Title: This Tear
Author: SydGillyKC
Author's Notes: Sorry this took so long, guys. Actually, I spent the week planning a trip to NYC to try to see Jennifer Garner outside of SNL. My friend and I went over the weekend and we waited for over an hour outside and it was -5 degrees! We saw a whole bunch of people from SNL (we took a picture with Jimmy Fallon), but Jennifer Garner decided to go out through the underground garage instead of the front way. So that really sucked. But that's my excuse for not having this up sooner. I hope you enjoy this part! Reviews might help lessen my huuuuge disappointment at not meeting Jennifer Garner lol. Oh, and in response to someone's review, there will be more interaction with other characters, but that's coming a little later in the story.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"If you agree to the surgery, which I'd strongly advise, it would need to be done as soon as possible. It's only a matter of time before the tumor grows too large for anything to be done. Depending on the surgeon's schedule, I'd like to schedule the surgery within the next three or four days," the doctor stated very seriously.
Three or four days. In the span of three or four days, Sydney Bristow would have to try to tie up every single loose end in her life.
It couldn't be done.
No, it *had* to be done.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 6: Comfort
"She has to have surgery," Will said suddenly, causing Vaughn's eyes to go wide.
"Surgery?! I thought they didn't want to operate until they shrunk it! How can they operate if it's growing?!" Vaughn asked frantically.
"They've got a specialist flying in. He thinks he can do it without damaging her brain," Will said, not meeting Vaughn's eyes.
"He *thinks* he can? If he's going to perform brain surgery on her, he'd better be damn sure!"
"She knows it's a risk. She knows she may not make it out of surgery. But she also knows it's her only chance at getting better. Obviously, the conventional treatments aren't working. She decided to go through with it. The surgery's been scheduled for Friday," Will explained.
"That's in two days!"
"She has to check back in tomorrow night."
"She's home?" Vaughn asked, surprised.
"Yeah she insisted on going home before the surgery. She signed out AMA with orders to come straight back if anything happened," Will replied. Vaughn suddenly noticed how exhausted Will looked. Vaughn completely understood, having spent many sleepless nights worrying about Sydney himself. He instantly felt a pang of sympathy for Will, though they both cared for the same woman.
"How's she doing?" Vaughn asked, the anger and confusion gone from his voice.
"She's been sleeping a lot, but she seems to be taking everything well. When she talks about it, it's like she's completely detached from the whole thing," Will admitted.
"She's compartmentalizing. We're taught to do that," Vaughn explained. Will nodded.
"She wanted to meet with you, but she's not supposed to drive-"
"I wouldn't let her. She needs to rest," Vaughn said, cutting Will off.
"That's what I told her," Will agreed. "I just wanted you to know that she really wanted to see you, to tell you herself."
Vaughn nodded, allowing his thoughts to wander for a moment. Suddenly he was struck by a vivid memory. He was watching her walk into Dinatti Park, possibly into a trap that would lead to her death. He had felt so helpless, unable to warn her or even to tell her he was there, watching her. Had she died, he never even would have gotten the chance to say goodbye. This felt like Dinatti Park all over again.
"Will. There's something I really have to do. And I'm going to need your help."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Sydney's head was *pounding.* She groaned as she forced herself out of bed and stumbled towards the kitchen. She fumbled through the drawers until she found the bottle of painkillers the doctor had given her for her concussion. She'd just wrapped her hand around the bottle when she heard the lock on the door click. Knowing that Will was gone and Francie was asleep, she immediately froze and listened for any indication of who it was. When only the sound of the turning doorknob came, she rushed to stand next to the door, pressing herself up against the wall. The door opened and she prepared herself to fight whoever was coming inside.
A dark figure entered, facing forward. She held her breath as he walked in and stopped a few inches in front of her, the door only partially hiding her in the shadows. Just as she was about to kick the figure in the back to force him to the ground, he turned sideways and she saw his face.
"Vaughn?!" She said in a loud whisper.
Vaughn whirled around at the sound of her voice, obviously caught off- guard. "Syd?! What are you doing?!"
"I thought someone was breaking into my house! What are *you* doing?" She asked before wincing slightly as the pain in her head flared. She knew Vaughn saw her, but thankfully, he didn't say anything about it.
"Will helped me set this up. I told him not to tell you, because I knew you'd object, but. I needed to see you before your surgery," he said, his eyes studying her.
"Jesus, Vaughn, I could've hurt you!" She said, not yet ready to let go of her anger.
"Hey, I could've handled myself. I trained in combat too, you know," he said, trying to lighten her mood. When he saw the anger melt form her features as she gave him a small smile, he knew he'd been right to come. "Besides, I didn't expect you to be awake. It's 2:30 in the morning! What are you doing up? You should be resting."
