It has come to my attention that it's been a very long time since I've
updated. Well blame school!
Anyway I don't own Eva, if I did you all would be my lapdogs!!! HAHAHA!! Hey, if Anno made a fanfic, would he need a disclaimer? It would probably be the darkest fic ever. Well enough of my rambling, READ AND REVIEW!
"Means spoken, duh"
'Means thought, duh.'
WARNING: I'm rating this chapter PG-13 due to some language and a very um. . . strange seen. Also beware that this chapter will focus mainly on the zainy crazy side of the fic! May cause lung cancer.
Pen-pen was looking at the picture again. 'You know for a human that Asuka chick is fine. I guess Shinji is cute too, if I swung that way.' The penguin reminded himself. 'Well time to give it up.' The penguin spared one more glance at the picture of the topless Asuka on the topless Shinji. 'It was brilliant for me to take this! Oh well.'
The penguin waddled up to Misato and handed her the picture. "Pen-pen I love you so much, I'll have Shinji buy you a whole box of salmon!"
"Wark?"
"Of course they sell boxes of salmon! I've seen them at the fish market! Now I think I'm going to pay Shinji a little visit!" Misato walked happily towards Shinji's room.
Shinji was strapped naked and gagged over a wooden beam. Asuka walked up in a skimpy, tight leather outfit with knee high boots (DOMINATRIX AAAAHH!) and a whip very much like the kind jockeys use at hoarse races. She leaned forward exposing much of her cleavage and raised his head with the whip.
"You've been a very bad boy Shinji," CRACK went the whip across Shinji's face. "Now it's time for you punishment." The redhead said as she walked behind him.
"SHINJI!!"
The said boy bolted upright in his bed "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Gomen. Asuka don't spank me again!"
"Ok, I'll file that away and use it against you later. Are you alright?"
"Misato?" Shinji asked as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. "Wait just a sec." Shinji pulled a pen and notebook out of his nightstand. Dear diary, I had Asuka dream number 12 again, but was awaken before I could get to the good part. Shinji wrote. "What do you need Misato?"
"Well I was wondering if you could get me some. . ." Misato walked up to Shinji and whispered something in his ear.
"WHAT?!? Misato I'm not going to get those um. . . feminine hygiene products!"
"Well then I guess this picture will find its way onto the NERV Website..." Misato pulled the picture out of her pocket.
"Wow I didn't know Kaji could do THAT!"
"What? OOPS! Wrong picture. I meant THIS picture!"
"Cool, I didn't know that Pen-pen could do that either."
"WHAT?!?" She looked at the picture. It was of Pen-pen wearing a purple cowboy hat and riding a mechanical bull. "I was wondering what happened to that one." She stuck it back in her pocket and pulled another picture and looked to make sure it was the right one. "What about THIS picture?"
Shinji went pale "You wouldn't dare. . ."
"Oh yes I would!" Misato was grinning like it was Christmas come early. 'Ooh this is going to be good!' "Oh and here's a coupon book! ASUKA!" Misato walked out of the room with Shinji fallowing her slumped over with defeat.
"Ja? I'm brushing my hair right now." 'Ninety-nine, one hundred.'
"Would you mind scrubbing the floors today?"
"WHAT? No way, get baka to do it!"
"Well Shinji's going to be busy today and I thought you would like too, oh and would you look at this before you answer?" Misato wondered it she just singed her own death sentence with this. 'Oh well!' She shrugged it off and showed Asuka the picture.
"MEIN GOT! WHO THE HELL TOOK THIS!!!" Asuka made a lunge for the picture. "I'll kill Kensuke for this!"
"It wasn't Kensuke, it was a little birdie!" Misato said happily.
'Holy Crap!!! Is this woman trying to kill me?' Pen-pen ran to his fridge,
"What the hell are you talking about Misato?" Asuka tried anther lunge.
"You're not getting it that easily!" Misato cackled with mirth as she held the picture up high.
"MM. MMMM. MMMM." THUD THUD. Came from the hall closet.
"You know it's been three days since we locked him in the there. . . maybe we should let him out?" asked Misato. "Shinji go open the door."
Shinji walked up to the door and opened it. out fell the bound and gagged for of, you guessed it, that party guy. "MM. MMM."
"Now you're going to answer a few question when I cut the ropes."
"Misato were did you get that knife?" Shinji was terrified, if Asuka got a hold of that. . .
"Standard NERV issued." Misato bent down and cut the ropes and untied the gag. "Now who are you and what the hell are you doing in our home?"
GASP "Thank you. Name's Mark. Now can I get something to eat? Those small meals were good but there was barely anything on the plate."
"HEY! I gave you as much as anyone else!" Shinji said defensively.
"That's not the point! What the hell were you doing in our house?" Asuka was angry.
"That's a very good question," Mark rubbed his wrists in an attempt to restore circulation. "one that probably deserves a very good answer." His brow furrowed in deep though. "I'll tell you when I think of one."
"That's it smartass! I'm throwing you ass out!" Asuka grabbed his left foot and turned to throw him out of the apartment.
"O MY GOD! ASUKA, YOU RIPPED HIS FOOT OFF!" Misato screamed as Shinji passed out. (like a little girl!)
"No, no its ok. I lost my foot in a car accident when I was 8. that's a fake foot. Um. . . can I have that back please? Thank you." Mark removed his foot from Asuka's stunned hand and reattached it. "I'll just be going now. . . Wait!" He ran to the closet and picked up a plastic bag. "can't leave this, can't be my normal self is I don't smoke this." He walked out of the apartment and the sound of a lighter being lit was heard.
Well how did you like it. School is sapping my creative juices (along with my medications) so I apologize if it sucked! REVIEW! And I'm open to ideas and suggestions! Thanks for reading!
