Title: This Tear
Author: SydGillyKC
Author's Note: Thanks everyone for the reviews! I'm sorry again for leaving it at that awful cliffhanger, but I just had to. The chapter was already pretty long. But I really tried to get this next part out as soon as I could, I promise, even though it still took a while. And for all of you SD- 1 readers, just so you know, I'm changing this story so that's just in the S/V section now instead of both that and the General section. So you can all read it there. And for you ff.net readers, you just have it easy lol. And last weekend I was lucky enough to get to be in the first row of Jimmy Kimmel when Jennifer was on, so if you want to read the story, I'll post the URL to my livejournal once again at the bottom. So anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter! And please please please keep up the reviews. Thanks!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Syd, wake up. Please wake up," he begged softly.
But her eyes remained closed.
*Say goodnight* *Don't be afraid* *Calling me, calling me* *As you fade to black*
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 32: The Ocean
Vaughn walked over and opened the curtains a little, looking out at the water that seemed to stretch endlessly toward the horizon. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. The sun was starting to rise now and the sky was a beautiful mosaic of colors. He could hardly believe it was already a new day. The days seemed to pass so quickly now, even though he wanted nothing more than to hold on to each one and make it last as long as possible. Time had become his enemy.
A faint groan from behind him snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned around immediately just in time to see Sydney stir slightly in her sleep. The move had caused a piece of hair to fall across her face. Without even thinking, he walked over to the bed and looked down. She always looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. He reached down and gently brushed the strand of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. She'd been asleep for nearly twelve hours now. After collapsing in the Credit Dauphine garage, she'd been rushed to the closest hospital. The doctors had stabilized her and ran tests while Vaughn had waited anxiously in the waiting room for two hours. Finally, the doctor had emerged and explained to Vaughn that Sydney was fine for the time being. It had just been a combination of stress and the slight pressure the tumor was now putting on her brain that had made her collapse.
The CIA immediately requested a transfer for her, worried that so soon after the takedown, there could still be someone out for revenge. They brought her to a CIA-owned condo in Malibu that was medically equipped. Vaughn couldn't help thinking that the CIA's resources never ceased to amaze him. Dr. Anderson had already been flown back home, his assignment complete now that Sydney was back home and as far as anyone knew, no longer in any danger. He'd bid farewell to Vaughn, Jack, and Weiss only a few hours ago. He'd wanted to say goodbye to Sydney as well, but she'd remained asleep and they all knew it was time for the doctor to finally return to his family. His service to them was complete. Vaughn had watched Dr. Anderson take one final look at Sydney through the small glass window in the door to the bedroom. He almost swore he saw tears in the older man's eyes.
"She put up a good fight," he'd said.
Vaughn had nodded, knowing truer words had never been spoken. "Thank you, doctor. For everything. I don't know if she would have made it this far without you."
Dr. Anderson had nodded at Vaughn and walked to the door. He opened it and started to leave when he suddenly hesitated and turned back to Vaughn. "We're taught to detach ourselves from our patients. It's the only way of keeping yourself sane when you're doing something like this. I thought after all these years of practicing, it was a skill I'd mastered," he said pausing and looking around the room helplessly. Suddenly, his eyes found Vaughn's. "I just wish there was more I could've done." And with that, he'd turned and left.
Vaughn forced himself back into the present. Looking down at Sydney, he saw that she was still asleep. He found himself walking back over to the window and looking out. The sun was visible now, right over the water. He was almost tempted to wake Sydney up so that she could see how beautiful it was. It had been so many months since they'd seen the ocean. It was still surreal to be looking at it now. He could hardly believe that this was the day he'd dreamt about for years now: the day SD-6 was finally gone. He tried to imagine what this day would be like if things were different. He wondered what they'd be doing if Sydney weren't sick. He shook his head almost immediately, though, trying to banish those thoughts from his head. He knew he just had to try to be grateful with what he had. Part of him couldn't help but worry, though. He knew he should be relieved that SD-6 was finally gone, and part of him was. Another small part of him, though, couldn't help but wonder what happened now. That had been Sydney's main reason to fight. Now there was nothing to stop her from simply letting go. Nothing except him. Could he really ask her to hold on for him? Could he really ask her to remain in this world of suffering? Then again, could he really let her go?
