Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men or Hellsing, I'm poor, so don't sue. Thank you!

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The door clattered open and was graced with gleeful giggles. Seras looked dumbfounded at the empty bed and froze, where had he gone? Where oh where was her little blue mutant gone? There was a small spandex uniform draped over the chair but it failed to register fully what that would mean and as to why the occupant wouldn't want to be seen.

"Hello?" She called softly. Perhaps he had decided to have an early morning shower in the ensuite box room bathroom? She smiled at the thought; well she did have to inform him of some very important matters about breakfast. Yes, disturbing his wash to enquire about cereal or toast was a perfect excuse.

"He's not in the shower."

Seras shrieked and leapt away. "Master! You scared me." She put her hand were her once beating heart was then frowned. "And how do you know?"

"Sometimes I wonder if you've learned nothing. Use your ears, your senses." Arucard looked up at the rafters and smiled. "I can hear your heart beating."

"Guten tag?" Kurt popped his head out nervously and smiled, too aware that he was in one hell of an awkward predicament.

"Toast or cereal?"

"Vas? Oh, both." He paused. "Maybe a fry up if Valter feels up to it, too."

Grumbling, the female left and lingered at the door for a moment before shaking her head and finally leaving. Arucard smirked and stayed where he was. "Are you coming down or not?"

There was a growl as a response.

"Tell me, do you always wear this?" The vampire picked up the uniform and frowned, how could it possibly fit on him? "It must be uncomfortable."

"Ja, it gets pretty itchy too. Rubs against ze fur." The mutant had yet to leave the rafters and he watched as a pair of combats was tossed onto the bed.

"Figured that they'd be about your size." Arucard smiled then frowned. "Fine." He turned to face the wall, his sensitive ears only just picking up the impact of the landing on the floor. A rustle of clothes being hastily put on was followed by a light cough.

"Tell me, how am I supposed to eat vith mein hands full?" Kurt asked, both hands being used to hold the trousers up. They fitted well in the leg, if a little too long, but not bad. In the waist...?

"You'll be fine. Now, how does that tail work?" The vampire smirked as immediately the blue furry mutant hastily grabbed his tail and held onto it defensively.

"It does."

"I take it you adjust all your clothes?"

"Ja..."

"Well?" Arucard smirked again then watched amazed as the mutant used his thumb to puncture a small hole in the back of the trousers. Without a thought, the tail slipped through it and the trousers seemed to be more willing to stay at an appropriate level on his hips, even if it was a lot lower than his liking.

Kurt sighed. "Can I have mein breakfast now?"

"Of course."

"Indeed."

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Everyone had slowly stopped during the course of their various types of breakfast – ranging from cucumber sandwiches to blood – to stare at Kurt who appeared to make a good disposal unit. After his fourth helping of pancakes, his third on cereal and his eighth on the muffins, he paused to have a tiny sip of milk before eyeing up what was next on his hit list.

The soldiers defensively hugged their bowls with wide eyes. Whatever the blue guy was, he could certainly eat a lot. One solider cautiously reached out for the butter and it was swiped a hairs breath away by a certain blue tail.

The man sighed. "That guy has eaten at least twice his body weight."

"For breakfast."

"I don't want to be around for dinner."

"Neither do I."

"What about Walter?"

The solders snorted. "The 'angel of death' is probably having a whale of a time in the kitchen wearing his frilly pink apron."

"He actually wears one?"

Kurt paused in his demolition process. "Ja, it has white lacing."

"Oh."

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In the kitchens, Walter was listening to the elegant sounds of a composer as he continued to prepare food. He wondered idly if the soldiers had heard of their surprise exercise today and that was why they were all having seconds. There was certainly no other logical explanation really.

He paused momentarily to glance out of the door and spotted the men laughing around the mutant, perhaps they were making friends, finding common ground. Walter wondered what it was but dismissed it to return to his cooking, tightening the apron strings at the same time as he prepared to make more chocolate chip cookies. This batch was going to be hidden for Sir Integra.

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Kurt was already in trouble. He was crouched in the back of the chair whilst Integra fumed about his most recent actions concerning a small break in with the kitchen and the disappearance of a lot of chocolate chip cookies. Walter was also standing there, showing no specific emotion whilst he brandished the empty tray and proved to the world why men shouldn't wear lacy aprons. Especially since there was a blue mutant on the loose.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" The woman barked. "And will you sit on the actual chair! I don't want footprints on it."

"Traurig?" Kurt smiled and looked for anyway to break the heavy atmosphere. Comic relief seemed like a good idea and, as he shifted to sit in the actual chair, his tail flicked to produce a rose he had acquired earlier.

Integra looked at the red flower, raised an eyebrow then looked up to the grinning mutant. That expression of sheer hope hidden behind a mischievous grin was very familiar though she couldn't place why. Slowly, she took the rose and put it on her desk. "This still doesn't explain a certain absence of cookies."

