Warning: Shounen-ai, so many implied pairings we've lost count, at least one threesome (this is all your fault, Hikaru-chan), serious OOCness, plot holes you can drive Hakuryuu through, random insanity, references to almost every RPG ever made.
DISCLAIMER: Kazuya Minekura-sensei owns Gensoumaden Saiyuki. Avarice Riot owns her 133t writing skillz. Hikaru R. Kudou owns her lovable predictability. Solarwind Starfire owns copies of too many CRPGs and needs to get a life.
Boinked!
Chapter 10 ~ Dungeons and Dragon
= = = = =
"What do you mean you lost the key?!" screamed Sanzo, throttling Homura so hard his eyeballs spun in their sockets.
"IIIII mmmmerely mmmisplllllaced iiiiit," ground out Homura, who was starting to look slightly blurred.
A vein throbbed and came dangerously close to bursting on Sanzo's forehead. "That's the same thing, **** you!" he bellowed into Homura's face. The god's black hair flew back from the source of the monk's yell.
"Ssssso ssssstop ssshaking mmmmme ssssso IIIII caaaaan goooo looooook ffffor iiiit!" yelled back Homura, whose voice was vibrating almost as violently as he was.
"Please stop quarreling, Sanzo, Homura," said Goku in a very small voice. He was crouched on the ground between the two men, hands clamped firmly over his ears.
"Look, now you've upset the monkey!" yelled Sanzo.
"Me? You're the one who started shouting first!" screamed Homura.
"Why me?" whimpered Goku, trying to make himself even smaller.
"Oh, now it's my fault, is it? I suppose it was my fault you chained us all together, you ****ing hentai?"
A pause.
"Well, I wouldn't be much of a hentai if I don't… you know," pointed out Homura. "And besides, Konzen, I'd watch my mouth if I were you. You're chained to me, which means you're always within reach."
"I'd like to see what you think you can do to me, you-"
Goku, knowing that being between two of Togenkyou's most dangerous men in the middle of an argument was a very dangerous place to be, hunkered down, put his arms over his head and braced himself for the explosion.
"WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?!"
Nine heads turned as one. Nine pairs of eyes stared, including Goku, who did it from behind his fingers. Eight pairs of feet took several steps backwards, leaving a raging Hakkai with plenty of room to himself.
"Sanzo. Hands off Homura's throat."
The monk's hands let go of the fighting god's neck almost automatically.
"Homura. Let go of Sanzo."
Homura, in turn, released his grip on the corrupted monk's forearms. They swung limply to his sides.
"Shien, remove your hands from Gojyo's… just get your hands away from there, please."
"What, jealous?" shot back Shien, who had just noticed exactly where he had gripped the pink-haired half-kappa in his panic. He instantly regretted it, because not only did the throbbing on Hakkai's forehead increase significantly, but Gojyo, who had also just noticed the god's hands on an unmentionable part of his anatomy, turned an interesting shade of purple previously only associated with grapes, half-healed bruises and Sanzo's eyes.
Shien's subsequent screams snapped everyone else back to their senses.
"Ah… Hakkai-san…" said Yaone nervously from behind Kougaiji, "it would be nice if you would… calm down…"
Hakuryuu chipped in a few worried squeaks from its perch up a very, very tall tree.
Hakkai took a deep, shuddering breath and forced his face back into his usual smile. As his veins were still throbbing horribly, this provided a rather…interesting effect, to say the least. Yaone fought a sudden desire to scream and run.
"Now… Homura," said Hakkai in a very calm voice, "can you find the key to your manacles?"
"No," admitted Homura, sounding rather shaken.
"Do you know where they could be?"
"No… they're always in my jeans' pockets, just not… now."
"Do you remember where you've been?"
"Obviously not! Maybe you should ask this corrupted monk here, since he was obviously taking advantage of me the whole time-"
"What?! How dare you, you were the one molesting Goku and I-"
Hakkai's twitching eyebrow forestalled further arguments.
There was a nervous silence, punctured only by Goku mumbling "I'm hungry." No one noticed.
"So how are we going to unlock the manacles now, oh brilliant, powerful, wonky-eyed heretic god?" asked Sanzo sarcastically.
"How should I know?" snapped back Homura. "You-"
"The Oracle of Small Lost Objects!" blurted out Kougaiji, more to avoid an argument that might send Hakkai over the edge than out of any desire to be helpful.
Sanzo frowned at him. "What?"
