Title: This Tear
Author: SydGillyKC
Author's Note: Whew! Here's another long one for you. I know it took a while, but my excuse was that I was in LA for a week. I tried to get it up quickly, I swear. But either way, I hope you guys like the chapter! I forewarn you that it's not the happiest thing in the world, but I worked really really hard on this chapter, so please give it a chance lol. Ok, well I hope you enjoy!
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"I know you are, Syd," he told her, fully aware that she wasn't referring to needing sleep. "But you're going to get through this. You're going to be okay."
He looked into her eyes, searching for assurance. She saw what he was looking for and nodded at him. In her eyes, he saw something that frightened him, though. He saw something he'd rarely seen in her eyes. Something he'd never in his life associated with Sydney Bristow.
He saw fear.
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Chapter 18: Endless Night
Vaughn checked his watch for what seemed like the tenth time that minute. He sat by Sydney's bed, having woken up early after a mostly unsuccessful night of trying to sleep. The look he'd seen in Sydney's eyes still haunted him. He knew fear was normal, that it didn't mean she was giving up, but he wasn't quite used to seeing it in Sydney. She had always been so fearless in all her missions. Of course she had every right to be afraid in her situation, but he couldn't help worrying. After all, that seemed to be his favorite past-time since she'd been diagnosed.
Thankfully, the doctor had installed a special device that helped to reassure him, even if only slightly. He'd installed a special buzzer, like the call button patients in the hospital had when they needed a nurse. It sat at her bedside table and all she had to do was hit a button if anything was wrong. He drew some comfort from this, remembering the day he'd gone after her and found her nearly unable to breathe. He'd been enormously grateful to Dr. Anderson for having thought of it.
It had been three days since they'd brought her home from the hospital. She hadn't yet rung the buzzer. This would normally be a comfort, except that Vaughn suspected it was because she hadn't been awake the entire three days. He spent the great majority if his time sitting with her. Since the day she'd come home, when he told her she had pneumonia, he hadn't seen her awake. Dr. Anderson and Weiss had confirmed to him that they hadn't either. Dr. Anderson hadn't seemed too worried. He reminded Vaughn that her body needed an incredibly large amount of rest to be able to fight off the pneumonia. He told Vaughn it was probably a good thing that she'd been sleeping so much. The thing that did concern the doctor, though, was that her fever still had not broken. It remained at 104.
"It's not life-threatening at that temperature, but what concerns me is that, if it hasn't gone down yet, it might still continue to go up. If it goes up to 105, she's in trouble," the doctor had said to Vaughn the day before. Since then, Vaughn had carefully placed a cool cloth on her forehead every time he sat with her, re-soaking it every few minutes so that it stayed cool. Her temperature had yet to drop, but it still at least made Vaughn feel like he was helping in some way.
Vaughn turned abruptly when he heard the door open. He saw Dr. Anderson enter, a medical bag in his hand. He knew what that meant: check-up time. Dr. Anderson had checked her breathing, heart-rate, etc. three times a day since she came home from the hospital. Every day, Vaughn watched intently, hoping for good news. Every day, he couldn't help feeling disappointed when the doctor reported no change in her condition. Vaughn watched now as the doctor rounded the bed so that he stood over her, opposite Vaughn. He rifled through his bag, taking out device after device to check her condition. Last came the thermometer. Vaughn watched the doctor's face as he read the temperature. It was the same subtle look of disappointment he'd seen for the past three days, again and again and again.
"The same?" He asked. The doctor nodded. "And everything else?"
"No change. Has she woken up at all?" Dr. Anderson asked. Vaughn shook his head. "Probably best." Vaughn nodded, but couldn't help silently disagreeing with the doctor. What he wouldn't give to see Sydney open her eyes and smile at him in that moment.
"Shouldn't she be getting better by now?" Vaughn asked.
"It varies with each patient really. But if she doesn't start to improve soon, I'm going to have to consider a new approach. She can't go without treatment forever. And if her tumor's growing, she'll only get worse," the doctor admitted seriously.
"How much longer?"
"If she doesn't show improvement in the next two days, we'll try a different approach. Though the antibiotics I have her on are the most effective kind for her type of pneumonia, so they really should help her improve. Let's just give them a little more time," the doctor suggested.
Vaughn nodded. "Okay."
"By the way, Agent Weiss wanted to see you. He's out at the table," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn as he put away the thermometer. Vaughn sighed and nodded. He leaned forward and kissed the warm skin between Sydney's eyes, below the cloth. He looked at her for a moment, hoping she might react. She didn't, though, and he got up and left the room.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What's up?" Vaughn asked as he sat down across from Weiss, who was, as usual, working on his laptop.
"Hey," Weiss said, closing his computer slightly. "How's Syd?"
"No change," Vaughn replied. Weiss shook his head sadly.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Me too," Vaughn agreed. "Dr. Anderson wants to give the antibiotics a little more time to work. If they don't, he's going to try something else." Weiss nodded.
"They'll work," he insisted.
"They better," Vaughn said. "What did you want to tell me?"
"Oh, I got an e-mail from Jack this morning. He says Dixon's on his first mission for the CIA today. A Rambaldi artifact. Sloane apparently didn't tell them its purpose, just that it was very important. A team's going to make a replica on site, and Dixon will hopefully get the real one to us."