He decided to play the truth card, not sure if the vampire was around or not. "I have a fast metabolism. If I don't eat often, zen I go into sugar shock and pass out, or have nose bleeds zen pass out, or I get really hyper zen I pass out."

"So basically you decided to steal my perfectly baked-"

"Indeed zey vere ze best cookies I've eaten in years."

"-cookies for your own good health? I don't believe you." Walter crossed his arms huffily and looked up to his boss. "Sir Integra, I insist that you punish him in some form or another."

"If I remember right, you wanted to keep him just as much as Seras and Arucard did." The woman smiled. "But you're right, theft does not go unnoticed here. I want you to assist Walter today through his various duties."

The blue furred mutant felt as if he was about to die, indeed, that would have been preferable. The thought was suddenly shoved to one side. What if that vampire was here? Would he actually just kill him? Startled at the hand on his shoulder, Kurt jumped onto the back of the chair again and grinned sheepishly at 'the angel of death' and his pink apron.

"This way." The butler sniffed and left, mutant on his tail. Once she was sure that they were gone, Integra picked up the rose and twirled it in her fingers, a light smile on her face. A chuckle made her drop the wretched thing and grab for her gun.

"Arucard!"

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Flour fluttered through the air, eggs flew, butter slipped, sugar sprayed, jam jumped and icing didn't get very far. Walter was in third degree shock as he watched the little cloud that was the blue mutant. It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the fact that Kurt was hanging upside down from the light by his tail.

A pause and the cloud dissipated. "Guten tag." He smiled and passed the bowl down to the butler before getting himself comfortable again on his position on the roof. He watched as the mix was critically inspected.

"It'll do." Walter admitted dryly. He spooned the perfectly fluffy mixture into the perfectly prepared baking tray and then placed that into the perfectly heated oven. Sometimes life could be unfair – why couldn't the blue furry mutant hate cooking rather than seem like a perfect five star chef? He froze suddenly. "You didn't get fur in it, did you?"

"Nein, I moult later in ze year."

"Oh, that's good...moult? You moult?" The butler instantly looked over to his bust-a-duster twelve-thousand, could that cope with fur? He'd have to check the manual, maybe call the manufactures. Did fuzzy blue mutants come under pets?

Kurt watched the conflicted look for a moment before dropping down and landing gently on the floor. Carefully, his tail flicked into the discarded bowl and came back with a Walter attached to it.

"No fingers and, err, tails, in the bowl."

Kurt sighed. "Alright, I'd best clean it." With that, he shoved the tail into his mouth and grinned brightly at Walter who was looking at him as if he had grown a second head.

"You'll get hairballs."

"Ja, but I get zem anyvay."

In all honesty, what could the butler say to that? "You'll have a sticky tail. Go wash it in the sink this time, and don't get fur on anything."

"Yes sir." The blue mutant playfully saluted then jumped out of harms way and to the sink. The door clapped open and a familiar giggle made his stomach plunge.

"Good morning, Miss Victoria. And how are you?"

"Fine." Seras grinned, looking for the mutant that had suddenly vanished with a puff of sulphurous smoke. He later reappeared as he fell out of the cupboard.

"I'll just put zese avay and get out of your hair, ja?" He grinned and started to shove the things back in the closet. The items decided that they wanted to stay out so he had to do this several times.

"Aww, isn't he so cute Walter?"

"Indeed Miss Victoria, do you require anything?"

The blonde vampire paused for a moment. "Sir Integra said I was to have the mutant washed and flea powdered by lunch."

"Did she say you were, or that he was to?"

"Well..."

"I'll see about getting him washed up, I'm sure you have other duties such as practising with your Helcannon and that extra drill with the men." Walter shooed her out then turned back to see that the blue mutant was trying to escape. The only problem was that the door he was trying actually turned out to be a kiln. "Are you quite finished yet?"

"Err, nein?"

"Marvellous, now come along, it is best not to keep sir Integra waiting and I believe I know where we keep that flea powder."

"Indeed."

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The bath was one of those large metal basin-bucket things that were used back in the nineteen hundreds. Kurt was keeping well away from it and he pondered his escape routes as the butler filled the thing with another bucket of water. And then another. And another.

"There we are, now just strip off and get in, I'm sure you won't require too much assistance."

"Ja, I von't." Because I'm not going in it. Kurt smiled and retreated backwards, bumping into someone who laughed manically. Slowly, the mutant looked up and spotted red eyes peeping out from yellow glasses.

"I heard that this is where all the fun is." Arucard smiled.

"If trying to wash and flea powder male blue furry mutants is your idea of fun..." The butler smiled wryly and continued before the vampire had pulled out his gun completely. "Now...sir, why don't you just go in before you're forced to? I'm sure Arucard would lend us a hand."