"The Oracle of Small Missing Objects," corrected Shien, being helped painfully to his feet by Zenon. There wasn't a spot on him that wasn't black and blue. "You'd think that Gojyo, hentai extraordinaire, might overlook an accidental hand placement, but nooo…"
"Accidental? Please," sighed Zenon. "I know you enjoyed that."
"Well, yeah, but that's not the point-"
"Oracle of Small Missing Objects, Shien," prompted Zenon, watching Gojyo, who was periodically sending death glares in Shien's direction.
"Right. Oracle. Well, there's this minor goddess," said Shien carefully, feeling his ribs, "who's in charge of all those little things gods and mortals alike keep losing. Earrings, keys, socks, contact lenses, things like that," he said, ignoring Homura, who was shaking his head at him with a certain measure of terror.
"So we can just pray for her help, then?" asked Goku hopefully.
"Well, yes-"
"So ask, then!" growled Sanzo at Homura.
"My esteemed henchmen," growled Homura, glaring daggers at Sanzo, "have apparently forgotten that we can't very well get into heaven to ask her to her face, since our powers of teleportation have gone on the blink. And, down here, she will only answer prayers made at her temple, and," he added darkly, "her one and only temple is inside this huge dungeon."
Silence.
"Oh," said Goku. "So what's the problem?"
"The problem is," began Homura calmly, " monsters and traps and doors that will only open after completing puzzles and Kami-sama only knows what else!" he screamed.
Kougaiji and Yaone snorted. "Like Nii's lab, then," said Yaone. "Big deal," added Kougaiji.
Zenon eyed them speculatively. "Say," he said casually, "would you like to come along?"
"You'd be willing to brave untold horrors to separate them from each other?" asked Yaone.
"Of course," said Gojyo. After a while, he added, "But only so we can sleep at night. You know, without being disturbed by their screaming at each other, or their just plain screaming," he said, glancing at Hakkai. "Besides, we really pity the poor monkey."
"I am not a monkey!" snapped Goku, who was only prevented from tackling Gojyo by Homura's chains.
"Yes, fine sentiments, I'm sure," said Kougaiji briskly, gripping Yaone's wrist firmly, "but we've had enough punishment for one day an we should really be going home. Come along, Yaone," he said, walking away and dragging the female youkai after him.
"Wait!" called Zenon desperately. "We need you!"
"Whatever for?" asked Kougaiji, sounding rather amused.
"We need someone who can handle monsters and traps!"
"You're gods. I'm sure you can take care of stuff that's fatal to us mortals."
"Dungeons are sure to have treasure in them!"
"What the hell would someone who's technically the heir to the youkai throne need treasure for?"
"I'll treat you and your friends to dinner!"
"Getting desperate, are we? I'm not Goku, you know."
"I'll tell Heaven their coffee supply is in Houtou Castle!"
Kougaiji stopped abruptly, causing Yaone to walk into him. "What—" he sputtered, "-how the hell did you know?"
Zenon blinked. "Well, I do now," he pointed out smugly.
"This is blackmail!" said Yaone angrily.
"Yeah, well, that was grand theft," said Zenon. "You ever heard of what the gods did to the guy who stole fire from them? I wonder what they'll do to the youkai who steals their coffee."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the end, it was discovered that there was no chance of Hakuryuu agreeing to ferry nine people, not even when Hakkai's eyebrow started twitching like a caterpillar in agony. In the end, Hakkai ended up sending the chained, and therefore useless in a pinch, trio off to an inn in the nearest town before returning to the clearing to pick up the rest.
And so it was that it was almost midnight by the time our intrepid heroes got to the entrance of the dungeon.
"Lovely atmosphere," commented Zenon, tapping on one of the ornamental Skulls-On-Sticks that flanked the small, yellow stone building they stood in front of. "Beware, all ye seekers," he read the small, unobtrusive piece of parchment tacked underneath the huge sign that proclaimed the crumbling stone hut to be the entrance to the 'Dungeon of Despair', "lest ye find more than ye desire."
"Oh, wonderful," sighed Shien who was reading over Zenon's shoulder. "Clichéd dungeons. I love clichéd dungeons. Monsters and puzzles and mortal peril. I'll eat my boots if we don't run across an evil knight in a horned helmet."
"Flashlights?" asked Hakkai, checklist in hand.
"Got 'em," said Gojyo, waving a couple.
"Rope?"
"Yup."
"Iron rations?"
"Iron rations?" echoed Kougaiji in disbelief. "How long do we plan to be in there, anyway?"
