Title: This Tear
Author: SydGillyKC
Author's Note: Okay, I know that it's been a while, but I swear I have a great excuse. You know those Alias Marathons you've hopefully read about on some of the sites? Yeah I'm running those. If you haven't heard of them, please visit www.aliasmarathon.com and read about them. They're going to be so much fun and they're going to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. So that's why I've been so busy. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter! We're getting down to some of the final few ones now, so please keep reading and let me know what you think! Thanks!
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"What's going on?" Vaughn asked. They both looked at each other, as if silently debating who were going to break the news to him. "Someone tell me," he begged.
Finally, Aly nodded at Weiss and both turned to look at him. Vaughn focused on his friend, knowing he'd obviously been the one chosen to tell him whatever it was that had them looking so serious.
"Sloane's gone."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 39: Every Moment
Vaughn's vision suddenly spun wildly, the events of the day mounting by the second and becoming entirely too much for him to handle. He felt his stomach lurch and he turned and raced toward the bathroom, making it just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Kneeling on the cold floor, head hung over the toilet bowl, he suddenly felt as if he was catching a glimpse of what Sydney had gone through all those months she was on chemo.
After a few deep breaths, Vaughn finally felt his stomach settle a little. He slowly stood up. He gripped the sink a minute and waited for his vision to stop swimming before he allowed himself to head back out to the living room. Aly and Weiss were both standing beside the table now and they immediately turned toward him, both looking incredibly concerned. Vaughn just shook his head.
"I'm okay," he assured them. "Someone just please tell me what the hell's going on."
Aly and Weiss both looked at each other skeptically, but Weiss finally sighed and turned back to Vaughn.
"We just received word that Sloane disappeared from CIA custody. Somehow, the bastard escaped. We know he had help, but we don't know who or how. And, as of this time, we don't have any leads," Weiss informed him somberly.
"That's not possible! How does a man just disappear from CIA custody? It doesn't make any sense!" Vaughn shouted angrily.
"I know it doesn't make sense, Mike, but it just is. There's nothing any of us can do about it," Weiss said as calmly as he could manage.
"He's right. And right now, you need to be strong for Sydney. I don't know exactly what happened in there, but it's pretty clear that she's getting steadily worse. She needs you right now, so you're going to have to let go of that which you can't change," Aly insisted.
Vaughn sighed. "You're right. Of course you're right. It's just been one hell of a day."
"Yeah, while we're on that subject......... what *did* happen in there?" Weiss asked.
Vaughn allowed his eyes to slip shut as he brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, willing the nausea back down at the memory of what had occurred only moments ago. "When she woke up, she had no idea where she was, what was going on, who I was." His voice nearly a whisper now, he visibly struggled to continue. "She was terrified, nearly attacked me. When she figured out who I was, she just lost it."
It was a long minute, without speaking, before they could all meet each other's eyes again. Even when they finally did, no one knew what to say. A knock on the door broke the heavy silence. Weiss quickly made his way over to answer it. Jack and Andrew stood outside and Weiss quickly moved aside so that they could enter. Jack immediately took in the expressions and Vaughn and Aly's faces and eyed them suspiciously.
"What's going on?" He questioned. Vaughn looked at Aly pleadingly. She nodded in understanding.
"Sydney had a pretty severe memory gap leading to something of a panic attack. We had to sedate her. She'll be out for a while," Aly explained. Jack's face remained expressionless, his body completely still, but his eyes revealed the pain he was feeling.
"She hasn't heard about Sloane then," Jack guessed.
"No, she hasn't," Vaughn replied. "And I don't think we should tell her."
"You don't?" Weiss asked, surprised.
"If things," he paused, "don't go well and the committee decides against giving her the treatment, I don't want her to have anything she feels she left unfinished. I don't want her to worry about it. At the very least, she deserves that."
For a long moment, the room was silent.
"I agree. She deserves some peace of mind. I won't take that away from her. For the time being, no one says anything," Jack said suddenly, meeting Vaughn's eyes. Vaughn suddenly felt a connection between the two of them. They were both in danger of losing the most important person in their lives. And second only to keeping her with them, the most important thing now was to give her peace.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
For the next two hours, the group all gathered in the living room and discussed the hearing. Dixon and Marshall were to testify the next day. After they returned tomorrow, Andrew was going to go over possible questions with Vaughn and Weiss. Vaughn was both anxious and excited to get on the stand. He knew that there was nothing negative he could ever say about Sydney, but he also knew that he and Jack were her strongest witnesses. Andrew had even said as much. And that, quite frankly, was a lot of pressure. It was like, every time he saw one of them on the stand, it was their hands that now held Sydney's life. He worried about the weight of that responsibility.
Andrew eventually left to meet with Dixon and Marshall. Jack said he was going to go to the office for a while to do some work, but he said he may return later that evening. Vaughn couldn't imagine what kind of work he could be doing when his daughter was in the next room, fighting for her life, but he chose not to comment. Aly decided to return to her condo for a while to change and grab something to eat. Weiss unsurprisingly planted himself on the couch and turned on the TV. Vaughn was in no mood to watch some half-hour comedy, so he did the only thing he could think to do. He went to sit with Sydney.