The gun was put away, the prospect of blowing off Walters head replaced with getting to scrub down their newest pet. Something told him that this was definitely going to be fun. The vampire strode forward and scooped up Kurt, about to toss him into the water.

"He needs to get undressed first, Arucard."

"Oh." He looked at his arm in which the mutant had firmly attached himself to, not going to let go or be prised off for quite a while. "Ok." Smirking, the vampire easily plucked Kurt off and placed him on the ground. There was a tense moment.

"I'm not going to strip." The mutant crossed his arms huffily. He leapt away as Arucard attempted to grab him again. "Ok, ok." Whistling the theme to the Full Monty, Kurt spent as long as he could on the top button of the shirt he had been given that morning.

Walter raised an eyebrow and hid a smile.

Arucard was crowing in laughter.

Kurt ran out of buttons and decided to pull the shirt off with as little wiggle as possible as he continued to whistle the Full Monty. Unfortunately, Seras had managed to pass the door after taking a very long 'detour'.

"Hi!" She giggled and then cringed as Kurt fell flat on his back.

"I am not moving." He crossed his arms over his lean chest.

Arucard picked him up.

"Ok, maybe I vill." The blue mutant desperately clung onto his trousers that were only just staying with him and felt his face burning purple as the woman laughed. "Please, zis is utterly degrading."

"I think he's blushing – he looks so cute!"

"Miss Victoria?"

"Oh, alright." She giggled again before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her. There was a long silence.

The vampire grinned. "I believe you were halfway through the second verse."

"Oh. Ja." Kurt found himself on the ground again and quickly decided to get it over with. The water was just a little cold. "Mein gott – this is freezing!" He tried to decide whether or not to disturb the conspicuous layer of bubbles or to save his cold limbs. He decided to keep some dignity and stay sitting.

"Ok, Arucard, if you don't mind." Walter passed the vampire a bottle that stated in nice, massive letters that it was for pets and battled the dangerous flea population that was inflicting all sorts of terrors on the earth. Maybe they did one for vampire eradication too? The butler then picked up another bottle himself, this one stating in slightly smaller letters that it gave your pet dog the glossiest coat in all the country.

Kurt was doomed.

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Sir Integra puffed on her cigar, watching the smoke plume dance in the air before blowing out a smoke ring. She then sat up and rustled into one of her drawers to pull out a secret stash of chocolate chip cookies she had Walter make at midnight. There was a severe lack of cookies.

Cocking her blessed silver bullet gun, she decided that her office could do with a nice blue furred rug. Maybe she could have a matching pillow or two on the sofa...

The thought immediately dissipated when she kicked the kitchen door open and saw Arucard and Walter dripping with water and a very thin and bedraggled looking mutant in a barely half filled basin of cold water. She then spotted the bottles, the familiar sharp green liquid covering the vampire and human more so than the mutant who had started to whistle and scrub himself down.

"And the meaning of this is...?"

"Not to wash mutants?" Arucard took off his yellow glasses and flicked the bubbles off the lenses before putting them back on. He eyed the mutant and started to plot various revenges.

"Sir Integra, may I inquire as to why you have come down here when you requested for the guest to be cleaned up and in your office for one o'clock?"

"Vhat? It's only ten in ze morning!" Kurt looked for a towel to preserve his modesty as he decided that now was the time to get out of the bath. He squeaked as he was caught by the vampire and a dog brush was dragged over his back. "Get off me!"

Arucard smirked. "But you're to get fully prepared and that includes brushing your hair – all of it."

"May I also suggest a hair cut?"

Kurt took a deep calming breath and tried to get rid of the image of a butler who was very annoyed at the cookies being eaten cutting his hair. "Err, I have to get dried first before I can do anything and I think I vill do zat in mien room."

Sir Integra raised an eyebrow and hid her smirk around her cigar. Slowly, she exhaled. "Does that take a long time?" She smiled as she sat down on one of the chairs, the only dry one in the whole room. "Tell me, where exactly does your fur stop?"

The butlers jaw dropped.

Arucard had a face of disbelief.

Kurt turned a violent purple and cradled his head. "Lord, swallow me now."

"No need for the dramatics, I'm just curious."

The blue mutant looked up and grinned slyly, one fang catching the light. "Vell lets just say zat it goes a long vay and ze only people I vant to know vill be ze ones sharing mien bed."

Now it was the woman's turn to look shocked. She cleared her throat, ignoring the blush that was on her cheeks then smiled. "Well, if you'll be getting dried any time soon, I want you in my office at one." Standing up, she paused at the door. "And Walter?"

"Yes Sir Integra?"

"Get some food into him; I haven't seen anything that scrawny in years." A metallic thud indicated that Kurt had hit his head off the basin. Smiling, she left.

"Vhen vill ze torment end?"

"No need to be quite so dramatic."

Kurt glared at the butler. "Indeed."

"Indeed."