"Vaughn?" The soft voice caused him to turn immediately. Sydney was turned toward him, still laying down. Her hand hovered above her now open eyes, shielding them from the stream of sunlight that had crept into the room through the partially open curtains. Vaughn noticed this and shut the curtains instantly, dimming the room for her sensitive eyes. He crossed back over to the bed and hit a button on the side, causing the top half to rise. He perched on the edge and only stopped raising the bed when she could easily look into his eyes without having to move. He saw her look around and take in her surroundings.
"Where are we?" She asked, her voice soft and wispy.
"In Malibu. It's a CIA-owned condo. We've been here for about seven hours," Vaughn replied, reaching down and taking her hand in his.
"I didn't dream it then," she whispered, almost to herself. "SD-6 is really gone?"
"They're gone. We did it," he assured her, bringing her hand to his lips. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"I remember being in the garage and watching the van that held Sloane pull away," she responded.
Vaughn nodded. "You collapsed in the garage. We got you to the hospital where they stabilized you and ran some tests. After a few hours, the CIA had you transferred here just to make sure you were safe."
Sydney shifted her gaze and looked toward the closed curtains. "So what now?" She asked.
"Honestly, I don't know. There's a CIA doctor coming over this afternoon. Basically, we'll know a lot more after the debriefs. Your father and Weiss are over at ops helping them out," Vaughn explained.
"What about you?" She asked, returning her gaze to his. "Have you been cleared to go home?"
"It doesn't matter. I'm staying here with you, Syd. I volunteered to be the agent in charge of your safety for the time being. They're not as worried anymore, but under the circumstances, they still want someone here with you."
"Vaughn, you don't have to stay. If you wanted to go home for a while, I'm sure-"
"I want to stay," he said firmly. Sydney looked into his eyes, seeing the look of determination in them. She realized this was one argument she simply wouldn't win.
"What were you looking at before?" She asked, changing the subject.
"Oh, just the ocean," he replied. Her eyes widened slightly.
"You can see the ocean from here?"
"Yeah, it's all you can see," he replied with a smile, getting up from the bed and crossing back over to the window. He grabbed the curtains in his hands and pulled them as far apart as they would go. Sunlight immediately flooded the room and the sound of the waves could be distinctly heard in the distance. Vaughn looked over at Sydney, whose eyes were absolutely sparkling.
"It's been so long since I've seen the water. It's so beautiful," she whispered in awe. Letting go of the curtains, Vaughn walked back over to the bed and rounded to the other side to sit with her, making sure he wouldn't block her view out the window. He climbed onto the bed and swung his legs up next to hers. He dropped a kiss into her hair as she continued to admire the view. A few minutes later, she turned, smiling, and dropped her head onto his chest, draping her arm over his stomach. He looked down at her and saw her eyes slip shut.
"Do you want to move so you can face the window?" He asked, his hand coming up to rub circles on her back.
She shook her head, eyes still closed. "I can feel it," she replied softly. He smiled and reached down with his free hand to hold hers, raising their joined hands to rest against his heart. He dropped a kiss to her forehead before closing his eyes as well. It didn't matter that the sun was shining directly on his face and that it was normally the time when he would be waking up. It only mattered that Sydney was in his arms. So he held her close and let the sound of the waves lull him to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Sydney awoke to find Vaughn still fast asleep. Watching him now, she realized that in sleep was the only time the creases on his forehead actually relaxed anymore. She knew it had probably been days since he'd gotten a decent night's sleep. She couldn't help feeling a pang of guilt, knowing she was the cause of his worry. Lifting her head, she pressed a feather-light kiss to his cheek, relieved when he didn't stir. She carefully extracted herself from his arms and got off the bed. She crept over to the window and closed the curtains to dim the room before crossing over to the door. Shooting one last glance at the sleeping Vaughn, she quietly left the room.
Once out in the living room, she immediately turned toward where the sunlight was pouring in. She was glad to see there was a deck outside and what appeared to be stairs leading straight down to the beach. She started to walk toward the door.
"Running away?" She suddenly heard from behind her, causing her to spin around. Weiss sat at the table in the small dining area, reading a newspaper.
"I didn't even see you," Sydney said with a small smile.
"Some good all that spy-training did you," he joked. She smiled, appreciating his sense of humor at times like this. At times when no one else seemed able to find any humor in anything.
"Well, I'm rusty," she joked back. He chuckled.
