Title: This Tear

Author: SydGillyKC

Author's Note: Sorry this has taken me so long guys! The Alias Marathons have been really consumed my life. But I'm happy to report that the Los Angeles marathon was completely successful! We had such a blast and raised more than $2500 for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundations. The other marathons also went very well. And then I drove all the way home (from CA to CT) and then my aunt passed away and then I got some writing done but then my grandmother passed away and now I've only been home for a day but I'm leaving tomorrow to be a counselor at a camp for kids with cancer for a week in Maine and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for yet another week. I feel horrible for taking this long in the first place. So I spent some of the day (when I wasn't packing) working on this and it's not as much as I'd have liked to have gotten into it, but I'll just post what I have. Now that it's summer, though, and I don't have anywhere to be until mid-July, I'll most likely be able to finish this up quickly! Thanks for your patience! Oh, and the poem used in this chapter is called "The Glory of the Day was in Her Face" by James Weldon Johnson.

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Vaughn didn't need anyone to tell him, when he awoke hours later, that Sydney would not wake up this time. He could sense it the second he opened his eyes. He held her closer, feeling her heart beat in time with his. A heartbeat was all that was left, he realized. Her spirit was somewhere else now. And he knew it was more than likely that her spirit was all that would ever find its way back to him.

Burying his face in her neck, he allowed his tears to fall.

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Chapter 41: Glory of the Day

Vaughn watched from across the room as Aly checked over Sydney. He didn't need her to confirm what he already knew: Sydney was in a coma. She was slipping away, and he knew he may never get her back. He may never see those beautiful brown eyes again. He may never hear her voice again. She was merely a shell now. Although he knew that people in comas were sometimes still somewhat conscious of what was going on around them, he was aware that part of her was already gone. This was the moment he'd been dreading since the second she spoke those life-altering words to him in the warehouse nearly a year ago. It was time to let her go.

Aly turned to him suddenly. He returned her gaze knowingly. She nodded.

"How long?" He asked softly, afraid to hear the answer.

"At most, 48 hours, though it's likely she'll be gone by morning," Aly replied somberly. Vaughn could see she was struggling with this information as well. She'd obviously become attached. It was inevitable. You couldn't truly know Sydney Bristow and not love her. It was simply impossible.

Weiss chose that moment to enter the room, his face registering every bit of dread he must have felt. "What's the word?" He asked seriously. Aly repeated what she'd just told Vaughn. Weiss hung his head. It was truly impossible, Vaughn repeated to himself.

"I'll call Jack and Andrew. They should be on their way back by now," Weiss informed them before quickly ducking out of the room. Aly once again turned to Vaughn, who couldn't seem to take his eyes off Sydney's unconscious form.

"You okay?" She asked.

He looked up at her warily. "I never imagined that I would ever willingly say goodbye to her. But I'm grateful I at least got that chance." He paused. "She was ready."

"Yes, she was," Aly agreed softly. She allowed herself a minute to look at Sydney before moving toward the door. "I'll give you some time with her."

"Will you send Jack in when he gets here?" Vaughn asked.

"Of course," she said, disappearing into the living room. And just like that, he was alone with Sydney again. But this time, he just felt alone.

He moved closer to the bed, standing over her. She was so still, so lifeless. It was painful for him to see her like this, being tethered to this world only by body, where she couldn't move, speak, or even see the loving faces that gathered by her bed. He felt torn between wanting to keep her here long enough to give the committee a chance to make its decision and wanting to let her go so her spirit could find life again, he hoped, in some other place, other world, other dimension. Somewhere he could only imagine and dream of. Somewhere he could not follow.

He reached out tentatively and took her hand. He squeezed it lightly, half expecting her to squeeze back, but, of course, she didn't. He felt scared suddenly, unsure of what to do or say. He knew these may very well be the last hours of her life. What could he possibly say to make them meaningful, to make them count? In his own way, he'd already said goodbye and knew he couldn't bear to do it again. He'd told her he loved her more times than he could count. He suddenly felt terrified with the enormous pressure he realized he was under. He didn't want her to live the last hours of her life in silence and stillness.

Looking down at their joined hands, he remembered the first time her hand had touched his that cold night on the pier. It was one of the memories she'd been terrified of losing. One of the memories he knew would be with him for as long as he lived. Suddenly, he realized what he had to do. She wanted to leave peacefully, with all of her memories intact. It was his job to ensure that that happened. He lowered himself to sit on the bed and tenderly reached out to touch her face.