"Indeed." They all looked at Arucard who shrugged. "I had to see what was so great about that word."

"Indeed."

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Arucard was nearly bitten six times, had fourteen slashes across his face and the tail tried to strangle him twice. This was all at just the sight of the brush. Smirking, the vampire decided to use his trump card.

"I'll get Seras if you'd rather that."

There was suddenly an extremely obedient little blue fuzzy mutant smiling at him through gritted teeth.

Walter raised his eyebrows. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because you're not evil."

"Indeed."

The other two in the room snorted at the butler who ignored them all pointedly as he picked up his own dog brush.

Kurt sighed miserably as he eyed the two approaching men as one might death. He did look a little fuzzy – ok, his fur was standing on end making him look about an inch fatter all the way round and suspiciously similar to that of a plush toy. The mutant decided to try one more tactic. "I could do zis mien self."

Arucard laughed and raised the dog brush, a dark light over his eyes as a gleam caught one fang in his smirking mouth.

The butler actually paused. "Who does your fur usually?"

"Me, no vun likes ze moulting part." Kurt sighed miserably as he was scooped up and placed on the table. The vampire whistled the full Monty tune as he started to brush the fur on the exposed back. "How much are you going to brush me?" Kurt glanced at his trousers which was the only item he was wearing and really hoped they'd leave him be after his back.

"We'll see, depends how good you are." Walter smiled as he started on the neck. "Apparently, doing this is like a massage, so enjoy a little pampering."

The mutant scowled as one brush nearly wrenched out a tuff of matted fur. He hoped they'd at least let him do his face and tail so with as much sneakiness as he could muster, his tail snatched a brush off Arucard and he sat back pointedly and started to brush with the grain in his fur.

The men watched for a moment as the tail and face were completed in seconds. They watched as the brush was tossed into the air and the tail caught it before starting to brush the mutants back. Kurt reached over and took the other brush to start on his arms and stomach.

"He is faster." Walter conceded after a moment of the fascinating spectacle. There was something eerily interesting in watching someone brush their own fur.

"But it's funnier when we did it." The vampire crossed his arms and grinned suddenly, yet another wicked plan running in his mind. "How long until he has to see master?"

"A few hours, why?"

"Well, we can't let him get dirty or anything."

"And what are you proposing?"

Kurt had nearly come to a standstill as he brushed the fur on his legs, starting to dread what the vampire might say.

"You'll see."

The mutant gulped, he was afraid of that.

----------------------------

The plan worked excellently. Placing Kurt into Seras's room proved a fantastic idea as the mutant refused to move off the rafters and Arucard got to smirk at the mutant's plight. Walter though was missing the fun as he muttered something about making more chocolate chip cookies for Sir Integra.

"Come on down, be a good boy, come on."

"I'm not a dog." Kurt growled and edged deeper into the corner, wishing desperately for a means of escape. An idea hit him but he quickly started to think of something completely irrelevant so that the vampires wouldn't know.

Arucard frowned, the image of fear had been replaced with jaw droopingly delicious chocolate chip cookies instead that made him want one. Instantly, he was suspicious and he watched the mutant carefully.

Kurt teleported. Easy as that. He smiled as he was in the darkest corner he could see, his odd ability to blend into the shadows completely coming in hand, so long as he kept his eyes closed.

"Oh! He vanished!" Seras walked out of the room in search for her favourite pet.

Kurt silently cheered then remembered that he had a heart beat when the male vampire grabbed him. "Guten tag, vhat a surprise to see you." He smiled nervously as the vampire had still to let him go.

Arucard actually laughed. "I love it when there's a bit of fire in them." He said to himself as he put the mutant down on the four poster coffin. Turning to Kurt, he smirked. "Don't try mind games."

It suddenly occurred to Kurt that he lived with two telepaths in the mansion, what in all honesty bothered him about this one? He answered himself immediately, at least Jean and the Professor didn't go publicizing anything they picked up. Taking slow breaths, Kurt carefully constructed the mental shields he had learned from the professor.

"Nice try." Arucard pinned him against the wall. "But I wouldn't bother."

The mutant decided there and then never to watch another horror movie involving vampires as he kept on remembering them all right this moment in time and how some hapless victim had his throat torn out. He wasn't exactly some gorgeous female to be turned and neither was he the dashing hero. Great, the blue mutant got to be the guy that gets snuffed. Woo hoo.

"Tempting, I'll admit." The vampire smiled, running his hand across the shaking mutant's throat. "Never tried mutant before. Or blue."

"You'll get a hair ball." Kurt said the first thing that came to mind and he cursed himself for it. A fur ball?

"Not if I shave you first. I wonder, is your skin blue too?"

"Ja, tastes really bad."

Arucard ignored the comment as he ran a gloved finger against the grain on Kurt's cheek. The skin underneath proved to be a death blue pallor and the vampire smiled, like him, it mustn't see the sun much.