"It's too bad Syd's not awake. She'd be relieved as hell to know we're back on track," Vaughn commented.
"Speaking of which, Jack also asked about Sydney's condition. What do you want me to say?" Weiss asked.
"Tell him the truth. He deserves to know. Just leave out the part about the antibiotics not working as of yet. No need for him to worry unless we're sure they're not working. Just tell them the doctor's watching her closely and waiting for improvement."
"Do you want to write it?" Weiss suggested.
"No, you go ahead. I'm going to go back and sit with her in case she wakes up," Vaughn told him.
"Okay. Let me know if she does," Weiss requested.
"I will."
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn sat with Sydney all day as she continued to sleep. Night fell, completely lost on Vaughn. Dr. Anderson came mid-day to check on her, noting, once again, no change. It was now nearing nine-thirty and Vaughn knew he'd probably be in for another mostly sleepless night. He slipped his hand under hers, holding it, hoping that even in her state, she'd realize he was there. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He thought about all the things they'd do when this was all over. He thought about taking her to dinner, showing her his apartment, walking into the CIA building together for the first time. Things he knew he'd taken for granted with every other woman he'd ever dated. But with Sydney, even the smallest things were monumental, a dream come true.
He didn't know how long he'd been caught up in his thoughts when he suddenly heard her groan and felt an almost imperceptible tightening of her hand in his. His eyes snapped open and he leaned forward again, his face close to hers. He saw her eyelids fluttering, as if her eyes were moving wildly underneath, trying to see. He brought his hand to her face to try to calm her, but he was surprised to see her flinch at his touch. He quickly removed his hand, bringing it down to touch her arm instead, trying to draw her into consciousness.
"Syd? Can you open your eyes for me? Just a little, come on, you can do it," he encouraged softly. Her hand squeezed his tightly all of a sudden, surprising him with her strength. Her other one gripped the quilt, squeezing it in her fist. He guessed she was struggling to wake up.
"That's it, Syd. You're almost there, just open your eyes." Her eyes squeezed shut at his words, but only momentarily. Creases appeared on her forehead and her eyes slowly opened, looking straight up at the ceiling. Vaughn released the breath he'd been holding. Relief flooded his whole body as he saw her eyes wildly search the room. "I'm here, Syd," he said, leaning over her a bit more. She shifted her head to look at him, her eyes finally, for the first time in three days, meeting his.
And that's when he knew something wasn't right.
Her eyes shimmered with tears and held a look of immense pain in them. Vaughn felt his chest tighten, fear spreading throughout his entire body. Her eyes pleaded with him, but he couldn't quite understand what she was trying to tell him.
"Syd, what's wrong? Are you in pain?" He asked worriedly. He saw her nod once, as if that was all she could manage, before clamping her eyes shut again. "Is it your head?" She groaned and squeezed his hand tighter. He saw instantly the sheen of sweat on her forehead, mixing with the tears that trailed from the sides of her eyes. He'd never seen her in this much pain before. "Hold on, Syd, I'll go get the doctor, okay? I'll be right back," he assured her, slipping his hand out of her grip and rushing to the door. He threw it open and rushed outside, almost running right into the doctor a few feet down the hall.
"Agent Vaughn, I was just coming to check on Agent Bristow. Is something wrong?" The doctor asked, noticing Vaughn's fearful expression and wild eyes.
"Yes, something's wrong. She's awake, but she seems to be in a lot of pain," Vaughn explained frantically, leading the doctor into Sydney's room and over to her bed. Vaughn rounded the bed and sat on the edge of the bed, taking Sydney's hand back into his.
"It's okay, Syd. Dr. Anderson's here. He's just going to check you over," Vaughn assured her as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. The action caused her eyes to open, finding Vaughn easily. Tears still streamed down her face, but under the pain her eyes, he saw a look that could only be described as thankful. Her eyes closed again quickly, though, her entire face reflecting the pain she felt.
"Agent Bristow, can you tell me what hurts?" Dr. Anderson asked. Vaughn could see her mouth open under the mask, but no sound came out.
"I think it's her head," Vaughn told the doctor. "Is that right, Syd?" He asked softly, leaning in close to her face. Slowly, painfully, she managed to nod. Vaughn looked up at the doctor to confirm he'd seen it too, but the doctor's expression looked troubled. He quickly reached into his bag and pulled out the thermometer. When he read the temperature, his expression went from troubled to stricken. He looked up at Vaughn and gestured to the door. Vaughn nodded and looked back down at Sydney. The look of pain that remained on her face brought tears to his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do at that moment was leave her to suffer by herself, but he knew what the doctor had to say must be important. He leaned down so that his face was only inches from hers.
"I'm going to go outside for one second, Syd. I'll be right back, okay?" He whispered, using the same tone one would use to speak to a frightened child. She made no indication that she'd heard him, but he assumed she had. He brought her hand to his lips again before he set it carefully down at her side and left the room. He found Dr. Anderson pacing in the hallway as soon as he walked out the door. The doctor stopped at Vaughn's appearance and walked up to him.
"What's wrong?" Vaughn asked immediately.
"Her temperature's risen. She's at 104.5 right now, and if it keeps rising to 105, I'll need to get her to the hospital right away," the doctor replied.
