Title: Boinked!
Chapter: 5/?
Authoresses: The Three Dimensions
Genre: Yaoi (Wait! I only write shounen-ai! Tasukete~!), (attempted) Humour (only on my part), General, Romance (gone-wrong), lemon-free (I don't write those kind of things!)
Warnings: Nonsensical stuff, OOC-ness, haphazard storyline, my poor English, etc.
DISCLAIMER: We do not own Saiyuki - but once we succeed in taking over the world…… *evil laughter*

Hikaru's Notes: Howdy, folks! This is your friendly neighbourhood authoress, the second of The Three Dimensions, Hikaru R. Kudou! I have to apologize immensely for the (extremely) late update, but I've been too caught up in school (I'm serious! Ask them! *points to Avarice and Solarwind*)
So, on with the story!

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Homura was over the blond monk, his hands caressing Sanzo's thick locks. "Sanzo, no…Konzen… All mine…"

Sanzo hiccupped. His vision was still blurry. He stared blankly at Homura. "Pretty."

"So are you."

"I know."

+ + +

"Kyuuu!!!"

Hakkai, somewhat nervous, smiled guiltily. "Just hang on. Only a little bit more."

"Come on, Hakuryu! You can do it!" Gojyo joined in. "Push! PUSH!"

Goku, his mouth full of buns, squeezed his words out. "Ah? Since when is Hakuryu pregnant?"

Shien raised an eyebrow. "You mean Hakuryu is a female dragon?"

"Kyuuu!!!!!!!" A small spark of fire was emitted from among the bushes the dragon was in.

"Oi! Crazy lizard! Do you want to burn the whole forest down?"

"Kyuuu!" Came another flame.

"My hair!"

"Gojyo!"

Shien, Zenon and Goku were standing a good five metres away from the bulky bushes. They were on their way searching for Homura and Sanzo when Hakuryu had to stop because of an 'emergency'.

"I can't believe we have to wait for that dragon to do its business!" remarked Zenon.

"I can't believe those two are actually accompanying the dragon to empty its bowels," added Shien.

"It's perfectly understandable, though. The dragon did eat a little too much in that last restaurant."

"Of course, the amount of food that dragon consumed was nothing compared to that of Son Goku's." Shien glanced at him.

"Wow! Lamb chop!" exclaimed Goku. "We should do take-aways often!"

"Hakuryu! You can't give up now! Just a little bit more!" Hakkai was saying.

"Damn you, Hakuryu! What have you done to my hair!?"

"Gojyo, calm down. There's not much damage done."

"Kyuuu! Kyuuu!!!!"

"Gojyo, I don't think strangling Hakuryu will be of any use to him."

"Whoa! Tofu!" Goku's eyes were shining.

Zenon made a face. "Yuck."

Shien's face was rather pale. "Hopefully Gojyo's hair is all right."

"Tch. I'm more worried about your credit card. You spent a huge sum of money in that restaurant. I never knew you're a millionaire."

"For Gojyo, I'm willing to do anything."

"I know…but Son Goku's the one who's eating all the food. Gojyo only had a drink of beer, that's all."

+ + +

"Konzen…"

"Homura…"

"Konzen…"

"Homura…"

"Konzen…"

"Homura…"

"Goku—eh?"

"Rinrei—I mean, Konzen…"
"So this is how it feels to be at the bottom…"

"Before we really get serious, there's something I want to give you."

"Really? You're so thoughtful…"

"To prove my undying love for you…"

"I hope it's not cigarettes. You know they're bad for your health."

"Konzen, you're so funny…"

"So what's in store for me?"

+ + +

"Hey, come on! What's taking you so long?" demanded Zenon. "It has been ages! We're wasting time!"

"Oi! Will you please shut up!?" Came Gojyo's thundering roar from the bushes. "This oversized lizard is giving me enough trouble already!"

"Wai! Fried noodles with roasted duck!" interjected Goku.

"That's nice…" mumbled Shien. 'My salary for the next 500 years - up in smoke…'

Zenon stomped his food in impatience. "Are you DONE!?"

"Not yet. ?@$?@#^!!"

"WHAT did you call me? Shien! Look at him!" Zenon was furiously shaking his finger in Gojyo's direction. "This-uncivilized, horny ?@$?@#^!!!"

"Nan dato????"

Shien paused briefly. "Zenon, stop it."

Zenon was clearly frustrated. "Just because you're—"

"Zenon!"