"I vas told by Kitty vhen I kissed her under ze mistletoe at Christmas zat I tasted like sulphur – it's ze teleporting you see so I vont be nice at all to eat." Kurt paused, would actual eating be involved? He forced himself right off that line of thought, continuing to babble. "It'll leave a really nasty aftertaste – like really badly burned sausages like ze vuns Logan makes and has the cheek to call food – I call it charcoal slabs but zey're really good to draw -"

Arucard decided to press his hand against the babbling mutant's windpipe to shut him up. After a moment, he dropped the mutant and watched him take a few deep breaths.

"Zat hurt." Kurt rubbed his throat and glanced back up at the vampire who was still watching him in interest, that infuriating smirk still on his face. The mutant suddenly wanted to just go over and wipe that smirk away it was so-

"Lots of people want to do that." Arucard confessed, his smirk getting wider. "And before you ask, I quite like burned sausages and I haven't had the chance to taste brimstone before."

Kurt felt like he was about to pass out, his lungs were refusing to work he was starting to get so panicked. Taking a deep breath, he blindly teleported just as the vampire grabbed him.

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Arucard looked about his rather bare bedroom, surprised at the odd feeling in his stomach and he looked down at the mutant. Kurt had passed out after the strain of the port as he was forced to unexpectedly carry the vampire who probably weighed a fair bit more than him.

The vampire poked the mutant and got a growl as a response. The childish side of the vampire erupted and he rubbed his gloved hands in glee. What to do? What to do?

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Walter walked into Arucards room with a bucket of ice that contained a packet of blood in it for his lunch. He stopped and, despite his good butler training, actually gawked at the sight.

The mutant was propped up in a chair with a bright pink hat on his head, several pink bows on his tail and a bright blue belly top on. Arucard was trying to crudely get some eye shadow onto the mutant's fur but was failing somewhat miserably on that aspect as the powder tried to just cling on him rather than their intended patch of fur.

"Arucard?" Walter crossed his arms, his face completely blank despite the smile that was trying to twitch at his lips. "He's supposed to stay clean."

"I couldn't resist."

"And may I enquire to why he's unconscious?"

The vampire smirked. "He passed out after trying to teleport away."

"From?" The annoying smile kept trying to win across the stern expression.

"Well..." Arucard smiled and shrugged.

Walter sighed and placed the bucket onto the table before walking over to the mutant. The first thing he done was to tug off the hat. He looked in dismay at the hair full of ribbons. Well...the belly top was decided to be dealt with next then he pulled out one of his freshly pressed handkerchiefs and wiped the little eye shadow that managed to make it to his fur off.

He looked at Arucard and the smile spread across his face. "You might not want to be seen like that."

"Like what?"

"You have a little hot pink eye shadow just on your nose."

Arucard grumbled and wiped it off hurriedly then watched dismayed as the bows were taken off the mutant. "Oh come on, I spent ages on that."

"Sir Integra won't be pleased to find her lunch guest unconscious and covered in pink ribbons, will she?"

The vampire scowled and vanished into the shadows.

"Eurgh, mein head." Kurt opened his yellow eyes slowly and focused on the butler, the stolen cookies immediately coming to the forefront of Kurt's mind as he leapt up only to find that he didn't know where he was. "Err, vhere am I?"

"Arucards room." The butler smiled at the look of horror.

"Vhat?" The mutant frantically checked his throat for any bites; he froze and removed the pink ribbon that had been tied like a collar around his neck. Then he noticed that his tail had come under a similar fate.

"He can be a little childish at times."

"Childish! Jamie stopped zat months ago and he's younger zan me!"

Walter smiled. "You're wanted now."

"Not like zis."

"You can get them off on the way up."

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The leader of the Hellsing organisation sighed and drummed her fingers against her desk as she smoked yet another cigar. She was beginning to wonder if she should quit the habit or not. The fair haired woman crushed the cigar into the ashtray and waited.

There was a light tap at the door.

"Come in Walter."

"Sir Integra? Your lunch is ready now with our guest."

Growling to herself, the woman stomped past her infuriatingly calm butler and into the dining room. She stopped and a smile tugged at her lips.

"I've missed vun, right?"

She nodded. "It's..." Integra indicated the top of her head.

Snarling, Kurt tore the ribbon off and then proceeded to drag his fingers through his hair in an attempt to return it to civility. It was failing.

"Your lunch is ready now."

"Thank you Walter." Sir Integra walked over to the table and raised her blonde eyebrows as Kurt jumped up and pulled the chair out for her. He smiled a one hundred watt grin which seemed genuinely innocent. 'Seemed' being the opportune word as he skipped back over to his seat and paused as he looked at it.

"Is zere a stool I could use?"

"Why?"

"Zese chairs aren't very tail friendly." The fifth limb flicked exaggeratedly to emphasise this. Shaking his head, he turned it around and sat on it in a lazy crouch.

