A/N- As I said before, I don't own any of these characters except
Rory, who is my slightly stubborn, ill-tempered fic-friend (meaning
she's not real, in case you didn't understand) and Gir, which, of
course, is yours truly, the lovely (and slightly different, as my
friends say) author. And just a heads up, I love tape. At least in
the fic I love it. That will be all. Now on with the show!
EPISODE TWO:
All is not safe in the world of swords and tape.
Remus- Welcome back everyone! Since our last episode, Raoul finally figured out who we are, Neal got everyone to call him by his real name, Legolas and Aragorn still think they're all psycho, and Frodo and Sam are still hiding from Gollum.
Sirius- And we still have no clue where we are.
Lily- And James, well...
James- Still sitting on floor, muttering I'm gonna die, darn it, I'm gonna die.
Peter- Shakes head Sad.
Remus- Well, let's start the show. Turns to the contestants O.k., who knows what we're playing?
Contestants- Stare blankly
Remus- Oh-kee. Well, this is "Charades." Tell 'em the rules, Sirius.
Sirius- Takes deep breath No killing no decapitating no strangling no hitting people with bricks no drinking chocolate milk while riding a camel...one hour later no blowing bubbles while riding a unicycle while reading a book and no talking when it's not you're. pants like a dog
Peter- That should cover it.
Contestants- Stare even more blankly
Lily- We drew a name out of a hat before this episode started to see who would go first and it's-
Remus/Serius/Peter- Imitate drum roll
Lily- Frodo!
Legolas- In very whiny voice But I wanted to go first.
Lily- Shrugs If you guess what he is you'll be able to go next.
Legolas- But-
Lily- Zip-it. You're 3,000 years old, you should be able to wait 5 minutes for him to finish.
Legolas- stares at floor
Sirius- O.k. Frodo, you're up!
Frodo- Gets up from behind stool and walks into the center of the circle. Then he, looking very confused at how to get his message across, spreads his arms wide
Legolas- Now staring at Frodo witb a maniac look in his eyes IT'S A PHRASE!!!
Gimli- Mutters Crazy pointy-ear.
Frodo- Holds up one finger
Legolas- FIRST CLUE!!!
Frodo- Nods and mimics throwing something
Legolas- Yells at the top of his lungs THROW!!!
Frodo- Nods again and holds up two fingers
Legolas- Still screaming SECOND CLUE!!!
Frodo- Draws circle around his finger with another finger
Sam- Oh smiles proudly throwing the Ring into Mount Doom!
Frodo- Points at Sam Yes! You're right!
Legolas- Growls and gets off stool
Sam- Screams in terror as Legolas starts chasing him around the studio
Neal- Run little short dude! Run for your life!
Lily- Now what? It was Sam's turn next.
James- Suddenly stops muttering and jumps up I know!
Lily- What?
James- Talking to himself I'll go get her!
Raoul- Who?
James- I'll be right back Poof! He disapperates
Raoul- Who's he getting?
Remus- Sighs He's getting his friend.
Sirius- She's normal compared to him, but at times can be, uh, different.
Raoul- WHO WHO WHO????
Kel- Hehehe... You sound like an owl.
Sound that suddenly comes from center of the stage- Snap
James- Hey, look who I've got guys!
Remus- Cringes We see. Hello Rory.
Raoul- Woohoo! I know her name! Points at Rory Your name is Rory! Yeah, I'm good!
Rory- Looks apprehensively at Raoul Is he OK?
Alanna- We're not sure yet.
Neal- Turns to Lily, Remus, Sirius, and Peter She doesn't seem that bad.
Peter- Sighs Just give her time.
James- We're playing "Charades" Rory. Wanna play?
Rory- Sure.
Merry- Hey, who are you?
Rory- I'm Gir's friend. Smiles proudly I'm a witch. Or sorceress or mage or whatever other name you can think of.
Lily- Like psycho?
Rory- No, not that. Any name meaning I'm a witch.
Merry- How did you meet James then?
Rory- Raises finger brightly, but then frowns I don't know. Frowns Hey Gir, how did I become friends with James?