The first thing he noticed when he entered the room was that everything was exactly as he'd left it. The lights were off, the room completely silent aside from the sound of the heart monitor and the waves outside. Sydney hadn't moved at all in her sleep. The sedative was obviously doing its job. His chair sat empty beside the bed. He immediately moved to reclaim it. Sydney lay on her back, but her head had fallen to the side, a piece of hair laying across her face. Vaughn automatically reached to brush it aside. Sydney didn't stir. She looked so vulnerable in sleep, so young. Most people would never even know she was sick.
Vaughn suddenly found himself trying to imagine what they would be doing right now if she were healthy. The reports and debriefs about the fall of the Alliance would have been done by now, as he was sure they were at the ops center. They would most-likely be given a short vacation, a reward for a job well done. He would've taken her away, away from everything. To Malibu or Palm Springs or Santa Barbara. Somewhere where they could've gone to dinner together, gone shopping, and come back every night to fall asleep in each other's arms. They would've sat on the beach or by the fire and talked late into the night, learning everything about each other. It would've been perfect.
Vaughn allowed his eyes to slip shut, the images of them doing all of those things immediately bombarding his mind. It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep, escaping to a world where he could make it all come true, even if only until he awoke again.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn slowly became aware of his surroundings, registering even before he opened his eyes that the room had grown considerably darker. He allowed his eyes to flutter open slowly. He immediately noticed that Sydney was curled up on her side now, facing him. Her eyes were open and looking right at him. She smiled when he met her eyes.
"Morning sleepyhead," she said softly.
"Evening, actually," he replied, glancing at the clock.
"Whatever."
He sat up a bit, leaning closer to her. "How do you feel?"
The smile immediately faded from her face. "I had no idea, Vaughn," she whispered, her face looking haunted. "I didn't remember anything. I had no clue where I was or what I was doing here. I'm not even sure I knew *who* I was. And you-" she broke off, tears now filling her eyes, one managing to creep out and roll down her cheek. Vaughn reached out to tenderly brush it away.
"It's okay, Syd," he assured her softly.
"No, Vaughn, it's not. I can live without remember my middle name. I can even handle forgetting exactly where I am. But you are the last thing I'd ever want to forget, Vaughn, I am so sorry." Vaughn reached out and put his fingers against her lips, silencing her.
"Don't you ever apologize to me about this. You have nothing to be sorry about. None of this is your fault. And I will always, *always* be here to help you remember. I promised you that I wouldn't let you forget, Syd. I meant it," he assured her. Sydney nodded wordlessly as several more tears escaped. She reached out for him, bringing his lips to hers. They remained like that for a moment, unmoving, simply savoring the connection, before pulling back. He kept his eyes closed and rested his forehead against hers, feeling her breath on his face.
"I don't deserve you," she whispered. He chuckled softly.
"I've always thought it was the other way around," he replied.
"If I do get better, I'm going to find some way to repay you for taking care of me the way you have all these months."
He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. "As if there were something else I'd rather be doing."
"Playing hockey, going out for drinks with Weiss, visiting your mother," she listed.
"Nope, none of that even comes close to being with you," he said, a small smile on his face.
"Even when I'm puking my guts out after chemo?" She asked disbelievingly.
"Even then."
She smiled and reached up, running her fingers across his forehead and through his hair. "You're a saint."
Vaughn couldn't help the laugh that immediately escaped him. "Not quite," he replied.
"You are to me," she said softly. Her hand started to fall from his face, her body rapidly losing the strength to hold it up. Vaughn caught it before it fell, though, holding her hand against his cheek for a moment. He turned his face and kissed the inside of her palm before placing her hand gently back down on the bed.
"You should get some rest. That sedative's probably still in your system."
Sydney shook her head slightly. "I'm not ready to sleep yet, I want to talk with you for a little longer," she told him.
"Syd-"
"Vaughn," she said, cutting him off. "You and I both know that if the committee doesn't decide in my favor quickly, it won't be long before I go to sleep and just don't wake up. I don't have to talk to Aly to know that my body is shutting down. I just don't want to miss anything."
"You're not missing anything, Syd. Just Weiss, Aly, Andrew, and I sitting around and preparing each day of the hearing," he assured her.
"I know, but," she trailed off, her eyes dropping, focusing instead on his hand, which now rested on top of hers. "I want to make sure that I don't leave anything unsaid between us. I want to make sure that I tell you everything I need to. And whenever I do slip permanently out of consciousness, I want to make sure that my last memory is of you. I know that may seem selfish, and I don't mean to say that I want you sitting by my bedside every waking moment, I just.......... I don't want to leave drained of all my memories, and I feel like if your face is the last I see, then I'll be okay. Is that horrible of me?" She asked nervously, unable to meet his eyes.
He brought his free hand up to her chin, raising her face so that she was forced to meet his eyes. "Not at all," he stated firmly, making sure she believed him. "So much has been taken away from you, Syd, primarily your health. If there's one thing you have a right to, this is it." He paused. "You know I'll be here, right? I mean, if things really start going downhill, the hearing will go on without me. If we really think it's getting close, I'm here no matter what."
Tears immediately rose to Sydney's eyes. She nodded, completely speechless. The love and devotion she saw in his eyes at that moment nearly took her breath away. And suddenly, all she wanted to do was have him as close to her as possible. "Lay with me," she whispered through her tears.