Hakkai shrugged. "You never know," he replied.
"You know," said Kougaiji, "if we're going to be in there long enough to need rations, we might as well not bother, because Sanzo and Homura are going to have killed each other long before then."
"Oh, good point," said Hakkai. "Forget the rations then, Gojyo."
"Good, because were going to have to go without them anyway, Goku ate the last of them last Tuesday."
"Oh, never mind," sighed Hakkai. "Ready?" he asked.
"As we'll ever be," sighed Shien.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"How many rooms, mister?" asked the innkeeper.
"Two," replied Sanzo monotonously.
"My, my, Konzen, how smart of you," scoffed Homura. "Mr. Innkeeper, one room, please."
"Damn it, what are you trying to do!?"
"In case you hadn't noticed, there's no possible way for me and Goku to share a room, while you're taking the second room." Homura gestured at the handcuffs.
"But I want to be with Sanzo," Goku protested. "Who said I'm staying with you?"
"Dear, dear Goku, all three of us will be sharing a room—so you've nothing to complain about."
"Hah!?"
The bored innkeeper yawned, not at all interested in their debate. As long as they were going to stay and pay up, he would be happy. He checked his paperwork in an attempt to stay awake.
"I still want two ****ing rooms!" cried Sanzo hotly. "I've had enough of you for one ****** day!"
"Uhm, mister…" said the innkeeper timidly.
"What!?" asked all three simultaneously.
"We only have one room left."
"WHAT!!!???"
Sanzo snorted in irritation. "I'll empty another one." He reached into his robe.
"We'll take it," said Homura, quickly. "One night—is that right, Konzen?"
"**** you! Who's paying for the ****ing room, you or me!!??"
The innkeeper frowned, disagreeing to the, uh, adjective the monk had used to describe his inn.
"Neither. It ain't your credit card, you know."
Sanzo slammed the said credit card on the counter violently. "Give us the ****** room! I'm going to teach this good for nothing—"
"Yes, yes." The long suffering innkeeper handed a key to Goku, the most rational person among the trio at the moment, from his point of view.
"Thank you! Ne, do you do room service?" asked Goku, expectant.
"Err, no…"
"Is it all right for you to do so?"
Pausing to ponder, the innkeeper finally saw that it would be wise for him to. He would not want the monk and the raven-haired weirdo to wreck havoc in his eating place. Already they were scaring his other customers, and having to reconstruct his restaurant was not exactly in his short term goal.
He sighed in defeat. "One exception won't hurt…"
"Wah, suteki! Is this the menu? I'd like to have—" Seizing the golden opportunity, he ordered while the other two prisoners of Homura's menacing chains continued their altercation.
Who said Goku was not smart?
- - - - -
The room was completely dark. Lest this description gives the reader the wrong impression, it should be clarified that it was only the room that was dark. The ceiling, walls, floor and the very air were coated with tangible darkness that resisted all efforts of light to dispel it. Even the staircase they had descended had vanished into the blackness as soon as Zenon, who was in the rear, had lifted his foot from the last step. The assorted humanoid beings (and one dragon) standing in it, however, were lit perfectly well by several flashlights and a ball of light that floated cheerfully over Hakkai's head.
"This is weird," said Yaone, speaking for all of them.
"'Beware all ye seekers' indeed," grumbled Gojyo. "What are we supposed to find in total darkness?"
"Wait… what's this?" murmured Hakkai as he picked up a ragged piece of paper from the floor, or at least, what he assumed was the floor, since it was flat, horizontal and he was standing on it. "A note… 'You are standing in a torch-lit room,'" he read.
He blinked. Stone had indeed come into being, forming walls, ceiling and floor. Kougaiji prodded the wall with the toe of his shoes and then lifted a torch from its wall bracket. "Interesting," he mused.
"'You realize that one of your companions is missing,'" Hakkai read on, then frowned. "That's just silly, no one's gone anywhere—"
"Yaone!" exclaimed Kougaiji, looking around frantically. "She's gone! She was right here a moment ago…"
"Figures," sighed Shien. "She's the only female within two miles, unless Hakuryuu is a girl dragon."
"What do you mean?" demanded Kougaiji.
"She's the Damsel-in-Distress of the day," clarified Shien. "She's probably being tied up by the dungeon's boss as we speak."
"Boss?"
"The head honcho of all the little beasties that are probably crawling all over this place," said Zenon. "But don't worry, we'll get her back, most likely in one piece."