Her irritation at him instantly found its way back to her at his attempt to coddle her once again. She knew her limits. In fact, she knew that she *would* be resting if her head hadn't been causing her blinding pain. Of course, if she wanted the coddling to stop, there was no way she could explain that to him.
"I was getting a glass of water," she told him, her voice cold. It was a half-truth. He had been about to get a glass of water to take her pills with. As if her head wanted to remind her of this fact, a particularly bad wave of pain hit between her eyes. Involuntarily, she sucked in a breath and squeezed her hands into fists, causing the pills to rattle. Vaughn's spy-training instantly kicked in and his eyes shot down to her hand. His forehead wrinkled as he gently touched her hand and lifted it so he could see what she was holding. She sighed as he took it from her and read the label. When he finished, he looked up at her. Though he didn't utter a word, his stare held many accusations.
"I have a headache," she admitted softly, unable to meet his eyes. She brought her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, partially due to the pain and partially because it was an excuse for her to avoid his gaze. She heard him sigh and walk over to the kitchen area. She stayed where she was, trying to concentrate on anything but the pain in her head. She didn't know how much time had passed when she felt his hand wrap around her own, bringing it away from her head. She opened her eyes as she felt something cool being pressed into her hand. Looking down, she saw he held a glass of water. She took it gratefully as he reached for the pills she held in her other hand. He took them from her and opened the top.
"How many?" He asked softly, his voice emotionless.
"Two," she replied. She watched him shake two pills into his hand before closing the bottle again and setting it down onto the counter. He handed her the pills and she quickly swallowed them, washing them down with a few gulps of water. For a moment, they stood there in completely silence. She kept her eyes closed as she waited for the pain to subside and he took the time to study her carefully.
"Are you okay?" She heard him ask suddenly.
She nodded. "It just takes them a few minutes to work," she explained. She heard him sigh and then felt him take the glass of water from her. He set it down on the counter next to the pills. She opened her eyes to look at him, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. Instead, she felt his hand on her arm as he led her over to the couch. She complied, walking with him and sitting down. She felt him sit down next to her as she dropped her head into her hands, once again pinching the bridge of her nose in a weak attempt to lessen the pain.
Vaughn was ready to be angry with her, to question why she felt the need to hide things from him. When he saw her head in her hands, though, he felt his anger leave him, replaced by instead by an overwhelming concern for her. She was obviously in a great deal of pain. He didn't know what to do. He hated seeing her like this. He desperately wanted things to go back to the way they were. when she was healthy and he didn't have to worry that this may be the last time he ever saw her.
She suddenly felt his hand, warm on her back, as if to remind her he was still there. He began rubbing soothing circles on her back, helping her to relax a bit and to concentrate on feeling something beside the pain. Without even thinking about it, she felt herself lean over and rest her head on his shoulder. He instantly rested his head gently on top of hers and stretched out his arm so that his hand wrapped around her shoulder. Her hair felt soft against his cheek and he pressed a soft kiss onto the top of her head.
Neither spoke or moved for quite a while, just sat there against each other. He felt her gradually relax and her breathing evened out. He wasn't sure if the pain had simply stopped or if she'd fallen asleep, but it didn't matter much. As long as it was dark, he was safe being there and he wasn't in any rush to leave. So he let her rest on his shoulder, content to live in this moment as long as he could.
"I'm sorry," she said so softly, he almost didn't hear it.
"For what?" He asked, his voice equally as soft.
"For lying to you. I just didn't want you to worry, to think that. I don't know," she said, unsure of exactly what she wanted to say.
"Syd. First of all, it's my *job* to worry about you. And second. needing help is okay. It doesn't mean you can't take care of yourself. It doesn't mean you're weak. I just wish you'd ask for it when you needed it instead of avoiding it," he said softly.
She suddenly lifted her head from his shoulder and adjusted her body slightly so that she was facing him. Vaughn started to worry that he'd said something wrong. He was about to ask her when she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly. Automatically, his arms went around her waist, holding her back.
"Vaughn," she whispered into his ear. "Since yesterday, I've been thinking constantly about what I need to do and say in case. Well, in case the surgery doesn't go well. When it came to you, there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted you to know. But considering that our lives our in danger every time we're so much as within a few feet of each other, I knew I wouldn't be able to tell you all those things. There's one thing, though, that I have to tell you. One thing I *need* you to know-"
To be continued.
A/N: Ok, I know that's mean. The truth is that I didn't intend on ending it here, but I knew that there was no way I could write the rest of what I intended on being this chapter before tomorrow (at the earliest) and I really wanted to have this up tonight, because I know I haven't updated in a while. So there's a fluffy, somewhat pointless chapter for you. The next two parts will be big in terms of the plot, and I promise I'll try to have that out soon, since I'm on vacation from school (though I have so much homework and I'm going to Boston lol). But for now, please review!