Vaughn, caught off-guard, took a second to register what she'd just said before nodding his understanding. He rose from his chair and rounded the bed. He sat on the edge, removing his shoes, before swinging his legs onto the bed. He moved so that he was spooned up behind her, kissing the back of her head before burying his face into her neck. His arm went around her, hers automatically moving to rest on top of it. She sighed contentedly. They both lapsed into silence for a few moments and Vaughn wondered if she'd fallen asleep. Raising his head slightly, he saw that she was staring blankly out the window, her eyes glazed over.
"What is it?" He asked.
She snapped back to awareness quickly, blinking a few times before shaking her head slightly. "Nothing," she replied.
"I thought you didn't want to leave anything unsaid. If you're really going to let me in, now's the time to start," he reminded her gently.
She sighed. "I was just thinking," she paused, hesitating, "that it's moments like these that make me want to live more than anything."
"It's okay to admit that, Syd," he assured her. "Just because I struggle with the thought of losing you doesn't mean you have to pretend you don't struggle with it. I don't ever want you to lie to me, even if you think it's best for me. If you're scared, I want to know."
"That's just it, though. I used to be scared. The thought of succumbing to this disease used to terrify me. But now......... I just can't find it in me to be scared."
"Care to share some of that fearlessness?" Vaughn said, only half-joking.
"If only I could," Sydney replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "I worry about you, Vaughn. It's all I can think about sometimes."
Vaughn winced, hating the fact that she had to spend so much of what could very well be her last weeks of life worrying about him. "Please don't worry about me, Syd. I can't lie and say that I know I'll be fine. If I lose you, it'll likely be the hardest thing I'll ever have to go through, but the last thing I ever want to do is let you down. I will learn to live again, even if only because I know you'd want me to."
"You'd better. Or I'll come to you in your dreams and kick your ass every night," she joked. He laughed, the action feeling incredibly cleansing.
He sighed once his laughter was under control. "Speaking of dreams, I think that rest sounds like a good idea for both of us right about now," he said, the events of the long day driving him quickly toward exhaustion.
"I'll sleep if you sleep," she said softly.
"Deal," he agreed, allowing his eyes to immediately slip shut. He realized how exhausted Sydney must have really been when he heard her breathing even out only moments later. He was amazed by this woman sleeping in his arms. Just when he'd thought there was no possible way to salvage a day like today, a short time with her and nothing else mattered anymore. He knew he may lose her, maybe in a few days, maybe years from now, but he had her now. And she was right, there wasn't one moment worth wasting as long as she was still with him. Holding her close to him, he finally allowed himself to drift off to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn would later wonder if Sydney had somehow sensed what was coming. If she knew how fast things were going to go downhill from that night. Vaughn had slept the entire night by her side, not waking until the sun rose the next morning. He realized it was probably the longest he'd slept since Sydney had gotten sick. The day at the hearing had been a relatively short one. Whether that was because Agent Clark seemed hesitant to ask Marshall too many questions in fear of getting convoluted and incomprehensible answers, Vaughn couldn't say. When he returned to the condo, Andrew immediately sat with Weiss and him to prepare them for what they might be asked the next day. After two hours of that, Vaughn went in to sit with Sydney, who only awoke briefly before she needed a dose of morphine, putting her quickly back to sleep.
Vaughn again spent the night at Sydney's side, something that was becoming a kind of ritual for them now. It was almost as if they savored the opportunity to be close and at peace at the same time. Sleep was really the only way they could do that anymore. Before Vaughn knew it, morning came and he readied himself for the hearing. For him, this was the most important day. He expected to be quite nervous, but instead he found himself feeling only a sense of determination. Determination to go and defend Sydney, even if it didn't end up helping. He needed these people to know the truth about the life they now held in their hands.
Weiss's testimony was longer than most, requiring him to answer a number of questions about the time they were in hiding. Agent Clark didn't manage to force Weiss into saying too many damaging things, and Vaughn was grateful for that. He wondered if perhaps the lawyer was saving the real questions for him, but he tried not to worry too much. He didn't get much of a chance anyway. Before he knew it, he was on the stand. Andrew was approaching him, ready to ask his first question. And suddenly, everything seemed to move in slow motion. He saw the entire journey they'd been on this past year. It was almost as if everything had led to this very moment. After watching Sydney fight for her life for months, it was now his turn to fight. Every battle, triumph, and failure had come down to this.
"Agent Vaughn, how did you come to meet Agent Bristow?" Andrew asked.
*Her bozo hair and swollen lip did nothing to mask the strong emotion in this woman's eyes. Whoever she really was, she'd been through a lot. And she wasn't about to let down her guard now. So he simply took a chance and told her the truth. "I have an instinct."*
"What exactly did your assignment as Agent Bristow's handler involve?"
*"When you're at your lowest, at your most depressed, just remember you can always, you know. You've got my number." Her hand was suddenly on his, gripping it as if it were her lifeline. In a way, it was, though he wouldn't realize that until much later.*
"Would you say that Agent Bristow confided in you?"
*He looked around the room, realizing how empty it had become. His eyes suddenly found her, standing in the doorway, soaking wet. He could easily tell, even across the room, that she'd been crying. He was standing in an instant, moving toward her. He took her in his arms, trying to both warm and comfort her at the same time. She cried. He held her closer.*
"Would you please tell us about some of the Rambaldi artifacts you worked with Agent Bristow to recover?"