"It's not her I'm worried about," snapped Kougaij.
"Oh?"
"It's us! Yaone's the traps expert!"
All around the room, eyes went wide. "Uh-oh," said Gojyo quietly.
"'A heavy wooden door is in front of you,'" Hakkai continued reading. "What will you do?" Hakkai looked at the big, blackened door that had materialized in front of him, then at the blank wall where the stairs had used to be.
"We go through, of course," said Zenon in a fatalistic tone. "Do we have a choice?"
***
Sanzo, clutching stubbornly to the key ("My key, so hands off!") inserted it into the lock. He then pushed the door open slowly. "****."
"Eh? What's wrong?" questioned Goku, trying to catch a glimpse.
A few people glanced in their direction, giving them odd looks as they did so. The handcuffs were attention-seekers, and to have three drool-worthy bishounen's was a bonus too tempting to resist.
Homura, who was leaning against a wall quietly, lamented to himself. He could turn himself invisible to save him from this horrendous humiliation, but who could explain floating manacles? Sanzo, he was sure, could fend the irksome glares off easily with the help of his gun, but the scene would be in the front page of tomorrow's newspaper for sure. Sanzo would then run amok across many towns, thus driving Homura's sanity all the way to the Insane House for the Very Insane Gods in Tenkai.
So he had to make do for a minor article about them should there be one, on the condition that it would be nowhere in the first ten pages.
"Don't you know it's rude to stare?" Homura, his eyes still closed, said calmly. He unlid one eye, the golden one, and aimed a deadly glare at the onlookers, conveying his message through unfailingly. They shut their doors in a matter of seconds.
The heretic god smiled contently. He wasn't called the war god for nothing, was he? The thought that Sanzo could have done better never once crossed his mind.
Sanzo cursed again. He would not mind if he was solely chained to Goku, but to Homura as well? He should have known this problem would crop up, no thanks to Homura's pesky little 'jewellery' that he had been so eager to share.
"Wah! It's a king-sized bed!" exclaimed Goku. "It looks comfortable!"
Homura's eyes shot open, and he craned his neck to have a look for himself. "Konzen…there's only one bed?"
- - - - -
"'You are in a very large hall. Portcullises divide the room into many small, hexagonal chambers. Each chamber appears to have a pressure plate in the middle,'" read Hakkai. Indeed, gates of wrought iron appeared on cue along with the usual walls and torches. If seen from above, the room might resemble an odd, metal honeycomb.
"So what do we do?" asked Gojyo apprehensively.
"Step on that raised spot on the floor over there," directed Shien. Gojyo eyed the pressure plate suspiciously and then stared at Shien. "Don't worry," sighed Shien, "if I'm right, it should just raise some of these gates so we can pass through."
"I'll do it," volunteered Zenon, stepping on the plate. It sunk into the ground. Then, with much rattling and a ear-splitting squeak, three gates rose into the ceiling, providing ample space for the party to pass.
"Now what?" asked Hakkai.
"We pass through, step on plates, and pray that we go in the right direction," said Zenon. "I hate lever mazes," he muttered in an undertone.
"Stick together, people," warned Shien.
***
Genjo Sanzo was not happy. He was smoking his last cigarette, and he was craving for another. If not, something better. He gazed at Goku thoughtfully.
It is a general fact that Son Goku is alive most in noisy surroundings. In contrary situations, Goku would be more than willing to supply his companions with a sound or two. But for now, he would prefer to busy himself consuming all the food that was delivered to their room.
Homura, however, insisted that he had some meditations to catch up with, having wasted enough precious time running around and toying with them. Sanzo, naturally, ignored Homura's claims, believing that the god had no regrets whatsoever in "revealing the true ******* within him" to the public.
So off Homura went, to the rooftop by the window, sitting cross-legged and synchronizing his breathing. The two lumps on his head were getting sore by the minute. Unable to take the pain, he hopped back into the room.
Homura was greeted by Sanzo's frosty glares, trimmed with death wishes especially for him. Homura brushed past him blandly, paying no heed to the moody monk. Until…
"Hey."
"What do you want, *******?" said Sanzo acidly.
The chains prevented Homura from taking another step. "Will you please get your @$$ up? I need to go to the bathroom."
"Go, then." Sanzo grabbed a newspaper. "And while you're at it, why don't you do everyone a favour and drown yourself in the bathtub? No, make that the sink."