"Where's Mike?"
"Sleeping. He needs it, I don't think he's slept much the last few days," she replied.
"No, I'm sure he hasn't," Weiss agreed. "So where were you sneaking off to?"
"I just thought I'd go down and sit on the beach for a while," she replied casually. Weiss's eyes clouded.
"Syd, are you sure-"
"Don't be like Vaughn," she said, cutting him off. "I'm not a porcelain doll. I feel fine. I'll bring my cell phone and I promise to come right back if I start to feel sick." Her eyes dared him to argue.
"Okay, but when Mike tries to kick my ass for letting you go, I expect you to be here to defend me."
"Deal," she agreed, smiling. "Now where's my phone?"
"Oh, I kept it out for you. It's, um," he stalled, glancing around the room.
"Never mind," Sydney said, spotting it on the counter before he did. She walked over and picked it up, shooting Weiss an amused look. She walked over to the glass door and slid it open.
"Syd!" Weiss called before she could leave. She looked over at him. "Just do me a favor and don't go too far, okay?" While the request may normally have annoyed her, Sydney realized that in this case, Weiss was simply trying to spare his friend some worry when he woke up. She actually found it quite sweet.
She nodded. "Okay." With that, she slipped outside, closing the door behind her.
She immediately felt the ocean breeze hit her face and inhaled as deeply as she could. The smell of the ocean filled her senses. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed it. She moved to the stairs then, making sure to take them slowly. She was glad they were only two flights up. Finally, she reached the sand. She immediately reached down and removed her shoes, relishing the feeling of the sand between her toes. She set her shoes down near the steps and set off toward the ocean.
Reaching the water only seconds later, she tentatively dipped her foot into the edge of the water, feeling its temperature. It was almost numbingly cold, but she found herself unable to step back. The cold made her feel alive again for the first time in a while. Being cooped up every second in that cabin in Vermont, never even being able to venture far outside, had made her feel like a prisoner at times. Not to mention the fact that she now needed constant medical care. It was a rare moment when she could actually feel free. With SD-6 now gone, being allowed to be with the people she loved, and being able to actually walk on the beach by herself, Sydney knew this was the closest she would probably get to freedom.
She finally pried herself away from the ocean, seeing a large piece of driftwood sitting higher up on the sand. She walked over to it and lowered herself to sit on the sand, leaning back against it. She took a deep breath and allowed herself to look up at the sky. There weren't many clouds today, just a few hazy wisps here and there. Staring at it now, she was entranced by the endless blue. She remembered Vaughn's story about his mother making him describe the sky so he could realize the wonderful place his father was. Sydney wondered suddenly if Vaughn's father watched them now. If Emily did. If Danny did. She wondered if she'd watch over Vaughn one day soon. If she could make sure he went on with his life, if she would watch him fall in love again like she did after Danny.
She allowed her mind to wander then, picturing Vaughn ten years down the road. He'd have long since resigned from the CIA and taken up practicing law. He'd still keep in touch with Weiss and get together every week to watch some sports event or go out for drinks. He'd have a beautiful wife, a teacher, who would have nothing to do with his past. They'd live somewhere outside of LA, in a nice two-floor colonial-style house. He'd have a young son and a baby girl. Maybe he'd even name his daughter for her. Though she knew he would always keep a picture of her next to his family's at work, and though she was certain he would spent her birthday placing flowers at her grave every year, he would be happy. He would be living for both of them.
Though she couldn't deny the tears that came to her eyes when she thought about his future, she knew it was truly what she wanted for him. She knew that if Danny really were looking down on her now, he would be glad that she learned to survive and found happiness again. She knew that if she were to look down on Vaughn in a few years, she'd want the same. She didn't worry about his love for her fading. She knew that he'd love her forever, that he'd never forget her. She knew that he would always keep his memory alive, that he would tell his children stories about her and the adventures they once had together. He truly was her immortality, and she knew he wouldn't let her down.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn awoke an hour after Sydney, surprised to find himself alone in the room. He noted the closed curtains and smiled to himself at her consideration. He stretched and rose from the bed, rubbing his eyes. The sleep had done him well. His head felt clearer than it had in days. He walked sluggishly to the door, opening it and heading out into the living room. He noticed Weiss immediately, sitting on the couch and watching television. Vaughn couldn't help but smile at how typical the sight was. He was surprised, though, when he didn't see Sydney there as well.
