A/N - heheh...I know I'm doing this sorta outta order, but I had a plotbunny bite my leg. Meh. The Fish Are Friends sharks will show up in the next chapter...and I bet you'll never guess who I'm replacing them with. Heheheheh.... |-) AnYwAyZ....you know how the seagulls are always going, "Mine! Mine!"? They reminded me of fangirls, therefore of fanfictions, therefore the world beyond the Veil is fanficto-reality. @_@ Frightening stuff, eh?
Disclaimer - I own nothing. Nothing at all. *starts weeping. Cast comes up to comfort her, including the new voiceover guy, Clyde, and the new stage movement prompter, Linn* *sniffles* /;_;\ Thanks guys. I'm all right now.
*~*SCENE THREE*~*
[blackness]
~Slowly, Sirius wakes up, looking confused and disoriented. The camera slowly focusses on...~
[Setting: a large stone room. In one corner there is a pile of glittering, shiny things. High up the wall there is a large barred window. In another corner there is a jumbled mess of Quidditch things and heavy spellbooks. Along one wall there is an enormous pile of squashy cushions and a noisy box with flashing colours, aka a TV. A large mirror is hung just under the window, above a basin of water. These normal items seem only to intensify the gloom of the large cell]
Sirius - What the -? *reaches out to cautiously touch the shiny things, as if to make sure where he is, is real*
~At the clinking sound of metal, a blueish blur streaks across the room, headed for the pile of shiny things~
Blueish Blur - Shinies! Shinies! Shiniesshiniesshinies! Lookattheshinies! Shiniesshiniesshinies! *throws self on shiny pile and glares at Sirius* My shinies!
Sirius - ....o_O Okaaaaaay....
~A Head pokes out over the windowsill~
Head - *apologetically* She likes shinies.
Sirius - *nods, wide-eyed. He backs slowly away from BB and trips over the pile of cushions, landing flat on his rear beside two people who are playing video games*
P.O'ed Person With Pointy Ears - You bonehead! You just made my person die, and I never had time to save! Now I'll have to do that level all over again. F***! *beats Sirius with squashy cushion* This - is - a - bonehead!
Other Person Playing Video Games - Whoa, Nuin! Stop it! That's not Luinramwen!
POPWPE - It isn't? *stops beating Sirius* Oooops...
Head - *glaring angrily* You'll pay for that later, Nuin.
Nuin - Heh...heheh...
Sirius - *completely bewildered* What the hell is going on?!
OPPVG - You've been captured.
Sirius - ????....Who by?
OPPVG - *solemnly* The Evil Happy Clown. By the way, I'm X-Smasher 3. Welcome to the Cell. *shakes hands*
Sirius - *still very confused* I still have no idea what the hell's going on.
Nuin - I'm Nuiniachwen. My sister Ferri *points to mirror* is over there.
Head - Luinramwen. And that - *points to former BB* is Erenriel. Being boxed up kinda screwed with her mind.
Nuin - *Snickers* What mind?
Eren - *stroking shinies* My shinies...
Sirius - OK, so I know who you are. Who's this Evil Happy Clown?
~Hushed silence~
[sound of crickets]
XS3 - You don't know?
~Sirius shakes his head~
XS3 - He's this - this - evil, happy, clown!
Luin - *solemnly* The root of all things evil and pink and Mary-Sue.
Nuin - We're the only ones who know what he's truly up to. Eren's the one who discovered his evilness originally. He caught us all off-guard and shut us up in here.
Luin - *shakes head* U_U Poor Eren...she's never really adjusted.
Nuin - You have to admit, it's a bit of a compliment, however skewed, that he locked you up in here as well. He must think you're dangerous.
XS3 - Got a name, buddy?
Sirius - Well...I'm -
Astonished Voice From Behind Him - Sirius?!
Everyone Else - You're joking!
~Sirius whirls around. His jaw drops. Eren solemnly picks it up and hands it back to him~
Director - *sigh*
Sirius - @_@ Lily?! What the - I thought - I thought you were dead!
Lily - I am dead, dolt. But we're living in Fanficto-reality...anything's possible here.
Sirius - I am so confused. Someone please tell me what's going on.
Lily - Well...Fanficto-reality is a little bit like our real world. The main difference is that here, what happened is ruled by the whim of the fanfiction writer. *seeing Sirius look confused, she explains-* They're people who write stories about us. We're part of canon, which means what really happened. *Seeing Sirius still looking confused* It's like an alternate universe.
Sirius - *lightbulb* Ohhh...
Lily - Unfortunately...the whim of the fanfiction writers lead to some....
Luin - *drily* Interesting effects?
Lily - That's the phrase I was looking for!
Sirius - What kind of...interesting effects?
~The others exchange glances.~
Lily - *refusing to look at him* Slash. Horrible pairings. Rabid pink bunnies. Mary-Sues. Canon splicing. Multiple personalities. And random fangirl glompings.
Sirius - *nervous*....glompings?
XS3 -*uncharacteristically grim* You don't want to know.
Sirius - *panicked* I can't stay here! I've got to get out! I'm not supposed to be dead! I don't want to be subject to a multiple personality or slash, whatever that is, or Mary-Sues or any GLOMPINGS! *makes a frantic dash for the door* Lemme outta here!
Everyone - Sirius, don't -
~Sirius runs headlong into the door and gets stuck, half of his body sticking out on one side of the door, the other half sticking out of the Cell~
Sirius - *muffled* Heeeeelllp!
Luin - *hides her eyes* Oh NO. Remember what happened last time, when - ?
XS3 - *gulps* How do we get him out before it's too late?!
~Nuin darts forward and starts tugging at Sirius' ankle~
Sirius - *still muffled* OW! *voice becomes terrified* Oh my god, what are those things coming across the courtyard at me?
Eren - Shiiiiiiiniiiiiiessss.....*o*
Luin - U_U I knew it. The Sues are coming.
Sirius - *still muffled* Are they Sues? Merlin! Get me out of here! Help! Help me! Please! Before it's too laaaate!
Voice - What the hell's going on?
~hushed silence as a sleepy looking man with rumpled black hair comes out from under the pile of squashy cushions~
Nuin - Ummm....James....your best friend is stuck in the door. And he's about to meet the Sues.
James - *blinkblink* Really? I didn't recognize him.
~Lily smacks James upside the head~
Lily - *cross* Just get him out of there already! You're the one with all the ideas!
James - Oh. Right. *strides up to door. There is a tense silence as James reaches out - and - tickles the door?!*
~The door heaves and spits Sirius back into the Cell~
James - *proud* I thought so. Gag reflex.
Sirius - *blinkblink**blinkblink* James?!
James - Hello Padfoot. Long time no see. What's new?
Sirius - Uhhh...you really don't want to know. To begin with, I'm dead.
XS3 - You're certainly a lucky duck, Sirius. You shouldn't have worried - you're safe from most of that stuff in here. This is the Clown's most secure cell. Nothing can get in - Thank god - but nothing can get out either.
Sirius - /|.|\ Phew...Wait. Why didn't you tell me this before?
Nuin - You were freaking out. *tugs on his sleeve* C'mon. There's one more resident of the Cell you haven't met, and that's my sister Ferrienna. She's cool. But don't listen to a word she says...she's even weirder than me! *drags Sirius over to the mirror and begins talking to her reflection*
James - *lightbulb*
Lily - Uh -oh.What are you thinking now, James Potter? I know that look. You're plotting something.
James - *innocent* Me? Plotting? Never! I was merely thinking that tonight we ought to give our friend Padfoot a proper welcoming party. *evil laugh*
Eren - My shinies......
*~*~*