Anyway I don't own Eva, if I did you all would be my lapdogs!!! HAHAHA!! Hey, if Anno made a fanfic, would he need a disclaimer? It would probably be the darkest fic ever. Well enough of my rambling, READ AND REVIEW!
"Means spoken, duh"
'Means thought, duh.'
WARNING: I'm rating this chapter PG-13 due to some language and a very um. . . strange seen. Also beware that this chapter will focus mainly on the zainy crazy side of the fic! May cause lung cancer.
Pen-pen was looking at the picture again. 'You know for a human that Asuka chick is fine. I guess Shinji is cute too, if I swung that way.' The penguin reminded himself. 'Well time to give it up.' The penguin spared one more glance at the picture of the topless Asuka on the topless Shinji. 'It was brilliant for me to take this! Oh well.'
The penguin waddled up to Misato and handed her the picture. "Pen-pen I love you so much, I'll have Shinji buy you a whole box of salmon!"
"Wark?"
"Of course they sell boxes of salmon! I've seen them at the fish market! Now I think I'm going to pay Shinji a little visit!" Misato walked happily towards Shinji's room.
Shinji was strapped naked and gagged over a wooden beam. Asuka walked up in a skimpy, tight leather outfit with knee high boots (DOMINATRIX AAAAHH!) and a whip very much like the kind jockeys use at hoarse races. She leaned forward exposing much of her cleavage and raised his head with the whip.
"You've been a very bad boy Shinji," CRACK went the whip across Shinji's face. "Now it's time for you punishment." The redhead said as she walked behind him.
"SHINJI!!"
The said boy bolted upright in his bed "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Gomen. Asuka don't spank me again!"
"Ok, I'll file that away and use it against you later. Are you alright?"
"Misato?" Shinji asked as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. "Wait just a sec." Shinji pulled a pen and notebook out of his nightstand. Dear diary, I had Asuka dream number 12 again, but was awaken before I could get to the good part. Shinji wrote. "What do you need Misato?"
"Well I was wondering if you could get me some. . ." Misato walked up to Shinji and whispered something in his ear.
"WHAT?!? Misato I'm not going to get those um. . . feminine hygiene products!"
"Well then I guess this picture will find its way onto the NERV Website..." Misato pulled the picture out of her pocket.
"Wow I didn't know Kaji could do THAT!"
"What? OOPS! Wrong picture. I meant THIS picture!"
"Cool, I didn't know that Pen-pen could do that either."
"WHAT?!?" She looked at the picture. It was of Pen-pen wearing a purple cowboy hat and riding a mechanical bull. "I was wondering what happened to that one." She stuck it back in her pocket and pulled another picture and looked to make sure it was the right one. "What about THIS picture?"
Shinji went pale "You wouldn't dare. . ."
"Oh yes I would!" Misato was grinning like it was Christmas come early. 'Ooh this is going to be good!' "Oh and here's a coupon book! ASUKA!" Misato walked out of the room with Shinji fallowing her slumped over with defeat.
"Ja? I'm brushing my hair right now." 'Ninety-nine, one hundred.'
"Would you mind scrubbing the floors today?"
"WHAT? No way, get baka to do it!"
"Well Shinji's going to be busy today and I thought you would like too, oh and would you look at this before you answer?" Misato wondered it she just singed her own death sentence with this. 'Oh well!' She shrugged it off and showed Asuka the picture.
"MEIN GOT! WHO THE HELL TOOK THIS!!!" Asuka made a lunge for the picture. "I'll kill Kensuke for this!"
"It wasn't Kensuke, it was a little birdie!" Misato said happily.
'Holy Crap!!! Is this woman trying to kill me?' Pen-pen ran to his fridge,
"What the hell are you talking about Misato?" Asuka tried anther lunge.
"You're not getting it that easily!" Misato cackled with mirth as she held the picture up high.
"MM. MMMM. MMMM." THUD THUD. Came from the hall closet.
"You know it's been three days since we locked him in the there. . . maybe we should let him out?" asked Misato. "Shinji go open the door."
Shinji walked up to the door and opened it. out fell the bound and gagged for of, you guessed it, that party guy. "MM. MMM."
"Now you're going to answer a few question when I cut the ropes."
"Misato were did you get that knife?" Shinji was terrified, if Asuka got a hold of that. . .
"Standard NERV issued." Misato bent down and cut the ropes and untied the gag. "Now who are you and what the hell are you doing in our home?"
GASP "Thank you. Name's Mark. Now can I get something to eat? Those small meals were good but there was barely anything on the plate."
"HEY! I gave you as much as anyone else!" Shinji said defensively.
"That's not the point! What the hell were you doing in our house?" Asuka was angry.
"That's a very good question," Mark rubbed his wrists in an attempt to restore circulation. "one that probably deserves a very good answer." His brow furrowed in deep though. "I'll tell you when I think of one."
"That's it smartass! I'm throwing you ass out!" Asuka grabbed his left foot and turned to throw him out of the apartment.
"O MY GOD! ASUKA, YOU RIPPED HIS FOOT OFF!" Misato screamed as Shinji passed out. (like a little girl!)
"No, no its ok. I lost my foot in a car accident when I was 8. that's a fake foot. Um. . . can I have that back please? Thank you." Mark removed his foot from Asuka's stunned hand and reattached it. "I'll just be going now. . . Wait!" He ran to the closet and picked up a plastic bag. "can't leave this, can't be my normal self is I don't smoke this." He walked out of the apartment and the sound of a lighter being lit was heard.
Well how did you like it. School is sapping my creative juices (along with my medications) so I apologize if it sucked! REVIEW! And I'm open to ideas and suggestions! Thanks for reading!