Author's Notes (A/N): Okay. Maybe I'm just an insensitive, apathetic freak, but is it wrong to think that if a character in your story is physically 10 years younger than someone he used to like, and that person has been away from home due to college and stuff for six years, and there's no way they could ever get together unless it was 70 years ago in the times of arranged marriages, that he could forget her? Oh yeah, ...and she's DEAD. Sorry about the massive anti-Ran-ness, but I really don't like S/R (bet you hadn't figured that out yet), and if Aoyama-sama wrote S/S, I wouldn't have to!
Someone said that I wrote as if Ai dislikes Conan, so there are some thoughts in this chapter. They kinda seem OOC, but these are just thoughts, not words or actions.

Disclaimer: Recognize it? Yeah, I don't own that. ...or that. ...or that, either. ::sigh:: I own nothing but the plot of this story. There's a blatant rip off Alexandre Dumas somewhere in there, but that's only because Dumas possesses one of the brightest minds ever to grace the face of the planet; I mean... I worship The Count of Monte Cristo. Can't say anything about the Musketeers series, since I've never read the unabridged versions.

L[a]DyP[a]R[a]No[i]D: Yeah, I know what you're talking about (school system)... I don't know... it just didn't occur to me at all to write it like that. Hmm... the way I write S/S fics, Conan's always the one who likes Ai. Dunno, just turns out like that. As for "where they really stand"... I'm not even sure myself, lol. As I mentioned in the response to some reviews that expressed...disappointment over Ran's death, that picture isn't complete yet... he actually planned everything out, but one tiny thing went wrong, and... Anyways, even if it was a flame, I don't mind... flames usually point out flaws in the story. It'll be in one of his (meaning Conan's) journal entries or something.

The Quandary

Chapter 5

"We have first lunch," Conan said as he and Ai calmly walked into the gymnasium, "which means we have to be back here by 1:25, giving us-"

"45 minutes," Haibara finished for him.

Conan grinned, shaking his head. How could I forget her brilliance? "Yeah, they give us way too much time to eat," he admitted, glancing down at the light reflected from the newly finished basketball court. A small movement caught his eye and he looked up, noticing that the students of a gym class nearby had risen from their seats and were heading outside with no particular regard to formation. "Hey, hurry up... we'll just pretend we're with them until we get outside."

Wordlessly, the two quickened their pace to a slight jog, managing to slip into the back of the group. They followed the class down the halls, partially listening to the chattering of the other students.

"Turn here," Conan whispered, breaking away from the group.

They reached a set of doors at the end of the hallway, and exited the building. Instantly, Ai brought her hand to her face to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun. Conan, drenched in the warmth of the sun's rays, turned to the right and glanced at Haibara before breaking into a slow jog. "Come on, it's just a mile or so down this way.

A few minutes later, they saw a lit sign proudly screaming "Buddy's" in the distance. A cool blast of air greeted them, a much-appreciated reprieve from the sweltering heat of midday as Conan pushed the door open, stepping aside to allow Ai to enter first. She flashed him an appreciative smile and stepped in. Conan found himself beaming like an idiot, surprised Haibara hadn't noticed the joy radiating from within him.

"Hello, and welcome to Buddy's. How may I help you?" A cashier asked, staring at the cash register.

"I'll take a veggie burger with a Peachy Sprite," Ai said softly after carefully scrutinizing the menu. She stepped aside to allow Conan to order, and caught herself staring at his profile: shocks of jet-black hair that, despite the unkempt appearance, never failed to catch glances of admiration, small nose, clear, limpid, sapphire eyes that always attracted and held her attention, and his childish grin that made everything seem all right.

"Uh... I want a hamburger with a Cherry 7-Up," Conan finished his order and reached into his pocket. Taking out his wallet, he paid the cashier and moved aside.

Taking the food, Conan and Ai headed outside where the tables stood.

Haibara reached for her drink, but Conan sat fidgeting, occasionally sending Ai an awkward glance.

"So... what do you think of school so far?" Conan asked, having finally thought of a topic to discuss.