Integra was waiting for the next interesting thing to happen, it seemed that wherever her guest went, something fun and exciting which had to be explained in the minutest of details by at least three people before it was even half believable, happened. She smiled vaguely at the memory of being told by six excited soldiers that they had seen a blue demon doing cartwheels and somersaults whilst eating cookies pass them in the hall.

Kurt felt that something was expected of him and as he watched a few too many movies involving a) pirates or b) swordfights and finally c) gentlemen, he opted to do something from one of them. Deciding that a sword fight was inappropriate, he took a flower from the vase and handed it to her with a slight bow.

The boss hid a smile as she accepted the flower. "Sit down, now..." She tried to think of a polite way to say it. "Eat up." Damn, that didn't sound very formal.

"Ah, ze beauty of manners." He winked at her, smiled charmingly at the slight blush and with as much control as possible, hungrily tore into the food.

"Could you pass the salt?" She watched in disbelief as the tail picked up said item and handed it over to her. Accepting it, she watched the food being devoured in amazement. How on earth was he so skinny?

"Do you care for your main course now Sir Integra?" Walter smiled as the woman jumped at his silent arrival and then scowled at him – she was missing the most interesting lunch in history!

"Yes, fine." She waved a hand then paused. "Actually, can you bring...six up?"

"Six?" He raised his eyebrows, keeping his face blank.

"Yes, for our guest. I'll have one myself."

"Of course." He bowed and left, wondering what exactly they had eating in there.

Integra turned back to watch Kurt finish devouring all the starters on the table with about only two sips of water to wash it down. He smiled brightly at her.

"A vunderful meal. Vhen is ze main course?"

"It's just coming." The woman smiled, why was he here again? Oh, yes. "I asked you to come here for a reason..."

"Kurt. And zere vas me hoping it vas just to have a meal vith such an enchanting voman." He smiled charmingly and kept his yellow eyes fixed on her blue ones.

Damn, why did he have to be so charming? "Yes, well." She cleared her throat before continuing. "I was speaking with Arucard last night and I believe that he does not know how to return you back to your own dimension."

Kurt looked like he'd been shot. "Vhat, no vay at all? I tried teleporting but ended up in ze veirdest room I've ever seen."

"Probably Walters." She mumbled then shook her head. "He doesn't even know how he got in your dimension in the first place." Integra felt terrible at the sad little look her guest wore as he looked pitifully at the table cloth, all his humour gone. "But I have decided to let you stay for the moment, I'm sure a position can be found for you."

"I can make a good mascot – no other team has a blue furry elf for one." He smiled weakly then dropped his gaze again.

Integra felt really bad now. What could she do? All of a sudden, she was annoyed at the sad display before her. "Cheer up," she growled, "I could have had you shot."

He snorted.

Ok, that wasn't supposed to happen. "I take it you'd rather have been shot then."

"Zen I'd never have laid eyes on ze most beautiful voman in ze world, vould I have?" He was back to the charming act and the boss felt her stomach plummet. This wasn't fair. Why couldn't any of the upper-class English nobles be this...cute?

Before anything embarrassing could happen, Walter magically appeared with a little serving trolley he had been dieing to try out and started to place the plates of lasagne and chips in front of their required owners. A bowl of salad was placed into an available gap and he left with a bow.

Kurt happily started to demolish his way through the plates of food.

Sir Integra watched as the second plate was emptied in the time it took her to manage half the chips. She gave up and just watched the other three plates follow the same path – the fascinating thing was the severe lack of food and mess around Kurt despite the rate he ate at.

The mutant swallowed. "Can you pass ze salad over?"

"Of course." Stunned into amazement; she done so and wondered if she had any witnesses to this dramatic feat of the human stomach. "Are you alright...?"

"Kurt. Ja I am perfectly fine – just a bit hungry."

Integra nodded slowly and returned to her own food. After a moment she looked up to see Kurt absently juggling three apples. He stopped when he spotted her.

"Traurig."

What could she say? She smiled instead and returned to her food. A glance a moment later saw Kurt juggling five apples.

She returned to her plate, counted to ten and looked up to see him juggling eight apples, one banana, two oranges and lastly the salt shaker. He stopped and smiled charmingly.

Integra really hoped she had a few eye witnesses to confirm that her eyes were not deceiving her. Walter appeared at that moment with the deserts.

"Would you care for some cake prepared by our guest, Sir Integra?"

"Of course." She looked at the blue furry mutant then back at the cake and wondered if the blue sprinkles were sprinkles or not.

Kurt had chosen to eat the rest of the cake, some ice cream and a tray of chocolate chip cookies as she poked at her food. After a moment when he had finished, he decided to ask. "Anything ze matter?"

"Err..."

"Ah, don't vorry, I moult later in ze year."