"Syd, it's me." He paused. "I'm not really sure where you are right now or if you can even hear me, but I wanted you to know that I'm here. I know that you were worried about forgetting things, about losing memories that were important to you. I promised that I wouldn't let that happen. So here goes nothing," he said, taking a deep breath and searching his mind frantically for where to start.

"Do you remember that day in the bloodmobile? That first day? You were so confident, so determined. Hell, you were damn cocky," he said, chuckling. And suddenly this seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

The glory of the day was in her face

The beauty of the night was in her eyes

"I was so frustrated with you that day. I didn't really know how to deal with you. But when I realized that you really had no clue about the power of the people you worked for, my heart just broke for you. I didn't want to be the person who told you the truth, who made you realize what you were really in for, but I didn't have much of a choice. I thought you'd hate me, that you'd break down. But you didn't. You sat there, completely silent. I could see it in your eyes, though. I could tell how it killed you. I wanted to be there for you, but I knew after all you'd been through, you'd never trust me so easily. So I put the band-aid on your arm and let you walk away. I thought about nothing else for the rest of the day."

And over all her loveliness, the grace

Of morning blushing in early skies

"That day in the warehouse, after you found out the truth about your mother... that was the day I decided to throw caution to the wind. I watched you talk about your mother and I could hear the tears in your voice even before they filled your eyes. And then, of all things, you apologized to me. After having everything you believe about your past turned up side down, you not only thought about me, but you came out and apologized for something you were in no way responsible for. The need to hold you and protect you was just so strong that I stopped ignoring it. The feel of you in my arms was the most natural thing in the world. I think that's when I knew. That's when I realized that you'd always be a part of my life."

And in her voice, the calling of a dove

Like music of a sweet melodious part

"When I found you in the train station that day, after searching practically every other place in the city, I wasn't sure how you'd feel about my wanting to help find Will. God knows you were capable enough on your own. I didn't even know Will, and I wasn't sure that you wanted your two worlds to come crashing together so soon. After being put on the spot, though, after nearly selling you out and destroying your search altogether, it just became so clear what I had to do. I don't really know where the story about my father's diary came from. I know I never told you this, but I'm usually very hesitant to speak about my father. I can't remember the last time I shared a story about him with anyone. I was surprised to hear myself telling it. But for some reason, it just seemed right. I was relieved when you said yes. And then we were off to Paris."

And in her smile, the breaking light of life

And all the gentle virtues of her heart

"When I finally got my courage built up to ask you on a date, I knew I sounded completely crazy. Hell, I practically begged you to go with me. I can't tell you how happy I was when you agreed. Even behind that awful purple hair and make-up, your smile was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. That night, up until we were attacked at least, was one of the best nights of my life. Finally being able to talk to you about trivial details and memories was so amazing, Syd. And when the owner came over with that key, I knew it was wrong. I knew it was probably the last thing I should even be considering, but I didn't care anymore. I was too in love with you to say no." He wiped a tear from his eye.

But now the glorious day, the beauteous night

The birds that signal to their mates at dawn

"It seems strange that my happiest memories come down to the last year, after you were diagnosed with cancer and we were sent into hiding. I'm sure that would probably sound pathetic to anyone but us, but I know you know what I mean. Being able to kiss you and hold you, just to be with you whenever I wanted, it was amazing. I hated that you were sick, always wanted to forget that detail, but it didn't change how wonderful it was to be with you. Even during these last couple of months, after they told us there was no hope, I experienced some of the most incredible and beautiful moments in my life. Always with you. I don't think anything will ever compare to some of those moments." His voice fully cracked now. The tears streamed down his face and he bit his lip, unable to continue for a moment.

To my dull ears, to my tear-blinded sight

Are one with the dead, since she is gone

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he heard the door open across the small room. He looked up just in time to see Jack entering, closing the door behind him. Vaughn allowed himself a moment of relief that Weiss had gotten him there so quickly. Looking into Jack's tired eyes at that moment, Vaughn knew he was relieved as well. Jack allowed himself a moment to look at his daughter's unconscious form. His emotionless mask was cracking, most likely only moments away from shattering altogether.

"How did it go today?" Vaughn asked, breaking Jack from his daze.

