stacked the bundles, one on top of the other. There were a few sweaters, some argyle socks, a pair of saddle shoes, a doll and an electronic map of the stars that shown onto the ceiling. The father, dressed in a wool sweater and trousers, bent down to the tree and pulled a brightly wrapped gift from behind of it.
The mother, dressed in a chenille robe and fuzzy bunny slippers, spied the father suspiciously. "Lionel, what's this?"
"Maris, don't start. I'll give you your special present later," he said, and winked at her.
Maris smiled. She put her hand on her daughter's shoulder and lightly squeezed. "Hermione, let go of that doll. Look at Daddy."
"My precious, you have one more present, and this is a special one from Daddy. Open it…"
The little frizz haired girl sat cross-legged on the floor, shards of wrapping paper all around her. She ripped into the last present placed in front of her. Inside was a chemistry set.
"Lionel! She's six years old, for Christ's sakes!" Maris smiled despite herself.
Lionel stood up, subconsciously dusting off his pants. "Maris, darling, Hermione is bright enough for this. She's bright enough for anything. Our little girl will change the world one day. Look at her. She's already wanting to start making secret potions…"
"Hermione! Are you all right?" It was Bill who found her on the floor, wailing in front of the fireplace. He called for Ron and Harry. Ron ran into the kitchen. He cradled Hermione in his arms, picked her up and carried her upstairs to Ginny's room.
"Hermione, what's the matter?" Ron asked.
She whimpered a bit, wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve. "I never cried for my mother, Ron."
"You're crying now."
"It's too late. I cried for Severus but I never cried for my mother." She broke down into fresh tears.
He hugged her tighly and smoothed the hair out of her face. "It's never too late, Hermione. Tell you what, why don't you take a nap? Before you know it, it'll be time for dinner. Roast goose always makes me feel better," Ron smiled at her and left the room. Hermione fell asleep.
Molly entered the room a few hours later. She closed the door tightly and sat on the edge of Ginny's bed. Hermione was still asleep, clutching the blanket next to her. Molly smiled. She still needed a mother and father, she thought. It pained her that Hermione couldn't see the concern and love that she and Arthur had for her. She gently shook her awake. "Hermione, dearie, we're nearly ready to open gifts. Will you join us?"
Hermione rubbed her eyes, yawned. "Mrs. Weasley, how long have I been asleep?"
"A few hours. You looked like you needed a good rest. I can't keep the boys waiting much longer. I think Fred and George are going to torment Percy for fun if I don't get their presents to them. Molly and Hermione walked downstairs, and Molly took her place next to her husband. Hermione sat next to Ron, Harry on the other side of him. Each one of the boys was wearing one of Molly's terrible Weasley jumpers. Fred and George sat beside them, and Hermione knew they were wearing the wrong sweaters by the looks on their faces. Percy, Bill, and Charlie did not wear their sweaters, but were dressed in comfortable clothes, Bill looking as if he had just Apparated from Fleet Street. Hermione noticed that Molly was wearing a green velveteen dress with old, moth-eaten lace, and that Arthur was wearing a threadbare gown with what looked like poinsettia stitched on it. Although she knew that the Weasleys were poor, she had never thought they were this impoverished.
There were gifts wrapped in shiny foil paper and bright colours. Arthur took his place as head of household, handing out boxes to the oldest children first, then to the twins, and finally to Ron. Molly grinned at Harry and Hermione. "Don't think we didn't forget you lot, either," she joked, as she passed a few boxes their way.
Harry ripped into his gifts first. Inside he found a large quantity of homemade fudge and a sweater with an "H" emblazoned in the middle, the same gifts he received from the Weasleys every year. Hermione knew she would probably receive similar gifts, but looked forward to opening them anyway. She tore the wrapping off one. It was a toffee egg, handmade by Mrs. Weasley. She smiled and thanked her, then began unwrapping the next gift. Instead of a sweater, however, she saw a vintage witch's peak hat, with netting and a few feathers. She was shocked. The hat was obviously from the turn of the century, perhaps older. She wondered where Molly and Arthur had gotten such a beautiful hat, and why they would give it to her. Before she opened her mouth to speak, however, Arthur began talking.