"Konzen, you're not helping in the least. I can't even reach the loo if you're just going to sit there." Homura, sighing, slid his cape off his shoulders. Tossing it on the bed, he stood with his hands on his hips and returned Sanzo's look. "If you're not going to help me, I'll ask Son Goku."
"Eh?" Goku swallowed, puzzled. He was too absorbed with his noodles to hear what the two were talking about.
Homura smiled sweetly. "Son Goku, would you be a dear and stand up? I have some business to take care of in the bathroom, but I can't reach it with these chains limiting my liberty."
"Oh, okay!" Goku moved closer to the toilet, his hand still holding a bun. "Will this do?"
Homura tried to enter, but he was still stuck, no thanks to his cursed chains. He mumbled an oath.
"No?" asked Goku, his bun now gone entirely. "Sorry, but that's the farthest I could go."
Homura frowned. "This is getting annoying."
Sanzo, his head full of curses for the god, put his newspaper. Seeing the golden eyed Goku, his stubbornness faded away into a state of oblivion. Firing a look that said you'd-better-be-grateful-or-else-you're-really-going-to-regret-it at Homura, Sanzo budged his chair closer to him.
"Are you happy now?" murmured the blond, his sarcasm too noticeable.
Homura beamed. "Why, yes, Konzen. I'm surprised to see this caring, nurturing side of you which I never knew existed deep under that lovable, cold, I-don't-a-give-a-damn personality of yours, dear Konzen."
Sanzo's eyebrows were twitching. "Just go in there before I change my mind and let your bladder suffer."
"Hai, hai…"
"Um, Homura…?" Goku voiced out. "Shouldn't you close the door? Sanzo always makes sure I close the door whenever I go to the toilet."
"That's easy, Goku." Homura smiled at his curiosity. "The chains wouldn't let the door close anyway, so why bother?"
"Oh…"
With the newspaper blocking his face, Sanzo snorted as he thought how Homura's perverseness could rival that of Gojyo's, perhaps by a long shot. Yet there was some hint of sneakiness that somehow made Homura more distinctive than common perverts. And Sanzo knew not what, or why, or even how.
Unnoticed by anyone, not even himself, a micro-smile had made its way to Sanzo's lips.
"Atsui!" Goku announced, leaning back in his chair. "Sanzo, can I borrow your fan? It's hot!"
The smile disappeared as fast as it came, and Sanzo involuntarily passed the fan to his lover. The fan, which most of the time served as a key to ensure some peace and quiet, had now condescended itself and was no more than an ordinary paper-fan, a slave to cool Son Goku down.
Having completed his own, ahem, private agenda in the loo, Homura stepped out; He was sweating furiously for some reason, that one wondered if his activities in the loo a moment ago was arduous, even for a god, requiring much feat. Sweat was glistening on his forehead and arms, and beady drops of water clung tenaciously to the ends of his hair, like morning dews to leaves. Homura's bodice hugged tighter to his body, revealing his lean yet well-developed muscles.
Goku found himself staring at the figure of Homura Taishi, barely blinking. In his eyes, Homura looked uncannily breathtaking, presumably outdone only by Sanzo. There was the amazing body, bearing an unmistakable resemblance to the corrupted monk. Goku silently thought to himself, that if Homura was to dye his hair blond, even he, Goku, would not be able to tell the difference.
Sanzo had peeked from behind his newspaper upon noticing the sudden stillness that had held the room. As he laid his eyes on Homura, they were stunned. Never the one easy to be filled with reverence, Sanzo knew splendour when he saw one with his own two eyes. And there was one, in the form of Homura Taishi.
Homura, on the other hand, was too engrossed in complaining about the heat, took no notice of his room companions. He sat nimbly next to Goku after asking for his consent.
"Any reason behind this courteous act of yours, Homura?" asked Sanzo, suspicious.
"None whatsoever," replied Homura, defending himself. "I just thought we might as well make peace for awhile, since there's no possible way we can avoid each other's company with these manacles tying our fates together. Don't you agree, Son Goku?" Homura smiled at him.
Goku was taken back. Sure, that was not the first time he had seen Homura smiling at him, but there was something else about it this time. And that something else made it…beautiful.
"So, Konzen…once you're done with that newspaper, would you mind passing it to me?" asked Homura.
"I thought gods know everything about this world and humans," Sanzo pointed out.
"Most of the gods, yes, but I'm only interested in several in particular." The glint in his eyes was almost insinuating, conveying the identity of the 'several in particular' to Sanzo and Goku. "Well, I'd better go to my place now—on the roof. Meditations, you know." Homura tugged the chains, a gesture to ask them to move from their respective places.
