Disclaimer: Not mine. Hands off my plot, though.

The Quandary

Chapter 7 - OOC Fest!

Last Time:

"You know the way home, right?" he asked. I'll just beat her home, grab all of my stuff, and leave before she even gets back.

Ai nodded, and Conan began running in the direction of the professor's lab. After a while, the scent of strawberries wafted by his nose, and he turned his head to see Ai effortlessly keeping up with him. Frustrated, he racked his brains for other ideas, but found none. I guess I'll have to leave in the middle of the night.

Upon reaching the professor's lab, Conan's home for the past few years, Conan immediately raced up the stairs to his room and started packing his things quietly. Haibara wandered into the kitchen and saw a note on the table. It was addressed to 'Ai and Conan', so she picked it up and began to read.

Conan, Ai,

I'll be out doing some research, and probably won't be back until 7:00 or 8:00, so plan on cooking for yourselves. Ai chuckled at the joke. It's concerning a new project I'm trying to make, appearance-altering drugs. These should be fun to play around with, and won't be illegal for a few years until the authorities learn of their existence.

Agasa

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Ai left the kitchen with the note in her hand, opened the basement door, and threw her backpack down the stairs before starting upstairs to show Conan the note. After knocking on his door, Haibara stepped back and waited. What's with him today? He's acting really strange, as if he's angry with me. I mean, everything was fine this morning and he suggested that we leave for lunch...

"Kudo," she called, keeping her tone neutral.

Gods, it sounded so much better when she called me Shinichi, Conan thought, leaning against the door on the inside. I mean... I know I questioned it at that time, but now, thinking back, it just felt so... so right. If Mitsushiko hadn't--If I'd gotten to it first, I... well I guess it's kind of too late for that now.

"Kudo," she repeated after a few seconds of silence, but there was still no response. I guess he doesn't want to see me, she thought. "Hey, can you at least be civil?" she asked, annoyed. "It's not like I did anything wrong, okay? Just open the door."

Not like you did anything wrong? You wouldn't know, would you? You wouldn't know that the whole Mitsushiko factor is slowly eating away at me, ripping my heart out millimeter by millimeter. Conan resumed packing, never uttering a word in response; he didn't know how to explain himself to Ai, and was afraid that it would all come rushing out in a jumble, afraid that she would just laugh and turn him down.

"Okay, fine. Just... be like that," Ai sighed in vexation and bent down to slip the professor's note under Conan's door. Why does his behavior bother you so much anyways? Just forget it... Haibara entered her own room and flopped onto the bed, abandoning all plans of going into the basement. Perfect. This is wonderful, just great. We finally get used to each other, and now I have to somehow destroy the Syndicate in order to save my sister and avoid having to turn him in. I mean... what's it to you, anyways? Is it more than conscience that's stopping you from sacrificing him, even when he's acting like such a jerk? She pictured Conan as she argued with herself. Yes, a voice inside her insisted. Admit it... everything about him is perfect; his stupid, reckless bravery, the ease with which he solves mysteries, his stubborn blindness to girls' feelings, his skill with a soccer ball, his childlike curiosity... Ai drifted off into a dreamless slumber, her last thoughts still trying to convince her that Shinichi Kudo was worth the trouble.

The jarring, persistent jangle of the telephone wrenched Haibara from her nap and she sat up, stifling a yawn as she reached over for the telephone.

"Hello?"

"Ai! I'm not going to make it back tonight; I was just contacted by a friend of mine in the States, Dr. Wyrick; I think he'll be able to help me with the drug , so I'm flying over immediately," Professor Agasa said quickly, "I know the two of you can take care of yourselves, so I won't start a screed on that. I'll call twice a week, and I'm guessing that it'll take a month or so, but that's tentative. If you need to contact me, call my cell phone."

Ai was a little surprised at this; the professor hadn't packed any bags or anything at all, and this was definitely a 'spur of the moment' decision. "Aren't you coming back to pack your bags?"

"I'm okay... I'll be staying at Wyrick's lab, and all I really need is the data that I can access through his computer. If there's nothing else, I'll talk to you later," the professor glanced out the window at the planes pulling in, "I think my plane's here."

"All right. Have a safe trip, professor," Haibara answered softly before hanging up.

I guess I'll go tell Shin...Kudo about this. No matter how hard she tried to stop thinking about him as Shinichi, Ai couldn't help it. Besides, it's not like anyone else will ever know anyways. It wasn't until she opened her door that she realized how late it was; it was so dark she couldn't even see her own hand. Well... I wouldn't want to wake him up, so I'll go downstairs and check the time and maybe grab something to eat. Carefully, she proceeded down the steps silently, so as not to wake Conan. She glanced at the luminous green display of the kitchen's digital clock, and was surprised to see that it was already 12:18 AM. Wow... good thing today's Friday...wait, what does it matter to me? I can just sleep through all of my classes. She turned and was about to reach for the basement door when it swung open. Surprised, she quickly moved back, melting into the shadows. She relaxed when she saw that it was only Conan, but tensed when she saw that he carried his backpack with him and wore the wrist watch/stun gun he had not touched for two years. Gods, is he actually--is he really going to do it? That's insane... he's going to get himself killed! Ignoring the soft flutter of her heart, Ai crept to the front door and leaned against it, managing to avoid furniture and other objects using skills she learned as a child. Focusing her adjusted eyes, she saw Conan stumbling towards the front door and mentally thanked her mentor, Malibu, for training her eyes to tolerate low levels of light.