"Hermione, love, don't you like it?"
"Of course I like it," she stammered. "I was just wondering…"
"We didn't go to a lot of trouble. It used to belong to Arthur's grandmother," Molly explained.
Hermione's eyes grew wide. She put the hat on her head. Charlie and Bill made catcalls to her; Harry and Ron whistled, and Percy turned a light pink in appreciation. "But it's an heirloom…"
"Ginny didn't want it. Arthur thought you might like to have it," Molly said. Arthur nodded in agreement.
Hermione leapt to her feet and ran to Arthur, giving him a tight hug. She did the same to Molly. "Thank you so much. It's the nicest thing anyone's done for me."
Arthur smiled. "Hermione, you're part of our family. I hope you never forget that."
Ron grabbed Hermione by the shoulder and motioned to her to go upstairs with him. She walked into his room and sat on the bed while he dug around in his tallboy. He handed her a small box. "Open it," he said.
Hermione did as Ron asked, and found a gold filigree fountain pen with an amethyst embedded near the top. "Do you like it?" Ron asked awkwardly.
"It's…" For once, Hermione's extensive vocabulary failed her. She sat on the bed, mouth agape, staring at the gift Ron had given her.
"Please don't think I'm trying to buy your emotions," Ron said slowly, remembering the fight the two had the last time he had given her an extravagant gift. "I saw this in a Muggle shop, and I thought you'd like it. Don't tell Harry. I didn't get him anything like this. He'll get jealous."
"Ron… why?"
He shrugged. "Just felt like it."
Hermione closed the lid on the box and held onto the package with a firm grip. "Ron, it's beautiful, but I just don't know if I should accept it. What if your parents find out? What if Harry finds out? Or your brothers?"
"Who cares? Besides, I felt guilty."
"Guilty? Why?"
Ron sat next to her on the bed. "I've been treating you like dragon's dung ever since I found out about you and Professor Snape. I just… I… oh, bloody hell." He stumbled through his apology. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm not accepting it, though. I hate it; I don't understand it. But I'll always be there for you."
---
Severus wrapped the cloak around him tightly. The wind was vicious around the lake, whipping up the freshly fallen snow that blanketed Hogwarts' grounds. The youngest Weasley was still there, staying behind with the young students for Christmas holidays. Such kindness, he thought. It would be like something Hermione would do.
Hermione seemed to dominate every thought Severus had. She haunted his dreams every night. When he looked into the sea of students he taught, it was her eyes that looked back at him. He had tried to disregard her, but it was wasted energy on his part. When she wrote the letter a few weeks back, he knew that it was too late. There was a bond between them, something that could not be broken. As much as he tried to forget, Severus knew that there was something he and Hermione would share. He wanted to share more with her.
Severus never wanted to change because the problems it would impose on his position as an emissary. He exuded the confidence of an arrogant son of a bitch, but deep inside, he knew that he was nothing but a damaged, broken man who was afraid of truly living. She had brought out the better angels in his nature, a thing that was still novel and frightening to him. She had changed him in ways he never thought possible. He missed her. He missed her quiet yawns, the click of her knitting needles, the soft, even breathing when she fell asleep in the chair in front of the fireplace. He glanced toward the castle, thinking of the puddings and roasted goose that waited for him at the Head Table. He looked to the north, knowing Hermione Granger was spending another Christmas with the Weasley clan. "Oh, blast it all," Severus muttered, and trudged toward the castle. He would not be having Christmas dinner alone tonight, if he had his way.
---
The Weasleys were sitting around the parlour energetically singing Christmas carols. The knock on the door would have been missed completely had it not been for Percy walking into the kitchen for a fresh glass of milk. "Dad? There's someone at the door. You want me to get it?" he yelled.