"Can't you just do it here?" demanded Sanzo, not really annoyed. "I'm reading here, damn it!"
Homura stared at Sanzo, not believing what he had heard. Sanzo agreeing to have him in the same room? This was news indeed. "Are my ears deceiving me? The great Genjo Sanzo just allowed me to stay here? In the presence of—"
"Don't push your luck."
- - - - -
In accordance with Murphy's Law, not only did each and every god, youkai and dragon end up in a different cubicle, but they also ended up scattered throughout the hall, hopelessly lost. It was not until Kougaiji, in a moment of brilliance, applied some lateral thinking that they managed to pass through the puzzle.
"That could have been done with less violence," grumbled Hakkai, nursing a burn as they left the room and the twisted, gently smoking wrecks of iron it contained behind.
"Oh, stop complaining," said Kougaiji. "We're out of there, aren't we?"
"Fireballs," murmured Shien. "Must remember that one."
***
To see Sanzo reflecting, musing about something, or anything for that matter, is almost as rare as seeing a chicken laying a golden egg. Normally he would just accept whatever coming in his way, with the invaluable assistance from his gun. In the case of his affection towards Goku, it rarely needed any thinking. He just let his intuition take care of Goku.
But here he was, sitting barely two feet away from someone who he thought was his arch nemesis, a rival who would not stop at anything to take Goku, his Goku, away from him. The same adversary who posed a threat, like a tickling time-bomb, just waiting to explode and annihilate the bond that had blossomed between the monk and the monkey.
'…What the heck is going on here?'
Okay, so Sanzo did acknowledge that Homura looked marvellous back then. But the point was, Sanzo was with Goku!
…But Homura was…different.
While Goku's charms lie in his incredible naivety, Homura's were more mature and adult-like. The way Homura carried himself was with a degree of dignity, displaying his superior air for his opponents to see.
Sanzo clutched his forehead, his fingers inadvertently lingering on his lips.
'Can it be…? Now I'm falling for Homura too? ****.'
- - - - -
Goku, who had finished his food, leant back in his chair, rubbing his now round stomach in the process. He straightened, now inspecting the other two occupants in the room.
To Goku, Sanzo was acting a wee peculiar than normal. Goku's observant eyes noted that Sanzo was stealing glances in Homura's direction every now and then. Before he could ask, Sanzo had switched his gaze, now affixed upon him.
"What?" said Sanzo.
"N-Nothing…" Goku stammered.
A minute passed before the blond resumed. "Come over here."
Despite his full stomach, Goku, obedient as usual, approached Sanzo, wondering if he had done anything wrong thus aggravating Sanzo. To his delight, Sanzo, who was still reading the newspaper, patted his lap with his free hand. The message was certain; He was alluding to Goku, ordering him to get on his lap.
Goku did as he was told, and became cognizant of the fact that he could see Homura's countenance better from where he was now. Awed to see Homura's lean body, Goku could not help but think that Homura nearly resembled his own beloved Sanzo.
And, at that moment too, he realized that his heart, which was beating twice as fast, had amplified to a great extent—and now beating much, much faster beyond imagination, that his chest was in danger of imploding.
- - - - -
Homura crossed his legs and his arms, sighing heavily. Finally, with a discontented grunt, he pushed his chair away somewhat roughly and settled on the floor. He took a deep breath, relaxed his muscles and his eyelids, sealed shut.
But peace of mind was something he did not acquire.
A myriad of questions were spinning in the walls of his cerebrum, bouncing and ricocheting in an intricately erratic fashion. The echo from all his brain activity coagulated, forming copious blockages here and there, while others group together and pummelled down due to its massive weight, until it came to a sudden stop, only to remain in the hollow portion in his chest, disrupting and disharmonizing his natural blood flow.
His raucously disturbing oath did nothing to cure his condition, only earning him an unappreciative look from the monk and a quizzical blink from Goku.
Homura stretched his legs out, and repeated the whole manoeuvre, to no avail.
"Sanzo, what's wrong with Homura?" asked a concerned Goku.
Ever since Rinrei's departure from the journal of his life, Homura had thought that Son Goku—and only him—could ever replace her and pervade the unbearable void in him. But now he was musing about Genjo Sanzo, who apparently had left the same impact on him as Son Goku did.
"Just leave him alone," Sanzo responded.
Usually Homura had never given a threesome a thought, but that was about to change. And a whole load of other things.