"Is there anything else we can do to keep it from rising?" Vaughn asked, hoping it didn't come to that.
"My only suggestion would be soaking her sheets in cold water and wrapping her in them. It's one of the best ways to cool her body, but you'd have to sit with her and re-soak or change the sheets whenever they started to get warm and there's still no guarantee it'll help much," Dr. Anderson explained, shaking his head.
"I'll try it," Vaughn insisted. "But can you at least give her something for the pain? It seems pretty bad."
The doctor's face darkened. "Actually I can't."
"Why not?!" Vaughn asked, surprised. "Can't you see how much pain she's in? You can't just leave her like that!"
"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. The pain medication causes fluid to build up in her lungs. Normally, it's so minimal that the effect is insignificant, but it's different with the pneumonia. Her lungs are already in bad shape. Any fluid build-up could leave her unable to breathe. I can't take that risk."
"You can't do anything?" Vaughn asked desperately. "I can't sit and watch her suffer like that. There has to be *something* you can do. Anything."
"Aside from giving her some Tylenol, there's really nothing I can do. And I promise you that not only will that not even touch the pain, but there's no way she'll be able to keep the pills down in her state," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn seriously.
"Oh God," Vaughn whispered, pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt completely helpless.
"Try the sheets. If her fever goes down, she may start to feel better," Dr. Anderson said, placing his hand on Vaughn's shoulder. Vaughn looked up at him and nodded, realizing he was doing everything he could for Sydney. "Let me know if you want any help. Otherwise I'll be in to check on her periodically."
Vaughn nodded again and watched Dr. Anderson walk down the hall. He looked back at Sydney's door, dreading what he might see when he went back inside. He hadn't quite realized it until that night, but seeing Sydney in pain was most definitely the most excruciating experience he'd ever endured. He had to take a deep breath and gather himself before he was able re-enter and witness the horrible nightmare he knew awaited him.
He walked back into the room to find that nothing had changed. Sydney still lay on her back, her face reflecting horrible pain, her fists squeezing the sheets so hard that her knuckles were white. All Vaughn could think was that there was no way he was going to be able to sit with her and watch her go through this. His heart already felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. He noticed a single tear slip out from under her closed lids and slowly slide down her cheek. He suddenly flashed back to when he'd been sick with that mysterious disease. She'd traveled all the way to Tokyo to find his cure. And though he could not do the same for her, she still needed his help now. He couldn't let her down.
Feeling himself suddenly snap into gear, he walked up to the bed and leaned down to remove the sheet that rested on top of her feverish body. His attempt failed, though, and he realized she was still clutching the sheet as if it were her lifeline. He very gently laid his hand over her knuckles and leaned in close to her face.
"Syd, it's me. I need you to let go of the sheet so I can take it for one second, okay?" He asked softly, his thumb running back and forth over her knuckles until he felt her fist relax and release the sheet. He quickly removed the sheet from the bed and took it into the bathroom. Temporarily depositing it on the floor, he walked over to the bath and turned on the water. He adjusted the knob to ensure the water was as cold as possible and waited as the tub slowly filled. As soon as it contained a few inches of water, he grabbed the sheet and pushed it into the water, making sure every inch was saturated with the cool liquid. While the sheet soaked, he had a thought and quickly made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall a few steps until he reached the linen closet. He pulled out another sheet and brought it back to Sydney's bathroom. Replacing the one already in the tub with the dry one, he partially wrung out the sheet.
He gathered the bedspread, soaking himself and the floor underneath him, but not caring. He carried it back into the bedroom. Sydney now lay on her side, curled up in a fetal position. He brought the sheet to the bed and spread it out over her body, pressing it against her skin and tucking it in underneath her so that it completely surrounded her. She gasped a little at the sudden coolness, but didn't react beyond that. He reached out to her forehead to take the cloth off her forehead and re-soak it in the small container of water on the nightstand. He returned it to her forehead quickly, pressing it against her burning skin. He saw that tears were still steadily streaming out of her closed eyes. He reached underneath the cool sheet to find her hand. His fingers met hers and he gingerly pulled her hand out from under the sheet. He saw that it was still curled in a tight fist. Using as little force as possible, he uncurled her fingers and saw that she'd dug her nails into her palm so hard that she'd drawn blood. Seeing that, he felt as if someone were physically torturing him.
"Syd, God, you're hurting yourself. Here, hold my hand instead, as tight as you want. Don't be afraid of hurting me," he encouraged, placing his hand inside hers. She did hold it, squeezing tightly, but not nearly as tightly as he knew she'd had to squeeze her own in order to draw blood.
"There, good," he said softly. He knew she was probably wondering why the hell she wasn't being given any medication when it was so obvious she was in a great deal of pain. He wanted to explain it to her, but he wasn't sure how much she was actually aware of through the pain. "Syd, I need to know if you can hear me, if you understand me. I want to explain what's going on, but I need to know if you're with me. Can you open your eyes for me? Just for a minute?"
He stared at her for a full twenty seconds before she managed to force her eyes partially open. She found him easily and looked at him through her tears. He quickly felt tears rise in his own eyes, but he swallowed hard and pushed them down. He knew he needed to be strong for her right now.