Author: SydGillyKC
Author's Notes: Sorry this took so long, guys. Actually, I spent the week planning a trip to NYC to try to see Jennifer Garner outside of SNL. My friend and I went over the weekend and we waited for over an hour outside and it was -5 degrees! We saw a whole bunch of people from SNL (we took a picture with Jimmy Fallon), but Jennifer Garner decided to go out through the underground garage instead of the front way. So that really sucked. But that's my excuse for not having this up sooner. I hope you enjoy this part! Reviews might help lessen my huuuuge disappointment at not meeting Jennifer Garner lol. Oh, and in response to someone's review, there will be more interaction with other characters, but that's coming a little later in the story.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"If you agree to the surgery, which I'd strongly advise, it would need to be done as soon as possible. It's only a matter of time before the tumor grows too large for anything to be done. Depending on the surgeon's schedule, I'd like to schedule the surgery within the next three or four days," the doctor stated very seriously.
Three or four days. In the span of three or four days, Sydney Bristow would have to try to tie up every single loose end in her life.
It couldn't be done.
No, it *had* to be done.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 6: Comfort
"She has to have surgery," Will said suddenly, causing Vaughn's eyes to go wide.
"Surgery?! I thought they didn't want to operate until they shrunk it! How can they operate if it's growing?!" Vaughn asked frantically.
"They've got a specialist flying in. He thinks he can do it without damaging her brain," Will said, not meeting Vaughn's eyes.
"He *thinks* he can? If he's going to perform brain surgery on her, he'd better be damn sure!"
"She knows it's a risk. She knows she may not make it out of surgery. But she also knows it's her only chance at getting better. Obviously, the conventional treatments aren't working. She decided to go through with it. The surgery's been scheduled for Friday," Will explained.
"That's in two days!"
"She has to check back in tomorrow night."
"She's home?" Vaughn asked, surprised.
"Yeah she insisted on going home before the surgery. She signed out AMA with orders to come straight back if anything happened," Will replied. Vaughn suddenly noticed how exhausted Will looked. Vaughn completely understood, having spent many sleepless nights worrying about Sydney himself. He instantly felt a pang of sympathy for Will, though they both cared for the same woman.
"How's she doing?" Vaughn asked, the anger and confusion gone from his voice.
"She's been sleeping a lot, but she seems to be taking everything well. When she talks about it, it's like she's completely detached from the whole thing," Will admitted.
"She's compartmentalizing. We're taught to do that," Vaughn explained. Will nodded.
"She wanted to meet with you, but she's not supposed to drive-"
"I wouldn't let her. She needs to rest," Vaughn said, cutting Will off.
"That's what I told her," Will agreed. "I just wanted you to know that she really wanted to see you, to tell you herself."
Vaughn nodded, allowing his thoughts to wander for a moment. Suddenly he was struck by a vivid memory. He was watching her walk into Dinatti Park, possibly into a trap that would lead to her death. He had felt so helpless, unable to warn her or even to tell her he was there, watching her. Had she died, he never even would have gotten the chance to say goodbye. This felt like Dinatti Park all over again.
"Will. There's something I really have to do. And I'm going to need your help."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Sydney's head was *pounding.* She groaned as she forced herself out of bed and stumbled towards the kitchen. She fumbled through the drawers until she found the bottle of painkillers the doctor had given her for her concussion. She'd just wrapped her hand around the bottle when she heard the lock on the door click. Knowing that Will was gone and Francie was asleep, she immediately froze and listened for any indication of who it was. When only the sound of the turning doorknob came, she rushed to stand next to the door, pressing herself up against the wall. The door opened and she prepared herself to fight whoever was coming inside.
A dark figure entered, facing forward. She held her breath as he walked in and stopped a few inches in front of her, the door only partially hiding her in the shadows. Just as she was about to kick the figure in the back to force him to the ground, he turned sideways and she saw his face.
"Vaughn?!" She said in a loud whisper.
Vaughn whirled around at the sound of her voice, obviously caught off- guard. "Syd?! What are you doing?!"
"I thought someone was breaking into my house! What are *you* doing?" She asked before wincing slightly as the pain in her head flared. She knew Vaughn saw her, but thankfully, he didn't say anything about it.
"Will helped me set this up. I told him not to tell you, because I knew you'd object, but. I needed to see you before your surgery," he said, his eyes studying her.
"Jesus, Vaughn, I could've hurt you!" She said, not yet ready to let go of her anger.
"Hey, I could've handled myself. I trained in combat too, you know," he said, trying to lighten her mood. When he saw the anger melt form her features as she gave him a small smile, he knew he'd been right to come. "Besides, I didn't expect you to be awake. It's 2:30 in the morning! What are you doing up? You should be resting."