"Sure, sure, son!" Arthur replied as the group broke into "The Carol of the Bells".
Percy, juggling the glass of milk and a huge stack of shortbread in one hand, opened the door. "Professor Snape!" he exclaimed. "Uh, Happy Christmas, sir! Won't you come in?"
Severus nodded curtly and walked into the house. Percy ran into the other room, which suddenly became very quiet. Arthur rushed into the kitchen, Molly following close behind him.
"Severus, may I ask why you've decided to ruin our holiday, or should I assume I know the answer?" Arthur inquired.
Snape dusted the snow off of his shoulders and drew himself to his full height, looking Arthur squarely in the eyes. "Arthur, Molly, Happy Christmas. I have come to enjoy it with you. I trust that Miss Granger is here?"
"It's clear that you're not here to spend the holidays with us," Molly replied, "but I will ask Hermione if she wants you to stay." She left to discuss the situation with Hermione.
Arthur and Severus stared at each other. "Snape, do you understand how badly you hurt Hermione the last time you graced my doorway?" Severus nodded in the affirmative. Arthur continued, "I just want to say that if you hurt her again, I will not be so kind to you."
"If my presence here is so unsavoury, I would be more than willing to leave," Severus said silkily. He looked down at his shoe. What if Hermione was still upset with him for the way he left her at the Burrow? What if she was angry with him for not replying to the owl she sent? Would she want to see him? A small current of fear ran through him and the seconds felt like hours. Finally, he saw her on the other side of the doorway. Arthur and Molly left the room, and Severus and Hermione were alone. Both were silent for a long while.
"You received my owl?"
"Yes. Miss Granger…" He put his hands on her shoulders, bent down to smell her hair. She looked up, her mouth scant inches from his.
"Don't talk." She kissed him.
To Severus, the kiss was life. It was water to his parched soul. He drank her in deeply, but abruptly broke away. His hands were still on her shoulders.
"Hermione, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't stay; I'm sorry I didn't respond to your letter."
She smiled. "I never thought you would come back, Severus."
Her candour warmed his heart. Severus allowed a brief smile to cross his face. "I couldn't stay away any longer. I had to tell you."
Hermione put her finger to his lips. "Shhh," she cooed, much as he had done to her so many months ago. "You don't have to say."
"But I must." He took her hand in his, led her to the kitchen table. He brushed her hair away from her face. She wiped her eyes; still glistening with the tears she had shed. Severus handed her his wand and said gently, "Take it. You know what to do."
Hermione grabbed his wand and calmly said, "Legilmens." She saw him sitting by her side next to the roaring fire, their hands intertwined. The sound of her tears matched with Severus' own weeping. She saw his hands trembling as he read the letters she sent him over and over. She thought she heard "I love you" in his voice. She shook her head. Everything was getting blurry, hazy. She was roused back to the present.
Hermione heard him whisper, "Do you hear me, Miss Granger? God knows I've tried not to, but I can't help it". Severus lifted her hand to his lips, softly kissing each finger, the palm of her hand and her slender wrist. "Hermione, I've missed you."
She shivered. "That's all I wanted to hear, Severus."
In the living room, the Weasleys, along with Harry, sat quietly while Hermione and Snape talked. They were surprised at the turn of events, with Percy expressing his outrage over the situation. Charlie and Bill were more level-headed. Arthur was stoic. Molly and Harry whispered to themselves, while Ron sat in relative silence.
"I cannot believe he had the nerve to show up here," Harry grimaced.
"I wonder if she knows what she's getting into," Percy said. "He's a teacher, and she was his student! It's unacceptable!"
"It's her life, Percy," Bill said evenly. "She's not a student any longer. She's free to see whomever she chooses."
"It's disgusting," Molly said. Harry shook his head in agreement.
"I concur with Bill," Charlie said. "Who are we to say what she can and cannot do?"