"Hey," he whispered, trying to smile at her. She took a deep, shuddering breath as she struggled to keep her eyes open and focused on him. "I know it hurts, Syd. I've got a cool sheet around you and a cloth on your forehead so we can bring your fever down. I'm going to change it and keep it cold. The doctor says that you'll probably feel better when your fever goes down. but it could take a little while," he admitted to her. She groaned and closed her eyes. "Syd, I need you to stay with me for one more minute, okay?" He asked, bringing his free hand up to touch her face. Her eyes drifted open again. "I know there's probably nothing more in the world you want now than pain medication, but the doctor says he can't give you any. He says that it could cause fluid-build up that could make your lungs worse and he doesn't want to risk you not being able to breathe at all."
Her eyes suddenly registered a deeper pain than the physical kind she was feeling. He couldn't remember ever in his life seeing her look so lost. It broke his heart all over again. He reached out and turned over the cloth on her forehead before bringing his hand back to her face, his knuckles brushing over her cheek. He looked deep into her eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat before he was able to speak.
"Syd, listen to me. You are the strongest person I know. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now and I can't pretend to understand what you're going through. But I do know that you have what it takes to get through this, even when things get as dark as they are now. I love you, and I'm going to stay right here, no matter what." It was only after the words left him in a rush when he realized what he'd said. As soon it dawned on him, that he'd said those three words, his whole world seemed to freeze. He wasn't even sure if she'd really heard them, but her eyes were still open, gazing painfully into his. She blinked a few times, releasing tears from her full eyes before untangling her hand from his. She slowly, with great effort, brought it to his face and laid it over his cheek. Her thumb stroked back and forth and he brought his hand over hers, holding it there. He smiled weakly at her before turning his face and kissing her palm, closing his watery eyes, careful not to let any tears escape. When he looked back at her moments later, hers were closed.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn spent the whole night sitting by Sydney's side, changing the sheets every half-hour and cloth on her head twice as much. Her pain lasted for hours, and he couldn't imagine how she had any tears left to cry after a while. Her grip on his hand weakened over the coarse of the night as her body grew more and more tired. Then, to his extreme relief, she finally fell into an exhausted sleep. He continued to watch her carefully and change the sheets on schedule. The doctor came in twice during the night, checking her over and assuring Vaughn that they were both doing all they could.
It was around eight in the morning when the doctor entered Sydney's room to check her over again. He opened the door quietly and slipped in the room, supplies in hand. He stopped short at the sight before him. Sydney was curled up so close to the far edge of the bed, it looked as if she might roll off the side. Her knees were curled up close to her body and her head was low on the pillow. Vaughn sat in the seat pulled as close as possible to her bed, but his head lay between Sydney's face and knees. Both slept what appeared to be peacefully, but the doctor realized it had probably taken hours for both to even doze off. He regretted waking either of them, but knew it was necessary to check Sydney over and that Vaughn would want to know right away.
He didn't have to think much longer about waking up either, though, because Vaughn shifted and opened his eyes as the doctor approached the bed. He blinked a few times, clearing his mind, before rubbing his eyes and sitting up in the chair. It took him a moment to notice the doctor's presence, but he seemed to become immediately alert once he did.
"What time is it?" He asked.
"A little past eight," the doctor replied.
"Was I awake the last you checked on her?"
"Yes, you were. It was around five and you were both awake," the doctor reminded him. Vaughn nodded. "I just came in to check on her again."
"Am I in your way?" Vaughn asked, already starting to rise from his chair. The doctor put up a hand to stop him.
"You're fine. Stay right there. She'll want to see you next to her if she wakes up, I'm sure. I just need to do a few things," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn, rifling through his bag. Instead of running through his normal series of tests, he reached immediately for the thermometer. He met Vaughn's eyes before he brought it to her ear, both sharing a hopeful look in the silence. The thermometer beeped in seconds, startling both the doctor and Vaughn, but unnoticed to Sydney. The doctor drew it close and read the digital numbers. His entire face changed.
"What is it?" Vaughn asked anxiously.
"102," the doctor replied, his face nearly lighting up. "It's finally broken. The sheets worked. And if she's sleeping now, I'd say it worked on her pain too." He reached back into his bag and pulled out the stethoscope. He quickly donned it and pressed the end to her chest. "Her lungs sound a little better also. The antibiotics must finally be doing the trick," he said, pressing the stethoscope to her chest a few more times before removing it. "Looks like she's going to pull through after all."
Vaughn dropped his head into his hands, finally letting his tears fall.
To be continued.
A/N: I am soooooo sorry that took so long! I was staying with my friend in her dorm in LA (I just got back last night) and I worked on it every time she went to class, but chapter was slow-going. I tried hard not to make it repetitive. I know it's depressing, but look at the end, things are already looking up. Anyway, I hope I didn't depress you all too much and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I promise I'll try to get the next one out faster. And for any of you that care, I'll just mention the coolest part of my vacation: driving by Disney Studios three times and seeing the huge Alias poster they have right out front (that's where Alias films if you didn't know). And I found out it's exactly 9 miles away from my college next year and I'll drive by it all the time! I'm excited. Ok I just had to ramble about that a bit lol. Anyway, please please please go review! I feel like I haven't had the pleasure of checking reviews in forever because this chapter took so long, so getting some will be so great! Thanks for reading!