Gir- Walks onto stage I don't know. Walks off stage while talking to self Note to self: Figure out answer to question.
Neal- So, you said you were a sorceress. What can you do?
Rory- Anything. You name it, I'll do it.
Kel- Creepy. So does that mean you could make me fly around the set?
Rory- Smiles smugly Yep. Snaps fingers
Kel- Flies around room and smashes into beam on ceiling and plummets to the ground
Everyone- Cringe
Rory- Oops. Sorry. Guess I'm a little rusty.
Kel- Staggers to feet No problem. Looks up and giggles feebly Hehe...Look at the pretty stars.
Rory- Looks around at others in room Funny. I never thought I'd be in a room full of my favorite fictional characters. Gir and I talk about you all the time.
Aragorn- Eyes narrow What do you mean.
Rory- Well, you're all fictional characters. You're all fake. You're authors made you up.
Alanna- Growls and draws Lightning and starts chasing Rory around I'll show you fake!
Rory- Wait! I need a sword! Snaps fingers and holds out her hand. A sword appears in it OK. Now we can start!
Alanna- Do you even know how to use that?
Rory- I've read enough books on knights to know how. A little. I hope.
Alanna- Ha! Well I'm the best swordsman in all of Tortall! See if you can beat me now! Advances on Rory, teeth bared, growling menacingly
Rory- Uh-oh.
Alanna/Rory- Sword fight
Rory's sword- Cracks in half
Rory- Uh-oh. I need another one! Gir, get out here!
Gir- Walks onto stage Sorry, I don't normally carry swords around in my pocket. But I do have some tape. Always remember this people, duct tape is like the force- it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together! Hehe...I love that quote!
Rory- GIR! WILL YOU GET ME A SWORD!
Gir- No.
Rory- WHY NOT?!?
Gir- Because you're yelling at me. Why don't you just summon one with your powers?
Rory- BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW! Runs across stage with Alanna close behind WHY DON'T YOU SUMMON ME ONE WITH YOUR POWERS?!?
Gir- Sniffs Because, sadly, I am but a muggle. Sniffs again I don't have powers, so therefore I cannot summon your sword.
Rory- Starts to argue but stops OH, NEVER MIND!!! Throws sword hilt at Alanna and runs
Alanna- Chases Rory
Raoul- What's a muggle?
Gir- Hey, do any of you like tape?
Dom- I do!!!
Neal- Do you even know what tape is?
Dom- Be quiet, Meathead. I'll find out soon.
Neal- MY NAME IS NOT MEATHEAD!!! How do you like it if you don't know what it is?
Dom- Shrugs It has a cool name.
Neal- Shakes head
Dom/Gir- Talk about tape
Remus- Hey Gir, can you tell me where we are?
Gir- Growls No. Now leave me alone. I'm talking with Dom.
Raoul- Somebody tell me what a "muggle" is! Please!
Rory- Runs past camera Ahhhhh!!!
Alanna- Closely follows waving sword around wildly DIE YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!
Rory- I'm not little! I'm taller than you!
Alanna- Taller yes, but you have puny muscles!
Rory- Hey, I'm pretty strong!
Alanna- But not as strong as me!
Kel- Just a word of advice, Rory. Now is not a good time to taunt her!
Rory- Runs even faster as Alanna picks up speed Yeah, I guessed that!
Raoul- Talking disjointedly with absent-minded look on face What...Is...A...Muggle?
Sirius- Now what?
Peter- I don't know.
James- Yeah, we lost Dom and Gir to tape and that lady is trying to kill my friend.
Lily- Well, at least you're not totally oblivious of everything that's going on now, James.
James- That's a plus.
Remus- We might as well end the show. Turns to camera and audience We're done for today, folks. Tune in next week to find out the answers to many questions like: Where are we? Will Rory live until next week? Is James actually acting sane? Why does Gir have an obsession with tape and why did she have to drag Dom into it? Where did Legolas and Sam get to anyways? Is Gollum gone too? Will we ever finish the game? Mutters I highly doubt it. Well, see you next week! I have to go tell Raoul what a muggle is!
Raoul- Yes! Please do!