"Calm down, she's just sitting on the beach," Weiss assured him, as if reading his mind.
"I *was* going to say hi before I asked where she was, just so you know," Vaughn told him. Weiss chuckled.
"I don't believe it for a second."
Vaughn smiled. "How long have you been here?" He asked.
"A few hours. She's only been down on the beach for an hour to answer your next question," Weiss replied.
"You're making this a very difficult conversation," Vaughn joked.
"And you're stalling. You don't need to sit here and talk pleasantries with me. You can go, I understand," Weiss said, gesturing toward the door.
Vaughn just shook his head and walked over to the door. "Be back in a bit," he said as he slid it open and stepped outside. He heard Weiss mumble something sarcastic-sounding before he shut the door. He immediately walked over to the railing, his eyes scouring the beach. He found her easily, sitting not too far away on a piece of driftwood. She was too far away to notice him yet, though, so he proceeded down the stairs. He saw her shoes sitting at the bottom and decided to remove his own and place them next to hers. He walked along the upper part of the sand, heading straight toward her. He ended up being a little higher on the sand than her, though, so she still hadn't noticed him when he was about fifteen feet away. He stopped then, taking a second to look at her.
She stared, unblinking, out at the ocean. The look on her face suddenly made a chill run up his spine. It was almost as if she were listening to some hidden voice in the waves. Like something was calling her, beckoning her. And in reality, he knew that wasn't too far from the truth. Not quite wanting to interrupt her thoughts, but not being able to simply stand there any longer, he proceeded toward her. She noticed him as he got just a bit closer and watched him approach, her expression unreadable. When he reached her, he lowered himself next to her, leaning against the same piece of driftwood. He noticed her gaze had returned to the sea and for a second, he allowed himself to join her in staring at the mesmerizing motion of the waves as they crashed against the sand.
"What were you thinking about just now?" He asked, surprised that he'd just spoken the question out loud.
"Oh, a million things," she replied simply. She returned her gaze to him suddenly. "How'd you sleep?" She asked, changing the subject. Something in her eyes continued to bother him, though.
"Better than I have in days. You?" He asked.
"I couldn't sleep for long. I just had to come sit out here for a while."
"Are you okay, Syd?" He asked, reaching over and laying his hand gently on top of hers. A ghost of a smile crossed her face and she looked back out at the water.
"Do you remember that night at the pier, Vaughn? The night my father stood me up," she asked in a distant voice.
"Of course I remember that night. That was the night I started to fall in love with you," Vaughn replied. He watched her close her eyes and smile.
"That was the first time we ever met outside of work. That was the night you became the only person I trusted. In a lot of ways, I think of that night as a huge transition point in my life. I still remember every detail," she said, her eyes still closed.
"Me too," Vaughn agreed. She opened her eyes then and looked at him.
"Do you think you'll ever forget those moments? Even in some small way?" She asked.
"No, Syd, of course not. Not even if I wanted to," he replied strongly. She nodded.
"Good," she whispered.
"Syd, what's going on?" He asked, leaning a bit closer to her. She looked down at his hand then, which still rested on top of hers. He saw a single tear escape from her eyes.
"I'm losing my mind, Vaughn," she said softly.
He shook his head. "Syd, you're not losing your mind. Things are crazy right now-"
She shook her head, cutting him off. She looked back up into his eyes. The intense sadness in them made his breath catch in his throat.
"I'm losing my mind," she said, slower this time, emphasizing each word. Vaughn froze then, realizing there was more to her words than he realized.
"What do you mean?"
To be continued.
A/N: Okay, hopefully that's not as bad a cliffhanger as the last one. If it is, I'm sorry! Oh and can I just say that I *love* the new season before, even though it makes me want to cry every five seconds. How amazing were the premiere and second episode? Can't wait for the third! And once again, I'm sorry this took a while. I've had papers, papers, and more papers. I have a four page one to write tomorrow alone. But then I have a blissful four-day break, during which I'm going to Pepperdine to stay with my friend. But I am bringing my computer, so I'll hopefully get a good amount of writing done. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter, sorry some of it was kind of dark. That's just what came out. There are happy things next chapter, I promise! And please review and give me some happy things during a dull day of paper-writing lol. Thanks guys!