Author: SydGillyKC
Author's Note: Whew! Here's another long one for you. I know it took a while, but my excuse was that I was in LA for a week. I tried to get it up quickly, I swear. But either way, I hope you guys like the chapter! I forewarn you that it's not the happiest thing in the world, but I worked really really hard on this chapter, so please give it a chance lol. Ok, well I hope you enjoy!
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"I know you are, Syd," he told her, fully aware that she wasn't referring to needing sleep. "But you're going to get through this. You're going to be okay."
He looked into her eyes, searching for assurance. She saw what he was looking for and nodded at him. In her eyes, he saw something that frightened him, though. He saw something he'd rarely seen in her eyes. Something he'd never in his life associated with Sydney Bristow.
He saw fear.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 18: Endless Night
Vaughn checked his watch for what seemed like the tenth time that minute. He sat by Sydney's bed, having woken up early after a mostly unsuccessful night of trying to sleep. The look he'd seen in Sydney's eyes still haunted him. He knew fear was normal, that it didn't mean she was giving up, but he wasn't quite used to seeing it in Sydney. She had always been so fearless in all her missions. Of course she had every right to be afraid in her situation, but he couldn't help worrying. After all, that seemed to be his favorite past-time since she'd been diagnosed.
Thankfully, the doctor had installed a special device that helped to reassure him, even if only slightly. He'd installed a special buzzer, like the call button patients in the hospital had when they needed a nurse. It sat at her bedside table and all she had to do was hit a button if anything was wrong. He drew some comfort from this, remembering the day he'd gone after her and found her nearly unable to breathe. He'd been enormously grateful to Dr. Anderson for having thought of it.
It had been three days since they'd brought her home from the hospital. She hadn't yet rung the buzzer. This would normally be a comfort, except that Vaughn suspected it was because she hadn't been awake the entire three days. He spent the great majority if his time sitting with her. Since the day she'd come home, when he told her she had pneumonia, he hadn't seen her awake. Dr. Anderson and Weiss had confirmed to him that they hadn't either. Dr. Anderson hadn't seemed too worried. He reminded Vaughn that her body needed an incredibly large amount of rest to be able to fight off the pneumonia. He told Vaughn it was probably a good thing that she'd been sleeping so much. The thing that did concern the doctor, though, was that her fever still had not broken. It remained at 104.
"It's not life-threatening at that temperature, but what concerns me is that, if it hasn't gone down yet, it might still continue to go up. If it goes up to 105, she's in trouble," the doctor had said to Vaughn the day before. Since then, Vaughn had carefully placed a cool cloth on her forehead every time he sat with her, re-soaking it every few minutes so that it stayed cool. Her temperature had yet to drop, but it still at least made Vaughn feel like he was helping in some way.
Vaughn turned abruptly when he heard the door open. He saw Dr. Anderson enter, a medical bag in his hand. He knew what that meant: check-up time. Dr. Anderson had checked her breathing, heart-rate, etc. three times a day since she came home from the hospital. Every day, Vaughn watched intently, hoping for good news. Every day, he couldn't help feeling disappointed when the doctor reported no change in her condition. Vaughn watched now as the doctor rounded the bed so that he stood over her, opposite Vaughn. He rifled through his bag, taking out device after device to check her condition. Last came the thermometer. Vaughn watched the doctor's face as he read the temperature. It was the same subtle look of disappointment he'd seen for the past three days, again and again and again.
"The same?" He asked. The doctor nodded. "And everything else?"
"No change. Has she woken up at all?" Dr. Anderson asked. Vaughn shook his head. "Probably best." Vaughn nodded, but couldn't help silently disagreeing with the doctor. What he wouldn't give to see Sydney open her eyes and smile at him in that moment.
"Shouldn't she be getting better by now?" Vaughn asked.
"It varies with each patient really. But if she doesn't start to improve soon, I'm going to have to consider a new approach. She can't go without treatment forever. And if her tumor's growing, she'll only get worse," the doctor admitted seriously.
"How much longer?"
"If she doesn't show improvement in the next two days, we'll try a different approach. Though the antibiotics I have her on are the most effective kind for her type of pneumonia, so they really should help her improve. Let's just give them a little more time," the doctor suggested.
Vaughn nodded. "Okay."
"By the way, Agent Weiss wanted to see you. He's out at the table," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn as he put away the thermometer. Vaughn sighed and nodded. He leaned forward and kissed the warm skin between Sydney's eyes, below the cloth. He looked at her for a moment, hoping she might react. She didn't, though, and he got up and left the room.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What's up?" Vaughn asked as he sat down across from Weiss, who was, as usual, working on his laptop.
"Hey," Weiss said, closing his computer slightly. "How's Syd?"
"No change," Vaughn replied. Weiss shook his head sadly.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Me too," Vaughn agreed. "Dr. Anderson wants to give the antibiotics a little more time to work. If they don't, he's going to try something else." Weiss nodded.
"They'll work," he insisted.
"They better," Vaughn said. "What did you want to tell me?"
"Oh, I got an e-mail from Jack this morning. He says Dixon's on his first mission for the CIA today. A Rambaldi artifact. Sloane apparently didn't tell them its purpose, just that it was very important. A team's going to make a replica on site, and Dixon will hopefully get the real one to us."