Conan reached out for the doorknob, but felt the slick surface of the door instead. Sliding his hand down, he grasped the doorknob, twisted gently, and pulled, but to his surprise, it didn't budge. Without relinquishing his hold on the doorknob, Conan pulled a little harder, but no avail. He leaned down in a futile attempt to see what was wrong with the door, unaware that his face was only inches from Ai's.

Even if she couldn't see at all in the dark, Haibara would have felt his presence. Grateful for the darkness that hid her burning face, she tried to calm her racing heart.

"Going somewhere?" a voice mere centimeters from Conan's face asked coolly. His nose detected a trace of mint as Ai's breath fluttered across his face, making his heart sprint. Biting back a yelp, he jumped several feet into the air in surprise.

"H-Haibara! You-you..." he trailed off, breathing heavily. "I... I was just--I..." ...am in deep shit now. But I mean, why does she even care? What does it matter to her what I choose to do? he thought bitterly. It's not like she came up with a logical plan that would successfully remove 100% of the danger from associating with them. Why isn't she upstairs planning her first date with Mitsushiko?

I can't believe he's actually doing this! Did he just miss the entire conversation during lunch, or what? she fumed mentally. I mean--just calm down, she told herself, pretend it doesn't bother you that much. Stay calm, control expression; readjust the mask. Don't let him know any more than necessary. "I thought we settled this over lunch!" Ai exploded furiously.

With his silence, all Haibara had just resolved to do just went out the window; she expected at least a halfway decent explanation, not stubborn silence. It wasn't like he could see her face contorted in anger anyways. "I explicitly asked you not to. You agreed. So why are you trying to sneak out?"

"Why?" Conan echoed. "Why don't you take one minute to think about it? Or go ask Mitsushiko?" Conan reached for the doorknob once again.

Fighting the feeling of desperation rising inside her, Ai reached out and grabbed Conan's wrist, preventing him from reaching the door. The second she touched his hand, Conan froze and tensed. A tingling surge of warmth washed over him, clouding his mind, and he couldn't help the tremor that ran down his spine.

"Give me a reason. Give me a good reason I shouldn't go." Conan said slowly.

"I... well, give me a reason you should," Haibara replied quickly, avoiding the question.

"I just... because you... the decision puts too much stress on you, and I don't think you should have to make that decision." Conan quickly made up a reason to present.

"Okay, even if I shouldn't have to make that decision, what gives you the idea that you have even the slightest fraction of the right to make my decision?" Ai spat. The tension from her inner turmoil and the current situation was smashing through the layers of her mask, shattering it.

"What makes me think I have the right to do this? This is my life we're talking about, so I think I'm free to make this decision!" Conan answered scathingly.

"How does this concern your life at all? It doesn't." Ai replied angrily.

"It's my life they want in exchange for your sister's. Mine, not yours. Don't you think that you know, living as a prisoner of the Syndicate might just make a difference in my life? You know, like just a little bit?" Conan burst out, his face pulled into a scowl as he tightened his grip on the doorknob.

"You... what?" Ai faltered. You don't actually think I'd turn you in to begin with? After all these years, after all we've been through, after all I've said, you'd think that? "You really think I'd actually turn you in?" she whispered, looking at him with azure eyes that radiated pain and disappointment from behind the battered mask.

"Well, you...she..." Conan wavered. "She's your sister, and I...I'm nothing to you. Why would you even stop to consider it?"

"Did it never occur to you that if I had decided to turn you in for my sister, then you would not be standing here right now? Did it never occur to you that if I had decided to exchange you, your proposition during lunch would not have... affected me in that manner? Did it never occur to you that if I never stopped to consider, I wouldn't be trying to stop you from leaving?!" Haibara yelled.

"Maybe you're planning it out, to catch me off guard. Maybe you were faking it at lunch, or my idea was totally different from yours. Yours would have me turned over to them in such a fashion that it would be highly unlikely or impossible for me to get out, but if we had planned the whole thing-"

"What the hell is your problem?" Ai shouted. "Why are you doubting me?"

"Huh, I dunno, maybe it's just because you worked for those bastards for 17 years, it was your work that landed me in this situation, and it's your fault that I'm stuck in this fucked up life!" Conan fell silent as a wave of guilt suddenly crashed down upon him. Trying to ignore his thoughts, Conan grasped the doorknob and gave the door a tug, trying to nudge Ai out of the way with the door, but he had overestimated her weight, causing her to stumble and fall. When he noticed this, he paused and turned.

"No! You can't go out there!" Ai was shocked to hear her voice break. 17.5 years of training for this? But then again, everything's different one he's introduced to the equation. Ai shook her head violently. "Don't go..." she repeated in a pleading whisper. What if you die?! her mind screamed, willing Conan to see the inevitable dangers involved in this suicide mission. "Please, don't go." She ignored the sobs wrenching her body as she struggled to keep her balance.

"Why?!" Conan screamed. "All I've heard from you about that is something along the lines of 'no', 'don't', 'you can't'. I saw how upset it made you, and by Doyle's grave, I can't figure out a logical reason, but I respected you and held back any questions. Now you're using this reasoning to stop me from doing something I have to do, so I think I deserve an explanation: why? Why won't you just let me go?" He demanded, clearly frustrated.

Being an introvert, Ai was clearly torn between divulging sensitive information and holding back, but remained silent.

Sighing, Conan turned to leave, adjusting his backpack and stepping over the doorframe into the soft glow of the moonlight. He breathed in the scent of the night air, the scent of the city, knowing that he would never return.

"I..." Haibara paused, face cast in defeat. "I... it's because I—I love you," she choked, allowing the tears to course down her face unchecked.