Her irritation at him instantly found its way back to her at his attempt to coddle her once again. She knew her limits. In fact, she knew that she *would* be resting if her head hadn't been causing her blinding pain. Of course, if she wanted the coddling to stop, there was no way she could explain that to him.
"I was getting a glass of water," she told him, her voice cold. It was a half-truth. He had been about to get a glass of water to take her pills with. As if her head wanted to remind her of this fact, a particularly bad wave of pain hit between her eyes. Involuntarily, she sucked in a breath and squeezed her hands into fists, causing the pills to rattle. Vaughn's spy-training instantly kicked in and his eyes shot down to her hand. His forehead wrinkled as he gently touched her hand and lifted it so he could see what she was holding. She sighed as he took it from her and read the label. When he finished, he looked up at her. Though he didn't utter a word, his stare held many accusations.
"I have a headache," she admitted softly, unable to meet his eyes. She brought her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, partially due to the pain and partially because it was an excuse for her to avoid his gaze. She heard him sigh and walk over to the kitchen area. She stayed where she was, trying to concentrate on anything but the pain in her head. She didn't know how much time had passed when she felt his hand wrap around her own, bringing it away from her head. She opened her eyes as she felt something cool being pressed into her hand. Looking down, she saw he held a glass of water. She took it gratefully as he reached for the pills she held in her other hand. He took them from her and opened the top.
"How many?" He asked softly, his voice emotionless.
"Two," she replied. She watched him shake two pills into his hand before closing the bottle again and setting it down onto the counter. He handed her the pills and she quickly swallowed them, washing them down with a few gulps of water. For a moment, they stood there in completely silence. She kept her eyes closed as she waited for the pain to subside and he took the time to study her carefully.
"Are you okay?" She heard him ask suddenly.
She nodded. "It just takes them a few minutes to work," she explained. She heard him sigh and then felt him take the glass of water from her. He set it down on the counter next to the pills. She opened her eyes to look at him, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. Instead, she felt his hand on her arm as he led her over to the couch. She complied, walking with him and sitting down. She felt him sit down next to her as she dropped her head into her hands, once again pinching the bridge of her nose in a weak attempt to lessen the pain.
Vaughn was ready to be angry with her, to question why she felt the need to hide things from him. When he saw her head in her hands, though, he felt his anger leave him, replaced by instead by an overwhelming concern for her. She was obviously in a great deal of pain. He didn't know what to do. He hated seeing her like this. He desperately wanted things to go back to the way they were. when she was healthy and he didn't have to worry that this may be the last time he ever saw her.
She suddenly felt his hand, warm on her back, as if to remind her he was still there. He began rubbing soothing circles on her back, helping her to relax a bit and to concentrate on feeling something beside the pain. Without even thinking about it, she felt herself lean over and rest her head on his shoulder. He instantly rested his head gently on top of hers and stretched out his arm so that his hand wrapped around her shoulder. Her hair felt soft against his cheek and he pressed a soft kiss onto the top of her head.
Neither spoke or moved for quite a while, just sat there against each other. He felt her gradually relax and her breathing evened out. He wasn't sure if the pain had simply stopped or if she'd fallen asleep, but it didn't matter much. As long as it was dark, he was safe being there and he wasn't in any rush to leave. So he let her rest on his shoulder, content to live in this moment as long as he could.
"I'm sorry," she said so softly, he almost didn't hear it.
"For what?" He asked, his voice equally as soft.
"For lying to you. I just didn't want you to worry, to think that. I don't know," she said, unsure of exactly what she wanted to say.
"Syd. First of all, it's my *job* to worry about you. And second. needing help is okay. It doesn't mean you can't take care of yourself. It doesn't mean you're weak. I just wish you'd ask for it when you needed it instead of avoiding it," he said softly.
She suddenly lifted her head from his shoulder and adjusted her body slightly so that she was facing him. Vaughn started to worry that he'd said something wrong. He was about to ask her when she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly. Automatically, his arms went around her waist, holding her back.
"Vaughn," she whispered into his ear. "Since yesterday, I've been thinking constantly about what I need to do and say in case. Well, in case the surgery doesn't go well. When it came to you, there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted you to know. But considering that our lives our in danger every time we're so much as within a few feet of each other, I knew I wouldn't be able to tell you all those things. There's one thing, though, that I have to tell you. One thing I *need* you to know-"
To be continued.
A/N: Ok, I know that's mean. The truth is that I didn't intend on ending it here, but I knew that there was no way I could write the rest of what I intended on being this chapter before tomorrow (at the earliest) and I really wanted to have this up tonight, because I know I haven't updated in a while. So there's a fluffy, somewhat pointless chapter for you. The next two parts will be big in terms of the plot, and I promise I'll try to have that out soon, since I'm on vacation from school (though I have so much homework and I'm going to Boston lol). But for now, please review!