- - - - -
Fireballs stood them in good stead as they encountered, in quick succession, a horde of orcs, more goblins than should be allowed to congregate in one spot, a lever puzzle involving wooden doors, fluffy, evil evidence that Nii's Bunnies of Doom may not have been genetically engineered after all, a plague-sized swarm of gnats, and a lone mind flayer that tried to eat Gojyo's brain and was shot repeatedly for its trouble. Kougaiji fireballed it anyway, just in case having numerous holes in its torso was not enough to kill the squid-headed thing.
"What the hell were those things?" said Kougaiji.
"What, the rabbits?" asked Zenon sardonically, rather wondering at Kougaiji's sudden violent (but very timely) reaction to the critters.
"No, those… strange creatures. The big, green ones with bad teeth, the small, smelly ones and the squid mage."
Shien helpfully passed Kougaiji a thick book entitled A Beginner's Guide to Dungeon Crawling.
"Ah," said Kougaiji in an enlightened tone, skimming through Page 298 (When to Expect the Unexpected). "So we should be coming to a minor boss right about …now."
"You mean that demon over there?" asked Hakkai nervously.
"What, only one demon? Hah. We've got three," snorted Shien.
"He said demon, not youkai," said Kougaiji from about Page 305 (Commonly Encountered Beasts and Factions). "Despite what you people think, a demon is actually a being from the lower planes, while my people—"
"And semantics is relevant to our situation how?"
"Er, well…" Hakkai gestured weakly at a huge figure of shadows and smoke standing in a corner. It seemed to mainly be smouldering gently, although its wings were definitely on fire. Its eyes glowed a blazing red. Its head had the outline of horns, and it seemed to have folded its arms over its chest. Big, muscular arms that ended in claws. Big claws.
"ARE YOU GENTLEMEN QUITE DONE YET?" the demon boomed, drawing its huge sword. It burned with flames. "I BELIEVE I AM SCHEDULED TO SLAUGHTER YOU ALL RIGHT NOW, AND I DO HATE TO BE LATE FOR AN APPOINTMENT."
"AIIIEEEEEE!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was getting late, and so far they had heard nothing from the other party. The three were getting impatient, if not restive.
Goku, a born optimist, was too sleepy to attend to his moods. He yawned broadly.
"I want to sleep," he told Sanzo.
Sanzo, who was in fact, tired himself, nodded once in agreement. Giving Homura a commanding look, ordering him to move closer to the bed, he settled next to Goku on the soft mattress, with his back against the wall.
"Good night, Sanzo…and Homura." Goku flashed a beaming smile.
Homura had no idea what got into him at that second, and what made him bend over and give a surprised Goku a mild peck on his forehead. When Homura became aware of what he had pulled off, he knew he was in for a really nasty punishment. He waited for hell to break loose.
Only to see Sanzo looking at him. No threat, no movement at all—just that look.
Goku, with a smile and a pair of crimson cheeks, whispered a thank you to Homura. He turned quickly to Sanzo, afraid that Sanzo would murder him in cold blood for thanking Homura for the kiss—which Goku somehow liked.
Sanzo did not say anything, but awarded Goku with a kiss of his own, much to shorter lad's joy.
"Thank you, Sanzo…" Goku closed his eyes, sighed in satisfaction, and sailed off to slumberland.
"So…Konzen…" ventured Homura carefully. "Are you still mad?"
Sanzo glanced at him. "Maybe."
Homura hated ambiguous answers, and if it was not because Goku was asleep, he would have gotten into a catfight with Sanzo. He opened his mouth to ask for a more explicit answer, but Sanzo beat him to it.
"I still think I'm a better kisser than you are."
Homura gawked at him upon hearing the unexpected coming from the blond's lips. Homura grinned. "I wouldn't bet on it if I were you."
Sanzo snorted quietly as he turned away.
"So…want me to test your theory and prove you wrong?" said Homura dryly.
- - - - -
Elsewhere in the dungeon, in a decidedly better furnished room, a battle of a different sort raged. Well, not raged, exactly. If a battle involving swords, sorcery, machine guns and Balrogs could be likened to a violent thunderstorm, then this was a thin stream of water from a leaky facet.
Yaone folded her arms across her chest, and tried to ignore the dragging weight of the chains manacled to her wrists. "I am absolutely not putting that on," declared Yaone. That was a dress. The kind of dress every girl wants… when she is five, and wants to be a princess or a ballerina when she grows up. It was pink and frilly. In fact, it was so frilly it resembled cotton candy.