"Thank you for sharing that." Integra argued with herself, how could she sit through round table meetings and eat left out salad yet not bring herself round to eating at least one bite of this delicious looking cake because of blue sprinkles?

"It vas Valter who put on ze sprinkles."

That decided it; she couldn't not try a bit at least in the sake of common courtesy. After a hesitant moment, she ate a bite, found it light, delicious and fuzz free. It was gone after a few more bites.

Kurt smiled a grin that showed off all his pointy fangs and stretched languidly like an oversized blue cat. "Zat vas vun of ze best meals I ever had."

"Walter is a good cook."

"I vas meaning ze company."

Integra blushed then scolded herself furiously at acting like a hormone filled teenager rather than a cold calculating business woman. She regained her composure quickly and prepared an ice cold glare.

Kurt was cleaning his teeth with his tail.

The glare withered to a smile. He was too cute to glare at! It wasn't fair!

The mutant looked up at her and smiled charmingly. "I guess I'd best head now and leave you to your vork, ja?"

Work? Oh, yeah, work. "Of course, you are excused."

He rose to his feet, walked over next to her and took another flower from the vase. With a roughish smile, he bowed and kissed her hand and then teleported leaving only the flower in her hands.

Damn, he was a charmer.

---------------------------------

Arucard had relayed the entire thing to both Walter and Seras. Once they had all gotten over the initial laughter that sent the ravens off the tower of London, they composed themselves before laughing loud enough to make the Eskimos shudder. It was amazing that no one had noticed them. The male vampire finally stood up.

"I've got a charmer to meet." He smirked, heading for the shadow laden wall.

"Arucard?" Walter frowned slightly.

"What? I'm only going to ask for some tips on how to charm master. I want to get there before he does. Must be the fur though...do you think red for me?" Laughing again, he walked backwards through the wall and came right out of the mutant's wall despite the fact that the kitchen was two floors below and in the other wing.

Kurt leapt off the ceiling and landed on the floor with cat like grace. Suddenly, that seemed like a bad idea and he tensed for a jump to the nearest wall. Arucards laughter made him pause and he warily waited for an explanation.

"You're quite the charmer I hear."

So he was being spied on. Kurt forced the rising growl to stay down and he smiled brightly, pretending not to have a clue what the vampire meant.

"I can read your mind, cute try though."

The blue mutant dropped the cute act. "Vhat do you vant?"

"I want to know how you've come to be such a charmer when you dream of being chased by mobs."

The mutants face fell. "Get out."

That wasn't exactly the reaction he expected. Still, the vampire continued, hoping for a little violence so he waved the bait as close to the nerves as he could. "Tell me; are they memories or a hyper imagination?"

Kurt closed his eyes, the smell of the burning fires coming lividly to mind. He opened his yellow eyes and locked onto the vampires red ones. "Ze flames burned ze ropes loose enough for me to teleport. I vas unconscious for a few hours but by zen zey had gotten bored." He looked away, annoyed that he had told this vampire that when even his closest friends had no idea.

For once in his infinitely long immortal life, Arucard didn't know what to do exactly. Laughing would be crude, smirking would probably make the mutant never speak to him again and being sympathetic...well he was a vampire, he just broke the necks long before they got the fires started.

"Get out." Kurt was still looking at the floor.

Arucard slunk back into the shadows, deciding not to mention this incident to the others. After all, it wasn't his problem to tell.

-------------------------

People were standing there, leering and jeering as they tossed rocks into the cramp, confined cage. Inside Kurt ignored them, pacing like a pent up animal on all fours as he struggled not to lose his sanity, his love of the world.

Love? They threw stones at him, taunted and jeered when he snarled at the impact, at the blood running from the cuts. How could he love something that turned and hated him at every moment?

Then the man came, the one with the whip who tried to make him do tricks. He was dragged out and started to dance the way through his exercises and routines, snarling and snapping at every crack of the whip on his back.

Eventually he snapped, he always did and lunged for the keeper. The man shouted silently, grabbing a sharp stick.

Kurt landed and wasn't fast enough.

--------------------------------------

He jerked awake on the bed and scrabbled madly in a circle until he was positive that he wasn't in a cage. The shadows seemed to shift and Kurt grabbed one of the ridiculously bright dog brushes and hurled it. It hit the wall and he decided that he had gone mad, he was getting there anyway so why not now?

Deciding to just get up and walk, he left the room and started to travel through the corridors. Sleep would not come tonight.

The mansion was unusually quiet; the men no doubt on some order to kill all these vampires he had been hearing about. The actual vampiric residents were probably out on the same mission as well. Integra was a little too intimidating to bother so Kurt decided that perhaps a little speed porting would tire him out.

Bamf. He was in the library. The room, as expected, was full of more books than he could imagine. Deciding that a book was the last thing he needed, he ported again, letting his senses choose the location.