"Boring... the only interesting part of the day so far is sneaking out and having lunch." Haibara smiled at her own statement, causing Conan to give a start. It was a true smile, brightening Ai's usually impassive features, which spread a warmth throughout Conan that jolted him to reality with a startling fruition - he would trudge through all eighteen levels of Hell and back for that smile. It was as if Haibara's smile had a contagious quality to it; Conan could not resist the forces tugging at the corners of his mouth, and broke out into a beaming smile.

Haibara noted his grin with a raised eyebrow, concealing her emotions so well that not even Conan could tell that she would venture into the depths of the Organization's base and back for that smile, the smile that had become her guiding light in times of darkness. Wait... what did I just think?! Haibara shook her head gently, sending strands of strawberry blonde hair into a mesmerizing saltation as she tried to clear her mind. I do not think that smile is worth such danger, I do not think Shini--KUDO is cute... where did that come from? Why am I trying to refute what has not been established? That wasn't something I was thinking unconsciously, was it? Of course not; Shiho Miyano does not allow pathetic emotions to leave flaws and weaknesses... Shiho Miyano does not feel; she exists only to think, to listen to the logical path set forth by her calm, unaffected mind. She does not fall prey to imperfections such as emotions. But from a far corner of her mind, a small voice whispered, "Can't you let the façade down for one day, one day, and just be Ai Haibara?"

"No..." Before she realized it, a sorrowful whisper had escaped her lips in brazen defiance of the voice urging her from her all she knew, persuading her to step out of the role of cold, heartless genius that she'd been raised for by the Organization.

Conan noticed when her eyes lost a bit of their clarity and sharpness, however negligible the amount, and was about to ask if something was wrong when he heard her speak. 'No'? Did I do something wrong?
"Wha... Is everything okay?" he asked quietly. "It wasn't anything I-- I didn't do anything--"

"No, it was nothing," Haibara interrupted quickly. "It wasn't your fault." It's not your fault you exist. It's not your fault that every minute, every second of your presence tears me apart; the gaze of your piercing eyes come dangerously close to seeing right through me, your lithe grace is alluring yet distracting, the sound of your voice grips my attention with more temptation than the sirens' song, and your smile... the world could end for all I care as long as you keep smiling. "I was just thinking about... my sister," Ai lied softly.

"What about her? I mean, what about the deal? I've already failed to save Ran from them; I won't let them take your sister as well," Conan ended resolutely, jaw set.

"I... what? No!" Haibara exclaimed as realization of what Conan had just said dawned on her. "That would mean either turning you in or an attack on the base, neither of which we can afford. We are only two people, Shinichi. We cannot hope to take on the Organization and emerge victorious."

"So? You can turn me in. I'll get out," Conan replied confidently, his voice dying out as he realized what Ai had just called him.

"I can't turn you in!" Ai was speaking with more vehemence than she had in the past ten years of her life. I can't lose you. Not for a day, not for an hour... Not even for Neechan. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks to the face. Not that he's more important to me, but simply because I have wrought enough havoc to his innocent existence, she told herself firmly. My creation ripped him from his perfect life and forced him into hiding from this behemoth we refer to only as 'the Organization' or 'the Syndicate'. I have brought enough evil to this world in the creation of the pill... I don't deserve to send a perfectly innocent person to his death for my benefit. I don't even deserve this life: I don't deserve to sit here, safely tucked away into the corner of a small restaurant enjoying lunch with him, I don't deserve to live here in peace with him, I don't deserve to have my presence tolerated by him. I owe him so much... how could I ever even think of turning him in? Doesn't he know that?

"Why not? I'll find a way out. I might even stop by for some additional information, if you know what I mean." Conan's face shifted into a mask of persuasion as he waited for Haibara's answer.

Why does he put me through this? Doesn't he know that this is ripping my mind to shreds, having to choose between him and Neechan? "No..." Ai repeated in a choked voice. "It's too risky; I can't do this." Haibara stopped and took a deep breath, forcing her voice to its usual calm. "I can't do this," she repeated. "If something--anything--were to go wrong and..." Ai broke off again, waiting for her meaning to sink in before continuing. "I would never forgive myself knowing that after all I'd done to you, you died at their hands trying to save my sister."

"But... this is a great chance to infiltrate the Organization! Our front is already set up and everything... all we have to do is plan some stuff and act!" Conan argued.