"It's too bad Syd's not awake. She'd be relieved as hell to know we're back on track," Vaughn commented.
"Speaking of which, Jack also asked about Sydney's condition. What do you want me to say?" Weiss asked.
"Tell him the truth. He deserves to know. Just leave out the part about the antibiotics not working as of yet. No need for him to worry unless we're sure they're not working. Just tell them the doctor's watching her closely and waiting for improvement."
"Do you want to write it?" Weiss suggested.
"No, you go ahead. I'm going to go back and sit with her in case she wakes up," Vaughn told him.
"Okay. Let me know if she does," Weiss requested.
"I will."
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn sat with Sydney all day as she continued to sleep. Night fell, completely lost on Vaughn. Dr. Anderson came mid-day to check on her, noting, once again, no change. It was now nearing nine-thirty and Vaughn knew he'd probably be in for another mostly sleepless night. He slipped his hand under hers, holding it, hoping that even in her state, she'd realize he was there. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He thought about all the things they'd do when this was all over. He thought about taking her to dinner, showing her his apartment, walking into the CIA building together for the first time. Things he knew he'd taken for granted with every other woman he'd ever dated. But with Sydney, even the smallest things were monumental, a dream come true.
He didn't know how long he'd been caught up in his thoughts when he suddenly heard her groan and felt an almost imperceptible tightening of her hand in his. His eyes snapped open and he leaned forward again, his face close to hers. He saw her eyelids fluttering, as if her eyes were moving wildly underneath, trying to see. He brought his hand to her face to try to calm her, but he was surprised to see her flinch at his touch. He quickly removed his hand, bringing it down to touch her arm instead, trying to draw her into consciousness.
"Syd? Can you open your eyes for me? Just a little, come on, you can do it," he encouraged softly. Her hand squeezed his tightly all of a sudden, surprising him with her strength. Her other one gripped the quilt, squeezing it in her fist. He guessed she was struggling to wake up.
"That's it, Syd. You're almost there, just open your eyes." Her eyes squeezed shut at his words, but only momentarily. Creases appeared on her forehead and her eyes slowly opened, looking straight up at the ceiling. Vaughn released the breath he'd been holding. Relief flooded his whole body as he saw her eyes wildly search the room. "I'm here, Syd," he said, leaning over her a bit more. She shifted her head to look at him, her eyes finally, for the first time in three days, meeting his.
And that's when he knew something wasn't right.
Her eyes shimmered with tears and held a look of immense pain in them. Vaughn felt his chest tighten, fear spreading throughout his entire body. Her eyes pleaded with him, but he couldn't quite understand what she was trying to tell him.
"Syd, what's wrong? Are you in pain?" He asked worriedly. He saw her nod once, as if that was all she could manage, before clamping her eyes shut again. "Is it your head?" She groaned and squeezed his hand tighter. He saw instantly the sheen of sweat on her forehead, mixing with the tears that trailed from the sides of her eyes. He'd never seen her in this much pain before. "Hold on, Syd, I'll go get the doctor, okay? I'll be right back," he assured her, slipping his hand out of her grip and rushing to the door. He threw it open and rushed outside, almost running right into the doctor a few feet down the hall.
"Agent Vaughn, I was just coming to check on Agent Bristow. Is something wrong?" The doctor asked, noticing Vaughn's fearful expression and wild eyes.
"Yes, something's wrong. She's awake, but she seems to be in a lot of pain," Vaughn explained frantically, leading the doctor into Sydney's room and over to her bed. Vaughn rounded the bed and sat on the edge of the bed, taking Sydney's hand back into his.
"It's okay, Syd. Dr. Anderson's here. He's just going to check you over," Vaughn assured her as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. The action caused her eyes to open, finding Vaughn easily. Tears still streamed down her face, but under the pain her eyes, he saw a look that could only be described as thankful. Her eyes closed again quickly, though, her entire face reflecting the pain she felt.
"Agent Bristow, can you tell me what hurts?" Dr. Anderson asked. Vaughn could see her mouth open under the mask, but no sound came out.
"I think it's her head," Vaughn told the doctor. "Is that right, Syd?" He asked softly, leaning in close to her face. Slowly, painfully, she managed to nod. Vaughn looked up at the doctor to confirm he'd seen it too, but the doctor's expression looked troubled. He quickly reached into his bag and pulled out the thermometer. When he read the temperature, his expression went from troubled to stricken. He looked up at Vaughn and gestured to the door. Vaughn nodded and looked back down at Sydney. The look of pain that remained on her face brought tears to his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do at that moment was leave her to suffer by herself, but he knew what the doctor had to say must be important. He leaned down so that his face was only inches from hers.
"I'm going to go outside for one second, Syd. I'll be right back, okay?" He whispered, using the same tone one would use to speak to a frightened child. She made no indication that she'd heard him, but he assumed she had. He brought her hand to his lips again before he set it carefully down at her side and left the room. He found Dr. Anderson pacing in the hallway as soon as he walked out the door. The doctor stopped at Vaughn's appearance and walked up to him.
"What's wrong?" Vaughn asked immediately.
"Her temperature's risen. She's at 104.5 right now, and if it keeps rising to 105, I'll need to get her to the hospital right away," the doctor replied.