Livejournal: www.livejournal.com/users/imetgillya
Author: SydGillyKC
Author's Note: Thanks everyone for the reviews! I'm sorry again for leaving it at that awful cliffhanger, but I just had to. The chapter was already pretty long. But I really tried to get this next part out as soon as I could, I promise, even though it still took a while. And for all of you SD- 1 readers, just so you know, I'm changing this story so that's just in the S/V section now instead of both that and the General section. So you can all read it there. And for you ff.net readers, you just have it easy lol. And last weekend I was lucky enough to get to be in the first row of Jimmy Kimmel when Jennifer was on, so if you want to read the story, I'll post the URL to my livejournal once again at the bottom. So anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter! And please please please keep up the reviews. Thanks!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Syd, wake up. Please wake up," he begged softly.
But her eyes remained closed.
*Say goodnight* *Don't be afraid* *Calling me, calling me* *As you fade to black*
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 32: The Ocean
Vaughn walked over and opened the curtains a little, looking out at the water that seemed to stretch endlessly toward the horizon. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. The sun was starting to rise now and the sky was a beautiful mosaic of colors. He could hardly believe it was already a new day. The days seemed to pass so quickly now, even though he wanted nothing more than to hold on to each one and make it last as long as possible. Time had become his enemy.
A faint groan from behind him snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned around immediately just in time to see Sydney stir slightly in her sleep. The move had caused a piece of hair to fall across her face. Without even thinking, he walked over to the bed and looked down. She always looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. He reached down and gently brushed the strand of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. She'd been asleep for nearly twelve hours now. After collapsing in the Credit Dauphine garage, she'd been rushed to the closest hospital. The doctors had stabilized her and ran tests while Vaughn had waited anxiously in the waiting room for two hours. Finally, the doctor had emerged and explained to Vaughn that Sydney was fine for the time being. It had just been a combination of stress and the slight pressure the tumor was now putting on her brain that had made her collapse.
The CIA immediately requested a transfer for her, worried that so soon after the takedown, there could still be someone out for revenge. They brought her to a CIA-owned condo in Malibu that was medically equipped. Vaughn couldn't help thinking that the CIA's resources never ceased to amaze him. Dr. Anderson had already been flown back home, his assignment complete now that Sydney was back home and as far as anyone knew, no longer in any danger. He'd bid farewell to Vaughn, Jack, and Weiss only a few hours ago. He'd wanted to say goodbye to Sydney as well, but she'd remained asleep and they all knew it was time for the doctor to finally return to his family. His service to them was complete. Vaughn had watched Dr. Anderson take one final look at Sydney through the small glass window in the door to the bedroom. He almost swore he saw tears in the older man's eyes.
"She put up a good fight," he'd said.
Vaughn had nodded, knowing truer words had never been spoken. "Thank you, doctor. For everything. I don't know if she would have made it this far without you."
Dr. Anderson had nodded at Vaughn and walked to the door. He opened it and started to leave when he suddenly hesitated and turned back to Vaughn. "We're taught to detach ourselves from our patients. It's the only way of keeping yourself sane when you're doing something like this. I thought after all these years of practicing, it was a skill I'd mastered," he said pausing and looking around the room helplessly. Suddenly, his eyes found Vaughn's. "I just wish there was more I could've done." And with that, he'd turned and left.
Vaughn forced himself back into the present. Looking down at Sydney, he saw that she was still asleep. He found himself walking back over to the window and looking out. The sun was visible now, right over the water. He was almost tempted to wake Sydney up so that she could see how beautiful it was. It had been so many months since they'd seen the ocean. It was still surreal to be looking at it now. He could hardly believe that this was the day he'd dreamt about for years now: the day SD-6 was finally gone. He tried to imagine what this day would be like if things were different. He wondered what they'd be doing if Sydney weren't sick. He shook his head almost immediately, though, trying to banish those thoughts from his head. He knew he just had to try to be grateful with what he had. Part of him couldn't help but worry, though. He knew he should be relieved that SD-6 was finally gone, and part of him was. Another small part of him, though, couldn't help but wonder what happened now. That had been Sydney's main reason to fight. Now there was nothing to stop her from simply letting go. Nothing except him. Could he really ask her to hold on for him? Could he really ask her to remain in this world of suffering? Then again, could he really let her go?