"Ah, ah-" Hakkai had appeared behind Zenon. "Thank you for waiting-"

Zenon turned abruptly. Trying to hide his blush, he looked at everything except Hakkai's face. "Well, err, no problem at all—"

Smiling, "Thank you."

Zenon finally got the courage to look straight into Hakkai's eyes. Hakkai's breathtaking, crystal clear, enthralling eyes. "Like I said, no problem."

"Oh." Hakkai moved his face closer to Zenon's. "Are you all right? Your face is a bit-red."

'$^@#! He saw it! I gotta stop using that face whitening cream!'

"Are you sick?"

"Ah, iie…I'm fine." Zenon pulled his face away rather reluctantly. "Let's get going. We have to find them as soon as possible, and not forgetting that little she-demon brat."

"You're right," Hakkai agreed. "Hakuryu, let's not scratch Gojyo anymore."

"&*^$!" Gojyo yelled.

+ + +

Genjo Sanzo was reduced to a helpless drunkard as the intoxicating poison began to take its full effect. His vision was constantly changing - from a shirtless Goku to Homura in leather - that he did not know what was happening in reality. Then again, even if he was awake, the sudden numbness which overtook him left him inanimate.

However, since he was inebriated, he went along with Homura's actions. And yes, he was enjoying it. Besides, with that (illusive) whip in Homura's hand, Sanzo knew better than to refuse.

Homura drowned his face in Sanzo's golden sea of tresses that Sanzo found himself breathing on Homura's neck. Their hands were entwined together in an unyielding lock. Sanzo could feel Homura' weight on him.

"Heavy…"

"I lost 10kg just two days ago. I have to look good in front of my love."

Similarly, Homura was undergoing a variable illusion. One moment it was Sanzo, the next second it was Rinrei. After that it was some kind of a fusion between Rinrei and Sanzo.
Scary, ain't it?

"Homura…"

"Konzen…"

"Give it to me."

"Give what?"

"You know what I mean. I want it bad."

"You mean-" At this point there was a perverse glint dancing in his eyes. His lips curved into a smile-a mischievous, wicked smile.

"The present?"

"Oh, that." Homura straightened and removed himself from on top of Sanzo. "I practised day and night to get it right."

"Are you going to sing?" Sanzo saw Homura onstage, with a medley of spotlights illuminating his lean figure, clad in a trendy leather coat. His fingers were strumming an electric guitar. Zenon was behind the drums whilst Shien the keyboard.

"No, honey bums. Its title is - Ode to a Corrupt Monk."

"Ooh, Shakespeare."

"I wrote it myself. I didn't ask him for help. Now listen!"

Oh, my monk!
Your hair is like a map of golden fibres
spun from straw
Your eyes like…like grapes fitted into your sockets
Oh, how I love it when you step into the battlefield
In those disturbingly attractive black socks
And those equally enchanting sandals
That turn a perfect 45 degrees when you counter attack

I would face the most powerful gods
Or donate my cloak to Kougaiji (he needs one)
Or let my beautiful face suffer a punch
or even (gasp!) baby-sit Goku for a week
Just to see you point your Wesson & Smith at me
and shoot sparks of eternal love
into my eager heart.

Oh, my monk!
What wouldn't I give for a vision of you?
Your robes billowing like sensual curtains in the wind
And your black vinyl top.so plastic,
So biodegradable!

A gust of wind flew past them before Sanzo finally spoke. "Bio-what?"

"Biodegradable. It means-" Homura took a pocket dictionary out from his pocket, Dictionary for Dummy Deities. "Able to be decomposed by bacteria."

"Sou ka? That's good. I was wondering what to do with it once I decide to alter my fashion sense."

"No, love. I like you the way you are."

"But I look good in everything-save perhaps, a wedding gown."

"Yes, sweet pie, but you look better in nothing at all."

"Homura no hentai."

[tsuzuku]

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Authoresses' Notes:
Hikaru: Oh my God…I did not write this chapter.
Solarwind: On the contrary, you did. But the ode featured in this chapter was done by Avarice herself.
Avarice: As you can see, Hikaru R. Kudou is not that innocent after all.
Hikaru: Sonna! I thought you're my friend, Rice-chan.
Solarwind: Here we go again.
Avarice: Rice-CHAN???
Hikaru: But I'm innocent!
Solarwind: Not anymore.
Avarice: RICE-chan?!?
Hikaru: Now that this chapter is done, we must bid you farewell!
Solarwind: Thank you for reading! Please leave us a review!
Avarice: RICE-CHAN!!!???