"Is there anything else we can do to keep it from rising?" Vaughn asked, hoping it didn't come to that.
"My only suggestion would be soaking her sheets in cold water and wrapping her in them. It's one of the best ways to cool her body, but you'd have to sit with her and re-soak or change the sheets whenever they started to get warm and there's still no guarantee it'll help much," Dr. Anderson explained, shaking his head.
"I'll try it," Vaughn insisted. "But can you at least give her something for the pain? It seems pretty bad."
The doctor's face darkened. "Actually I can't."
"Why not?!" Vaughn asked, surprised. "Can't you see how much pain she's in? You can't just leave her like that!"
"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. The pain medication causes fluid to build up in her lungs. Normally, it's so minimal that the effect is insignificant, but it's different with the pneumonia. Her lungs are already in bad shape. Any fluid build-up could leave her unable to breathe. I can't take that risk."
"You can't do anything?" Vaughn asked desperately. "I can't sit and watch her suffer like that. There has to be *something* you can do. Anything."
"Aside from giving her some Tylenol, there's really nothing I can do. And I promise you that not only will that not even touch the pain, but there's no way she'll be able to keep the pills down in her state," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn seriously.
"Oh God," Vaughn whispered, pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt completely helpless.
"Try the sheets. If her fever goes down, she may start to feel better," Dr. Anderson said, placing his hand on Vaughn's shoulder. Vaughn looked up at him and nodded, realizing he was doing everything he could for Sydney. "Let me know if you want any help. Otherwise I'll be in to check on her periodically."
Vaughn nodded again and watched Dr. Anderson walk down the hall. He looked back at Sydney's door, dreading what he might see when he went back inside. He hadn't quite realized it until that night, but seeing Sydney in pain was most definitely the most excruciating experience he'd ever endured. He had to take a deep breath and gather himself before he was able re-enter and witness the horrible nightmare he knew awaited him.
He walked back into the room to find that nothing had changed. Sydney still lay on her back, her face reflecting horrible pain, her fists squeezing the sheets so hard that her knuckles were white. All Vaughn could think was that there was no way he was going to be able to sit with her and watch her go through this. His heart already felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. He noticed a single tear slip out from under her closed lids and slowly slide down her cheek. He suddenly flashed back to when he'd been sick with that mysterious disease. She'd traveled all the way to Tokyo to find his cure. And though he could not do the same for her, she still needed his help now. He couldn't let her down.
Feeling himself suddenly snap into gear, he walked up to the bed and leaned down to remove the sheet that rested on top of her feverish body. His attempt failed, though, and he realized she was still clutching the sheet as if it were her lifeline. He very gently laid his hand over her knuckles and leaned in close to her face.
"Syd, it's me. I need you to let go of the sheet so I can take it for one second, okay?" He asked softly, his thumb running back and forth over her knuckles until he felt her fist relax and release the sheet. He quickly removed the sheet from the bed and took it into the bathroom. Temporarily depositing it on the floor, he walked over to the bath and turned on the water. He adjusted the knob to ensure the water was as cold as possible and waited as the tub slowly filled. As soon as it contained a few inches of water, he grabbed the sheet and pushed it into the water, making sure every inch was saturated with the cool liquid. While the sheet soaked, he had a thought and quickly made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall a few steps until he reached the linen closet. He pulled out another sheet and brought it back to Sydney's bathroom. Replacing the one already in the tub with the dry one, he partially wrung out the sheet.
He gathered the bedspread, soaking himself and the floor underneath him, but not caring. He carried it back into the bedroom. Sydney now lay on her side, curled up in a fetal position. He brought the sheet to the bed and spread it out over her body, pressing it against her skin and tucking it in underneath her so that it completely surrounded her. She gasped a little at the sudden coolness, but didn't react beyond that. He reached out to her forehead to take the cloth off her forehead and re-soak it in the small container of water on the nightstand. He returned it to her forehead quickly, pressing it against her burning skin. He saw that tears were still steadily streaming out of her closed eyes. He reached underneath the cool sheet to find her hand. His fingers met hers and he gingerly pulled her hand out from under the sheet. He saw that it was still curled in a tight fist. Using as little force as possible, he uncurled her fingers and saw that she'd dug her nails into her palm so hard that she'd drawn blood. Seeing that, he felt as if someone were physically torturing him.
"Syd, God, you're hurting yourself. Here, hold my hand instead, as tight as you want. Don't be afraid of hurting me," he encouraged, placing his hand inside hers. She did hold it, squeezing tightly, but not nearly as tightly as he knew she'd had to squeeze her own in order to draw blood.
"There, good," he said softly. He knew she was probably wondering why the hell she wasn't being given any medication when it was so obvious she was in a great deal of pain. He wanted to explain it to her, but he wasn't sure how much she was actually aware of through the pain. "Syd, I need to know if you can hear me, if you understand me. I want to explain what's going on, but I need to know if you're with me. Can you open your eyes for me? Just for a minute?"
He stared at her for a full twenty seconds before she managed to force her eyes partially open. She found him easily and looked at him through her tears. He quickly felt tears rise in his own eyes, but he swallowed hard and pushed them down. He knew he needed to be strong for her right now.