*"I have this aunt, Aunt Trish..."*
"How did you learn of Agent Bristow's illness?"
*"What? What did they find?" He asked anxiously, bringing his face closer to her so that she'd have to look at him. She straightened up in a way that said she was determined to gather the strength she needed to do this and looked straight into his eyes.
"A brain tumor. They found a brain tumor."*
"Why were you sent into hiding?"
*"I didn't want you to have to go through this alone. We've been together on this the whole way. I wasn't about to bail out on you now," he said with a small smile. His words truly touched her, and she quickly felt her eyes fill up with tears. Blinking them back, she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.
"Thank you."*
"Can you describe some of what you experienced while in hiding?"
*She felt her heartbeat accelerate when he leaned forward, slowly coming closer and closer to her face. When he was only inches away, he looked back into her eyes, as if asking for permission. She looked back at him. Apparently, it was enough. He closed the last distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.*
"Agent Bristow had some close calls while you were in hiding, didn't she?"
*Her eyes suddenly registered a deeper pain than the physical kind she was feeling. He couldn't remember ever in his life seeing her look so lost. It broke his heart all over again. He reached out and turned over the cloth on her forehead before bringing his hand back to her face, his knuckles brushing over her cheek. He looked deep into her eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat before he was able to speak.
"Syd, listen to me. You are the strongest person I know. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now and I can't pretend to understand what you're going through. But I do know that you have what it takes to get through this, even when things get as dark as they are now. I love you, and I'm going to stay right here, no matter what."*
"Tell me about the day Dr. Anderson told Agent Bristow that there was nothing more they could do for her."
*She looked up at him then, her arms still around him. His feelings for her were so plainly stamped across his face and it made her smile. "I love you," she whispered to him. He smiled through the tears she could see shimmering in his eyes and brought his hand to her face.
"I love you, too, Syd. Always. That'll never change," he assured her. She smiled again.
"You're my immortality."*
"The CIA reports have you listed as a part of the team that assisted in the Alliance takedown. Can you tell me a little more about the takedown?"
*"We did it, Syd," he whispered in her ear before pulling back suddenly. "What do you say we go make some arrests? I can think of one in particular I'd like to see right about now," he said with a smile. She nodded, took his hand, and followed him to the elevator.*
"It says here that you're currently the agent assigned to ensure Agent Bristow's safety. You currently reside in a CIA-owned residence with her, correct?"
*"It's been so long since I've seen the water. It's so beautiful," she whispered in awe. Letting go of the curtains, Vaughn walked back over to the bed and rounded to the other side to sit with her, making sure he wouldn't block her view out the window. He climbed onto the bed and swung his legs up next to hers. He dropped a kiss into her hair as she continued to admire the view.*
"Could you please describe to me what an average day is like in that residence?"
*"I think she's having a panic attack," Vaughn replied. Aly nodded and quickly ran out of the room. Weiss hovered near the doorway, his face a mask of worry. Vaughn met his eyes in a look heavy with a painful truth. Both men knew things were going downhill quickly. They were running out of time.*
"I only have one more question for you. Over the last few days, we've heard several witnesses speak of Agent Bristow's bravery and strength in dealing with her condition. Is it your opinion, from spending every day with Agent Bristow, that she wants to live?"
*She sighed. "I was just thinking," she paused, hesitating, "that it's moments like these that make me want to live more than anything."*
"Yes. Without a doubt."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The hearing ended in the early the evening. Vaughn felt exhausted from both the overwhelming number of memories that hit him during questioning and the pressure of Agent Clark's grilling. He found himself unable to even remember most of what he was asked. All he could do now was pray that he'd done more good than damage.
Andrew and Jack had separated from Vaughn and Weiss after the hearing, going somewhere or other to prepare for the final day of testimony. It had been decided that there was simply no way Sydney could give testimony, so Jack was the only remaining witness that Andrew was going to call. And unless Agent Clark decided to surprise everyone by calling a witness of his own, there would only be closing arguments before the committee would make their decision.
Vaughn and Weiss immediately headed back to the condo. After such a long day, all Vaughn wanted to do was sit with Sydney, even if it was just to watch her sleep. He watched tiredly as Weiss unlocked the door and entered the condo. Vaughn followed, closing the door behind him. The living room and kitchen were empty and quiet. Vaughn removed his coat and walked over to the table, draping the piece of clothing over the back of one of the chairs.
The door to Sydney's room suddenly opened, Aly rushing through it. Vaughn could immediately tell by the look on her face that something wasn't right.
"You're back," she said, obviously relieved. "I've been trying to reach you."
"I had my cell phone turned off for the hearing. What's going on?" Vaughn asked quickly. Aly sighed, her eyes already apologizing for whatever she was about to say.
"Sydney's taken a downturn. It, um," she paused, "it doesn't look good."
To be continued...
A/N: Okay, I know I'm mean for both the cliffhanger and the long wait for the chapter, but I did try to make it extra long to make up for it. Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when the next chapter will be up. There aren't too many more and I'm kind of excited to get to writing the ending, so hopefully I'll be able to find some time. Don't worry, I definitely won't abandon this story. It just may take me time. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated lol. Thanks guys!