Bamf. Someone's room. The coffin informed him that it was one of the vampires. It was neatly inscribed 'I am Hermes. I tamed myself by devouring my own wings' and Kurt decided not to ponder what that would mean other than self-destruction.

Bamf. An empty hall.

Bamf. A room full of more weapons than he thought existed. Thinking that it would probably be a good idea not to touch anything possibly explosive, he smiled longingly at the multitude of swords.

Bamf. Bathroom.

Bamf. Kitchen, good old stomach. Cautiously in case Walter was hanging around, although the man should be asleep by now as the clock on the wall read four in the morning, Kurt crept forward. Smiling, he opened up the fridge before pausing, the unmistakable aroma of chocolate cookies in the air.

Walter grinned from his hiding point in the shadows and he watched as the small box was picked up. A rope was heard whipping through the air and the teleporter glanced up before waving to the upside down butler.

"I'll have to get copy right for zat pose." Kurt smiled and nimbly jumped up and onto the rope that was suspending Walter over the ground. "Don't you hate it vhen a trick backfires?"

"How...?"

"I saw ze rope, and you. Ze monocle catches ze light nice, ja?"

The butler was fit to kill when it dawned on him. "What light? It's pitch black in here." As if to emphasise this, he pointed to the light that wasn't on.

"I have good eyesight." Yawning, the mutant undone the ropes and watched as Walter hit the ground with a satisfying thud. "I also have cookies." The tail waved the box and he stayed on his bizarre perch to eat them.

"I give in." The butler sniffed. "Please come down, I've got some more cookies."

"I'm not falling for zat; do you think I'm four?"

"I was thinking more around nineteen"

"Seventeen." Kurt replied flatly.

"You're joking."

"It's all ze facial fur." The mutant sighed and dropped down onto the table, dumping the cookies onto the worktop. Walter suspiciously looked at the fact that only one cookie had been eaten.

"What's wrong with the cookies?"

"Nothing, zey're perfect as alvays." Kurt sighed, fingering his tail before grinning suddenly, trying to hide the fact that he was feeling a little down. "You'll have to tell me ze secret."

Walter sighed and picked up a remarkably clean glass and started to wipe it down to give it's already gleaming surface another polish. "It's a family secret."

"Oh." Kurt looked at his long two toed feet and found himself hating them, they were part of what made him look so demonic, part of what people hated.

The butler paused in his unnecessary cleaning and sat watching the young mutant for nearly a full ten minutes before speaking. "Something on your mind?"

"No."

He picked up a pint and poured the milk into two small tumblers. "Drink this and talk."

The mutant obediently drank the milk. "Vell?"

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"Yes there is. For someone who seems so happy all the time, you're looking awfully depressed." He smiled as Kurt raised his eyebrows up. "Indeed."

He snorted. "Zere is nothing wrong that I can handle."

"You're supposed to say 'can't handle'."

Kurt cursed silently. "Zat alvays vorks at ze institute."

"You're a long way from home."

"Ja, I know zat clicking my heels three times vont take me back either." He paused and looked at his feet. "Vell, ze part zat at least resembles heels."

Walter suddenly had a butler premonition and decided to fetch something a little stronger than milk. He was surprised to realise that the quirky, slightly insane creature seemed to be genuinely upset about how he looked – then again if he was blue and furry with a tail...

The mutant blinked at the bottle of Old Scottish Whisky that was put onto the table. "Vere did you get zat?" He asked suspiciously.

"Arucard left it lying and it's a shame to waste such a fine year's blend."

"Oh." The mutant started to toy with the spade of his tail.

Sighing, Walter poured one glass full and half a glass full in the other with a spoonful of sugar and some hot water. "That ones for you, you need some sleep. Sir Integra is planning on putting you through your paces tomorrow."

"I guess I'd best eat twice as much for breakfast as usual."

"I don't think our cupboards could survive such an attack." The butlers face was perfectly calm as he watched the mutant half heartedly smile.

"Vell I vas told I had an appetite..."

"An appetite fails to describe how much you can eat."

Kurt grinned mischievously as he picked up a chocolate chip cookie. "How about two?"

"I'd say six, sir."

"It's just Kurt." He chuckled and offered out his hand. "Kurt Wagner but in ze Munich Circus zey called me ze incredible Nightcrawler."

Smiling, Walter accepted the offered hand. "Walter, but in the field I'm known as the angel of death or butler."

"Or ze best chocolate chip cookie maker in ze vorld – mien and yours."

"Indeed. Now drink that up and return to bed."

"Ja." Kurt yawned sleepily and stretched with cat like grace. "I vill go to bed now, auf weidersien."

"Good night to you too."

There was a puff of black brimstone and smiling to himself, Walter went over to clean up the mess and to retrieve his tin of biscuits. Now perhaps if he moved the wire over...the tin was empty. "That rotten little blue fuzzy elf!"