Ai's eyes flashed. Why is he so stupid? Doesn't he understand what we're up against? Doesn't he know that he'll surely die? "You haven't seen what the Organization does to their prisoners. They are under constant watch, and it is impossible to escape. If they want information from you, they'll keep you alive, but you'll be in a small room with nothing but a single table on which they will place their...instruments upon entering. Each member has a different style; I think Gin favored a length of knotted rope soaked in water. He said the rope retained water better than the metal of knives. Vodka, on the other hand, just had a pair of brass knuckles."

"You got out," Conan persisted stubbornly.

"That was with the help of APTX-4869 and a bit of luck; Gin was called away on grounds of urgent news, and the APTX just happened to shrink my body instead of killing me. I doubt you'll be that lucky, and even if you were, you have no APTX-4869 to help you. I..." Ai tried to keep her voice even, but it wavered, and she broke off. If you died, I'd lose it. I can't survive without you. I... Whoa, hold on. I was fine before I met him. I've lived without him before, and I can still do it. A voice in her head contradicted, still trying to override the instincts of her heart. But for what? Nothing. There was no point to my life before, nothing I lived for. When I showed up on the professor's doorstep, I wouldn't have cared if I just died out there.

Seeing how distressed Haibara was by the notion of risking his life, Conan decided to drop the subject. "Right. Right... I'm sorry."

An uneasy silence fell over them as they ate wordlessly. Nervously, Conan checked his watch, and was relieved to see that it was already 1:10 PM, leaving them 15 minutes to return to school.

Conan cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I... uh, you might want to finish that," he pointed at Ai's veggie burger, "since we should get going; it's 1:10."

"I'm not hungry," Ai replied thinly, reaching across the table for a plastic knife. Taking the knife, she absently cut the significant remnants of her burger into small bits and scattered them across the grass for the birds.

"Um, right. Well, we should probably go back now..." Conan suggested quietly.

"Yeah," Ai replied listlessly.

They both rose, drinks in hand, and set off in the direction of the school. Neither felt like running, so they shuffled along in silence, each thinking about the Organization. Before they realized it, they had come to a stop at the tennis courts beyond the gym doors of the school, and quickly scanned the parking lot for the school-employed police before running for the doors. Once they reached the other side, they quickly entered the building and headed into the gym.

"How convenient; our next class is gym," Conan said sarcastically, glancing around at the empty gym. "We're around five minutes early... oh well. The first day of gym is always so boring... all they do is explain what we'll be doing and hand us some stupid forms to get signed that releases the school from any responsibility on the occasion that we are injured partaking in any school-sponsored gym activities."

As the students began to arrive for class, Conan noticed that along with their classmates, Genta, Ayumi, and Mitsushiko filed in. Over the past years, the world had learned of the Detective Boys, and they had quickly risen in fame and acclaim, mostly thanks to Conan and Ai. The second they walked in, the three looked around for familiar faces, and spotted Conan and Ai. Mitsushiko looked a little nervous and edgy to Conan, but Ayumi and Genta were overjoyed to see their friends again after summer break. They approached the two, eager to share stories of their summer adventures and journeys, but Mitsushiko hung back, fixing Ai with an avid stare that Conan noted with a small frown.

What is he doing? Why is he staring at Ai like that? He wondered, feeling a bit protective. Wait, what did I just call her? Well, whatever. I know Mitsushiko had a thing for her when we were still in elementary school, but I warned him away... I mean, this is ridiculous... he has no idea who we really are, what we really are. I thought he'd gotten over that foolishness years ago, but I guess not... I'll have to talk to him; I mean… Mitsushiko and Ai? That's just disgusting. Suddenly, another part of his mind asked, More sickening than your recent infatuation with Ran? Angrily, Conan ignored the voice and continued his mental tirade, Disgusting, revolting, nauseating!! Conan walked up and stood beside Ai, watching Mitsushiko's reaction to his protective stance. As predicted, Mitsushiko's face fell into a crestfallen expression, glancing sadly at the two.

"Conan! Ai!" Ayumi squealed happily upon seeing her friends. "How have you guys been? I tried to contact you guys over the summer, but it was as if you'd vanished from the face of the Earth; I couldn't find you guys anywhere.