Author: SydGillyKC
Author's Note: Okay, I know that it's been a while, but I swear I have a great excuse. You know those Alias Marathons you've hopefully read about on some of the sites? Yeah I'm running those. If you haven't heard of them, please visit www.aliasmarathon.com and read about them. They're going to be so much fun and they're going to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. So that's why I've been so busy. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter! We're getting down to some of the final few ones now, so please keep reading and let me know what you think! Thanks!
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"What's going on?" Vaughn asked. They both looked at each other, as if silently debating who were going to break the news to him. "Someone tell me," he begged.
Finally, Aly nodded at Weiss and both turned to look at him. Vaughn focused on his friend, knowing he'd obviously been the one chosen to tell him whatever it was that had them looking so serious.
"Sloane's gone."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 39: Every Moment
Vaughn's vision suddenly spun wildly, the events of the day mounting by the second and becoming entirely too much for him to handle. He felt his stomach lurch and he turned and raced toward the bathroom, making it just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Kneeling on the cold floor, head hung over the toilet bowl, he suddenly felt as if he was catching a glimpse of what Sydney had gone through all those months she was on chemo.
After a few deep breaths, Vaughn finally felt his stomach settle a little. He slowly stood up. He gripped the sink a minute and waited for his vision to stop swimming before he allowed himself to head back out to the living room. Aly and Weiss were both standing beside the table now and they immediately turned toward him, both looking incredibly concerned. Vaughn just shook his head.
"I'm okay," he assured them. "Someone just please tell me what the hell's going on."
Aly and Weiss both looked at each other skeptically, but Weiss finally sighed and turned back to Vaughn.
"We just received word that Sloane disappeared from CIA custody. Somehow, the bastard escaped. We know he had help, but we don't know who or how. And, as of this time, we don't have any leads," Weiss informed him somberly.
"That's not possible! How does a man just disappear from CIA custody? It doesn't make any sense!" Vaughn shouted angrily.
"I know it doesn't make sense, Mike, but it just is. There's nothing any of us can do about it," Weiss said as calmly as he could manage.
"He's right. And right now, you need to be strong for Sydney. I don't know exactly what happened in there, but it's pretty clear that she's getting steadily worse. She needs you right now, so you're going to have to let go of that which you can't change," Aly insisted.
Vaughn sighed. "You're right. Of course you're right. It's just been one hell of a day."
"Yeah, while we're on that subject......... what *did* happen in there?" Weiss asked.
Vaughn allowed his eyes to slip shut as he brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, willing the nausea back down at the memory of what had occurred only moments ago. "When she woke up, she had no idea where she was, what was going on, who I was." His voice nearly a whisper now, he visibly struggled to continue. "She was terrified, nearly attacked me. When she figured out who I was, she just lost it."
It was a long minute, without speaking, before they could all meet each other's eyes again. Even when they finally did, no one knew what to say. A knock on the door broke the heavy silence. Weiss quickly made his way over to answer it. Jack and Andrew stood outside and Weiss quickly moved aside so that they could enter. Jack immediately took in the expressions and Vaughn and Aly's faces and eyed them suspiciously.
"What's going on?" He questioned. Vaughn looked at Aly pleadingly. She nodded in understanding.
"Sydney had a pretty severe memory gap leading to something of a panic attack. We had to sedate her. She'll be out for a while," Aly explained. Jack's face remained expressionless, his body completely still, but his eyes revealed the pain he was feeling.
"She hasn't heard about Sloane then," Jack guessed.
"No, she hasn't," Vaughn replied. "And I don't think we should tell her."
"You don't?" Weiss asked, surprised.
"If things," he paused, "don't go well and the committee decides against giving her the treatment, I don't want her to have anything she feels she left unfinished. I don't want her to worry about it. At the very least, she deserves that."
For a long moment, the room was silent.
"I agree. She deserves some peace of mind. I won't take that away from her. For the time being, no one says anything," Jack said suddenly, meeting Vaughn's eyes. Vaughn suddenly felt a connection between the two of them. They were both in danger of losing the most important person in their lives. And second only to keeping her with them, the most important thing now was to give her peace.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
For the next two hours, the group all gathered in the living room and discussed the hearing. Dixon and Marshall were to testify the next day. After they returned tomorrow, Andrew was going to go over possible questions with Vaughn and Weiss. Vaughn was both anxious and excited to get on the stand. He knew that there was nothing negative he could ever say about Sydney, but he also knew that he and Jack were her strongest witnesses. Andrew had even said as much. And that, quite frankly, was a lot of pressure. It was like, every time he saw one of them on the stand, it was their hands that now held Sydney's life. He worried about the weight of that responsibility.
Andrew eventually left to meet with Dixon and Marshall. Jack said he was going to go to the office for a while to do some work, but he said he may return later that evening. Vaughn couldn't imagine what kind of work he could be doing when his daughter was in the next room, fighting for her life, but he chose not to comment. Aly decided to return to her condo for a while to change and grab something to eat. Weiss unsurprisingly planted himself on the couch and turned on the TV. Vaughn was in no mood to watch some half-hour comedy, so he did the only thing he could think to do. He went to sit with Sydney.