"It was long. Agent Daggett apprised the committee of Sydney's condition as soon as we'd heard. Even though we'd run longer than expected with testimony, the committee agreed to let everyone finish up so they could start working on their decision," Jack replied solemnly.

Vaughn nodded, glancing back down at Sydney for a moment. "Have you spoken with Aly?" He asked.

"Yes," he replied simply. Vaughn looked up and, for a moment, their eyes locked. Standing on either side of the most important woman in both of their lives, an understanding passed between them. Though Vaughn always knew Jack to be the type to fight for his daughter's life at any cost, even that of innocent lives, he saw the same resolution in Jack's eyes that he knew Jack saw in his. They both cared enough for Sydney to know that if and when the time came, they would not prolong her suffering.

"I'll give you some time with her," Vaughn said softly, rising from his seat.

Jack nodded. "I appreciate it." Vaughn nodded back before crossing the room and, with one last lingering look at Sydney, leaving Jack alone with his daughter.

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For the rest of the night, none of them slept. Everyone gathered in Sydney's room in something of a vigil. Aly and Weiss sat at the table by the window while Jack and Vaughn stayed close to Sydney's bed, one on each side. Sometimes they spoke with each other, but mostly they remained silent. Vaughn half expected Sydney to sit up and yell at them for allowing the mood to get so heavy, but he had to believe that she'd understand. They were losing someone they loved, and there was no way to sugarcoat something like that.

Somewhere in the middle of the night, Vaughn found himself watching Sydney's every breath. Once he looked up at Jack only realize he'd been doing the same thing. Aly had said she'd likely be gone by morning, and morning was fast approaching. He wondered every breath if it would be her last. Sometimes a few seconds went by and he didn't see her chest rise. Each time he found himself holding his breath, torn between wanting her to stay with him and wanting to let her go. Each time, though, her chest would rise again, her life hanging on by a thread.

Andrew joined them sometime in the early morning. Vaughn only knew that because the sun hadn't risen yet, but he knew it well past midnight. When he entered the room, everyone looked up at him hopefully, but he just shook his head and told them he hadn't received word yet. Vaughn asked why he'd come there instead of going home to his family. Andrew said that he felt like it was where he belonged. Vaughn took a long look at him, then at Aly, taking a moment to recognize how grateful he was that these people had come into their lives, despite the circumstances. They truly cared for Sydney and had really dedicated themselves to helping her, to helping all of them.

Vaughn could hardly believe that, no matter what happened now, this journey was coming to an end. Granted that life in the CIA was hardly ever predictable, less so when working with a double agent, but he still never imagined his life taking a path like this. Ever since he'd met Sydney, he'd only ever considered the possibilities of working until SD-6 was destroyed or having to watch Sydney go into hiding. It had occurred to him that he would be sent into hiding as well, but only in the most extreme of scenarios. Never would he have imagined cancer entering the picture. He felt as if he still couldn't believe she had been diagnosed at all, let alone that she was laying in the bed before him, comatose and dying.

Thinking back over the last several years and remembering what he'd read and been told about Sydney's life before that, he knew it was surely a miracle she was still alive now. He knew that the majority of people doing what she'd been doing since she was eighteen would meet their end on the job. Even more would die as double agents. But not Sydney. Though Vaughn constantly worried when she was on missions, a part of him had always considered her invincible. Yes, she suffered. Yes, she got injured. Yes, she broke down sometimes. But she always carried on. She never gave up and she never stayed down. That idealism was gone now. Sydney was clearly not invincible. And yet, he found it somewhat comforting that she had not allowed the enemy to take her down. He knew that if she had to die as an agent, she would have wanted it this way.

Vaughn reached out to take her hand in his. Slowly, he brought her unmoving fingers to his lips and held them there. He closed his eyes, allowing a single tear to fall onto their joined hands. He knew, without opening his eyes, that everyone was watching him, but he couldn't care less. Since the day he'd met her, all that had existed in his world was Sydney. It was moments like this that he truly realized, no matter what happened, that was never going to change.

To be continued...

A/N: Okay, I know it was short, but keep in mind that I just posted what I had so far because I didn't want to make you guys wait another week while I was at camp. So since this is shorter than I intended, I'd say there's still either one or two chapters left, I'm not quite sure. Next chapter might very well be the last, we'll see. And I'll get straight to work on it when I'm back from camp, I promise!