Conan smiled to himself, That's because we didn't want to be found… at least, not by you. "Um… we were busy," Conan said out loud, "we were out a lot and stuff." Or in the basement hiding from you.

Ayumi smiled. "That's okay… now that school's started, we'll all be spending a lot more time together!"

Conan tried his best to suppress a groan, but was saved by the coach's announcement of the beginning of class. As class progressed, the coach went through the school rules concerning leaving school grounds, use of school equipment, an outline of the class activities, and passed out/read the school's disclaimer that cleared the school of any responsibilities concerning 'all future and possible injuries as a result of use of school equipment or completion of the school's gym syllabus', and then allowed the class to talk quietly for the remainder of the time.

Ai's eyes lit up when she saw the syllabus, and Conan glanced at his curiously. What is it that she finds so interesting? He asked himself.

"Look!" Ai whispered excitedly. "This is so awesome! Self-defense/martial arts, paintball, soccer, marksmanship, swimming, track, field sports, hockey, climbing, hiking, biking… all kinds of cool stuff!"

"I don't doubt that you can kick ass in martial arts, but paintball? What's that?" Conan asked curiously while looking down the list of activities to be covered during the year.

"Paintball!" Ai answered happily with unrestrained enthusiasm. "You run around on a field with paintball markers, which are like guns that shoot paint. You have teams of three, five, or one and usually a three to five minute time limit. It's really fun; I used to play it all the time when I was—" Ai broke off and turned away, all traces of exuberance gone. "Younger," Haibara finished lamely. When I was training to be the perfect assassin, she thought bitterly. When I was growing up in the ranks of the Organization, learning how to be a criminal.

"…and you're good at that?" Conan asked a little incredulously as he stared at the girl beside him.

I was the best. I could bunker any other agent in under 45 seconds from the whistle. I could take out a team of five alone with a maximum of five paintballs and half the time to spare. Oh yeah, and from my second game on, I have never been marked. "I'm okay at it," Ai mumbled modestly.

From his seat, Mitsushiko watched Ai with an unfaltering glance as if mystified. Noticing that Conan and Ai didn't exactly act like they were together, he frowned. What's going on, then? I guess I'll wait until Ai's alone and ask her, or if I have to, Conan. Conan's always been like a brother to me, but… I just would rather not discuss this with him; I don't know why, but I just have a feeling that maybe it wouldn't be a pleasant conversation. Several times, Mitsushiko considered asking Ai in front of the others, but quickly rejected the idea, choosing to wait for another opportunity. Glancing towards the clock, Mitsushiko realized that class ended in five minutes, and he probably didn't have another class with Ai since she took all of the 'crazily advanced classes'…along with Conan. Inwardly, he sighed. Well, at least everyone's talking, so not that many people will hear this… here goes. He took a deep breath, steeling himself, and shifted so he was closer to Ai, ignoring the twitching of Conan's ears and slight turn of his head.

"Ai…" he began.

Ai lifted an eyebrow at Mitsushiko's form of address, and Conan slowly turned his head fully around.

"I was wondering," Mitsushiko continued, "if… I know it's not any of my business," he broke off sheepishly, cheeks tinged with a pink hue as his eyes roved every smudge on the gym floor, delaying the second he had to meet Haibara's gaze, "but I have to know… What—is there anything—are you and—do you and C-Conan—are you going out with Conan?" he finally managed, eyes still glued to the floor.

After a few seconds' of silence, Mitsushiko glanced up to see Ai's shocked face. Oh, man… this is bad. This is beyond bad… it's bad. This is the emotionless girl… look at her. Look what you've done! "I… I'm sorry." Mitsushiko stuttered, his face now entirely imbued with a red tint. "I didn't mean to offend you, either of you," he added hastily looking up at Conan's strange expression. Is he… is he actually embarrassed? Mitsushiko would have laughed, but this really wasn't the proper time for that.

Seeing that Mitsushiko wasn't leaving without an answer, Conan stepped in. "No," he answered bluntly, "we're not."

"So…" a hopeful light shone in Mitsushiko's eyes. "I…will you go out with me?"