The first thing he noticed when he entered the room was that everything was exactly as he'd left it. The lights were off, the room completely silent aside from the sound of the heart monitor and the waves outside. Sydney hadn't moved at all in her sleep. The sedative was obviously doing its job. His chair sat empty beside the bed. He immediately moved to reclaim it. Sydney lay on her back, but her head had fallen to the side, a piece of hair laying across her face. Vaughn automatically reached to brush it aside. Sydney didn't stir. She looked so vulnerable in sleep, so young. Most people would never even know she was sick.
Vaughn suddenly found himself trying to imagine what they would be doing right now if she were healthy. The reports and debriefs about the fall of the Alliance would have been done by now, as he was sure they were at the ops center. They would most-likely be given a short vacation, a reward for a job well done. He would've taken her away, away from everything. To Malibu or Palm Springs or Santa Barbara. Somewhere where they could've gone to dinner together, gone shopping, and come back every night to fall asleep in each other's arms. They would've sat on the beach or by the fire and talked late into the night, learning everything about each other. It would've been perfect.
Vaughn allowed his eyes to slip shut, the images of them doing all of those things immediately bombarding his mind. It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep, escaping to a world where he could make it all come true, even if only until he awoke again.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn slowly became aware of his surroundings, registering even before he opened his eyes that the room had grown considerably darker. He allowed his eyes to flutter open slowly. He immediately noticed that Sydney was curled up on her side now, facing him. Her eyes were open and looking right at him. She smiled when he met her eyes.
"Morning sleepyhead," she said softly.
"Evening, actually," he replied, glancing at the clock.
"Whatever."
He sat up a bit, leaning closer to her. "How do you feel?"
The smile immediately faded from her face. "I had no idea, Vaughn," she whispered, her face looking haunted. "I didn't remember anything. I had no clue where I was or what I was doing here. I'm not even sure I knew *who* I was. And you-" she broke off, tears now filling her eyes, one managing to creep out and roll down her cheek. Vaughn reached out to tenderly brush it away.
"It's okay, Syd," he assured her softly.
"No, Vaughn, it's not. I can live without remember my middle name. I can even handle forgetting exactly where I am. But you are the last thing I'd ever want to forget, Vaughn, I am so sorry." Vaughn reached out and put his fingers against her lips, silencing her.
"Don't you ever apologize to me about this. You have nothing to be sorry about. None of this is your fault. And I will always, *always* be here to help you remember. I promised you that I wouldn't let you forget, Syd. I meant it," he assured her. Sydney nodded wordlessly as several more tears escaped. She reached out for him, bringing his lips to hers. They remained like that for a moment, unmoving, simply savoring the connection, before pulling back. He kept his eyes closed and rested his forehead against hers, feeling her breath on his face.
"I don't deserve you," she whispered. He chuckled softly.
"I've always thought it was the other way around," he replied.
"If I do get better, I'm going to find some way to repay you for taking care of me the way you have all these months."
He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. "As if there were something else I'd rather be doing."
"Playing hockey, going out for drinks with Weiss, visiting your mother," she listed.
"Nope, none of that even comes close to being with you," he said, a small smile on his face.
"Even when I'm puking my guts out after chemo?" She asked disbelievingly.
"Even then."
She smiled and reached up, running her fingers across his forehead and through his hair. "You're a saint."
Vaughn couldn't help the laugh that immediately escaped him. "Not quite," he replied.
"You are to me," she said softly. Her hand started to fall from his face, her body rapidly losing the strength to hold it up. Vaughn caught it before it fell, though, holding her hand against his cheek for a moment. He turned his face and kissed the inside of her palm before placing her hand gently back down on the bed.
"You should get some rest. That sedative's probably still in your system."
Sydney shook her head slightly. "I'm not ready to sleep yet, I want to talk with you for a little longer," she told him.
"Syd-"
"Vaughn," she said, cutting him off. "You and I both know that if the committee doesn't decide in my favor quickly, it won't be long before I go to sleep and just don't wake up. I don't have to talk to Aly to know that my body is shutting down. I just don't want to miss anything."
"You're not missing anything, Syd. Just Weiss, Aly, Andrew, and I sitting around and preparing each day of the hearing," he assured her.
"I know, but," she trailed off, her eyes dropping, focusing instead on his hand, which now rested on top of hers. "I want to make sure that I don't leave anything unsaid between us. I want to make sure that I tell you everything I need to. And whenever I do slip permanently out of consciousness, I want to make sure that my last memory is of you. I know that may seem selfish, and I don't mean to say that I want you sitting by my bedside every waking moment, I just.......... I don't want to leave drained of all my memories, and I feel like if your face is the last I see, then I'll be okay. Is that horrible of me?" She asked nervously, unable to meet his eyes.
He brought his free hand up to her chin, raising her face so that she was forced to meet his eyes. "Not at all," he stated firmly, making sure she believed him. "So much has been taken away from you, Syd, primarily your health. If there's one thing you have a right to, this is it." He paused. "You know I'll be here, right? I mean, if things really start going downhill, the hearing will go on without me. If we really think it's getting close, I'm here no matter what."
Tears immediately rose to Sydney's eyes. She nodded, completely speechless. The love and devotion she saw in his eyes at that moment nearly took her breath away. And suddenly, all she wanted to do was have him as close to her as possible. "Lay with me," she whispered through her tears.