"Dammit, woman," boomed the knight she was arguing with. Like any good evil knight, he had black armour with spikes in inconvenient places, a helmet with huge horns, and an obscenely huge sword. "You can't be a proper damsel-in-distress without a dress."
"But I don't want to be a damsel-in-distress!" wailed Yaone. "Why don't you just let me go, Sir Knight, and we forget about the whole thing?"
"Because this is a dungeon," said the knight patiently. "Dungeons have got to have at least one damsel-in-distress who's been captured by the Evil Knight or the Dreaded Dragon. It's a rule. Got that, Sara?"
"You can jolly well show me where that rule's written down, then," said Yaone stoutly. "And my name's not Sara. It's Yaone."
"Well, uh…" began the knight uncertainly, "I… I don't have to show you where that rule's written down! You're my captive, and you have to do as I say!" he proclaimed triumphantly. "Besides, I'm evil. I don't have to go by the rules."
Ah-hah! thought Yaone. 'So if you don't have to go by the rules, then you don't need a damsel-in-distress! And if you don't need a damsel-in distress, then I can go! Will you unchain me now, Sir Knight?" she asked sweetly.
The knight blinked. "Well, okay," he said, and reached for the key to her chains on his belt. Then he blinked again. "Wait a minute… no, I'm not letting you go! Think you're so smart, do you?" he smirked. "Well, you're not outsmarting me. You're staying right here until your friends come get you. If they come get you."
Yaone decided to try a different tack. "As a damsel-in-distress, I have the right to be rescued by a knight in shining armour," she said. "There isn't one."
"There isn't?" asked the knight incredulously. "What kind of adventuring party travels without a knight in shining armour?"
"The kind," sighed Yaone, "which isn't. We just want to get to the Temple of the Oracle of Small Missing Objects."
"Hah! You're on a Quest! Not adventurers, eh?"
"It doesn't matter," growled Yaone, who was desperately wishing for the knight to just drop dead. "I still want my right to be rescued by a knight in shining armour," she said stubbornly.
"Let's see… in the absence of a knight, damsels-in-distress may be rescued by a prince or a member of any royal family of their choice," the knight recited from some obscure list of rules in his head. Got a prince?"
"I knew we should have left Kougaiji-sama at home," groaned Yaone. The knight gave her another triumphant smirk. "Fine," sighed Yaone, "I give up. I'll go put on your stupid dress. Will you please unchain me so I can go change?"
"You won't try to run away?" asked the knight suspiciously.
"No," said Yaone. She raised her right hand. "I swear." Of course, the fingers on her left hand were crossed behind her back, but the knight wasn't to know that.
"Good girl… Zelda, was it?" grinned the knight, unchaining her.
"It's Yaone," snapped the youkai. "Are you going to watch?" she demanded angrily.
"Uh, no," said the knight sheepishly. "Screen. Over there."
Yaone marched primly behind the screen. There were the predictable sounds of rustling cloth. Then, there was a ping. "Oops," said Yaone, and tried to grab that vial of suspicious gray liquid. Her fingers missed, and instead gave the vial a little push… and it rolled out from under the screen, and came to a stop next to the knight's boot.
"What's this?" he asked, picking up the vial.
Yaone poked out her head from behind the screen. "Oh, that?" she asked innocently. "That… uh, that's not the Elixir of Life. Nope. Not at all."
The knight gave her a suspicious look. "No?"
"Nope," said Yaone. "It's not the Elixir of Life. Got that? Definitely not the Elixir of Life. After all, what would a girl like me be doing with the Elixir of Life? So don't open it, okay?"
"Oh, really?"
"Really," said Yaone in her most innocent tone.
Predictably enough, that was enough for the knight's fingers to begin straying towards the cork holding the vial shut.
"Don't," said Yaone. "You don't want to."
"I don't, do I?" glowered the knight at her. Yaone hid a grin and held her breath. "Let's see about that," said the knight, and popped the vial open. The change was dramatic. He turned bright green, grabbed at his throat, keeled over and hit the floor with a loud clang.
"No. You don't" grinned Yaone. She dropped all pretences of changing into the dress, pried the vial away from the knight's stiff, gauntleted fingers, corked it, and ran for freedom and fresh air.
+ [ tsuzuku ] + [to be continued] +
Authoresses' Notes: The story will end in one or two more chapters. And we thought we'd never hit the 'owari' sign…