Various Weasleys murmured heatedly with one another until Arthur cleared his throat. The family became quiet. "No matter what we might feel personally about it," he began, and stared directly at Molly and Harry, "we cannot treat Hermione any less than we would if she were dating another Hogwarts student. Bill is correct in saying that it is Hermione's right to decide. Percy is correct in looking into the moral and ethical quandaries that Hermione faces.
"But let me be clear about this. Hermione is part of this family, and as Weasleys, I should expect that each and every one of you treat her the same way you would treat your brothers and sister. I can't say I'm happy with Hermione's judgment, but I will support her."
Percy heard the squeak of the wooden floor jamb and quieted everybody. "Someone's headed this way!" he hissed.
Hermione appeared at the door. She looked into the faces of those assembled in the parlour, those people she loved and cared about. She saw shock, confusion, and in some cases, rage. Hermione looked at Arthur, who was sitting on the edge of his chair, tight lipped. She smiled weakly at him. "I've… I've decided to, um, go to Hogwarts with Professor Snape for the rest of the holiday. This evening. I, um, I'll give Ginny any message you'd like."
Harry stood up and left the room, followed closely by Percy. Hermione heard their angry steps up the stairs and the slamming of doors. She knew that her announcement was not popular. "I'll help you pack, Hermione," Bill said. He stood up and held out his hand to her. Charlie soon followed, and she embraced him.
The three swiftly packed her duffel. Bill and Charlie gave her hugs and went to their rooms. She started down the stairs but stopped, knocked on Ron's door. She heard Harry mutter something irritably, but Ron welcomed her in.
"I just wanted to say goodbye," she began awkwardly. "I'll be back right before school starts again. Do you want me to send a message to Ginny, Harry? Ron, do you?"
Harry turned away from her. Ron grabbed her, held onto her hands. "Hermione, no matter what, you're still my best friend. Now, get out of here." He smiled at her. Hermione could hear Harry's clear "hrmph!" from the corner.
"Harry. Harry, listen to me. I'm sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention." Then she left, presumably downstairs to return to Hogwarts with Snape.
Ron closed the door behind her and turned toward his friend. His ears were glowing red with anger. "Harry Potter, you selfish bastard," Ron began.
"Selfish! Selfish! She takes off with... with…him! I thought maybe she'd get over this hero worship of him, but now it's gone too far! It's bloody Snape! He's nearly killed me as many times as he's saved me, and she knows it! I cannot forgive her for this fling she's having with him!" Harry spat his words out viciously. "Just because her parents have died doesn't mean she's got a free pass to act as recklessly as she wants to!"
"Take that back!" Ron snarled. "We're talking about her mom and dad. You were just as stupid when Sirius died, and you only knew him for a few years. You were a sorry son of a bitch for a long time, Harry, and who stood by you? Hermione did. Not me, I couldn't handle your crap, but Hermione could. She was always there for you, and when she needs you by her side, you dump her! You ungrateful… get the hell out of my room!"
Harry stood out in the hall as Ron slammed the door in his face. "Fine! Take her side, Ron. I knew you would! You're so blind to your love for her that you can't see what she's doing! I don't care!"
Ron opened the door, threw out a handful of Harry's things into the hallway. "Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about. I'm not taking her side, you dolt! I'm doing what's right." He slammed the door again.
Harry sat in the entryway, his clothes strewn over the floor; feathers flying out of the pillow that Ron hurled against the wall. He had his head in his hands. Ron was probably right about this, he thought. Hermione was the one who stood by him all through school, and here he was abandoning her. It was all Snape's fault. He wanted to punch him, to hex him beyond recognition. Harry tried to think about what would make Hermione claim she was in love with Professor Snape, but he couldn't picture it. He couldn't think at all.
He wished Ginny were there. She always knew what to say to help him understand a girl's point of view. All he had was Ron, and that thread was tenuously held. "Best to sleep on it tonight," he said to himself. "Tomorrow, I'll tell Ron I'm sorry."