Vaughn, caught off-guard, took a second to register what she'd just said before nodding his understanding. He rose from his chair and rounded the bed. He sat on the edge, removing his shoes, before swinging his legs onto the bed. He moved so that he was spooned up behind her, kissing the back of her head before burying his face into her neck. His arm went around her, hers automatically moving to rest on top of it. She sighed contentedly. They both lapsed into silence for a few moments and Vaughn wondered if she'd fallen asleep. Raising his head slightly, he saw that she was staring blankly out the window, her eyes glazed over.
"What is it?" He asked.
She snapped back to awareness quickly, blinking a few times before shaking her head slightly. "Nothing," she replied.
"I thought you didn't want to leave anything unsaid. If you're really going to let me in, now's the time to start," he reminded her gently.
She sighed. "I was just thinking," she paused, hesitating, "that it's moments like these that make me want to live more than anything."
"It's okay to admit that, Syd," he assured her. "Just because I struggle with the thought of losing you doesn't mean you have to pretend you don't struggle with it. I don't ever want you to lie to me, even if you think it's best for me. If you're scared, I want to know."
"That's just it, though. I used to be scared. The thought of succumbing to this disease used to terrify me. But now......... I just can't find it in me to be scared."
"Care to share some of that fearlessness?" Vaughn said, only half-joking.
"If only I could," Sydney replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "I worry about you, Vaughn. It's all I can think about sometimes."
Vaughn winced, hating the fact that she had to spend so much of what could very well be her last weeks of life worrying about him. "Please don't worry about me, Syd. I can't lie and say that I know I'll be fine. If I lose you, it'll likely be the hardest thing I'll ever have to go through, but the last thing I ever want to do is let you down. I will learn to live again, even if only because I know you'd want me to."
"You'd better. Or I'll come to you in your dreams and kick your ass every night," she joked. He laughed, the action feeling incredibly cleansing.
He sighed once his laughter was under control. "Speaking of dreams, I think that rest sounds like a good idea for both of us right about now," he said, the events of the long day driving him quickly toward exhaustion.
"I'll sleep if you sleep," she said softly.
"Deal," he agreed, allowing his eyes to immediately slip shut. He realized how exhausted Sydney must have really been when he heard her breathing even out only moments later. He was amazed by this woman sleeping in his arms. Just when he'd thought there was no possible way to salvage a day like today, a short time with her and nothing else mattered anymore. He knew he may lose her, maybe in a few days, maybe years from now, but he had her now. And she was right, there wasn't one moment worth wasting as long as she was still with him. Holding her close to him, he finally allowed himself to drift off to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Vaughn would later wonder if Sydney had somehow sensed what was coming. If she knew how fast things were going to go downhill from that night. Vaughn had slept the entire night by her side, not waking until the sun rose the next morning. He realized it was probably the longest he'd slept since Sydney had gotten sick. The day at the hearing had been a relatively short one. Whether that was because Agent Clark seemed hesitant to ask Marshall too many questions in fear of getting convoluted and incomprehensible answers, Vaughn couldn't say. When he returned to the condo, Andrew immediately sat with Weiss and him to prepare them for what they might be asked the next day. After two hours of that, Vaughn went in to sit with Sydney, who only awoke briefly before she needed a dose of morphine, putting her quickly back to sleep.
Vaughn again spent the night at Sydney's side, something that was becoming a kind of ritual for them now. It was almost as if they savored the opportunity to be close and at peace at the same time. Sleep was really the only way they could do that anymore. Before Vaughn knew it, morning came and he readied himself for the hearing. For him, this was the most important day. He expected to be quite nervous, but instead he found himself feeling only a sense of determination. Determination to go and defend Sydney, even if it didn't end up helping. He needed these people to know the truth about the life they now held in their hands.
Weiss's testimony was longer than most, requiring him to answer a number of questions about the time they were in hiding. Agent Clark didn't manage to force Weiss into saying too many damaging things, and Vaughn was grateful for that. He wondered if perhaps the lawyer was saving the real questions for him, but he tried not to worry too much. He didn't get much of a chance anyway. Before he knew it, he was on the stand. Andrew was approaching him, ready to ask his first question. And suddenly, everything seemed to move in slow motion. He saw the entire journey they'd been on this past year. It was almost as if everything had led to this very moment. After watching Sydney fight for her life for months, it was now his turn to fight. Every battle, triumph, and failure had come down to this.
"Agent Vaughn, how did you come to meet Agent Bristow?" Andrew asked.
*Her bozo hair and swollen lip did nothing to mask the strong emotion in this woman's eyes. Whoever she really was, she'd been through a lot. And she wasn't about to let down her guard now. So he simply took a chance and told her the truth. "I have an instinct."*
"What exactly did your assignment as Agent Bristow's handler involve?"
*"When you're at your lowest, at your most depressed, just remember you can always, you know. You've got my number." Her hand was suddenly on his, gripping it as if it were her lifeline. In a way, it was, though he wouldn't realize that until much later.*
"Would you say that Agent Bristow confided in you?"
*He looked around the room, realizing how empty it had become. His eyes suddenly found her, standing in the doorway, soaking wet. He could easily tell, even across the room, that she'd been crying. He was standing in an instant, moving toward her. He took her in his arms, trying to both warm and comfort her at the same time. She cried. He held her closer.*
"Would you please tell us about some of the Rambaldi artifacts you worked with Agent Bristow to recover?"