"Vaughn?" The soft voice caused him to turn immediately. Sydney was turned toward him, still laying down. Her hand hovered above her now open eyes, shielding them from the stream of sunlight that had crept into the room through the partially open curtains. Vaughn noticed this and shut the curtains instantly, dimming the room for her sensitive eyes. He crossed back over to the bed and hit a button on the side, causing the top half to rise. He perched on the edge and only stopped raising the bed when she could easily look into his eyes without having to move. He saw her look around and take in her surroundings.
"Where are we?" She asked, her voice soft and wispy.
"In Malibu. It's a CIA-owned condo. We've been here for about seven hours," Vaughn replied, reaching down and taking her hand in his.
"I didn't dream it then," she whispered, almost to herself. "SD-6 is really gone?"
"They're gone. We did it," he assured her, bringing her hand to his lips. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"I remember being in the garage and watching the van that held Sloane pull away," she responded.
Vaughn nodded. "You collapsed in the garage. We got you to the hospital where they stabilized you and ran some tests. After a few hours, the CIA had you transferred here just to make sure you were safe."
Sydney shifted her gaze and looked toward the closed curtains. "So what now?" She asked.
"Honestly, I don't know. There's a CIA doctor coming over this afternoon. Basically, we'll know a lot more after the debriefs. Your father and Weiss are over at ops helping them out," Vaughn explained.
"What about you?" She asked, returning her gaze to his. "Have you been cleared to go home?"
"It doesn't matter. I'm staying here with you, Syd. I volunteered to be the agent in charge of your safety for the time being. They're not as worried anymore, but under the circumstances, they still want someone here with you."
"Vaughn, you don't have to stay. If you wanted to go home for a while, I'm sure-"
"I want to stay," he said firmly. Sydney looked into his eyes, seeing the look of determination in them. She realized this was one argument she simply wouldn't win.
"What were you looking at before?" She asked, changing the subject.
"Oh, just the ocean," he replied. Her eyes widened slightly.
"You can see the ocean from here?"
"Yeah, it's all you can see," he replied with a smile, getting up from the bed and crossing back over to the window. He grabbed the curtains in his hands and pulled them as far apart as they would go. Sunlight immediately flooded the room and the sound of the waves could be distinctly heard in the distance. Vaughn looked over at Sydney, whose eyes were absolutely sparkling.
"It's been so long since I've seen the water. It's so beautiful," she whispered in awe. Letting go of the curtains, Vaughn walked back over to the bed and rounded to the other side to sit with her, making sure he wouldn't block her view out the window. He climbed onto the bed and swung his legs up next to hers. He dropped a kiss into her hair as she continued to admire the view. A few minutes later, she turned, smiling, and dropped her head onto his chest, draping her arm over his stomach. He looked down at her and saw her eyes slip shut.
"Do you want to move so you can face the window?" He asked, his hand coming up to rub circles on her back.
She shook her head, eyes still closed. "I can feel it," she replied softly. He smiled and reached down with his free hand to hold hers, raising their joined hands to rest against his heart. He dropped a kiss to her forehead before closing his eyes as well. It didn't matter that the sun was shining directly on his face and that it was normally the time when he would be waking up. It only mattered that Sydney was in his arms. So he held her close and let the sound of the waves lull him to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Sydney awoke to find Vaughn still fast asleep. Watching him now, she realized that in sleep was the only time the creases on his forehead actually relaxed anymore. She knew it had probably been days since he'd gotten a decent night's sleep. She couldn't help feeling a pang of guilt, knowing she was the cause of his worry. Lifting her head, she pressed a feather-light kiss to his cheek, relieved when he didn't stir. She carefully extracted herself from his arms and got off the bed. She crept over to the window and closed the curtains to dim the room before crossing over to the door. Shooting one last glance at the sleeping Vaughn, she quietly left the room.
Once out in the living room, she immediately turned toward where the sunlight was pouring in. She was glad to see there was a deck outside and what appeared to be stairs leading straight down to the beach. She started to walk toward the door.
"Running away?" She suddenly heard from behind her, causing her to spin around. Weiss sat at the table in the small dining area, reading a newspaper.
"I didn't even see you," Sydney said with a small smile.
"Some good all that spy-training did you," he joked. She smiled, appreciating his sense of humor at times like this. At times when no one else seemed able to find any humor in anything.