"Hey," he whispered, trying to smile at her. She took a deep, shuddering breath as she struggled to keep her eyes open and focused on him. "I know it hurts, Syd. I've got a cool sheet around you and a cloth on your forehead so we can bring your fever down. I'm going to change it and keep it cold. The doctor says that you'll probably feel better when your fever goes down. but it could take a little while," he admitted to her. She groaned and closed her eyes. "Syd, I need you to stay with me for one more minute, okay?" He asked, bringing his free hand up to touch her face. Her eyes drifted open again. "I know there's probably nothing more in the world you want now than pain medication, but the doctor says he can't give you any. He says that it could cause fluid-build up that could make your lungs worse and he doesn't want to risk you not being able to breathe at all."
Her eyes suddenly registered a deeper pain than the physical kind she was feeling. He couldn't remember ever in his life seeing her look so lost. It broke his heart all over again. He reached out and turned over the cloth on her forehead before bringing his hand back to her face, his knuckles brushing over her cheek. He looked deep into her eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat before he was able to speak.
"Syd, listen to me. You are the strongest person I know. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now and I can't pretend to understand what you're going through. But I do know that you have what it takes to get through this, even when things get as dark as they are now. I love you, and I'm going to stay right here, no matter what." It was only after the words left him in a rush when he realized what he'd said. As soon it dawned on him, that he'd said those three words, his whole world seemed to freeze. He wasn't even sure if she'd really heard them, but her eyes were still open, gazing painfully into his. She blinked a few times, releasing tears from her full eyes before untangling her hand from his. She slowly, with great effort, brought it to his face and laid it over his cheek. Her thumb stroked back and forth and he brought his hand over hers, holding it there. He smiled weakly at her before turning his face and kissing her palm, closing his watery eyes, careful not to let any tears escape. When he looked back at her moments later, hers were closed.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn spent the whole night sitting by Sydney's side, changing the sheets every half-hour and cloth on her head twice as much. Her pain lasted for hours, and he couldn't imagine how she had any tears left to cry after a while. Her grip on his hand weakened over the coarse of the night as her body grew more and more tired. Then, to his extreme relief, she finally fell into an exhausted sleep. He continued to watch her carefully and change the sheets on schedule. The doctor came in twice during the night, checking her over and assuring Vaughn that they were both doing all they could.
It was around eight in the morning when the doctor entered Sydney's room to check her over again. He opened the door quietly and slipped in the room, supplies in hand. He stopped short at the sight before him. Sydney was curled up so close to the far edge of the bed, it looked as if she might roll off the side. Her knees were curled up close to her body and her head was low on the pillow. Vaughn sat in the seat pulled as close as possible to her bed, but his head lay between Sydney's face and knees. Both slept what appeared to be peacefully, but the doctor realized it had probably taken hours for both to even doze off. He regretted waking either of them, but knew it was necessary to check Sydney over and that Vaughn would want to know right away.
He didn't have to think much longer about waking up either, though, because Vaughn shifted and opened his eyes as the doctor approached the bed. He blinked a few times, clearing his mind, before rubbing his eyes and sitting up in the chair. It took him a moment to notice the doctor's presence, but he seemed to become immediately alert once he did.
"What time is it?" He asked.
"A little past eight," the doctor replied.
"Was I awake the last you checked on her?"
"Yes, you were. It was around five and you were both awake," the doctor reminded him. Vaughn nodded. "I just came in to check on her again."
"Am I in your way?" Vaughn asked, already starting to rise from his chair. The doctor put up a hand to stop him.
"You're fine. Stay right there. She'll want to see you next to her if she wakes up, I'm sure. I just need to do a few things," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn, rifling through his bag. Instead of running through his normal series of tests, he reached immediately for the thermometer. He met Vaughn's eyes before he brought it to her ear, both sharing a hopeful look in the silence. The thermometer beeped in seconds, startling both the doctor and Vaughn, but unnoticed to Sydney. The doctor drew it close and read the digital numbers. His entire face changed.
"What is it?" Vaughn asked anxiously.
"102," the doctor replied, his face nearly lighting up. "It's finally broken. The sheets worked. And if she's sleeping now, I'd say it worked on her pain too." He reached back into his bag and pulled out the stethoscope. He quickly donned it and pressed the end to her chest. "Her lungs sound a little better also. The antibiotics must finally be doing the trick," he said, pressing the stethoscope to her chest a few more times before removing it. "Looks like she's going to pull through after all."
Vaughn dropped his head into his hands, finally letting his tears fall.
To be continued.
A/N: I am soooooo sorry that took so long! I was staying with my friend in her dorm in LA (I just got back last night) and I worked on it every time she went to class, but chapter was slow-going. I tried hard not to make it repetitive. I know it's depressing, but look at the end, things are already looking up. Anyway, I hope I didn't depress you all too much and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I promise I'll try to get the next one out faster. And for any of you that care, I'll just mention the coolest part of my vacation: driving by Disney Studios three times and seeing the huge Alias poster they have right out front (that's where Alias films if you didn't know). And I found out it's exactly 9 miles away from my college next year and I'll drive by it all the time! I'm excited. Ok I just had to ramble about that a bit lol. Anyway, please please please go review! I feel like I haven't had the pleasure of checking reviews in forever because this chapter took so long, so getting some will be so great! Thanks for reading!