*"I have this aunt, Aunt Trish..."*
"How did you learn of Agent Bristow's illness?"
*"What? What did they find?" He asked anxiously, bringing his face closer to her so that she'd have to look at him. She straightened up in a way that said she was determined to gather the strength she needed to do this and looked straight into his eyes.
"A brain tumor. They found a brain tumor."*
"Why were you sent into hiding?"
*"I didn't want you to have to go through this alone. We've been together on this the whole way. I wasn't about to bail out on you now," he said with a small smile. His words truly touched her, and she quickly felt her eyes fill up with tears. Blinking them back, she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.
"Thank you."*
"Can you describe some of what you experienced while in hiding?"
*She felt her heartbeat accelerate when he leaned forward, slowly coming closer and closer to her face. When he was only inches away, he looked back into her eyes, as if asking for permission. She looked back at him. Apparently, it was enough. He closed the last distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.*
"Agent Bristow had some close calls while you were in hiding, didn't she?"
*Her eyes suddenly registered a deeper pain than the physical kind she was feeling. He couldn't remember ever in his life seeing her look so lost. It broke his heart all over again. He reached out and turned over the cloth on her forehead before bringing his hand back to her face, his knuckles brushing over her cheek. He looked deep into her eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat before he was able to speak.
"Syd, listen to me. You are the strongest person I know. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now and I can't pretend to understand what you're going through. But I do know that you have what it takes to get through this, even when things get as dark as they are now. I love you, and I'm going to stay right here, no matter what."*
"Tell me about the day Dr. Anderson told Agent Bristow that there was nothing more they could do for her."
*She looked up at him then, her arms still around him. His feelings for her were so plainly stamped across his face and it made her smile. "I love you," she whispered to him. He smiled through the tears she could see shimmering in his eyes and brought his hand to her face.
"I love you, too, Syd. Always. That'll never change," he assured her. She smiled again.
"You're my immortality."*
"The CIA reports have you listed as a part of the team that assisted in the Alliance takedown. Can you tell me a little more about the takedown?"
*"We did it, Syd," he whispered in her ear before pulling back suddenly. "What do you say we go make some arrests? I can think of one in particular I'd like to see right about now," he said with a smile. She nodded, took his hand, and followed him to the elevator.*
"It says here that you're currently the agent assigned to ensure Agent Bristow's safety. You currently reside in a CIA-owned residence with her, correct?"
*"It's been so long since I've seen the water. It's so beautiful," she whispered in awe. Letting go of the curtains, Vaughn walked back over to the bed and rounded to the other side to sit with her, making sure he wouldn't block her view out the window. He climbed onto the bed and swung his legs up next to hers. He dropped a kiss into her hair as she continued to admire the view.*
"Could you please describe to me what an average day is like in that residence?"
*"I think she's having a panic attack," Vaughn replied. Aly nodded and quickly ran out of the room. Weiss hovered near the doorway, his face a mask of worry. Vaughn met his eyes in a look heavy with a painful truth. Both men knew things were going downhill quickly. They were running out of time.*
"I only have one more question for you. Over the last few days, we've heard several witnesses speak of Agent Bristow's bravery and strength in dealing with her condition. Is it your opinion, from spending every day with Agent Bristow, that she wants to live?"
*She sighed. "I was just thinking," she paused, hesitating, "that it's moments like these that make me want to live more than anything."*
"Yes. Without a doubt."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The hearing ended in the early the evening. Vaughn felt exhausted from both the overwhelming number of memories that hit him during questioning and the pressure of Agent Clark's grilling. He found himself unable to even remember most of what he was asked. All he could do now was pray that he'd done more good than damage.
Andrew and Jack had separated from Vaughn and Weiss after the hearing, going somewhere or other to prepare for the final day of testimony. It had been decided that there was simply no way Sydney could give testimony, so Jack was the only remaining witness that Andrew was going to call. And unless Agent Clark decided to surprise everyone by calling a witness of his own, there would only be closing arguments before the committee would make their decision.
Vaughn and Weiss immediately headed back to the condo. After such a long day, all Vaughn wanted to do was sit with Sydney, even if it was just to watch her sleep. He watched tiredly as Weiss unlocked the door and entered the condo. Vaughn followed, closing the door behind him. The living room and kitchen were empty and quiet. Vaughn removed his coat and walked over to the table, draping the piece of clothing over the back of one of the chairs.
The door to Sydney's room suddenly opened, Aly rushing through it. Vaughn could immediately tell by the look on her face that something wasn't right.
"You're back," she said, obviously relieved. "I've been trying to reach you."
"I had my cell phone turned off for the hearing. What's going on?" Vaughn asked quickly. Aly sighed, her eyes already apologizing for whatever she was about to say.
"Sydney's taken a downturn. It, um," she paused, "it doesn't look good."
To be continued...
A/N: Okay, I know I'm mean for both the cliffhanger and the long wait for the chapter, but I did try to make it extra long to make up for it. Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when the next chapter will be up. There aren't too many more and I'm kind of excited to get to writing the ending, so hopefully I'll be able to find some time. Don't worry, I definitely won't abandon this story. It just may take me time. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated lol. Thanks guys!