"Well, I'm rusty," she joked back. He chuckled.
"Where's Mike?"
"Sleeping. He needs it, I don't think he's slept much the last few days," she replied.
"No, I'm sure he hasn't," Weiss agreed. "So where were you sneaking off to?"
"I just thought I'd go down and sit on the beach for a while," she replied casually. Weiss's eyes clouded.
"Syd, are you sure-"
"Don't be like Vaughn," she said, cutting him off. "I'm not a porcelain doll. I feel fine. I'll bring my cell phone and I promise to come right back if I start to feel sick." Her eyes dared him to argue.
"Okay, but when Mike tries to kick my ass for letting you go, I expect you to be here to defend me."
"Deal," she agreed, smiling. "Now where's my phone?"
"Oh, I kept it out for you. It's, um," he stalled, glancing around the room.
"Never mind," Sydney said, spotting it on the counter before he did. She walked over and picked it up, shooting Weiss an amused look. She walked over to the glass door and slid it open.
"Syd!" Weiss called before she could leave. She looked over at him. "Just do me a favor and don't go too far, okay?" While the request may normally have annoyed her, Sydney realized that in this case, Weiss was simply trying to spare his friend some worry when he woke up. She actually found it quite sweet.
She nodded. "Okay." With that, she slipped outside, closing the door behind her.
She immediately felt the ocean breeze hit her face and inhaled as deeply as she could. The smell of the ocean filled her senses. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed it. She moved to the stairs then, making sure to take them slowly. She was glad they were only two flights up. Finally, she reached the sand. She immediately reached down and removed her shoes, relishing the feeling of the sand between her toes. She set her shoes down near the steps and set off toward the ocean.
Reaching the water only seconds later, she tentatively dipped her foot into the edge of the water, feeling its temperature. It was almost numbingly cold, but she found herself unable to step back. The cold made her feel alive again for the first time in a while. Being cooped up every second in that cabin in Vermont, never even being able to venture far outside, had made her feel like a prisoner at times. Not to mention the fact that she now needed constant medical care. It was a rare moment when she could actually feel free. With SD-6 now gone, being allowed to be with the people she loved, and being able to actually walk on the beach by herself, Sydney knew this was the closest she would probably get to freedom.
She finally pried herself away from the ocean, seeing a large piece of driftwood sitting higher up on the sand. She walked over to it and lowered herself to sit on the sand, leaning back against it. She took a deep breath and allowed herself to look up at the sky. There weren't many clouds today, just a few hazy wisps here and there. Staring at it now, she was entranced by the endless blue. She remembered Vaughn's story about his mother making him describe the sky so he could realize the wonderful place his father was. Sydney wondered suddenly if Vaughn's father watched them now. If Emily did. If Danny did. She wondered if she'd watch over Vaughn one day soon. If she could make sure he went on with his life, if she would watch him fall in love again like she did after Danny.
She allowed her mind to wander then, picturing Vaughn ten years down the road. He'd have long since resigned from the CIA and taken up practicing law. He'd still keep in touch with Weiss and get together every week to watch some sports event or go out for drinks. He'd have a beautiful wife, a teacher, who would have nothing to do with his past. They'd live somewhere outside of LA, in a nice two-floor colonial-style house. He'd have a young son and a baby girl. Maybe he'd even name his daughter for her. Though she knew he would always keep a picture of her next to his family's at work, and though she was certain he would spent her birthday placing flowers at her grave every year, he would be happy. He would be living for both of them.
Though she couldn't deny the tears that came to her eyes when she thought about his future, she knew it was truly what she wanted for him. She knew that if Danny really were looking down on her now, he would be glad that she learned to survive and found happiness again. She knew that if she were to look down on Vaughn in a few years, she'd want the same. She didn't worry about his love for her fading. She knew that he'd love her forever, that he'd never forget her. She knew that he would always keep his memory alive, that he would tell his children stories about her and the adventures they once had together. He truly was her immortality, and she knew he wouldn't let her down.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn awoke an hour after Sydney, surprised to find himself alone in the room. He noted the closed curtains and smiled to himself at her consideration. He stretched and rose from the bed, rubbing his eyes. The sleep had done him well. His head felt clearer than it had in days. He walked sluggishly to the door, opening it and heading out into the living room. He noticed Weiss immediately, sitting on the couch and watching television. Vaughn couldn't help but smile at how typical the sight was. He was surprised, though, when he didn't see Sydney there as well.
"Calm down, she's just sitting on the beach," Weiss assured him, as if reading his mind.
"I *was* going to say hi before I asked where she was, just so you know," Vaughn told him. Weiss chuckled.
"I don't believe it for a second."
Vaughn smiled. "How long have you been here?" He asked.
"A few hours. She's only been down on the beach for an hour to answer your next question," Weiss replied.
"You're making this a very difficult conversation," Vaughn joked.
"And you're stalling. You don't need to sit here and talk pleasantries with me. You can go, I understand," Weiss said, gesturing toward the door.
Vaughn just shook his head and walked over to the door. "Be back in a bit," he said as he slid it open and stepped outside. He heard Weiss mumble something sarcastic-sounding before he shut the door. He immediately walked over to the railing, his eyes scouring the beach. He found her easily, sitting not too far away on a piece of driftwood. She was too far away to notice him yet, though, so he proceeded down the stairs. He saw her shoes sitting at the bottom and decided to remove his own and place them next to hers. He walked along the upper part of the sand, heading straight toward her. He ended up being a little higher on the sand than her, though, so she still hadn't noticed him when he was about fifteen feet away. He stopped then, taking a second to look at her.
She stared, unblinking, out at the ocean. The look on her face suddenly made a chill run up his spine. It was almost as if she were listening to some hidden voice in the waves. Like something was calling her, beckoning her. And in reality, he knew that wasn't too far from the truth. Not quite wanting to interrupt her thoughts, but not being able to simply stand there any longer, he proceeded toward her. She noticed him as he got just a bit closer and watched him approach, her expression unreadable. When he reached her, he lowered himself next to her, leaning against the same piece of driftwood. He noticed her gaze had returned to the sea and for a second, he allowed himself to join her in staring at the mesmerizing motion of the waves as they crashed against the sand.
"What were you thinking about just now?" He asked, surprised that he'd just spoken the question out loud.
"Oh, a million things," she replied simply. She returned her gaze to him suddenly. "How'd you sleep?" She asked, changing the subject. Something in her eyes continued to bother him, though.
"Better than I have in days. You?" He asked.
"I couldn't sleep for long. I just had to come sit out here for a while."
"Are you okay, Syd?" He asked, reaching over and laying his hand gently on top of hers. A ghost of a smile crossed her face and she looked back out at the water.
"Do you remember that night at the pier, Vaughn? The night my father stood me up," she asked in a distant voice.
"Of course I remember that night. That was the night I started to fall in love with you," Vaughn replied. He watched her close her eyes and smile.
"That was the first time we ever met outside of work. That was the night you became the only person I trusted. In a lot of ways, I think of that night as a huge transition point in my life. I still remember every detail," she said, her eyes still closed.
"Me too," Vaughn agreed. She opened her eyes then and looked at him.
"Do you think you'll ever forget those moments? Even in some small way?" She asked.
"No, Syd, of course not. Not even if I wanted to," he replied strongly. She nodded.
"Good," she whispered.
"Syd, what's going on?" He asked, leaning a bit closer to her. She looked down at his hand then, which still rested on top of hers. He saw a single tear escape from her eyes.
"I'm losing my mind, Vaughn," she said softly.
He shook his head. "Syd, you're not losing your mind. Things are crazy right now-"
She shook her head, cutting him off. She looked back up into his eyes. The intense sadness in them made his breath catch in his throat.
"I'm losing my mind," she said, slower this time, emphasizing each word. Vaughn froze then, realizing there was more to her words than he realized.
"What do you mean?"
To be continued.
A/N: Okay, hopefully that's not as bad a cliffhanger as the last one. If it is, I'm sorry! Oh and can I just say that I *love* the new season before, even though it makes me want to cry every five seconds. How amazing were the premiere and second episode? Can't wait for the third! And once again, I'm sorry this took a while. I've had papers, papers, and more papers. I have a four page one to write tomorrow alone. But then I have a blissful four-day break, during which I'm going to Pepperdine to stay with my friend. But I am bringing my computer, so I'll hopefully get a good amount of writing done. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter, sorry some of it was kind of dark. That's just what came out. There are happy things next chapter, I promise! And please review and give me some happy things during a dull day of paper-writing lol. Thanks guys!
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